Trench's Questions and Philosophies

[krimster2]

"but I suspect that your wife's behaviour is just indicative of the type of home she grew up in."

yes BO you are correct, it was and still IS horrible
OMG, kids and I are glad to be away from it

but there are LOTS of people in the FSU who grew up in homes like this
and of course in the West as well




"Nope, your wife exhibits typical FSU gopnik culture, both in your home and with her family. You yourself characterized as such."

instead of characterizing her behavior as gopnick
i'm more inclined to go with BO's idea about someone coming from a bad home
my wife grew up in a 2 room shack with no indoor toilette in an agricultural labor village in Crimea
people in this stratum of Soviet society were at the very bottom
father is a VERY angry man with PTSD, life will do that to you in the village
and so was the mother, now deceased
this was the only world my wife knew before I met her
how would you expect someone from this background to behave?
despite having this handicap, my wife is one of the "best" people I have ever met
and I am eternally thankful that I married her and not someone else
even the most beautiful diamond will have some small internal imperfections
but it is still beautiful and cherished



"I do not think "cycle" is an excuse to be emotionally and verbally abusive to those you love, and use logic and compromise for conflict resolution"

totally in agreement with you
but events don't always follow a logical pathway

[msmob]

Advice? It wasn't an 'advice'. It's an observation.

My Bad..

LMAO! I always find this amusing...I often wondered how it is that men who have had multiple divorces would actually believe he's the authority in successful relationships/marriages. How does one 'counter' subjective instances in everyone's life?

I nearly have two divorces  under my belt  - and have posted my howlers - someone might learn how NOT to do it. 

Whilst I have the UTMOST respect for those who manage to stay together, I feel more than competent to comment on why Trench cannot keep a relationship for more than a few days...

[JayH]

DO be sure to post and tell us your 'secret city'  !

If you are still searching - where have you been going 'wrong' before ?

No --I am not still searching -- but -you never know.
"Wrong"-- I was in a relationship that lasted longer than your marriage fwiw
 

[JayH]

very well stated msmob!
oichen horrosho!

jay? I'm confused, I thought you had a "significant other"

I am not big on current specifics  --but --
I am in relationship that  is now in years ( how time flies!).

The observations I mentioned  were being made with her assistance  !  Just for you K  -- she is a 170cm  52kgs who has a stunning presentation that gets second  looks from near enough every 2nd male for 16 to 60 ----and looks from many girls .

We  have been at various beach  & river resorts and have just  completed our annual popka comparison survey !!!  Going back a few years the "is mine better/smaller/tighter" etc etc . Now -- that is a question even I am not dumb enough  to throw a negative in an answer  -- so I said " I will take photo's and you can judge !!
  My girl is currently doing modern dance classes  with a group of 18-20 yo who think she is about 22 /23  -- which pleases her no end to hear ! ( she has just turned 30 and had a  life crisis over it )!!!!!!!

[GQBlues]

No --I am not still searching -- but -you never know.
"Wrong"-- I was in a relationship that lasted longer than your marriage fwiw

  
Is there a thread for this here?   

[JayH]

"but I suspect that your wife's behaviour is just indicative of the type of home she grew up in."

yes BO you are correct, it was and still IS horrible
OMG, kids and I are glad to be away from it

but there are LOTS of people in the FSU who grew up in homes like this
and of course in the West as well




"Nope, your wife exhibits typical FSU gopnik culture, both in your home and with her family. You yourself characterized as such."

instead of characterizing her behavior as gopnick
i'm more inclined to go with BO's idea about someone coming from a bad home
my wife grew up in a 2 room shack with no indoor toilette in an agricultural labor village in Crimea
people in this stratum of Soviet society were at the very bottom
father is a VERY angry man with PTSD, life will do that to you in the village
and so was the mother, now deceased
this was the only world my wife knew before I met her
how would you expect someone from this background to behave?
despite having this handicap, my wife is one of the "best" people I have ever met
and I am eternally thankful that I married her and not someone else
even the most beautiful diamond will have some small internal imperfections
but it is still beautiful and cherished



"I do not think "cycle" is an excuse to be emotionally and verbally abusive to those you love, and use logic and compromise for conflict resolution"

totally in agreement with you
but events don't always follow a logical pathway

I have no problem poking at the k over numerous issues--but --I am sort of with him over many of the comments on his family.
he has given a warts and all type  summary -- and many have sort to take his observational type comments to the extreme negative extension.

