Rushin in Russia

[msmob]

I say it again, what he looks for he will find in Asia maybe, a cheap subservient sexdoll, Philippines or Thailand, maybe China, a FSU woman will never take his crap for long even if he somehow lured one in to marry him.

Trench doesn't like 'Chinese' looking ladies, guys ... do keep up ))

[ML]

He had warned her that if she ever sought him out, in America, that he would harm her.  I know who he is and where he lives.  I did my research to try to figure out if he could try to harm our future family, if we get that far.  Under US law, he owes approximately $17,000 in back child support.  But the courts would only seek it out if she came here and then received support from her local county.  Something that cannot happen as I am responsible for her in the US.

Jon, not an expert here, but I think there is a difference between alimony to wife and support to child.

Child support would not be easily dismissed or overlooked by US court system.

[jone]

True that.

However, I guarantee, upon receiving the mother and her son into the United States that they will not be a burden on the state.  Filing for assistance for the child with the County would certainly fall inside the guarantee I provide to the government.  At least that is how I see it.

[Trenchcoat]

True that.

However, I guarantee, upon receiving the mother and her son into the United States that they will not be a burden on the state.  Filing for assistance for the child with the County would certainly fall inside the guarantee I provide to the government.  At least that is how I see it.

So after a four day visit she is already on path to US citizenship and more wealth than she could ever hope to dream off.

I see how this works now, the girl can either cut and run with a decent payoff or stick around with a guy who always brings in very good continuous income - she's unlikely to find another guy who brings in such wealth so why bother changing guy unless she gets real set on someone else or decides she prefers the single life. She could end up in a less favourable situation after all. Some girls will fold but a lot will hold with the rich guy like you Jone. For you if a girl does go for the payout  not the end of the world there is always a try for another one that may stay.

I can see how this is a situation that may work for both parties and why some guys get such a good reception from the lady while the less well off guy gets the 'you buy me this or that'. She off course will not want to stuff up a much better long term deal for a new bag or coat, not unless she is stupid. Myself I can't do the same as you Jone, just not that wealthy. I'll have to stick to finding a girl that is truely into me.

[msmob]

So after a four day visit she is already on path to US citizenship and more wealth than she could ever hope to dream off.

I see how this works now

As usual - NO - you don't ...

Plenty of emotional and logistic hurdles to overcome for Jone and PB. 

Isn't in time you found a UK dating site forum ? You are no longer interested in FSU W, right ?

[Anotherkiwi]

So after a four day visit she is already on path to US citizenship and more wealth than she could ever hope to dream off.

You are seriously as bad as Trump. 

Why on earth would you let the facts get in the way of what you think is a good story?  Does your brain not let you read back more than a few posts?  Jone has already told us how PB has spent time with him in Los Angeles, or did that little bit of crucial information slip your mind?

[Trenchcoat]

As usual - NO - you don't ...

Plenty of emotional and logistic hurdles to overcome for Jone and PB. 

Isn't in time you found a UK dating site forum ? You are no longer interested in FSU W, right ?

Not strictly speaking just a UK girl, though not in the area I currently live as most are not easy to communicate with. I'm still interested in a FSU girl, but like BillyB did see it as not a case of cutting myself of from UK girls if possibilities exist out there.

[Trenchcoat]

You are seriously as bad as Trump. 

Why on earth would you let the facts get in the way of what you think is a good story?  Does your brain not let you read back more than a few posts?  Jone has already told us how PB has spent time with him in Los Angeles, or did that little bit of crucial information slip your mind?

I know and I brought it up then that after a few days he held out the bait of all what California has to offer a FSU girl ,i.e a wondrous lifestyle. I'm not having a crack at Jone here, we all go by what we can determine is what we are most likely able to get in this venture. For a FSW with a kid stuck way out in FSU Jone can offer her a lifestyle no other local guy would. Most single guys out in FSU will not want to stump up the cost of providing for someone else's kid, her options are limited. Odds are if she is getting on a little with a daughter she may be looking for a stable lifestyle that Jone can provide if she is the right sort, that may be more important to her than goldigging or trying to find herself another guy once there. That is something women with children have over single girls, a single girl is much more unattached and can please herself at will once she is in the country. Women with children have been known to play the guy of course, there are no guarantees, but there options are much more limited in terms of long term prospects. Even in a guys home country far fewer guys are likely to hit on a woman with kids, its more than most guys want to deal with. I think Jone is a decent nice guy, but being an older guy he knows he will be taken for a ride with many a younger unattached girl. Its really just a question of how to play the game from where you are. 

