Weddings in the FSU

[mendeleyev]

Several excellent threads exist on this topic, but most are older and not as easily accessible to newer members. I am hoping that we can develop this, then have it as a "stickie" to always be available to new members who have questions about the process.




At the outset we will touch on the legal and cultural issues of marrying someone in the FSU. From the perspective of the law, we are talking about nations who are parties to the Geneva and Hague Conventions. Therefore, a marriage in an FSU country is just as legal in Canada and the USA.  It should also be noted that a divorce decree in one country, is also just as legal and binding in another country.

 

[mendeleyev]

 Culturally there are some important distinctions between practices in varying countries:

- A church wedding is legal in many Western nations, but most Eastern European and Asian countries do not recognize religious wedding ceremonies performed in their own countries.

- Most foreign marriages are not as daunting as sometimes feared. The process is generally straightforward and if you follow the steps, you will have a rewarding experience. Be sure to check the requirements as listed on the in-country website of your Embassy.

- Culturally, and this does not apply to every FSU lady, weddings that have been blessed/performed/finished in her church are sometimes considered to be more serious, as opposed to a ceremony done simply at ZAGS or a ceremony in your country. If the girl is Orthodox, or Muslim, there are certain blessings that make the religious ceremony "more binding," if such were possible. For example, a marriage that was "sealed" in her church is a sacred sacrament, and thus sometimes viewed as somehow more serious/binding that a marriage without it.

- A wedding performed in an FSU civil ceremony comes with lots of symbolism. Do not make the mistake of thinking of it as similar to a wedding in Las Vagas, for example.

- For religious ladies, whether Orthodox or Muslim, there are several "fasting" periods during the year in which a wedding ceremony is prohibited.

- When your lady mentions the term "wedding" she is referring to the entire process, not just one event. She is encompassing everything from flowers, rings, flowers, clothing and transportation, the ceremony, and the party afterwards.

 

[mendeleyev]

Helpful links for Russian marriage:

http://moscow.usembassy.gov/marriage.html

http://www.canadainternational.gc.ca/russia-russie/emergency_services_urgences/Marriage.aspx?lang=eng

http://www.british-consulate.org/marriage-abroad.html

http://russia.embassy.gov.au/mscw/marryinrus.html
 


Helpful links for Ukrainian marriage:

http://usa.mfa.gov.ua/en/consular-affairs/services/civil-registration/marriage

http://canadainternational.gc.ca/ukraine/consular_services_consulaires/marriage-mariage.aspx?lang=eng

http://uk.mfa.gov.ua/en/consular-affairs/marriage

http://australia.mfa.gov.ua/en/consular-affairs/services/civil-state/marriage
 


This is not an exhaustive list, so please feel to contribute additions.

 

[mendeleyev]

Legal jargon and requirements (some requirements vary by FSU country):


ZAGS (ЗАГС) is the civil registry office in Russian cities. It records all of life events from births to marriages to deaths. Most Western men know it for the marriage function.

RAGS (РАГС) is the civil registry office in Ukrainian cities.

Wedding Palace: A civil registration facility is also known as a "wedding palace" (Дворец Бракосочетания).

Apostille: An apostille is the equivalent of an international notarial seal.

Certificate of Non Impediment: is a document that describes your actual marriage status, specifically as to whether or not you can legally marry. Check with you nation's Embassy to see if they will do this for you.

Divorce decree: If divorced, you may be asked for an apostille copy of your divorce decree by some countries, but not all. (Most Embassies will not perform this--likely it needs to be done locally in your home state/province).

Passport: The personal information page of your passport must be translated into Russian, and notarized. Check with your nation's Embassy to see if they will do this for you.

Visa: You must possess a currently valid visa to show that you are legally in countries that require a visa.

Birth Certificate: while not required for some FSU countries, some Western countries require that the Russian spouse's Certificate of Birth be translated and notarized prior to granting a non-impediment document to the Western spouse. If you are a Western spouse and are required to submit a birth certificate, it must have an apostille from your home locality.
 
At the completion of your civil ceremony, you will be given an official government Certificate of Marriage. There will likely be an address for a civil office that will provide an apostille so that you can have international proof of the marriage upon returning to your home country. Check with your country to see if there are any marriage registration requirements at home.
 