I have see pretty much what he has described --  and  I mean from different people. I have also seen the softer side as described by AJ(Jumper)--  and to confuse the issues-- even both ends of the scale in the same person !!!

[JayH]

  
Is there a thread for this here?

A long time ago -- a guy did a TR that was written 10 years after the event --  that seemed like a good idea to me !

My Ukrainian ex is extremely computer competent/savvy -- and if she read about herself  my thoughts on a public forum -- mmmm.
FWIW --  I still have a very solid relationship with her  and I do not plan to change that.

My preference is for it to stay private -- and it will.

[krimster2]

“I have no problem poking at the k over numerous issues--but --I am sort of with him over many of the comments on his family.”

why thank you Jay, very gracious of you to say this!
and ya know, you’re not a bad chap really...

so was your city Nikolaev? not a bad choice at all IMHO if it is
I visited a factory there, the only one that makes al-you-minium boats in Ukraine
came VERY close to buying one even wired the money to my bank in Ukraine (had to end up buying an apartment instead), and was planning on reselling them in the USA, but had too many “krisha" issues which led to frustration, typical for Ukraine/Russia
but a whole lotta beauties there, and more laid back than Odessa (but I love O-dyessa, moy dadooska was born there and lived in Moldavanka)

[msmob]

No --I am not still searching -- but -you never know.

Designed to mislead ..  methinks our Aussie 'secret squirrel' IS searching, again ..and I don't care, either way ...

You need to be more mindful of what you wrote...

"Wrong"-- I was in a relationship that lasted longer than your marriage fwiw
 

WAS.. hmm - another slip ?

...and how long do you think my marriages have lasted ...? I think you are 'mistaken'

It should be noted that JayH is obfuscating  - as he forgot to tell us where he's located ...

What's the matter JayH?... -frightened Trench might move in on your 'Missus ' ...

[krimster2]

I dunno msmob, when you live in Ukraine/Russia and you're just CONSTANTLY surrounded by the most beautiful women EVER
I just don't think I can find fault with someone in this environment, whose mind may "wander" a bit
it happens....

[Boethius]

How many pages and threads must it take for the vast majority members of this discussion board to drive their point that they just don't like trenchcoat?

Do you guys do this in your actual lives? Follow a person around you don't like every chance you get just for the sheer chance to let him know you don't like him/something's wrong with him? It's almost like one derogatory post after another trying to outdo the previous...

Pretty darn strange really. I'm no longer sure who is more *unbalance* between TC or his detractors? Take a step back and realize, with all your declaration of all things wrong with the dude, he has single-handedly got (almost) the entire membership wrapped around his fingers. A shock jock if there ever was one.

Does he have the membership wrapped around his finger?  I don't think so.  But the things he posts are so out there, I do think he trolls.

I don't have an issue pointing out his failings.  I have never met anyone IRL who displays that level of misogyny and stupidity, so no on that point. 

[GQBlues]

A long time ago -- a guy did a TR that was written 10 years after the event --  that seemed like a good idea to me !

My Ukrainian ex is extremely computer competent/savvy -- and if she read about herself  my thoughts on a public forum -- mmmm.
FWIW --  I still have a very solid relationship with her  and I do not plan to change that.

My preference is for it to stay private -- and it will.

Of which I would have no problem respecting.

[GQBlues]

Does he have the membership wrapped around his finger?  I don't think so.  But the things he posts are so out there, I do think he trolls.

I don't have an issue pointing out his failings.  I have never met anyone IRL who displays that level of misogyny and stupidity, so no on that point.

If so, then why perpetually feed it? At some point, one has to believe you're as much guilty of promoting (perpetuating) what you find objectionable. It's reduced now to just adding fuel to the fire.

[BillyB]

  I still have a very solid relationship with her  and I do not plan to change that.

Translation: I can't catch another woman so I'll hang on to what's left of this one.

JayH, She's moved on. You should move on. You should be nicer to people on the internet and they won't rub your failings in your face as often.

