Is Marrying a Ukrainian Women Even Possible in my situation?

[IndyUSAF]

First of all I'd like to say up front that I appreciate any and all feedback!  I've seen this site before and I know a lot of you guys have been there and have learned lessons the hard way!!

About me....I'm 50 years old and live in Indianapolis.  I'll cut to the chase and save you some of the repetitive stories that are probably very similar to anybody from a Western country that wants to meet a Ukrainian woman!  I'm decent looking and in good shape for a guy my age.  One of the issues that concern me is that I don't make a ton of money....around $45k a year.  A factor in my favor would be that I'm not in much debt and don't have kids.

I've had a profile on Ukrainedate for atleast a year but never paid for anything.  Well I finally paid to send messages about 4 months ago and I've been Skyping this wonderful young blonde lady of 35 for 3 months now.  I bought my airline ticket to Kiev for September 21-29.
We Skype about every other day and the time in between seeing her smiling face is hard on me!  I was stationed in Germany years ago in the Air Force and I dated a Polish lady.  I've dated a Filipino lady as well many years ago.  I'm not a country bumpkin or naïve in any way but I do have serious questions!  One last comment I would make is that my last American girlfriend is actually more physically attractive at first glance but I'm finally old enough where the little head doesn't make all the key decisions:)  This lady has 2 degrees and can speak English very well!  She's very intelligent and seems to be impressed about my knowledge of the Ukraine and their situation.

Here's my issues!!

1.  Do I even have the financial resources to pull this off?  I have a stable job but I'm trying to max out my 401K contributions because I got a late start and I'd like to retire before in a wheelchair!  I might have $800-$1000/month left after my mortgage, car payment, etc.  I'm just a regular guy with an Associates Degree so becoming the VP of my company isn't happening anytime soon...or ever!  I see some of these videos from these dating banquets with all these young girls and most of those guys don't look loaded either?

2.  I know 8 days isn't much with all the travel but I'm thinking we'll atleast know if there is a real connection?  I've never really done Skype before but now I can't wait til I see her again.  She feels the same way!!  I really don't have the time or money to visit more then twice?  The ring...she needs a car in America...etc.

3.  Her son will be 9 soon and has Asperger Syndrome which is sort of a high functioning form of autism.  I don't know what the Ukrainian government provides compared to the options in America for autistic kids but once again I AM NOT RICH?  It sounds like the kid is very bright and does function but its the social aspects where he suffers!

3.  She also lives with her mother who probably could live with her brothers family instead if she moves to America but she would want to help them too.  She dated a Norwegian guy in her early 20s and I tried to tell her in so many words that living in Norway is probably easier then living in America in many ways.  I've tried to be realistic with her because I really want this to work!

Any help or advice is appreciated!  I'm a huge WW2 buff so I'm looking at this trip as an adventure either way.  I realize getting my hopes up too much would be stupid!  I do have backup women to see if everything turns bleak for some reason.

[fathertime]

3.  Her son will be 9 soon and has Asperger Syndrome which is sort of a high functioning form of autism.  I don't know what the Ukrainian government provides compared to the options in America for autistic kids but once again I AM NOT RICH?  It sounds like the kid is very bright and does function but its the social aspects where he suffers!

Hi Indy,


Her son with Aspergers may be a really big deal.  I'd have a lot of concern about taking that on, and down the road moving a child into a totally different world and a very different language.  It could become a very, very big additional commitment in terms of time, money, and frustration/emotion.  I guess you can see for yourself how the child is when you meet him. 


Good luck,
Fathertime!   

[Boethius]

Aspergers is a highly functioning form of autism.  Typically, people with Aspergers are intelligent, often of genius IQ, but are socially awkward.  They often also have repetitive behaviours. 

Autism need not be a negative.  There are many programmes to aid with autism, and most people with Aspergers grow up to function relatively well in society.

[BillyB]

One of the issues that concern me is that I don't make a ton of money....around $45k a year. 

