How much is "enough?" Do I have to be wealthy and established?

[IntrovertedGuy]

So basically I'm a 22 year old graduate student and I'm looking for a wife. I've been thinking about FSU girls for years now. Come next May, I will be making about $50,000/year at my job. When I finish graduate school(3 years) it will be double that or more. What are the normal expectations of FSU women? I speak basic Russian and I'm a reasonably attractive guy(I have no problem getting dates with US women, they just aren't dedicated enough for me). I'm looking for someone younger than me who will treat me nicely, respect me and support my decisions. Most importantly, I'm looking for someone to fall in love with at a rather fast pace who will marry and do anything to be with me.

[Gylden]

I'm sure it is possible, but from what I have seen RW are looking for older "established" men for the most.
Keep in mind also, that it usually involves plenty of traveling and time off from work, which can be problematic for someone just starting a career.
I can tell you that the rewards are worth the effort though!

Good luck!

[Rina_G]

we were diccussed here about the same several monthes ago - look for those topic
what i think about? your knowing Russian is good (even start level).
but I think it'll better for you to look for not in dating sites.
Girls this age in FSU aren't very serious for relations with foreing guys and you can searching for long time unsuccessful.
let look for in social nets and arrive to FSU - it'll be easer to find right girl.
Dating sites are good for people a bit older than you - you'll have in time to get there  
Good luck
Rina
  

[facetrock]

  The girls in the age bracket your interested in, 18 to 22, in my opinion wont be any different than girls from the USA.  Plus you would be dating college girls who wont want to move or get married until they finish college.
  
Girls that age in the FSU party just as hard and can be just as flighty as American girls. The only real difference is about 20 pounds. I get the impression you've been reading some dating agency hype.

 But.... If I was your age I would definetly go and have some fun there anyway. Time is on your side...enjoy

[ECOCKS]

This does sound an awfully lot like another poster with the same situation, even including the job.

I would say your odds are not good unless you are willing to spend a year or so over there studying, learning, dating and trying to develop a good relationship. Not every FSU gal is looking for an older, wealthy guy and, in fact, I would advise that you specifically NOT be looking for one that is looking for a non-FSU man. You should be looking for one who is simply enjoying her life and both of you are lucky enough to find each other along the way.

Look for a relationship, not a wife.

[Gylden]

Look for a relationship, not a wife.

Good advice!

[Jumper]

I do not think the "enough" is a problem in your case..
there are RW of all levels and not all look for a prince driving a white mercedes

(though many do! so be clear about such things)
 
just be careful her expectations , and your own ,and be really clear about what you now have ,
and what your plans are,  as well as what you want in your family life.

so it isn't your life position, or salary ,as much as your youth that would be a hurdle.

but certainly if you present yourself well ,as family minded /mature ,
  younger 19 to 22 yo RW would be interested.



I do find it odd that at 22,  you have considered RW for "years"??

Most importantly, I'm looking for someone to fall in love with at a rather fast pace who will marry and do anything to be with me.

well honestly this sounds like  both a harmless, and a dangerous mindset.

1. why is it "most important" to fall i nlove at a rather face pace.
2. its understandable to want someone who truly lovbes you, an dwould do anything for you.

the caveat when traveling to the FSU , is you CAN find someone  who would do most anything to marry you ,but in some cases it would not be what you are referring to or want.
so be careful what you wish for ,you just might get it.


overall ,you have youth and time on your side ,
gainfully employed with a bright future.

Take your time ,
do not rush into anything ..
and do not feel like you need to rush into anything ..

if you feel a odd sense of urgency.. and like you need to hurry things  ,
do some self evaluation to understand "why".

If you are a seriously marraige minded 22yo ,
it is going to be a little strange to young RW ! they just wont believe it.
but many would certainly be happy to see that!  
The problem would be getting RW to believe that about you.

i do think you will run into a lot of the  not so serious girls at this age.. , just like in the west.
it is NORMAL.
but you may also find someone like minded , wanting to settle down and ready for marriage.


