Is my Russian wife cheating on me or am I overreacting?

[GoodOlBoy]

I met GQBlues.  He is not how you described.......You are off base here.

How do you really know Gator?

I guess this is as good as any place to bring up one of my pet peeves.

Several times on this forum I have read the "howlings" of other members claiming that some of our poster's were "off base" with their assumptions, because they had "met" the member in question and he was "OK" in their book.

Because someone on this forum may have met somebody else on this forum in an airport in Moscow for a few hours or sat at a cafe in Siberia with them, doesn't mean jack in my book!

Hell, I lived next to a guy in Virginia Beach for several years who invited my wife, daughter and I over to their house to eat, swim in their pool, attend family functions, etc.

I thought I knew this guy inside and out.


Wrong!!!

Years later he leaves his wife and 3 children for a much younger coworker and later it slipped out through a conversation with his older son that this guy was a sexual freak (deviant) and his wife didn't want to satisfy his "sickness" any more.

No criticism directed at you or anybody else Gator, BUT......I reserve the right to make my own judgements about member's, based on what they post here on RWD.


GOB

[GQBlues]

Wow! Lot's of emotion on that post GOB. Actually in as much as I appreciated Gator saying what he did, the absence of my open recognition of it was for no other reason than I didn't feel he needed to involve himself with my plight. But the class act that I've always known him to be, it was well received in me without saying.

I've known Gator as long as he's known me (what a coincidence, huh) and likely I'm much the same as he in the sense I feel I'm a pretty good judge of character when it comes to people I meet ~ so the feeling was mutual. Some of us just have the knack, believe it or not...  

As for this part of your post:

I reserve the right to make my own judgements about member's, based on what they post here on RWD.

Considering your latest little vacation recently, there's more than one irony in it.  :evil:

[BillyB]

The quoted statement above is just another difference you and I have.

Why do you say that? I love playing with kids. Nieces, nephews, my kids, and small cousins all like playing with Silly Billy.  I don't think playing with kids is work but there are women that will tell their man after he comes home to change the diapers, give them a bath and feed them all while saying she's done her part for the day. You should tell the women in this thread who think it's work what you just told me.

Before thinking about visiting a RW when communicating with her, I ask her what her goals are in life and what role does a man and woman play in a marriage. If I don't like her answer...Next! If I like her answer, she'll like mine when I tell her because it'll be the same.

[docetae]

BillyB-

I know people are different and those differences doesn't automatically determine right from wrong so please don't take what I'm about to say as being critical of you. The quoted statement above is just another difference you and I have.

I realize that the closest to having my own child experience right now had been times I  immersed myself with my little nieces and nephews and my friends' little ones when they come over for visits. I just adore children. I love playing with them and I love taking care of them. I'll give that I'm still yet to live the day when I can spend these times with one that is/are my own...for my wife and I right now, that day is not too far away from us.

So the gist of my post is I know no matter how tired I will be coming home from a hard day's work, there'll be nothing I would like to do more than drown myself into the company of my child/children. I can't imagine enjoying doing anything else than to devote that time to my family. Just the vision of my own children waiting for me to come home is so powerful just to even think about right now.

It remember me a joke about one foreigner who come to Quebec for the first time during winter:
First year: Oh, this is so beautiful, snow everywhere ! this is magic. We even can see deers, look, this is so cute, they are looking for food.
After 3 years: Fu**ing white sh*t , it is falling all time, now my car is rusted and I have not even the time to remove it that new one is there.
One day I will take my .12 and get this f*** deer who eat my trees !

GQblues: you have ideal vision of children. This is true they will give among the biggest reward in life, but between the first 2 years where they need constant attention, sleepless nights, when they transform the smallest of your forgetting in a terrible mess,  there are days that you will be very happy to have baby sitter....In all cases you need to take pause from them, both to be alone and to be only with your wife.

If not, you forget to be a couple and you become only parents.

[BillyB]

This will certainly get you far.. remember to print this and put it next to the condom in your wallet next time you date.. pull both out at the same time and see what happens.  If she's still turned on she's a keeper.

BC, I know how to play the game. If I want to use the condom and get laid, I tell the ladies what they want to hear. If I want to find a life partner, I tell her what she needs to hear. What kind of guy do you think I am?

