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Author Topic: Searching&finding, или как искать, чтобы находить?  (Read 45183 times)

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Offline molly35ru

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+100  :D

Offline Misha

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As long as both sides understand the rules of the game - I'm totally fine with this. However I've witnessed a double standard among the RWD "young smooth flesh seekers" consistently over the years: they want a young hot woman their daughter's age that would love them for their soul, even if they are divorced losers with a child support and alimony, and make a mere 40K. And those who are better off only want a "non-materialistic" one and employ all sorts of "financial defense" (prenups for example).

Where exactly is the double-standard? You are confirming my point. All men, rich and not so rich, are going overseas for exactly the same thing: "young smooth flesh"  :popcorn: But, using your example, the "losers" that you describe should follow a different standard and should only pursue the women with old and not so smooth flesh  ;)

Offline molly35ru

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Well, I find it hard to believe that I have to explain this to an adult: men looking for a spouse overseas, will with few exceptions look for a very attractive woman, usually 10-15 years younger, who will love them  :evil: If you can love a man who is older than your ideal, somewhat less attractive than your ideal, it will simply be easier to find a foreign man to marry  :popcorn:

Being a little more mature than my daughter I don't have an ideal depending on looks, that's the advantage of my age...lol...inner beauty is what really counts.
I had communicated with men from 37 to 54 and found out I had nothing in common with the older ones. It's what i would call different generations. So why would I marry one of them if we have nothing to talk about and men close to my age are also interested in me.
Yes, I've made good friends with a 50 y.o. man.
Yes, we have something to talk about and we have a good laugh sometimes.
Yes, he would marry me but should I have done it if there's no love in my heart. Great man, good country, money but as we say ....не мое :(.

А вообще-то всю тему уже зафлудили рассуждениями о возрасте, внешности  и поводах для брака :D, прости Марин.

Offline pitbull

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Where exactly is the double-standard? You are confirming my point. All men, rich and not so rich, are going overseas for exactly the same thing: "young smooth flesh"  :popcorn: But, using your example, the "losers" that you describe should follow a different standard and should only pursue the women with old and not so smooth flesh  ;)

The double standard is clearly shown in many RWD topics that sound smth like "RW are oh so materialistic" and "She wants gifts and trips from me, how come she doesn't want to love me strictly for how good a guy I am and overlook the wrinkled ass factor" and "How to make sure she doesn't get anything when writing up a prenup"... browse the history, Misha. And these topics are paired with "Why I want a young woman" and "Will you kick her out of the house if she gains 2 pounds" topics.

And then comes the clash of expectations: the young RW expects that the "sugardaddy" husband will "spoil" her, as he should (you should pay for pleasures in life, right?), and the "sugardaddy" thinks she should be eternally grateful for the "pass to the land of milk and honey" and that she really loves him for his  soul.... Well and then the "get GC - on to the greener pastures" saga.
« Last Edit: September 07, 2010, 09:52:26 PM by pitbull »
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Offline Misha

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I agree with you, but once again you confirm that the sugardaddy wants a young and attractive woman... A woman who is older and not so attractive will have to search longer and harder to find love ;)

Offline Daveman

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The double standard is clearly shown in many RWD topics that sound smth like "RW are oh so materialistic" and "She wants gifts and trips from me, how come she doesn't want to love me strictly for how good a guy I am and overlook the wrinkled ass factor" and "How to make sure she doesn't get anything when writing up a prenup"... browse the history, Misha. And these topics are paired with "Why I want a young woman" and "Will you kick her out of the house if she gains 2 pounds" topics.

And then comes the clash of expectations: the young RW expects that the "sugardaddy" husband will "spoil" her, as he should (you should pay for pleasures in life, right?), and the "sugardaddy" thinks she should be eternally grateful for the "pass to the land of milk and honey" and that she really loves him for his  soul.... Well and then the "get GC - on to the greener pastures" saga.


Wrinkled Ass Factor....


 :ROFL:


That sounds like a fabulous name for a new tv reality show!
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Offline Lily

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Lily,

I do hope you understand that you are quite the exception. You were able to do this because:

1. You chose a country (Canada) that openly accepts immigrants;
2. You have exceptional language skills in English and I believe French as well;
3. You had extensive work experience in one of Canada's 29 skilled worker professions that have been identified by Citizenship and Immigration Canada as needed professions in Canada and given the highest priority when choosing potential permanent residents.

