Russian Women Discussion

RWD Discussion Groups => Experienced => Topic started by: cranehand on August 01, 2010, 05:21:56 PM

Title: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: cranehand on August 01, 2010, 05:21:56 PM
9 days to go and I will jump that big ol silver bird and fly.  I have cleaned and cleaned all the clothes are on hangers, new shower curtains in place, the dust bunnies are in the dyson and I have put food in the freezer.  Momma she is coming home :couple:.  K1 docs all accounted for, I dare the IO to ask for something. LOL.......... people I am so ready for this.  The heat there ( Kherson) has been comparable to the south Texas July weather so she is getting conditioned to the heat and humidity, she is a very sweet woman I hope she does not melt, guess I better change the filter on the AC :)

Any other suggestions?
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: acctBill on August 01, 2010, 05:47:45 PM
1. How about food that she is use to eating or at least a list of local shops that sell Ukrainian/Russian food. 
2. Maps of the area so she can find her way around the city when you are at work or otherwise occupied.
3. Her own set of keys for the house/apartment.
4. Cell phone for her own use.
5. Take her on a couple of drives around the city and neighbourhood so she knows where supermarket, malls, convenience store etc. are located.
6. Be prepared she'll want to change things or buy things for the house once she's had time to look around the house.
7. Made room for her belongings that she might be shipping from Kherson.
8. Russian/Ukrainian TV or radio or Internet ready. 

undoubtedly lots more.  Good luck and best wishes for a happy life together.   
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: ECOCKS on August 01, 2010, 06:25:40 PM
Things to while away your time.....

1. Main showerhead replacement with a handheld spray head on flextubing.
2. Bench in the foyer to change and store shoes.
3. Water filter.
4. Generous selection of teas, green and black.
5. An espresso machine for the kitchen or main bedroom.
6. Be sure the central AC vent doesn't blow on her side of the bed, maybe consider a deflector.
7. New mats at front, back and garage doors for wiping feet.
8. Some flower vases strategically located (kitchen, dining table, den and bedroom) and filled by a trusted buddy the morning before you arrive back home.
9. Ibuprofen in your pocket for the trip, taken by both of you just before plane lands and you begin the baggage, Customs and drive home scenario.
10. Where you taking her for your first American dinner OR what are you planning on cooking? (Hints: * Salmon, whether you cook it over a fire or take her to Outback works pretty well. * Also, don't overwhelm her with a welcome party or family and friends the first evening.)

Good luck!
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Shostakovich on August 01, 2010, 07:28:05 PM
Interesting suggestions. 

Espresso machine in the bedroom? 

If childless, I've always thought that one very important thing was to have limited employment or volunteer work lined up for her when she arrives.  I know one K-1 that went South because the girl went stir crazy in the first month without anything to do except clean the house and try to fix a meal. 

Also, could be handy to have a credit card ready for her. 

Too, making acquaintance with a few Russian speaking people in the area beforehand will allow you to schedule an evening or two and give her the opportunity to speak once in a while in her own language.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: ECOCKS on August 01, 2010, 08:48:18 PM

Espresso machine in the bedroom? 


Also, could be handy to have a credit card ready for her. 

Too, making acquaintance with a few Russian speaking people in the area beforehand will allow you to schedule an evening or two and give her the opportunity to speak once in a while in her own language.

I've had a coffeemaker in my bedroom or master bedroom bath for the last 20 years so an espresso machine is nothing out of the ordinary for my life.

It will probably be difficult to get her a credit card until she has her passport at hand and can sign the papers. An ATM card with Visa capability was fine for my wife.

Although opinions are mixed, I'm one of those not in favor of hunting out FSU "friends" for her. If she wants them she'll make it known but, aside from the negative effect on her language and potentially on her assimilation overall, better to let her get her feet on the ground and determine her own way IMO.

Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: I/O on August 01, 2010, 10:40:50 PM
I dare the IO to ask for something.
Seeing as my name was mentioned with such reverence, :P I'll ask for nothing but I'll "tell" you to forget the A/C, she won't melt, she'll grizzle like hell about getting sick because of the freezing A/C and ...................................As for all the rest of it, you're pretty much wasting your time, we all did, but it does salve ones conscience to an extent. :rolleyes2:

Unromantic though it may be, within a week, sit her down and set out a family budget. Make sure she has her own money to do with as she pleases. Ideally, set up a bank account for her and regularly transfer whatever her initial allowance is into it. Her money should be quite separate from family and or your expense accounts. Nevertheless, for the first week or 3, give her an allowance in cash, regularly, on the same day or every day or whatever you decide. In the first instance, cash is real, cards are not but that will change quickly enough.

To share something very personal and something I respect Mrs I/O very much for, I've often overheard her chatting with RW friends who have no such freedom/s with allowances, cars etc and she always says I/O gives me such and such every week but I know if I need anything extra he will never refuse me. That gives me some satisfaction she feels confident, secure  and relaxed which I think is very important but the most interesting thing is that even today, if she decides to draw even as little as $100 out of the family account she calls me for prior approval. I rouse on her and point out she doesn't need to ask, her response? "I like to". I firmly believe this is a result of us sitting down over excel very early on and putting everything on the table / screen.

