fsu dating advice please

[Jamesukjames]

I actually work with a guy who loves to save money so he goes to salsa classes and gives married women lifts home.  The women are annoyed that their husbands won't learn salsa so they decide to pay their husbands back by having car sex with this guy.  Even though he's known by the wives to be doing this he is not shunned .  His mind set is he doesn't spend money on dates doesn't have to work at a relationship and gets lots of sex.  All the time the husbands just think their wives have been to just salsa .  There are many guys who think like this especially the 30s still living at home 1 find married woman. 2 cause divorce she gets the house brings along one child.  3 he moves out from parents and in with woman she is afraid of being left by him and acts the perfect wife.

[Trenchcoat]

Most people's advice on here has elements that I agree with trenches views on UK women v Ukrainian and Belarus ring true.  Anecdotatly I think Russians are slightly different having never been I can't comment.  Most of my British born friends wouldn't date fsu and their advice is just don't.  My Latvian male friends eat drink and are merry but are completely closed books about relationship.   My Belarus male friends just try to stop me getting amoung the single females as even when they are married they seem to protect every woman in the group and the women are friendly to each other's faces but malign each other behind each other's backs.  Ukrainians seem more community spirited softer ways softer voices.

I like the soft nature of Ukrainian girls too The downside though tends to be the trust issues. I think they are more prone to get it on with just anyone. There are UW that are harder to crack but then it can go too hard to crack and they are frigid. Belarusian females I get the impression are a little like Polish girls, the tend to be brought up in the family more and have a family outlook. I haven't had much experience with Belarusian girls yet, they seem more reclusive than Ukrainian girls, reserved perhaps as a generality. I'm not sure that they would get with anyone, they will get with guys but perhaps not any guys so less open than Ukrainian girls maybe. Again a relationship still possible with relative ease perhaps though.

I wonder if your Belarusian friends have heard of your bedhopping antics or picked up that you might be a bit randy James and are guarded of letting you near the girls they know. With Polish girls they tend to date within their family and friendship groups and often distrust others outside of it. I was over in Krakow in Poland last summer and most Polish girls seemed pretty inaccessible to strangers. Belarusian girls probably more normal on that front but I got the impression the same family/ friendship group system. Possible to date outside if it so not as confined as Polish girls but still a factor. If your friends think you'll be shagging around they will probably see that as embarrassing to themselves and those that they know and damage their prized family/friendship circle.

Latvia I have never been too,  according to Roosh's guide 'Don't bang Latvia' on Amazon Latvians prize locals over foreigners as there are many sex tourists go there and they have a closed of mentality to foreigners as a whole. So maybe that's thd reason.

I've been to Russia to Moscow once, never met girls in depth as had one at the time. They didn't seem quite as soft and fun loving as Ukrainian girls. They seemed even handed and I would say broadly accessible if you were to pursue. I think you could get with a Russian girl easy enough. Didn't notice any obvious problems. Find Russians in general tend to soften up more with familiarity so the more they see you the more at ease they become even if they haven't talked to you much at all. At first some Russians can be nonchalant, to some maybe even slightly hostile seeming. Ride if out with quiet patience and they'll tend come around more often than not. The Russian girls seem feminine and into men but I don't think as soft as Ukrainian girls, though perhaps that makes UW too easy to be good long term partners idk.

[Jamesukjames]

John you have a smoking hot wife and in 10 years no one in the UK hit on her.   You made me laugh out loud.    I've watched my Belarus gf forget something get out the car cross the street and get chatted up  at the next pavement.  I've seen her get chatted up in museums when we wonder off in different directions.   I've watched men approach her in bars while I've been in the rest room.  I could go on and that was just the social time when we were both working and she was over in UK for only 2 weeks.  I'll never forget meeting after work and as she walked down the street builders from scaffolding yelling Angel.  Now she was a faithful girl because her husband had been unfaithful it seems to be a good set up dating women who are divorced because their husband  cheated.  John no need to get paranoid but if your wife is attractive  she's being chatted up every day unless she's hidden in your basement

[Jamesukjames]

Latvia is confusing because you have ethnic  Latvian and ethnic Russians all with Latvian passports and a fair blend of both nationalities.   Latvian are like Finns and Russians are like Russians.  My Latvian russian  male friends marry Belarus women because they can get more attractive wives due to the pull of an eu passport.

