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Author Topic: visa for new wife and her two sons?  (Read 37940 times)

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Offline calmissile

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #75 on: October 22, 2014, 12:54:25 AM »
I/O.

I hope you are not confusing the two Doug's on the forum.  My wife's name is Larissa.  I don't know PhotoGuys girlfriends name.  Perhaps it is a coincidence.

As to Photoguys situation, it seems that his girlfriend and her husband are supportive of getting a divorce and the father thinks the best thing for the children are to immigrate to the USA and marry PhotoGuy, I don 't see the problem.  It's none of our business how the husband and wife arrived at their joint agreement.  If they carried it out as they planned PhotoGuy might have a built in family that the absent parent agrees with.

As long as PhotoGuy is not being scammed by husband and wife, it's not much different than a couple that have already divorced and the father has no interest in being active in the children's lives.  I fail to fathom the heightened interest in this case, since so many women already have permission from the father to allow his children to emigrate.  Sometimes the fathers grant permission just to get out of child support.

The question is what is best for the children?  A loving couple involving a step-parent or a family that is staying together (without love) for the sake of the children.
Doug (Calmissile)

Offline AC

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #76 on: October 22, 2014, 01:07:36 AM »

As long as PhotoGuy is not being scammed by husband and wife, it's not much different than a couple that have already divorced and the father has no interest in being active in the children's lives.  I fail to fathom the heightened interest in this case...

How do you/we know that the father has no interest in being active in the children's lives?  We should just assume that?  It's no different?  Actually it's very different.  If Photo Guy sponsors this woman, he's on the hook to financially support her for 10 years, is he not?

« Last Edit: October 22, 2014, 09:54:20 AM by AC »

Offline Ade

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #77 on: October 22, 2014, 02:02:25 AM »
Well said I/O - perhaps he'll listen to you if you've known him so long as I think my reality check fell on deaf ears.

Offline Turboguy

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #78 on: October 22, 2014, 03:50:27 AM »
I/O.

I hope you are not confusing the two Doug's on the forum.  My wife's name is Larissa.  I don't know PhotoGuys girlfriends name.  Perhaps it is a coincidence.
 
I guess it falls into the small world category.   PG, Doug's gal's name is Larisa.  Just for consistency perhaps we can change your name to Dougg 8)


Quote
Well said I/O - perhaps he'll listen to you if you've known him so long as I think my reality check fell on deaf ears. 
I don't think PG is going into this without thinking everything out and yes, it is a high risk venture but I think I know PG about as well as anyone here.  I have met him and we stayed in touch a bit through his long absence here and frankly I think as well meaning as some of the advice is here everyone is wasting their breath.  The only way this won't happen is if something on her end stops it.   




lordtiberius

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #79 on: October 22, 2014, 04:35:23 AM »
I also loved her years ago, before she was married. Do I need to draw you a picture?

You have no respect for marriage.  You will reap what you sow.

Online Faux Pas

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #80 on: October 22, 2014, 04:41:14 AM »
You have no respect for marriage.  You will reap what you sow.

As will you

lordtiberius

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #81 on: October 22, 2014, 04:44:22 AM »
Well said I/O - perhaps he'll listen to you if you've known him so long as I think my reality check fell on deaf ears.

Everything this man has written on this thread has been valid and ignored.  Instead we are treated to Calimissile's immoralizing.

 :popcorn:

Offline Turboguy

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #82 on: October 22, 2014, 05:31:31 AM »
Everything this man has written on this thread has been valid and ignored.  Instead we are treated to Calimissile's immoralizing.

 :popcorn:


I/O is both very intelligent and very wise (sometimes the two don't go together).  No one is ignoring him.   The fact still remains that Doug is in love and is going to do what he feels his heart is directing him to do.  Those who are advising him to take another route may well be correct.  Doug will face a lot of obstacles and challenges and there is risk.   Still concerning the advice he should forget her and could find a better women with less baggage, that would have been better done years ago and those giving that advice are
 :deadhorse: :deadhorse: :deadhorse: :deadhorse: :deadhorse: :deadhorse:

Offline Gator

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #83 on: October 22, 2014, 08:45:04 AM »
There are three important issues:

1.  Love between PG and Larisa.
2.  Welfare of Larisa's two children.
3.  Larisa is entering into a new relationship before leaving her current relationship. 

I/O wrote an excellent post about the first two.


LOVE


.... I married a lady with a child, it was my second marriage, I had travelled (read into that what you will) a lot more than most ever will and I was lucky (maybe a few smarts thrown in) enough to meet someone who wanted to fall in love, who wanted be with a husband for who he was (not only what he could offer)....

Excellent statement of a litmus test.  This same litmus test was performed years ago when Larisa came to America via a fiancée visa.   Larisa failed the litmus test.   Leaving to take care of aging parents does not trump true love.  Marrying someone else speaks volumes. 

The reasons for failed relationships can not always be readily explained, nor do they need to be explained.    The fact that the relationship failed says that renewing the relationship is probably hopeless unless Larisa has undergone a transformation.

