allenkey - how I got here..

[allenkey]

part I

December 31st 1999 - Life Changing Moment – my Father drops dead – early morning - on Millennium Eve – playing golf ( only 64 yrs old) – I end up spending the ‘big night’ 1500 miles away from my kids ( whom I’ve left in the UK)  in Southern Spain, to comfort my Mum and need to sort out getting Dad’s body back.....   While I’m stuck there,  a rather large cheque, from my biggest client – representing 80% of my profit - bounces..  I’ve gone from ‘success’ to ‘impotent’...
5 months later they go under, owing me more than my house  – that we nearly owned outright - was worth.. it was dotcom crash time, and this company had had the highest credit rating and I didn’t insure their debt ..

I came home from Spain and during Dad’s funeral, decide that I will never have a marriage like my parents’ ...
Not unsurprisingly, my then Wife – realising our life-style is about to take a big ‘hit’  - starts wanting financial reassurances I can’t give – I have company is currently insolvent, for gawd’s sake.. So we ‘agree’ [ she went to Court and got what I’d offered ! ] that she can keep the proceeds of the house sale –  and now I’m a ‘bachelor’ of forty-one living with Mum...  Not exactly, good marriage material..  

Ex-wife found someone else- and I felt a BIG ‘guilt’ lifted from my shoulders..

Some ‘mates’ from the Sailing Club, put my profile on a dating site – now ‘swallowed’ by match.com – and I found myself getting letters from Russian speaking ladies...  ( NOTE: I never seriously considered a profile of anyone a decade younger than I – and rejected – out of hand –  letters from them.. So being ‘scammed’ has never been an issue.)  

The Soviet Union and it’s demise had always intrigued me and I got work that allowed me to travel to Berlin and Hamburg – you could still feel the differences from former Soviet Block cities and those never under Soviet control..  I had read the works of Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn – after being entranced by ‘One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich’ – and I talked with ‘Ossies’ – former East Germans who had good and bad to tell of those times.
So when I got a letter from a Russian speaker in Cyprus – I was considering a life changing new start – I decided to respond – and combined a visit with checking out the chances of  biz idea I had..

I got offered a Directorship of a Cypriot biz,  that said they would finance my idea, and rented a house, near the sea.

The Cypriot turned out to be a guy who wanted my idea, but wasn’t going to share fairly, so I left within four months - to make my own biz, and the Russian speaking lady bought her own place –deciding I was high risk!! She introduced me to lots of Russian speakers, and I preferred their company- The Brits/ Irish tended to enjoy life in a bar too much – I prefer the outdoor life..
I ended up doing OK, and took on a Russian speaker, Alexey, who REALLY helped my Russian, while he improved his English... We had nought in common – save our work – we ‘discussed’ politics as we drove to clients and he told me I needed a’ good Russian wife’..

I returned to the dating sites and now had the ‘benefit’ of knowing some Russian and ‘customs’.. but I hadn’t BEEN to the ‘real’ Former Soviet Union..  YET..
There was no-one to ‘guide’ me in which site was ‘good/ bad’ and I was ‘attracted’ by the ‘Anastassias’ and ‘Army of Brides’ type,  pay per letter sites.. [MUG]...  I’m not saying there aren’t real ladies there, but if they didn’t want to ‘go direct’.. to leave the ‘gravy train’ - I moved on quickly.
I also decided that I would ONLY seek a lady who could speak enough English to communicate via phone  - HAH ! – read on, to see how I failed to listen to my own counsel ...
So, that’s it for today- until the next part.( next weekend) .. but I need to point out that there won’t be photos of any lady I met -  I’m thinking of my Wife, them, and any guy they might of subsequently met.. that’s all... If anyone is interested enough to read – I hope they might learn from my experiences / mistakes / ‘triumphs’ ..

WEEKLY ‘BIG HELP’ CLUES OF THE WEEK:  
1/ Take off your shoes off when entering the home of FSU folk

2/ Learn the Cyrillic alphabet.. you’ll be AMAZED at how much easier it is to understand many Russian words..

