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Author Topic: Trench's Questions and Philosophies  (Read 125077 times)

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Online Trenchcoat

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #50 on: July 13, 2017, 01:28:10 AM »
Well, reality is not always pleasant.

I certainly don't wish Trenchcoat any harm, but what he describes just screams "arrangement".

I know a UW here, met her through the community, who married a WM.  She did so to get residency.  He had an excellent job, and is a good guy.  She got pregnant, and while pregnant, forged his signature on a visa application for her mother (required as one must show support means for visitors from certain countries).  As soon as her mother arrived, she threw her husband out and demanded a divorce.  She demanded he buy her a property, which he did.  She wanted maintenance for their daughter, but no visitation for him.  Of course, she was in Canada, so he has generous visitation, which irks her to no end, even though she didn't want the child, only the income the child brings her, and is an indifferent mother.  Her mother is still here, as she is from the war zone, and has claimed refugee status.  The UW has made that man's life a living hell, and he still does not understand what really happened, that she never had an intention of building a life with him.  He, too, assumed they had "chemistry", probably still does.

So the good job meant she saw him as a target for generous child support payments, though I guess he at least got a child out of the debacle unlike the OP of this original thread. Kind of shows how warped she is that she seems to expect child maintenance payments but does not want him to have access. This is what I mean when I point to the uncaring attitude of FSW that use men for immigration, holidays or whatever then toss them aside without even thinking of how what they are doing is affecting them.

Well there was no formal agreement to an arrangement of she gives me this I give her that. Possibly it is an arrangement of how she might want things to work in her head - and to that end it doesn't look to do me any good to go down the path she wants to. I am certainly not going to bring her into the UK not even on a short stay. It will have to be everything done in Ukraine or not at all.

I do also apologize Boethius if I got a bit carried away in our discussions in other threads I was perhaps a bit too quick to judge. 

Online Trenchcoat

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #51 on: July 13, 2017, 01:33:43 AM »
This is what I can't figure out.  Trenchcoat has enumerated one red flag after another, and yet he still seems to be in this post-coital daze of "wow, my girlfriend is a 10!"  How many times have posters here told newbies (and others) to stop thinking with their little heads and use the brain with which they've been supplied?  In every other post he bangs on about how she's using him for shopping and so on - can't he see that this attitude won't change?

I don't care if this girl is hot enough to be Miss Porn Universe - dump her NOW!!!  :cluebat: :cluebat: :cluebat: :cluebat: :cluebat:

The red flags were not really there to start with or were not so apparent - namely that she wants into the UK, she is against me going to see her in her home city & shopaholic. The shop problem came forward a bit on the first visit but I thought we reached an agreement on it to keep it slow but steady. I think I have gained experience from this though even though it was more costly than I would have liked and enjoyed myself along the way.

 

Online Trenchcoat

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #52 on: July 13, 2017, 01:58:53 AM »
Thanks Moby :D

I know some of my theories have been wrong at times on here as I feel my way around the FSU dating scene, but to be honest there are other members that have fouled up too I remember back last year when Guppy Captain was using Mordinson for the second time and once again it not working out for him. I recall the first time he ended up taking girl to Budapest on holiday and it then not working out. For sure Holidays don't really seem to be the way to go when getting into a relationship with a FSW and best avoided, I enjoyed my time on holiday but in so far as building upon the relationship I think it did nothing on that.

I'm not though for quitting on this venture, the way I see it the more experience both on here and in the field the more able I become at this. The FSU dating scene seems to evolve over time and what worked well several years ago can be a minefield of scammers several years later. Part of the reason I don't mind posting about my trials & tribulations on here apart from seeking help for myself is to aid other in this journey so they are not easy game for women that have ideas other than meeting a guy to be with. The way I see it is I try to be decent myself in dealing with others so why should other decent guys and I believe most are that are genuinely seeking a foreign wife be done over by the unscrupulous its just not nice to do to anyone.

Anyway, I am not too bothered with giving girl the push in any haste, I kind of care about her and have affection towards her even though I accept it is not at the moment looking good. For what its worth there was some small green flags along the way and these seemed genuine but I think we have moved from that and now in a position where I am too wary to follow what she wants.