Most women would not qualify to immigrate to Canada on their own as they would not be able to meet the requirements as required by Citizenship and Immigration Canada to successfully apply for permanent residence in Canada as independent immigrants.

Michel

Misha, I'd say, many of the marriage willing women may not even have tried to immigrate, waiting till some American gentlemen would find them online and take them with him with full board and meal :)

Once I provided statistics from Canadian Immigration. Last year, there were about more than ten thousand skilled migrants only from Russia, not counting Ukraine where people are very actively immigrating. From these ten thousand, more than a half would be couples; however, single women, also with kids, would be pretty well represented.

So I am not an exception, not at all. Just one of the many, who happen to be on RWD.

You only quoted requirements for the federal Canadian program. There are also provincial ones with looser reqs.
Da, da, Canada; Nyet, nyet, Soviet!

Offline Rina_G

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Сама вижу, что мужской взгляд на эту тему зиждется исключительно на внешней стороне дела.
поэтому предлагаю на этом обсуждение - чем моложе, тем лучше - остановить.  ввиду их полной бесперспективности.
каждый ищет то, что хочет. каждый находит то, что хочет.
за сим продолжаю тему по поводу - как искать, чтобы найти.
следующий пункт на повестке дня - про карту обещала рассказать, а потом про способы поиска и нахождения.
If you can dream it you can do it. Me

Offline Misha

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men close to my age are also interested in me.

The question, however, is whether men will actually visit the women they are chatting with close to their age or whether they are more likely to visit the women they are surely chatting with as well younger than they are  ;) 

Offline Misha

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каждый ищет то, что хочет. каждый находит то, что хочет.

Это не совсем прав. Человек сможет искать всё угодно но не все найдут что хочет  :evil:

The fact of the matter is that both women and men will say "I am looking for this and this is whom I will find." However, there is not guarantee that they will find what they are looking for and there is no guarantee that even if they find whom they believe to be the ideal partner for them, that this potential ideal partner will be interested in them.

Offline Misha

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Misha, I'd say, many of the marriage willing women may not even have tried to immigrate, waiting till some American gentlemen would find them online and take them with him with full board and meal :)

Sure, trying is a good thing. However, realistically, they should try if they are quite fluent in either English or French. They should also try if they have a profession that is highly rated by Citizenship and Immigration Canada. A woman who has no or limited English and has a profession that won't give her many points when she applies for permanent residence is not going to be accepted for permanent residence.

Quote
Once I provided statistics from Canadian Immigration. Last year, there were about more than ten thousand skilled migrants only from Russia, not counting Ukraine where people are very actively immigrating. From these ten thousand, more than a half would be couples; however, single women, also with kids, would be pretty well represented.

Again, the skilled migrants would have to have a high level of English and/or French and a profession that is deemed in demand in Canada. How many applicants would have been rejected?

Quote
You only quoted requirements for the federal Canadian program. There are also provincial ones with looser reqs.

Yes, each province can put forward its nominees. Now that I think about it, you are right. A woman who has is fluent in either English or French has likely a better chance of being accepted as a permanent resident in Canada if she applies that finding a man, her own age, that she won't define as a "loser"  ;D

Offline Rina_G

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Это не совсем прав. Человек сможет искать всё угодно но не все найдут что хочет  :evil:

позвольте возразить вам вашими собственными словами -  когда человек ищет все, что угодно, он как правило ничего не находит.
If you can dream it you can do it. Me

Offline Misha

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позвольте возразить вам вашими собственными словами -  когда человек ищет все, что угодно, он как правило ничего не находит.


Да, но если у женщины есть нереальные требования, вряд ля что она найдёт мужу. Но, конечно, наверно это лучше никогда делать компромисс  :popcorn:


Offline Lily

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  Но, конечно, наверно это лучше никогда делать компромисс  :popcorn:


Misha, just curious, are you using online translator, or are you trying to make yourself clear in Russian language? ;)
Da, da, Canada; Nyet, nyet, Soviet!

