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Author Topic: communication question  (Read 37568 times)

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Offline Larry1

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communication question
« on: August 15, 2016, 07:20:13 PM »
We were chatting in the chatroom about an experience one of the guys has had with a UW. I suggested he should write it up for the forum and get feedback. someone else suggested he would get flamed. I offered to post it for him. 

The guy has been regularly communicating with the girl for about two weeks by skype video. The calls are typically an hour or more. They have discussed him visiting her, a WOVO visit. He has had a problem twice this week. she has left him hanging, waiting on her to call on skype. He has to go outside his office to his car for their conversations because other people work in his office and a skype call would disturb them.

At 12:38PM his time he asked her when she would be ready to chat. she said in 30 minutes, which would be
1:08. At 1:15 she texts over Skype telling him she could talk in 10 minutes. By 1:45 she hadn't gotten back to him, so he went back to his office to get some work done.

Her skype shows her to be online. she doesn't work in the evenings. she doesn't have kids.

This has happened twice this week. He does not think she has been respectful of his time and is considering not visiting her or flat out ending things between them. Opinion in the chatroom came down on both sides of the question. What are your thoughts?

He will read this thread and let me know if I have stated the facts correctly. If you have questions he will let me know the answer and I will respond in subsequent posts.

Offline jone

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Re: communication question
« Reply #1 on: August 15, 2016, 08:01:43 PM »
The response is easy:  She's not that into him. 
Kissing girls is a goodness.  It beats the hell out of card games.  - Robert Heinlein

Offline Miquel Westano

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Re: communication question
« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2016, 08:09:57 PM »
We were chatting in the chatroom about an experience one of the guys has had with a UW. I suggested he should write it up for the forum and get feedback. someone else suggested he would get flamed. I offered to post it for him. 

cut some out for space savings

He will read this thread and let me know if I have stated the facts correctly. If you have questions he will let me know the answer and I will respond in subsequent posts.

OK, here is my take based on women I know, but not girls from the FSU, because I don't know any.  I think if she is willing to spend an hour multiple times on the phone, she has some genuine interest.  I can't see any girl taking that much time on a regular basis without some legitimate interest.  I don't know how old the girl is, and that could be a factor.  In this day of text and other forms of messages, a bit of common phone etiquette has been lost.

There could be lots of reasons for behavior.  But I doubt she is spending hours on the phone with him just out of boredom.  So I think she is interested.  My guess is she has other things going and is not used to having to adhere to phone schedules.  If this is the only problem that comes up, I think I would chance the trip.  But again, I have zero experience with overseas dating, and no dating experience at all in almost 40 years.


Offline Larry1

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Re: communication question
« Reply #3 on: August 15, 2016, 08:12:07 PM »
I don't know how old the girl is, and that could be a factor. 

I meant to include that but forgot. The girl is 28.

Offline ML

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Re: communication question
« Reply #4 on: August 15, 2016, 08:33:38 PM »
A fairly mixed bag here.
She does spend considerable amount of time with him . . . sometimes.
At other times . . . she is flakey.

This flakiness is probably fairly typical of the gals he will contact.
Many of them still think they are the Homecoming Queen and that the man will put up with them . . . no matter what they do.

In general, they will give no thought to the problems they put the man through in trying to connect with them.

I have mostly only experience with FSUW over age 35, and they generally are a bit more realistic about what they must do to further the relationship and generally come to a 50/50 agreement about doing what is convenient for both parties time wise, etc.

I did encounter a very few who thought our meeting times were just a suggestion and that I would wait no matter what.  I did, the first time, and then met no more if there really wasn't a valid reason for the lateness.
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Offline LiveFromUkraine

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Re: communication question
« Reply #5 on: August 15, 2016, 08:36:47 PM »
We were chatting in the chatroom about an experience one of the guys has had with a UW. I suggested he should write it up for the forum and get feedback. someone else suggested he would get flamed. I offered to post it for him. 

The guy has been regularly communicating with the girl for about two weeks by skype video. The calls are typically an hour or more. They have discussed him visiting her, a WOVO visit. He has had a problem twice this week. she has left him hanging, waiting on her to call on skype. He has to go outside his office to his car for their conversations because other people work in his office and a skype call would disturb them.

At 12:38PM his time he asked her when she would be ready to chat. she said in 30 minutes, which would be
1:08. At 1:15 she texts over Skype telling him she could talk in 10 minutes. By 1:45 she hadn't gotten back to him, so he went back to his office to get some work done.

Her skype shows her to be online. she doesn't work in the evenings. she doesn't have kids.

This has happened twice this week. He does not think she has been respectful of his time and is considering not visiting her or flat out ending things between them. Opinion in the chatroom came down on both sides of the question. What are your thoughts?