Good Luck!

[IntrovertedGuy]

This does sound an awfully lot like another poster with the same situation, even including the job.

I posted here a while ago with a similar thread.

Here's part of the post:

I'm am a very bright 20 year old college student with a very respectable future as a science professional. However, currently I have the life of a university student which means a less than spectacular income. Although, it is livable(mandatory spending is about 60% of my income) has very good health benefits and this situation is temporary. I was just wondering if there are Russian women especially younger(18-22) ones would be interested in the American university life style.

18 months later my situation has changed quite a bit. A trip to the FSU is not only possible it wouldn't break the bank.

I do find it odd that at 22,  you have considered RW for "years"??

I saw a movie about dating FSU women when I was 18 and have been interested ever since.

1. why is it "most important" to fall i nlove at a rather face pace.

Mainly because that's the pace at which I fall in love because I'm a very decisive person. My parents were engaged after six weeks and married 3 1/2 months later; they've been together 30 years. I want something like that.

the caveat when traveling to the FSU , is you CAN find someone  who would do most anything to marry you ,but in some cases it would not be what you are referring to or want.
so be careful what you wish for ,you just might get it.

I'm aware of this fact. The main thing is engagement and getting her to the US. Once here, I doubt any level headed girl would give up a nice guy that's bringing in a decent paycheck.

[ECOCKS]

You need to seriously consider the wisdom of that last comment.

[Jumper]

I'm aware of this fact. The main thing is engagement and getting her to the US. Once here, I doubt any level headed girl would give up a nice guy that's bringing in a decent paycheck.

That is an awfully big assumption ..
you assume that from what?

if she isn't truly in love with the guy ,she'd leave him as soon as something better came along ,
 or anything that resembled *real* love.


don't let the economic disparity cloud common sense.

you CAN find love there,but it better be love.

 

[ECOCKS]

Once she's here, without love, you're the one with an economic disparity bud.

[Shadow]

You want to be a one-week-wonder I guess.

The trouble with that is you will have about as much chance as hitting the jackpot in Las Vegas. It happens to some, but most who try lose out.

Love is not something you decide, and you will have to learn that first. As for not letting go a guy with a nice paycheck, she will just take half of it when she leaves you...

[Rina_G]

Good advice!

Totaly agree

[BC]

Wait till the eggs are all in your basket.  50K in 1 and 150K in 3 sound great but at this time consider what you currently have stashed away in savings.  Add a few months vacation or unpaid leave time on top of that.

Money and time.. all huge expenditures in this endeavor.

BTW, with the age range you are looking at, there is likely very little difference between FSU girls and US girls as far as their dreams go, and a student proly doesn't fit in quite right.

Don't let lust for instant satisfaction distract you from your primary goal - making yourself worthy as a secure and stable life partner.  1st things first, the rest is little head thinking.

[easyukraine]

I started 4 years ago and in that time met quite a few women, some were quite incredible and some were just daters. A few I am still friends with and still see them when I am in town. I know maybe 2 men who have had success on a first or second trip and probably know of more than 50 who have taken multiple trips and are still looking for the right girl. I made over 10 trips in the past 4 years to find what I was looking for and I am happy to report I found her and we are quite happy. the strange thing is we were introduced by one of my interpreters I use in a city called Sumy. we never did see each other or write a single letter, skype or yahoo until after we met in person. what helped me the most was I know exactly what I was looking for in a potential partner so was able to focus my search on girls that met my criteria.

be prepared for a mother or grandmother to ask when you will be engaged when you meet them, a father may want to know when you will put a ring on his daughters finger.  
Good luck

[OHrenelli]

You sound like a total looser, no offense.  Better be ready to show the money!

[JohnDearGreen]

How much is "enough?"
Do I have to be wealthy and established?

How much?  You will need 25-50k at least in savings for your trips and her trip and expenses.  Most college graduates do not have anywhere near that savings.

