Update - 13 years later

[GQBlues]

Well said Northkape, very well said....

There it is again.

Why can't you seem to develop your own thought and participate in the discussion instead of inserting little juvenile silly tidbits that serve nothing to the discussion other than adolescent thoughtless satisfaction to see your handle in a thread. Explain to the readers what it was in Northkape's post you think was stated well, will you?

I'll give you credit that you have at least graduated from your usual * +1 or +1000 *.


Jone-

As long as everyone understands that there are far more detrimental physiological changes that happens to a man in his 60s, and older, and in a more rapid development - than a man in his 40s.

[Daveman]

Or are you, and some of the other members here, omnipotent in your wisdom to understand relationships between people you know nothing about.

I've never claimed omnipotence, however, I do average about 98% on the omniscience factor.. 

[mies]

Sorry to poop on this party of overwhelming all-uniting love, maturity, and understanding, but
I think what the OP is doing is very uncivil and uncool. He is getting under his wife's skin by parading the other women and "potential step-mothers" before her eyes. What a cruel, completely selfish, and childish behavior. He's been doing it all through their marriage too. Always showing off his ex-girlfriends, benchmarking his wife constantly against his long-term and very successful first girlfriend. Etc etc etc.
Yes, perhaps the OP's wife in this relationship is adult and mature, and wise, and understanding and all that good stuff, but the OP isn't. To live with such man is a major PITA.

[Ade]

Ade
Was your answer / warning directed at me or for other by-passers to read...

A little of both but I guess more for the latter.

If it was for me, wouldn't it occur to you, that I probably had this same warning repeated over and over, by others who also doesn't know me?

I know you are at least 58. I know you are aiming to try to hook up with a woman in her thirties. I know many men get blinded by lust and many women are very good at manipulating men to get what they want and the bigger the age gap, the more one is blinded and the easier it is for the other to manipulate him.

I'm pretty sure that most men that were used by the women they loved would also have vehemently claimed that they knew women and the women they loved. 

Also your words makes me wonder what kind of a relationship you have with your own wife.

I have an awesome relationship with my wife which only grows stronger and deeper as the years go by and after 6 years of knowing her I feel confident stating that she loves me. But then, we "only" have a 13 year difference in ages and I was 42 when we met.

Do you understand when a woman truly loves you? If yes, why don't you grant others the intelligence to understand the same feelings?

So you are saying that all those that have been used and conned are all stupid, right? I seem to be more aware of how blind some men can get when their egos are stroked by a much younger woman.

Or are you, and some of the other members here, omnipotent in your wisdom to understand relationships between people you know nothing about.
While you insinuate that the same people at the same time don't understand it themselves.

I only know what you've posted (and what I've googled  ) so I'm extrapolating. Yes, I could be wrong and you could beat the odds. But if you don't, how do you think that will affect your kids - the kids you have custody of as I understand it?

I have been passionately in love with all women in my life that I had a true relationship with, and they were also deeply in love with me.
All normal people I ever met with, understand such feelings, and they also know and understand that these feelings can't be faked over time.

Still Ade,, you think that I would marry a woman that wasn't in love with me, that is attracted to me for some superficial values, and that I'm unable to understand this.
What kind of a man are you Ade?? And how did you get to feel this position of superiority, face to face with another man you know nothing about.

I'm the kind of man that seems to understand FSUW mentality better than you for all your years of marriage.

[Boethius]

I have been passionately in love with all women in my life that I had a true relationship with, and they were also deeply in love with me.

All normal people I ever met with, understand such feelings, and they also know and understand that these feelings can't be faked over time.

This is meant as a sincere question, as I don't get it.  How can you be truly and deeply in love and not have that love last?  How does someone who is deeply in love fall out of love to the point of splitting, even breaking a family?

[jone]

Jone-

As long as everyone understands that there are far more detrimental physiological changes that happens to a man in his 60s, and older, and in a more rapid development - than a man in his 40s.

Hell, GQ, I'll let you know if I ever get there.   I had a friend of mine who was an executive assistant to whomever was in command of a Japanese corporate giant doing business here in the West Coast.  I knew he and his kids fairly well.  Great guy.

He was driving home from work on the 405 one day.  Called his wife, was talking to her and promptly died of a massive coronary.  He was 41.

You get past 40 and you become a statistic.  Women who date older men should be shown the statistics.  But with the relationship I described above, of the 25 YO gal marrying the 48 YO guy, I don't think it would have made any difference to the lady.  She sees her life as pretty well over at 45.  That is what I was trying to point out in my post.