Do I even have the financial resources to pull this off?

Welcome to the forum IndyUSAF,

I had a part time truck driver that worked for me and married a Filipino woman. He got his dad to co sign on the affidavit of support. When she came to America, they lived in a motor home. After 3 kids and she having to work 2-3 jobs at any given time, he quit on me to become a full time mom. As crazy as it sounds, YES, you can make it work earning much less than 45K.

If I remember right, you have to earn 25% above the poverty line and at 45k you are clearly above that mark. Our government says you're good to go. You should get the answer to your question from your lady. Tell her what you make and your lifestyle and she can decided if she can or can't accept it.  You need to also get her to understand with more mouths to feed, there will be less money for luxuries. Hopefully she's not the kind of woman that thinks Americans who can travel are rich. If you're lucky, you may find she may be willing to work and help with the family's finances but she may ask that much of that money goes to helping her son.

[alex330]

One of the issues that concern me is that I don't make a ton of money....around $45k a year. 


1.  Do I even have the financial resources to pull this off? 

In that salary range you could squeeze it off. We know several couples that have done it. You have very little room for error though.


You need to be very honest with the woman about your situation and how life is here in the US. How the financial system works, what obstacles and issues you may have financially, etc. Everything needs to be transparent and explained thoroughly before she arrives.

2.  I know 8 days isn't much with all the travel but I'm thinking we'll atleast know if there is a real connection?  I've never really done Skype before but now I can't wait til I see her again.  She feels the same way!!  I really don't have the time or money to visit more then twice?  The ring...she needs a car in America...etc.

Eight days is enough if you communicate well before hand. Not being able to make subsequent trips out would worry me. Are you going to have enough money to send her back home after she get her travel permit? She will want to do so. She will need more here in the US than you think. Added insurance, maybe a vehicle, clothing (cheaper to buy here vs ship) makeup, womens needs, etc etc etc. It adds up fast.

3.  Her son will be 9 soon and has Asperger Syndrome which is sort of a high functioning form of autism.  I don't know what the Ukrainian government provides compared to the options in America for autistic kids but once again I AM NOT RICH? 

Wow...I have several friends with autistic children and caring for them is not cheap....hate to be a downer but pretty big monkey wrench.

3.  She also lives with her mother who probably could live with her brothers family instead if she moves to America but she would want to help them too. 

Yes, you may need to send money back home every few months to help.

I'm looking at this trip as an adventure either way. 

Da, it was the greatest adventure.

[2tallbill]

Aspergers is a highly functioning form of autism.  Typically, people with Aspergers are intelligent, often of genius IQ, but are socially awkward.  They often also have repetitive behaviours. 

Autism need not be a negative.  There are many programmes to aid with autism, and most people with Aspergers grow up to function relatively well in society.

I have a nephew with Aspergers who is in Graduate school.

[pitbull]

Indy,


You can pull this off, but it will not be easy.


You need to be very open with her about your income and what this actually translates into in terms of lifestyle.


If she is smart, well educated and knows English well, she may very well surpass you in earnings very fast. My very first job in the US paid around $40-$45K, I make way above this now 10 years later.


However, you need to have some savings to get her and her son set up initially - car, paperwork, etc. She needs to know that she will need to start working right away.


Do you have good health insurance from work where you can add her and her son?

[wallm]

My son has Asperger's. Difficulty in social situations. About to go to college on Scholarship to do Premed. Intelligence is not the problem. Social difficulties are. And it was expensive for me to raise this kid. Lots of outside help. Private school as public schools suck for kids with learning differences. (My opinion. yours may vary) But he is on his way. Getting better as he gets older with social situations.

My advice.....do NOT take on the responsibility for this kid if you don't have financial resources. if you are able to spend, it is OK. I must have spent more than 200K for my son's education BEFORE college.

I say don't take on because the kid deserves help. If you can't afford the help, don't bring the kid into your life. Good luck.