He will read this thread and let me know if I have stated the facts correctly. If you have questions he will let me know the answer and I will respond in subsequent posts.


I'm not sure why he would get flamed for this. 


Anyway, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.  It's only been two weeks.  I don't know what regularly communicating means.  If he is talking to her almost everyday, only had two issues with scheduling, then I would say he's probably overthinking this.


People can be busy.  Maybe she likes the guy enough to where she didn't want to reschedule when she had some stuff to do.   


I would recommend the guy to take a step back.  He may be getting overly attached too quickly if this is bothering him.  It's better to slow down the roll and enjoy the process.  ;)

Offline Larry1

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Re: communication question
« Reply #6 on: August 15, 2016, 08:47:27 PM »
I don't know what regularly communicating means.  If he is talking to her almost everyday, only had two issues with scheduling, then I would say he's probably overthinking this.

They communicated every other day, on skype video.

Offline LiveFromUkraine

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Re: communication question
« Reply #7 on: August 15, 2016, 08:56:21 PM »
They communicated every other day, on skype video.


Sounds like it is going well.  I suspect she wanted to talk to him and that is why she didn't reschedule those two times.


He should have her text him when she is ready to talk so he doesn't leave work for nothing.  Communicating with people in different time zones will lead to these types of hiccups. 


Offline BillyB

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Re: communication question
« Reply #8 on: August 15, 2016, 10:51:07 PM »
He does not think she has been respectful of his time and is considering not visiting her or flat out ending things between them. Opinion in the chatroom came down on both sides of the question. What are your thoughts?


She could be testing him to see if he has an anger management problem. Most of the time she's on schedule and has invested time in him. I wouldn't visit any woman that doesn't give me her phone number. He should have it and be able to call when she doesn't show up. If I were him and she's late on Skype and had to go back to work. I would write a short note "I didn't see you on Skype but I have to go back to work. Talk to you later."

Women tend to test their men in various ways to see if they can take it. Sometimes my wife tickles or pinches me non stop to see if I can handle it without getting mad. I'm almost never late with any appointments with women. Even if a woman was late, I would remain calm and show maturity as if it never happened. I would need to see more faults from a woman before I drop her.
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Offline jone

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Re: communication question
« Reply #9 on: August 16, 2016, 02:56:00 AM »
You guys just don't get it.   Especially you married guys.  If the girl is into you, you will know it.  She will move heaven and earth to be with you.  I have experienced both situations;  1.  Where she was into me.  and 2.  When she was not.  My experience tells me that there is someone out there that is not going to stand you up, for any reason.  Or if she does, the reason will be substantial.  Similarly, if you don't show up for the gal, she will discern that you are not that into her. 

Remember, from a guy's perspective, another woman will be by in under a minute.
Kissing girls is a goodness.  It beats the hell out of card games.  - Robert Heinlein

Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: communication question
« Reply #10 on: August 16, 2016, 06:00:54 AM »
They communicated every other day, on skype video.

That's a lot of Skype, though only over two weeks I guess, first girl I went to see was three skypes about a week apart. However, I would suggest he ask himself if there is any chemistry there? Make sure he asks her to sit near the screen (might be best asking this by email or pre-skype messaging, this was one of my failings in the first girl I visited though she could turn on the charm so it may not have mattered and the going to see her might still have occurred in my case.

A couple of missed ones might not be an  issue with so many skypes as peoples schedules can get busy, but if its regular times then you wonder why so easily missed.

My thoughts are that she has other guys she is communicating with hence why she is 'online' - though this status I think with skype can just mean her computer is on and she hasn't bothered to enter skype to change setting to offline, so she may not actually be using skype or waiting for someone to call. Some girls also use skype to contact long distance friends and relatives across the Ukraine/Russia the first girl I met did this. I think though she might have other guys she's talking to and of course if someone more enticing to her comes along she may go off your friend for a while and then back onto him or completely.

Personally I would wait for visiting her, particularly if coming from the US as expensive and a potential travel ordeal. She how she responds to this, just tell her that its a big commitment and he needs to be sure that she is committed to seeing him so hence many more skypes before visit can become on the cards again. That's what I've learned form all of this what I have done so far, its easy for a girl to say come visit - none of the cost, time or travel ordeal is on her, she can just up and leave at any time leaving the guy in the lurch. I was not totally depending on the girl being there on the second trip like on the first but it was still a bit of an inconvenience - I generally was looking at it as beach sunny weather holiday/experience & insight into the culture so it was certainly that. Anyway, yeah many girls can be like 'Great your coming, it will be good seeing you, etc' without you having really discovered beforehand if she really is that bothered or not. Hopefully skype will show this but it is not always easy, many girls can be charming but their real intent/commitment hidden.
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Offline BorisS

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Re: communication question
« Reply #11 on: August 16, 2016, 06:27:41 AM »
You guys just don't get it.   Especially you married guys.  If the girl is into you, you will know it.  She will move heaven and earth to be with you.  I have experienced both situations;  1.  Where she was into me.  and 2.  When she was not.  My experience tells me that there is someone out there that is not going to stand you up, for any reason.  Or if she does, the reason will be substantial.  Similarly, if you don't show up for the gal, she will discern that you are not that into her. 

