Russian Women Discussion
RWD Discussion Groups => Starting Out => Topic started by: Karl Hungus on May 24, 2015, 11:59:19 AM
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Here's my situation - and if this is all boilerplate stuff that's been addresses here a thousand times before, I apologize . . .
Last August, I met a young Russian woman who has lived here in Florida for the past three years. At the time we met, she lived about an hour and a half south me me. She has kids, is divorced, and is here on a visa (what sort, I do not know; I just know she can't legally work). We've dated for about 8 months now. As for her immigration status, all I can tell you is that it's "in the works," so to speak, and that she's been filling out documents and shelling out bucks toward that for a little while now. Her father and sister are already citizens.
I do love this girl - she's beautiful, intelligent, highly educated, a wonderful mother to some wonderful kids, and has never for a moment led me to believe that she's insincere. She even left her beachfront condo to move to a crappish apartment in my city to be near me. We had a falling out in February because I wasn't ready for her and the kids to move in with me and my daughter. We reconnected last month, and have been talking about moving in together.
She tells me quite candidly that she wants to get married, soon. But I have some friends and family (who haven't met her) cautioning me that she might be in it only for the green card, rather than to build a life with me, and that once she has that, I'll be left twisting in the wind.
When it comes to relationships, I tend to proceed with an abundance of caution, simply out of a sense of self-preservation. Like anyone else, I've been burned before. But what scares me most is, years from now, looking back and realizing I missed out on something wonderful, all because I was afraid to take a chance.
I desperately need some insight from some of you folks who may have been down this road before. I realize there's no way for any of you to know whether or not she's being sincere, but maybe you can tell me, from experience, what I should be looking for, for how your similar situation turned out, and what I might do to protect myself.
Any insights, experiences, advice, etc. is deeply appreciated.
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How old is your daughter?
Last August as in August 2014?
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My daughter is 13. And yes, August of 2014.
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I think you have to put your daughter first, and her life, and how she interacts with this woman should be paramount.
Eight months is not a long time to be with someone before making a commitment to a longer term relationship when children are involved. If neither of you had children, I would say do what you want.
The fact you have any trepidation suggests to me you are not ready to make that leap. The RW should not be either, if she has children.
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PS - The fact the woman is Russian is irrelevant.
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How does the lady get along with your daughter? Is your former wife in the picture? Can you just leave things as they are for now? Why is it important to get married immediately? How old are her children?
Based on the limited information you have provided thus far, and knowing what I know now, I would proceed with extreme caution. I don't see why there is a hurry to get married. Your daughter will be growing up a lot in the next few years. The timing of this relationship may be very impactful on her, so keep that aspect in the fore.
Fathertime!
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To be honest, my daughter is not happy with my relationship with this woman. Tatiana has bent over backwards to be open and loving and accommodating, but my daughter really hasn't opened up to her at all. She has a close relationship with her mom, but she's lived with me since she was a toddler; it's essentially been her and me for a decade now. She feels threatened not only by Tatiana, but by her kids as well. It's definitely an encroachment issue, that's for sure. She tells me I need to be with her, but that's because she's loving and selfless child who simply wants to see her dad happy; deep down I know she's terrified at the prospect of sharing me.
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To be honest, my daughter is not happy with my relationship with this woman. Tatiana has bent over backwards to be open and loving and accommodating, but my daughter really hasn't opened up to her at all. She has a close relationship with her mom, but she's lived with me since she was a toddler; it's essentially been her and me for a decade now. She feels threatened not only by Tatiana, but by her kids as well. It's definitely an encroachment issue, that's for sure. She tells me I need to be with her, but that's because she's loving and selfless child who simply wants to see her dad happy; deep down I know she's terrified at the prospect of sharing me.