You'll need to a be a good husband, lover, friend, companion and so forth but above almost all, you'll need to be a good and careful, if very sensitive, manager. Get Skype or some suitable VoIP well set up with a good Handset / Headset / Webcam etc, insist she calls home every day And................give her private time to do just that without you hanging around.  
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Makkin on August 01, 2010, 11:23:06 PM


  That was really good advice I/O.....Very good...
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: ECOCKS on August 01, 2010, 11:56:59 PM
LOL - just ignore the BS stuff and work your little projects Crane. They'll occupy you and get you to flight time.

You've put a good deal of effort into getting this far, you're gonna be fine.

Just remember, DEEP BREATHS!

Let us know how it goes and best of luck!
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Brianinaz on August 02, 2010, 12:35:09 AM
I will echo what IO said about Skype. Make sure moma has a computer, internet service for the flat and knows how to use it. The ability to see and speak with the family back home daily is IMO invaluable.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: viking on August 02, 2010, 07:59:41 AM
Some very good advice has been posted here. From my own experience with Mrs. Viking....take it slow. She didnt even unpack for a week or so. She still hasn't met most of my friends because  "my english is not so good". I think it is but if she is going to be uncomfortable then my friends can just wait. I really didn't bother about making the house super clean. I always kept a neat home and that is what she had when she arrived. It took a few months before she started to feel comfortable enough to make some changes. Communication is key with people back home. Skype and an international calling plan on my phone was important.

Every woman is different. Just dont push your agenda. I disagree with I/O about financails. For the first few weeks we just got to know each other better. Took some trips around town. Some trips to the city. A lot of walking and relaxing. As she became more acclimated and we started to do some shopping together, then we gradually got into the mony talks. All she wanted was $5 a week. That was it. Just in case she wanted to buy some fruit on the way home from school. I offered more but that was all she wanted or needed. she was more concerned that her mother, on a pension and living alone, was able to get along without her salary. So money went in that direction. Everyone is different.

As far as I am concerned, all this about where is the coffee pot or the type of shower head in the bath is really not important. If she wants to change anything she will tell you...if you both have the ability to openly talk about anything. THAT is most important.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Gator on August 02, 2010, 08:03:19 AM
Skype, skype, skype....

The RW who visited me here talked to her family almost every day.  She would reach out and touch their cheeks on the screen.

Russian TV.....

I always miss the news when traveling, although in recent years Russian cable has BBC.  Does this help or delay an English-limited RW to improve her English?  If homesick, learning English would be difficult.

Espresso in the bedroom?

Kick her ass out of bed and tell her to go to the kitchen and bring your coffee and newspaper.  :D
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Faux Pas on August 02, 2010, 09:03:44 AM
9 days to go and I will jump that big ol silver bird and fly.  I have cleaned and cleaned all the clothes are on hangers, new shower curtains in place, the dust bunnies are in the dyson

Any other suggestions?

That's probably not going to matter much. Likely, it still won't be clean enough for her. I've always kept a pretty clean house but after my wife's first week, we were washing walls, floors, curtains, blinds, you name it, it got washed.

Lots of good info so far on this thread. I would especially point out what ECOCKS posted about the flextube shower head, as he pointed out to me early on. My wife was having a difficult time explaining to me what she was needing, more specifically during a particular time of the month. The flexible shower head solved that problem.

You might also want to take her some place to buy new bed linen and pillows. I had a few sets and some pretty comfy pillows but none were acceptable.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: tim 360 on August 02, 2010, 09:36:11 AM
That's probably not going to matter much. Likely, it still won't be clean enough for her. I've always kept a pretty clean house but after my wife's first week, we were washing walls, floors, curtains, blinds, you name it, it got washed.

/quote]

A friend from Kiev helped me organize my office at home.  We were just going to organize some paperwork and computer stuff, instead she turned the place upside down and cleaned it while organizing.  After that she decided the whole house needed organizing, which included top-to-bottom detail cleaning of the entire house.  Talk about spotless.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: GQBlues on August 02, 2010, 10:21:31 AM
You've gotten pretty much a lot of things from everyone here. While my case was a bit different than everyone else since I petitioned her entire family literally so they can attend our wedding, and they stayed with us for about a month. They came within 2 weeks after she arrived. But the core of my wife's adjustment wish list fell upon within most of what the people here stated.

While it isn't true for every newly-arrived FSUWs, food was a big deal with my wife's first adjustment period. Good tea is also a must as she rarely drinks coffee. This (http://www.lupiciausa.com/) is a good place to get a nice variety.

My wife relied on TV subtitles. Annoying as that will be for you, it's a good tool for her to help with her language adjustment.

We gave webcams to each of her family members before they left to take back with them to ease with their respective adjustments.