[IndyUSAF]

My son has Asperger's. Difficulty in social situations. About to go to college on Scholarship to do Premed. Intelligence is not the problem. Social difficulties are. And it was expensive for me to raise this kid. Lots of outside help. Private school as public schools suck for kids with learning differences. (My opinion. yours may vary) But he is on his way. Getting better as he gets older with social situations.

My advice.....do NOT take on the responsibility for this kid if you don't have financial resources. if you are able to spend, it is OK. I must have spent more than 200K for my son's education BEFORE college.

I say don't take on because the kid deserves help. If you can't afford the help, don't bring the kid into your life. Good luck.

I appreciate all the feedback!  I really do!  My family/friends think its insane because I'm usually dating someone here but this trip is just something I have to do! 

As far as money is concerned....I'm a good salesman.  I could probably make more money at a different company but I have about 5-6 weeks time off and its a smaller office so I'm comfortable with everyone.  I can always borrow from my 401K as well?

As far as this ladies son w/Aspergers!  I've always enjoyed kids and been good with them.  I've grown close with a few of the kids of the single moms I've dated over the years.  You're right though on Aspergers!  It is kind of scary!  I actually read up on it because I thought my last girlfriend here may have it?  She's a very talented artist but not much in the way of social skills.  She could literally paint for 30 hours straight almost to the point of collapse at times?  Their ability to focus on something is incredible but she would just pawn me off to watch her child at times?  What really bothered me was the lack of empathy!!!  She expected her ex-husband to help her with her business after she left him and was with me.  She just couldn't understand why he held anger towards her?  She could be incredibly cruel and indifferent at times but then sweet and manipulative at others?  I'm no shrink but I know she's an narcissist with some kind of autistic issue?  Is this what Aspergers is like in an adult?  This is a 40 year old woman though and not a 8 year old little boy.

[IndyUSAF]

Wow...I have several friends with autistic children and caring for them is not cheap....hate to be a downer but pretty big monkey wrench.


This lady is a manager for some kind of internal public relations!  She is very motivated to work and her English is probably about an 8 out 10 already!  I don't know how Ukrainian degrees translate to American employers but she could probably get a decent job fairly quickly?  The Aspergers thing does scare me though?  Financially it scares me!  Can kids w/Aspergers develop empathy?  It just seemed like my ex-girlfriend was without a soul at times?  Like she wasn't human?  She would tell me how she would lose friends as a teen and as a young adult.  Everyone can be selfish or self-absorbed at times but it was pretty much 24/7 with this lady and I don't want to take that on with a kid?  I guess I'll just meet him and we'll see?

[BillyB]

  I guess I'll just meet him and we'll see?

Marrying a woman with a child is a package deal. The kid is almost 9 and you should try to evaluate how bad his disability is and understand what you can and can't accept. You may be okay spending the money to take care of him until he becomes an adult but you may or may not be interested in taking care of him for the rest of his life. Talk to your lady and tell there will be financial struggles based off your earnings and let her know the high costs of taking care of kids with special needs in America and you may learn she's willing to roll up her sleeves and work too.

[LAman]

Indy, whats with the freakin question marks??? for every sentence? is everything a question for you???? huh????

[2tallbill]

One of the issues that concern me is that I don't make a ton of money....around $45k a year.  A factor in my favor would be that I'm not in much debt and don't have kids.


Here's my issues!!

1.  Do I even have the financial resources to pull this off? 

In my opinion, not unless you are willing to really change something. You are in your
prime earning years yet making closer to entry level money. What kind of career have
you mapped out for yourself?

Can you change jobs to make more money? can you work two jobs or a weekend job?
Have you checked to see what your healthcare would be to add a wife and a child?
for me the first year I had to pay an additional $700 per month to add my wife and
new daughter to my health insurance plan. The next year it went up to $900 per
month!

What if she wants to have another baby? Even if she says she doesn't want one, that
doesn't mean she won't change her mind.

How much vacation time do you have with pay? how much can you take without pay?

You absolutely must have a ton of time if you don't have a ton of money.