So working on the assumption that she will continue to stubbornly move from her position which she has done so far. I will spend the next few months working on my next attempt at this properly, taking in lodgers into my home so I have an independent source of income so I can go out to FSU countries and date as the natives do, make out it is a permanent relocation to avoid immigration scammers and get access to lot of women to date and have a comfortable life with out there for a while before I come back with them to UK when I am sure they are sound enough to do so. For me the thought of having hours of my time each week from the UK taken up with messaging those that may turn out to be interested in something other than a real relationship is time I can do without being wasted. The way I see it is that if they are straight up they will turn up for a meeting or not at all which will suit me fine.   

Offline Boethius

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #53 on: July 13, 2017, 11:45:10 AM »
So the good job meant she saw him as a target for generous child support payments, though I guess he at least got a child out of the debacle unlike the OP of this original thread. Kind of shows how warped she is that she seems to expect child maintenance payments but does not want him to have access. This is what I mean when I point to the uncaring attitude of FSW that use men for immigration, holidays or whatever then toss them aside without even thinking of how what they are doing is affecting them.

For her, the child was just a way to secure a steady source of income.  That could happen with WW as well, but most educated WM marry WW with their own careers, so the effect is somewhat ameliorated.

This type of behaviour was common in Soviet times as well,  Because successive Ukrainian governments failed to create a new identity for Ukrainians after the collapse of the USSR, those behaviours have continued.  Just the targets have changed.
« Last Edit: July 13, 2017, 12:04:04 PM by Boethius »
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Online Trenchcoat

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #54 on: July 13, 2017, 05:05:29 PM »

Boethius, you were saying in the original part of this this thread that a girl may have hang ups about visiting her home city beaus of gossip as everyone knows everyone. Do you think this might be the case with my girl? Although we have stated to each other our relationship is serious we have only met up twice for a week together at a time. And Skype in between. Contact online first occurred about six months ago. We do not live in together with each other so perhaps we aren't in a permanent relationship. I would want to live in with her but she seems to be reluctant for this to happen in her home city. I know second girl I met in her home city last year in Nikolaev did not want to meet me in the hotel restaurant as locals would know. (Asking hear so as to not intrude on other thread)

Offline Boethius

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #55 on: July 13, 2017, 06:14:49 PM »
It likely is one of three things:

1.  She does not want gossip.  Westerners don't understand how common this is, and how connected people there are.   
2.  She is embarrassed by her living conditions.
3.  She has a boyfriend.  He may even know about you, but it's related to 1.

I would hazard a guess it is #1, and it is no big deal, really, until couples are marrying.  It is not an indication of a scam.  Her choosing someone so much older (if she's under 25) and, if what you say is accurate, disparate looks wise, is far more of an issue.  The spending is also somewhat of an issue, because it reveals a particular mindset, coupled with manipulation (If you're a "real man" . . . ).  Meeting in a woman's home city generally is probably less of an issue for women over 30. 

You have stated this girl is adamant about settling in the UK.  She probably chose you partly because you are in the UK, so you are sort of changing the ground rules on her. 

Kherson is not somewhere you would want to live. If you are going to live in Ukraine, live in Kyiv, Kharkiv, Odesa, or L'viv.
« Last Edit: July 13, 2017, 06:55:53 PM by Boethius »
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Offline Boethius

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #56 on: July 13, 2017, 06:38:57 PM »
The FSU dating scene seems to evolve over time and what worked well several years ago can be a minefield of scammers several years later.


No, I don't think that is accurate.  The number of scammers and the scams they run, are always the same. 



To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

Offline Anotherkiwi

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #57 on: July 13, 2017, 07:54:36 PM »
The red flags were not really there to start with or were not so apparent - namely that she wants into the UK, she is against me going to see her in her home city & shopaholic. The shop problem came forward a bit on the first visit but I thought we reached an agreement on it to keep it slow but steady.

Fine - but why are you still with her when this has become such an issue?  As the Americans on here would say: "Dump her sorry ass!"

I think I have gained experience from this though even though it was more costly than I would have liked and enjoyed myself along the way.

Stop emphasising the money issues!  Everyone who has read your posts knows that you're a cheap sod - you don't have to keep bringing it up.  The enjoyment factor is what is preventing you from moving on with your life - dump this girl, and find someone else to enjoy life with.  Who knows, you might actually find someone who really DOES see you as more than a walking credit card.