One of the things that has always concerned me about Eastern European women is the percentage of gals who smoke.  They all know the risks.  But figure that their lives are a crap shoot anyway.  Who am I to tell them no?

[northkape]

Mies...
What did I ever say to make you want to use such words.....?
I'm sure you have a somewhat nicer personality in real life.
Why then use of your free time to berate someone you have never met and know little or nothing about?

Ade
It seems to me, you still know and understand more than me, about my relationships, by reading a few words about them on the Internet.
Well, I will not disturb such a gifted man, in his quest to save us from ourselves.... smiles
Still, I wish you all the best in your marriage, and I really hope that your wife is equally forgiving in accepting your superiority behavior.

Bo
Maybe we have a different understanding of what love is... I don't know..
Do you mean that all those who divorced, were never truly in love with each other?

Jone
I have no idea about when my train leaves, still alive and enjoying every minute of it....

[Gator]

Sorry to poop on this party of overwhelming all-uniting love, maturity, and understanding, but
I think what the OP is doing is very uncivil and uncool. He is getting under his wife's skin by parading the other women and "potential step-mothers" before her eyes. What a cruel, completely selfish, and childish behavior. He's been doing it all through their marriage too. Always showing off his ex-girlfriends, benchmarking his wife constantly against his long-term and very successful first girlfriend. Etc etc etc.
Yes, perhaps the OP's wife in this relationship is adult and mature, and wise, and understanding and all that good stuff, but the OP isn't. To live with such man is a major PITA.

I agree that the relationship with the mother of his children is indeed odd based on the little we know.  Although his behavior as you described it would get under your skin, she for some inexplicable reason helps Northkape find a replacement wife.   This suggests that they are indeed friends other than they can not live with each other.   

[Hammer2722]

I agree that the relationship with the mother of his children is indeed odd based on the little we know.  Although his behavior as you described it would get under your skin, she for some inexplicable reason helps Northkape find a replacement wife.   This suggests that they are indeed friends other than they can not live with each other.

Actually, I do believe that North and his ex are still living together in the same home.

[Boethius]

Bo
Maybe we have a different understanding of what love is... I don't know..

That is a possibility.

Do you mean that all those who divorced, were never truly in love with each other?

Not in the way I understand love.  They may have had a romantic, passionate desire for one another, but that is different, is it not?

[LiveFromUkraine]

Not in the way I understand love.  They may have had a romantic, passionate desire for one another, but that is different, is it not?

I assume you have only been in love once.  Is this a soul mate type of thing you believe in? 


That's cool if it is, I don't necessarily believe in soul mates or that you didn't love someone if that relationship ended. 

[jone]

Believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things .... as good a description as I have ever heard.  I still feel that way about my ex.  We are and remain best friends.  But life moves on. 

I believe you can love more than one person.  And be in love with more than one person. 

[Boethius]

I assume you have only been in love once.  Is this a soul mate type of thing you believe in?  That's cool if it is, I don't necessarily believe in soul mates or that you didn't love someone if that relationship ended.

I don't know if I believe in soul mates.  I do believe God brings us together.  I am not trying to criticize this, I just truly don't get it. 

Almost all relationships, I assume, start with real passion.  But, marriages have ebbs and flows.  You may experience money problems, or in law problems, or problems with children, or health, etc.  You discover aspects of your partner that are not perfect.  You mature, experience the tests of life, and those have an effect on you, and your relationship, over time.  My view is, the true test of love is how you handle those changes.

[LiveFromUkraine]

I don't know if I believe in soul mates.  I am not trying to criticize this, I just truly don't get it. 


Almost all relationships, I assume, start with real passion.  But, marriages have ebbs and flows.  You may experience money problems, or in law problems, or problems with children, or health, etc.  You discover aspects of your partner that are not perfect.  You mature, experience the tests of live, and those have an effect on you, and your relationship, over time.  My view is, the true test of love is how you handle those changes.

I didn't take it as criticism.  You were just expressing your point of view.  I think it actually helped me understand some of your posts better.   


For me, compatibility isn't the same thing as love.  I believe you can fall in love with someone that is not a compatible partner for the long term.


Passion and desire will wade after some time.  You would not be as passionate or in heat for each other after a year.


What keeps two people together afterwards would be love or just plain laziness.  hah  I have been with some fantastic women who had some amazing qualities.  Sometimes we just have different ideas of how we want to live. 

[mies]

I agree that the relationship with the mother of his children is indeed odd based on the little we know.  Although his behavior as you described it would get under your skin, she for some inexplicable reason helps Northkape find a replacement wife.   This suggests that they are indeed friends other than they can not live with each other.

