Trench's Questions and Philosophies

[Trenchcoat]

No, that's not what I am saying.

She manipulated you with the "serious relationship" line.  She used what she thought would work with you.

You probably have not had experiences with women in the UK with similar mentalities.

ETA - I don't think you will be successful in this venture until you sort yourself out.  I suggest you work on your property, and date UK women - not with a view to a serious relationship or marriage, but just to get more experience with women.

She probably did use it to get what she wanted, but she also seems serious in wanting to find someone to have children with, I pressed her on this after our time together/our disagreement over the visa and she restated it and I guess no reason to lie as it was after we had parted.

I know a woman in the UK who sponges of men (I don't date/have never dated her) Quite often the guy does buy her stuff or give her money for this or that. A few weeks later she gets dumped, it's basically nearly always the guy that dumps her but she can't understand why. She has talked to me and seems genuinely upset (emotional) about it (don't worry I am not interested in dating her, she's too young for me as early to mid twenties). She doesn't tell me she sponges of guys (I know this from others and pretty certain they are being straight up). She says it always goes the same way a guy tells her he is so into her, deeply loves her, but  they all end up dumping her. Yet she seems oblivious as to why she keeps getting dumped. Could my situation be similar?

UK dating is difficult at best, the women of Match, Plenty of Fish etc are full of problem women and even they are unindated with guys wanting to date them. Basically they are all the women that struggle to get any guy hit in them offline so they go online. Even if you get the odd one that is not to move bad say a divorcee she will certainly be swamped with guys contactin her online. It's a hopeless task for any guy on those sites remorselessly banging messages away on the keyboard.

Trying to date girls offline is very difficult also. You have to hit on a girl without knowing if she has a bf - she usually does if she is anywhere near just slightly attractive. In addition you don't know her age, it's easy to get carried away and start looking at too young girls in their late teens & early twenties and to be honest it is not always easy to tell. With older women most would probably be sorted with a guy, possibly married, have kids, etc. Chatting women up is also not easy. Many other UK guys are up against the same issues, I hear this all the time so believe me I am not alone on this. I would nor be looking in the FSU if there was any go on the home scene. Even with its issues and the problems I and WM have in general dating in the FSU if really is the only viable option.

The property stuff etc is coming along so I am confident I can do well enough financially on that front in the medium to long run. That is why I didn't do any FSU time during the winter to work on the property. I have to get some time in now in the FSU as at 40 I am running out of time for a woman that can easily have and want children. As someone rightfully said past 45 you start getting past peak and interested FSW of a childbearing age will start to drop off. I think on this score Nightwish has actually come up with a sound enough idea to do long weekends. This will not stop me working on my property but also let me meet women so I have time to get to know them. So I will just have to keep living and learning as they say and hope it comes good.

[krimster2]

my suggestion about dating in the UK...
practice speaking with an American accent,
it worked for me!
but of course, I am REALLY GOOD at it!!!!!
can only speak about Cambridge, Milton Keynes, Oxford region, which is not a big region and well outside London
heavily skewed because of the Universities and high tech
the women there totally dug a "rugged" American guy in his early 40s
(pity I was married...)
so I wonder how you'd do in the USA?
do you have a charming accent or visage?

I'm curious, where do the women all flock to where you live?
do they have clubs?  pubs?
why not organize a party for St. Trench day at the local pub and invite strange women!
remember! a stranger is just a friend we don't know yet!

is there some kind of out door market place?
look at the single women, what are they looking at

with embarrassment, I must confess that when I was in college, I used to put on one of my father's tailored suits and would try to "get picked-up" by older women at the "Met", had mixed success...

my advice...

you're a hunter
learn to freakin hunt...

[krimster2]

what man can prevail...
when all the stars are aligned against him...

[msmob]

UK dating is difficult at best,

Trench, not for the first time I say you are bs'ing. That you find it hard just isn't surprising given your attitude.

Trying to date girls offline is very difficult also.

No...it's not.

Women seeking a guy clearly see you as either desperate or 'greedy', I base this on your posts .

[Anotherkiwi]

what man can prevail...
when all the stars are aligned against him...

You can't see the stars when you're buried at the back of a cave ... 

[krimster2]

hi ladies,
   I’m a lonely American researcher working here in Southern England on new pediatric medical treatments.

my hobbies are art collecting and the culinary arts and traveling

I am tall, broad shouldered, with dark blond hair beginning to turn  gray at the temples with blue eyes, framed by a kind, pleasant face...

I am looking for a woman who wants to live life to its fullest and holds nothing back

am I am the man for you?
what if I am, and you let me pass by and another woman meets me instead of you?

are you curious?

contact me at “House next to Trench” and “I will meet a woman before he does in his own home town” lane next to “so Trench you better get out there and do something” street

[JayH]

Kind of goes back to the second of the two main issues with last girl I met that I highlighted earlier. That of the shopping spree mentality,

Let us have a closer look at that "shopping" spree.
You have never answered this question  --exactly what was bought? What were the  individual costs of the items ? What was the total outlay?
Let us all see what YOU have spent so much time making a big big deal over.
Don't try and slide over the answer -- you are far to tight to not know the answers.