Online jone

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #58 on: July 13, 2017, 11:13:10 PM »
Kiwi,

If he is a walking credit card, I'm sure he walks with a cane.
Kissing girls is a goodness.  It beats the hell out of card games.  - Robert Heinlein

Online Trenchcoat

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #59 on: July 14, 2017, 02:59:32 AM »
It likely is one of three things:

1.  She does not want gossip.  Westerners don't understand how common this is, and how connected people there are.   
2.  She is embarrassed by her living conditions.
3.  She has a boyfriend.  He may even know about you, but it's related to 1.

I would hazard a guess it is #1, and it is no big deal, really, until couples are marrying.  It is not an indication of a scam.  Her choosing someone so much older (if she's under 25) and, if what you say is accurate, disparate looks wise, is far more of an issue.  The spending is also somewhat of an issue, because it reveals a particular mindset, coupled with manipulation (If you're a "real man" . . . ).  Meeting in a woman's home city generally is probably less of an issue for women over 30. 

You have stated this girl is adamant about settling in the UK.  She probably chose you partly because you are in the UK, so you are sort of changing the ground rules on her. 

Kherson is not somewhere you would want to live. If you are going to live in Ukraine, live in Kyiv, Kharkiv, Odesa, or L'viv.

Thanks Boethius I think you could be right here in it being number 1. Also I think some of number 2 also, when I was with her in Kiev we were eating in an area with concrete residential block behind, I made some comment, not bad but in reference to the old style soviet era of the blocks. Anyway it seemed to me at least that she looked a little queasy when mentioning this and it was then I thought its probably the exact same type of building she lives in - it does not matter to me where she lives as I am into her, living locations at any rate can be changed were we to get any deeper into relationship.

For me I couldn't care less what people gossip about but for her it may well be different, they have all that peculiarity over hotels after all. It must be a strong force in her mind like the refusal to do hotel as she seems very opposed to me going and for me I couldn't fathom why I thought it would be a perfectly natural thing to do particularly after a couple of destinations away.

I got to say though I am still cautious, no I don't think she is part of any organised scam operation the way she goes about stuff is not like that - for example she does not ask to keep receipts to stuff bought. Could she just be interested in immigration scam - maybe, at this point its difficult to tell how much she is into me set against how much into coming to UK. I just want to make sure she is into me and I'm not going to be used as a mule. Her seemingly uncaring nature to spending my money on holiday did not give me cause for optimism - would she be equally uncaring about using me for immigration then ditching me and upgrading as some see it - possibly I wonder.

Hence why I want to live in Ukraine with her to really get to know her out of the week's meet up here and there. I think us living together in a domestic situation would suit us best. This looks unlikely though if what you suggest is the case. I don't think she has a boyfriend there, there is nothing on her social media, vk and it looks like she has started that some time ago. She does not know I know of her vk page though I think in this day and age its fair to assume that she would have thought that I might find it and if had a bf could sanitize it for purpose. She has stated to me she does not have a bf in the past and her reply seemed genuine as far as I could tell anyway.

Anyway, so my thought on this at the moment are either live in Kherson in the future for a short while almost undercover as a English Language Teacher and rent out a separate apartment which she justs visits for 'tuition' ;D or ask her to live with me in a nearby city live Nikolaev or Odessa but this would of course entail her giving up her job so I'm not sure she would go for that. I 'm thinking though at any rate it may be worth messaging her and finding out if rumour, gossip, reputation is the reason behind it all, what do you think as the way forward on this?

Offline ML

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #60 on: July 14, 2017, 10:00:30 AM »

 live in Kherson in the future for a short while almost undercover as a English Language Teacher

This idea of teaching English comes up frequently on this forum.

But there are only 1 out of 100 of us who could actually teach English.

Many assume that if you grew up with a language, you can teach it.
Totally false.

While we may speak and write a language fairly correctly . . . we can in no way explain to a questioner why we are using certain words in certain places as opposed to other words or forms of a word.

The most we can hope for is that we can talk with those who are learning and read to them . . . just so they can become more accustomed to hearing our language and pick up pronunciation knowledge.

