Trench's Questions and Philosophies

[Trenchcoat]

I refer the honourable gentleman to the advice of earlier ... 'keep guessing' [ not a bad guess - she did study in that field ]

Indeed it is overly popular with girls in the UK, especially around here, lol. Yes I will think about it and keep guessing

[Trenchcoat]

agree with what you say...

but the FSU has a LOT of personality types and not only the one you've described
I don't know if you've ever seen any of the "mismatched" couples of Ukrainian Woman/Western Man like I have
where you just scratch your head and probably have a puzzled look on your face, and these relationships have a DIFFERENT dynamic
but the odds of finding "one of these" is much less than finding what you describe (my wife's one of those)

it's hard for me to penetrate Trench's opaqueness, Trench to me is the opposite of the noted story teller BillyB
BillyB is VERY transparent to me, I find it hard to understand Trench, and for me that's UNUSUAL
I have a feeling that there is something else "going on" besides finances
it's just too difficult to "see" through an RWD lens

all of my experience validates what you say, that Ukraine is not at all the right place for Trench, unless he wants to "play"
but the hour glass is emptying...
according to a survey, men reach their peak of desirability at age 40, I believe Trench's current age
therefor going forward, Trench will have even less of a chance...

my experience in the UK, you HAVE to be in a big city, this MAXIMIZES your opportunity
for a 100 different reasons, I feel that this is the better choice for Trench

my inadequate explanation of not judging and showing compassion, and in return not being judged and receiving compassion, is important but not understood by Trench

Honestly, this may sound crazy but the only other thought I have is that I may get more joy from US girls than UK girls. Despite he westernisation/feminisation problem I see it less marked in the US ( depneing on area/state). I think my status as a foreigner/Brit would help me out. I kind of like the soft female American accent also, don't like the fat ones though

[krimster2]

Trench,

British men are HUGE in the USA
just don't know how you'd live here long term
and you'd HAVE to live in New York City, where you'd have the largest population

but back to financial issues again

[Trenchcoat]

Trench,

British men are HUGE in the USA
just don't know how you'd live here long term
and you'd HAVE to live in New York City, where you'd have the largest population

but back to financial issues again

Always problems, everywhere.

[BC]

Trench,

The chances of finding someone and 'making it' long term are very slim.  From wannabee to a decade or more of marriage probably something like flipping a coin 10 times in a row and getting all heads.  I personally think that looking for a FSUW for marriage carries worse odds than not looking for one. Chances are much greater for a happy long term marriage just dating at home.

Of course if one is not dating at home all bets are off regardless which plane you board.

IMHO it's a rather hopeless, expensive venture for most.

Just give up the FSUW 'thing', get off the couch, enjoy life and you'll probably find a great mate that might even come from those parts of the world.

[Jumper]

Always problems, everywhere.

Plenty of general  differences in regions within the USA.
But overall your accent alone would draw initial interest most anywhere here.

Still the key would remain to be out and about, leading your life (not on a couch) ,meeting people, and open to talking to people, and not just ones you want to date.
Basically just like in the UK, or the FSU.

I met my first wife from talking to a uk woman I had zero romantic interest in. (Nor was she interested romantically in me) was just a chat, right place right time. Her friend walked up, she introduced us.
Honestly I was struck by a lot of things about her,but only a brief  exchange and i had to go. Never thought much more about it.However the woman I was initially talking to ,knew a mutual friend, and got my number from him ,becaise she knew her friend was really interested and she thought I was a good guy.
I got a call out of the blue, and we hit it off,
 years later a child (who's a young man now ,with his mothers eyes and personality)
So you just never know,but yoiu have to be out there, and open to a genuine relationship (which includes initial trust until.proven wrong)

  I'm not saying you shouldn't search, I'm saying dont put a normal active life on hold for it.Like BC mentioned your odds of meeting someone during daily routine are greater,
But I'd add you need to have a bit of an active life.
If you don't have one,or really interact with people. Then sure, , doing almost anything else, including this silly search ,would increase anyones odds.