[BC]

What kind of guy do you think I am?

Not my type 

[Misha]

Enjoy Misha! 

Had a great time. Very romantic time. My wife was pleased as punch that I asked her out on a date after her hard week at work 

[GoodOlBoy]

Considering your latest little vacation recently,.....

 :noidea:


GOB

[GQBlues]

:noidea:

Yeah, well now you see GOB..

I already saw Kuna make a post, and if he in fact just got back from his vacation and my man Sculpto hasn't; then one is left to assume he made a bigger boo-boo now, didn't he?

docetae-

I agree 100%.

I like your snowy heaven metaphor as I can relate. My wife's fascination with Hawaii is typical of people who's only been there 2-3 times. I've spent soooo much time there I literally get stir crazy two hours after arrival. Serious cabin fever for me. To keep my sanity, I'd rent a souped-up moped from the bruddahs a few days and ride the pup around the red zone on the island(s). I hope the missus will tire of going there soon enough.

[Gator]

How do you really know Gator?

I guess this is as good as any place to bring up one of my pet peeves.

Several times on this forum I have read the "howlings" of other members claiming that some of our poster's were "off base" with their assumptions, because they had "met" the member in question and he was "OK" in their book.

Because someone on this forum may have met somebody else on this forum in an airport in Moscow for a few hours or sat at a cafe in Siberia with them, doesn't mean jack in my book!

I assert that what I learned from one meeting with GQ and 6 years of RW forum interchange with him gives me a better assessment of GQ than whatever SMS60 used to formulate his attack of GQ's persona.

Hell, I lived next to a guy in Virginia Beach for several years who invited my wife, daughter and I over to their house to eat, swim in their pool, attend family functions, etc.

I thought I knew this guy inside and out.

Wrong!!!

Years later he leaves his wife and 3 children for a much younger coworker and later it slipped out through a conversation with his older son that this guy was a sexual freak (deviant) and his wife didn't want to satisfy his "sickness" any more.

It is possible that GQ is like your neighbor.    Because I have no information about GQ's sexual practices nor do I know what you consider deviant sex, I can not render an opinion.

Nevertheless, I feel that I know enough about GQ to state that he is not as SMS described him:   “jelly fish, no backbone, eventually their mate loses respect for them.”  I found him confident, understanding and respectful with regard to women.  Besides, the fact that he has been married for 5 years says something about whether she respects him.

No criticism directed at you or anybody else Gator, BUT......I reserve the right to make my own judgements about member's, based on what they post here on RWD.

And you should, as should all RWD readers.

[Muddy]

hiii98 wife and her stupid boyfriend????

http://www.ktvb.com/news/localnews/stories/ktvbn-aug1909-amberalert.f8dcad0d.html

[GoodOlBoy]

edited

[SMS60]

I assert that what I learned from one meeting with GQ and 6 years of RW forum interchange with him gives me a better assessment of GQ than whatever SMS60 used to formulate his attack of GQ's persona.

It is possible that GQ is like your neighbor.    Because I have no information about GQ's sexual practices nor do I know what you consider deviant sex, I can not render an opinion.

Nevertheless, I feel that I know enough about GQ to state that he is not as SMS described him:   “jelly fish, no backbone, eventually their mate loses respect for them.”  I found him confident, understanding and respectful with regard to women.  Besides, the fact that he has been married for 5 years says something about whether she respects him.



And you should, as should all RWD readers.

Hey Sarge

I dont considerate it an attack on GQ's character. I described the men who think like GQ. I used the word "they". But take it as you wish. I will state my opinion just as you do.

I really dont care who you know or not.

There are many misguided men in this journey. Its no different than the relationships you see here at home. I saw the thread going in the direction of "if you disagree with your wife behaving in a certain way you were labeled a control freak". This is far from the truth. There is nothing wrong with wanting mutual respect from your mate. In fact its healthy and normal and required for a stable marriage.

I think I understand relationships from my experiences in life. So I will give an opinion on the way I see things. Actually they are quite simple. The main ingrediant is respect. So, hence my post about the dynamics in this thread about the lack of respect.

