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Author Topic: Why the sudden desire to open up?  (Read 5136 times)

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Online kynrazor

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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #100 on: October 13, 2017, 03:35:19 AM »

She's 21.  You are just one of many options.  If she is a serious person (which based on your description, she seems to be), she is going to study and get a job.  You, at this point, are secondary because you are not there on a daily basis.  Any woman of quality would do the same at that age.  Education comes first.  I would hazard a guess her parents tell her that as well.

I think this fits her actions quite well as a busy Muscovite. Very profound insight again Boe. There was one time she sent me a picture of her examination scores days before my brief visit...  :o as proof of her intellect? :rolleyes: . It would certainly explain why I had the impression that she had quite a strict up-bringing despite her parents having brought her to so many countries for vacation, including far-flung nations like the Dominican Republic. She is certainly more well-traveled than I am.


My # 1 advice is that you need to decide to either sh!t or get off the pot.
Either get on a plane and meet her for 10 days (or more) or tell her
to have good luck with her life and never bother the poor girl again.

My #2 advice is to Dump her or get on a plane.


My philosophy is this. At 21 years of age, if she can't even afford to wait five months, then it's her loss for not being patient enough and not passing the test. I will not compromise my ambitions or my career. If my plans to visit do not satisfy her, then so be it, I will just cut my losses and I am prepared to start all over again. In the meantime, she will have to endure with Skype.

Kyn, if she's calling you her darling, she'd be wanting to hear your voice often and of course seeing you often. Action speaks louder than words.


Imo I think I have sort-of already demonstrated myself as a man of action. I never break promises and I was probably the only foreigner who actually made the journey to visit her. I think I should add the fact that her profile on the dating site was taken down after one month of correspondence right after we exchanged our phone numbers. I was never certain of her motivation for doing that. Either she was bored or she thought she has found her soulmate.

Kyn, not bringig a girl a bunch of flowers or even one flower is a big faux pas over there.

Haha cut me some slack Trench. I didn't really know what to expect. I am learning and hopefully improving every day and is one of my motivations for being here.

After all she cannot afford to wait on the promise that you will return - you may not for all she knows, you called the first date of quick enough and for her this was probably not a good sign however true the reason.

I did not call the first date off. That was actually the first and only meet-up and I called it on by asking her out. It was never my intention to arrange to meet this early on as I wanted to have some downtime for jet-lag & etc first. As told before, she finally agreed to the last-minute-ish arrangement after a few hours of consideration, saying "I have good news. I am free this afternoon".

I think 2tallbill is right. I sense Kyn may be quite heavily a very geeky type of guy and this is impacting he's chances here.

Haha, geeky? I do not find myself fitting any kind of stereotype. Many of the personality tests (MBTI or others) that I have taken before have all found difficulty in trying to assign a particular personality. Some have even resorted to calling me the Chameleon.

My actions change depending on the political situation at home, in the office, in the jungles (undergoing military obstacle courses where we had to live off the land for days), or even in the civil service (albeit, only internship experience). One second, I can be a very subservient office servant but when the situation requires me to lead, I naturally lead. For me, the ends justify the means and I have no qualms doing whatever it takes to find my woman.

My desire is to simply settle down early (preferably before 28) with a highly educated, intellectual woman and start a family (like my current FSU girl said, a strong family). Perhaps I am the very definition of a traditional gentleman but I am certain of my convictions. Is it too much to ask? Apparently in the UK, it seems so.

Why all the hassle to consider FSU women? One might ask. It's certainly not because of an inability to attract local UK lasses. I have seen and talked to plenty of attractive women but none that I would consider wife-material. It just seems to me that here in the UK, the more highly educated, women are, the less likely they are going to consider settling down whilst still in their twenties. Most of the women that I have encountered are either simply career-obsessed (very competitive-minded), or want sex-buddies, or are simply confused and not even sure of what they actually want in their love life (eg. whether or not they even want children in the first place). It is very hard for one to take these lasses seriously.

Hence, looking at my odds, like any astute person would, naturally, I thought why not widen my dating pool internationally?


Kyn I would keep up with this woman since you never know but spend less effort on her. Widen your search and try to find a woman that is more willing to communicate with you. You can visit all of them next time then chose your pick.