I've never taken the bus in and around our city since I was still a kid, but took a couple of days with my wife and rode the bus routes so we can both be educated with its system. It proved to be a gem in our case when I got back on my normal work schedule.

Ross and Marshalls were a huge time consumer and entertainment for my wife, Mumski and her sisters while they were here. They all disliked Nordstrom as they thought it was ridiculously priced.

Most importantly, if possible, the single biggest aid was to take as much time off from your work as possible during her first days and weeks.

I bought  this book (http://www.russianwomenmagazine.com/transition/welcome.htm) as I thought there will be things in there that she may find useful that I will either neglect to go over with her, or even forget. I also bought a much shorter version, yet much more personally wriiten by one RW I had high respect for. Her name is Liddy Johnson, IIRC. She used to post at the old RWG and went by the name 'Lizzy'. That actually was the one my wife read and liked better. I'm not sure if she's still around however. Both were written in Russian and English.

The beach helped a great deal for me. She spent a lot of time there during the times I had to go to work as well.

Anyway, that should be a good base for the first 2 months or so.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: ECOCKS on August 02, 2010, 10:52:32 AM
Just a reminder, but the OP didn't ask about what to do after she got here.

He stated he was going crazy waiting these last few days and asked for suggestions on whiling away the time before his flight to prepare for her arrival.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Faux Pas on August 02, 2010, 10:55:14 AM
Just a reminder, but the OP didn't ask about what to do after she got here.

He stated he was going crazy waiting these last few days and asked for suggestions on whiling away the time before his flight to prepare for her arrival.

ECOCKS, they're mutually inclusive. There is much he can do to bide his time all in preparing for her arrival. Once he steps on that plane to head East upon returning, she will be with him.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: ECOCKS on August 02, 2010, 11:06:40 AM
ECOCKS, they're mutually inclusive. There is much he can do to bide his time all in preparing for her arrival. Once he steps on that plane to head East upon returning, she will be with him.

I disagree. His request was simple. Sitting and planning out a major financial discussion or selecting which friends she can instantly make based on them speaking the same language will drive him even closer to "Freaksville".

Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Shadow on August 02, 2010, 11:18:32 AM
Look at the house through the eyes of a woman.
You will spend the next 9 days cleaning again and it will not be enough. :evil:
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: GQBlues on August 02, 2010, 02:36:24 PM
Look at the house through the eyes of a woman. You will spend the next 9 days cleaning again and it will not be enough. :evil:

I agree with you there Shadow as I thought about the same thing before. Why clean the house? It's useless...leave as-is and as dirty as you can to make sure she'll have plenty of things to do with her time when she arrive and while the man is at work. Besides, keeping her busy will also keep her from being 'homesick'.

win-win...  :P
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Gator on August 02, 2010, 04:41:06 PM
I agree with you there Shadow as I thought about the same thing before. Why clean the house? It's useless...leave as-is and as dirty as you can to make sure she'll have plenty of things to do with her time when she arrive and while the man is at work. Besides, keeping her busy will also keep her from being 'homesick'.


A Russian woman cleaning a house in full grind and top gear!!! :whirling:

They clean very well.  And while cleaning they don't stop to examine "clutter" (i. e., your "stuff") before they put it out of sight.  You will be missing some "stuff" for a long time.  :D So store away carefully anything that is important.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: cranehand on August 02, 2010, 06:20:42 PM
Thank you people,

There are some great suggestions  here.  Lots of stuff I really didn't think about. 

I did change the shower head 8)
our public trans system here is just to far out of the way.  She says where we will live looks like a village :)  so we will spend a few days driving around to get her bearings, then I will start her driving :hairraising:
She says we will clean the house together ;D so do not worry about it.
ESL classes in near future
Allowence? not sure about that 1 yet.
Taking time off from work to spend the first few days or maybe a week with her.

I have lived alone for the past 2 years but I am truly looking forward to coming home to her ever day from work and living as her King.  I can not believe we are almost done with the K1, I will be very glad to be by her to work on the AOS and all the other hoops USCIS will make us jump through. 

Thanks for the support :)
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Blues Fairy on August 02, 2010, 07:42:12 PM
Allowence? not sure about that 1 yet.
I am truly looking forward to coming home to her ever day from work and living as her King.

 :o :o :o
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Gator on August 02, 2010, 07:58:17 PM

:o :o :o


 :D

Come on.....Cranehand says he is freaking out! 


Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Rutherford on August 02, 2010, 09:39:01 PM
porridge, take her to natural  food store for unlimited kinds of
porridge .      YES on the extended hose  shower head thing .  The AC is a real  battle  , takes a year for her to get used to 78F.
One day I came home and found her enjoying  90F   inside , OMFG !!!!!!,  I explaind to her , WE are  RICH , we do not live in village , rich people have AC  , we are rich , (compared to life in Russia , we are ) .             Expect   the  first year  to be  difficult  with  the year ending with more in common  , having ironed out  some differences of the 2 cultures . My wife love her Russian fashion show and health  show in the morning  and "Lets Marry " on in the afternoon , helps to keep her sane , I guess , so get her Russian TV  using Direst TV , they have 5 channels

Be ready fore this ,  the questions  , OMG , soooo many .    You know how someone will ask a question because they are missing a piece to the puzzle , well , with RW , they are missing the entire   puzzle, be prepared to answer questions with COMPLETE answers  , she will need the entire picture , not just a missing piece .   Take her to buffet   type restaurants    , I promise she will love them . Introduce  her to your favorite  fun foods , like graham  crackers and other sweets .
She will be like a child  at Disney land , maybe .