Of course, my opinion will be dismissed since I'm not in the "club". I expect that. You might think I'm harsh but I thought this forum was not "sugar coated" said from some "club members". Anyways solutions to serious problems are not always easy. They sometimes sting.

 I will speak out when I think someone is giving information which I consider wrong. If you consider it an attack more power to you. I dont. I think it is constructive criticism.

After I made the post about a jelly fish I was immediatly labeled a "control freak" and or "abuser". I did not see you say anything about the attack on my character. Do we have a double standard? By the way, I would not want you to take up for me. I will fend for myself. Its never good idea to defend someone you dont know like the back of your hand.

Here is my point on the jelly fish post you have an issue with. I will explain my thoughts this way. Lets reverse th OP's situation more than 180 degrees.

Hopefully Gator you will answer this in a honest way. I think I know your character.

If your wife approached you and said "Gator I will be secure with the idea of you going for a weekend with 4 women exploring the night life". Your first reaction would not be how good this could be for you. but what is up with your wife? What would you think?

If it was me?  I would step back and wonder?  I would look at her in a diffirent way. I would see her as losing respect for herself.  What happened to the love? Does she not love me anymore?  Why would she allow this?  Why would she be alright with her husband spending a weekend with 4 women?  What happened to her character? No self esteem?   What is she trying to justify?  I would not say.... Oh how cool this is!!   I have such a secure wife!!!  I would have some major questions about the issue at hand.

Carry on

[BC]

I think I understand relationships from my experiences in life. So I will give an opinion on the way I see things. Actually they are quite simple. The main ingrediant is respect. So, hence my post about the dynamics in this thread about the lack of respect.

Of course, my opinion will be dismissed since I'm not in the "club". I expect that. You might think I'm harsh but I thought this forum was not "sugar coated" said from some "club members". Anyways solutions to serious problems are not always easy. They sometimes sting.

Maybe you consider me a part of that club.. no matter.

But you do bring up an interesting point in bold above..

Are you sure?

I say the main ingredient is trust..

Lets test it..

Can you respect someone you don't trust?

Lemme know and we'll go from there.

[kievstar]

There is never one right or wrong answer that is why many views have come up on this thread.  So it is normal some men / women think nothing is wrong and some men / women think something is wrong.  The OP probably has no idea how to get back to RWD and may never hear from him again.  This thread will go on and on forever.  But this marriage will not last.  OP did clearly state she drank 24X7 in her home country and thought it would end in USA. I also think the OP made this story up and is having a good laugh.  Does not take much to get this crowd going.

[Gator]

I saw the thread going in the direction of "if you disagree with your wife behaving in a certain way you were labeled a control freak".

Peace and harmony (and respect) are not achieved with unilateral control.  A couple needs to resolve their conflicts productively in a win-win manner.

If my wife did what the OP’s wife did (or seem to do), I would become alarmed and have a very serious discussion with her.  We would try to resolve the conflict.  If unable to do that, our relationship would be in trouble.

If your wife approached you and said "Gator I will be secure with the idea of you going for a weekend with 4 women exploring the night life"....What would you think?

Something unhealthy is happening.  Oddly, this has already happened to me.   Many years ago my ex-wife suggested that I get a girlfriend.  Love was gone; she already had a boyfriend.   A few years later we divorced in an amicable manner.  There is a lot more to this story:  her clinical depression, years of therapy, attempt at open marriage, children, etc. 

[Muddy]

If my wife did what the OP’s wife did (or seem to do), I would become alarmed and have a very serious discussion with her.  We would try to resolve the conflict.  If unable to do that, our relationship would be in trouble.


Something unhealthy is happening.  Oddly, this has already happened to me.   Many years ago my ex-wife suggested that I get a girlfriend.  Love was gone; she already had a boyfriend.   A few years later we divorced in an amicable manner.  There is a lot more to this story:  her clinical depression, years of therapy, attempt at open marriage, children, etc.  

You have not learned pal, if your wife does this you should think about the things she has done that you don't know anything about, if she does this she probably has a boyfriend already just like your ex-wife, and its because of what you wrote below, she thinks nothing of you, she does not respect you, when she makes love to you she probably is closing her eyes and is thinking about her boyfriends she parties with,...