[pitbull]

  Can kids w/Aspergers develop empathy?  It just seemed like my ex-girlfriend was without a soul at times?  Like she wasn't human?  She would tell me how she would lose friends as a teen and as a young adult.  Everyone can be selfish or self-absorbed at times but it was pretty much 24/7 with this lady and I don't want to take that on with a kid?  I guess I'll just meet him and we'll see?

If you met one kid on the spectrum, you just met one kid on the spectrum. It is a spectrum for a reason, and personalities as well as functioning differ greatly. Yes, kids on the spectrum can be incredibly emphatic, just like some neurotypical kids.


You need to meet this boy and see where he is. Does he go to a regular school or does he study at home?

[wallm]

I recommend to not raid your 401k. I have. The consequences are devastating for the future. I have lost several years worth savings in taxes & penalties alone. But it is all worth it because my son is doing very well. I just have to make up for lost time financially.

Lack of empathy is a problem with kids who have Aspergers. My son's advisor wrote in his report card that he lacks empathy for others. That was 4 years ago. He is getting better at that. I objected to him becoming Physician because of that and social skills deficits. Intellectually he is ready to become one but I have concerns as he is still growing emotionally at 18. I think eventually he will be fine. I do not hold lack of empathy against him.

I can't emphasize enough. You don't want kids with Aspergers to be treated like a regular kid. They need lots of extra help. If you can't afford it, don't marry the woman regardless how wonderful she is otherwise.

[2tallbill]

She is very motivated to work and her English is probably about an 8 out 10 already!  I don't know how Ukrainian degrees translate to American employers but she could probably get a decent job fairly quickly? 

I wouldn't count on her contributing much especially right away and definitely don't
plan on it. You need to get her degrees translated and apostilled, etc.

You haven't even met the girl yet. I have flown off to meet a really promising girl
then it didn't work out. Most of the time the first girl you meet doesn't work out and
many guys try to force a square peg in a round hole because they don't want to spend
the time, emotions and resources to start over. So they marry a girl that they barely
know that has a few red flags that they ignore or make excuses for. Obviously you
don't want to do that.

[ML]

My son has Asperger's.  And it was expensive for me to raise this kid.  I must have spent more than 200K for my son's education BEFORE college.

To OP. 

This is a pretty simple decision for you.

You CAN'T do it.

Aside from the EXTRA expenses for the child, you will be expected to send money to parents.

Sure, she MIGHT work at some point . . . but you will be in bankruptcy and divorced before then.

[Gator]

Indy, Welcome to RWD!!!

You should go on your planned trip.  As a minimum it will be a travel adventure, and it the stars in heaven are aligned it could be the start of finding true happiness.

A few questions about whether you can afford to marry a FSUW:

   1.  If you marry, can you enroll your wife and her son on the company health insurance plan?   

   2.  What is the woman's current occupation?  Her two degrees are in what field? 

   3.  What is your woman's current economic condition, e. g., does she own a new car? 

Healthcare is an important consideration for anyone with limited income.  Having a good insurance plan will help.  And maybe the plan would cover some consultation, etc. for the son.

Regarding the potential of her earning income, few FSUW can get a job quickly in America that pays enough to be meaningful.  A nurse could get a job in the medical field but not as a nurse.  If she has a degree in math, she possibly could teach. 

First determine if you like this woman after spending a few days with her.  If you do, then tell her the direct and complete truth about the money issues.  Use some hard examples such as the type of car you can afford for her,  how much money you could afford to send to her parents, etc.   Then discuss her feelings upon her learning that this will not be a walk in the park.

If all you can afford is two trips, you realize you will not know much about this woman before deciding about marriage.  I would advise you to proceed only if you have no questions:  the love between you is stronger than you have felt with any woman in your life, your goals and values are consistent,   she is smart and personable and would do well in the American workplace, her son's condition seems manageable, etc. 

Have fun.  Is she from Kiev?  Do you plan to travel in Ukraine and see some WWII battlefields? 