Now , if you have to teach her to drive  , oh my , lol
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: wiz on August 02, 2010, 10:23:46 PM
Don't forget the Skype connection..... make sure it works in both ends before she comes..........very important as others pointed out!

Now that you heard so many good suggestions take a sit, relax and get ready.

When she comes..... she will take care of everything......she will build her own nest ....... and be sure that she will learn fast, where to find to buy the best cheapest stuff!

Don't forget to have plenty of sweets (confeti) for her tea!  ;)

Finally remember what groovisk said many moons ago:

"I had patience, rivers of patience, ocean of patience and still fell short......"

Good luck.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Boogalter on August 02, 2010, 10:58:36 PM
They have a replica 1800's Ukrainian Village  in Alberta Canada. I thought it would so cruel if you brought a women from Russia/Ukraine and state this is our home.

I think much of the prep work can be done before hand.
Every major city has a Russian culture website and it is important that they go there for the forum to know which shampoo is closest to home, soap (she is not going to use your Irish Spring), Feminine Hygiene products and so on. Look in your city for a Doctor/Dentist that can speak her language.

Don't forget to go to Costco and buy 10 gallon jar of Mayonnaise.  :P
I was going to build bunk beds in the dog house when MIL arrives.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Boethius on August 02, 2010, 11:19:12 PM
They have a replica 1800's Ukrainian Village  in Alberta Canada. I thought it would so cruel if you brought a women from Russia/Ukraine and state this is our home.

Actually, it's not a replica of a Ukrainian village.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Faux Pas on August 03, 2010, 05:12:17 AM

Allowence? not sure about that 1 yet.
Taking time off from work to spend the first few days or maybe a week with her.



I didn't do the allowance thing either. I gave her a credit card and about $100 bucks cash sometime within the first week. Going forward I would periodically ask her how much cash she had and make sure she had about $100 at all times. She's been pretty tight fisted with both the cash and the CC. She spends and shops regularly with my daughter. If she wants something she buys it. She's a professional shopper in most sense of the word but she very thrifty. I believe in giving her all the lead way she needs without making her feel like a child on allowance. If you worry about what she might spend set a low limit on the CC
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: groovlstk on August 03, 2010, 06:38:37 AM

Finally remember what groovisk said many moons ago:

"I had patience, rivers of patience, ocean of patience and still fell short......"

Good luck.

LOL Wiz, we're coming up on 4 years and that statement still applies from time to time, although my perspective is broad enough now to understand that my wife can lay claim to the very same words.

In retrospect, much of the work I did to prepare for my wife's arrival (cleaning, fixing, researching) were more or less irrelevant, but served to keep me busy and occupied and, most importantly, gave me reassurance that I was doing everything within my power to make things as easy as possible for us (not her or not me, but us).

The most important elements to have are love and patience - without either of these, you can pave the street from the airport to your home with gold and things will still turn sour pretty quickly.

Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Boogalter on August 03, 2010, 07:32:19 AM
Actually, it's not a replica of a Ukrainian village.

http://culture.alberta.ca/museums/historicsiteslisting/ukrainianvillage/default.aspx

Visit this multi award-winning provincial historic site showcasing Ukrainian settlement in East Central Alberta (1892 – 1930). Be a time traveler and interact with costumed role players portraying real-life Ukrainian pioneers. Explore more than 30 historic buildings including three churches of Eastern Byzantine Rite, a fully-functioning grain elevator, blacksmith shop and burdei (sod hut). Sample traditional food and visit our gift shop. Numerous special events.

There's something for everyone at the Ukrainian Cultural Heritage Village,  located 25 minutes or 50 km (30 miles) east of Edmonton on Highway 16, just 3 km (1.8 miles) east of Elk Island National Park.


Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Boethius on August 03, 2010, 07:43:15 AM
Have you ever been there, Booghalter?

I have.  It's not a Ukrainian village.  It is a period museum intended to demonstrate the life of early Ukrainian settlers in Canada.  There are a few houses there, located because of their historical significance, not because they represent a Ukrainian village.  
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Blues Fairy on August 03, 2010, 08:38:27 AM
"I had patience, rivers of patience, ocean of patience and still fell short......"

Wouldn't that mean that some important limits haven't been set from the start, as they should have been?
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: kievstar on August 03, 2010, 09:36:46 AM
All good advise above but every woman is different.  Some drink tea, some drink coffee, and some drink both.