IMHO, it suggests that the OP holds their children as hostages in this situation: if the wife doesn't cooperate, the OP has all means to make the divorce and custody process very difficult for her. Also, perhaps she thinks that in this way she can at least have a say in picking the "least evil" as a stepmother for her children. This isn't friendship, this is an extreme egoism on OPs part and inability to see behind his own whims and desires, it's his eagerness to sacrifice anything, including the happiness of his children for satisfying his selfish little egotistic needs. The OP is insensitive to the feelings and needs of everyone else (his wife, his children, the women he is dating), but his own. And he is sugar-coating his egoism and cynical attitude as "friendship" and "perfect relationship."

Come on, guys. In your cheer-leading, imagine the reverse situation: a couple is on the rocks and discusses divorce after 13 years of marriage, there are two teenage sons, husband initiated divorce. Wife tells him: OK, I'll grant you a divorce, but I have my needs, so how about you will help me to find the new husband? Also, I need to let you know that the guys I am shagging now will be calling you at random times to ask for references for me, and also I have prepared the video presentation of our home and our children that I am showing to all the guys I am screwing while traveling through the country. I have several cities in my tour and likely I'll have sex in every one of 3-5 cities I plan to visit, it's possible that I'll have sex with several different people in the same city. Here are the photos of the guys I had sex with, here are the photos of the guys I will have sex with, - as you can see, they are all younger than you and are in a perfect physical shape, also they are very hot in bed. I'm sure you do not mind me telling you all these details because we are such wonderful friends with you and I feel I can share with you everything. Also, since you decided to divorce me, I feel that I am free to do anything I want now, and as  woman I have my sexual and other needs, and I need to find a new husband ASAP. That's ok that our divorce is not finalized yet. Oh, wait, we have not even applied for divorce yet. But we are going to file the separation papers soon. Some time soon. Maybe in half a year, perhaps longer.

What would you say about such woman?
Now, what makes the OP so much different? The fact that he has balls and thus has some sort of special rights?

[mies]

Believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things .... as good a description as I have ever heard.  I still feel that way about my ex.  We are and remain best friends.  But life moves on. 

I believe you can love more than one person.  And be in love with more than one person.

It's one thing to be good friends with your ex. It's a completely different thing to shove in her face the parade or exhibition of multiple women you are sleeping with, and requesting your ex to have conversations with them and describe to them what a wonderful husband you are. Would you be OK if your ex asked you to screen the guys she sleeps with (several different guys, mind it), and ask you to help her to pick the most reliable and shaggable guy?

[jone]

Mies,

You have not read my previous posts in this thread.  I could care less about NorthKape's future relationships.  For me, it is all about the children.  He should put his own personal needs aside until the children are grown.  I would think that a five year wait to get remarried is not unreasonable.  End of story. 

As a personal note, the reason that my ex and I are such close friends is because of the children, even though they both are now 'out of the nest'. 

[waylan]

Very interesting story. I am perplexed on one thing though: Why the necessity for looking for a mate that is 20+ years younger? I don't understand...

[GQBlues]

...Come on, guys. In your cheer-leading, imagine the reverse situation: a couple is on the rocks and discusses divorce after 13 years of marriage, there are two teenage sons, husband initiated divorce. Wife tells him: OK, I'll grant you a divorce, but I have my needs, so how about you will help me to find the new husband? Also, I need to let you know that the guys I am shagging now will be calling you at random times to ask for references for me, and also I have prepared the video presentation of our home and our children that I am showing to all the guys I am screwing while traveling through the country. I have several cities in my tour and likely I'll have sex in every one of 3-5 cities I plan to visit, it's possible that I'll have sex with several different people in the same city. Here are the photos of the guys I had sex with, here are the photos of the guys I will have sex with, - as you can see, they are all younger than you and are in a perfect physical shape, also they are very hot in bed. I'm sure you do not mind me telling you all these details because we are such wonderful friends with you and I feel I can share with you everything. Also, since you decided to divorce me, I feel that I am free to do anything I want now, and as  woman I have my sexual and other needs, and I need to find a new husband ASAP. That's ok that our divorce is not finalized yet. Oh, wait, we have not even applied for divorce yet. But we are going to file the separation papers soon. Some time soon. Maybe in half a year, perhaps longer....

Who's to say she isn't getting serviced right now? Even by one who knows, or a friend to, the OP?

Maybe a bit off topic but this reminds me of a story some time ago. There was a member at RWG a while back who took pride in declaring how happy his marriage was - ad nauseum - on the board. I think there was a massive (almost 30 years) age disparity between him and his FSUW wife. Anyway, there was a FSUW/WM get together one time and people met, etc...