[msmob]

Not strictly speaking just a UK girl, though not in the area I currently live as most are not easy to communicate with.

You REALLY need to check back what you post - it is amusing how you change like the wind and we can only guess the local gals know about you - if communication is an issue ....

I'm still interested in a FSU girl, but like BillyB did see it as not a case of cutting myself of from UK girls if possibilities exist out there.

Well, with your guru' BillyB to advise you you can't fail ...

[Anotherkiwi]

I know and I brought it up then that after a few days he held out the bait of all what California has to offer a FSU girl ,i.e a wondrous lifestyle.

You really are clueless, aren't you?  PB was in California long before jone visited her in Russia.

I'm not having a crack at Jone here

Of course you are.

...we all go by what we can determine is what we are most likely able to get in this venture.

No, we don't ALL do that.

I think Jone is a decent nice guy

How can you possibly say that?  You know only slightly more about jone than you know about me, which is nothing.  Of course, he probably is, but all you (or I, or anyone else) have to go on is what he has posted here over the years.

...but being an older guy he knows he will be taken for a ride with many a younger unattached girl.

Which is why, unlike you, he isn't chasing one!

Its really just a question of how to play the game from where you are.

This is your biggest problem.  To you it's all some deep game, where everyone is out to relieve you of all your hard-earned cash and take you for the biggest ride of your career.  That's why you will never, EVER succeed in any relationship, whether it be with some hot young FSUW or someone older from your own country.

[HoundDaddyLee]

I know and I brought it up then that after a few days he held out the bait of all what California has to offer a FSU girl ,i.e a wondrous lifestyle. I'm not having a crack at Jone here, we all go by what we can determine is what we are most likely able to get in this venture. For a FSW with a kid stuck way out in FSU Jone can offer her a lifestyle no other local guy would. Most single guys out in FSU will not want to stump up the cost of providing for someone else's kid, her options are limited. Odds are if she is getting on a little with a daughter she may be looking for a stable lifestyle that Jone can provide if she is the right sort, that may be more important to her than goldigging or trying to find herself another guy once there. That is something women with children have over single girls, a single girl is much more unattached and can please herself at will once she is in the country. Women with children have been known to play the guy of course, there are no guarantees, but there options are much more limited in terms of long term prospects. Even in a guys home country far fewer guys are likely to hit on a woman with kids, its more than most guys want to deal with. I think Jone is a decent nice guy, but being an older guy he knows he will be taken for a ride with many a younger unattached girl. Its really just a question of how to play the game from where you are.

Jesus wept. How can one human be this clueless. Based on your low salary, why are worried about getting scammed? You have nothing to scam.
 


HDL

[Jumper]

TC, I'll try not to pile on
Because I do think you're trying.

You tend to project a certain mentality onto an entire culture.
 
Women there,(or anywhere)single or with children ,don't think like that as a general rule.

  I am certainly not wealthy.
I had zero problems finding or meeting sincere women.
That's not the hard part or even a challenge.
  The tricky part is finding one you simply adore, and where the feeling is mutual.
  My wife lived in a nice home,she gave up pretty much everything she
had, and most all she had ever known, to be my wife. To live not much different than she had before
but without her loved ones -near, family , friends, language, culture etc etc etc.
To possibly  gain what? A bit more stability? And take such a huge risk?
Would you do that ?
  She has been here 7 years, and we could have gotten her citizenship awhile ago, but  it's not something we even think about. I told her the other day we should do so, and we will, but none of that stuff was too important.it's not in our everyday thoughts.  As I've told you prior,she's welcome to all I have and unfortunately it isn't that much.
But the point is will you ever feel.that way about anyone?
I hope so.
   
  My advice is just lighten up,life's too short  ,and not everyone is out to milk you like a dairy cow.
They already have 3 liters of milk in the fridge,it's not a third world country.



 

[wallm]

I had zero problems finding or meeting sincere women.
That's not the hard part or even a challenge.
  The tricky part is finding one you simply adore, and where the feeling is mutual.