Just remember to be open to possibilities
(Note that looking for ways someone might use you is nit being open)

You may meet a great UK lass , at the airport and example.
 So I commend you getting out there,because it certainly  beats doing nothing!
Just doint forget you could meet someone,anywhere,, doing almost anything, something as simple as walking/hiking etc.

That said I used to meet a lot of people thru both work and hobbies.
I also choose certain jobs for travel because I like to.
I made a lot of concious decisions to take various positions,some I wasnt truly qualified for but had a pretty relentless determination to make it regardless at whatever I put my hand to.a
The pay was very seldom a determining factor ,and likely because of my cavalier attitude towards material stuff,women never seemed to notice my lack of it lol or more accurately only  ones with a similar  outlook would be interested right? Chicken or the egg,debate.

Anyway
  It's up to you,its your life, you seem to be reaching for something,  most all of us are.

As always I wish you good luck!

Just try very hard to keep in mind there's always another person in relationships;)
They will.have things they are reaching for, emotionally,spiritually, financially, etc etc
You have to actually genuinelruly deeply care about what they strive for, if you expect them to give a flip about your own life aspirations right?

[krimster2]

dating is expensive Trench!

but if you think London is chaotic, Manhattan is MUCH worse!!!
and none of the major advantages of London (but NYC has a lot to offer, if you can put up with the bad things)
I just think London has a lot more to offer you - cuz you can build a new life there
American women would be very expensive for you
to give you an example, my 17 yr old has a combined income while in high school that is about 50% of your income + free room and board, car, etc
imagine what'll be 10-15 yr from now
the expectations of such women are pretty high, you DON'T want to disappoint, or seem lesser to such a woman
or she will discard you like yesterday's newspaper

I really think that in your situation, if you don't want to become a drug dealer or bank robber
then you need to take a different approach and avoid "conventional" dating all together

get out of the village
move to a better location (I can only suggest London) but there may be other places, you'd know much better than me where they'd be
get a new job, new place
find a female room mate with benefits to help with expenses (and whatever else that "may come up")
and see if the relationship can move to the next level
rather than the "wine and dine" approach

to use a martial arts analogy
you're trying to use "Boxing" which requires a lot of energy (money)
vrs JuJitsu, which requires very little energy, Jujitsu just "redirects" the opponents energy

you need to Jujitsu your way with women and not boxing
I'm REALLY bad with analogies, but do you get the concept behind what I'm trying to express?
or should I stop microdosing before I post here?

[The Natural]

Been Reading somewhat of this thread, enough to see that you're mobbed a lot. I don't care for a posse. But I liked Jumpers last entry, well meaning, decent advice and experience without the all so familiar insults, explained as advice for Your betterment, so often cited here.
Krimster too, but I'm wary as I've read a few very decent replies to someone from him, and followed by a bombshell of insults in the last sentence, haha.

[Trenchcoat]

Just try very hard to keep in mind there's always another person in relationships;)
They will.have things they are reaching for, emotionally,spiritually, financially, etc etc
You have to actually genuinelruly deeply care about what they strive for, if you expect them to give a flip about your own life aspirations right?

Thanks Jumper that is good advice, the last girl I queried here aspiration though I didn't get in board with it. I think if I had made more of effort to look into getting on board with it there might have been more go in the relationship - rather as a genuine interest with working with her on it rather than just saying I'll set he'd up in it.

I guess I am more used to the man having he's project and the woman supporting it, though I guess what you are saying is probably more the thing to focus on these days - that you both likely have something different you want to do.

Krimster, well I guess there are rich guys daughters then there are other girls Thing is London is a 'very' expensive place now and I would only meet a load of girls with overly high expectations there, rich or poor the would all want Mr dogs bullocks, lol.