[mendeleyev]

Miscellaneous tips:

Traditions may include ransom of the bride that morning, wedding towels at the ceremony, wedding bread tradition at the party, order of toasts at the party, and to some ladies (no matter her age) the tradition of asking her father's blessing and that accompanying ritual of bread with vodka toasts after he approves.

Note: some traditions vary widely from Russia to Ukraine or even from region to region so it's best to ask, listen, then research and ask follow-up questions of your lady.
 
Some ladies might also require you to meet with her family priest for his blessing.
Grooms are usually responsible for transportation of the wedding party (most everybody including guests) to/from the lady's home, to ZAGS or RAGS, and on to the other destinations for flowers and toast, the wedding party itself, and then back home. She may not mention it but culturally you might be expected for those arrangements so don't hesitate to ask. It is cheaper than you'd expect.
 
It is not that unusual for the entire wedding party to end up back at her apartment, either for the wedding party if it's small or after a larger wedding party has ended at a restaurant, and that arrangement could be for several days depending on how far out of town relatives had to travel by train, so be mentally prepared to spend the wedding night in a one or two room apartment packed to the gills with guests. Not in all cases, but it isn't unusual. My MIL graciously arranged for everyone to move to an Aunt's place the second day so we got little bit of privacy before leaving for a honeymoon on a tour bus to St Pete.




The towel that the couple steps onto during the ceremony represents two families, and the couple step onto it to make a new family that integrates both sets of relatives. (If they have a religious wedding the towels will be used in the Orthodox or Jewish wedding ceremony also.)
Often you will see two other towels carried with the wedding bread.

Three towels symbolize two families coming together to create a new one, the third. For Christian couples there is also the aspect of God’s blessing, the Trinity, on the marriage. Tradition says that these towels are reserved for use when children of the couple are baptized.

After the ceremony it is typical for the party to drive to one or more parks or significant plazas. There, the couple and group will make toasts, and lay flowers in honour of fallen heroes. In Moscow, one of the most popular spots is the tomb of the unknown soldiers just outside the Kremlin walls.

Another tradition involves padlocks.



The couple paints each of their names on a padlock, and then attach it to a famous bridge. The key is thrown into the water to symbolize the permanence of marriage.

Some bridges over time have become so burdened that engineers have been forced to remove the padlocks, and relocate them, due to weight and stress concerns, especially with older bridges.


 

[mendeleyev]

To see how a ceremony is performed in a state registry office (wedding palace), we will first view a wedding in Russia:



As opposed to the Western tradition of the groom not seeing the bride until the ceremony, Eastern grooms go to the home of the bride. He is responsible for taking her from the home and escorting her to the wedding.

There are other ceremonies scheduled too, so often they arrive…and wait. Family and friends wait with them, using the opportunity to take photos.

:40 It is during this period that many couples practice the symbolism of “together” in things they do—from final touches of hair and costumes in the dressing room, to opening a door together, to signing final documents before the ceremony begins.
 
1:22 Eventually, an usher escorts the group into the wedding hall. In some cases the couple leads the family in, and in other cases the couple enters last.

1:50 During the ceremony the bride and groom sign the marriage certificate.

2:00 Rings are exchanged, and placed on the RIGHT hand of the other spouse.

2:10 Generally the parents greet the couple first, and open present icons for their home. Later, in the church ceremony the couple will bring icons to be blessed as part of the wedding. Those are presented to the couple at the end of the Orthodox ceremony.

2:30 It is a time honoured tradition for the couple to visit one or more important sites of their city upon leaving the wedding palace. There at parks and memorial sites, they lay many of the flowers they have received in memory of those who perished in past wars.

3:40 Normally a rented car, or car of a friend, has been decorated for the couple’s transportation that day.

At the end of the video they proudly display the rings on their RIGHT hands.
 

[mendeleyev]

In this video the groom has already made it to the home of the bride, and has paid a “ransom” or performed other fun games in order to claim his bride.

00:00 The video begins with a blessing and presentation of icons to the couple.

2:45 The group poses for a photo and you can see the two “attendants,” one male and the other female. They are easily identified by wearing a banner across their shoulders.