Do I have to be wealthy and established?
That should be easy to find out by email.

[groovlstk]

Most importantly, I'm looking for someone to fall in love with at a rather fast pace who will marry and do anything to be with me.

Mainly because that's the pace at which I fall in love because I'm a very decisive person. My parents were engaged after six weeks and married 3 1/2 months later; they've been together 30 years. I want something like that.

Translation: I have enough $ for a single, round-trip ticket to Russia or Ukraine 

[Gator]

IntrovertedGuy,

RW for you?  Not now but perhaps later.  Three reasons:

1.  You will be very busy completing your degree and starting your career.  RW wives adjusting to America require a lot of attention for the first year and it continues.  Will you have the time knowing how corporate America demands more and more in the "new normal."  Get established in your career before marrying anybody, much less a RW.

2.  Forgive me for my bluntness, yet there is something wrong with you.  Any 22-yo man making 50K and about to make 150k should have no problem in dating 21-yo American women.  No need to elaborate, the problem could be anything.  You know the problem.  Your problem would also be a problem to any RW.  Take time to fix it or learn how to compensate for it.

3.  Your words "rather fast pace" says you do not understand love, or worse says you think you can buy love.  You need to take the time to learn how to understand and appreciate true love.

The main thing is engagement and getting her to the US. Once here, I doubt any level headed girl would give up a nice guy that's bringing in a decent paycheck.

I think a more reliable method is a loving relationship (and doing your best to keep it that way).    If a RW loves you she will not leave you.  How about those RW who realize that the fast paced courtship  did not yield true love? 

You are correct that most RW who do not love you would not give you up if you made decent money and spent it on them.  However, money can't buy love.  THE RELATIONSHIP WOULD NOT BE FULFILLING.   The wrong RW would not divorce you and instead milk you for years while preparing for her life without you.  My opinion is that many RW would have this mentality.  Is that your dream?
 

[Daveman]

You are correct that most RW who do not love you would not give you up if you made decent money and spent it on them.  However, money can't buy love.  THE RELATIONSHIP WOULD NOT BE FULFILLING.   The wrong RW would not divorce you and instead milk you for years while preparing for their her without you.  My opinion is that many RW would have this mentality.  Is that your dream?
 

Yes indeed.  Especially so if we are considering the group of FSU women specifically targeting a foreign man (the same can be said for men specifically targeting foreign women).  There are certain character traits (and/or psychological disorders pertaining to relationships) which are dominant in this grouping.  It's a mine field (again IMO).  Go into it with a fast paced mentality and you're probably going to blow yourself up.

[TwoBitBandit]

2.  Forgive me for my bluntness, yet there is something wrong with you.  Any 22-yo man making 50K and about to make 150k should have no problem in dating 21-yo American women.  No need to elaborate, the problem could be anything.  You know the problem.  Your problem would also be a problem to any RW.  Take time to fix it or learn how to compensate for it.

IntrovertedGuy, this endeavor really is much harder than you think.  In many ways dating in the FSU is easier.  However, Russian girls are less tolerant of weak men than American girls: the moment they think you're a wuss, you're done.  In addition, the costs add up and you can have a lot more trouble on the "back end" once you get here here.  In the FSU, you're the interesting foreigner with money: that gives you a lot of status.  When she gets here, the situation turns around.  You're just like every other bloke here but she's the hot thin exotic foreign girl.  That gives her status.  Don't underestimate the thoughts that can go through the hypergamous mind of a good-looking 21-year-old hottie once she gets here.  She'll inevitably run into guys with more status and money than you.

If you're painfully shy and don't know how to talk to girls, get out more.  Start taking ballroom dancing lessons.  Take a pottery class at your local community college.  Join a hiking club.  And just start practicing talking to girls all the time.

Hitting the gym and changing my diet helped me a lot: I put on some muscle and looked better, and I could feel the change in my testosterone level.