[krimster2]

ah am a southern gentleman sir
if a man in my culture
is called a liar by another
so long as the subject in dispute
is not the length of a fish
then by custom ah would be entitled
to justly return any such injury inflicted upon me
I do not shy away from this tradition
my earnest advise is to always obey the golden rule
because ah will with a high degree of certainty, “do unto you”

well Trench, you don't have to go to Kensington or SoHo or Mayfair
but surely there must be some place better than where you find yourself now
I know there are cheaper places in the east end
because I've spent a lot of time in Rochdale, what about places like (gasp) Birmingham
based upon its unwholesome appearance and reputation they might actually pay you to live there!
it has a lot of working class neighborhoods that should be inexpensive
maybe you need to refactor your expenses
once you find more reasonable employment
then trade your paid for village house
as a down payment on something in London, etc
get a room mate to assist with monthly payments
this is basically how I "pulled myself up"
you CAN do this...

[msmob]

Trench,

you aren't ML ..so why would you think you'd succeed with his approach ?

[2tallbill]

Trench,

you aren't ML ..so why would you think you'd succeed with his approach ?

Trench is going to go with an approach that only works inside his head.
He isn't going to go with ML's method, he is only using parts of ML's
words to justify what he is going to do, wherever and whenever ML's
tactics differ from his, he will use something somebody else says to
rationalize that.

There is a woman out there for every man including Trench. If he keeps
putting himself out there he might cross paths with her. If he gains enough
experience and failures he might generally improve his methods and tactics
through trial and error (or not).

If I lived in Blighty and was still single, being so close I might travel to the FSU
every other week or every third week for a three day weekend and meet girls
until everything clicked with one.

Trench isn't going to do that, he has some idea in his head that he is going to
try and that's that.

It's my hope that newbies will learn from reading we write in this thread and
some will, but some won't. Trench is in the won't category.

[Trenchcoat]

Unlike many other guys here, I didn't pay too much attention to photos as they often might not give correct situation, and most of the gals in Ukraine are not too bad looking anyway.  I am more of a body man than a face man.  There were only a few that I met that were 'butt ugly.'  Even those, I treated decently and kept meeting as short as possible.

Ah, I was starting to wonder if that may have been the case, and hence my question. That is how it was possible for you to get roughly 50 percent initial response back when mine was only 10 percent if that and then a fall off in communication thereafter. It's why it's important to outline the details of the strategy in full I think as otherwise one person could go about it in a whole different way to another.

I'm more of a face man myself though sometimes I sit there visually undressing a girl in her photo imaging what it would be like to be on her

[Boethius]

And she's imagining the nice life of material prosperity you'll be capable of providing.  So you'll both end disappointed.

[Trenchcoat]

Trench,

you aren't ML ..so why would you think you'd succeed with his approach ?

As we have seen here ML had not properly outined or the necessary details at the start of this thread. So I have unwittingly been taking a different approach to ML. ML seems confident that he's approach can work well. Why would I think anyone else's approach might work for me. Well I don't know fully but I need to take an approach. I can see why ML does what he does, it potentially brings up the girls most interested in him as they stay the course of the communication. Just yesterday I had a girl wig out of a Skype meeting with me - apparently work but I think she just lost the balls/wasn't interested in me enough. So time can be wasted with girls who aren't that interested. Thd only other way I know is wait for them to contact me, but this can be limiting and a bit slow waiting for them to contact me.

If like ML says you can get up to around 20 girls then it's just a case of seeing if any have chemistry and thd odds can be increased. So his method is not necessarily a bad method I think.

[Trenchcoat]

Trench is going to go with an approach that only works inside his head.
He isn't going to go with ML's method, he is only using parts of ML's
words to justify what he is going to do, wherever and whenever ML's
tactics differ from his, he will use something somebody else says to
rationalize that.

There is a woman out there for every man including Trench. If he keeps
putting himself out there he might cross paths with her. If he gains enough
experience and failures he might generally improve his methods and tactics
through trial and error (or not).

