Advice appreciated

[Aussie Guy]

Hello everyone,
I'm a beginner to conversing with foreign women, so all the advice members have to offer would be appreciated. Hopefully I don't bore you, as I may include information that may not be relevant.

Some back ground about myself. I'm a 40 year old man and live in Australia. I have  been separated, after a 25 year relationship, for 2 years and I have 4 children, 3 in my care full time. I have a good job and own a house.

I'm not a unattractive man and have not had problems meeting and dating Australian women, online and face to face, even reasonably attractive ones.

3 weeks ago, the thought hadn't entered my mind to look overseas for love, but some friends in Germany offer for me to stay with them later this year and suggested I go online to learn some basic  German launguage. During my search I found the site fdating.com. I thought this might be a good chance to talk to some German women and pick up some of their language and customs. I set up a basic profile stating I was looking for conversation with German speaking peolple.

I was contacted by several Russian women, a couple of obvious scammers and a bisexual woman who's opening messages was " come here right now, to taste my  pancakes  and cream" after a short series of food related sext messages, we had some really in depth conversations as friends, about many topics. Her intelegence, family values and openness was surprising to me.  She gave me an really good grounding, regarding  Russian womans lives, concerns and passions.

I changed my profile so it indicated that I was looking for a relationship and continued with a cautious, but open mind. I contact 20 women and got 20 replys. I weeded out the scammers to the best of my ability. With 3 women I had regular conversations. All seemed to be genuine, held good jobs and also had children. On their suggestion we contacted via Skype.

The woman I had the least contact with, Elena, 40, divorced with 2 children and very attractive, Has been in daily contact with me. We both initiate contact equally. We shared pictures on Skype of ourselves on Skype and our families. Our conversations can be as general and the weather and day to day lives or deep when discussing what we are looking for in life and relationships. She asked for my email as she had issues sending pictures on Skype and then I used that to find her Facebook page. She only has 4 friends and it seems she doesn't uses it at all. We have tried to Skype video chat, but my internet has some issues ATM, so we have just been calling via phone on Skype.

The first attempt to video chat, we were connected for several seconds and she was the same woman in the profile pictures and in the same room. We will beable to video chat next week and she said I can meet her daughter. She speaks very good English.

 She works as an analyst for a container terminal, and is reasonably knowledgeable about the business and even Australian exports that arrive. Her son studies at university In  Moscow. She lives comfortably in an apartment with her younger daughter and has her parents near by for support.

We talk as friends,  but their is subtle signs of flirting and she has used terms as "darling" .Obviously we gave some type of connection, as we message each other and talk on Skype for many hours a day. I am cutting this contact back as my personal experience I'd you can turn her off by having too much contact early on.

My questions are : -

Does this Woman seem genuine ? as I don't see a reason to doubt her ATM.

Is there any warning signs that I should look out for, do not to fall victim to scammers ?

Women generally find Australia interesting. Do you think she is just interested in talking to me due to this?

If she is genuinely interested in me, how long is it acceptable, for a man to message a Russian women, before she gets bored and wants to meet?

Any tips on how to proceed?

I may have more questions as time goes by.

Thankyou



 

[JayH]

 

Tips to proceed  --hasten slowly!
The more info you give here-- the better the advice will be and it saves repeat questions
Looks like you are doing ok.

Where does she live? Where do you live? ( note my flag!)

Re F/B =  ok -not unusual. See if you can find her on VK and Odnoklassniki

DO NOT let her know you are checking and  looking or have found her there --simply use it to background yourself and info.

You actually hit on a point-- do not heat it up prematurely . But-- if you are interested --move !  Once all the hurdles are passed -- go and meet . To her city( not a holiday destination) -make the arrangements yourself ( use forum to assist) .  How long-- weeks not months . All going well then be prepared bring her to your world asap.Even pushing that can all take time to arrange .

Travel to the FSU is not to the moon -- and there is lots of help here.

Some will say 4 children is a hurdle --but a 40 yo with 2 of her own-- maybe. The key here is you capacity to absorb  into your life and lifestyle. You need to be able to afford a reasonable life. There is another Aussie guy here who has done much the same as you are thinking of -and he is one of the most sensible guys on the forum and his success is hardly a surprise.