No worries mate. I always do everything to the best of my ability. I'll not be putting all my eggs in the basket and I am still actively searching. So far none in the chat has come as close as the girl of this topic, intellect-wise.  :D

I have also started to focus a little on improving myself a more muscular form though admittedly I will never be able to rival TMD ;D
Just my opinion Trench, I do not think being muscular is a game-changer in this quest. I think healthy and not being obese should be more than adequate :D
« Last Edit: October 13, 2017, 04:11:08 AM by kynrazor »
Sincerely,
Kyn

Online kynrazor

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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #101 on: October 13, 2017, 04:15:32 AM »
Maybe she is opening up.  But honestly, from what I've seen on this thread it doesn't sound like she's interested in you.  You're wasting your time with this one, IMO.

Well it goes both ways? She could have ignored me outright instead of replying and now seemingly warming up to the conversation a bit? Why waste her own time as well?  :-\   :D
Sincerely,
Kyn

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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #102 on: October 13, 2017, 04:08:00 PM »
I should add the fact that her profile on the dating site was taken down after one month of correspondence right after we exchanged our phone numbers. I was never certain of her motivation for doing that. Either she was bored or she thought she has found her soulmate.



It's possible she made an effort to show some commitment to you without telling you her reasons. You're supposed to figure it out. The pace you're going at is still slow IMO. She may come to realize you're a young man that is not ready for a serious relationship since you're not taking the next steps to secure it. You're supposed to figure this out. This thing with her may be yours to lose. All up to you.
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Offline southernX

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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #103 on: October 17, 2017, 09:15:01 PM »
kynrazor , your best info is coming from yes, bo and billy in that order imo

 [I liked this recent quote by BillyB :"Paranoia will destroya"]

that is very true , follow your own senses and intuition here ,

i used another quote ''have faith , not fear !!''

unless you have a very good reason to drop her , stick with it

i experienced something similar years ago , the lady in question  irena  made the initial contact with me she was not very forthcoming with big replies or wanting to meet every day, often her replies could take aweek to arrive to me emails etc   she went to moscow for a 2 week vacation and did not comunicate the whole time  at all !!

this to me at the time was very perplexing ,she seemed reluctant to open up and help organise a visit to her home city in novosibersk    so after about 3-4 months of this i had been communicating with other ladies , so irena  was my main interest , but not the sole one

my now wife apeared on the scene at about this time , instantly we hit it off , she was the dead oppposite of irena  , open , committed , keen , instant repsonses etc ...very quickly things took off between us and i slowed down , then stopped contact with irena over about a month as the contact with my wife became more intense

suddenly one day after no contact for about a week irena called me in skype and was keen to become like your energizer bunny girl has ... by then i was off down a differnt path with my wife ,   irnea was devastated when i told her i would be cutting communications with her , i explained my reasons , she had never thought her actions where anythign but normal and ok and she did not wish to commit until she was totally sure i was solid and was as committed as her to me

from my perspective i had no clue she was that into me , from her responses it had seemed totally opposite to me         when i pointed that out to her , finally in lat bid to keep me , she told me she had a bloke from australia promise to meet her in her city , she told family etc he was coming , she hd communicated with him for about 4 months , she had a child as well ..

she booked apartents , took time off work went to the airport but the bloke never arrived
she was devastated , so with me she made the choice to not be as open and be more reserved etc .. once she finally told me all this at the last gasp her behavoiur made sense to me , but before i was sick of second guessing her    unfortunatly her opening up was too late i moved on

that conversation with irena was one of the hardest iv ever had . 

i still sometimes wonder how she ended up to date , if she ever found a partner or not , she was a good person , her english was not strong and she felt shy talking in english , all thses types of things effect how the relationship grows etc

if you like her , keep up the communication , be honest and open , and dont make promises if your cant keep them with her

i think you may have found a ittle gem ,at your ages she will want to complete her education ,


keep us informed

SX
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Offline ML

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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #104 on: October 17, 2017, 09:57:53 PM »
Nice story SX, even as sad to read.
Never had an experience like that.
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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #105 on: October 20, 2017, 04:34:36 AM »
This is an update of what has been happening with my girl recently. At this point in time, I am still not sure what to make of her especially after our brief chat today (correspondence shown below). I think I still have much to learn how to read womens signals.