3:05 The male attendant enters the hall carrying the flowers upside down.

3:24 Someone signals the guy, and he turns the flowers right side up.

5:50 The couple are proclaimed to be married, they kiss, and then exchange rings.

6:50 The officiant presents their marriage certificate.

7:30 The next job of the attendants is to hold the many flowers that will be given to the couple.

10:00 Toasts begin as soon as the couple leaves the ZAGS hall. The group chants “gorka” (горько), meaning that the wine/champagne is “bitter” but the kisses of the bride and groom will make it sweet. There is a contest, with the group counting, to see how long the couple can kiss. They make it to 12.
 

[mendeleyev]

Typical features in many weddings:

- The groom presents the flowers that the bride will carry during the ceremony.

- The groom goes to the home of the bride to take her to the ceremony.

- Icons are presented and the couple bows in honour to the parents.

- Outdoor fun with dancing and toasts is common once the couple arrives at the parks and memorial sites after the ceremony.


 

[mendeleyev]

Another ceremony in Ukraine:



 

You will notice that there are no “vows” in the ceremony. Instead, each has already signed the wedding paperwork which documents their desire to marry and live together.

This ceremony was in Kyiv.

 1:30 The attendants lay an embroidered towel. The groom quickly steps first because tradition says that the first one to step foot on the towel will be head of the home. However, another tradition says that the one who takes the biggest bite of wedding bread will be the boss.
 
 3:30 It is the officiant who offers the first champagne toast near the end of this ceremony.
 
 4:00 The traditional wedding bread is incorporated into this ZAGS ceremony.
 
 4:30 First the couple approach and bow three times (representing the Holy Trinity) in submission to the families which brought them into the world and to this important event in their lives.
 
 4:37 The couple kiss the bread as it symbolizes life and sustenance in their home. The bread will be incorporated later in the wedding party ceremony.
 
 6:45 In the limo the couple have friends along, quite normal. They will visit one or more important landmarks in their city on the way to the restaurant celebration.

[mendeleyev]

In this blend of modern and traditional Ukrainian ceremony, the towel is used to tied the bride and groom together at the wrists. This is a symbol, just like the rings, that they are now one.

[mendeleyev]

Wedding bread is quite common in Russia, Ukraine and the other former republics. It is typically served with salt, a reminder that bitterness (and sorrow, hardship, etc) represent just as much a part of the journey of life as the joyful moments.



Another tradition, at least to some, is that whoever takes the biggest bite will end up as head of the household.

[mendeleyev]

With the FSU covering such a vast geographical expanse, traditions on marriage may vary widely depending on the ethnic, religious and social backgrounds of each people group.

[mendeleyev]

Religious ceremonies are up next.

These are typically Orthodox and the church encourages that both parties be Orthodox in order to have a church wedding as the ceremony is considered to be a sacrament. Depending on the priest, these last anywhere from 40 minutes to an hour.

The wedding towel comes into play again and once the couple moves to the front of the church they will again step on the towel just as they did at ZAGS/RAGS.

Of particular importance is that the ceremony is both a liturgy and a divine sacrament.



The ceremony begins at the entrance of the church with The Rite of Betrothal (Engagement). At this point rings are exchanged as a sign of commitment and devotion to one another.

Something done in Eastern churches is the "crowning" of the couple where crowns are placed just above their heads. Just as Christ is King of the Church, the couple is now blessed to rule their household. The bride and groom become the “king and queen” of their own “kingdom,” or family, which is an integral part of the Kingdom of God.

The sharing of a common cup of wine, which signifies that in marriage all things are shared equally. After the priest has served the couple a cup holy wine (3 times), he ties their hands together with another of the wedding towels. He then leads them around the sacramental table area three times, representing their first steps together in married life.

Then comes the removal of the crowns and the final blessing, in which all gathered wish the couple many years of blessings.

There are no “vows” in the Orthodox wedding liturgy.

Near the end of the liturgy the priest leads the couple to the doors at the sacramental table. They are blessed with his cross as the choir sings "God Grant You Many Years" in Russian or Ukrainian.

The couple is presented with their first church icons which will hang or stand in the icon corner of their home.

Notice the practice of kissing three times on the cheek.