Expect to save money on air conditioning bill - expect to pay more on heat bill in winter.

If you have money buy new bed and sheets with her - throw the other one out. 

Shower is good advise.

One thing important make sure she has an international driving license before you leave her country.  Makes driving a lot easier in your country.  Having a car and her license where she can drive day 1 helped my wife a lot. 
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: wiz on August 03, 2010, 12:06:08 PM
Wouldn't that mean that some important limits haven't been set from the start, as they should have been?

What important limits should I have set right from the start?

Could you please expand and give me some examples?

Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Gator on August 03, 2010, 01:42:31 PM
Have you ever been there, Booghalter?

I have.  It's not a Ukrainian village...  

Pardon my mincing.

Yes, it is Alberta, not Ukraine.  The people probably walk around speaking English.  However, the Alberta government calls it a "Ukrainian Cultural Heritage Village."  What's missing?  What prevents it from being a replica? 

What's the difference between the Alberta replica and the reassembled buildings in the park outside Kiev?  Neither is a village in that nobody ever lived in the buildings where currently situated.

We have a replica of the Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas and another in Disney World.  Of course, they are not the official 19thC Eiffel Tower, and don't really capture it, yet they are still a replica albeit weak examples.

In Ukraine, I heard a band sing Hotel California.  The band was not the Eagles; yet they were not bad.  The song was still Hotel California in my opinion, even if they mispronounced some words.

Could not Booghalter's little joke still work?  By the way, WTF is a booghalter. :)
 
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Faux Pas on August 03, 2010, 01:44:53 PM
Pardon my mincing.

Yes, it is Alberta, not Ukraine.  The people probably walk around speaking English.  However, the Alberta government calls it a "Ukrainian Cultural Heritage Village."  What's missing?  What prevents it from being a replica? 

What's the difference between the Alberta replica and the reassembled buildings in the park outside Kiev?  Neither is a village in that nobody ever lived in the buildings where currently situated.

We have a replica of the Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas and another in Disney World.  Of course, they are not the official 19thC Eiffel Tower, and don't really capture it, yet they are still a replica albeit weak examples.

In Ukraine, I heard a band sing Hotel California.  The band was not the Eagles; yet they were not bad.  The song was still Hotel California in my opinion, even if they mispronounced some words.

Could not Booghalter's little joke still work?  By the way, WTF is a booghalter. :)
 


German for bookkeeper I read
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Blues Fairy on August 03, 2010, 01:48:56 PM
What important limits should I have set right from the start?  Could you please expand and give me some examples?

Why so defensive?  You were quoting groovlstk and I was referring to the quote; a purely abstract example.  

If one says that oceans of patience were not enough in dealing with a new spouse, that would logically mean that the said spouse frequently overstepped the limits that should have been set firmly at the start.  The nature of the limits is in direct correlation with the nature of the behaviors which require so much patience to endure/correct.  
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Gator on August 03, 2010, 02:02:41 PM
German for bookkeeper I read

That explains it - a lawyer and an accountant quibbling.  Will it erupt into caviling?  ;)
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Gator on August 03, 2010, 02:13:37 PM
....If one says that oceans of patience were not enough in dealing with a new spouse, that would logically mean that the said spouse frequently overstepped the limits that should have been set firmly at the start.....   

Hah!   A good one.  Your logic makes sense, yet who could establish a comprehensive set of limits for everything that two spouses can do as individuals or as a couple?!

What man would write down "Don't put dish liquid soap in the dishwasher?"  When she does and the kitchen has bubbles above the counter tops, some patience is required as well as a good laugh and a helping hand to clean the mess.

Love conquers all.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: wiz on August 03, 2010, 02:18:16 PM
Why so defensive?  You were quoting groovlstk and I was referring to the quote; a purely abstract example.  
If one says that oceans of patience were not enough in dealing with a new spouse, that would logically mean that the said spouse frequently overstepped the limits that should have been set firmly at the start.  The nature of the limits is in direct correlation with the nature of the behaviors which require so much patience to endure/correct.  

Not defensive but curious why you posted in a such way the comment to look that was mine....... now you have clear it, so thanks for that.

When you start living together with another person and especially from another culture with who have spent only some time and not years together, it is natural to have many misunderstandings, especially because of language, during the adaptation period.

Some Russian women adapt quickly and some take much longer therefore a certain period is necessary during which both must have alot of patience.

I can't see how from the start you can put certain limitations on behaviour, that happens only as you get to know each other and both have better understanding of the other person!

Do you really think this period is an easy one for both partners?

Yes Gator

Without real love you will never conquer anything!

3 years and still going strong...... despite some bad weather on the trip!  :D
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Boethius on August 03, 2010, 02:21:48 PM
It's not a village, Gator.  It's more of a heritage park.  There are 3 houses, from the 1930's, and all are of historical significance, as they belonged to the first Ukrainian immigrants to Canada, and an example of a  "sod house", which was often the first home built if settlers arrived in late fall.   There are also churches, a general store, and a livery, all replicas of businesses owned by Ukrainian settlers.  Even the animals are specially bred to the period.