Based on this latest information, I would NOT take the relationship to another level. If you like/love the gal, as it appears you do, I would probably continue to 'date' her and let everything play out further before proceeding. It would not be hard for you to alienate/lose your daughter over this if you rush things. The Russian lady should understand that your daughter is your 1st priority for now, if she doesn't get that, then I would consider breaking thing off. If she does get your daughter is 1st priority, she should also realize that you are doing what is right for you, and she can continue to enjoy the relationship that you have currently.
My 2 cents.
Fathertime!
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Karl,
Let me congratulate you on raising your daughter. It is no easy thing to do. It is very possible that by waiting, you will lose your lovely Russian bride. But it is the right thing to do based on what you have told us.
We don't get free passes when it comes to our children. They come first.
Should you continue, the many possible outcomes for the relationship with your girlfriend will very likely determine your daughter's future happiness.
By the simple fact that you are here and asking for input demonstrates that you are torn. But I tell you, from personal experience, that if you wait a couple of years until your daughter can have a life of her own, that you will reap many unforeseen benefits.
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Last August, I met a young Russian woman who has lived here in Florida for the past three years. At the time we met, she lived about an hour and a half south me me. She has kids, is divorced, and is here on a visa (what sort, I do not know; I just know she can't legally work). We've dated for about 8 months now. As for her immigration status, all I can tell you is that it's "in the works," so to speak, and that she's been filling out documents and shelling out bucks toward that for a little while now. Her father and sister are already citizens....
Karl, you've been dating eight months, she moved to your city to be closer to you, you're talking about cohabitating and marriage and yet you know woefully little about the details of her immigration status or what stage it's at...
I'd determine what visa she is currently in the US on and it's expiration (you may be worrying over nothing at this point or your concern may well be valid).
What are the circumstances of her arrival in the US in the first place?
Have you met her father and sister?
When you say divorced was that divorced from someone in the FSU, a citizen of another country or the US?
I'm not a US citizen so I may be off base here but it would seem to me if she's already going through the immigration process wouldn't a change in (marital) status mid process complicate the application, not simplify it?
Brass
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Karl, you've been dating eight months, she moved to your city to be closer to you, you're talking about cohabitating and marriage and yet you know woefully little about the details of her immigration status or what stage it's at...
I'd determine what visa she is currently in the US on and it's expiration (you may be worrying over nothing at this point or your concern may well be valid).
What are the circumstances of her arrival in the US in the first place?
Have you met her father and sister?
When you say divorced was that divorced from someone in the FSU, a citizen of another country or the US?
I'm not a US citizen so I may be off base here but it would seem to me if she's already going through the immigration process wouldn't a change in (marital) status mid process complicate the application, not simplify it?
Brass
Pretty good points. I could not believe he did not know her visa status. Those would be questions I would ask. Every FSUW knows what type of visa she arrived in the States on. To not know is tantamount to inviting disaster. Especially if she has kids.
If she had the children with an American citizen, the children have United States Citizenship and can stay in the country (in most circumstances).
But, imagine if your son came to you and told you of his love for a Russian woman who is having difficulty with her visa status here in the US. While you would be supportive, you would ask the same questions that Brass just asked. And, lacking answers, it would be very difficult for such parents to lend their support.
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I don't know her status because having never dated a woman who wasn't at least a permanent resident, it's not something I ever thought to worry about. Now, given the circumstances of our relationship and the quandary I find myself in, her status is clearly relevant.
She was married for 10 years to a husband who lives in Russia and has no status in the US. Her children are from that marriage.
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I don't know her status because having never dated a woman who wasn't at least a permanent resident, it's not something I ever thought to worry about. Now, given the circumstances of our relationship and the quandary I find myself in, her status is clearly relevant.
She was married for 10 years to a husband who lives in Russia and has no status in the US. Her children are from that marriage.
i would say, like Brass, that this story of visa is the key.
You have to do your work, and get any information to understand how does it works.
If the only way for her to solve her problem of immigration is to get married you have your answer.
As she is in the US you don't have to marry her. I wouldn't marry a local whatever her nationality. I would avoid a marriage with a local anytime.
She has to find a way to solve her problem, you can help her, but to marry you shouldn't be the solution.