This wedding took place at the Holy Transfiguration Cathedral in Vinnytsia, Ukraine. It is a Ukrainian Orthodox Church of the Moscow Patriarchate.


Depending on the regional Bishop in the USA and Canada, Orthodox Christians may be married in an Orthodox ceremony to a non-Orthodox Christian provided the non-Orthodox party had been baptized with water and “in the Name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.” Russia however has recently reformed its practice on marriage to a non-Orthodox so best to speak to the lady's priest if interested.

[Larissa2]

The wedding is very serious.Divorce is not welcomed by the Orthodox Church.

[jone]

A handsome couple in the video directly above.  But I would be surprised if they both were not married previously.

[Larissa2]

I mean: Divorce is not welcomed by the Orthodox Church after wedding.

[mendeleyev]

The Orthodox faith does allow for remarriages as part of the sacramental process. While the Church teaches the sanctity of marriage, the liturgy for a remarriage has a penitential character wherein the couple is encouraged not to make the same mistakes made in a prior marriage.

The church knows that we are human, and we make mistakes. Therefore, a remarriage is performed out of "economy”—the theological term in Russian is экономия and such a remarriage is an exception to the rule, after meeting with and consulting with one's priest.

[mendeleyev]

Here are two nice compilations of various Russian traditions in a church wedding. The couples here are younger.

[mendeleyev]

I am not of sufficient knowledge to know the insights of a Muslim wedding, but given the demographic makeup of Russia, it would be an injustice to gloss over this segment of society. That being said, it is doubtful that many of our members will participate in a Russian Muslim wedding. Nonetheless, there are beautiful traditions, many shared with other Russians, but some very unique to Islamic culture.

Not ever family can afford such a lavish wedding celebration, but this Chechen wedding celebration has some insightful features worth enjoying.

[mendeleyev]

This is part of an Uzbek wedding in Tashkent. In traditional style, some parts of the wedding are segregated by sex--men in one area, women in another.




This wedding does not seem as segregated. The music and dancing are enchanting, and the bride and groom's entrance near the end is spectacular!

[mendeleyev]

In some traditions, especially those in former Soviet Asian countries, the bride stands all morning dressed and covered by a veil. As female guests arrive, she bows and then briefly lifts her veil for a kiss. Each guest offers a gift, and a gift if then given to each guest who attends. The tradition of giving wedding gifts to guests is widespread in the "Stans." I have been told that this is in keeping with the Islamic tradition of "Payments made to and from the Bride."

The process of the bride greeting guests, over several hours, can be repeated hundreds of times. The poor gal must be exhausted at the end of the day.

[mendeleyev]

One of the most common practices in Muslim weddings is the "dowry," which is supposedly forbidden by Islamic Law, according to an Muslim attorney whom I consulted. However, even the mention of a dowry is in the Quran, so one has to wonder if he is correct? Thus, the parents of the bride pay a "bride price" to her husband. Technically, it is a gift to her, but since many women in that society are prohibited from owning property, in reality it goes to her new husband.

Conversely, in most cases a "mahr" (money or some sort of possessions) is paid by the groom to the bride. It is written into the legal wedding contract.

Another ritual common in some Republics is the giving of cash to the parents and family members of the bride. You will see that in this next video as they dance.

[mendeleyev]

Muslim wedding trivia:

- Why are there so many people present at weddings?

The Quaran teaches that invitations should go far and wide, not just a small group of family and friends. At the same time, the Quran states that failing to appear when invited to a wedding dishonours the family, Allah, and the prophet.



- When is the wedding celebration? Is it immediately after the civil and religious ceremonies?

Not so fast. At least in theory, the wedding must be consummated (sexual intercourse) first. At least that supposedly gives the groom and his family time to back out of the deal if the girl was not a virgin, could not consummate, etc.

[mendeleyev]

Fortunes have been made for some Chechens, due to either Mafia dealings or with Oil. So it is no surprise that some weddings are quite elaborate affairs. This wedding celebration is a blend of Chechen and Kazaks, celebrated in Kazakhstan.

[ML]

At least in theory that gives the groom and his family time to back out of the deal if the girl was not a virgin, could not consummate, etc.

What if he could not consummate ?