The architectural museum in Kyiv has examples of the types of homes Ukrainians traditionally lived in, based on various regions.  That's not the intent of the Ukrainian Cultural Heritage Village. 

Ukrainians settled Alberta's central northeast.  The intent of the Ukrainian Cultural Heritage Village is partly to preserve some of that history.  It's a Canadian history, not a Ukrainian history.  Unlike Ukraine, there was no one "type" of house Canadian Ukrainians lived in, so, unlike Kyiv's architectural museum, the intent to demonstrate a "typical" home is not present.  BTW, the 3 houses there are pretty nice.  
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: groovlstk on August 03, 2010, 02:39:40 PM
Wouldn't that mean that some important limits haven't been set from the start, as they should have been?

 :cluebat:

This quote was taken out of context (as it has several times over the last few years) but if you guys want to debate it, knock yourselves out - just remove my name from the discussion, please.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Blues Fairy on August 03, 2010, 02:52:03 PM
Hah!   A good one.  Your logic makes sense, yet who could establish a comprehensive set of limits for everything that two spouses can do as individuals or as a couple?!

What man would write down "Don't put dish liquid soap in the dishwasher?"  When she does and the kitchen has bubbles above the counter tops, some patience is required as well as a good laugh and a helping hand to clean the mess.

Each one has his/her own limits as to how much one can take.  Liquid soap in dishwasher is a minor thing; not knowing how to jump the car is a minor thing.  Continuous failure to jump the car and otherwise helpless attitude towards life might be something that would be over some people's limit of patience.  Of others who tend to overextend their limits of patience (or are unable to define them), it would require "oceans of patience".   ;D  

Sorry groovlstk but the quote is just so good, I'm willing to remove your name from it if it inconveniences you; here, crossed you out.   :D
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Gator on August 03, 2010, 03:49:04 PM
Blues Fairy,

I think I understand your point.   

BTW, I believe the new RW bride must also have a lot of patience,perhaps more than the man.  She is trying to function in a new land where everything is strange.  She is surrounded by strangers; her man may even be somewhat of a stranger to her.  There is so much new  to learn while satisfying the new  "King"  ;D in her life.  It happens so fast.  This has to be frustrating and at times even lonely.  She has more to lose than the man.     Hopefully there are moments which make her feel like a "Queen."

Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: SANDRO43 on August 03, 2010, 04:41:54 PM
In Ukraine, I heard a band sing Hotel California.  The band was not the Eagles; yet they were not bad.  The song was still Hotel California in my opinion, even if they mispronounced some words.
Same group that played in Laos earlier ;D?

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Goj3RGld4mI[/youtube]

Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Boogalter on August 03, 2010, 05:32:17 PM
Have you ever been there, Booghalter?

I have.  It's not a Ukrainian village.  It is a period museum intended to demonstrate the life of early Ukrainian settlers in Canada.  There are a few houses there, located because of their historical significance, not because they represent a Ukrainian village.  

AKA AS PER THE FIRST POST, A REPLICA.
 :cluebat:

Yes, I have been there.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Boethius on August 03, 2010, 05:43:27 PM
It's not a replica.  Two of the homes were not in villages, but on homesteads.   So, unless they are sitting surrounded by a quarter section, they are not "replicas".  Furthermore, they are the original homes, restored to their original "splendor".

Apparently, you didn't learn much in visiting.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Gator on August 03, 2010, 07:12:32 PM
Same group that played in Laos earlier ;D?

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Goj3RGld4mI[/youtube]


Great film.  Reminded me of some oddbirds I would occasionally encounter in SE Asia.  That background song is "Horse With No Name," not "Hotel California."  The Laotian duo is as close to America as the Yalta group was to the Eagles.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Boogalter on August 03, 2010, 08:38:39 PM
http://tapor.ualberta.ca/heritagevillage/menu1.php
Here is the website and it is both in English and Ukrainian. It is an interesting view.

People can interpret what they want. I am not going to hijack this thread. I see village with 30 buildings and it is called a village, you see only three homes and majority of them from homesteads. I see many traditional styled Ukrainian homes, you see western homes.



BTW Boogalter is бухгалтер = Russian for accountant.

German is close Buchhalter (looked up)
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: OlgaH on August 03, 2010, 08:46:38 PM
BTW Boogalter is бухгалтер = Russian for accountant.

came from German Buchhalter as бюстгальтер from Büstenhalter
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Steamer on August 03, 2010, 09:54:12 PM
.....and if you happen to live in a city smaller than say Chicago, get ready for her to call it a village.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Boethius on August 03, 2010, 11:43:19 PM
http://tapor.ualberta.ca/heritagevillage/menu1.php
Here is the website and it is both in English and Ukrainian. It is an interesting view.

People can interpret what they want. I am not going to hijack this thread. I see village with 30 buildings and it is called a village, you see only three homes and majority of them from homesteads. I see many traditional styled Ukrainian homes, you see western homes.