About your daughter the US and European position is to focus on your daughter. I have an other position, if it is worthy, children don't have to get the highest priority, the same perhaps but not the highest. That's my position.
But really you must understand the complete understanding and full informations about this story of visa and her status in the US. That's the key.
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To be honest, my daughter is not happy with my relationship with this woman.
NOTE: Take my advice with a grain of salt.
My advice is to take your daughter out for a Father/Daughter day. Get up and do all
kinds of things all day together, ending with just you and her together for dinner.
Then ask her if she would be happy if you dumped the woman and dated some other
woman from E Harmony. I think you will find that she doesn't want you to date anyone.
(except possibly her mother) because she wants you for herself right now.
You need to get your daughter to buy in to the idea that you will be dating women but
that she is still the most important part of your life and that she can veto a woman but
she should try to consider your happiness (and loneliness).
Your daughter might surprise you.
Udachi!
Bill
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Teenaged girls are very difficult. Emotional roller coasters. I say that as a mother from an intact, stable, and happy marriage with three teens.
Wait until she is 16, at a minimum. Adult is even better. You won't regret it.
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@2tallbill: My daughter is very mature and very considerate of my feelings, my happiness. She is not happy about the idea of a blended family, this much is clear. Still, she's given me the green light, because she loves me and wants to see me happy. But, she'll still a child, and as such, she's not in a position to make such a weighty decision, even a selfless one like this. She's a happy, healthy, responsible, mature, confident young lady (better than I deserve, considering what a hellion I was at that age lol), and I know that even though she's telling me, it's OK, it's going to have a *huge* impact on her life. I guess what I'm saying is that she doesn't get veto power over my relationships, but at the same time, just because she's given me her blessing doesn't mean that *I* have the right to so thoroughly disrupt her life.
@Boethius: Waiting till she's 16 is something I've considered. She'll be a licensed driver at that point with a car of her own. A drastic change like this is a lot easier on a teenager when she has more latitude to come and go as she pleases! :-)
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Okay,
The HUSBAND IN RUSSIA has control over whether those kids stay in the States. Unless he has already approved it, which I would doubt as she is attempting to change her status, she needs to get his permission to live in Florida permanently.
Someone please correct me if I am wrong.
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Based upon the very limited information on the G/F here is what I would surmise.
1. The fact that she had been in the US for 3 years and cannot work (presumably because of her visa status) it can mean that she never applied for a work authorization and was her legally, or her visa expired long ago and she cannot get a work authorization because she is out of status (illegally here).
2. It is not necessarily the end of the world however. We have at least one member that was out of status for several years and applied for a green card and it was granted. She has since become a US citizen as well. If she has applied for a green card, even though out of status, she may get lucky and get it granted. Among other things, immigration will want to make sure she will not be collecting public benefits and can make a living on her own since she is not married now.
3. It is not clear to me how she has money to live on but does not work.
4. If her husband in Russia has never been in the USA, then I would assume she must have come on a Tourist Visa. If that is the case, she is probably trying to establish status now by immigrating. If this is the case, there is good reason to be suspicious about her motives as your friends informed you. Being married in the US to a US citizen will make her immigration immensely easier. If she had gotten married prior to her visa expiring, it would have been relatively easy for her to have immigrated then.
5. I would suggest that it is very important for you to determine her history and visa status during the 3 years she has been here.
6. The questions about the children immigrating are difficult to nail down. I don' t know anything about immigrating from Russia, as our experience is with Ukraine. Initially, earlier I was planning on doing a K-1/K-3 for a fiance with a child. The US embassy required proof that the child was allowed to emigrate to the US. The 'proof' was part of the paperwork in preparation for the interview at the US Embassy. It was my understanding that the 'permission' documents were verified prior to or at the interview.
