It appears you have not registered with our community. To register please click here ...

!!

Welcome to Russian Women Discussion - the most informative site for all things related to serious long-term relationships and marriage to a partner from the Former Soviet Union countries!

Please register (it's free!) to gain full access to the many features and benefits of the site. Welcome!

+-

Author Topic: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?  (Read 9343 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline nothankyou

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 4
Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« on: August 31, 2014, 10:44:35 PM »
Hello, I met a Russian girl online without the intention of dating her but after a couple months it moved into that realm. We are both in our early 20s and she initiated the romantic talk.

I'm very happy with her but I've noticed a few things that make me uneasy and I am unsure if this is typical in Russian culture or if she is just generally reserved and/or not as interested as me as I am in her.

Firstly she does not ask me many personal questions about myself. In Western culture we are at the point where we would open up immensely to each other. She seems happy to tell me about herself but barely ever asks me questions about myself. If I talk about myself she does not ask too many additional questions.

Secondly she seems to dodge talk related to love or caring. When we don't talk for a while I will tell her I missed her or something along those lines and she will not acknowledge that I said this or tell me she does as well. This is typical for any kind of talk related to that but she will compliment my physical appearance or personality.

Is this typical behaviour in Russia at this point? It kind of makes me feel shitty but I don't want to ask her and push her away by being needy so I am coming to you folks. I know that she has expressed that she is sad about the complications of filing for visas and all that so it is possible that maybe she is also trying not to fall for me too hard to not get hurt or maybe she just doesn't like me. I've already established she is not after my wallet because we met in a way that would not typically facilitate dating and she flat out told me that she would be offended if I ever offered to give her any money.

Thanks.

Offline Boethius

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3072
  • Country: 00
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: No Selection
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2014, 11:05:54 PM »
Asking personal questions is considered rude, so I would not be alarmed.


It is becoming easier for Russians to obtain visas.  I assume you are American?  If so, I am certain another poster can help you with that process.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline nothankyou

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 4
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2014, 11:12:24 PM »
Asking personal questions is considered rude, so I would not be alarmed.


It is becoming easier for Russians to obtain visas.  I assume you are American?  If so, I am certain another poster can help you with that process.

No, I am Canadian (she gets mad when I say sorry too much as well haha). I'm not particularly concerned with the visa. I think she just believes that I would give up once it becomes too much of a hassle.

At what point would she ask me more questions? It feels very strange to me. Should I bring it up?

Thank you for your post, I feel better.

Offline BillyB

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 16105
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #3 on: September 01, 2014, 12:15:07 AM »
she initiated the romantic talk.


Secondly she seems to dodge talk related to love or caring.



Which is it? Most FSU ladies won't talk love with a person she never met. Don't expect her to ask a lot of questions until she's really into you. Get on the phone or Skype with her often if you haven't already done so. You're just one of a few dozen guys writing her. Stand out. Show you're more serious about her than the other guys.
Fund the audits, spread the word and educate people, write your politicians and other elected officials. Stay active in the fight to save our country. Over 220 generals and admirals say we are in a fight for our survival like no other time since 1776.

Offline Doll

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4947
  • Country: ru
  • Gender: Female
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: No Selection
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #4 on: September 01, 2014, 03:47:31 AM »
   
Is this typical behaviour in Russia at this point?   
Yes, it is typical.

Online Faux Pas

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 10232
  • Country: us
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: No Selection
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #5 on: September 01, 2014, 05:15:24 AM »
How have you been communicating with this woman? You've been at it a few months but you didn't say how you were communicating. "How" does make a significant difference in the answer to your question. If you're still just passing emails and it feels to you that you are having a one sided conversation, you are, dump her. If you are on the telephone or Skype which, you certainly should be by now, it could be something different.

Offline Gator

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 16987
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #6 on: September 01, 2014, 05:50:15 AM »
Hello, I met a Russian girl online without the intention of dating her but after a couple months it moved into that realm. We are both in our early 20s and she initiated the romantic talk.