Now --I would bet money--good money -- that the answer is nothing like $???? .00

[Trenchcoat]

Let us have a closer look at that "shopping" spree.
You have never answered this question  --exactly what was bought? What were the  individual costs of the items ? What was the total outlay?
Let us all see what YOU have spent so much time making a big big deal over.
Don't try and slide over the answer -- you are far to tight to not know the answers.


Now --I would bet money--good money -- that the answer is nothing like $???? .00

I will try to check back on my bank statement and give you the sum when I can. I can't do it today as busy/awkward time, but in the next fews days I will try to manage it and put the sums up here.

[Trenchcoat]

hi ladies,
   I’m a lonely American researcher working here in Southern England on new pediatric medical treatments.

my hobbies are art collecting and the culinary arts and traveling

I am tall, broad shouldered, with dark blond hair beginning to turn  gray at the temples with blue eyes, framed by a kind, pleasant face...

I am looking for a woman who wants to live life to its fullest and holds nothing back

am I am the man for you?
what if I am, and you let me pass by and another woman meets me instead of you?

are you curious?

contact me at “House next to Trench” and “I will meet a woman before he does in his own home town” lane next to “so Trench you better get out there and do something” street

In the FSU you will get response to your profile statement. In the UK most guys get zero response to their profile statement and in addition have to sit at PC writing out endless personalised letters to girls all night long, might after night to which there is rarely any response. I got lucky once and actually got a response to my profile on Match and we actually met up after a bit if correspondence but there was no chemistry there. This is rare as most guys get zero response from profile alone and have to do teeth chasing online to even attempt to get any response.

[msmob]

In the FSU you will get response to your profile statement. In the UK most guys get zero response to their profile ...

More Trench BS

Never had any problems getting responses.

I slways wrote a direct profile,  never mentioning my financial status..just the type of woman I sought.

If you aren't getting hits..you are doing something WRONG

[Trenchcoat]

More Trench BS

Never had any problems getting responses.

I slways wrote a direct profile,  never mentioning my financial status..just the type of woman I sought.

If you aren't getting hits..you are doing something WRONG

I think there are a few more women in the west of England. Age group may make a difference also. I think most people write direct profiles. I changed my profile many time to see if it would make a difference. The stuff I mentioned isn't unique to me many men in the UK (and I think the US & elsewhere) also find the same issues - writing a ton of messages and getting nil response. The ladies likewise complain it feels like they are getting spam they get so many messages. I know what it's like from the female side now as on some FSU dating sites (not talking ppl) you get quite a few messages from women that would not interest - not attracted to looks, a bit on the old side, have kids, etc. So I can see what they mean that they don't have time to spend on those profiles that they don't take to, which if course will a log of them.

[krimster2]

there must exist within you some “redeeming value” Trench, some virtue...
however, it seems to be extremely well concealed...

honestly, if I were you, I would not look for love in the FSU
I don’t think you’re going to find it there...
instead, I’d “up my game” and remain local...
it’s “you” who are the problem, the main impediment to your own success
until you work on developing yourself...
you will remain stuck where you are...

[Davo2]

Trench if you're just sending a "hello how are you" opening  message to local women, you're going to struggle.  You have to be unique and think outside the box,  to stand out from the other men.

After struggling and a lot trial and error,  I found an opener that works more often than not..... Popular Love song lyrics written in Shakespearean verse. It shows a sense of humor and a little intelligence over the other boring openers and dick pics.

Van Halen was a big hit and always got a reply

"Oh h're t cometh
yond comical humour again winding me up inside
ev'ry timeth we toucheth
ho i knoweth not
oh, bid me wh're to beginneth causeth i nev'r ev'r
hath felt so much

and i can't recall any loveth at all
baby this blows 'em all hence

t's did get what t doth take
so bid me wherefore can't this beest loveth?
straight from mine own heart
oh, bid me wherefore can't this beest loveth?"

[BdHvA]

Trench,

Perhaps you should look at your strong points. My opinion your are persistent, resilient and stubborn.

Persistent = You keep on trying.

Resilient = Adversary and rejection is brushed aside.

Stubborn = You have failed and ignore advice.

Of course this is easy to do when one is a key board jockey.

[krimster2]

"so bid me wherefore can't this beest loveth?"

this..worked...???
damnnnnnnnn...
would not have thought that...

[krimster2]

Trench,
 
I DON’T understand why you don’t like British Women!!!
I’ve flirted with quite a few, but never past that...
they were all women I’d be quite eager to sleep with, just the thought of them whispering into my ear all the things they’d want me to do to them while caressing my inner ear with their moist tongue... (oh my!!)

I wonder how dating British women compares to dating American women?

one thing not discussed on this board, I fear because most of the Americans on this board are “conservative” is the issue of “giving oral pleasure” to a woman...

when you’re dating a 30ish American woman, she will demand this as the first token of sexuality from you... and you’d better be a master at this... or she will judge you to be sexually incompatible...  British women, I don’t know, it never went that far for me...

OTOH, 20ish yr Ukrainian women DID NOT expect this, and when provided, were surprised, based on auditory feedback I only wish I could have see their faces...

no problems for you with this Trench, am I right?

