Expectations vs. Reality

[sledder]

OK New topic for the married men here.  I am curious to know what your expectations were before you visited Russia , Ukraine or wherever your destination took you.  In hind sight (and I think I know the answer by the fact that most of you are members here etc.)  was all the effort, time and expense worth it?  Is reality everything you thought it would be?  Please feel free to extrapolate as much as you want.

Alan

[Jack]

Alan, was it worth it? 

It was worth every cent, every ounce of sweet, every once of effort 100 fold. My experence changed my life. It was probably the education and experence of my life.

Without a doubt it was the greatest, most exciting, and most rewarding (way beyond my wildest dreams) thing that I have ever done in my life. Not recommended for the impatient, the unadventurous, or anyone who is not interested in complete imersion into the culture of the FSU.

Not at all what I expected or was led to believe.

[KenC]

A life changing experience.

KenC

[TigerPaws]

Without a doubt it was the greatest, most exciting, and most rewarding (way beyond my wildest dreams) thing that I have ever done in my life. Not recommended for the impatient, the unadventurous, or anyone who is not interested in complete imersion into the culture of the FSU.

Not at all what I expected or was led to believe.

 

 Well said Rags, take his world to heart men, if you have the patients and the will this experience will forever change you.

[Muzh]

Hard to tell after 5 years. I knew what I wanted and I guess my wife felt the same way. It took a tremendous effort from my part but more so from my wife. She was the one who left everything behind and trusted a complete stranger to make it happen. I've been told by many that it took balls for both of us to do what we did. American women have said that was the most romantic thing they've ever heard a man do. Fantasy aside, it has taken an incredible amount of work for us to get where we are. Talking about reality, I laugh at the agencies' "reality."

RW are stubborn and they bring this mind set from a very different culture that is not for the faint at heart. The biggest plus for RW is that they will roll up their sleeves and work at it, just as they would tilling their backyard to plant their vegetables every year. I don't know about the new RW generation. My wife tells me they are more spoiled because they are getting more things than she ever did when she was their age (19 - 25 group). It gives them a different perspective, including those girls from "small villages." The older set (30 - 39) are more identified with the wives of the dekabristi. Ask Elen or Kvinna for an explanation.

My expenses were minor compared to what some guys claim to have spent. I didn't buy any addresses nor sent any money. Didn't hire a translator nor a private investigator. My major expenses were airline tickets (on the average $500 each) and monthly phone bills ($250). I would take $1000 with me on every trip (average 3 weeks) and leave over half with my wife. Actually, I would give her all my money and told her that since she spoke the language and I didn't, she was in charge of spending it. Maybe today things have changed, but there is no need to spend thousands of dollars to do this. However, if you do have that kind of resources then go for it. Whatever you do, the worse you can do is pretend something you are not. Don't pretend you are rich on a $50K annual salary. Don't pretend you are poor on a $300K annual salary. Don't make $$ your main issue in life, it will only attract the greedy ones. Don't pretend you are 10 or 15 years younger than you are or even think that you look that young. RW will only see a fool. Bottom line don't close your mind. If you are well liked where you live, they will love you there. If you are a social reject here, don't go there expecting miracles.

Overall, I think RW are the most lovable PITAs in the world.

Was it worth it? You bet your sweet a$$ it is.

[Photo Guy]

Not at all what I expected or was led to believe.

How was it different?  -doug

[Noyrt]

[user=100]Muzh[/user] wrote:  Talking about reality, I laugh at the agencies' "reality."

----I laugh at this also. ---


RW are stubborn and they bring this mind set from a very different culture that is not for the faint at heart. The biggest plus for RW is that they will roll up their sleeves and work at it, just as they would tilling their backyard to plant their vegetables every year. I don't know about the new RW generation. My wife tells me they are more spoiled because they are getting more things than she ever did when she was their age (19 - 25 group). It gives them a different perspective, including those girls from "small villages." The older set (30 - 39) are more identified with the wives of the dekabristi. Ask Elen or Kvinna for an explanation.

---- It is  a sad but true point....  But I might add Stubborn with a sort of selfish pride, that will cause problems.  Many don't understand that we know much/ sometimes more about "how" their society works, than they do.  In all my travels there I have never met a woman there who would tell openly that she was sorry or wrong.. even when they know it.   So in this respect they are not much different from our American counterparts.