[Boethius]

If so, then why perpetually feed it? At some point, one has to believe you're as much guilty of promoting (perpetuating) what you find objectionable. It's reduced now to just adding fuel to the fire.

Every misogynistic statement he makes should be challenged.

[BillyB]

Every misogynistic statement he makes should be challenged.

It's why we are going on 80 pages here and have easily added 10 pages to every other thread Trench posts in. I've said my two cents to Trench a long time ago. Newbies can read and judge for themselves who makes sense and who does not. If they don't "get it" on their own after reading numerous advice, they can't be helped. Those following Trench after every posts gives the impression they are stalkers and have more issues than Trench.

[Boethius]

The last 4 pages of this thread have had little to do with Trench.


If you think posters are following Trench around and it bothers you, put them on ignore. 

[GQBlues]

Bothers me? No, why would it? Like I mentioned here before, I'm simply sharing an observation. (sorry, I thought the last post was intended for me)

Every misogynistic statement he makes should be challenged.

It has accomplished what exactly?


Interestingly, I heard a statement the other day when a guy was asked why or how can he forgive a transgression made against him so easily. He said, "It's easier to forgive someone because days after you do, you're no longer preoccupied with it anymore. Rather than hold a grudge or contempt which you'll need to carry with you for every day of your life!"


.

[Boethius]

What does any post on this forum accomplish?

[BillyB]

The last 4 pages of this thread have had little to do with Trench.

Okay, so only 75 pages of this thread is about Trench. That makes me feel better. Trench should feel better too even though he didn't even start and title this thread. Who did that in his honor? The CLEVER title alone invites dogpiling.

If you think posters are following Trench around and it bothers you, put them on ignore.

I don't put anybody on ignore. This thread has been boring because it's been the same ol' same ol'.  I've probably read less than 6 pages of it.

[Boethius]

Yet here you are, telling others how to post, in a thread you don't read.

[BillyB]

Yet here you are, telling others how to post, in a thread you don't read.

I don't need to read people piling constantly on Trench over and over. When you hear a broken record after a few spins, you know what the rest of the song is going to sound like. Some people enjoy it. Not me. Was it you that started and titled this thread?

[Boethius]

And I post again, yet here you are, telling others what they should and should not post, on a thread you allegedly don't read.

[BillyB]

And I post again, was it you that started and titled this thread? We can play this game all day. Adding another 10 pages to this thread that's not Trench related will improve it.

[krimster2]

“Every misogynistic statement he makes should be challenged.”

zachem?  will it lead to his or someone else’s journey towards a deeper spiritual knowledge?
when it comes to making this journey, you can’t “talk it” you have to “walk it”

BTW, quick follow-up on the Russians not being as bad as I have portrayed...
in 2004, I met a British psychiatrist in Kyiv, who was writing a book about PTSD in Ukrainian society, a delightful woman, whose company and conversation I MUCH enjoyed
she interviewed hundreds of random people for her book, and she told me about half suffered from PTSD! 

to give you an example of this, I once saw a UW kick in a car door because the car drove too close to her because the driver wanted to quickly get into a parking space
I don’t mean a little “soccer ball" kick, I mean snarling, kicking, jumping on the car and trying to open the door to attack the driver!
this happened about 20 feet away from me, I was FREAKED! I never saw anything like it my life!

to me, my wife’s behavior is TOTALLY PTSD related! she’s a victim, not a perpetrator
based on my own observations and the conversation with the psychiatrist, PTSD is WAY more common in Ukraine then someone not familiar with the culture would imagine
I can’t speak towards “Ukraine” but in Crimea, the tension is so thick you “can cut it with a knife"  it’s gotten much worse since I was last there almost 10 yr ago
this constant tension and anxiety destroys people, I really feel “sick inside” about what I saw there recently, and I know the worst is yet to come...

jay if you’re in Odessa or Nikolaev, stay away from all major Ukrainian government buildings, train stations, military posts, etc.  I am QUITE serious, I just don’t know when yet, but with all the iphones I handed out to family members in the military, when I see them being deployed, I will try and give notice on this board, and I can not be more serious!
if you saw what I saw in Crimea, you would know what I'm telling you here is 100% correct, just sayin...