[alex330]

The kid is almost 9 and you should try to evaluate how bad his disability is and understand what you can and can't accept. You may be okay spending the money to take care of him until he becomes an adult but you may or may not be interested in taking care of him for the rest of his life.

My concern would be that it is hard to evaluate him if he does not speak English and the additional stress or complications moving to a new country and needing specialists help when he may not speak English. The OP will be visiting the woman for 8 days, not a lot of time to become acquainted with her son.

I recently hired a man with aspergers as a software developer. Bright man, but has never been able to hold a job down due to his social skills. He is older so not sure what help was provided to him in his childhood, probably less than is available these days.

Just seems a mountain of a task to take on. If the OP is serious I would bust ass and find a way to earn more to make additional trips and provide.

This lady is a manager for some kind of internal public relations!  She is very motivated to work and her English is probably about an 8 out 10 already!  I don't know how Ukrainian degrees translate to American employers but she could probably get a decent job fairly quickly? 

Hard to honestly say. The degree may be useless here. My wife was a translator with near perfect English and did not work for two years. She eventually picked up a job as a hostess at a restaurant when I was laid off and it was a hard blow for her to work at that type of job. The good news is RW are go getters, my wife has found better employment and has seniority in her company in just a few years. She makes a very good salary now, but her degree is not used.

[IndyUSAF]

To OP. 

This is a pretty simple decision for you.

You CAN'T do it.

Aside from the EXTRA expenses for the child, you will be expected to send money to parents.

Sure, she MIGHT work at some point . . . but you will be in bankruptcy and divorced before then.

You may be right but we just talked tonite on Skype and 2 hours went by like 15 minutes.  I almost always have to wrap it up when we speak.  She is a very hard worker.  Her words are "She had to be a man in a skirt" to take care of her son.  Her mother lives with also and doesn't work.  Her mom could live in Kherson with her brother's family if she moved to America but I would want to send them money as often as possible.

One thing in my favor is that I live in a nice house but its a starter neighborhood with a lot of kids and not expensive.  The cost of living is fairly low in Indiana and unemployment is low.  I feel confident she could get a decent job ($25-$30k?) fairly quickly.  Of course I could be wrong?

To answer some of these other replies:

Her degrees are in Public Relations and sort of a BA/Management I think?
She is from eastern Ukraine where the unrest is right now but she's been in Kiev for 20+ years
She doesn't own a car and takes both a bus and subway to get to work.  It takes atleast an hour both ways!
She is probably the 4th girl out of 6 or 7 that I've messaged to say that she literally doesn't have time to date and I believe them!
Why don't I make more money?  That's a good question.  I'm fairly bright and a good salesperson.  I made nearly $60k in 1997 selling pagers.  I was confident and ambitious at one point but the death of my 3 year old stepdaughter and my divorce took a lot of that away and I went in to sort of a depression for many years.  I've sort of just done enough to take care of myself but I want to take have my own little family before its too late for me!

[Trenchcoat]

You may be right but we just talked tonite on Skype and 2 hours went by like 15 minutes.  I almost always have to wrap it up when we speak.  She is a very hard worker.  Her words are "She had to be a man in a skirt" to take care of her son.  Her mother lives with also and doesn't work.  Her mom could live in Kherson with her brother's family if she moved to America but I would want to send them money as often as possible.

One thing in my favor is that I live in a nice house but its a starter neighborhood with a lot of kids and not expensive.  The cost of living is fairly low in Indiana and unemployment is low.  I feel confident she could get a decent job ($25-$30k?) fairly quickly.  Of course I could be wrong?