But  also from the flip side I have seen kindness, and unselfish generosity, that would melt any man's heart. 

You just have to find the correct balance.---- 



My expenses were minor compared to what some guys claim to have spent. I didn't buy any addresses nor sent any money. Didn't hire a translator nor a private investigator. My major expenses were airline tickets (on the average $500 each) and monthly phone bills ($250). I would take $1000 with me on every trip (average 3 weeks) and leave over half with my wife. Actually, I would give her all my money and told her that since she spoke the language and I didn't, she was in charge of spending it. Maybe today things have changed, but there is no need to spend thousands of dollars to do this. However, if you do have that kind of resources then go for it. Whatever you do, the worse you can do is pretend something you are not. Don't pretend you are rich on a $50K annual salary. Don't pretend you are poor on a $300K annual salary. Don't make $$ your main issue in life, it will only attract the greedy ones. Don't pretend you are 10 or 15 years younger than you are or even think that you look that young. RW will only see a fool. Bottom line don't close your mind. If you are well liked where you live, they will love you there. If you are a social reject here, don't go there expecting miracles.

Overall, I think RW are the most lovable PITAs in the world.

---->Well said........ )

Was it worth it? You bet your sweet a$$ it is.

[sledder]

Muzh

Thank you for taking the time to describe your situation and experience!!  It is greatly appreciated.  Thank you to all of you that have taken the time to reply.  I have met a couple Russian women here in the states and have heard their horror stories.  I always try to remember there are two sides to every story and perhaps somewhere in between lies reality.  I have learned that these women can be stubborn and have some concerns about that because I can be a little stubborn at times myself.    Beyond that I find the women in general seem to be extremely nice, committed to relationships and family and the truly important things in life.  They seem to have a zest for life and learning.  I also get the feeling they are well educated and read, even more so than myself.  Perhaps that is a direct result of circumstances I'm not sure.  I don't know but my thought is if I start with a pool of women who in general seem to have common intersts more in line with mine PERHAPS in the end I end up with a woman who will work as hard at making things work as I will.  Hopefully that results in a marriage that lasts a lifetime.  

Alan

[Todd]

Expectations vs. Reality....I visited Kate during the first two weeks of September in Minsk.  What was I expecting?  Someone that would be fun to be with and could show me around  her country.  What I got was a fiance'.  (Not on that trip, but a subsequent trip.)  As for the expense, I actually have been spending about the same amount of money per month since Kate and I have been engaged not more.  When I was dating in the US, I was averaging $1000/month on dating expenses... $100/date x 10 dates/month.  Now, instead of blowing my money on expensive restaurants, I purchase plane tickets and get to see a really different part of the world.

I will always treasure my two weeks in Belarus, our time together in Moscow, and our time together in Prague because it is associated with some amazing moments with Kate, my soon to be wife.

[jb]

My experience with my RW wife has been exceptional, but then,,, she's an exceptional woman.

There has been no difference between reality and expectation, but then I didn't let "wish fulfillment" cloud my expectation.  It is more work, if you want to call it work, to be married to someone who has to be shown everything for the first time.  For me it has been more of an adventure together, not a chore.  Even with her working as a college professor for the past two years, there are still times when I have to guide her.  But that's just part of the deal.

[deden]

Rags, check your e-mail.  DE

[2tallbill]

I found an old thread that is still true today.

[JayH]

OK New topic for the married men here.  I am curious to know what your expectations were before you visited Russia , Ukraine or wherever your destination took you.  In hind sight (and I think I know the answer by the fact that most of you are members here etc.)  was all the effort, time and expense worth it?  Is reality everything you thought it would be?  Please feel free to extrapolate as much as you want.

Alan

I found an old thread that is still true today.

Good idea--  maybe expand to those who are in real life relationships .Americans are stuck on marriage as being the only measure.

I would add -- there is a lot different today from 2005 !!

[southernX]

Hard to tell after 5 years. I knew what I wanted and I guess my wife felt the same way. It took a tremendous effort from my part but more so from my wife. She was the one who left everything behind and trusted a complete stranger to make it happen. I've been told by many that it took balls for both of us to do what we did. American women have said that was the most romantic thing they've ever heard a man do. Fantasy aside, it has taken an incredible amount of work for us to get where we are. Talking about reality, I laugh at the agencies' "reality."