But actually teaching English . . . no way.
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #61 on: July 14, 2017, 11:39:46 AM »
I am certainly not going to bring her into the UK not even on a short stay. It will have to be everything done in Ukraine or not at all.

I was perhaps a bit too quick to judge.

I didn't read everything, I don't have the time or the interest to watch
soap opera's either.

Trench, use the brain above your shoulders and not the one in your Willie.
My advice is that if you've found a girl who you wouldn't bring home to ole
Blighty or anywhere else on the planet then she's not a keeper.

If she's not a keeper, then dump her and move on. The sooner you do the
sooner she can find her true love and the sooner you can find the Future
Mrs Trenchie.

I would take Angel Eyes anyplace, anytime, anywhere, with pride and I trust
her in any situation. She might not know a thing about guns, but if I were in
a wild west gunfight and she was at my side, I know for sure that she would
be screaming like the Indians at Little Bighorn and that the lead would be flying.

If you don't absolutely, positively and completely trust this girl with no reservations
inside and out then she isn't the girl for you. Dump her and go find your gunfighter. 

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #62 on: July 14, 2017, 12:03:20 PM »
This idea of teaching English comes up frequently on this forum.

But there are only 1 out of 100 of us who could actually teach English.

Many assume that if you grew up with a language, you can teach it.
Totally false.

While we may speak and write a language fairly correctly . . . we can in no way explain to a questioner why we are using certain words in certain places as opposed to other words or forms of a word.

The most we can hope for is that we can talk with those who are learning and read to them . . . just so they can become more accustomed to hearing our language and pick up pronunciation knowledge.

But actually teaching English . . . no way.



I know Ecocks (I probably got his name wrong) made a few shekels teaching
business English to businessmen in Ukraine. If I were going to try teaching
English (which I'm not going to do). I would try something like that with a
couple of English teachers for backup.

Set them up in sales situations where the customer was English speaking and
coach them on how to improve. That way I was primarily teaching them something
that I consider myself a professional at, and using some real English teachers for
their expertise.

The real English teachers can teach them how to diagram a sentence and how,
where, when and why we use articles in a sentence (which Russians find difficult
to understand) and I could work on helping them polish up their proposals, sales 
presentations, pronunciation and business to business acumen. 99% of the
Russian English teachers have outrageous accents, so maybe I would add a
speech therapist to help them pronounce words correctly. Where their teeth
and lips go when they say Vodka and not Wodka and how to say the short i
like in Bill instead of Beeel. 

That's what I would do if I had any interest in trying to teach in the FSU. 

edit to add.

There is a Russian woman Anastasia Ash that used to come here to the
forum that actually doesn't have a Russian accent. If I were going to do
something like this I would definitely pick her brain and Ecocks.

What you want is to offer something that they actually need. English teachers
in the FSU are a dime a dozen and that's how they are paid too. You need to
offer something that is rare, valuable and difficult to find in order to make
more than a few kopecks.

« Last Edit: July 14, 2017, 12:19:28 PM by 2tallbill »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline Boethius

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #63 on: July 14, 2017, 02:12:49 PM »
For me I couldn't care less what people gossip about but for her it may well be different, they have all that peculiarity over hotels after all. It must be a strong force in her mind like the refusal to do hotel as she seems very opposed to me going and for me I couldn't fathom why I thought it would be a perfectly natural thing to do particularly after a couple of destinations away.

It is very different. 

Quote
I got to say though I am still cautious, no I don't think she is part of any organised scam operation the way she goes about stuff is not like that - for example she does not ask to keep receipts to stuff bought. Could she just be interested in immigration scam - maybe, at this point its difficult to tell how much she is into me set against how much into coming to UK. I just want to make sure she is into me and I'm not going to be used as a mule. Her seemingly uncaring nature to spending my money on holiday did not give me cause for optimism - would she be equally uncaring about using me for immigration then ditching me and upgrading as some see it - possibly I wonder.

I have no doubt she is not part of an "organized" scam.  But she may sell some of the clothes if she needs cash - she would sell them at a market, for less than you paid for them.  Very common in Ukraine. 