If her transformation is nothing more than she seeks what PG can offer...Photoguy's deep love will go unrequited.   IMO over the years unrequited love will create strife and ill feeling, and even PG's love will diminish.  However, if Larisa was physically attracted to PG years ago, there is hope.  The only way to determine this is for PG and Larisa to spend time together (before he applies for a fiancée visa).



CHILDREN

Quote

Doug, I'm painting a little picture here because knowing you as I do, I think you'd make a wonderful grandfather, but rest assured, that is a very long way from instant parenting, especially sharing that parenting with a women who has, for all intents and purposes, walked all over you and thrown you to the wind once before. 


I was old enough to be the grandfather of the two kids in my first RW marriage.  The kids were very young and had never known their father.  They wanted a father, and I enthusiastically filled that void.    My divorce from their mother was not about the children.  My Cossack's wife 15-yo son truly loves me.  He too never knew his father, and I filled that void.

In contrast, Larisa's children know their father.  They may not be so eager to adopt PG as their new dad.  I ask PG if he knows what he is getting into.  I assume he has no children from a past marriage. 


Besides the love, forgiveness,  time, patience and psychology required from PG, there is also the expense of raising children - it is large: university education, orthodontics, insurance, transportation, clothing, food (Gawd, I forgot how ravenous a teenager can be), etc.

IMO PG needs to spend time with the children before deciding to apply for a fiancée visa.


ENTERING NEW RELATIONSHIP

Every psychologist will advise people to end an existing relationship before entering a new relationship.  To linger is not only confusing, messy, etc., it fosters doubt because one can not commit.     Before applying for a visa, Larisa needs to divorce her husband and obtain as part of that divorce sole custody for the children. 


Offline Wayne

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #84 on: October 22, 2014, 10:03:09 AM »
The woman would need a final divorce before applying for a K-1. In Ukraine and Russia a divorce certificate is usually a simple one page document. It usually does not specify the custody arrangements nor child support issues. I don't think you need to have grounds for the divorce.
 
 

Offline Muzh

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #85 on: October 22, 2014, 11:15:33 AM »
Sorry for the delayed response. I've been away.
Thanks for the advice. ..Thanks Turbo.
I love this woman. She's very special and the more I know her the more I love her. I realize it will not be easy, but some things in life are not easy and still worth doing. I'm reasonable. So is she. So is her husband. The three of us want what is best for these two young kids. I have yet to hear any animosity or malevolence from the father... I pray that all goes well.


To quote Mr. T


"I pity the foo"
To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead. Thomas Paine - The American Crisis 1776-1783

Offline Muzh

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #86 on: October 22, 2014, 11:23:44 AM »


I don't think PG is going into this without thinking everything out and yes, it is a high risk venture...


Really?


I think all his blood moved south to the little head and his other head, the one that thinks, is being oxygen deprived.


I want to see a show of hands of guys who went through this at least once.
Mine is way up there.

To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead. Thomas Paine - The American Crisis 1776-1783

Offline Photo Guy

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #87 on: October 22, 2014, 01:19:53 PM »
I know y'all want the best for me, and the best for my fiancee and her two young kids...
I appreciate your input.
doug

Offline Gator

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #88 on: October 22, 2014, 03:26:52 PM »
The woman would need a final divorce before applying for a K-1. In Ukraine and Russia a divorce certificate is usually a simple one page document. It usually does not specify the custody arrangements nor child support issues. I don't think you need to have grounds for the divorce.

Sole custody is designated in a separate court document.

lordtiberius

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #89 on: October 22, 2014, 03:43:53 PM »

Really?


I think all his blood moved south to the little head and his other head, the one that thinks, is being oxygen deprived.


I want to see a show of hands of guys who went through this at least once.
Mine is way up there.

Can't hate on that

lordtiberius

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #90 on: October 22, 2014, 03:44:51 PM »
I know y'all want the best for me, and the best for my fiancee and her two young kids...
I appreciate your input.
doug

Just find somebody better

Online Faux Pas

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #91 on: October 22, 2014, 04:27:50 PM »

I/O is both very intelligent and very wise (sometimes the two don't go together).  No one is ignoring him.   The fact still remains that Doug is in love and is going to do what he feels his heart is directing him to do.  Those who are advising him to take another route may well be correct.  Doug will face a lot of obstacles and challenges and there is risk.   Still concerning the advice he should forget her and could find a better women with less baggage, that would have been better done years ago and those giving that advice are
 :deadhorse: :deadhorse: :deadhorse: :deadhorse: :deadhorse: :deadhorse:

As well he should. He should also take into consideration how his (and her's) actions is going to affect two young children. If Doug is a man of honor, he'll do what's best for those children. If that interest coincides with his and Larissa's desire to be together, that's great but, can he be honest with himself that it is? Rhetorical question.

As for the naysayers of which I consider myself ,it is incumbent upon those to point out information in which PG will hopefully consider as he moves forward with his plan. It is he who will have to live with the decision and the choices he makes, FWIW


Offline lonedrake

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #92 on: October 22, 2014, 06:40:44 PM »
Quote
I think as well meaning as some of the advice is here everyone is wasting their breath.  The only way this won't happen is if something on her end stops it.

I agree with this. 