One point-- on daughter on Skype -- I personally would minimise that initially --particularly if you are still in formative period . On the other hand-- things tend to come out from others( if there is anything amiss that is).

Last-- do not get hung up on scammers --it can kill a relationship dead .Let it unfold and keep thinking with your big head !!

[Trenchcoat]

Welcome Aussie Guy, you've come to the right place for determining if your lady is scammer At the moment I would say see what VK, etc throw up, if it's like her Facebook page then it may have just been set up for that purpose. Odds are if she has Facebook she'll have VK, if not then be a bit cautious. Go at steady pace but before long she'll want to know when you're coming. You can't afford to delay too long after this point or she'll write you down as another 'guy who doesn't visit' so at that point you need to move.

[Nightwish]

Welcome Aussie Guy, you've come to the right place for determining if your lady is scammer At the moment I would say see what VK, etc throw up, if it's like her Facebook page then it may have just been set up for that purpose. Odds are if she has Facebook she'll have VK, if not then be a bit cautious. Go at steady pace but before long she'll want to know when you're coming. You can't afford to delay too long after this point or she'll write you down as another 'guy who doesn't visit' so at that point you need to move.

DO NOT and I say again DO NOT take advice about this from Trench, he sees a scammer everywhere, slightest little thing and she is a scammer, the man is obsessed by it.. its one thing to be careful and use your common sense, but trench is a lost cause I am afraid.. obsessed!

[Gator]

Aussie Guy,

 

Your woman seems genuine (90+% probability).     

Three children at home would alarm many RW, yet all RW are different.  And some indeed enjoy kids.  She is introducing her daughter to see if you like kids as well, so do converse with her daughter. 

A couple of comments about pace.  Most RW do not want to talk for months before meeting you.  Yet, they should understand the travel distance from Australia and be willing to take time.  So if there is a solid connection between the two of you, do not fret about the pace.  Yet realize you must get on a plane one day.

The question arises when you do get on plane whether to visit one woman or many.  You will need to ask some more questions here to determine whether to visit just one.  If you spend much time  talking with a woman and have discussed everything and have some feelings for her, I suggest you meet only one.  There are risks.

I believe it is good that she flirts a little, given that you have been talking for a long time.   

[ML]

Just to add a little reality here via humor:

You do realize that Moscow is not part of Germany . . . yes?

[Aussie Guy]

Thanks for the replys. I won't quote peoples replys, but I clear up a few questions.


She lives in the Krasnodar area. I live in South Australia, probably the furthest place from russia you could live.

It didn't feel inappropriate to meet her daughter, as in the context of our similar circumstances, we discuss our children's lives and parenting  quite regularly.
My children are older and we both have children the same ages.

4 children for a lot of women can be an issue for them. Its my biggest obsticle when dating in Australia. When women get to know me, they realise that I'm not looking for a mother or a maid.
On the Russian site, I had many compliments from women who found it surprising that I was raising my children alone. It seemed to be a benifit. Many wanted larger families, but obviously had marriage problems.

I finally managed to talk via video connection and concerns I had have dissapeared for the moment. She seems very genuine and  a reasonably successful woman. She owns her own modern appartment, she designed it herself. I'm actually worried she would be leaving a comfortable life if she was to move abroad.

I'm not sure the best path ahead as I'm traveling to Germany in October and I'll have to keep the conversation going for many months, until I could possibly visit.

Lol yes I realise that germany is separate to russia. The only reason I started talking to Russian women is because the German women didn't seem interested.

I need to start adding some humourous banter and maybe light hearted teasing into conversations. This works well with Australian women, is it the same for Russian women ?  Whats the best way to make her laugh


 

[ML]

I need to start adding some humourous banter and maybe light hearted teasing into conversations. This works well with Australian women, is it the same for Russian women ?  Whats the best way to make her laugh

Tell her some jokes about Putin.

[JayH]

Thanks for the replys. I won't quote peoples replys, but I clear up a few questions.


She lives in the Krasnodar area. I live in South Australia, probably the furthest place from russia you could live.