If I lived in Blighty and was still single, being so close I might travel to the FSU
every other week or every third week for a three day weekend and meet girls
until everything clicked with one.

Trench isn't going to do that, he has some idea in his head that he is going to
try and that's that.

It's my hope that newbies will learn from reading we write in this thread and
some will, but some won't. Trench is in the won't category.

I have only been using parts of ML's methos unbeknown to me since he didn't outline it in fill from the offset. Now I see why he contacted 1000 girls as a small sample group of girls would not be enough to be assured of any girls getting through who are interested enough.

ML's strategy is good for a visit of probably at least a couple of weeks or more to visit all the many girls.

If I am following Nightwish's strategy of a long weekend I would have too many girls on my hands. Yet as I have seen 'writing to' (i.e initiating contact with girls first) many can drop off communication wise - it can take time to drum up a girl to visit where thd interest is there from her. So she doesn't drop of in contact during messaging or before even Skyping. Waiting for a girl to write is one way, trying to boost the profile up the ranks. I'm not sure how Nightwish managed drumming up one a month if do, that is going some compared to my experience.

[John Gaunt]

Ah, I was starting to wonder if that may have been the case, and hence my question. That is how it was possible for you to get roughly 50 percent initial response back when mine was only 10 percent if that and then a fall off in communication thereafter. It's why it's important to outline the details of the strategy in full I think as otherwise one person could go about it in a whole different way to another.

I'm more of a face man myself though sometimes I sit there visually undressing a girl in her photo imaging what it would be like to be on her

And there we have it, folks. Trench is a sexually frustrated 40 yr old. Perhaps he was the template for the movie, ‘The 40 Year Old Virgin’?
He’s only in it for his jollies.
Trench, the sex tourist.

[Nightwish]

I have only been using parts of ML's methos unbeknown to me since he didn't outline it in fill from the offset. Now I see why he contacted 1000 girls as a small sample group of girls would not be enough to be assured of any girls getting through who are interested enough.

ML's strategy is good for a visit of probably at least a couple of weeks or more to visit all the many girls.

If I am following Nightwish's strategy of a long weekend I would have too many girls on my hands. Yet as I have seen 'writing to' (i.e initiating contact with girls first) many can drop off communication wise - it can take time to drum up a girl to visit where thd interest is there from her. So she doesn't drop of in contact during messaging or before even Skyping. Waiting for a girl to write is one way, trying to boost the profile up the ranks. I'm not sure how Nightwish managed drumming up one a month if do, that is going some compared to my experience.

I have a nice personality and can express myself well in writing, and more often girls actually  seeked me out wanting to communicate. I contribute that to my very good profile that more then often got praise from the women involved.

I didn't use PUA approach, I didn't talk to women as if they were a sex-object for my desire, I treated them as individuals and humans - as women - and I actually enjoy an intellectual conversation with a woman even if there is not a romantic undertone.
Trumming up one a month was with ease. 

I was always told that I was so very different in my communication to everyone else, now I don't really know how other talk to women on these sites, but I had a winning concept.

I guess by not starting a letter with: "Oh you're so hot and sexy, can you videocall me!" was one of my winnings.

[2tallbill]

Trench, your approaches have failed in the past, just as posters predicted.  Why not use the advice successful (by that, I mean men who have entered into relationships with FSUW) posters suggest?  Your pig headed stubborness is defeating you.

[Trenchcoat]

I guess by not starting a letter with: "Oh you're so hot and sexy, can you videocall me!" was one of my winnings.

Why what did you start your messages with? Most of the profiles I view the girl hasn't written anything for her profile so little to go on.

I can only think that apart from the girls that message you, you are going for girls in the 5-6 looks category (at least by profile photo), nothing wrong with that as if the chemistry is there then all can be good. Those girls will get less hits and will be more likely to stay the course of the communication.