What exactly did she say to initiate "romantic talk?"


Quote
She seems happy to tell me about herself but barely ever asks me questions about myself. If I talk about myself she does not ask too many additional questions.

Does she talk about herself only as an answer to a specific question?  Or does she just start talking about everything in her life without you asking a question?  Huge difference. 

Quote
Secondly she seems to dodge talk related to love or caring. When we don't talk for a while I will tell her I missed her or something along those lines and she will not acknowledge that I said this or tell me she does as well. This is typical for any kind of talk related to that....

A serious RW will not talk about love until they are feeling it.  And how can a couple feel love if they have never met.  You obviously are feeling something, and you could be moving too fast.  Slow down, and concentrate on compatibility, values, goals, hobbies, sense of humor, intellectual matters, etc. 


Quote
...but she will compliment my physical appearance or personality.

Good. 


Quote
...she flat out told me that she would be offended if I ever offered to give her any money.

I don't know how that subject arose, yet it is a good sign.


If you have not already done this, you should be talking about visiting her in Russia.   Does she suggest, without any prompting by you, that if you do travel she wants you to meet her family and friends?  This is an important gauge of her feelings.   Again, do not ask her directly.  Let her volunteer when you ask "What will we do?"   while in Russia. 

Offline Fashionista

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 308
  • Country: ca
  • Gender: Female
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: None (yet)
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #7 on: September 01, 2014, 09:50:38 AM »
No, I am Canadian (she gets mad when I say sorry too much as well haha). I'm not particularly concerned with the visa. I think she just believes that I would give up once it becomes too much of a hassle.

At what point would she ask me more questions? It feels very strange to me. Should I bring it up?

Thank you for your post, I feel better.


I think you are making too much out of this "relationship".  She is in her 20s and you have never met in person? I can assure you she's not bored at home or lacking attention. I wouldn't be surprised if she even had a boyfriend or (gasp!  8) )  a husband (and a child or two ;) ). Some flirting on the side is considered perfectly acceptable and innocent by many :rolleyes: . Russians are not a Victorian culture, you know.


Corresponding with someone from Canada while improving English skills is fun, that's probably all it is.
« Last Edit: September 01, 2014, 10:07:36 AM by Fashionista »
Find your inner Bart!

Offline nothankyou

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 4
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #8 on: September 01, 2014, 03:49:51 PM »
Lots of different viewpoints, thanks everyone.


Which is it? Most FSU ladies won't talk love with a person she never met. Don't expect her to ask a lot of questions until she's really into you. Get on the phone or Skype with her often if you haven't already done so. You're just one of a few dozen guys writing her. Stand out. Show you're more serious about her than the other guys.

Well Romantic was the wrong word I guess. She actually first started by praising me in certain areas and then saying that I was unlike other guys she knew. She hinted that she wanted to get acquainted with me and we have discussed being in a relationship but it is never to the extent that I would expect from a Western woman.

How have you been communicating with this woman? You've been at it a few months but you didn't say how you were communicating. "How" does make a significant difference in the answer to your question. If you're still just passing emails and it feels to you that you are having a one sided conversation, you are, dump her. If you are on the telephone or Skype which, you certainly should be by now, it could be something different.

Originally emails, then Skype. Skype is still the primary way of communicating but I also have her on Facebook and she made me get VK which is surprisingly a pretty awesome site except for the lack of North Americans. The conversations don't feel all that one sided. She often talks to me first and she asks me when I will Skype with her next some times.

Does she talk about herself only as an answer to a specific question?  Or does she just start talking about everything in her life without you asking a question?  Huge difference.
Everything in her life without asking me many questions. She does ask SOME but barely anything compared to what I would expect from a Western girl at this stage. There is a lot she doesn't know about me.

Quote
A serious RW will not talk about love until they are feeling it.  And how can a couple feel love if they have never met.  You obviously are feeling something, and you could be moving too fast.  Slow down, and concentrate on compatibility, values, goals, hobbies, sense of humor, intellectual matters, etc.
Good idea.