It didn't feel inappropriate to meet her daughter, as in the context of our similar circumstances, we discuss our children's lives and parenting  quite regularly.
My children are older and we both have children the same ages.

4 children for a lot of women can be an issue for them. Its my biggest obsticle when dating in Australia. When women get to know me, they realise that I'm not looking for a mother or a maid.
On the Russian site, I had many compliments from women who found it surprising that I was raising my children alone. It seemed to be a benifit. Many wanted larger families, but obviously had marriage problems.

I finally managed to talk via video connection and concerns I had have dissapeared for the moment. She seems very genuine and  a reasonably successful woman. She owns her own modern appartment, she designed it herself. I'm actually worried she would be leaving a comfortable life if she was to move abroad.

I'm not sure the best path ahead as I'm traveling to Germany in October and I'll have to keep the conversation going for many months, until I could possibly visit.

Lol yes I realise that germany is separate to russia. The only reason I started talking to Russian women is because the German women didn't seem interested.

I need to start adding some humourous banter and maybe light hearted teasing into conversations. This works well with Australian women, is it the same for Russian women ?  Whats the best way to make her laugh

Whats the best way to make her laugh  =  be yourself. Relax and just be how you are. People are people by and large and with some cultural differences- that applies.Sometimes "humour" needs explaining-- and that can be difficult.
Her circumstance/your circumstances -- do not think you are 'saving' her in any way --much as Aus has lots of good things to offer-- we are not alone in that. Be respectful of that in your thoughts-- and comments.That is why I said to plan on her visiting to see your life/lifestyle.Also why you should see and understand hers without taking a superior attitude.If you jump all those basic( but important hurdles) then it becomes what I call a "normal" relationship !

The fact that you showed responsibility for children will get you points --but-- as you said -you don't need a maid etc  FSU men tend to try and avoid responsibility for children ( note-not all--but many).

Soon-- send flowers ( see advice here) -that will make her smile !!
Last -- only suggest/say what you WILL do  --not what you are thinking of doing!!

[msmob]

Aussie Guy, Welcome

My 'other half' is living in Krasnodar Region and judging by the container reference - I think I can work out where she's from - so :

1/ be careful giving away too much on here .. there are those that lurk and find some  pleasure in working out who you may be referring to.

2/ The advice to not 'chat' too long and get on a plane to SEE her - if you think there might be a connection ....is valid ..



3/ You aren't divorced, yet ..  believe me - I've worn the t-shirt .. you will be grilled on this some time

4/ Don't send her money - no matter how connected you feel .. at least not until you plan to meet and it covers expenses for your visit e.g taxi to the airport to meet you..


5/ The 'darling' ... it might seem a little OTT - seeing you are still virtual .. Getting hints about financial support would be more concerning.

6/There is no such thing as a daft question on here .. just be prepared for some daft 'advice'...

7/ Don't get involved with the Russia v Ukraine 'thing' ... 99 percent of ladies with kids will have had little choice in where they lived since '91

Enjoy ...

[Gator]

It didn't feel inappropriate to meet her daughter, as in the context of our similar circumstances, we discuss our children's lives and parenting  quite regularly.
My children are older and we both have children the same ages.

Most RW will not introduce their children to a foreign man until the relationship is more developed.  This suggests she feels something good about you.  It helps that the two of you are the same age.
 

When women get to know me, they realise that I'm not looking for a mother or a maid.

Important point.  Convince her of such in everything you do.  Both sets of children will eventually leave home, so stress that you seek your life partner.

I'm actually worried she would be leaving a comfortable life if she was to move abroad.

Better that than a woman in a desperate life in Russia.  Something is missing in her "comfortable" life.  Are you what is missing in her Russian life?

My wife had a good life in Russia.  That is why it took years before I could convince her to leave Russia. 

I'm not sure the best path ahead as I'm traveling to Germany in October and I'll have to keep the conversation going for many months, until I could possibly visit.

October is a long time way.  So don't push the pace.  Allow the relationship grow naturally.  Keep in mind that if you meet her in October and that goes well.  You should invite her to come to Australia.  If your relationship does become more solid, she could be the first to travel.

I need to start adding some humourous banter and maybe light hearted teasing into conversations. This works well with Australian women, is it the same for Russian women ? 