[John Gaunt]

John you have a smoking hot wife and in 10 years no one in the UK hit on her.   You made me laugh out loud.    I've watched my Belarus gf forget something get out the car cross the street and get chatted up  at the next pavement.  I've seen her get chatted up in museums when we wonder off in different directions.   I've watched men approach her in bars while I've been in the rest room.  I could go on and that was just the social time when we were both working and she was over in UK for only 2 weeks.  I'll never forget meeting after work and as she walked down the street builders from scaffolding yelling Angel.  Now she was a faithful girl because her husband had been unfaithful it seems to be a good set up dating women who are divorced because their husband  cheated.  John no need to get paranoid but if your wife is attractive  she's being chatted up every day unless she's hidden in your basement

I didn’t say she doesn’t attract attention. Of course she does but that is not the same as being chatted up.
You and I obviously move in very different social circles.

[Jamesukjames]

Social circles  I'm talking about public spaces in london

[John Gaunt]

Social circles  I'm talking about public spaces in london

Builders catcalling......is that what you call being hit on???
Really?

I avoid London like the plague. Can’t stand the place.

[Boethius]

Trenchs views on modern UK dating ring very true.  About UK women about aggressive male players.  In the 90s some guys would make subtle advances on a wife.  Turn of century they got more blatant.   2010 men have figured it's cheaper and more fun to date someone that is being financed by some hard working guy.  Back in th 90s the guy would be taking his life in his hands.   2019 the husband has to stand by and let it happen or he'll be on an assault charge without any way of making a living.  In the UK on the radio they were saying assault sentences need to be harder because there is an increase in assaults.  UK a stupid country where shouting spitting or making some one afraid by raising your hand is assault as is punching them

Yes, yes, women never cheated on their husbands in the halcyon time of years past.


In general terms, women cheat because they are not receiving emotional fulfillment from their partners, or are overwhelmed by the drudgery of their home lives.  Unsatisfying sex may be a factor, but I think it's far down the list.  The vast majority of women in broad terms, are looking for an emotional connection when they have sex.  There are lots of studies of women who have slept around and they always regret it, because what they seek in sex is not fulfilled by casual encounters. 


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[Boethius]

Ukrainians seem more community spirited softer ways softer voices.

Again I am LOL.  You, as a foreigner, are a source of income in Ukraine.  Ukrainians are not "soft".  They can be helpful to you, they know how to party, but their lives are filled with small indignities and a lot of brutality.  They are far "harder", both men and women, than most Westerners.

My experience - living in Ukraine, visiting frequently.

This is a projection of what you wish to see.  Yes, there are decent people there, but overall, the environment shapes their mentality, and they have to survive because they live in a pretty brutal reality.  They will have no problems lying to you if it benefits them, and that includes relatives.

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[Jamesukjames]

That's why I like boethius reality like a cold bucket of ice water.

[Jamesukjames]

Maybe that came across wrong what I meant is it can be good to cool us down sometimes

[Boethius]

I know what you meant.


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[msmob]

Here in is the problem modern women won't commit to staying faithful yet to bring them from the f s u to uk or usa you must marry them.  In USA you can have pre nuptial agreements in the UK you can not sign away your rights magna Carta.  So trench is correct to long term date an f s u you have to marry and put everything you have on the line or you have to relocate to the fsu.

Trench has never been married and cannot  cope with UK dating, either .... You have proved that you can get a 'jump' - just chose someone looking for the same thing whilst letting another sucker pay for it ...

I don't think either of you can be used as 'experts' re UK women - let alone FSU ones - given you both have SERIOUS trust issues

[Jamesukjames]

Trust issues....divorced in UK due to wife playing away....next 3 year relationship that got to the brink of her and her kids moving in until I realised I was being 2 timed ... a few fsu relationships and then the last one where a sugar daddy was paying for everything  .  Yeah I have trust issues where my financial future is involved you can't give half away too many times before you have nothing.