Quote
If you have not already done this, you should be talking about visiting her in Russia.   Does she suggest, without any prompting by you, that if you do travel she wants you to meet her family and friends?  This is an important gauge of her feelings.   Again, do not ask her directly.  Let her volunteer when you ask "What will we do?"   while in Russia.
This is a very good idea. I did talk about visiting her but we mostly just discussed the logistics of it since she lives in a city that is actually a huge pain in the ass to get to. We never really discussed what we would do. I will bring this up when I talk to her next.


I think you are making too much out of this "relationship".  She is in her 20s and you have never met in person? I can assure you she's not bored at home or lacking attention. I wouldn't be surprised if she even had a boyfriend or (gasp!  8) )  a husband (and a child or two ;) ). Some flirting on the side is considered perfectly acceptable and innocent by many :rolleyes: . Russians are not a Victorian culture, you know.


Corresponding with someone from Canada while improving English skills is fun, that's probably all it is.

Thanks for the cynicism. I am also in my 20s. She claims to be a virgin and to have never had a boyfriend before. She said that Russian people find her socially awkward, I have no idea why she seems very extroverted and would probably be very popular here. She actually told me this on probably the second or third Skype call I had with her before I had any romantic intention so I think she is being sincere. She did tell me that she had Skype sex with a guy from Germany before me that she met off the same site but she implied that she was no longer talking to him and it was just a one time thing. She told me she regret it because he was rude to her after so I don't really see any reason not to believe her although it is possible that maybe she is talking to some other guy online but I see no evidence of that on her Facebook or VK, so I assume she isn't lying to me. If she did have a boyfriend or a husband and kids I would see evidence of it on her social media sites. She also regularly gets naked for me on Skype so its a little past flirting. She has been very open with me by inviting me to add her on VK without me pressuring her so I don't see why she would bother if she had a serious relationship.




Reflecting on these posts and thinking to myself I think it may be part cultural, part her feelings not being as strong as mine and part her feeling reluctant to be hurt by the logistics of this. I will dig further with Gator's and other's suggestions.
« Last Edit: September 01, 2014, 03:52:23 PM by nothankyou »

Offline Lily

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2856
  • Country: ca
  • Gender: Female
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: Looking > 5 years
  • Trips: Resident
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #9 on: September 01, 2014, 04:05:33 PM »
Firstly she does not ask me many personal questions about myself. In Western culture we are at the point where we would open up immensely to each other. She seems happy to tell me about herself but barely ever asks me questions about myself. If I talk about myself she does not ask too many additional questions.
 

You Western guys seem to be a strange creatures :) I heard the Western men complain that women ask them too many questions so that they feel like they are being interviewed. And now a Western guy is complaining that he is not being asked many personal questions??

so what do we poor Russian girls do??  :o

My guess would be that it would be more individual rather than cultural.
Da, da, Canada; Nyet, nyet, Soviet!

Offline Fashionista

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 308
  • Country: ca
  • Gender: Female
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: None (yet)
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #10 on: September 01, 2014, 04:11:25 PM »

Thanks for the cynicism. I am also in my 20s. She claims to be a virgin and to have never had a boyfriend before. She said that Russian people find her socially awkward, I have no idea why she seems very extroverted and would probably be very popular here. She actually told me this on probably the second or third Skype call I had with her before I had any romantic intention so I think she is being sincere. She did tell me that she had Skype sex with a guy from Germany before me that she met off the same site but she implied that she was no longer talking to him and it was just a one time thing. She told me she regret it because he was rude to her after so I don't really see any reason not to believe her although it is possible that maybe she is talking to some other guy online but I see no evidence of that on her Facebook or VK, so I assume she isn't lying to me. If she did have a boyfriend or a husband and kids I would see evidence of it on her social media sites. She also regularly gets naked for me on Skype so its a little past flirting. She has been very open with me by inviting me to add her on VK without me pressuring her so I don't see why she would bother if she had a serious relationship.



 :o


Not sure why you are telling me all these details, that's too much info, but I don't think she knows what socially awkward means.