Teasing only if she is secure. Not now.   She may interpret teasing as you being serious and critical. 

Whats the best way to make her laugh?

Russian humor is different.  Dry sarcasm if she is intelligent.  Russians do not like "silly."

[ML]

Russians do not like "silly."

Yes and no.

True FSU folks don't like silly jokes and some silly behavior in person.

But, oddly, FSU folks do like silly movies and slapstick comedy a la Laurel and Hardy, which I don't appreciate.

However, silly covers a lot of territory.
FSU women, like most women, like a man with humor.

What is silly and what is funny can vary from person to person.

Ochka and I have the healthy habit of walking an hour or so on Tues, Thur and Saturdays.  But  then we follow it up with the unhealthy habit of eating at Burger King, McDs, IHOP, Bob Evans, etc. which ever has the best 2 for 1 breakfast offers.

Yesterday, Ochka asked what were our choices.  I said we could eat at BK on east side of town or BK on west side of time.  She started out giggling and progressed on to full belly laughing, which I couldn't help but join in with.

[BillyB]

.Obviously we gave some type of connection, as we message each other and talk on Skype for many hours a day. I am cutting this contact back as my personal experience I'd you can turn her off by having too much contact early on.

If she's liking the communication and you cut it back, she may think you're losing interest. If I'm in a relationship with an FSU women, I would at times communicate with her once every two days and periods with the frequency once everyday. I rarely text. Most of the time I'd be the first to initiate a phone call end the call with a lady. If a lady likes me, she'd like what I'm saying and wouldn't want to hang up but I'm smart enough not to sit on the phone too long, run out of material to say and have her lose interest. Be careful about changing the routine you and your lady has. She may view it as a sign things are getting worse. Also I don't think she's a scammer or gold digger based off what you say. Those girls will not invest a massive amount of time for a guy that isn't sending them money or gifts.

Does this Woman seem genuine ? as I don't see a reason to doubt her ATM.

Is there any warning signs that I should look out for, do not to fall victim to scammers ?

Paranoia will destroya. Be cautious but don't be fearful as if you're living like prey do. You're 40 yo. You should have enough life experience under your belt to where it's hard for someone to take advantage of you. You need to evaluate the situation and figure things out. This forum is a good source for tips.

A week ago a coyote ate the neighbors dog. I see chicken feathers on my property and I know a distant neighbor has chickens. A few days ago my dog was bit by a coyote but luckily escaped with his life. The coyotes weren't going to change their behavior if I asked nicely so I was going to change their behavior by making them the prey. I bought a predator call and went out there 4 AM this morning after spotting two coyotes. I waited for them to clear the area before showing up to set up the predator call. I tried a distressed jackrabbit, distressed cottontail, and then a distressed fawn and none of those calls lured the coyotes. I figured they are night hunters and just ate. Should've woken up earlier. What else could bring them in? Sex! Like scammers, I got them to the think with their little heads. I used the female coyote call and 5 minutes later, a male approached cautiously and from downwind so he could smell what's out there. I made sure the wind wasn't going to take my scent to the bait and if he did look my way, the lights I set out would blind him. He got close enough for me to take a good shot. He won't be eating anymore dogs. Don't be prey to what you think are predators. You should be at the point of your life where nothing is going to beat you.

If she is genuinely interested in me, how long is it acceptable, for a man to message a Russian women, before she gets bored and wants to meet?

If you're both very interested in each other, go ASAP! That way you know right away if things are going to work out or not. Some guys wait half a year before going and then learn things aren't going to work out. Don't waste your and her life like that.

I need to start adding some humourous banter and maybe light hearted teasing into conversations. This works well with Australian women, is it the same for Russian women ?  Whats the best way to make her laugh

If you're not a comedian, don't be. Most FSU women don't want to marry a clown. It's more important you know how to laugh at a funny situation than try to make her laugh. My wife likes to laugh. She likes to know I'm capable of laughing and not stiff with my emotions but she wants a serious man for marriage. So instead of trying to tell her 101 jokes, try to tell her moments in your life that made YOU laugh.

Welcome to the forum.

