Emotional abuse

[Fiorella]

[font="Arial,Helvetica,Univers,Zurich BT"][size=-1]Many women find that emotional abuse is difficult to name or even talk about. They often wonder if it is serious because you cannot see it, like bruises or broken bones. Emotionally abused women state that one of the biggest problems they face is that others seldom take it seriously.  These questions will help you identify if you are being emotionally abused, and provide some ideas on what you can do about it.
What is your relationship like?

• Do you feel that something is wrong with your relationship, but you don't know how to describe it? [/*]
  
• Do you feel that your partner controls your life? [/*]
  
• Do you feel that your partner does not value your thoughts or feelings? [/*]
  
• Will your partner do anything to win an argument, such as put you down, threaten or intimidate you? [/*]
  
• Does your partner get angry and jealous if you talk to someone else?  Are you accused of having affairs? [/*]
  
• Do you feel that you cannot do anything right in your partner's eyes? [/*]
  
• Do you get mixed messages, such as the reason you are abused is because he loves you? [/*]
  
• Are you told that no one else would want you, or that you are lucky your partner takes care of you? [/*]
  
• Do you have to account for every moment of your time? [/*]
  
• When you try to talk to your partner about problems, are you called names such as bitch or nag? [/*]
  
• Are you prevented from going to work or school, or from learning English? [/*]
  
• Does your partner threaten to withdraw your sponsorship or send you back to your country of origin? [/*]
  
• If you wish to spend money, does your partner make you account for every penny, [/*]
  
• or say you don't deserve anything? [/*]
  
• After an argument, does your partner insist that you have sex as a way to make up? [/*]
  
• Does he use the children against you in arguments?  Does your partner threaten that you will never see the children again if you leave? [/*]
  
• Does your partner blame you for everything that goes wrong?

[/*]
What can you do about it?

• Realize that emotional abuse is a serious problem and you can get help. [/*]
  
• Recognize that emotional abuse is as bad or worse than physical abuse. [/*]
  
• Take your own safety and the safety of your children seriously. [/*]
  
• Know that emotional abuse can lead to physical violence or death. [/*]
  
• Know that you are not to blame for your partner's abusive behaviour. [/*]
  
• Find people to talk to that can support you. Consider going for counselling. [/*]
  
• Do not give up if community professionals are not helpful. Keep looking for [/*]
  
• Someone that will listen to you and take emotional abuse seriously. [/*]
  
• Recognize that you have the right to make your own decisions, in your own time, and that dealing with any form of abuse may take time. [/*]
  
• Trust yourself and your own experiences. Believe in your own strengths. Remember that you are your own best source of knowledge and strength, and that you already have the tools you need to survive.   [/*]

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[Bruce]

This is a feed the troll thread.

[Elen]

Don't think so because no one wife of yours visits this board so there is nobody to discuss issue:P

[Fiorella]

This is a feed the troll thread.

Yes? Now I am the troll? Do you more like to read about how terrible russian wives file false abuse to their innocent american husbands? Happily, in internet are lots of places where russian women can find support and advices how to stop abusers.

[jb]

My wife reads this board regularly, and routinely laughs at the nonsense posted by Elen and kervina.  She calls them spletnitsa (freely translated = scandal monger, pot stirrer, gossip trader, etc.)

[Elen]

 If your wife has anything to say then let she does that by herself and in Russian. Until then it's only your words and nothing more, because you yourself with that  "my wife tells" of yours are more close to "spletnik" than we with Kvina:P

[Bruno]

Fiorella, why do you think that man always abuse woman... the reverse situation is true too... several woman abuse of man but the man don't complain... Why ? Because nobody believe him, he fear to be ridiculous, ...

Sexual abuse : what about woman who prohibith sex to husband if he don't buy for her what she will... of she use sex for forgive fault...

Financial abuse : usually, woman use money of the man... sometime, she steel it...

Physical abuse : speciality of man

Mental abuse : speciality of woman... become hysteric when they cannot "win" a discution... use children in the fight...

Yes, now woman have the same right that man have before... but what about man, he have not the same right that woman... why in the majority, it is the woman who have the right to keep children, why it is the man who need to pay...

It was only for explain that abuse is not only a problem of woman... several man live it too... they are happy to go work and fear to come back home... because some "dragon" wait him in his "sweet home"...

Now, some link for you :

* Domestic Violence and Abuse: Types, Signs, Symptoms, Causes, and Effects

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

* [font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]Local Resources for Noncitizen Survivors of Domestic Violence[/font][font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]
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http://www.womenslaw.org/immigrants.htm

 

[Jet]

  

LMAO!

The above quoted lines from the original post  are the ones that my wife has "pulled" (or tried to, anyway) on me over her first year in the US. (As for the lwithdraw your sponsorship one, she has tried the "So, do you want a divorce? I'll just go back to Russia and your life will be much easier." pretty much anytime she feels she is losing ground in an argument.) Does this mean I'm "emotionally abused"??? Or does this term only apply when the man does it to the woman? When the woman does it, it's called "adjustment to the new culture", now isn't it??? [/size][/font]

[anzo]

Actually, a number of the questions Fiorella cites have been occuring to a lady friend in St. Pete who married an American a little over a year ago. A really insecure guy who justs goes right down the list of "How to be a jerk".  But fortunately she has figured this out and is passing up her visa interview in May and divorcing the SOB from Russia without risking physical abuse or emotional/psyco damage. Good, smart girl.

Anzo

[ConnerVT]

Man, I feel terrible for you, Jet!  How difficult it must all be for you.  Perhaps we can all get together a support group, and help you through these difficult times...

[BC]

Jet,

Right along there with you buddy.. same same here :+)

That first year is really a bear, glad you survived it!

Guess this could go into the 'double standards' thread..

In all seriousness, there are a lot of wierdos out there on both sides of the fence.  'Know thy partner' prevails.. (no surprise there). If you want to push the envelope don't be surprised with your results.

[Maxx]

I found this gem of a thread just now. Know your partner indeed!

Reading through that site it is easy to see that any disagreement between a RW and her WM spouse can be seen as or used as a emotional/psychological/verbal abuse charge. We are all abusers at one time or another using their definition of such. Thank God most of you are not on Federal File in USCIS (INS) computers as being one.

Maxx

[Donna_Pedro]

LMAO... Being married to someone like myself  its a man who needs to be afraid of being emotionally  abused. :cool: 

Silly rabbit... Tricks are for kids...

 

 

[Maxx]

Donna, IMO if you kiss and make up afterwards and love your husband it is not abuse. Just two passionate people disagreeing passionately (of course no physical abuse in any of this). Like I wrote two years ago. I would love to have a lamp thrown at me now and then if my wife loved me. I would accept the double standard of wife's throwing non lethal objects and husbands not if there is makeup love afterwards   

Maxx