Financial responibility of a future spouses welfare and social services question

[LiveFromUkraine]

Why don't you guys help me out instead of smashing me down.  If any one of you have been divorced more than once you should be totally supporting me.

You sound like a victim now. 


Plenty of us have been divorced and still don't agree with your views.  Instead of being dumbfounded why we don't agree with you, you should take a step back and look at what could be wrong with your approach and thinking.


Prenups are not a bad thing.  The line of thinking about giving her a couple grand and a plane ticket if things don't work out is why you're getting "attacked".   


It doesn't sound like you are over your last marriage.  Looking over your post, it reeks of fear and desperation.  Both will kill any future relationship you get in.  No doubt you will consider this an attack instead of objectively looking over our posts and doing some introspective analysis. 


You don't want to be used for your money and handyman skills.  Well, I haven't met any women who want to be used for their beauty and homemaking skills.  Yet you are going to throw this lucky woman a couple of grand if things don't work out?  Lucky girl.


This is your first rodeo, not ours.  Like it or not, we are giving you good advice.  You just don't want to hear it.


Also, since I am in a helping mood today, you will have a difficult time finding a woman who doesn't want kids.  Even if a woman states she doesn't want kids doesn't mean she won't change her mind later.   Yes, we have seen this before.

[Faux Pas]

All I am getting is attacked . I have been through the divorce and stood in front of the judge and had 50% of my children's life taken away from me.  All because of a woman I love was caught fooling around with her boss.  So forgive me if I seem to push the prenup/Trust issues which I do know the rules .I know them well. I also know the damage a woman can do to a man and to his finances for the rest of his life. Just because I protect myself does not make me ugly, fat, and greedy.  I have seen 50% of my wealth which took 20 years to grow vanish for something I did not do. That will never happen again.

Marriage is a contract between two people and the government. It is not just about love. It's about money!

No woman is going to come into my life in the 4th inning and leave in the 7th and take all my lifes work and income away from me.

A prenup creates a fair and even playing field. I know what I am talking about and I know what I am talking about with a trust. Will every single prenup hold up in every single court in the USA most likely not. But prenups if done correctly will hold up and they do.. Correctly is the key because most men get them after they ask the woman to get married and those don't hold up in court! The prenup must be done before you ask her!!!! Must.

Prenups can last a lifetime if that is how the prenup is drawn up.

A will is for when I die and I want my stuff to be divided up how I want it divided. I can leave anything I want to anyone I want in a will.

I came here for help not insults about how greedy I am and lonely. Gee wiz. Aren't we all supposed to be on the same team. you guys typing doesn't not make what you say true, nor what I type.

The answer to my original question is:    Do I need to pay social services for a full 10 years if I marry a foreign woman. The answer is NO. Once she has her green card she is responsible for herself.

Why couldn't I get some real info here.

Why don't you guys help me out instead of smashing me down.  If any one of you have been divorced more than once you should be totally supporting me.


I came here for answers to questions

You're not getting attacked. It might feel that way (and it should) but I haven't seen anyone attack you, including me. Most men on this forum have been divorced at least once. Some much more than that so, that's not necessarily the advice you "should" be seeking here IMHO. How about how to find an FSUW and later how to date an FSUW and eventually, how to make a marriage work to an FSUW. All of those things many here have plenty of valuable experience with. How to hide, dodge and obfuscate your assets from a woman deserving of them, this is probably not the best bunch to query.

Love is only about money if you make it about money and, obviously you have. Your ex was banging the boss eh? It's not the end of the world and why should anyone here lead you to find another woman to take your frustrations out on? You're in a bad place brah. You need to work on yourself before hoodwinking some unsuspecting woman to dealing with your baggage and you do have some.

[52topps]

I'm not in a bad place I'm think logical! I'm not angry. simple stating things that have happened in the past does not make me hateful.

I'm done thanks for your help

[Faux Pas]

I'm not in a bad place I'm think logical! I'm not angry. simple stating things that have happened in the past does not make me hateful.

I'm done thanks for your help

You're welcome 

[BC]

All I am getting is attacked . I have been through the divorce and stood in front of the judge and had 50% of my children's life taken away from me.  All because of a woman I love was caught fooling around with her boss.  So forgive me if I seem to push the prenup/Trust issues which I do know the rules .I know them well. I also know the damage a woman can do to a man and to his finances for the rest of his life. Just because I protect myself does not make me ugly, fat, and greedy.  I have seen 50% of my wealth which took 20 years to grow vanish for something I did not do. That will never happen again.

