Knocking on Doors....

[Noyrt]

Looking for opinions or experiences to this effect, good or bad.

Basically buying an address, while in a particular city, then going to her home and knocking, or leaving a letter (outside of using an agency office for contact or to arrange first meeting.) 

  I have have attempted it twice and somehwhat succeded once.   My story to follow later, if anyone is interrested.  But like everything, I wanted to explore other opinions, before I would try it again.

Thanks, Noyrt

 

[sledder]

Man talk about a suprise meeting.   I don't know if I would have tried that.  It seems like a tremendous surprise for her.  Beyond the address did you know anything about her?  Obviously she knew nothing about you.  I'm not sure what it costs to use the agency but it seems whatever it is it would be worth it to have some introduction and give her a heads up.  From the 15000 ft level it just seems like there might be a better way.  Of course the chances of meeting that particular girl during the course of a normal day are astronimical as well.  I don't know but I think going to the agency may be the only logical path if you are trying to meet a particular girl.  I guess I put myself in her shoes if she just showed up at my doorstep and said hi I saw your picture in the catalog and wanted to meet you I find that meeting a little ackward perhaps.

Just my thoughts........

Alan

[Marc Dayton]

What would you do if a man opend the door and kicked your ass!

[Noyrt]

[user=170]Marc Dayton[/user] wrote:

What would you do if a man opend the door and kicked your ass!

 

I would know she wan't available and "shouldn't" be listing herself on the internet! Of course,  if I lived. 

[Elen]

Basically buying an address, while in a particular city, then going to her home and knocking

yeah,yeah!!:? and you risk to be turn down by good woman just because she is too nervous and angry with you as she has not time to color her hair and make proper "face":D Women NEVER forgive such things:X:D

 

[Noyrt]

Alan your pretty much right, but I will try to elaborate a little for the education of anyone who may have contemplated this also.

It was a little desperation, a little bit of running out of time (as it sometimes takes an agency a few days to coordinate a meeting, and I hate sitting around waiting, or waking the streets aimlessly, hoping for chance.) So I thought to explore with some addresses I had.

1st attempt, in Poltava, I had visited the agency, and after 2 meetings managed to get a date with a girl who actuatally worked at the agency:D, though that had to be sort of quietly asked. But she had been sweet to me since I had walked in the first day, and I really liked her also.  So with her went well for the first few dates, real casual, then as I wanted to continue seeing her, as I had lots of time, she stated she couldn't see me anymore and walked away crying. What??? Never had this problem before, never even kissed her. So puzzled what I had done I tried again to call her in following days, but though she met me agian, it came to the same conclusion after dinner and the movie?  Ok, I'm at a loss? Wasn't sure if it was a test or a game, but I made it clear I liked her and had time to spend with her, but she wasn't showing the same effort.  So I left  her alone, basically. But now I couldn't return the the office of the agency where she worked to meet others.  Cause I sitll liked her, more than whom of any,  I had seen online at her agency! 

So I had an address of one other girl, so figured what the heck.  Went on walkabout looking, ended up out from town in a sort of dacha plantation (as an veterin has seen) . So walking through this area was  bit creapy, as I was out of the city and felt like I was in the hood.  Walking up and down rows looking for the correct # on a house and the street, I got many strange looks from the locals, dogs barking at me freakin everywhere, etc.  So I am questioned by one local as to why I am here, hmmm not good... So I say I am just looking for a friends house. "Who",  he replied. (I'm in trouble now) So when in doubt play dumb a little and give the name.  He knew her.. Ouch and seems they lived right across from him, as he pointed to the house.

He was a little scary to look at but seemed friendly enough.  Didn't speak a word of english, but I managed to understand him enough that he offered to help.  He told me to wait. Though I tought to run, I figured what the heck again. I waited, and he returned with a cell phone.  I thought he would call her, but as it was 'I think' he called her father and after what seemed an eternity on the phone came to the conclusion that he/they didn't want me meeting her.  Though obviously they (she) was not at home.  So politely he said they are not here and she is away.  Ok, Thanks for the help, good day.  Shook hands and walked away. 

So after contemplating the past 30 minutes, I needed  the long walk back to  the nearest bus stop, to return to town.. 

I guess I'm a little crazy,  but hey I tried...  

Story "II" to follow later...  Noyrt.

[Noyrt]

Basically buying an address, while in a particular city, then going to her home and knocking

yeah,yeah!!:? and you risk to be turn down by good woman just because she is too nervous and angry with you as she has not time to color her hair and make proper "face":D Women NEVER forgive such things:X:D

 
[/quote]
 

Yep,, your right, but you would know right away how she really lived, before wasting weeks, with her not knowing if she is lying about having a child, who is at home with mom. It has has happened to me, also.