Quote
Hence why I want to live in Ukraine with her to really get to know her out of the week's meet up here and there. I think us living together in a domestic situation would suit us best. This looks unlikely though if what you suggest is the case. I don't think she has a boyfriend there, there is nothing on her social media, vk and it looks like she has started that some time ago. She does not know I know of her vk page though I think in this day and age its fair to assume that she would have thought that I might find it and if had a bf could sanitize it for purpose. She has stated to me she does not have a bf in the past and her reply seemed genuine as far as I could tell anyway.

Women there know WM check their online profiles, so that means nothing. 

If this girl is intent on scamming you, living in Kherson is not going to make a difference.  These types of scams have been going on for over half a century in Ukraine.  In Soviet times, certain cities were closed, meaning one required a residence permit (propiska) to live there.  Moscow, Leningrad, Kyiv, were all closed cities.  I knew a lot of men who were targeted by women from smaller cities for marriage.  My husband told one acquaintance outright that his then girlfriend was targeting him for a propiska (she was from Kherson, coincidentally).  The friend didn't listen.  He didn't give her a propiska until after their child was born.  The day after receiving her propiska, his loving wife threw him out of his apartment.  He ended up being saved only because he had a relative with good connections who quietly took the wife aside and told her to get out of the district they lived in, for if he saw her there, he'd have her propiska pulled and she'd be on the next train to Kherson. It's not the only story I know, I know dozens like this.  The point?  If a native couldn't see this, what makes you think you will?

We don't know the girl, so we can't tell you what to do.  That's for you to decide.  But Bill is right, as are others who have posted.  If you can't trust this girl with your life, then she is not the one for you.  Deep down, if you listen to your instincts, they will give you the answer.

Quote
Anyway, so my thought on this at the moment are either live in Kherson in the future for a short while almost undercover as a English Language Teacher and rent out a separate apartment which she justs visits for 'tuition' ;D or ask her to live with me in a nearby city live Nikolaev or Odessa but this would of course entail her giving up her job so I'm not sure she would go for that. I 'm thinking though at any rate it may be worth messaging her and finding out if rumour, gossip, reputation is the reason behind it all, what do you think as the way forward on this?

See above.  You will not be able to support yourself comfortably teaching English in Kherson.  It's a poor region of a poor country.  You'd have better luck in one of the cities I listed.  And, you won't be able to live "undercover" in Kherson.  It's population is under 400,000.  Someone your girl knows will see her with you, and soon, everyone will know.  That's the way it is in Ukraine.  She may or may not tell  you this, difficult to say, but it's something to which, for the most part, Westerners are oblivious.  Nevertheless, if this is what you want to do, I suggest you save enough money to be able to support yourself comfortably in Ukraine for three to six months, and live there for that period.  You can contact Stirlitz or Mila to help you find a furnished apartment to rent.  Tell her you have no intention of moving back to the West, and you'll refurnish the apartment when you get more money, and see if she is interested in you when you have the same resources and economic opportunities as a typical UM.  My hunch is the answer will be "no".

If you don't have trust, then you can't have a real relationship. 

I know Ecocks (I probably got his name wrong) made a few shekels teaching business English to businessmen in Ukraine. If I were going to try teaching English (which I'm not going to do). I would try something like that with a couple of English teachers for backup.

But Ed was a retired college professor.  He'd spent his life teaching, so he understood how to teach.  That is the difference. 
« Last Edit: July 15, 2017, 01:42:03 PM by AnonMod »
To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

Offline Boethius

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #64 on: July 14, 2017, 02:19:55 PM »
There are lots of ways, I assume, to protect your home from matrimonial claims.  I know there are ways to do this in Canada.  Put it in joint tenancy with your parents with some form of consideration.  Put it in a trust. 

Go see a lawyer to determine what structures can be put in place to protect your assets before you marry.
« Last Edit: July 14, 2017, 02:31:50 PM by Boethius »
To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #65 on: July 14, 2017, 02:38:46 PM »
But Ed was a retired college professor.  He'd spent his life teaching, so he understood how to teach.  That is the difference.


I was speaking for myself, how I would do it if it were me, not how somebody
else should do it.

I've taught more sales people how to be sales people than I could list.
I've ridden with them, went on calls with them, I've recruited them right
out of college and taught them everything they knew. I've made presentations
on salesmanship, prospecting and many other aspects of selling to beginners
and journeymen alike.