Remember, from a guy's perspective, another woman will be by in under a minute.


I would move on. Too many options to try and rationalize motivation from long distance. My first rule: Don't rationalize behavior just to stay in a "relationship."

Online Hammer2722

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Re: communication question
« Reply #12 on: August 16, 2016, 07:02:26 AM »
I think she just may be chatting with other guys. Why not? They are not in a relationship and she is probably sorting through all the guys interested in her just like any other guy would do. Nothing wrong with that.

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Offline BillyB

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Re: communication question
« Reply #13 on: August 16, 2016, 09:38:43 AM »
You guys just don't get it.   Especially you married guys.  If the girl is into you, you will know it.  She will move heaven and earth to be with you. 


What has the man in question done for this lady to inspire her to move heaven and earth for him? They've communicated with each other for two weeks and no woman should move heaven an earth for a guy that's that far into a relationship that hasn't happened yet. She made it to every other Skype session. That should mean something to him. What he should focus on was the times she did talk to him. Was it quality time? Did they grow more fond of each other compared to the last time. Was she into him? If there was quality time, fondness grew and she was into him, he should proceed to visit her and shouldn't get angry over missed Skype sessions. If things didn't go well on the previous Skype sessions, then he can correctly assume he's not important enough for her to meet on Skype anymore. Maybe He can let Larry can let us know his thoughts on the previous Skype sessions so we can give him better advice?

One thing I don't agree on is him committing to visit so soon. A guy should have more communication with a lady to better understand her before making a decision to visit.
Fund the audits, spread the word and educate people, write your politicians and other elected officials. Stay active in the fight to save our country. Over 220 generals and admirals say we are in a fight for our survival like no other time since 1776.

Offline Larry1

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Re: communication question
« Reply #14 on: August 16, 2016, 11:22:29 AM »
Recent interaction:

 guy: do you want to talk soon?
[8/15/2016 12:38:00 PM] girl: yes) after 30 min
[8/15/2016 12:38:16 PM]guy: sure, talk to you then!
[8/15/2016 1:15:22 PM] girl: wait 10 min
[8/15/2016 1:15:42 PM] guy: Ok
[8/15/2016 1:45:12 PM] *** Missed call from girl. ***
[8/15/2016 1:45:40 PM] girl: are u here? sorry-i wasa little busy
[8/15/2016 11:50:59 PM] girl: hi)i think it is good that we hadnt time speak yesterday-couse today i woke up early(for Church) hope we speak today at 10pm,dont offence on me))

Offline BillyB

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Re: communication question
« Reply #15 on: August 16, 2016, 12:09:21 PM »
,dont offence on me))


I guess she meant "Don't get mad at me.))" She did apologize in a previous message. She understands she caused the guy inconvenience and apologized. That a plus for her. Hopefully being late or a no show isn't normal for her. Time will tell.

I understand when women don't show up to their scheduled Skype meetings or pick up the phone, it causes men anxiety. Thoughts start running through their heads she's disrespectful or out banging boyfriend #4.
Fund the audits, spread the word and educate people, write your politicians and other elected officials. Stay active in the fight to save our country. Over 220 generals and admirals say we are in a fight for our survival like no other time since 1776.

Offline Nightwish

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Re: communication question
« Reply #16 on: August 16, 2016, 12:53:53 PM »
I guess she meant "Don't get mad at me.))" She did apologize in a previous message. She understands she caused the guy inconvenience and apologized. That a plus for her. Hopefully being late or a no show isn't normal for her. Time will tell.

I understand when women don't show up to their scheduled Skype meetings or pick up the phone, it causes men anxiety. Thoughts start running through their heads she's disrespectful or out banging boyfriend #4.
What kind of women do you meet, all women are always on time.. their own time  ;D

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Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: communication question
« Reply #17 on: August 16, 2016, 01:36:10 PM »
One thing I don't agree on is him committing to visit so soon. A guy should have more communication with a lady to better understand her before making a decision to visit.