  I don't know it was a spur of the moment thing.....  I know I'm a little crazy. 

My 2nd Story is better.  Later.....

[Elen]

before wasting weeks, with her not knowing if she is lying about having a child

What did stop you to ask her to show her local passport? There is information about kids under 14 and "present" husband there

[Kvinna]

before wasting weeks, with her not knowing if she is lying about having a child

What did stop you to ask her to show her local passport? There is information about kids under 14 and "present" husband there
[/quote]
 

Hm... I would never send a copy of my ID (passport) to strangers...

[Elen]

I'm about meeting in reality I woud not be offened if feance woudl ask me about this

[Kvinna]

I'm about meeting in reality I woud not be offened if feance woudl ask me about this

only if he sent you a copy of his ID

[Elen]

of course:D And besides I 'm going only to "show" my passport without  making any copies

[Bruno]

Kvinna wrote :
[line]
Hm... I would never send a copy of my ID (passport) to strangers...
[line]


Why not ? It is a very good method for build some trust in the begin... this allow to remove the suspicious about scammer from the very beginning... i always join a copy of my national and international passport with my introduction letter... and i ask the same to the ladies...

[Muzh]

It happened to my wife, a week before I was going to meet her for the first time. A California dude that wrote her a couple of letters showed up out of the blue and asked to meet with her. My wife told me that he was a total turn off because:

1) he was in a hurry and it showed. He told her he was flying back to California the next day and wanted a response regarding a possible relationship that day.

2) He was not romantic, just matter-of-fact. She felt like merchandise.

3) And the best part, he was not me. My wife has told me many times that the reason she got involved with me was that I made her feel at ease when we talked. She was not so sure when she was reading my emails, but that changed immediately the first time we talked on the phone.

I'm not saying it can't happen, everyone is different. But in hindsight, our approach of spending time on the phone to get to know each other before a face-to-face meeting improved our odds tremendously.

IMHO, the true real RW want to be swept off their feet. There is not enough money in the world that will accomplish that. Hint: My wife received hundreds of letters from WM. All of them professed to be romantic and the more they did, the more she laughed. Why? Because they were not sincere.

Any man that can show his sincerity towards a woman, any woman, and is able to convey this message to her has the battle half won. Any man that will try his best effort into doing the above and will not get the appropriate results should move on.

[wavshrdr]

I'd like to point out a reason NOT to do this. Most RW don't want it known that they are interested in meeting a foreigner. In many towns this is sort of like having the old scarlet letter on your blazer. If you turn out to be her toad instead of her prince, she will have to live with it forever! Don't be an idiot and respect her right to privacy.

If you want to meet an RW in person, go learn Russian and chat one up when you are vacation. It is very easy to meet RW if you speak even a little Russian you will see what I mean. Then you aren't limited to finding the ones that speak English. Some of the best RW I've met have been in chance encounters and only because I spoke Russian.

You don't have to know a lot to even have a chance to have a date. As we all know (or you should know), communication is not JUST words! Even when I was still struggling to learn Russian I met some amazing women. Even when my vocabulary was maybe 200 words it opened up an huge number of doors for me and I have some incredible experiences to remember and recount to my friends.

Of course I would be remiss if I neglected to state the obvious, even knowing a little Russian can show the ladies that you aren't the normal foreign shmuck that is trying to court them. It does show a deeper level of understanding on your part. Not a bad thing in her eyes. If you do happen marry one you will better appreciate the effort on her part to learn YOUR language if she doesn't already speak it well.

Just don't go knocking on some woman's door without first announcing it. I almost got beat up even when I was expected by the woman because her father was home and didn't know I was coming and she stepped out. Turns out her 2 brothers were home too. I knew I could kick 2 of their butts but I didn't know about 3. Odds weren't in my favor. Fortunately my trusty Russian ability while poor at that time did come in handy. It wouldn't have been fun to explain to her later why I put her dad and 1 brother in the hospital and while her other brother and I probably would have looked like crap. Instead we were all toasting vodka later and get sh!t-faced and had a great time. To this day were are still great friends and joke about our "Russian-standoff". So don't leave her to clean up the mess you create!