7. Either the laws changed for US immigration, or by us changing to an Adjustment of Status resulted in a completely different procedure. First of all, we ended up getting married in Ukraine. The obstacle was for my wifes daughter to get a tourist visa to visit the USA and come to visit with her mother. Getting the tourist visa was not easy. The tourist visa requires that the child have a Ukraine International Passport. Once she did, the US seemed to have no interest in any more proof that she could leave the country or any additional proof of parental permission.
The kicker was on the Ukrainian side. Ukraine will not issue an International Passport to a child without consent of the both parents or a court order that removes this constraint. Once the international passport was granted, there were no more questions from US authorities or Ukraine authorities.
8. I know of one case of a Ukraine woman married to an American that had overstayed her visa a couple years and got caught. She was deported back to Ukraine with their child while the husband stayed in America and was working to pay off the fines, etc.
9. Finding out the details of her visa status is probably the most important thing to do now and verify the information. This will give you the information you need to analyze her motives for wanting to get married so quickly.
10. As far as the problems with your daughter accepting your G/F, don't feel bad. I went through the same thing. My daughter screwed up some very nice relationships with women that would have made wonderful wives and step-mothers. My logic at the time was that your child should not prevent you from moving on and having a life. Unfortunately, it was probably a mistake. As hard as it is, I would suggest to not do what I did, and instead take the advice given by others to put it off a few years.
Good luck!
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First - :welcome: Karl! I hope you are able to distil the information given here into something which suits your situation.
While I don't have any children myself, so can't comment on your daughter's attitude from a parent's point of view, I CAN comment on it from a child's point of view because I went through the same thing. My parents split up when I was five and, although I saw my father regularly (as a "Sunday daddy" every couple of weeks), I was brought up solely by my mother. Although she had a couple of reasonably long-term boyfriends, I never considered them good enough for her (possibly to my shame, as one of them was a very nice guy - the other, not so much, although he never did anything majorly wrong), and I, too, was worried that I might lose her.
I have occasionally wondered over the years how my life might have turned out had she married either of these men. Your daughter may well be wondering the same thing, but I would hope that your description of "terrified" is an exaggeration. If you really have the relationship which you have described, I don't think that she would be so insecure as to imagine that you would abandon her.
Your girlfriend, on the other hand, seems to be an interesting case. You say that she has lived in the USA for three years already, and has children with her. How did she arrive? Surely she didn't just up stakes from Russia, with small children, and decide that life in Florida would be far superior to living in Moscow (or wherever). What did she use for money at that time? Did she come over as (for want of a better term) a "Mail Order Bride," in a relationship which subsequently fell apart? Your description of her having a condo suggests that she has money of her own - does she come from a rich family, or did she have a really well-paying job in Russia?
You don't have to answer these questions publicly - I'm just throwing them out as suggestions for you to ask yourself (and her, if you don't already know the answers). I'm sure there are other things that members here would add to the list.
Above all else, it's YOUR life, not ours. Although you may wish to consider some of the input from the board, the final decision obviously rests with you. Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best.
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Welcome to the forum Karl,
You've known the lady for 8 months yet you hope to get the insight of people who doesn't know her. You should know what you need to know in 8 months easy. Move forward or move on. FSU women love men who can make a decision. She broke up with you once. If you can't make a decision, another breakup is inevitable. You've said many wonderful things about her. Can you find another woman that is all that or more?
You say she's never led you to believe she's insincere but you question her immigration status. Her parents and sister are American citizens. She doesn't need you to get a green card. Her family can sponsor her.
As far as children goes, I believe it's best when children grow up with two loving parents instead of one. The key word is "loving". You mention the lady is a wonderful mother. How is she with your daughter?
I don't see a problem with your lady if your analysis of her is correct.
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As Calmissile wrote and better than i did:
9. Finding out the details of her visa status is probably the most important thing to do now and verify the information. This will give you the information you need to analyze her motives for wanting to get married so quickly.
And you need to hurry up guy,
because there are three options
1/ Her motivation is not genuine and her request comes not from love but to solve a personal problem. Bad. Knowing the high capacity of men to mislead themselves and the capacity of women to fake or hide their motives i would not rely on the positive qualities you give her.