Long story short, the couple went somewhere for vacation and met the guy in that city, who just 'happened' to be in the same place they were. The guy was also a member at RWG like the husband. He said it was a coincidence. My suspicion is, it was deliberate because the older guy posted pictures of his young wife while patting himself on the back. So things happened during that vacation time....and for the ensuing months, the husband just kept repeating how lucky he is, blah, blah, blah for marrying his wife blah, blah, blah - while the entire time - the guy was screwing the older guy's wife and he just continued to support the older guy's posts on the board and telling him he's so happy for him, yada, yada, yada while constantly boinking his wife, LOL.

 

Freaking hysterical, man! When he told me the story, I couldn't wait to get home and read many of the older guy's posts. I guess they got divorced short of a year after the affair got started and poor guy likely never even knew what was happening the entire time.

Point of that story is, like the one were discussing now, sometimes one have to wonder can a wacky thing actually gets wackier?

 

[Faux Pas]

Who's to say she isn't getting serviced right now? Even by one who knows, or a friend to, the OP?

Maybe a bit off topic but this reminds me of a story some time ago. There was a member at RWG a while back who took pride in declaring how happy his marriage was - ad nauseum - on the board. I think there was a massive (almost 30 years) age disparity between him and his FSUW wife. Anyway, there was a FSUW/WM get together one time and people met, etc...

Long story short, the couple went somewhere for vacation and met the guy in that city, who just 'happened' to be in the same place they were. The guy was also a member at RWG like the husband. He said it was a coincidence. My suspicion is, it was deliberate because the older guy posted pictures of his young wife while patting himself on the back. So things happened during that vacation time....and for the ensuing months, the husband just kept repeating how lucky he is, blah, blah, blah for marrying his wife blah, blah, blah - while the entire time - the guy was screwing the older guy's wife and he just continued to support the older guy's posts on the board and telling him he's so happy for him, yada, yada, yada while constantly boinking his wife, LOL.

 

Freaking hysterical, man! When he told me the story, I couldn't wait to get home and read many of the older guy's posts. I guess they got divorced short of a year after the affair got started and poor guy likely never even knew what was happening the entire time.

Point of that story is, like the one were discussing now, sometimes one have to wonder can a wacky thing actually gets wackier?

 

[GQBlues]

That's a cool sounding groove there, FP! Love, luv Motown!

The song I actually had in mind that likely serves the MOB more is this....






"My, oh my, you sure know how to arrange things. You set it up so well, so carefully. Ain't it funny how your new life didn't change things. You're still the same old girl you used to be"

[lonedrake]

before I go to visit her on the last one of my remaining days, before going home.

 Nice! You can screw her for a couple of days and then leave without saying goodbye.

I believe mies has you pegged.

[northkape]

Bo......
I have no beliefs in any god, and I find your definition of love to be somewhat on the outside of my boundaries.

But, I do agree that there is a great passion for each other at the start of a relationship,,, which then slowly fades in the years to come.
For me, true love is the deep warm feelings I still felt (years after the passion had faded) when looking at my wife innocently in sleep beside me.
Knowing, feeling and wanting to protect her with my own life if necessary. Somewhat similar to the love I have always felt for my boys.

We had a very close relationship throughout our marriage. In the first five years, we spent almost every minute of every single day together,
and it was more than ten years before the first day when we didn't see each other.
Me and Lena might be divorcing now, but we will forever be connected through our boys,
and I believe that some slices of our feelings for each other will remain for years to come.

[northkape]

Lonedrake
I understand that for one reason or another, you don't like me.
But what I don't understand, is what pleasure it gives you to berate me and accuse me of something I never would have done.

Well, I was never the one to hold any grudges towards those I simply didn't understand.
I hope at least, that you are nicer with those closer to you than you are towards me.

[lonedrake]

I have decided not to answer her calls, before I go to visit her on the last one of my remaining days, before going home.

 Correct me if I am wrong...but you spent five days with Kie32(lived with) . You called it off with her....but kept her hanging around. You would not tell her when you would visit her again even though you knew you would be in her city. The night you decided to call her was the night another woman left "early". You showed up and immediately had sex with her( my interpretation) and were with her for two days. You left in an argument without saying goodbye. Now she is calling you and you will not return her calls ....yet you still plan on going back to see her right before you go home?  What are you planning to do on this visit?

 You are too busy to talk to her now and you think she will forget about this? You will go there and have sex...an argument will ensue and you will leave.....mad and putting the blame on her.....most likely without saying goodbye.

 I am sorry but I do not respect your actions and furthermore I do not believe you are telling the real reason why your wife wants a divorce.

 Maybe it just a cultural thing...but I doubt it.