Why don't you guys help me out instead of smashing me down.  If any one of you have been divorced more than once you should be totally supporting me.


I came here for answers to questions

Although I can't read your mind, you are still obviously hurting very badly and acting out of emotion and not reason.  Just my opinion but if you really love your wife and sounds like you still do, what kept you from attempting to reconcile the situation and even forgive your wife?  Did she not love you anymore? or was it maybe an overreaction on your part to push for divorce? 

I'm not asking for the details, just trying to prod you to look at your situation objectively and with as much emotional distance as possible to assess if those same emotions are controlling and pushing you towards an 'easier softer way' pushing you to jump in the deep end of the RW scene when you haven't learned to swim again yet..

I'm not being mean spirited or unkind, but when I went through some rather difficult emotional times I went to the local pound and found a friend in a similar situation.  We got along great, helped each other out for many happy years and even met plenty of other friends to play with

[52topps]

I did work it out with her, counseling, counseling and counseling. I'm not crazy.

Then guess what. She did it again with another man. and another and another.

I'm sure all of you will say it's all my fault if she keep cheating. If you think that your nuts

I'm am the gold standard when it comes to being a good husband and father.

I'm over her, especially since she got married 90 days after the divorce was done. I'm sure that's my fault as well because I'm an ugly pig.

Being a strong man doesn't make me an ugly jerk pig face.  I will just not allow myself to be take advantage of!

[LiveFromUkraine]

Glad to see you moved on.  Good luck!

[2tallbill]

I am looking for a woman 30-45 without kids. No 19 years olds with a 3 year old.

I am not going to question your goals or your intentions. I'm sure by now you realize
that protecting your assets is a job for professionals in your area and the forum members
are probably not professionals in your area.

The forum wasn't designed for advice on asset protection. that's a highly specialized
field and it varies a lot from country to country and from state to state. If your assets
are under $250K then don't even worry about it. It's going to cost you most of that if
you get divorced
[that is 2tallbills opinion and worth exactly what you are paying for it]

Now let's get to what the forum can actually do, which is to give you advice
about seeking, finding, courting and marrying a good FSUW and information
on the language, history, culture, travel tips, food and customs etc.

98.34%* of FSUW who are under 40 who have no child will want one. There aren't
30 year old women who have adult children. If you find a 30 year old who is
childless and says she doesn't want children there is a 95.4% chance that
she will change her mind at some point in the future.

You need to find a childless woman who is 39-45 or one in that age range who
had a child when she was young. Here's the math, if she had a child when she
was 21 (got pregnant when she was 20) then the child would be 18 when she's
39. Seeking out a woman who was much younger when she got pregnant could
be risky. Do you really want to try to find a woman who was raped by her
stepfather, had a child when she was 15? and who is perfectly normal
today? If so, go to I_loveunicorns.com

Udachi!

Bill

* I made the percentages up, but consider it a very, very high percentage.

[2tallbill]

I'm over her, especially since she got married 90 days after the divorce was done. I'm sure that's my fault as well because I'm an ugly pig.

Being a strong man doesn't make me an ugly jerk pig face.  I will just not allow myself to be take advantage of!

You will get criticized by somebody here if you give out many personal details.
So in my opinion you should either not give them out or don't get offended by
anything or both (best solution).


Udachi!

Bill

[Boethius]

So the mother of your children received half of the marital property, and you're upset at that because she cheated on you. 

I agree with LFU.  I am a lawyer.  I would never have entered into a pre nup personally, as I believe they create a barrier in trust, and I just wouldn't marry someone I didn't trust with every aspect of my life.  However, from a legal perspective, yes, I advise clients to obtain them.  The issue is not that you want a pre nup, it is that there is no semblance of fairness in what you desire.  You are looking at it from a purely selfish perspective.

[Boethius]

You will get criticized by somebody here if you give out many personal details.
So in my opinion you should either not give them out or don't get offended by
anything or both (best solution).


Udachi!

Bill

No Bill, he is not being criticized because of his personal details.  He is being criticized because of the attitude he conveys.

[2tallbill]

No Bill, he is not being criticized because of his personal details.  He is being criticized because of the attitude he conveys.

There are 12 members and 88 guests reading this thread, when I looked. I was giving
general advice that others can follow rather than just the OP. Getting defensive/offended
won't be productive in any case.

Udachi!