[Trenchcoat]

Trench,

Perhaps you should look at your strong points. My opinion your are persistent, resilient and stubborn.

Persistent = You keep on trying.

Resilient = Adversary and rejection is brushed aside.

Stubborn = You have failed and ignore advice.

Of course this is easy to do when one is a key board jockey.

Thanks Bd

I think that's pretty much me out of the keyboard jockey position too. Of course not all is seen or is always a positive but I guess it can work in certain circumstances.

[Trenchcoat]

there must exist within you some “redeeming value” Trench, some virtue...
however, it seems to be extremely well concealed...

honestly, if I were you, I would not look for love in the FSU
I don’t think you’re going to find it there...
instead, I’d “up my game” and remain local...
it’s “you” who are the problem, the main impediment to your own success
until you work on developing yourself...
you will remain stuck where you are...

Simply a case of FSU dating sites I get response and dates, UK (western) dates I don't. So to get responses and dates is better than not at all. I know the learning curve is steeper now because of cultural differences buthat I have no alternative plus FSW are a lot better quality than you find on UK dating sites pound for pound.

[krimster2]

" pound for pound."

I take it that this is not about money!
yeah makes sense, because you're comparing 20ish FSU vrs 30ish British, even in FSU this happens

play a better game Trench
and don't just take your current game to a different field

[Trenchcoat]

" pound for pound."

I take it that this is not about money!
yeah makes sense, because you're comparing 20ish FSU vrs 30ish British, even in FSU this happens

play a better game Trench
and don't just take your current game to a different field

Even for the same ages FSW are better. Admittedly, I am who I am, my 'game' has never been at all good but UK are very awkward, they will not make it easy even for a guy they are interested in. In fact many will humiliate a guy if he tries to chat her up. It's all to heavy going. I have looked at my 'game' before and how to improve but I don't think I ever will, it's just not my thing.

I get the impression you are perhaps African American Krimster. A lot of black guys I think game comes pretty naturally or develops easy. Black guys are often good talkers I think, a bit like they have a thing for rythym in music, dancing, etc. Muslim guys too can be good with talk though perhaps too forward for some girls sometime I think. Anyway as a white guy I have two left feet when it comes to game I think that's why I don't do puck up artist stuff it's just not me.

The odd guy I know without game have had success at online UK dating sites but they were after fatties - not a scene I'm remotely into

[krimster2]

"I get the impression you are perhaps African American Krimster."

fair skinned blond graying hair, blue eyes
mixed Anglo-Russian Ashkenazic ancestry

I just think it's amusing to talk like a 'bro, er 'bro

[ML]

The odd guy I know without game have had success at online UK dating sites but they were after fatties - not a scene I'm remotely into

I don't know much about this concept of game.

I do know that because I was married to first wife for a very long time and had not even cheated, I was somewhat worried about my ability to join the dating scene.  I had not the slightest knowledge about how to woo a woman into a relationship.

However, to my surprise and relief, I had not even a tiny bit of trouble.
I realized that my high level of interaction with women of all ages and professional level during my consulting days had (unintentionally) led me to be completely comfortable with all women.

I had always treated women with respect regarding their intelligence and varied situations, and had a natural gift for humor and small talk about many topics.

So the transition from business dealings with women to romance with women was entirely painless and enjoyable; and I never even tried to attain any particular 'game' skills, whatever that means.

[krimster2]

Trench

sometimes you can compensate for a shortage of one quality for an abundance of something else...

in your case, no “flash”, PLUS no “rhythm” is a major deficit for you to overcome...
what ‘quality’ do you have to plug into these “holes”?
hopefully your “good looks”???
otherwise, you know that feeling you got when the women you met just “didn’t meet your expectations”
can you guess what their opinion is of you???

I’ll say it one last time, Trench
“Improve Your Game, and don’t just change the field you're playing in"

ML,

“game” is actually old "Black English" idiom from the 90‘s it’s since been replaced by “flow”
but even flow is probably “stale”, I'm not up to date on the subject, haven't been to south Philly in ages...

“he got game” - means someone with a high degree of skill

[krimster2]

Trench’s problem is not about some particular issue with some particular woman in Ukraine

Trench’s problem is “he got no game”

how does a player play the game, if “he got no game”

[DaveNY]

Trenchcoat after reading about your inability to not be able to date in the FSU and locally in the UK I'm being reminded of a mass murder that happened recently in Toronto, Canada.

The murder suspect used a rental van to run down and kill 10 people mostly women while injuring many more. His apparent reason was literally that he couldn't get a date and get laid. He is apparently a member of a group called incels aka "involuntarily celibate". I'd never heard about incels and had to look up the meaning of the term.

The more I hear about how your future wife has to be "into you" and has to be this and that the more I'm convinced that you're also an incel. The simple fact is if you find dating in the UK awkward, traveling to the FSU to find a date is well beyond your abilities.

Trenchcoat are you an incel?

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/canada/toronto/article-suspect-in-toronto-van-attack-described-as-socially-awkward-tech/
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=incel
http://www.racked.com/2018/4/28/17290256/incel-chad-stacy-becky