BTW Boogalter is бухгалтер = Russian for accountant.

German is close Buchhalter (looked up)


You obviously have not been there.  I suspect the only other person on this forum who may have been there is Misha.


cranehead, listen carefully, really listen, to what she wants.  Everything will work out in the end.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: cranehand on August 04, 2010, 03:54:57 PM
Man this thread has kind of taken off,  I like it. 
thanks everyone for all the input. The experience here is priceless :thumbsup:

And yes most of all I will do my best to make her feel like my queen.  I will have a friend come by the house and arrange a nice welcome home surprise for her,  I can not wait to see the look on her face when she walks through the door for the first time. :flowers:

I know she is scared and she will be on edge here for some time.  She has only once been outside of Ukraine and that was our trip to Egypt.  This is a GIANT leape of faith on her part.  I love her very much and want us to accomplish all of our dreams of family and success together. 

It will be a bit rough at first, but I am confident in our abillity to overcome all issues together.  She has put her heart and trust in me to do as I say.  I will NOT drop that ball.

7 days and I will be holding her in my arms, and this time I will not leave Ukraine without her :) I can see the light at the end of this first tunnell
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: ECOCKS on August 04, 2010, 04:18:19 PM
You're going to be fine bud.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: cranehand on August 04, 2010, 05:19:37 PM
Ok I was just thinking about her going away party. 


I need some good toast's, Please.......
 last time I was a little surprised that everyone looked at me to start the toast. I was at a loss for words:(  I better make it memorable :)) this time. 
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: ECOCKS on August 04, 2010, 05:25:15 PM

Unlike our culture the toast is taken a bit more seriously and you shouldn't think they will excuse you for a quick one if it gets them to the vodka sooner.

Mention health, wealth and happiness, the dreams you both have and you'll be hit!

Oh, and maybe line up a trusted family member to translate for you.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: LEGAL on August 04, 2010, 05:35:53 PM
nazdarovya
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Boogalter on August 04, 2010, 09:03:10 PM
You obviously have not been there.  I suspect the only other person on this forum who may have been there is Misha.


cranehead, listen carefully, really listen, to what she wants.  Everything will work out in the end.

Listen, I live in Alberta, I was raised in Alberta and lived in almost every corner of this province except the Hat region, my heritage is from this province, and my parents are only 45 minutes away from there. I have been there more times than you.


Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: acctBill on August 04, 2010, 09:12:57 PM
Ok I was just thinking about her going away party. 


I need some good toast's, Please.......
 last time I was a little surprised that everyone looked at me to start the toast. I was at a loss for words:(  I better make it memorable :)) this time. 

A couple of good and appropriate toasts:
 
To love
За любовь - za lyoo-bov

To happiness 
За счастье - za schast-ye
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Boethius on August 04, 2010, 09:59:49 PM
Listen, I live in Alberta, I was raised in Alberta and lived in almost every corner of this province except the Hat region, my heritage is from this province, and my parents are only 45 minutes away from there. I have been there more times than you.

Right.  Which is why your first post here was in barely literate English.

I live in Alberta as well, and my heritage is from this province too.  If you'd been there, you would know that not one of the houses there is in a "village" setting.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: I/O on August 05, 2010, 03:47:18 AM
B and B, sort this out somewhere else, nobody is interested for goodness sakes.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: cranehand on August 05, 2010, 10:08:02 AM
Perfect !!!!!
TY bill and legal exactly what i needed.  Those are easy for me even with my very limited Russian:)

And TY I/O

I realized last time I was there Ed that they were looking to me to say something interesting as we raised our glasses.  I felt a sudden sence of responsibility on my part to speak of good things to come.  I was later told that it is my job to raise my glass first and toast and all at the table will wait until I do. :whew: I know now.  I figured after the 3rd of forth time of meeting this group of people that the new car smell would have worn off me but I guess not. :D Is it going to be this way always?  I feel very special when im there, kinda like a new puppy. LOL I love it
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: OlgaH on August 06, 2010, 12:41:10 PM
cranehand,

I hope you remember a toast for your future mother in law  :)

Here is one funny toast. We love humor.  ;)

"A man asked a marriage agency to find him a lady that would be beautiful like in paintings by great artists. After a few days the marriage agency organized a date for him... The disappointed man burst into the agency: " What did you palm off?!". The agency's owner looked at him and said: "I'm sorry, I did not know that you don't like Picasso"

I respect Picasso's work, but I raise my glass to my beautiful reality! To reality!"
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: cranehand on August 07, 2010, 06:53:39 PM
LOL that is good Olga :D.  My fieance(e) and my future Ukrainian family are big jokers,  I think we will get a good laugh together.