Bill

[BC]

The issue is not that you want a pre nup, it is that there is no semblance of fairness in what you desire.  You are looking at it from a purely selfish perspective.

Maybe not totally selfish per se but instead seeking some insurance policy that does not exist?  I'm still hearing a good bit of emotional hurt.

In any case, certainly not a good emotional starting position for this venture where even the best of situation and intent rarely works out or can take a long, winding and even bumpy path.

[Boethius]

Well, that's generous, BC.  From my perspective, he wishes to punish a foreign woman for the sins of his ex wife. 

[52topps]

Why would I want to punish another woman for my exwife. If I find a foreign woman I'm going to take good care of her. She just can't take the kitchen sink with her if she leaves.

[Boethius]

Your posts indicate this.


Unless you live in a community property jurisdiction, there is usually an equitable division of assets.  So her "getting the kitchen sink" is unlikely.

[LiveFromUkraine]

Your posts indicate this.


Unless you live in a community property jurisdiction, there is usually an equitable division of assets.  So her "getting the kitchen sink" is unlikely.

Half the sink.  I would recommend a double basin sink just in case.   

[ML]

* I made the percentages up, but consider it a very, very high percentage.

That was obvious because everyone knows the actual percentage is 97.78%.

[ML]

Unless you live in a community property jurisdiction, there is usually an equitable division of assets.  So her "getting the kitchen sink" is unlikely.

But Boe surely you know this is not true.

Several posters have indicated that women get an unfair advantage in the settlement . . . even not considering any children.  And I know this to be true.

The reasoning is that judges know that women's groups will raise hell and insure that any judge who does not favor women will not be elected or appointed in the next go around.

Men on the other hand, are the real pussies in this, because there do not exist men's groups that will march and carry banners to protest the unfair treatment.

OK, yes there are some men's groups, but they have been ineffective.

[52topps]

In a prenup you must list that in this marriage "we do not have community property". It must say that in the prenup brothers!

[alex330]

In a prenup you must list that in this marriage "we do not have community property". It must say that in the prenup brothers!

That may impact things with USCIS as the specifically ask for proof of communal property. Maybe a member with more insight can add to this....

[52topps]

hat may impact things with USCIS as the specifically ask for proof of communal property.

What is USCIS ?

[alex330]

hat may impact things with USCIS as the specifically ask for proof of communal property.

What is USCIS ?

Immigration. You need to prove co-mingling of assets like I mentioned upthread with my house. Joint bank account, adding her to your will and insurance (health, car, life, etc), having a child, adding wife to the deed of your home, etc. Otherwise she goes back to Eastern Europe.


USCIS is starting to clamp down lately and looking into marriages a bit more thoroughly from what I have seen down here.

[Turboguy]

Alex brought up a really good point.   For her to get her green card you do need to prove a valid marriage by showing that your assets are commingled.   When we did that I showed my wife's name on one utility bill.  I showed her name on one property (which wasn't our main residence) and showed us having a joint checking account. 


if you don't do that the odds of her getting a green card are slim.

[Turboguy]

Most men feel the woman raked him over the coals in a divorce and most women feel they got the short end of the stick.  You seem like you divorce has been rough on you but it seems to me that you are letting yourself be too affected by it. 


You say you are going to put everything into a trust.   Will that be a revocable or irrevocable trust?  If it is revocable it won't mean much since it can be "revoked".  If it is irrevocable those assets aren't really yours anymore.  You have the right to use them and to profit from them but you don't own them anymore.   I am guessing the ownership would pass to your kids.   So what happens if 10 years from now your kids don't speak to you anymore and hate your guts and your wife turns out to the the most loving supporting person in the world that you would like to pass things to if you had not created the trust.


My wife and I talked about a prenup.  Actually we both wanted one.  As we dug into it we just decided it wasn't worth the cost or effort.  My wife actually was more worried about the early period before she had much market value in America.  Since she was giving up her family, her friends and a good job to come marry me she wanted to feel secure.  In her mind once she had adapted to life in America and had marketable skills and the ability to survive on her own she felt more secure without the benefits a prenup could have given her.


As I understand the divorce laws here in America if you live in a community property state she is entitled to half of what you have immediately on marriage and in most other states she is legally entitled to half of any gain in the net worth added during the duration of the marriage which to me seems fair.  Of course in reality the wife often seems to get the benefit of any doubt but for the most part divorces that are childless are not too unfair.   In reality most divorces are quite fair.  The wife gets 50 % of the assets and the lawyer gets the other 50%.