True. It is quite easy to find a sincere woman. The challenge is to find someone you have mutual connection with.

[Nightwish]

True. It is quite easy to find a sincere woman. The challenge is to find someone you have mutual connection with.

but when you do.. oh what a a wonderful life it can be 

[jone]

I have been to Russia a few times now.  I am as conflicted as I was as a young man contemplating the soon-to-be former Soviet Union.  On one hand, I am enthralled every time I go to Russia and spend time with Russian families.  I love the warmth and openness that I am welcomed with. On the other hand, I see the elements of struggle that most families seem to go through.   My woman lives in a small two room flat that she shares with her son.  It is small, by any standards.  The kitchen is less than 8’ X 6’ and the bed room is probably 10’ X 8’.  She has one small closet to keep all her clothes in.  Another small one for her son.
 
She is secure in her home.  It has lots of locks.  Her son goes to school less than two hundred yards from her front door.  And she walks everywhere.  Her son is her life.  She sacrifices her life outside the home for his behalf.  I think that she gets very few things for herself and everything she can scrap together for her son.  Most of her ‘good’ clothes I have seen in pictures from five years ago. 

Russia does not seem to take good care of its people.  Instead, they have a robust character and can take care of themselves.  In America, the factories are all automated and production accommodates the workers.  But in Russia, if you were to walk into a factory, you would think you have gone back in time to the time of your grandparents and their work environments. 

Food is appropriated by the household based on base nutrition needs.  I have heard from many that there is plenty of meat and sweets that make up Eastern European diets.  This is not true, in my experience.  Instead, good meat only replaces sausages or no meat, maybe, once a week. 

It was intimated by another poster that my lifestyle here in Los Angeles would overwhelm a Russian woman.  My take on this is that any place in America would overwhelm a Russian woman.  When PB was here, she knew what to expect, having been here before.  But the level of luxury compared to that in her hometown was noticeable from the time she left the airport.  She did not comment directly on where we went and what we ate, but I know it was ever present in her thoughts.  When I took her shopping to a nice department store, I knew that it was a singular event that had not happened for quite a while in her life.

One of the reasons that FSUW / WM marriages fail is an inability for acclimation by the FSUW.  They experience a completely different lifestyle and must center themselves in that lifestyle or they will yoyo between affluence and self-imposed misery.

I know that there are elements here that will be disputed by other members of the forum.  But I also think that this line of thought should be developed and debated here so as to help couples achieve the sense of balance necessary to any marriage.   I certainly think about it at night.

[msmob]

Jone,

as you'd expect - I don't agree with much you've said about life in Russia. Your PB is a single Mum and probably not getting support from Dad who is IN the USA... life WILL be hard for her...

Yes, Russians manage to live in small spaces and sometimes you enter their apts. to be shocked how they have lavished hard earned money on 'luxury' .  Sometimes they have a tiny place and a car that suggests a far better lifestyle.

The main problem V and I had was that walking where I wanted to live with her in the UK - a village - would be impossible ( everything was miles from anywhere and public transport a joke )  - so I rented a town house in a small town in the Cotswolds to accommodate the ability for her and her teenage son to be able to walk to school / shops / college, etc.,   It took a long time before Mum could adapt to the wrong side of the road - even though she had had practice in Cyprus.

When your chosen one first comes to your country - even having been before - they need to LEAN on you - and this can be a hard time for a woman that has learnt to be independent.

As for taking care of it's people .. I thought that ...   many choose to rely on paying for private doctors - rather than the Russian health service..   In Sochi - a friend of ours had a heart attack - the day after the Russian Formula 1 Grand Prix.

He had a modern - up the arm, multiple stent - operation - rather than open surgery and the hospital was modern and v.clean

[GQBlues]

I have been to Russia a few times now.  I am as conflicted as I was as a young man contemplating the soon-to-be former Soviet Union.  On one hand, I am enthralled every time I go to Russia and spend time with Russian families.  I love the warmth and openness that I am welcomed with. On the other hand, I see the elements of struggle that most families seem to go through.   My woman lives in a small two room flat that she shares with her son.  It is small, by any standards.  The kitchen is less than 8’ X 6’ and the bed room is probably 10’ X 8’.  She has one small closet to keep all her clothes in.  Another small one for her son.
 