[Elen]

Phew! Fathers, brothers....:? MOTHERs are those who you should be afraid:P You can't buy them with some vodka as you easely can do with males:P

[wavshrdr]

Phew! Fathers, brothers....:? MOTHERs are those who you should be afraid:P You can't buy them with some vodka as you easely can do with males:P

Maybe not... but for that there are always flowers! Flowers are one of the best secret weapons in a man's arsenal when dating RW as long as he remembers to do it in an odd number! Music soothes the savage beast but flowers calm the angry Russian moms! I often brought flowers for the woman I was interested in as well as for her mom or a little gift of perfume was a nice treat for mom too.

[Elen]

Don't want to disappoint you but flowers and little gifts are not those things wich would calm angry moms at all:? (though they will help in some way but the only one themslves they will look like an attempt buy a mom. Not everyone likes that feeling:?)

[Bruno]

Phew! Fathers, brothers....:? MOTHERs are those who you should be afraid:P You can't buy them with some vodka as you easely can do with males:P

Compliment with a big box of chocolate make wonder.... chocolate with liquor inside work very good

 

[Elen]

For example no one comliments, no flowers and no parfume would help "import groom" if he is too old for my daughter in my opinion:P

( I told Bruno not every one appresiates bribes in this "business"  Let try something else:P)

[wavshrdr]

Last problem I had with a mom is the mom wanted to fight with her daughter for me.  To tell the truth, mom was a better package than the daughter! She apparently gave birth to her daugther when she was 15! Mom finished university with a Krasni Diplom too!

Unless the daughter is ~25 or less, I am not going to be too old for her. Chocolates do work well and have helped me in many situations. So does having a nice bottle of wine or good perfume. I have found that a box of chocolates and a bottle of wine have helped me many times at the OVIR office even when I was out of status on my visa. I also keep a few good cigars on hand for the rare time the OVIR office is staffed with a guy! Of course a pint of vodka normally goes down pretty well too.

Best suggestion is to not get yourself into the situation needing this kind of help! But Russia is Russia and things often don't go according to plan. Often the word plan is an oxymoron in Russia!

[Noyrt]

Knocking on Doors.... STORY II

Thanks for all the replies.. Interresting opinions..

On my second thought and attempt I will now elaborate for all who may have interest in this topic.

First I will say, for the most reason, I would not do this again out of respect for her privacy, but for this situation it proved very educational and effective.... 'If everything would have flowed between us'

My 2nd story...

I was now in Sevestopol, Ukraine.   Same trip from before but about a month later.  Weary from dissappointment at attempted meetings from agencies, and tired from travel off the hip in Ukraine.  I dared to seek the home of one lady I had an address for once again. 

It started as curiosity to see basically "where" she lived, and I pursued this search with the intention to simply leave a letter of introduction in her mailbox slot. Of course with photo's and stating that i was in town and interrested to meet her. I thought basically harmless.  I included my cell # also, as at this time, I was nearly out of time, and had hope for a last date in my final week  in country, that could lead to a future travel meeting again.   I didn't want to delay with the agency, and the usual day or two response time it took.  Also this was an AFA woman, and as mentioned in another thread, they were less than helpful in helping arrance such meeting in person.  

So with some effort, I crossed the bay, by ferry, spent most the afternoon walking.  Found an interresting landmark near her street on the map.  Turned out to be one of the old military cemetary up on a big hill.  So I went exploring amongst the dead for a couple of hours.  Found it very interresting to look upon such a cemetary, as I have never seen before.   Nearly got lost up on the top, but managed to follow the edge of a wine vineyard back to civilization. 

Anyway, after some walking about, I found the correct building address, and questioned my bravery, to actually knock.  Didn't want too, but I was curios to maybe sit at a nearby park and hope for a walk-by.... so I dwindled a bit and watched the local activity.  Always a bit interresting the day to day life of some people.   So I ventured into the building mailbox matched #'s, but before I could drop the envelope and depart, an older lady came down and asked my business, and who I was looking for..  Here we go again.  So in my limited Russiand I tried to casually explain..  Tured out it was her neighbor, and they were having dinner. 

So now a total stranger to them,  I am friendly invited inside her flat for a bite.  I am reluctant, and feel quite strong to impose, or even uncomfortable from fear of being an unknown to the family in question next door.  But these folks seem friendly enough, and I cautiously accept. 