[Nightwish]

Trust issues....divorced in UK due to wife playing away....next 3 year relationship that got to the brink of her and her kids moving in until I realised I was being 2 timed ... a few fsu relationships and then the last one where a sugar daddy was paying for everything  .  Yeah I have trust issues where my financial future is involved you can't give half away too many times before you have nothing.

If you only give away half of what you have, you can never have "nothing" left -  mathematical impossibility

[Jamesukjames]

Msmob you old timer an ex spurt.  Trench and I are the the young guns were out there in the frontline .   Youre back at Whitehall sipping g and t and reminiscing.  Trench may have some slightly different thought patterns but often he s not far off the mark.  He might not be politically correct  in his speech but he certainly reflects the Minsk and Ukraine I recognise and the UK dating and marriage  scene.  Those who live in ivory towers eventually get the doors kicked in because they overlooked the obvious.

[Jamesukjames]

Night not so the lawyers and barristers turn the man's half to zero )))))

[msmob]

Msmob you old timer an ex spurt.  Trench and I are the the young guns were out there in the frontline .   Youre back at Whitehall sipping g and t and reminiscing. 

)))

You forget I have two teenage daughters and a step-son between 27 and 19 - NONE of them have the issues finding and keeping partners

[Boethius]

Msmob you old timer an ex spurt.  Trench and I are the the young guns were out there in the frontline .   Youre back at Whitehall sipping g and t and reminiscing.  Trench may have some slightly different thought patterns but often he s not far off the mark.  He might not be politically correct  in his speech but he certainly reflects the Minsk and Ukraine I recognise and the UK dating and marriage  scene.  Those who live in ivory towers eventually get the doors kicked in because they overlooked the obvious.

I don't think Trench is on the mark very often, at least not in terms of motivations of women or Ukrainian culture.  He funded his first UW's trip to Cyprus, bought her clothing, then complained about it for six months. 

Both you and Trench are middle aged, so of course the dating scene in the UK is going to be more difficult. It can be easier in the FSU, but unless the woman you are dating is a widow, or divorced because of her husband's drinking, chances are, the FSUW you find acceptable, you could reject in the UK.  You just don't recognize the red flags.

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[lyndontom]

Trust issues....divorced in UK due to wife playing away....next 3 year relationship that got to the brink of her and her kids moving in until I realised I was being 2 timed ... a few fsu relationships and then the last one where a sugar daddy was paying for everything  .  Yeah I have trust issues where my financial future is involved you can't give half away too many times before you have nothing.

Financial issues aside, being cheated on would be a blow to any man's ego and self-worth. It's obvious in your trust issues that it's hit more than just your wallet. then again, you seem to have a habit of selecting the wrong 'sort' of girl.

[lyndontom]

Msmob you old timer an ex spurt.  Trench and I are the the young guns were out there in the frontline .   Youre back at Whitehall sipping g and t and reminiscing.  Trench may have some slightly different thought patterns but often he s not far off the mark.  He might not be politically correct  in his speech but he certainly reflects the Minsk and Ukraine I recognise and the UK dating and marriage  scene.  Those who live in ivory towers eventually get the doors kicked in because they overlooked the obvious.

Sorry, but you and Trench are hardly experts in dating, be it in the UK or FSU.


The simple fact is you find it easier to get laid in Ukraine than in the UK. I'm not disagreeing that this specific element is accurate, but you make some wrong assumptions about UK and FSU women and dating simply because of that fact alone.

[Trenchcoat]

I don't think Trench is on the mark very often, at least not in terms of motivations of women or Ukrainian culture.  He funded his first UW's trip to Cyprus, bought her clothing, then complained about it for six months. 

Both you and Trench are middle aged, so of course the dating scene in the UK is going to be more difficult. It can be easier in the FSU, but unless the woman you are dating is a widow, or divorced because of her husband's drinking, chances are, the FSUW you find acceptable, you could reject in the UK.  You just don't recognize the red flags.