PS You do know a person can create more than one account on VK and facebook?
« Last Edit: September 01, 2014, 04:13:17 PM by Fashionista »
Find your inner Bart!

Offline nothankyou

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 4
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #11 on: September 01, 2014, 04:47:02 PM »
You Western guys seem to be a strange creatures :) I heard the Western men complain that women ask them too many questions so that they feel like they are being interviewed. And now a Western guy is complaining that he is not being asked many personal questions??

so what do we poor Russian girls do??  :o

My guess would be that it would be more individual rather than cultural.
Western women can do this. My last girlfriend asked details into my previous sexual encounters. Some things are better left unsaid. Still no curiosity is strange to me.


 :o


Not sure why you are telling me all these details, that's too much info, but I don't think she knows what socially awkward means.


PS You do know a person can create more than one account on VK and facebook?

Yes they can but it seems like a lot of work just to do this. She has 300 friends on each and actively posts. Seems like a lot of trouble just to flirt with me. Sorry about the details.

Offline Fashionista

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 308
  • Country: ca
  • Gender: Female
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: None (yet)
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #12 on: September 01, 2014, 05:14:11 PM »

Yes they can but it seems like a lot of work just to do this. She has 300 friends on each and actively posts. Seems like a lot of trouble just to flirt with me. Sorry about the details.


It's alright, I have just felt old for a second. I imagined "romantic interactions" slightly differently. I doubt I can offer anything on the subject as we clearly speak different languages and even the simplest words will probably be misunderstood.
Find your inner Bart!

Offline Drew

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 136
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: No Selection
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #13 on: September 01, 2014, 06:00:24 PM »
Finally a romantic thread.

I have nothing to add to what others have written.

I have little experience in the getting started phase since Kate was already here in USA and we just met on campus when she showed me where a particular building was located.

I think you have gotten good advice here so far, so follow it up.

Offline GQBlues

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 11752
  • Country: us
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: None (yet)
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #14 on: September 01, 2014, 06:00:56 PM »
I think you are making too much out of this "relationship".....

Corresponding with someone from Canada while improving English skills is fun, that's probably all it is.

Fully agree on both counts.

The OP needs to get out to date and socialize where he is instead of being taken over by someone he's never met in person, likely never will, and a half a world away.
Quote from: msmob
1. Because of 'man', global warming is causing desert and arid areas to suffer long, dry spell.
2. The 2018 Camp Fire and Woolsey California wildfires are forests burning because of global warming.
3. N95 mask will choke you dead after 30 min. of use.

Offline BillyB

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 16105
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #15 on: September 01, 2014, 06:54:46 PM »
Skype is still the primary way of communicating



Ask for her phone number and call her at random times. Just be aware of the time difference and when she sleeps. If she's not afraid to talk to you in front of her friends, her family, or while she's nude in the bathtub, you are special.


I did talk about visiting her but we mostly just discussed the logistics of it since she lives in a city that is actually a huge pain in the ass to get to. We never really discussed what we would do. I will bring this up when I talk to her next.



Her city doesn't have an airport? If she wants you to visit family and friends, do your best to get there otherwise you can meet in a major city but you'll have to pay for her ticket to get there and put her in a hotel.
Fund the audits, spread the word and educate people, write your politicians and other elected officials. Stay active in the fight to save our country. Over 220 generals and admirals say we are in a fight for our survival like no other time since 1776.

Offline Shadow

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 9097
  • Country: nl
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #16 on: September 02, 2014, 01:33:42 AM »
There are a lot of trains and planes in Russia, there for it can never be too much of trouble to get to her city.
No it is not a dog. Its really how I look.  ;)

Offline sleepycat

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 761
  • Country: au
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: Looking 1-2 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #17 on: September 02, 2014, 02:29:43 AM »
Better off sticking to the trains, Russian domestic flights doesn't exactly have the best of safety record BTW.