Funny... think with kindness it's hard to escape from it.  I simply wanted to leave my letter there and depart.  But I couldn't for not wanting to insult such sudden hospitality. So I took a deep breath, stayed and practiced my Russian.   Turned out her children were there also (older and married) and as usual the Husbands were quite drunk..  So next thing I know, I'm shaking hands with more strangers, and being offerd dinner and wines.   They are facinated with me from the suddeness of my arrival, and seem friendly enough.  So I sit tight, wing it and hope for the best.  Man what a spread of food...........  It was a birthday party or something for one of the couples....  So what seemed two hours later, I politely endured not getting drunk,  but a mild buzz.   I tried to break free as it was a long way home and near dark now.  Didn't want to miss the ferry, being stuck on the distant side of the bay.

So uncomfortby enought now the "girl in question" did nto arrive home yet, but now departing I find myself face to face with her mother,  being introduced by the neighbor... now seeming a friend also. :-))

So I am invited now into her home by MOM... for basic questioning.   She is obviously cautious to me, but also I felt she was impressed a litte that I would risk such an approach.  Though I tried to backpeddle saying I was only short of time, and intend to leave a letter.    She took the letter and laid it aside.  She did not speak and  English, but managed to understand my broken words for basic understanding.

She offered tea, I accepted...  She again aske how I found her home.  I produced map and address, and of couse polite apology.  I was quite uncomfortable, but also facinated by the state of mind from her mother.  It was not bad....... Interresting.  About 15 minutes or so into our conversation as I expected her to show me the door.  She stood and looked me right in the eye....  And asked a simple question.

"What is my Name" , she asked!     Pressure was on now........Oh Crap...  Ahhh  Ludmila, I said with a smile.....      I was correct and luckily my mind didn't draw blank.     She smiled a little, gave me a pat on the shoulder, and returne to the kitchen.  Wheew,  I'm nearly sweating. She returned with photo's of her daughter for me to see, and continued to explain where she was, and that she would be home soon.. At least as best I could understand?  I russing listening is worse than speaking.  And speaking aint real good.

So I guess I was there an hour, and though interrested to see what would happen in the future, I really didnt' want to be sitting in this girls living room when she got home.  It was a weird feeling,  but strangly comfortable now too.  After looking at the photo's.

So now she did not return as expected, mother was puzzled also.  So I had a reason to go now.. and tried to politely leave.  But she wanted me to STAY, now.  Hmmmm.. difficult to know what is correct.   So concerned for the ferry times, she walked me out still hoping her daughter would get home before my departure.  

I guess better she didn't now..  Not sure really..   I left my # and letter, figured what the heck,  it was interresting.. But VERY educational.   I learned more about her home life, mother, family,  and  general life situation in 1-2 hours with her mother and photo's than I learn from most women I have met in 2 weeks.   So it wasn't bad.

But even though it basically worked and she did want to meet me the following day, as she did.  I didnt' find the attraction with her that I thought I might from her mother and the photo's, she seemed a different person all together.  Strange..  and I had such high hopes, it all seemed to strangly right, in a weird sort of way..

However we did spend the day together, and she was nice. But very quiet.... in herself.   I just didn't have any addraction to her really..   It couldnt' be helped and I didn't want to lead her on.  So I shared the day with her, and treated her to a fun afternoon, as best as I could.   I followed up with a kind letter to her and her mother, thanking them for the hospitality and kindness  towards me  and tried to thank them both for the meeting and generosity as best I could.  But I knew I didnt' want to pursue the relationship.     

So basically though it proved possible, it made it more difficult to let her down in the face of hope from her and her mother that it did not feel correct after our meeting.  I didn't want to cause anyone disappointment, but the women must understand also it is the chance they must face in pursuit of this process, the same as us. 

Sadly, saw her again later in the week on the street,  I tried  to offer a polite wave and even would have spoken to her, but she only looked away, and sort of ignored me, as if to pretend she didn't see me.   It was hard, but she was with friends and I didnt' think it now corrrect to approach her again after the letter.  Sadly I was'nt sure if she had received it yet or not, as took it to the post office and mailed it. Didn't feel to return to her home again.

I sent also a small note to her neighbor for the hospitality..  It was necessary. Good to carry American "thank you" cards for this purpose..  You never know who you might meet.

Any comments welcomed.....  Noyrt.

 

[sledder]

Great second story.   I don't think I will try that while I'm there but you never know....  

[Evgeni]

Very cheeky!  Have you ever sold vacuum cleaners?

[Turboguy]

You have more guts than I do.    The second story was cute though.    I would run like hell if someone showed up on my doorstep unanounced.   I had that happen a long time ago.  I had written to some American women and had written one in Texas who told me about all the abuse from her husband.  One time he  had tried to burn up their car, with her in in. 