3/ Read novels written by famous folk from the region

4/ Watch English versions of films made about the region - WHY? Most ladies you meet will be impressed that you were interested...  

5/  DO NOT start off this venture with 'empty pockets'


photo - picnic in the moutains - with Russians living on the island - I was courting my eventual wife.

photo two - end result - the Siberian Princess

Part 2 next week

[Lily]

The blond lady on the right looks like a real Siberian Queen 

[allenkey]

Hi Belle Lily !

hmm..except, she is a 'non-citizen' of Latvia  

[dogspot]

Cool story msmoby allenkey. I look forward to reading more. Thanks for sharing.

[allenkey]

You can't call me that .... 

[Lily]

Thank you dogspot so no one can call you that msmoby, but you reserve the right of doing it yourself? 

[ML]

but I need to point out that there won’t be photos of any lady I met

Followed by pictures of ladies.  Strange!

[Revie_revver]

Part II ( someone seems determined to stop me publishing this to the end     )

I returned to the dating sites - checking out AWeb, Army of Brides - both use the pay by letter opened / read biz model - and realised this was a 'mug's game' ..

I sought out the ladies on other dating sites...

My 'target' age range was max seven years years younger than myself [ I was 43 ] - preferably the lady had been married and had kids - I have two kids and CAN'T have any more...I am a 'Jaffa' - seedless - having had a vasectomy, at 41 - my choice.  

I was seeking a women who could speak English to a passable level, via the phone  - not many FSUW had fast enough internet for SKYPE.. an I HATE 'chat'....

All these 'criteria' severely limited my choice - but I think it was realistic.

Aweb, Army of Brides, Behappy2day and their ilk, continued to suggest ladies of 22 wanted to have my babies  

I was even getting 'help' from divorced FSU ladies in Limassol, Cyprus ...I helped them with THEIR profiles and vice-versa...  They would cook me a meal and I'd set up their new broadband connection and profiles   I still sell connectivity via satellite to clients where cabled solutions aren't possible ...  We would even go to the beach at the weekends and I would be their 'chaperone' .. Most Cypriot men didn't bother them, when I was presnt - as they didn't know which lady was my g/f

I found a site called eastwestmatch.com [now leads to http://www.club10.com/ which I can't comment on ] It was possible to see who was looking at your profile, send PMs and  'chat'... my profiles always made it clear that I would not appreciate the 'opening move' being a 'chat', as normally the lady clearly hadn't bothered to READ my profile and was 'vacuous'

My work took me to various places and I was asked to do some work in SPb ( St.Petersburg)..somewhere I've always wanted to see.  One lady, a linguist from another city, agreed to meet me there and we hit it off. I got to see many sites in SpB thanks to her and the company I was with, and learnt loads about Russia.

This lady came to Cyprus for a holiday with her daughter ( 17 yrs old) but although she was just about perfect, as a partner, she was kind enough to tell me that she had a STD from a previous relationship and offered me the option of - 'not progressing' .... to my discredit I took a long time to decide and the lady even invited me to visit her home city - but I ultimately declined...   Was I 'selfish'? May be so.. but I think this would always have concerned me and sexual compatibility is important .

Lessons learnt

1/ Be truthful in your profile re wishes for the type of marriage / partnership you seek

2/ Be sure you can communicate and have common core values {spelling edited -thx  Donhollio }

3/ You MUST see St Petersburg with someone that is proud of Russian Art / Culture

4/ Sorry - it should be obvious - DO NOT have unprotected intercourse - even oral sex  - unless you are sure of the partner - and be sure to have discussed WHY, before hand ..lest she thinks you a prude.. [ For anyone who believes that you should refrain from such things until after marriage - sorry]  *I* think this might apply to adults of a younger age - who have never been married - and can 'court' more conventionally  

Next Week: Kiev/ Kyiv


photo : Beach life - with Russians - my birthday