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It was hard trying to date when I was young in the UK, lol. So being early middle aged doesn't make a lot of difference. Most of the girls I was interested in when I was young had many other options and went for them being more sociable, etc. In fairness I didn't pursue the attentions of a few girls I was not interested in as I felt it disengenious to do so, if my heart was not in it only theirs then I saw no point in dishonesty.

It is true that on the UK I would feel out of sorts chasing a girl as young as I might in the FSU. Though some younger girls I still attract attention of. I'm not particularly old looking for a guy of 40, soon to be 41 - you can wish me happy birthday later Now I don't kid myself that I look real young but some old boy in the supermarket had to do a double take of me today to check I wasn't underage, lol. Still the same problems plague me, take a check put girl I see in my local DIY store. She seems to have some attraction to me, she is probably around her mid twenties. I would say she is about a 7, by no means a model, attractive enough but would not attract undue attention for her looks. Well I walked into the DIY store a few weeks back and there she was talking about 'going to a nightclub' with her work colleagues including friends she knows. Now of course I have gone to a fair few nightclubs in the past but it's not really my scene, in short I don't fit in massively.

So I don't fit in then and I don't now, socialising is not my thing. I can do alright one to one but more group stuff not so well. I basically know in social situations as outlined here I would do sh*t. In the FSU like James I seem to fit in and I don't think it's just the foreign/money element. I've been to a nightclub in Kiev and it's a whole different scene and vibe, less socialising more anyone just join in where they like. For some reason in the UK girls love to subject you to the social test of some party event with friends and I'm sick of it. Now I know I've been a bit off in some of the women I've dated in the FSU but I really do still think my chances are better than in the UK. Different realities are present and while these may dissolve on importing a girl to thd west I still think I can give myself a sufficient head start with the right girl handled correctly to make it work.

[Boethius]

Don't kid yourself.  The only reason your chances are better is because you have a foreign passport. Tell girls there you don't make a UK living wage and see how willing they are to date you.


No matter how much you believe you "fit in", you don't.  Your mentality is not Ukrainian, and never will be.  That's not a bad thing - my mentality isn't Ukrainian either, and never will be.  But I do understand the cultural references, and those I didn't (because diaspora Ukrainians and FSU Ukrainians are different), I could have explained to me.


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[Trenchcoat]

Again I am LOL.  You, as a foreigner, are a source of income in Ukraine.  Ukrainians are not "soft".  They can be helpful to you, they know how to party, but their lives are filled with small indignities and a lot of brutality.  They are far "harder", both men and women, than most Westerners.

My experience - living in Ukraine, visiting frequently.

This is a projection of what you wish to see.  Yes, there are decent people there, but overall, the environment shapes their mentality, and they have to survive because they live in a pretty brutal reality.  They will have no problems lying to you if it benefits them, and that includes relatives.

This post was composed without the aid of google.

I think I know what Boethius means. I don't think she is wrong in a lot of what she says. I don't think she would hold such views over a long period of time if there wasn't a lot of truth in what she days.  It's all about seeing it from a certain angle.

In the UK there are council estates & housing association estates - basically social housing for working class people that would have existed in the slums before social housing existed. I consider myself as working class but more of the skilled working class background and lower scale private housing. Now if we consider the FSU as one big council estate as created under the Soviet Union with nearly all social housing and those of the working class slum background we get an idea of what Boethius means. In the UK those on council estates are not all bad but you have to be on your guard with them. Many will happily do you over no matter what for the chance if a quick gain. The same is true of the FSU, some good people can be found and it's not all aggressiveness but stray across the wrong sorghum and they will play you, con you & take you for a ride. Not all, so & so's family may be very nice but if you encounter what I call scroates in the UK (riff raff, fibbers, etc) they will almost certainly be trouble. In the UK I can spot them usually easy enough in the FSU (gopniks there is it) it is harder the less familiar I am with the culture.

[Boethius]

No, that’s not a valid comparison.

The UK was never a society in which informants ran the system, or in modern times, where fealty to the state determined your career and social standing. The UK didn’t starve millions of its citizens to death because they belonged to the wrong ethnicity or didn’t wish to be told how they must live.

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