My stepfather married my mother when I was 18. She had 7 kids and I was the 2nd oldest. There was some trying times with my younger siblings...but in the end it worked out fine. They had two more children.

So...PG...it can work out just fine. Good luck and I am rooting for you.

Offline I/O

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #93 on: October 24, 2014, 04:53:23 AM »
I have met him and we stayed in touch a bit through his long absence here and frankly I think as well meaning as some of the advice is here everyone is wasting their breath.
TG: I know you are absolutely correct and as a result of that correctness, Doug is going to need every bit the same level of support you provided him last time around (which I encourage you to provide). Like you, I doubt anyone here knows Doug as well as you but also remember.........

Quote
I hope you are not confusing the two Doug's on the forum.  My wife's name is Larissa.
Nope.

Quote
I don 't see the problem
You don't know the history - love has been very blind in this example before.

Gator: I don't think age has much to do with fatherliness vs grandfatherliness and that certainly wasn't why I made the GF remark. I honestly believe Doug will make a wonderful grandfather because he is, without a doubt, one of the nicest people around but he has been hammered in this venture with the same women once before and will be slaughtered this time around - of that, there can be no realistic doubt.

Offline AC

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #94 on: October 24, 2014, 10:18:11 AM »
I honestly believe Doug will make a wonderful grandfather because he is, without a doubt, one of the nicest people around but he has been hammered in this venture with the same women once before and will be slaughtered this time around - of that, there can be no realistic doubt.

 :shock:

Offline Photo Guy

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #95 on: October 24, 2014, 12:57:57 PM »
It will be a love-fest. And there will be challenges. Sometimes in life, sacrifices have to be made. The Holy Spirit will be our guide and comfort us in times of trouble. I'm doing the right thing and those who disagree are coming from a place of ignorance, often showing their own biases and their own dark imaginings, projecting their own inner issues.

Offline Ade

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #96 on: October 24, 2014, 01:53:19 PM »
It will be a love-fest. And there will be challenges. Sometimes in life, sacrifices have to be made. The Holy Spirit will be our guide and comfort us in times of trouble. I'm doing the right thing and those who disagree are coming from a place of ignorance, often showing their own biases and their own dark imaginings, projecting their own inner issues.

You're talking about us happily married guys with kids, right?

Offline fathertime

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #97 on: October 24, 2014, 02:01:59 PM »
It will be a love-fest. And there will be challenges. Sometimes in life, sacrifices have to be made. The Holy Spirit will be our guide and comfort us in times of trouble. I'm doing the right thing and those who disagree are coming from a place of ignorance, often showing their own biases and their own dark imaginings, projecting their own inner issues.


Well Photo Guy, those guys that were commenting to the negative seemed to be doing it not out of malice.  Perhaps you are one of those that thinks 'love' conquers all.  I have no doubt that YOU are really into this lady....but you are not able to control how she genuinely feels about you...and how the children are going to react to you.  You can be a good and earnest man, but you really should acknowledge that this situation is not something you can control in any way.  Most of the comments here are pretty reasonable regarding the impression you have given.  I can see that you are going to do follow through regardless of pretty much anything at this point.  The impression you have given me is that even if your lady told you she was seeing another man, it wouldn't stop you from moving forward.  Based on what you have written you seem 'innocent of mind' so I hope you are able to protect yourself financially/emotionally and realize this has a good chance of harming you in unexpected ways on top of the usual expected ways.   


Fathertime!   
I just happened to be browsing about the internet....

Offline Boethius

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #98 on: October 24, 2014, 02:04:47 PM »
I will disagree with your statement on biases/prejudices.

I am not fully familiar with your story, but did read your last timelines  She allegedly had surgery, and managed to marry and have two children between the time you parted in 2006 to when you began communicating again in 2013.  So, in 7 or so years, she managed to:

a)  get over her love for you enough to meet and marry another man;
b)  have two sons with that man;
c)  reconnect with you, while dealing with the death of a parent she missed so much, she chose him over you, the demise of her marriage, and the well being of her sons.

I happen to have the experience of marrying a man who my parents did not wish me to marry.  My MIL was also vehemently against our marriage because I am a foreigner.  I also could speak the language fluently, understood the culture, and my better half could, when he arrived, speak English.   

While individuals are different, I do not believe that if true love had existed between you, she would have married someone else.  Realistically, as a mother of two sons, in Ukraine, her life is over.  The chance of remarriage to a UM is not impossible, but minimal.   She does not have a lot of options in Ukraine.  That will not be the case when she lands in the U.S.   Please consider how much this, rather than any desire for you, as her other half, is driving her decision to reconnect.

It is, of course, your life and your decision.  However, your post indicates you are not being realistic.  Fine if it was just two of you.  But you will be holding the lives of two children in the balance. 
« Last Edit: October 24, 2014, 04:42:56 PM by Boethius »
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

lordtiberius

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Re: visa for new wife and her two sons?
« Reply #99 on: October 24, 2014, 03:28:29 PM »
If she was an American, the dump her chorus would be louder.

Also what does the Holy Spirit say about shagging someone else's wife?

You are making this weird for the kids you claim to care about.

 

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