I agree I probably went with my first one too soon after 3 skype sessions, she seemed thrilled by the prospect so I though why risk losing out to another guy. I don't regret it as such, she was a nice friendly girl even if her motives now seem suspect. Plus gaining experience (on a realistic chance, not just sillyness) is important also in this search, I've found that finding out about the culture of the FSU and how you feel when you are there is important. Still though if going from the US it could likely come at a high price depending on income. I think he should hold of on visit to test her, if she goes off then visit would likely have not brought up a result, my thoughts anyway.
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Offline Larry1

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Re: communication question - last communication
« Reply #18 on: August 16, 2016, 03:37:21 PM »
All of these messages were from the girl, after the guy had logged off skype:

[12:24:06 PM] and i alittle offence on you-why u dissapeared so quickly yesterday?
[1:14:44 PM] are u here?
[1:14:57 PM] i am ready to talk
[1:41:53 PM] u know-real man will not take offense on woman of such trifle

Offline LAman

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Re: communication question - last communication
« Reply #19 on: August 16, 2016, 04:13:37 PM »
All of these messages were from the girl, after the guy had logged off skype:

[12:24:06 PM] and i alittle offence on you-why u dissapeared so quickly yesterday?
[1:14:44 PM] are u here?
[1:14:57 PM] i am ready to talk
[1:41:53 PM] u know-real man will not take offense on woman of such trifle

Larry, your silent friend is a weenie. Sounds like the 'communication' problem is from HIS side.
You didn't post any comments from your silent friend, so I am assuming he hasn't wrote back this girl, which his main problem if true. It must be known to both parties when it is and when it is not good time to chat. Communicating an explanation would be nice. ex. I need to get back to work, hopefully we can speak tomorrow at xxx time.

BTW- why aren't they speaking on viber or WhatsApp.... where there is no log off, you see messages in real time.
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Offline Larry1

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Re: communication question - last communication
« Reply #20 on: August 16, 2016, 04:31:30 PM »

You didn't post any comments from your silent friend, so I am assuming he hasn't wrote back this girl

BTW- why aren't they speaking on viber or WhatsApp.... where there is no log off, you see messages in real time.

1. He did not respond bc he had gone to bed. 

2. I don't know.

Offline LiveFromUkraine

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Re: communication question - last communication
« Reply #21 on: August 16, 2016, 04:33:16 PM »
1. He did not respond bc he had gone to bed. 

2. I don't know.


Did he give her some attitude for missing that call?  It almost sounds like he did for her to respond that way.   The "real man" comment is a red flag if he just logged off (without an attitude) after she missed the call.
« Last Edit: August 16, 2016, 04:35:18 PM by LiveFromUkraine »

Offline Larry1

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Re: communication question
« Reply #22 on: August 16, 2016, 04:54:55 PM »
he read the latest posts and responded:

"the interactions are complete, with no gaps - everything the guy wrote and the girl wrote is there and in sequence"

Offline Gator

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Re: communication question
« Reply #23 on: August 16, 2016, 05:08:17 PM »
You guys just don't get it.   Especially you married guys.  If the girl is into you, you will know it. 

True, after you have spent time together, been intimate, met the family, ......These two have never met, so maybe she was not ready to drop a more pressing issue to have a conversation with him.  However, she does owe him an explanation.  In the future, circumstances may compel him to miss a call she was expecting. 

He should answer her last communication with:  "I did not take offence.  Please recognize I have many business demands for my limited time.  You also have demands.  We both are busy, and maybe we should not talk every day.   I am available Friday at 8:00 your time.  Hope to hear from you.  Let me know."

If she calls, use it as an opportunity to discuss time management and commitment.   Going WOVO requires time management and commitment.

Offline JayH

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Re: communication question
« Reply #24 on: August 16, 2016, 05:09:57 PM »
Hey Larry-- looks like the weight of forum opinion agrees with me!!!
Guy is being ridiculously over sensitive!

Specifically to note--this is only in very formative stage of contact--not an established RELATIONSHIP.
Communications from a distance can have many hazards--being too presumptuous is not going to help anyone.

On time in general in Ukraine-- I have been to literally many 100's of meetings-- with girls,friends,business etc .I am very punctual and plan time to get to any meeting- and would say I was there at appointed time 95% of the the time.On the other hand-I would guess that only 10% of people I was meeting were on time( a fair % there not too far away) .It is/was not unusual to have someone arrive 30 minutes late-- and even 1 hour. Often there were texts or calls doing updates--but also nothing.
I have left venue only to get a call"where are you"? !!
I am sure others have experience of "Ukraine time "!!
SLAVA UKRAYINI  ! HEROYAM SLAVA!!!!
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 translated as: Glory to Ukraine! Glory to the heroes!!!  is a Ukrainian greeting slogan being used now all over Ukraine to signify support for a free independent Ukraine

 

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