[southernX]

AUSSIE GUY ,

you have received some good info here above  , you do seem to be on track with your actions so far ......

i have 4 children , and i have been down the same road as you are now moving along several years ago

i would agree with others here , dont slow down your communications , or you will send a negative to your lady ,

most importantly TRUST YOUR GUT INSTINCTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!

  jay h ... Whats the best way to make her laugh  =  be yourself. Relax and just be how you are. People are people by and large and with some cultural differences- that applies.Sometimes "humour" needs explaining-- and that can be difficult.
Her circumstance/your circumstances -- do not think you are 'saving' her in any way --much as Aus has lots of good things to offer-- we are not alone in that. Be respectful of that in your thoughts-- and comments.That is why I said to plan on her visiting to see your life/lifestyle.Also why you should see and understand hers without taking a superior attitude.If you jump all those basic( but important hurdles) then it becomes what I call a "normal" relationship !

The fact that you showed responsibility for children will get you points --but-- as you said -you don't need a maid etc  FSU men tend to try and avoid responsibility for children ( note-not all--but many).

Soon-- send flowers ( see advice here) -that will make her smile !!
Last -- only suggest/say what you WILL do  --not what you are thinking of doing!!

agree with jay here , just be yourself and remember always she will love her homeland  , and even if she criticises it , dont you ... over time she will grow to love her new home , but let her find that out , dont sell it to her

billy b ...Paranoia will destroya. Be cautious but don't be fearful as if you're living like prey do. You're 40 yo. You should have enough life experience under your belt to where it's hard for someone to take advantage of you. You need to evaluate the situation and figure things out. This forum is a good source for tips.

 

agree this is good advice , follow it

billy b If you're both very interested in each other, go ASAP! That way you know right away if things are going to work out or not. Some guys wait half a year before going and then learn things aren't going to work out. Don't waste your and her life like that.

again good advice , dont keep her waiting more than 3-4 months before you visit  if your keen to meet her and think the relationship may grow into something more ...she will take it as a negative or you are not serious if you wait longer before a visit , and move away in all probability

When women get to know me, they realise that I'm not looking for a mother or a maid.



Important point.  Convince her of such in everything you do.  Both sets of children will eventually leave home, so stress that you seek your life partner.

agree , she needs to be sure you are looking for a life partner , but also the fact that you have taken on the full time role of dad /carer for your 3 is a very positive sign for a lady with her own children .......  it shows serious responsibility on your part ,   that is a big bonus to you usually

once you have met her kids, take time to evaluate how she disciplines them , dont be tempted to jump in and lay down ''rules '' you will probalby find she may be a harder task master than you are , bear in mind that way depending on your kids ages you and they may need to compromise to make things work . big potentila minefiled that one , so talk it though carefully

moby , .....

1/ be careful giving away too much on here .. there are those that lurk and find some  pleasure in working out who you may be referring to.

2/ The advice to not 'chat' too long and get on a plane to SEE her - if you think there might be a connection ....is valid ..



3/ You aren't divorced, yet ..  believe me - I've worn the t-shirt .. you will be grilled on this some time

4/ Don't send her money - no matter how connected you feel .. at least not until you plan to meet and it covers expenses for your visit e.g taxi to the airport to meet you..


5/ The 'darling' ... it might seem a little OTT - seeing you are still virtual .. Getting hints about financial support would be more concerning.

6/There is no such thing as a daft question on here .. just be prepared for some daft 'advice'...

7/ Don't get involved with the Russia v Ukraine 'thing' ... 99 percent of ladies with kids will have had little choice in where they lived since '91

again good advice , dont pay out any coin until such time as you have met and feel a very valid need to ....however it usual for the man to pay , for   accommodation , taxis , meals , tickets etc on any visit there .


aussie you say your 40 , just ended a 25 year relationship , and have been single 2 years, now my maths may be askew , but that adds up to 27 years, so did you marry /meet you ex at 13 or ??

can i ask how old are your kids at home ??  under 18 ??or older ?

get to know this lady if you feel the relationship may go forward into something more , if you discover it isnt going to be a love interest for you , then tell her honestly asap , dont just walk away and not advise her .