In addition, you also need to understand how to talk with girls if you're not that good at it now.  A lot of being successful with girls is keeping control of a slightly dominant (but not controlling) frame with them.  And part of it is approaching a lot of girls, it helps you be more confident.  For example, for awhile I was chasing lots of girls.  I would think up an interesting story about what I did over the weekend and call them *all* on a Monday and start out with the story.  If you're chasing one girl and you think she's a special flower and she knows it, she's going to have you wrapped around her finger and you'll tolerate her being a pain.  If you're chasing twelve girls and you call them all in succession, then who cares if you mess one conversation up.  And you're less likely to mess up a particular conversation, because you'll send off a more confident vibe.

I also recommend that you occasionally date girls of lower status: girls who are a little fat, nerdy or just a little bit off.  And when you're with them, try out new behaviors and just watch how they react.  Try saying things that are really cocky and see how they react.  Get an idea of what works with different girls and what doesn't.  And the best advantage of dating such girls is this: you'll get a perspective about how important it is to have "frame" in a relationship.  Once you've experienced it, you'll never go back.  Once you understand this and get better as having frame and being congruent with it, you can try it out on higher-status girls.

Start reading this blog: http://roissy.wordpress.com/ This guy is a bit politically incorrect and his posters even more so, but his insight into the female mind is incredible.

Good luck.

[Daveman]

You sound like a total looser, no offense.  Better be ready to show the money!

LoL.. I just love such qualifying statements... and how would you categorize how you sound in your first post here?

I thought he sounded like a tighter, personally, but don't you mean "be ready to show and spend the money"?

[JohnDearGreen]

How much is enough?  $26,000,000 divided by two is not enough...

It's a mine field (again IMO).

Till death do us part, or a winning lottery ticket, whichever comes first.  My wife lets the step daughter buy the lottery tickets, thinking that will prevent me from getting my half if they win.

[BrianW]

Welcome Introverted,

There are a large number of sociopaths amongst the posters here. I would be VERY selective in which advice you take to heart. Many people will make assumptions about you and your entire history based on a few posts. Think about the worst possible person you can imagine and ask yourself if you would heed advice from that person regarding your personal life. Keep that mindset as you post and read here.

Now, as to your question, I wouldn't focus as much on the financial aspect of it. Don't think in terms of how much stuff you can buy, but rather, if you have a decent place of your own, a pretty stable life and are able to travel, I think you should be in pretty good shape. I would listen to what EdCocks said about focusing on a relationship instead of looking for marriage right away. I am five years older than you and know how young you are and don't think should you rush into marriage.

So my advice is to check out the "Ten Commandments" here and follow them. Also, follow your instincts and think logically, which shouldn't be too hard for you since you have scientific training. Find a reputable dating site or agency and make some contacts. Go for a trip for a few weeks with the goal of having a nice vacation and meeting some girls, and seeing if things develop after that. Take things slow and TRUST your instincts.

Some of these women are sharks. The dog eat dog environment they grew up made them this way. If you have an average (by U.S.) standard of living, it will probably be a step up for an RW depending on where she is from.

If you are a good guy and treat a girl well, she should treat you like a King in return. If she doesn't...dump her.

I hope this helped. Keep in mind, I am a newbie who is making his first trip this spring (or late winter.)

Good luck!

[Shadow]

Welcome Introverted,

There are a large number of sociopaths amongst the posters here. I would be VERY selective in which advice you take to heart. Many people will make assumptions about you and your entire history based on a few posts. Think about the worst possible person you can imagine and ask yourself if you would heed advice from that person regarding your personal life. Keep that mindset as you post and read here.
......

I hope this helped. Keep in mind, I am a newbie who is making his first trip this spring (or late winter.)

Nice opener, might just have scared him to read the good points below.

One question for you (as the OP seems to have gone missing).
Spring / late winder is 6 to 8 months away, yet you have set your status as committed.

Are you committed to your search, or are you under the impression that you have a relationship even if you can not meet in person for the next 6 months ?