Offline Misha

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Misha, just curious, are you using online translator, or are you trying to make yourself clear in Russian language? ;)

Personally, I prefer speaking Russian than writing it, but I do what I can.

Offline Seeker

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Personally I find the best things happen for me when I stop looking for them.  When I am looking I put too many obstacles in my way.  Expectations are the problem.  I think things "have" to be a certain way.

After getting tired of the dating life (or lack of) I stopped looking and decided just to give up the search.  It was so much easier to just live day to day and not deal with the stress.  I was happy to be myself, alone or not.

So of course, what happens?  I start to chat with a woman in some obscure forum on the internet, decide to meet with her in St Petersburg (which was already my plan), and we fall in love.  Life can be really strange...  But the point is, when I try, I am trying too hard... over thinking it... and second guessing myself and the situation.  Which probably scares away the good women.  :)   

Once I just relax and decide to live life, what I was looking for was right in front of me.  I am not sure, maybe a lot of it is the attitude of the person searching.

Okay, that is my version of searching and finding.
"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." - Robert A. Heinlein

Offline Rina_G

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Да, но если у женщины есть нереальные требования, вряд ля что она найдёт мужу. Но, конечно, наверно это лучше никогда делать компромисс  :popcorn:

первое, что гарантирует успех в поиске - это адекватность запроса, причем с обоих сторон - и для мужчин, и для женщин. Эта адекватность рождается не сразу и корректируется в процессе поиска.
на старте любые ожидания завышены - женщина хочет миллионера, мужчина - модель.
помимо правильно сформированного запроса есть правильно организованный поиск. Но без запроса любой поиск будет безуспешен - пойди туда, не знаю куда, принеси то, не знаю что.
спасибо Миша за хороший русский язык
If you can dream it you can do it. Me

Offline Misha

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на старте любые ожидания завышены - женщина хочет миллионера, мужчина - модель.
помимо правильно сформированного запроса есть правильно организованный поиск. Но без запроса любой поиск будет безуспешен - пойди туда, не знаю куда, принеси то, не знаю что.
спасибо Миша за хороший русский язык

Да я согласен с тобой. Это важно иметь запроса но это тоже важно знать какие необходимые и какие не так важно. Надо делать приоритет на несколько запросов и тогда можно найти свою супругу. Если человек всё хочет сразу, он обычно ничего не получает.


Offline LanaRUS

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 :ROFL:
Nice picture, Misha
Never stop smiling even when you ar sad. Someone may fall in love with your smile.

Offline Rina_G

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Да я согласен с тобой. Это важно иметь запроса но это тоже важно знать какие необходимые и какие не так важно. Надо делать приоритет на несколько запросов и тогда можно найти свою супругу. Если человек всё хочет сразу, он обычно ничего не получает.

согласна - мы все изначально хотим всего и сразу, завышая собственное представление о себе самом.
первое, что делала я, писала список качеств, которые для меня важны в мужчине.
второе - читала этот список вслух
третье - думала с точки зрения мужчины из списка - какая женщина понравилась бы ему и насколько я соответствую уже его предполагаемым ожиданиям.
если не соответствую (тот же возраст или внешние данные), то корректировала список, убирала что-то.
я и говорю поэтому, что адекватные ожидания рождаются постепенно.
другой вопрос, когда мы заведомо занижаем планку - дайте мне хоть какого-нибудь. получаем быстро, но в подавляющем большинстве случаев - совершенно не то, а потом страдаем и мучаемся.
именно про это говорят - будьте осторожнее со своими желаниями
If you can dream it you can do it. Me

Offline Rina_G

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Personally I find the best things happen for me when I stop looking for them.  When I am looking I put too many obstacles in my way.  Expectations are the problem.  I think things "have" to be a certain way.

After getting tired of the dating life (or lack of) I stopped looking and decided just to give up the search.  It was so much easier to just live day to day and not deal with the stress.  I was happy to be myself, alone or not.

So of course, what happens?  I start to chat with a woman in some obscure forum on the internet, decide to meet with her in St Petersburg (which was already my plan), and we fall in love.  Life can be really strange...  But the point is, when I try, I am trying too hard... over thinking it... and second guessing myself and the situation.  Which probably scares away the good women.  :)   

Once I just relax and decide to live life, what I was looking for was right in front of me.  I am not sure, maybe a lot of it is the attitude of the person searching.