from SA , you should be able to go to singapore or other asian hub and then direct into russia , moscow or st petes etc ........  depending on stop overs , roughly 24 hours or less , or look at emirate into dubai , then russia etc ......    be prepared to meet her before oct , that is way too long imo to keep her waiting ,


fsu ladys like a guy who is serious and capable, no dreamers or gunna do type will be acceptable ,

lastly , as above jay h said , dont  talk to her about maybes, or might or other hypotheticals in your plans or thoughts out loud , as she will take them as definite promises or courses of action .    think about them  for sure but if your seen to be half hearted or swapping /changing often it looks dodgy and unreliable to her , thus it causes her to question her future security with you and your ability to be stable and a good provider for her and her children ....   money and income is required here , but it isnt her top priority ime , she will likly be happy with a modest income  , so long as you are reliable , stable and  a good honest man and father .

always be honest with her , even in little things , these ladys have a 6th sense to smell bs amile off , so for any reason , just be honest even when you fcuck up badly   ime

ok so apologies for the long post, , hopefully it will be of some help to you

SX

[Aussie Guy]

Thanks for all the great advice. I will digest it for a while and reply

[BillyB]

I will digest it for a while and reply

It's been a few days now. How's your digestion?

[Aussie Guy]

Hello,
Sorry Billy, about the long time between replys, my life is hectic and any spare time is usually taken up, communicating with this inspiring woman. First I'd like to thank  Southernx, I haven't messaged in a while,  but will soon. I appreciate your advice.

This may be my last post, I kind of have an issue with discussing friendships or relationships online.... It feels a little wrong to me, especially when we have not met.

The daily communication  continues, but we haven't video chatted for a while, as the last time it was quite clear to her,  that getting up constantly  at 3-4 am is taking it's toll. I initiate contact a majority of the time due to my busy scheduled, but if it gets past the time I usually message, she checks in to see how my day has been. I have deliberately kept in on a friendship basis so there is no expectations when we meet, but it's obvious by the sheer amount of time we spend  communicating (sometimes for 8 hours straight ) ,that there's  some  genuine feelings there.

I brought my holiday forward to August and will spend a few days with my friends and a week and a half in Russia.

I never consciously thought about looking for a partner overseas and I think if all that eventuates is friendship, I'll be happy. I won't keep searching in the FSU, I have enough success in my own country dating and will eventually find the one. I will say this..... It will take a while to find a partner with the personality attributes of this woman. A few friends who know I'm communicating with her are struggling with the fact she's nothing like the women here " she's too good to be true" has been mentioned many times. I've been on two dates since I started talking to her and I found myself comparing them to her..... I think this experience has slightly poisoned my feeling towards local women.

[Aussie Guy]

Ohh...and I do really appreciate the time, everyone took giving me great advice.... thank you : )

[ML]

I won't keep searching in the FSU, I have enough success in my own country dating and will eventually find the one.

I've been on two dates since I started talking to her and I found myself comparing them to her..... I think this experience has slightly poisoned my feeling towards local women.

Glad to see your thought process is consistent !!!!

[Aussie Guy]

Glad to see your thought process is consistent !!!!

Hhaaaa...... The last few months, I've been all over the place, in my mindset, in many areas of my life.

You understand what I mean ..... After spending countless hours conversing with a genuine FSU woman, you see women of your own nationally in a different light. Obviously you never truly know for sure until you meet face to face.

Make no mistake, by Australian standards, the women I've taken on dates are  genuinely caring people , but the connection we have, primarily due to the similar circumstances in our previous relationship,  lifestyle  and  dedication to family, set her apart from others. I'm not interested in building a relationship with another FSU woman if this amounts to nothing but a long distance friendship. I have found this connection in Australia before, but unfortunately, due to her moving to another state to support her family, it didn't work out .... We still remain good friends

[southernX]

AG

id say you probably will be clearer in your thoughts once you meet her in person ,

if you feel it has potential , keep up the contact at a steady rate ,  make a schedule up with her that suits you both for skype or whatever you are using , as well as emails and sms etc
 dont wax and wane it with her as you will be sending her confused messages about your level of intent and seriousness to her and possibly building a long term relationship with her

she may then switch direction on you and look elswhere , you will get relegated to not serious and she will move on

SX