She is secure in her home.  It has lots of locks.  Her son goes to school less than two hundred yards from her front door.  And she walks everywhere.  Her son is her life.  She sacrifices her life outside the home for his behalf.  I think that she gets very few things for herself and everything she can scrap together for her son.  Most of her ‘good’ clothes I have seen in pictures from five years ago. 

Russia does not seem to take good care of its people.  Instead, they have a robust character and can take care of themselves.  In America, the factories are all automated and production accommodates the workers.  But in Russia, if you were to walk into a factory, you would think you have gone back in time to the time of your grandparents and their work environments. 

Food is appropriated by the household based on base nutrition needs.  I have heard from many that there is plenty of meat and sweets that make up Eastern European diets.  This is not true, in my experience.  Instead, good meat only replaces sausages or no meat, maybe, once a week. 

It was intimated by another poster that my lifestyle here in Los Angeles would overwhelm a Russian woman.  My take on this is that any place in America would overwhelm a Russian woman.  When PB was here, she knew what to expect, having been here before.  But the level of luxury compared to that in her hometown was noticeable from the time she left the airport.  She did not comment directly on where we went and what we ate, but I know it was ever present in her thoughts.  When I took her shopping to a nice department store, I knew that it was a singular event that had not happened for quite a while in her life.

One of the reasons that FSUW / WM marriages fail is an inability for acclimation by the FSUW.  They experience a completely different lifestyle and must center themselves in that lifestyle or they will yoyo between affluence and self-imposed misery...

Since you closed that with this...

I know that there are elements here that will be disputed by other members of the forum.  But I also think that this line of thought should be developed and debated here so as to help couples achieve the sense of balance necessary to any marriage.   I certainly think about it at night.

If you aspire succeeding with this woman as your wife, let me suggest you exorcise that thought off your mind as soon as you can unless you subscribe to that innuendo that by you marrying this gal that you're rescuing her from some miserable life she only knew. That's borderline disgusting and arrogant of you.

So many Americans travel the world and instead of seeing the wonder and splendor in how people live their lives, we automatically cite how miserable they must be because they lack the same appointments Americans do living in their world.

jone, most people do not miss things they never have. Other folks define 'happiness and contentment' different from another, in this case 'Americans'. Harboring such thoughts you expressed is the primal reason many of these marriages fail. You haven't yet married and you already put her on a short leash - a disadvantaged person fortunate enough to have married someone as endowed and gifted like YOURSELF - the fortunate son!

Sheeeshh...From the word 'go', she already owed you everything she will ever have from here to fore. Hence, anything and everything she does from here on in must be to 'favor you' and your fill all your expectations.

Flame me if you want by telling you this, but always know this, there's a very fine line bordering the thoughts like you outlined to subliminally 'controlling' your future wife's actions to everything she will be doing once she arrives. They will always be measured by much YOU changed her fate.

You are marrying a woman from Russia. You are NOT marrying the 'Russia' from the woman. She should never ever be your minion because of your opinion of what her life was like before she ever laid eyes on you.

[jone]

GQ,

We're actually pretty close to being on the same page.  I take great joy in anything that I can do to make my woman happy.  She knows that.  We are pretty much think alike.  Your marriage is a remarkable one in that you have gone to great lengths to put your wife's aspirations ahead of your own .. and in doing so created a bond which exemplifies a successful marriage to an FSU woman - or any woman for that matter. 

The niggling feeling I get is when I watch all of these other marriages between FSU women and their Western Men crash and burn.  Present exceptions on the forum include:  Doug; Gator; 2Tall and others.

I was told recently by a good friend who married a woman from the FSU that, after less than two years of marriage, it was already breaking up.  And I see that the woman had expectations that were, my guess is, not being met.  Perhaps it was the same with the man. 

Ultimately, marriage is a journey.  Absent some type of ongoing road map, marriages go off on roads that end in dead ends.  So there is a very fine line between setting expectations for your life together in a way that ensures success and trying to control a marriage so that you get anticipated benefits from it.  And, GQ, you are absolutely right that trying to create anticipated benefits will be the death knell.