RW are stubborn and they bring this mind set from a very different culture that is not for the faint at heart. The biggest plus for RW is that they will roll up their sleeves and work at it, just as they would tilling their backyard to plant their vegetables every year. I don't know about the new RW generation. My wife tells me they are more spoiled because they are getting more things than she ever did when she was their age (19 - 25 group). It gives them a different perspective, including those girls from "small villages." The older set (30 - 39) are more identified with the wives of the dekabristi. Ask Elen or Kvinna for an explanation.

My expenses were minor compared to what some guys claim to have spent. I didn't buy any addresses nor sent any money. Didn't hire a translator nor a private investigator. My major expenses were airline tickets (on the average $500 each) and monthly phone bills ($250). I would take $1000 with me on every trip (average 3 weeks) and leave over half with my wife. Actually, I would give her all my money and told her that since she spoke the language and I didn't, she was in charge of spending it. Maybe today things have changed, but there is no need to spend thousands of dollars to do this. However, if you do have that kind of resources then go for it. Whatever you do, the worse you can do is pretend something you are not. Don't pretend you are rich on a $50K annual salary. Don't pretend you are poor on a $300K annual salary. Don't make $$ your main issue in life, it will only attract the greedy ones. Don't pretend you are 10 or 15 years younger than you are or even think that you look that young. RW will only see a fool. Bottom line don't close your mind. If you are well liked where you live, they will love you there. If you are a social reject here, don't go there expecting miracles.

Overall, I think RW are the most lovable PITAs in the world.

Was it worth it? You bet your sweet a$$ it is.

my experience is pretty much word for word that of muzh  quoted above and his words still ring true imo , his wife is from the same city as mine and for us we are nine years in , id say he has described the ''adventure '' very accuratly ioe

it is hard work for both and it really begins after  your married ,
defintly life changing and definitly well worth it 

SX

[GenMish]

After a 23 yr marriage to a Russian Lady, many trips to Russia, and knowing a couple dozen married couples , I will throw in my two cents.


Per his profile, the OP is 56 yrs old. (I know its an old thread, but others like him will use this resource). I concluded for myself, it was not worth it FOR ME to try again at 54. And I know how stubborn Russian women get as they age, as mentioned in an earlier post. I am set in my ways, and the women I have exchanged with over there via an online dating site are set in their ways too. Look at the responses on this thread, and how much work is involved? Your largest financial expenses will be when she is here. Even if you forgo a big wedding and flying her family to the US, you still have a Car to buy, Health Insurance and probably College tuition (if she has children) beyond the normal necessities of food , clothing etc.... After that, it will take 2 people giving 100% effort

If you are 40 or under and want a family, then YES!!! its worth it. My ex was a great mother and homemaker. But I don't know one 50 plus US male FSU woman marriage that lasted long.

[BillyB]

Your largest financial expenses will be when she is here. Even if you forgo a big wedding and flying her family to the US, you still have a Car to buy, Health Insurance and probably College tuition (if she has children) beyond the normal necessities of food , clothing etc.... After that, it will take 2 people giving 100% effort

It can cost a lot of money but some FSU women have come to America and make more money than their husbands. If your finances are limited, let the women know that they would have to work should they want to be with you. There are women overseas willing to do that. A part time truck driver who worked for me went and married a Filipino woman. Brought her over here with his dad co signing the affidavit of support. He and his wife lived in a small RV(a trailer with a motor and wheels). She had 4 kids with him and worked 3 jobs. He quit on me to become a full time stay at home mom. If he can do it, anybody can do it.

[msmob]

Americans are stuck on marriage as being the only measure.

Hmm, and on what basis do you base THAT 'theory' ?   

I must be 'American' ...

[GenMish]

It can cost a lot of money but some FSU women have come to America and make more money than their husbands. If your finances are limited, let the women know that they would have to work should they want to be with you. There are women overseas willing to do that. A part time truck driver who worked for me went and married a Filipino woman. Brought her over here with his dad co signing the affidavit of support. He and his wife lived in a small RV(a trailer with a motor and wheels). She had 4 kids with him and worked 3 jobs. He quit on me to become a full time stay at home mom. If he can do it, anybody can do it.