Well I came home one day and found her wondering the streets by my home with a letter in her hand that I had written her.   Supposidly she had tanken the last of her money and used it to buy gas to make the 1400 mile trip to meet me.   Actually I had not even written her for 6 weeks because I had gotten involved with somene I really liked.    Well, I ended up with a house guest for a week and had a terrible time getting rid of her at all.

Any one else shows up on my door unannounced like that and I will run for the hills.

[2tallbill]

Knocking on Doors.... STORY II

Any comments welcomed.....  Noyrt.

My father met my Mother by jumping into the back seat of her
car. Years later she said she should have kept her doors locked.
I met my first wife at a yard sale.

There are those who snatch opportunity when they see it and those
who let it slip by. There are those who have a Russian wife and there
are those who will never get close.

[I/O]

There are those who have a Russian wife and there
are those who will never get close.

The latter probably being among the more fortunate in life....🤔

[Faux Pas]

The latter probably being among the more fortunate in life....🤔

For the most part yes, I'd agree. That is because every couple WM/FSUW we have known or interacted with is divorced. I believe it to be 0-12 at this point (not counting the wife and I). There were so many divorces I refused to meet any more thinking maybe we were the bad luck charm. I lost contact with Ed Cocks maybe he is the exception. Maybe not, might be 0-13.

I could not in all that is holy advise a man to go seek a wife in the FSU. Even though it was the best decision of my life. Blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while I suppose and I'll take it. I'll offer any help I can but the odds from my POV say no, don't do it.

[2tallbill]

The latter probably being among the more fortunate in life....🤔

A Russian wife is certainly not for everybody.

[tfcrew]

A Russian wife is certainly not for everybody.

Mine is a Soviet wife... Hardly any more available.

[tfcrew]

Basically buying an address, while in a particular city, then going to her home and knocking, or leaving a letter (outside of using an agency office for contact or to arrange first meeting.)

If someone could do this at one time [15 years ago]...I seriously doubt they could do it now. [I wonder how Noyrt ever made out?]

[japtats]

For the most part yes, I'd agree. That is because every couple WM/FSUW we have known or interacted with is divorced. I believe it to be 0-12 at this point (not counting the wife and I). There were so many divorces I refused to meet any more thinking maybe we were the bad luck charm. I lost contact with Ed Cocks maybe he is the exception. Maybe not, might be 0-13.

I could not in all that is holy advise a man to go seek a wife in the FSU. Even though it was the best decision of my life. Blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while I suppose and I'll take it. I'll offer any help I can but the odds from my POV say no, don't do it.

 I wonder how many men who marry fsuw , have a family with them , and reside in FSU end up divorced. I said it many times , finding a girl to marry is easy , many are eager to go to the west , becoming independent , and then find someone they actually care for.

Around two months ago , a girl I knew , moved in with me before us meeting , first 5 mins of being in my apartment, she got on her knees did a sexual act . She told me I am the second guy she had sex with , wanted kids many years later  . She cooked , cleaned, did everything for me . I could see a guy one day posting on here saying he found a girl a girl who loves him bla bla blah. I knew who she was, I can see it in some women I meet , from the first date you know their intentions.

[2tallbill]

Mine is a Soviet wife... Hardly any more available.

Older women certainly are still available, or did you mean something else?

[2tallbill]

If someone could do this at one time [15 years ago]...I seriously doubt they could do it now. [I wonder how Noyrt ever made out?]

I woke up this thread about the idea of thinking outside the box.
I doubt putting notes on doors is the way to go but directly
meeting women and asking them out certainly works.

[JohnDearGreen]

but directly meeting women and asking them out certainly works.

In a dozen trips, to beach resort, to ski resort, many walks around Khreshchatyk and Red Square,
parks, restaurants, occasional night clubs, etc...I probably could count on one hand ladies in my
age range (34-42) from random sightings that appeared to be possible matches.  Best one was
the lady checking me out of the 1st apartment that I rented in Kyiv.  But she was more interested
in cleaning up my mess than eyeing me.  The next guy to rent it was standing out in the hall growling.

I did send an interpreter out once to a couple of addresses I had purchased.  One of the two
resulted in a meetup.   Back around 2000, buying addresses was one of few options available.

But, its sort of like sending a photographer out with a gift to the ladies apartment.   In those days,
it would give me a casual un-glamour photo of her.  But bad for her, because she would not be at her best.

[tfcrew]

Older women certainly are still available, or did you mean something else?

But I don't think the usual guy is looking for a Babushka. If a girl was 20 in 1991...she would be 50 now. However, I have seen photos of 50+ Russian ladies that put away many American 20 yr olds.