3 days to go :hipdude:
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: DKMM on August 16, 2010, 11:57:25 PM
I hope this guy's okay.  Hey crane don't be taken aback if she doesn't act as excited as you are about coming.  That's normal, just get her here and don't freak out.  She will call your city a village (a nice joke would be to say "welcome to your new village") and probably will spend the first few days mostly ignoring you because of all the other things going thru her head.  A lot of ups and downs are coming your way but eventually it settles into the best life you can ever imagine.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: Maxx2 on August 19, 2010, 04:55:15 PM
Make sure to hang some rugs on the walls and get one of those electric water heater pots.
Title: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: 2tallbill on April 10, 2024, 11:17:28 AM
NOTE: I am reviving an oldie but goodie thread about how to make your home hospitable for
your FSUW. I will add my own things.

Before she leaves
Have her send a box or more of her stuff via mail a month or two in advance.
That way she can have a few things when she arrives. If you live in a cold place
tell her to buy some packages of her favorite pantyhose. She is not used to
Legg's that fall apart in days, yet still let her legs freeze.
If she has any preferred cold, stomach, or other over the counter medications. 
It could be difficult to find an exact duplicate in the USA.
I used to tell people to bring several bottles of antibiotics, but they aren't available
over the counter in Russia anymore.



9 days to go and I will jump that big ol silver bird and fly.  I have cleaned and cleaned all the clothes are on hangers, new shower curtains in place, the dust bunnies are in the dyson and I have put food in the freezer.  Momma she is coming home :couple:.  K1 docs all accounted for, I dare the IO to ask for something. LOL.......... people I am so ready for this.  The heat there ( Kherson) has been comparable to the south Texas July weather so she is getting conditioned to the heat and humidity, she is a very sweet woman I hope she does not melt, guess I better change the filter on the AC :)

Any other suggestions?

Ecocks lists some good ones. I bolded two of them.

Things to while away your time.....

1. Main showerhead replacement with a handheld spray head on flextubing.
2. Bench in the foyer to change and store shoes.
3. Water filter.
4. Generous selection of teas, green and black.
5. An espresso machine for the kitchen or main bedroom.
6. Be sure the central AC vent doesn't blow on her side of the bed, maybe consider a deflector.
7. New mats at front, back and garage doors for wiping feet.
8. Some flower vases strategically located (kitchen, dining table, den and bedroom) and filled by a trusted buddy the morning before you arrive back home.
9. Ibuprofen in your pocket for the trip, taken by both of you just before plane lands and you begin the baggage, Customs and drive home scenario.
10. Where you taking her for your first American dinner OR what are you planning on cooking? (Hints: * Salmon, whether you cook it over a fire or take her to Outback works pretty well. * Also, don't overwhelm her with a welcome party or family and friends the first evening.)

Good luck!

Get her into bed so she can sleep. Let her wake up on her own.
Don't overload her with breakfast her first day.
A cheese omelet, some fruit, juice, cottage cheese things like that.
If you prepare her steak and eggs or biscuits and gravy you will
probably throw her system into shock. 

Make sure you have an electric kettle for tea. You should already know
what types of tea she likes.
Buy some of those charcoal tablets for her stomach.

Things to buy together after she arrives
1. Sim card for her smartphone. I bought phones for them on our first day. Smartphones
were not as commonplace in the FSU +10 years ago, their phones were ancient tech that had
Flintstone hamster wheels as a power source. She will know if she needs chargers or something
else.
2. A new mattress and sheets (now you have a virgin bed and she knows it).

Everyone will want to meet her, but don't overwhelm her too soon.
Plan on spending additional time at home, helping her adjust.
I took Angel Eyes and Smiley girl to the zoo on our first weekend off.
Our zoo's are ten thousand times better than theirs, (no need to point that out).
We packed a picnic ice chest for the day (and every road trip since).

Let her help with the plans. Almost anything nature related is loved by many FSUW.
Most FSUW are professional shoppers, she will want to explore and familiarize
herself. Angel Eyes and Smiley Girl walked down isles as if they were
going to be tested later on where everything was and what everything
was and it's relative cost. They would have received excellent grades.

I left them to explore and to text me if they needed help or to come in
and pay for everything.

Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: ML on April 12, 2024, 07:15:25 PM
Not bragging or some such; just telling it like it is:

My now wife adapted on day one.

No need for any preparations.

Very minimal explanations needed from me as to what various items were in grocery store, etc.

I have no inhibitions, so didn't hesitate at all in describing the various types of feminine sanitary napkins on the shelves.   Most guys avoid those aisles like the plague.

- - - - - -

Even as an 18 year old, I bought feminine sanitary napkins for various Japanese and Filipina girlfriends at the US Military base store.
Title: Re: IM freaking out mannnn!!!
Post by: krimster2 on April 13, 2024, 08:54:17 AM
my experience of 'stuff ya gotta do

all paper pushing - greencard/citizenship process, social security card, yada, yada
teaching how to drive
English coach

the main thing was to help my wife 'find her path' in the USA based on what 'she decided she wanted to do'
so I helped her get through school (I freakin wrote her damned final thesis) and start a business

speakin of 'tampons'
you noobs need to listen UP!!
if you see a nekkid woman with a tiny white string danglin outta her 'VJJ"
DO...NOT...PULL...THE...STRING!!!!!