[GQBlues]

GQ,

We're actually pretty close to being on the same page.  I take great joy in anything that I can do to make my woman happy.  She knows that.  We are pretty much think alike.  Your marriage is a remarkable one in that you have gone to great lengths to put your wife's aspirations ahead of your own .. and in doing so created a bond which exemplifies a successful marriage to an FSU woman - or any woman for that matter. 

The niggling feeling I get is when I watch all of these other marriages between FSU women and their Western Men crash and burn.  Present exceptions on the forum include:  Doug; Gator; 2Tall and others.

I was told recently by a good friend who married a woman from the FSU that, after less than two years of marriage, it was already breaking up.  And I see that the woman had expectations that were, my guess is, not being met.  Perhaps it was the same with the man. 

Ultimately, marriage is a journey.  Absent some type of ongoing road map, marriages go off on roads that end in dead ends.  So there is a very fine line between setting expectations for your life together in a way that ensures success and trying to control a marriage so that you get anticipated benefits from it.  And, GQ, you are absolutely right that trying to create anticipated benefits will be the death knell.

From all the ones that I have seen, it is BECAUSE of the man.

They all shared the same 'excuse'..."considering where she came from and what kind of life she had....!"

[calmissile]

GQ,

We're actually pretty close to being on the same page.  I take great joy in anything that I can do to make my woman happy.  She knows that.  We are pretty much think alike.  Your marriage is a remarkable one in that you have gone to great lengths to put your wife's aspirations ahead of your own .. and in doing so created a bond which exemplifies a successful marriage to an FSU woman - or any woman for that matter. 

The niggling feeling I get is when I watch all of these other marriages between FSU women and their Western Men crash and burn.  Present exceptions on the forum include:  Doug; Gator; 2Tall and others.

I was told recently by a good friend who married a woman from the FSU that, after less than two years of marriage, it was already breaking up.  And I see that the woman had expectations that were, my guess is, not being met.  Perhaps it was the same with the man. 

Ultimately, marriage is a journey.  Absent some type of ongoing road map, marriages go off on roads that end in dead ends.  So there is a very fine line between setting expectations for your life together in a way that ensures success and trying to control a marriage so that you get anticipated benefits from it.  And, GQ, you are absolutely right that trying to create anticipated benefits will be the death knell.

Some observations since we were married.....

Common to any marriage, foreign or domestic..

You do not really know the person until at least a couple years into the marriage.  You do your best to evaluate your mates commitment and response to future events, but the future is uncertain until you actually have the life experience together and see how it goes.

Negotiating disagreements is common to both foreign and domestic marriages.  Using your spouses previous history and position in life is not only poor taste it can be held against you for a very long time.

For me (us) the most important quality that I find in a mate is her personality and how the personalities blend to create a happy family.

Ukraine Unique characteristics........

In my experience, it is true that Ukraine women are "all in" and will follow their mate to the end of the world if necessary.  This kind of commitment does not seem to be true for most modern, domestic, USA women. The culture in the USA has changed to where everything is about ME.

While Ukraine women are thought to be passive and a pushover, it is not true.  They can be very stubborn when they feel it is important to them.  Best to see their side of the equation and if it is not a issue critical to the family, give in!  They see it as a love element and appreciate your ability to compromise.  Probably true for any marriage.

The biggest hurdle for us has been the language barrier and the ability to find meaningful employment.  It has taken much longer than I expected for Larissa to become fluent in English.  She still thinks in Russian/Ukrainian and translates to English.  It would be very difficult for her to participate in a job interview at this stage.  Fortunately, her finding a job was not necessary to support the family.  I was recently surprised to learn from her that when applying for jobs she usually gets a response that they are looking for citizens not Green Card holders.  I have reduced my work hours about 50% and plan to spend a lot of time with her to either get her back into college or help find her a decent job.  Others seeking foreign wives might want to make a critical assessment as to whether the family can survive financially if they find the same circumstances as we have.

Another surprise to me was how quickly our (now) 8 year old daughter became fluent in English.  When I talked to the school prior to their arrival I was told to not worry about the language barrier.  A grade school child will pick up English very fast.  It was true!  Within a matter of a few months, Lisa was speaking to me in English.  She has been fluent for a couple years now and still communicates with her mother and grandmother in Russian.