To answer some of these other replies:

Her degrees are in Public Relations and sort of a BA/Management I think?
She is from eastern Ukraine where the unrest is right now but she's been in Kiev for 20+ years
She doesn't own a car and takes both a bus and subway to get to work.  It takes atleast an hour both ways!
She is probably the 4th girl out of 6 or 7 that I've messaged to say that she literally doesn't have time to date and I believe them!
Why don't I make more money?  That's a good question.  I'm fairly bright and a good salesperson.  I made nearly $60k in 1997 selling pagers.  I was confident and ambitious at one point but the death of my 3 year old stepdaughter and my divorce took a lot of that away and I went in to sort of a depression for many years.  I've sort of just done enough to take care of myself but I want to take have my own little family before its too late for me!

Doable but 50 is obviously on the older side. I wouldn't take away from anyone having a family at whatever age but I think when someone gets older it is more fairer on the child if one of the parents is younger and more than one child to try to avoid that child ending up alone very quickly.

I'm not American but understand in the US the tendency is to have to pay for it all yourselves. Even still your salary sounds fine to me. I think it is important not to go overboard on the wealth front so for it to not end up you making yourself a highly lucrative target for divorce in the future. If you have to depend on each other then I think this can help a relationship I think. The kid being 9 probably means you've only got  a few more years of upbringing being done there with probably the worst of it out of the way. I wouldn't get too wrapped up in providing the best for her kid, just be reasonable, the standard will do, you are doing her a big favour by helping her out with her kid in the first place so it is not for you to beat yourself up over her primary responsibility. Worst case scenario you could always arrange for a skiing accident 

Your main concern with this woman should be looking towards starting your own family with her, that is where the future lies. Be careful though that this Aspergers does not run in her family or you could be in for a time of it. These are questions that need to be asked.

[Anotherkiwi]

Doable but 50 is obviously on the older side. I wouldn't take away from anyone having a family at whatever age but I think when someone gets older it is more fairer on the child if one of the parents is younger and more than one child to try to avoid that child ending up alone very quickly.

I'm not American but understand in the US the tendency is to have to pay for it all yourselves. Even still your salary sounds fine to me. I think it is important not to go overboard on the wealth front so for it to not end up you making yourself a highly lucrative target for divorce in the future. If you have to depend on each other then I think this can help a relationship I think. The kid being 9 probably means you've only got  a few more years of upbringing being done there with probably the worst of it out of the way. I wouldn't get too wrapped up in providing the best for her kid, just be reasonable, the standard will do, you are doing her a big favour by helping her out with her kid in the first place so it is not for you to beat yourself up over her primary responsibility. Worst case scenario you could always arrange for a skiing accident 

Your main concern with this woman should be looking towards starting your own family with her, that is where the future lies. Be careful though that this Aspergers does not run in her family or you could be in for a time of it. These are questions that need to be asked.

Perfect example of someone who should NOT be chasing FSU women.  If you can't appreciate the comments from people in this thread who have dealt directly with Asperger's Syndrome, then you can't understand anything at all.  As for stupid "jokes" about arranging "accidents" - that is simply not going to fly with any woman, let alone one in this situation.

Grow up!

[Anotherkiwi]

To OP. 

This is a pretty simple decision for you.

You CAN'T do it.

Aside from the EXTRA expenses for the child, you will be expected to send money to parents.

Sure, she MIGHT work at some point . . . but you will be in bankruptcy and divorced before then.

You may be right but we just talked tonite on Skype and 2 hours went by like 15 minutes.  I almost always have to wrap it up when we speak.  She is a very hard worker.  Her words are "She had to be a man in a skirt" to take care of her son.  Her mother lives with also and doesn't work.  Her mom could live in Kherson with her brother's family if she moved to America but I would want to send them money as often as possible.

One thing in my favor is that I live in a nice house but its a starter neighborhood with a lot of kids and not expensive.  The cost of living is fairly low in Indiana and unemployment is low.  I feel confident she could get a decent job ($25-$30k?) fairly quickly.  Of course I could be wrong?

I'm with ML on this one - sorry, Indy USAF, but this particular lady is not for you.  And, while $45,000 a year might be enough for you to live on with a wife (and maybe a child), IF you've paid off your mortgage, the fact that you don't have enough savings to make more than a couple of short trips, let alone the cost of actually getting someone from Ukraine to the USA, means that you really shouldn't even consider it.  The idea of raiding your superannuation fund to help seems crazy.  It's there to help you in retirement, not to be an extra piggy bank.