Does she want my sympathy? Or is this her way of telling me not to bother her so much?  :-\  On the positive side, this is the first time I have seen her use so many ))). Five sets a new record! :D  :clapping:

Last week (6 days ago)
Her:
-It's me and i'm very tired😅😂😂 [She shared a picture of her face lying on a university desk with her friends]
-Hope, you're fine

Me:
-You are unforgettable. I know you have worked hard but take care of your health my dear “Warm smiley”.

Her:
-Thank, I like to hear it)

Me (1 day after):
-[Shares a photo of portrait I made for her].

“Silence for the rest of the week” *Crickets*  :-\

This week
Me:
-Finally the weekend has arrived! 🙌🏼 What do you plan to do? 😃

Her (finally opening her chat today):
-Yes, i've seen. Ooh, it's so nice))))) Thank you very much))) [This refers to the portrait I shared with her]
-I'm broken. I don't like to say something like this, but this time, i'm so tired and have problems..this work
-Sorry, that i said it
-Hope, that everything is ok with you😊
-What about you?) [Because earlier, I asked her plans for the weekend]
Sincerely,
Kyn

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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #106 on: October 20, 2017, 04:42:29 AM »
Kyn,

She really isn't 'your lady' .... She isn't 'close' enough to share the good and bad - but at least she doesn't burden you.

Sorry, but she is a 'pen-pal' - not relationship material, for you
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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #107 on: October 20, 2017, 11:34:21 AM »
For some reason I increasingly find myself agreeing with me Mobers these days, perhaps I am finally getting experienced enough at this :D

No I agree Kyn she is more on a penpal footing with you, you could ask her about her work, i.e study and she may be most likely to open up here if she is feeling under the weather with it. You could however just become an emotional comfort blanket for her when she needs to vent and that is fine for penpal but will probably sideline you as only that to her. If you enjoy each other penpal wise fine but you could be forgoing messaging a girl that you could end up getting with.

End of the day you can spend hours & hours of time messaging a girl and if its the wrong one it is all wasted time you cannot get back. She by the looks of things pouts her studies above messaging you and you seem quite far down on her list of priorities. That said this is just what may be read into what you put here, only when you are together and you get a buzz of excitement & vice versa of being with each other then the above may be unfounded.

I don't blame you for being curious as to what is going on, as I have found it is not always easy as a newbie to all of this to understand what exactly you have on your hands when in communication with these women. I think its inevitable that unless the guy lucks out or is very savvy with personal relationships there is likely to be an lack of knowing of what we are dealing with. I think it takes a bit of time from starting out on this venture for most of us to be able to quickly distinguish the type of girls that we are dealing with that come up. The guys on this forum have helped me out a lot with that and I think once you can do that the whole lot becomes a lot easier. 

Offline Davo

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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #108 on: October 20, 2017, 04:14:20 PM »
Kyn,

She really isn't 'your lady' .... She isn't 'close' enough to share the good and bad - but at least she doesn't burden you.

Sorry, but she is a 'pen-pal' - not relationship material, for you

Kyn,
l also agree... You're stuck in pen pal mode, but don't give up just yet. The woman that seemed to be the least interested in conversation, has become one of the best conversationalist I've ever met.

I started down this fsuw path looking for a pen pal. Our conversations were infrequent and lacked depth for week, until we discovered we shared the exact same traumatic circumstances in our past  marriages. At this point I felt a connection and wanted to escalate our conversation, then I found the most invaluable advice .... Women don't choose a man in Russia, men choose the woman they want and take her. He pursues in a persistent manner, that most western women would consider stalkerish. The woman I've been talking to confirmed this is how Russian men behaved when courting, in her youth.

You're not bothering this woman, you need to step it up and standout from the other men. Consume her thoughts, build attraction and increase sexual tension. The best way to do this is through humour, some light hearted teasing and sarcasm. You want to inspire emotion in her during every conversation and before you know it her response time will be minutes not days. My woman responds without fail in seconds.