“jelly fish, no backbone, eventually their mate loses respect for them.”
Yep, that is probably what happened to your ex-wife.

A few years later we divorced in an amicable manner.
wow, I wonder why did you wait a few years

[Boethius]

You really are a swine, Muddy.  I hope your real life personality is not as disgusting as the one you present here.  If they are the same, I predict with 100 per cent certainty that no marriage you have with a FSU woman will succeed.  Or, for that matter, an AW.

Have you ever considered that Gator had children to think of?  Perhaps he didn't want them to grow up in a broken home or, worse yet, in the sole custody of a depressed woman who would not nurture their spiritual and social growth during the turbulent years of adolescence.  You didn't walk in his shoes, and have no idea what it takes.

Someone who takes a painful period in a person's life and so cavalierly mocks it for . . . amusement?  to win an "online" argument?  to make themselves feel better?  is not much of a man and the last person who should be referencing jellyfish.

[Boethius]

GQ, nope,  I haven't fathered any kids yet, but for years I helped raise my sister's kids spending more time with them than many parents spend with their kids.

Anyways, it's not something that one needs to do to imagine what its like. We've all lived in families. Raising kids is a normal part of life. I've known families with 8 to 13 kids. Now that's rough. Raising 1 kid? Nothing to stress about.

Spoken like a true theoretic. 

[Gator]

Muddy,

When life handed me that lemon, I did my best to make lemonade. 

In contrast, you seem very bitter.  I can only guess that when your life stepped into some crap, you made a $hit sandwich and took a big bite from it.  That brown stuff must be bitter, huh?

BTW, I thought you were stalking Groovlstk, not me.  Something must be wrong with your tracking software.

[Muddy]

 

[BillyB]

 When my husband first came here, I took him on a trip through the Western provinces and down into several US states, where I have family.  He had an opportunity to meet a lot of people, as I had family or acquaintances in most of the places we visited.  One of the things he commented on was that Canada and the U.S. are "throw away" societies.  He meant relationships.  The ease with which couples, particularly those with children, divorced and found new partners was shocking to him.  This was rare in the FSU, unless one party was drinking.  It has become more common, as has adultery, but it certainly is still not the norm.

The FSU with the exception of the Muslim countries have some of the highest divorce rates in the World and huge abortion rates. Maybe you've been introducing your husband to too many broken families for him to come to that conclusion. Many RW once they have children and not married or divorced are unwanted by many RM and don't have much chance to get married unless they got beauty or money.

[Boethius]

You completely misunderstood what I was saying.

I introduced my husband to the normal variations of individuals. 

In Ukraine, up until about 10 years ago, divorce only occurred if a man was drinking.  Even then, a woman would fight to get her husband to stop drinking, and divorce was the last resort.  Single (never married) mothers were rare.  It was considered shameful to have a child out of wedlock.  I think this is because Ukrainians are more tied to rural roots than Russians.  To most Ukrainians, to divorce if your spouse was not a drunkard or a cheater was virtually unheard of.  That was the case among my husband's circles when he lived in St. Petersburg as well. 

To suggest, as some here did, that the OP throw his wife out when a)  he told her to go out; and b) he is looking for dirt is indicative of that "throwaway" mentality.

[BillyB]

 

In Ukraine, up until about 10 years ago, divorce only occurred if a man was drinking.

Broethius, you realize your speaking for every woman and man in Ukraine 10 years ago?

Would a woman only divorce her husband if he was drinking? What about if he beat up the family, mental abuse, lazy and don't work and committing adultery? Is drunkenness to blame for all that? Maybe the husband is just a deadbeat and being drunk, lazy and abusive is just part of his character?

Why would divorce only occur when only he is drinking? Why is women the only ones divorcing? Do men divorce their wife if she does something bad or neglects the family and is useless or does he continue to feed her?

[Misha]

That was the case among my husband's circles when he lived in St. Petersburg as well. 

When did he live in St. Petersburg? 10 years ago? How old was his circle of friends? The Russian divorce rate is now close to 75% if memory serves me right and single unwed mothers are not rare. As for divorce, there are many men and women who will get divorced even if they have children. Had a friend last week writing me last week from Russia telling me how she had kicked out her children's father. The youngest of her two children is only a year old.