However much you like this woman, you haven't yet met.  If you hadn't already booked your trip I would tell you to give it away right now.  What will be an even bigger complicating factor than her son's Asperger's Syndrome will be if you do actually meet her - and fall properly in love.    Would Asperger's, as a pre-existing condition, even be covered if you were able to add the two of them onto your health insurance?  Or would the insurers accept it with some sort of loaded premium, knowing that they would be up for tens (hundreds?) of thousands of dollars of additional specialist care?  If you haven't done so already, these are questions that you really need to discuss with your employer and/or healthcare provider/insurer as appropriate, BEFORE you talk to her.  The additional costs involved could well be enough (see 2tallbill's response above) to scupper any chance of bringing this woman to the USA.

I live in a different country, so obviously my situation is completely different from that of someone in the USA, but your incidental costs are far higher than ours.  What might work here certainly doesn't seem to be able to work there.

If you're fixated on FSU women, why not try dating one (or more) from your home city?  Not only would it save on relocation costs (which you would have to cover COMPLETELY), she will already know the culture (and should speak better English than your Skype friend).

Good luck with whatever you decide!  We just don't wan't this to turn into this:

[IndyUSAF]

I'm with ML on this one - sorry, Indy USAF, but this particular lady is not for you.  And, while $45,000 a year might be enough for you to live on with a wife (and maybe a child), IF you've paid off your mortgage, the fact that you don't have enough savings to make more than a couple of short trips, let alone the cost of actually getting someone from Ukraine to the USA, means that you really shouldn't even consider it.  The idea of raiding your superannuation fund to help seems crazy.  It's there to help you in retirement, not to be an extra piggy bank.

However much you like this woman, you haven't yet met.  If you hadn't already booked your trip I would tell you to give it away right now.  What will be an even bigger complicating factor than her son's Asperger's Syndrome will be if you do actually meet her - and fall properly in love.    Would Asperger's, as a pre-existing condition, even be covered if you were able to add the two of them onto your health insurance?  Or would the insurers accept it with some sort of loaded premium, knowing that they would be up for tens (hundreds?) of thousands of dollars of additional specialist care?  If you haven't done so already, these are questions that you really need to discuss with your employer and/or healthcare provider/insurer as appropriate, BEFORE you talk to her.  The additional costs involved could well be enough (see 2tallbill's response above) to scupper any chance of bringing this woman to the USA.

I live in a different country, so obviously my situation is completely different from that of someone in the USA, but your incidental costs are far higher than ours.  What might work here certainly doesn't seem to be able to work there.

If you're fixated on FSU women, why not try dating one (or more) from your home city?  Not only would it save on relocation costs (which you would have to cover COMPLETELY), she will already know the culture (and should speak better English than your Skype friend).

Good luck with whatever you decide!  We just don't wan't this to turn into this:

Well I'm going and I'll be a little disappointed if nothing comes of it but its not like I can't date here?  The problem with Indiana women is the weight and fitness habits of women over 35-40?  Its hard to find an attractive petite woman that isn't being pursued like crazy here!  I did meet a Russian lady last summer in western Ohio which was only about 100 miles away.  She was very very attractive but I don't think she was into me that much and she was also very religious within the Roman Orthodox church which isn't up my alley at all.  Foreign women don't flock to Indianapolis generally?  Nobody does really...our population goes down every year!

I had a wonderful 2 hours with my Lena on Skype yesterday!  It we can make it work then we will?  If it doesn't work then atleast I scratched this itch finally!  I've been thinking about this ever since the movie Birthday Girl came out with Nicole Kidman.  I've read this forum off-n-on for 4-5 years too.  I'm finally going!!!

[Boethius]

No such thing as a "Roman Orthodox" Church.