Early on I would plan my conversations and find something interesting or so far our there, that she had no choice but to reply out of curiosity.

Men fail by being boring and predictable. If a woman sent a picture of her head on a desk with her friends, my reply would look something like this .... "I get tired also, when I'm up all night doing shots and skinny dipping with my friends ;)". Where I'm at with my  woman, I'd build in some sexual tension to my reply...  "You've obviously had a late night drinking in your bubble bath again, just as well you didn't invite me, or you wouldn't have had any sleep ;)". Don't just ask her "What are your plans this weekend?" be unusual, ask "what are you doing this weekend, when you're not talking to the most sexiest man in england?, maybe we can discuss the finer points of this seasons fashion trends?" or tell her "I have an intimate secret to tell you, but you will have to wait until you are alone ;)" build some suspense so she's thinking about you when you aren't conversing.

I've done some ridiculous things to make her laugh. She works for a transport company. I enquired on her work email how much her company would charge to ship champagne, caviar, a white stallion and her in a little black dress to me for a romantic dinner on the  beach. Her reply was priceless  :). I've been in the middle of a very deep conversation and randomly sent her a pic of Borat in a mankini and asked if this would suit me. She never knows what's coming from one message to the next and is constantly on the edge of her seat in anticipation  :)

Conversation gets very boring for women if you can't take her on an emotional rollercoaster ride..... Take control, you're the man, lead the conversation where you want it to go, It's probably what she's been waiting for. If it doesn't progress then move on, she's not interested.
« Last Edit: October 20, 2017, 07:54:01 PM by Davo »

Offline Boethius

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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #109 on: October 20, 2017, 07:03:25 PM »
I get the sense kynrazor is not looking for a wife currently.  So, nothing lost if he continues to communicate with her by text.
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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #110 on: October 20, 2017, 10:59:40 PM »
I get the sense kynrazor is not looking for a wife currently.  So, nothing lost if he continues to communicate with her by text.

Quite so, she seems a good person.

I based my advice to him on 20 something yr olds I  encounter, who are articulate

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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #111 on: October 21, 2017, 05:48:58 PM »

Last week (6 days ago)
Her:
-It's me and i'm very tired😅😂😂 [She shared a picture of her face lying on a university desk with her friends]
-Hope, you're fine

Me:
-You are unforgettable. I know you have worked hard but take care of your health my dear “Warm smiley”.

Her:
-Thank, I like to hear it)



That's it for day one? You let her end the very short conversation and sent her a photo the next day? You need to figure out how to keep the conversation going to keep her attention. If a girl likes what you're saying, she may tell you you're an interesting man. She'll give the most attention to the guys that can stimulate her mind.
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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #112 on: October 22, 2017, 01:24:58 PM »
I agree, Kyn, I think Davo's advice is worth taking on board, I've heard of the technique of using sarcasm/wit deliberately in conversation before but I think Davo is nearer to the mark than the more PUA guys I saw it off. They were kind of cheesy & over the top, typical Americans ;D Davo though in the examples he gave is more everyday and an easier jump than the overly extrovert PUA guys. That way it's easier to be your own character and keep it true to you while not being out off your comfort zone. It's something I will take on board too so thank you for sharing Davo, you come across as a person who can be good with people.

I think too its a fair comment to put a bit more into the conversations Kyn. Problem may be more with you than her - you get back what you put in as they say. So just do lots of bacK & forth, a sentence or so at a time, no long paragraphs.

I think trying to get into a girls inner world is something that is essential in this venture. I didn't really manage it with last girl and the consequence of being seen as outside her circle is that she is less likely to value you enough and that is not good. Finding out who she really is past all the 'I live here', patents, siblings, pets, etc is crucial I think. I tonk she may be reaching out to you with photo & I would run with that. Doing so may lead here onto unravelling more of her inner world, daily life if you will and that could help you come a part off it on time.

