Author Topic: Time for some Humor!! (Read 477004 times)

2tallbill · « **Reply #800 on:** April 16, 2008, 09:59:25 PM »

Two brothers have a lifelong dream to immigrate to America. They work hard and save their money. After many years, they have saved enough money and finally emigrate into New York. Before they begin building their new lives in America, they decide to see some of the famous places they dreamed of for so long; the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, the Rockettes, and others.

Eventually, they make their way to Coney Island. As they stroll down the beach, taking in all the newness of America, they see a very large billboard that reads: "HOT DOGS," with a big arrow pointing down to a little hot dog stand. Being hungry and seeing that having an American hot dog would be something new, they decide to try one. So they order two hot dogs and sit on a nearby bench to enjoy another piece of Americana. The first brother sets his hot dog in his lap, unfolds the paper wrapper, looks at his hot dog for a moment, and suddenly wraps it back up.

He then turns to his brother and says, "What part of the dog did you get?"

2tallbill · « **Reply #801 on:** April 16, 2008, 10:00:20 PM »

A guy stops by to visit his friend. They talk for a while and then the friend asks, "My feet are cold. Would you be so kind as to go get me my sneakers please?" The guest obliges and goes upstairs. There he sees his friend's daughters, both very good looking. Being the adventurous and quick thinking kind, he says: "Hi, ladies! Your daddy sent me here to have sex with you!" They stare at him and say, "That can't be!" He replies, "OK, let's check!" He shouts at his friend down the stairs, "Both of them?" "Yes, both of them!"

2tallbill · « **Reply #802 on:** April 16, 2008, 10:01:26 PM »

A robber enters a bank and shouts:
- Everybody freeze! It's a f*ck up!
- Do you mean, it's actually a stick up? one of the clerks asks meekly.
- No! I mean it's a f*ck-up! I've forgotten my gun at home!

2tallbill · « **Reply #803 on:** April 19, 2008, 07:28:19 PM »

Warning Twisted Joke Alert!!!!!
Warning Twisted Joke Alert!!!!!
Warning Twisted Joke Alert!!!!!
Warning Twisted Joke Alert!!!!!

Two tramps were walking along the railroad tracks one day and one tramp said to the other, "I'm the luckiest guy in the world".

"Why is that?" said the other tramp.

"Well, I was walking down these tracks last week and I found a £20. I went into town and bought a case of wine and was drunk for three days."

The other tramp said, "That was pretty good, but I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I was walking down these very tracks about two weeks ago, and just up ahead was a gorgeous naked woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and took her up there in the trees and I had sex with her for two days."

"WOW!!!!", said the first tramp. "You are the luckiest guy; did you get a blow job, too?"

"Well", the other tramp said, "No, I never found her head."

2tallbill · « **Reply #804 on:** April 21, 2008, 10:40:06 PM »

Risky.........

2tallbill · « **Reply #805 on:** April 21, 2008, 10:40:58 PM »

Pragmatic.......

2tallbill · « **Reply #806 on:** April 21, 2008, 10:41:50 PM »

Remote control.......

2tallbill · « **Reply #807 on:** April 21, 2008, 10:42:24 PM »

Whipped......

2tallbill · « **Reply #808 on:** April 21, 2008, 10:43:36 PM »

Hillbilly love...........

2tallbill · « **Reply #809 on:** April 21, 2008, 10:45:11 PM »

Code breaker......

AugustD · « **Reply #810 on:** April 22, 2008, 08:01:43 AM »

Bill,
I have no idea who else comes and checks your jokes but I wish to share a small story with you. I do not wish to make this a sad spot but my father is not well. After a bad round of chemo last week, I was helping him to bed and tucking him in this weekend. For some reason I remembered your "this is a F up!" joke and relayed it to him. Not sure if he went to bed with a big smile because of the timing of a silly joke or because it struck him as it did me.

Just keep them coming. Thanks for the reading!

2tallbill · « **Reply #811 on:** April 22, 2008, 04:40:03 PM »

Quote from: AugustD on April 22, 2008, 08:01:43 AM

Bill,
I have no idea who else comes and checks your jokes but I wish to share a small story with you. I do not wish to make this a sad spot but my father is not well. After a bad round of chemo last week, I was helping him to bed and tucking him in this weekend. For some reason I remembered your "this is a F up!" joke and relayed it to him. Not sure if he went to bed with a big smile because of the timing of a silly joke or because it struck him as it did me.

Just keep them coming. Thanks for the reading!

I don't know if I have ever received such a nice compliment.

I wish I could show this story to my various teachers (kidding) who thought that my joking around would cause me great peril someday.

I wish all the best for you and your Dad.
Udachi! (good luck)

Bill

SANDRO43 · « **Reply #812 on:** April 22, 2008, 04:54:14 PM »

Quote from: AugustD on April 22, 2008, 08:01:43 AM

Bill, I have no idea who else comes and checks your jokes

Simple to get an idea, when you see this thread in a tabular listing like "View unread posts", you'll see a column at right entitled "Views" (it now shows the figure 12,605)

.

2tallbill · « **Reply #813 on:** April 22, 2008, 05:32:20 PM »

Safety First !!!!

2tallbill · « **Reply #814 on:** April 22, 2008, 05:32:51 PM »

Safety First !!!!

2tallbill · « **Reply #815 on:** April 22, 2008, 05:33:31 PM »

Safety First !!!!

2tallbill · « **Reply #816 on:** April 22, 2008, 05:46:11 PM »

***Warning political joke***
***Warning political joke***

"While talking to my friend in Denmark he says he can't figure out why we are even bothering to hold a presidential election.

On one side, you have a bitch who is a lawyer, married to a lawyer, or a lawyer who is married to a bitch who is a lawyer.

On the other side, you have a true war hero married to a woman with a huge chest who owns a beer distributorship.

Is there a contest here?"

MaxxumUSA · « **Reply #817 on:** April 22, 2008, 07:11:21 PM »

Quote from: AugustD on April 22, 2008, 08:01:43 AM

Bill,
I have no idea who else comes and checks your jokes but I wish to share a small story with you. I do not wish to make this a sad spot but my father is not well. After a bad round of chemo last week, I was helping him to bed and tucking him in this weekend. For some reason I remembered your "this is a F up!" joke and relayed it to him. Not sure if he went to bed with a big smile because of the timing of a silly joke or because it struck him as it did me.

Just keep them coming. Thanks for the reading!

Actually... I was just thinking I was going to publicly thank bill for his contributions to this thread. So I guess I will!

Thank you! Very much appreciated! Been reading it since the beginning.

2tallbill · « **Reply #818 on:** April 22, 2008, 10:22:30 PM »

You guys are making me blush .............LOL.

I asked a genie once to make me irresistible to women..........

2tallbill · « **Reply #819 on:** April 22, 2008, 10:53:52 PM »

I was the oldest of 6 kids two brothers and three sisters.
So I got more than my share of the house work. If only I thought
of this back then!!!!

Baby duster

2tallbill · « **Reply #820 on:** April 22, 2008, 11:29:59 PM »

Kinda ironic isn't it..........

2tallbill · « **Reply #821 on:** April 22, 2008, 11:33:15 PM »

Good parenting........

2tallbill · « **Reply #822 on:** April 23, 2008, 12:01:01 AM »

Brrrrrrr...........

2tallbill · « **Reply #823 on:** April 23, 2008, 12:03:14 AM »

Sad but true......

2tallbill · « **Reply #824 on:** April 23, 2008, 12:16:48 AM »

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Author Topic: Time for some Humor!! (Read 477004 times)

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