I've helped others map out their careers, how to work their territory, find leads
and pursue leads and a thousand other aspects of selling. I've developed tests
to measure a salesperson's strengths and weaknesses and helped them develop
plans to improve both. I could certainly do it, but I don't have the desire.

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #66 on: July 14, 2017, 07:50:30 PM »
See above.  You will not be able to support yourself comfortably teaching English in Kherson.  It's a poor region of a poor country.  You'd have better luck in one of the cities I listed.  And, you won't be able to live "undercover" in Kherson.  It's population is under 400,000.  Someone your girl knows will see her with you, and soon, everyone will know.  That's the way it is in Ukraine.  She may or may not tell  you this, difficult to say, but it's something to which, for the most part, Westerners are oblivious.  Nevertheless, if this is what you want to do, I suggest you save enough money to be able to support yourself comfortably in Ukraine for three to six months, and live there for that period.  You can contact Stirlitz or Mila to help you find a furnished apartment to rent.  Tell her you have no intention of moving back to the West, and you'll refurnish the apartment when you get more money, and see if she is interested in you when you have the same resources and economic opportunities as a typical UM.  My hunch is the answer will be "no".

If you don't have trust, then you can't have a real relationship.

In the immediate town where I live the population is around 150,000 yet I wouldn't say everyone knows everyone and I'm sure I can go out shopping many a time without bumping into anyone I know or who knows me. Some people will come from a nearby town but its population is just 185,000 approx. I'm not sure with population of around/under 400,000 in Kherson how everyone knows everyone - surely many can walk around with no-one knowing who they are or sticking out much. When I was in Nikolaev no one seemed to take any particular interest in me being not of the region that I could notice at least anyway. When I say undercover my thought is to set myself up as an English Teacher but this may be more of a front than anything just so girl can say she is visiting me for English lessons while in reality behind closed doors other lessons are in progress :D To everyone around it will make perfect sense that she is visiting a native English guy to learn English. Though I still can't believe that everyone is such a busybody in Kherson like the busybodies you get in a small English village that I would have to go to these lengths to do this. At any rate I would use the money from renting out my place back home to lodgers to pay my bills, if any income came in from English Teaching it would be additional to what I need, I would ensure I have savings too to fall back on.

Long term, my thought has always been is that if I can provide the accommodation, whether I am renting or buy a place whether in Ukraine or UK girl would be way better of than she presently is- she could save or spend any money she brought in as she would have no accommodation costs to worry about or fear of not meeting accommodation payments. Talking to girl of recent though and she appears adamant she will only live in UK that I will not be visiting her in Kherson, lol. This is funny since she has no way of paying for travel/meeting documentation requirements to UK or any control of me being able to just buy a ticket to Kherson and hop on a plane in the blink of an eye. She has an managerial edge to her and wants to determine the situation despite having no power over it, lol. For me though, her trying to dictate terms without any acceptance of what I want is just not happening and makes me wary.

Your last sentence intrigues me Boethius as if a girl or any girl is going with me because of lifestyle I can offer her in UK how can I tell she will continue to do decent by me once in UK? On what basis is she with me other than immigration? Once that is fulfilled what reason has she to continue to be with me? My thought as above is that if I could provide an apartment without her having to pay accommodation costs and furnish it nicely then surely this is a big improvement over her present lot. Yet it appears that his is not a solution that is satisfactory for her and she wants way more in moving to the UK. Yet from where she's at in having to earn very low pay and pay for an apartment it surely is a situation she would want to move from in a matter of haste I would have thought to anything better?

Online Trenchcoat

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #67 on: July 14, 2017, 08:18:01 PM »
There are lots of ways, I assume, to protect your home from matrimonial claims.  I know there are ways to do this in Canada.  Put it in joint tenancy with your parents with some form of consideration.  Put it in a trust. 

Go see a lawyer to determine what structures can be put in place to protect your assets before you marry.

Trusts in UK don't offer full proof protection in UK divorce courts - some may offer a measure of protection but you have to disclose existence as a beneficiary of a trust to the divorce courts and if there is not much in the way of assets at hand outside the trust then the courts are likely to move to raiding your trust particularly if it looks like you are the sole beneficiary of the trust, that it has been specifically set up to protect your assets in marriage. So in UK it can't be counted on to help avoid a big payout. 