 Great example, but that's a SE Asian Lady

My friend who is now 72 married a nice beautiful 40 year old Thai lady 10 years ago. He lives there and is very happy living in a small Thai village. He wants me to come out, and says there are many women wanting US husbands.  However, that is not our topic here. I came here considering pursuing a FSU woman

[Davo2]

When I was dating in the US, I was averaging $1000/month on dating expenses... $100/date x 10 dates/month.

I realise this is an old post and deviating from the topic.....

My local date on Saturday night cost me a little over $300 AUD. I Spent over what I usually do. I paid a mate $50 to take us from the restaurant to a live music venue, in his 57 chev ( she likes classic cars ) and things went well, so I bought some alcohol for a nightcap back at mine.

I don't think it's any difference dating locally as far as expenses on dates. Being a gentleman and wanting to make a good impression, you usually pay for dates if you are the one who invites her out.

I think my cost for dating locally in the last 3 years and several short term relationships, since my divorce would have easily been 6k+. Dating isn't cheap if you want to be successful, no matter where you're doing it.

[ML]

Burger King regularly sends coupons in mail.  For $4.00 you and date can share two sausage, egg, cheese croissants, one potato order and one drink.

We do this about twice a week.

[DaveNY]

Burger King regularly sends coupons in mail.  For $4.00 you and date can share two sausage, egg, cheese croissants, one potato order and one drink.

We do this about twice a week.

We just had our 18th anniversary. If I tried to take my wife out for Burger King or McDonald's on a date she'd kill me. Take our daughters out for fast food she'd do worse.

It doesn't have to be expensive food it just can't be fast food. She didn't like fast food in Moscow and over the years in NYC she's grown to hate it even more.

She does like to dress up and I've lived in a suit for the last 45 years so I don't mind. Lots of good reasonably priced restaurants in our area so no problems avoiding the fast food places. Of course when I'm at work and I go out for lunch I'll go to BK or McDonald's or for pizza. This is the same woman who insists any salad tastes better with lots of mayo. I never have mayo on my salads.

All those differences and we're still married after 18 years.   

[BillyB]

Burger King regularly sends coupons in mail.  For $4.00 you and date can share two sausage, egg, cheese croissants, one potato order and one drink.

It's possible to eat cheaper than that without a coupon. Using a coupon will decrease a guy's chances at getting laid anyway. Bad idea. At McDonalds you can get two cheeseburgers and a large soda for $3 off the dollar menu. An employee discount will make it even cheaper. The large soda can be shared with two straws in a romantic way and in America, there are free unlimited refills on fountain drinks. For entertainment, a guy can take his girl to the library. He can easily convince his date she'd get more real value out of reading a story than watching it at the cinema. The condom used at the end of a date will be the most expensive thing a guy has to buy but consider it a good investment because it's still a lot cheaper than 18 years of child support.

If I tried to take my wife out for Burger King or McDonald's on a date she'd kill me.

If I tried to take my wife out for Burger King or McDonald's on a date my mother in law would kill us. Once a year my wife has an urge for a Big Mac but first she makes me promise I don't tell her mother.

[msmob]

One of the funny things about restaurants and Vegans ( who occasionally fancy Lamb Shashlik or Fish ?!) is that it is a veritable PIA to get a salad made as they like it ..

SC eats loads before going out - as she'd be hungry - if choosing at a restaurant ....She 'compensates' by ordering more for me ....

Vegans make for cheap dates -at restaurants-  but ordering is stressful.....

[GenMish]

25 years ago, the dating expenses in Russia (urals) were close to zero. Cake and tea served on fine china was $1 for two. Opera and Ballet tickets were pretty close to free, $5? The most I spent for a white tablecloth dinner was $40 which included flowers and champagne

What are they now?

I think if I found someone here I wanted to date, it would be at least $150 a date at least in the beginning. But an advantage is, the first meeting can be at Starbucks. I was set up with a lady with a great picture, met her at Starbucks and had an enjoyable hour talking. But, I could tell it wasn't going to work...so I was out three dollars and an hour and a half time. I would hate to waste an entire vacation in an old industrial city to find that out when I could be golfing and game fishing in Hawaii