Okay, that is my version of searching and finding.

My opinion.
Your example confirms, instead of contradicts the theory. Only it is the second party of a medal. Time that all has occurred was just necessary. Sometimes excessive activity only disturbs to search. It is necessary to search without haste and fanaticism. The nature loves balance
If you can dream it you can do it. Me

Offline Misha

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согласна - мы все изначально хотим всего и сразу, завышая собственное представление о себе самом.
первое, что делала я, писала список качеств, которые для меня важны в мужчине.
второе - читала этот список вслух
третье - думала с точки зрения мужчины из списка - какая женщина понравилась бы ему и насколько я соответствую уже его предполагаемым ожиданиям. если не соответствую (тот же возраст или внешние данные), то корректировала список, убирала что-то.
я и говорю поэтому, что адекватные ожидания рождаются постепенно.
другой вопрос, когда мы заведомо занижаем планку - дайте мне хоть какого-нибудь. получаем быстро, но в подавляющем большинстве случаев - совершенно не то, а потом страдаем и мучаемся.
именно про это говорят - будьте осторожнее со своими желаниями

 :applaud: Вот я считаю это идеально подход у вас чтобы найти мужу  :thumbsup: 

Offline molly35ru

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Вот любим мы выхватывать кусок из текста  :D...Что ж, каждому свое: на каждого "папика" найдется желающая потратить его денежки со вкусом, каждый адекватный получит то, что ищет, это лишь вопрос времени. Прошу прощения за отступление.
Вообще-то я хотела сказать о том, как изменялась я сама и мои требования к мужчинам в процессе поиска.

Поиск заставил задуматься снова, кто я, какая я и чего хочу.
1) я поняла, что последние лет 10 я не была собой :-[...результат: я похудела, похорошела, снова стала счастливой и озорной, словно сбросила оболочку. которая скрывала меня настоящую, потому что я боялась показать людям, какая я на самом деле. И я счастлива, как и счастливы мои девчонки, видя меня такой.
2) требований к внешности мужчины особых я и не имела...Ну как обычно, главное, чтоб не был похож на обезьяну  :D, рост, вес (а вот это интересно...я поняла, что мне НЕ нравятся худощавые мужчины. Пара центнеров, это, конечно слишком, но небольшой избыток веса меня не пугает, в конце концов мне его потом и кормить,а значит это дело поправимое  ;)).
А вот требования к возрасту претерпели изменения: если в начале я искала в рамках 42-55, постепенно перешла на 39-49. Причины я уже называла раньше. С мужчинами более старшего возраста я чувствую себя, как с папой или дедушкой, и не нахожу ничего общего. Подозреваю, что тут не обошлось без проказ девчонки, выбравшейся наконец из глубин моего подсознания :P.

Но вот есть одна проблема, которую я решить не смогла: переписываться сразу с несколькими кандидатами. Для меня это означает, либо дружить (а друзья мои никогда в категорию т.н. женихов не переходят), либо врать и изображать заинтересованность.

Кстати, о карте сокровищ  :)...я ее не клеила, сделала онлайн и сохранила у себя на компе, но вот записочки с желаниями по тому же принципу мне очень помогают 8).
« Last Edit: September 09, 2010, 07:46:00 AM by molly35ru »

Offline Misha

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А вот требования к возрасту претерпели изменения: если в начале я искала в рамках 42-55, постепенно перешла на 39-49. Причины я уже называла раньше. С мужчинами более старшего возраста я чувствую себя, как с папой или дедушкой

Как я понимаю, у нас тот же самый воздрасть +/- 3 года (мне 41). Я могу сказать если это так что тебе лучше искать для мужчины которому 49 лет чем 39. Обычно мужчина будет искать хотя на 5 лет младше (и обычно это если он не очень успешный) и реально будет смотреть на 10 лет младше когда ищет заграницу. Это редко иссключения когда это не так.

Offline molly35ru

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Спасибо за совет  :), мне 43 и после активного поиска я нахожусь на стадии "пускай меня поищут сами" :evil:, в отпуске так сказать...Живу и дышу полной грудью  :P.

 

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Re: If you don't know what you are talking about, post away anyway by 2tallbill
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