There have been numerous posts that suggest that a Ukraine wife will coddle and protect their children at the expense of the husband.  I have not found this to be the case.  Yes, it is true that they coddle and protect their children but not at the expense of leaving out the husband.  She an I agree on discipline measures when necessary and I have never been called out for sending our daughter to her room for a 'time out' when she misbehaves (rarely).  In fact, Larissa has encouraged all of us to do things together as a family and often asks Lisa if she wants to go to the store or run an errand with me.  In most cases she does and it gives us a little father/daughter time together.  I have to admit that the first few weeks after they got to the USA, she was hesitant to allow me to take Lisa out of the house alone.  This passed very quickly and after the trust was established, she promotes our doing things together.

Food and Diet...   This takes some getting used to.  There are a few Ukraine dishes I like a lot but get tired of the same stuff so frequently.  We are working together to expand the menu. 

These are the things that came to mind that might be helpful to others thinking about taking the challenge of marrying a foreign wife.

[Anotherkiwi]

Food and Diet...   This takes some getting used to.  There are a few Ukraine dishes I like a lot but get tired of the same stuff so frequently.  We are working together to expand the menu. 

This is where I reckon I would be quite happy - my tastebuds are just too sensitive for me to eat so many things, so bland Ukrainian and Russian food is fine.  I do, however, draw the line at salo! 

[msmob]

... bland Ukrainian and Russian food is fine.  I do, however, draw the line at salo! 

 

I can't say I find Ukrainian origin food bland, but Salo - are we ever on the same page !

[Jumper]

From all the ones that I have seen, it is BECAUSE of the man.

They all shared the same 'excuse'..."considering where she came from and what kind of life she had....!"

Seems to be the case most often,hence the entire MOB  stereotype .


However I've recently known a few cases where the man was pretty much a very good ,supportive  husband  ,and the wife just feeling her mid thirties , 40s wild oats. Even leaving their child with the father. And their own rw friends shaking their heads.
So exceptions certainly exit regardless cross cultural marraige.

Calmissile, re: Ukrainian traits -

Personally cant say that I could make any real generalities .
Of all the couples I've known personally, vast majority of women learned English pretty fast and if wanting to found reasonable employment fairly easily.
 This maybe regional,as there are likely a more than a  million eastern Europeans in the area.

 As far as their relationships, all varied greatly , just like domestic marriages.

The generality I would make is:
I mostly see two distinct types.

One set that has a great deal of difficulty with culture shock, hates everything here, and surrounds themselves pretty exclusively with other fsuw. Tend to be negative or rather pessimistic regardless topic, and relish recounting the misery if others.they seldom really seem to get past the culture shock, it just wanes,but very very slowly.
 A second set who generally are positive, and take the differences in culture in stride, from day one, or at least really consider the good and bad of both cultures with an objective view. They tend to truly embrace their new environment,  make local friends easily ,and often to the exclusion of those from similar cultures. They may have a few fsuw friends , but often kept at arms lenght.

I seldom see any middle ground , and that's what is more surprising than the polar opposites lol.

As always YMMV

[ML]

A second set who generally are positive, and take the differences in culture in stride, from day one, or at least really consider the good and bad of both cultures with an objective view. They tend to truly embrace their new environment,  make local friends easily ,and often to the exclusion of those from similar cultures. They may have a few fsuw friends , but often kept at arms length.

This past month we seem to have been engaged in more social events than normal.  So a lot of interaction with both native born Americans and our local group of Ukrainian friends who mostly all work at the University.

Spouse surprised me a little bit by declaring yesterday that she is beginning to think that she likes to be around the natives rather than the Ukrainians.  When I asked her why . . . she couldn't really pinpoint the specific reasons.

But I don't think there will be any move to lessen interaction with the Ukrainians.

[Jumper]

Mine would certainly tell you.
It's because she finds Americans generally more positive, less drama ,
And less negative gossip about others.
Yes generality, but in her experience that is the case so she's much more likely to make local non Slavic friends.
Even with a few Russian friends they tend to laugh at themselves about this negativity, and say *frekkin Russian community* with eyes rolled over some typical *Russian group drana*

Yes, I point out the irony, of them lamenting gossip ,while gossiping about such gossip.

So I have that going for me,which is nice. (Movie quotesRus)