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #68 on: July 14, 2017, 08:46:53 PM »
In the immediate town where I live the population is around 150,000

This is Ukraine not Blighty. Everyone in Ukraine goes out walking
just to walk around and socialize. They walk to do everything.
They go food shopping several times per week.

Your experience in the UK is irrelevant to Ukraine. There isn't
a babushka network in the UK either, but in Ukraine there is.

Boe is 100% correct and you are 100% wrong.



Your last sentence intrigues me Boethius as if a girl or any girl is going with me because of lifestyle I can offer her in UK how can I tell she will continue to do decent by me once in UK?

You have to win her heart. You must have complete trust in her
and she in you. Otherwise, dump her and move on.

« Last Edit: July 14, 2017, 08:50:36 PM by 2tallbill »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Online msmob

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #69 on: July 14, 2017, 10:30:15 PM »
This idea of teaching English comes up frequently on this forum.

But there are only 1 out of 100 of us who could actually teach English.

Many assume that if you grew up with a language, you can teach it.
Totally false.

While we may speak and write a language fairly correctly . . . we can in no way explain to a questioner why we are using certain words in certain places as opposed to other words or forms of a word.

The most we can hope for is that we can talk with those who are learning and read to them . . . just so they can become more accustomed to hearing our language and pick up pronunciation knowledge.

But actually teaching English . . . no way.

Totally, agree !

I'm constantly asked by English Schools in Sochi to come and be a guest speaker - which I'm happy to do - but, despite learning Latin at school and that really helped with languages - as did learning some Greek -in Cyprus - teaching is NOT for me...

I  DO get asked why we say certain phrases or why we break grammar rules and I'm simply don't know / remember English grammar well enough to explain.

'Bounder' - a Canadian - has come to Moscow - been on courses to teach English - and seems to be making a go of life there. The first few months were not easy for him.


Online Trenchcoat

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #70 on: July 15, 2017, 12:09:31 AM »
This is Ukraine not Blighty. Everyone in Ukraine goes out walking
just to walk around and socialize. They walk to do everything.
They go food shopping several times per week.

Your experience in the UK is irrelevant to Ukraine. There isn't
a babushka network in the UK either, but in Ukraine there is.

Boe is 100% correct and you are 100% wrong.



You have to win her heart. You must have complete trust in her
and she in you. Otherwise, dump her and move on.

Oh I see, well it can still exist in UK but tends to be villages not really towns or cities. I see what you mean though, people do walk/use public transport a lot in Ukraine so your no doubt right in it having a lot more scope.

Would my front as an English Language Teacher for cover not be convincing to avoid wagging tongues? Often these front situations can be used to effectively deter speculation and it the only way I can think of to deal with this. If for example I was to go to a Ukrainian town/city to teach English anyway before I've met any girl that is what the locals would then take me for, would it not. I could then date one of my students say on the quiet and locals would be oblivious to it I assume.

Offline BillyB

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #71 on: July 15, 2017, 01:23:34 AM »
I think you're right Moby, not for me to get married at least not for the time being. I have a few issues with girl at present mainly:

1). She seems to be a Shopaholic.

2). Disagreement between us on where to be together and neither of us has so far budged, she wants UK I am wary and suggest elsewhere.


Even if you aren't looking for marriage but want a friends with benefits relationship, I don't see your relationship lasting too much longer. You want her to put out but you don't want to put out. She's probably exploring options by now and would dump you if the right guy came along. He doesn't have to be a good guy, he needs to just be the right guy.

Online Trenchcoat

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #72 on: July 15, 2017, 03:13:46 AM »
'Bounder' - a Canadian - has come to Moscow - been on courses to teach English - and seems to be making a go of life there. The first few months were not easy for him.

I think too that Bounder made the best move, living native seems the best way to go. If I need to make another attempt at this I will prepare well and do that. All this messaging back and forth just seems a waste of time, too much garbage to have to sift through. The only thing I would say of Bounder is that he would have been better securing himself a source of income before he went out there. I know he said he had some savings but it would have made life much easier for him. That and though Moscow is a fair and fine city it is an expensive one so perhaps a cheaper alternative. Also, I am not sure if Bounder is still among us, he has not posted on this forum for several months. The last I heard he met someone that was looking promising but he seemed a bit under pressure economically.