Offline southernX

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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #113 on: October 22, 2017, 05:17:43 PM »
[quote  davo --- Conversation gets very boring for women if you can't take her on an emotional rollercoaster ride..... Take control, you're the man, lead the conversation where you want it to go, It's probably what she's been waiting for. If it doesn't progress then move on, she's not interested. ][/quote]

agree , you need imo to be more open about what your expectations are here with her

instead of just waiting to see what may happen , make it happen one way or the other

you may feel its more risky maybe ,, but quicker to discover if you can push it further , or walk away

SX
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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #114 on: October 22, 2017, 09:35:19 PM »
I've been in the middle of a very deep conversation and randomly sent her a pic of Borat in a mankini and asked if this would suit me.

Hmm, Not sure I'd try THAT technique ..;)
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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #115 on: October 22, 2017, 10:37:37 PM »
Hmm, Not sure I'd try THAT technique ..;)

Hhaaa.... Yes, you might want to build up to that level of shenanigans ;).... RW do have their limits. I couldn't convince her to "TP" her bosses office when he was out for a meeting  :)
« Last Edit: October 22, 2017, 10:41:25 PM by Davo »

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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #116 on: October 26, 2017, 12:12:23 PM »
I befriended the wife of the guy my ex run off with and went out with her and her friends every weekend, I was one of the girls lol... This was a huge insight into what women are looking for, trust me they can be as dirty mined as men ;)

This has been on my mind Davo and intrigues me, what sort of dirty stuff do women like to talk about us men? PM me if you wish to on this ;)

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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #117 on: October 26, 2017, 12:46:06 PM »
This has been on my mind Davo and intrigues me, what sort of dirty stuff do women like to talk about us men? PM me if you wish to on this ;)

I think you might wait a LONG time for a M with such info - as you wouldn't like to hear what they say about you .....)

For 'Dirty' substitute 'greedy' and you'd be accurate
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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #118 on: October 27, 2017, 12:18:52 AM »
This has been on my mind Davo and intrigues me, what sort of dirty stuff do women like to talk about us men? PM me if you wish to on this ;)

All I'll say Trench is that recently divorced 40 year old women are pretty sexually aggressive  and the  ride to the club / pub involved very explicit talk about what was going to happen to the lucky guys who were in the taxi on the ride home. The kind talk you would expect from  bunch of blue collar workers  ;)

I'll add that the best wing men you'll find are 3 hot women  ;D
« Last Edit: October 27, 2017, 12:31:43 AM by Davo »

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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #119 on: October 27, 2017, 08:58:42 AM »
All I'll say Trench is that recently divorced 40 year old women are pretty sexually aggressive  and the  ride to the club / pub involved very explicit talk about what was going to happen to the lucky guys who were in the taxi on the ride home. The kind talk you would expect from  bunch of blue collar workers  ;)

I'll add that the best wing men you'll find are 3 hot women  ;D

I'll really have to think about how I might hook up with 3 hot women for wingmen Davo ;D

Interesting to hear what women are really like, I'm guessing they are much the same younger but probably feel inclined to hide it more from the male species most of the time. I guess also the explicit talk involved what she would be doing in the male genital region, lol :o

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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #120 on: October 27, 2017, 11:51:19 AM »
All I'll say Trench is that recently divorced 40 year old women are pretty sexually aggressive  and the  ride to the club / pub involved very explicit talk about what was going to happen to the lucky guys who were in the taxi on the ride home.

I think we all know that listening to High School boys talk about their past sexual conquests is mostly listening to BS or at the least great exaggerations.

This same applies to to women who talk about what they are going to do sexually in the future.  Mostly BS.  They will likely just be prick teasers at the clubs, bars, etc. and then go home to their vibrators.

I have found the best sex partner gals are generally the ones who are quiet and fairly modest seeming out in public or at social events.  It took me a while to finally figure this out.
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Offline Boethius

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Re: Why the sudden desire to open up?
« Reply #121 on: October 27, 2017, 12:28:12 PM »
I don't think one can make a generalization about women based on what they say.  Some will do exactly as they say, others may not.  Just as the generalization of "What will a FSUW think . . . " are generalizations as well.  Not every woman in any culture is identical in thoughts or deeds, not all are conformist if cultural cues or mores exist.


Women generally do talk to each other about the men they bed, often with very explicit details.  Married women, on the whole, in my experience, do not.
« Last Edit: October 27, 2017, 02:55:58 PM by Boethius »
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