Offline Shadow

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 9097
  • Country: nl
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #18 on: September 02, 2014, 02:59:37 AM »
Better off sticking to the trains, Russian domestic flights doesn't exactly have the best of safety record BTW.
Most of the planes did not crash more than once since Soviet times. ;D
No it is not a dog. Its really how I look.  ;)

Offline Anotherkiwi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4089
  • Country: nz
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Looking 1-2 years
  • Trips: 1 - 3
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #19 on: September 02, 2014, 03:02:10 AM »
Better off sticking to the trains, Russian domestic flights doesn't exactly have the best of safety record BTW.

He should be safe enough - has anyone on here ever heard of any members being killed on Russian domestic flights?  I've been on 10 so far, and I'm still here to tell the tale.  8)

Offline sleepycat

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 761
  • Country: au
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: Looking 1-2 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #20 on: September 02, 2014, 03:15:38 AM »
Most of the planes did not crash more than once since Soviet times. ;D

You're probably correct on this point Shadow.
After a plane crashed the first time it becomes a pile of twisted metal, so it will be next to impossible to repair it back to flying status for that plane to have a chance to crash a second time!

Offline Chicagoguy

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1262
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #21 on: September 02, 2014, 07:39:13 AM »
My wife flew at least twice a week for years and is still unafraid.

Offline Lily

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2856
  • Country: ca
  • Gender: Female
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: Looking > 5 years
  • Trips: Resident
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #22 on: September 02, 2014, 10:16:11 AM »
Western women can do this. My last girlfriend asked details into my previous sexual encounters. Some things are better left unsaid. Still no curiosity is strange to me.

 

I would also not ask such personal questions until I know the man in person, and I have a very valid reason to touch upon this subject.

Still unsure whether it is cultural or individual. May be there is some cultural touch upon it. Russians do not usually raise questions of sexual nature unless there is a good reason to do it.
Da, da, Canada; Nyet, nyet, Soviet!

Offline Patagonie

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3257
  • Country: fr
  • Gender: Male
  • >25 travels
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married 3-5 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #23 on: September 02, 2014, 11:19:02 AM »
I have mixed feeling about your contact.
This relationship is half weird.

The best for you is to go : that is the plan, the better one.
And schedule a backup is possible or get adress of any agency around.

Romantic skype adventure ? Sexe skype adventure ? Russian women in her mid twenties always a virgin ? That is weird.

For me your chances to crash are high.

"Je glissais through the paper wall, an angel in the hand, s taboy. I lay on the floor, surgi des chants de Maldoror, je mix l'intégrale de mes nuits de crystal, i belong to the festival.

Offline Boethius

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3072
  • Country: 00
  • Spouse's Country: No Selection
  • Status: No Selection
  • Trips: No Selection
Re: Russian Cultural Differences or Not Interested?
« Reply #24 on: September 02, 2014, 11:44:06 AM »
It's not  half weird.  Unlike almost everyone posting here, they are young.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

 

+-RWD Stats

Members
Total Members: 8883
Latest: Leroy14
New This Month: 1
New This Week: 0
New Today: 0
Stats
Total Posts: 541009
Total Topics: 20849
Most Online Today: 2013
Most Online Ever: 12701
(January 14, 2020, 07:04:55 AM)
Users Online
Members: 11
Guests: 1865
Total: 1876

+-Recent Posts

Re: American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by krimster2
Today at 02:48:08 PM

Re: What to do by krimster2
Today at 01:09:03 PM

Re: American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by Trenchcoat
Today at 12:51:13 PM

Re: What to do by Trenchcoat
Today at 12:33:48 PM

Re: If you don't know what you are talking about, post away anyway by Trenchcoat
Today at 12:24:44 PM

Re: American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by krimster2
Today at 11:16:08 AM

Re: American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by ML
Today at 10:31:43 AM

Re: What to do by krimster2
Today at 09:47:10 AM

What to do by 2tallbill
Today at 09:37:41 AM

Re: If you don't know what you are talking about, post away anyway by 2tallbill
Today at 09:18:17 AM

Powered by EzPortal

create account