Offline Boethius

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #73 on: July 15, 2017, 10:39:01 AM »
In the immediate town where I live the population is around 150,000 yet I wouldn't say everyone knows everyone and I'm sure I can go out shopping many a time without bumping into anyone I know or who knows me. Some people will come from a nearby town but its population is just 185,000 approx. I'm not sure with population of around/under 400,000 in Kherson how everyone knows everyone - surely many can walk around with no-one knowing who they are or sticking out much.

Kherson is not an English village.  It is in Ukraine, and its inhabitants have a Slavic mentality.

How many English families in your village live on top of one another, with four generations (often) sharing a two room apartment?

Why are you asking for this information if you doubt it?

Quote
When I was in Nikolaev no one seemed to take any particular interest in me being not of the region that I could notice at least anyway. When I say undercover my thought is to set myself up as an English Teacher but this may be more of a front than anything just so girl can say she is visiting me for English lessons while in reality behind closed doors other lessons are in progress :D To everyone around it will make perfect sense that she is visiting a native English guy to learn English.

People there aren't stupid.  They are going to figure it out, and quickly, at that.

Quote
Though I still can't believe that everyone is such a busybody in Kherson

It's not being a busybody in their culture.  In fact, in Soviet times, it was encouraged, even rewarded.

Quote
Long term, my thought has always been is that if I can provide the accommodation, whether I am renting or buy a place whether in Ukraine or UK girl would be way better of than she presently is- she could save or spend any money she brought in as she would have no accommodation costs to worry about or fear of not meeting accommodation payments. Talking to girl of recent though and she appears adamant she will only live in UK that I will not be visiting her in Kherson, lol. This is funny since she has no way of paying for travel/meeting documentation requirements to UK or any control of me being able to just buy a ticket to Kherson and hop on a plane in the blink of an eye. She has an managerial edge to her and wants to determine the situation despite having no power over it, lol. For me though, her trying to dictate terms without any acceptance of what I want is just not happening and makes me wary.

You are saving her nothing by moving to Kherson.  Housing is not the expense it is in the West. Yes, she can't stop you from moving, but she can refuse to see you.

Quote
Your last sentence intrigues me Boethius as if a girl or any girl is going with me because of lifestyle I can offer her in UK how can I tell she will continue to do decent by me once in UK? On what basis is she with me other than immigration? Once that is fulfilled what reason has she to continue to be with me? My thought as above is that if I could provide an apartment without her having to pay accommodation costs and furnish it nicely then surely this is a big improvement over her present lot. Yet it appears that his is not a solution that is satisfactory for her and she wants way more in moving to the UK. Yet from where she's at in having to earn very low pay and pay for an apartment it surely is a situation she would want to move from in a matter of haste I would have thought to anything better?

You can't know.  But a girl that much younger than you has chosen you because you provide her the opportunity of a lifestyle she can't have with a UM.  She is using what she has (lbeauty) to better her station in life, just as you are using what you have (providing economic stability) to obtain a girl you could not in the West.

Life comes with no guarantees.  If you can't live with this, then FSUW or, for that matter, relationships in general, are not for you.
« Last Edit: July 15, 2017, 11:37:28 AM by Boethius »
To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

Offline Boethius

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #74 on: July 15, 2017, 11:13:54 AM »
Trusts in UK don't offer full proof protection in UK divorce courts - some may offer a measure of protection but you have to disclose existence as a beneficiary of a trust to the divorce courts and if there is not much in the way of assets at hand outside the trust then the courts are likely to move to raiding your trust particularly if it looks like you are the sole beneficiary of the trust, that it has been specifically set up to protect your assets in marriage. So in UK it can't be counted on to help avoid a big payout.

I used it as an example.  As you are not yet married, I suspect there are things you can do to protect your home.  Don't be a cheapskate - go see the best matrimonial lawyer in your area and ask how you can protect yourself.
« Last Edit: July 15, 2017, 11:36:16 AM by Boethius »
To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

 

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