[krimster2]

"...visually undressing a girl in her photo imaging..."

oh, I am MUCH worse than that, cuz it's reality first, and THEN saved to my imagination like a backup drive
what happens if one day the a-pock-a-lips comes and no more porn?
my porn vault is up here in my memory, doesn't require electricity OR internet

incels (just learned that term) have my sympathy

if Trench can't get a conventional relationship going
then I hope he meets a "freak" I don't know if they exist in the UK
I've only met them in the USA
"freak" is just my word taken from the "she's a very freaky girl" song
I've encountered 3 freaks in the USA, all on the east coast (maryland and NYC)
they were all eerily similar in appearance
somewhat short (I'm 6'4" or maybe 6'3" now)
freaks are shorter, maybe 5'3" is my guess
they all had short brown hair, blue eyes, plain face, and just a little over the ideal weight
they didn't want me to be their boyfriend or husband or "take them out"
they ONLY wanted to see and fondle my willy
my guess is their sexual development somehow gets interrupted at an early age, and they're stuck in a "show me yours, I'll show you mine" kind of state
but what they're REALLY after is just for me to show them mine and they want to "manhandle"(?) it

oh get that "stuffy" look off of your face please, you've never showed yours?
maybe really is confined to USA

nobody but me has had this experience?
why is everyone looking at me like that?

[Nightwish]

Why what did you start your messages with? Most of the profiles I view the girl hasn't written anything for her profile so little to go on.

I can only think that apart from the girls that message you, you are going for girls in the 5-6 looks category (at least by profile photo), nothing wrong with that as if the chemistry is there then all can be good. Those girls will get less hits and will be more likely to stay the course of the communication.

Hello.

No. You're rating for how "hot" a women look is absolutely of no interest to me, I can bet money that your taste and mine are not the same, but to use it for your 'amusement', I only contacted and talked to "10's", and my gf is a 12.

Since she is very active on social media and elsewhere so very easy to find, I have no intention of putting a picture of her here knowing what creeps lurks on this forum, and she has a daughter aged 16 who also has a lot of pictures up of the two of them, so someone might get a boner and start stalking her daughter.

To give you an idea, this is the first picture that comes up as suggestion with an image search. I say it again, this is NOT my gf, only a representation of her. Same black hair, same blue/grey eyes.

[Trenchcoat]

Hello.

Ah your obviously a genius then in thinking up a opener that just about 100 percent of other guys use, lol. There no pull in hello, it's what comes after where there might be clearly. I see no reason why you would gain any more interest than any other from your first initial statement.

[Nightwish]

Ah your obviously a genius then in thinking up a opener that just about 100 percent of other guys use, lol. There no pull in hello, it's what comes after where there might be clearly. I see no reason why you would gain any more interest than any other from your first initial statement.

You asked me how I started my letters, and what I can remember,  I started every letter with Hello

How I after that crafted a first response or first contact would vary between the ladies, you see, I respect women, I like women, I like to talk to women, I notice details, I observe how they write to me, I tailored my message to their profile, a detail in their picture, I asked them interesting questions. There is no template for how I approached, and even if it was, that is nothing you could benefit from, you are not me.

I am not saying I got 100% response from those I contacted, depending on the site, maybe 40-60%. But once I had a communication going, very few just stopped talking to me without notice.

and I am not in the business to give you specifics, you haven't taken a single piece of advice so far, so why should I waste the space?

[Jumper]

Thanks Jumper that is good advice, the last girl I queried here aspiration though I didn't get in board with it. I think if I had made more of effort to look into getting on board with it there might have been more go in the relationship - rather as a genuine interest with working with her on it rather than just saying I'll set he'd up in it.

Ever see the movie Phenomenon ?

Great movie with Travolta and Robert Duvall.

Duvall's character Doc, has a great line in it about winning the heart of a woman.or at least attempting to.

 He bought her chairs

Every woman has her chair, something she needs to put herself into, Banes. You ever figure out what Lisa's chairs were and buy 'em?

Here's the clip... and remember it's not about literally purchasing anything