2/ You consider that you are not marriage material for personal reasons whatever the situation is. So it's time to tell her upfront. She stays or she leaves, it's time to find that you have two.
3/ As Billy said, FSU women are waiting men ready to make action. So if her request of marriage has nothing to do with her situation but comes from a loving woman showing amazing qualities that you never met before (compare to the locals you met, that is generally the case) it is time to consider that moving or not moving your asscould have two consequences : you will marry her or she will leave you.
It's really really time to look at you in a mirror ans ask yourself:
What i want?
Who i want?
Who am I?
I write this because in your post you look like the general flow of men who are indecisive about women and wait that things find their road naturally. Lets me tell you this type of men make FSU women rejecting them in the short, middle or long term of a relationship. That's a cultural difference you are not aware.
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The lady is already in the country so, she doesn't need you for a greencard. There is a high probability that she will get one with you or without you. She's here either on a visitor or a work visa and all she needs to do is overstay it and apply for residency. She'll probably get it.
You have to decide and proceed with this lady or not, based on your feelings for the woman and whether or not you believe you can make this extended family work.
Good luck
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How can she be here on a work visa if she is not allowed to work???
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The lady is already in the country so, she doesn't need you for a greencard. There is a high probability that she will get one with you or without you. She's here either on a visitor or a work visa and all she needs to do is overstay it and apply for residency. She'll probably get it.
Correct, especially here in the State of Florida. They push everyone through.
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How can she be here on a work visa if she is not allowed to work???
It's expired? It doesn't matter in any event. Not germane to the discussion. The OP had concerns on her intentions considering what others have filled his head with. She doesn't need him for a GC so, he can forget that one. If she is in-country, she can get in status and he doesn't have any control over that
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To be honest, my daughter is not happy with my relationship with this woman. Tatiana has bent over backwards to be open and loving and accommodating, but my daughter really hasn't opened up to her at all. She has a close relationship with her mom, but she's lived with me since she was a toddler; it's essentially been her and me for a decade now. She feels threatened not only by Tatiana, but by her kids as well. It's definitely an encroachment issue, that's for sure. She tells me I need to be with her, but that's because she's loving and selfless child who simply wants to see her dad happy; deep down I know she's terrified at the prospect of sharing me.
Based on this latest information, I would NOT take the relationship to another level. If you like/love the gal, as it appears you do, I would probably continue to 'date' her and let everything play out further before proceeding. It would not be hard for you to alienate/lose your daughter over this if you rush things. The Russian lady should understand that your daughter is your 1st priority for now, if she doesn't get that, then I would consider breaking thing off. If she does get your daughter is 1st priority, she should also realize that you are doing what is right for you, and she can continue to enjoy the relationship that you have currently.
My 2 cents.
Fathertime!
Re: Two bolded statements.
Bullshevism.
At 13, the daughter is doing what comes naturally for her; manipulate her dad. If you think for a second that it will change in the future; I have a bridge for sale.
Also, at 13 the father should sit down with the daughter and talk like adults. If she threatens to move with her mom, tell her that your teachings to her have failed but don't, for one second, do the guilty father routine.
I had this talk with my older brother because his daughter pulled the same stunt on him. Between you and me, I hate to say this, but my niece is being a spoiled brat, and she just turned 30 and doing her residency at a hospital in B'klyn. So, it is not a matter of being "ignorant."
Karl, if this lady has "bent over backwards" as you say to be nice to your daughter, what makes you think your daughter will have a change of heart? Time for a little tough love.
Asbestos suit on!
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NOTE: Take my advice with a grain of salt.
My advice is to take your daughter out for a Father/Daughter day. Get up and do all
kinds of things all day together, ending with just you and her together for dinner.
Then ask her if she would be happy if you dumped the woman and dated some other
woman from E Harmony. I think you will find that she doesn't want you to date anyone.
(except possibly her mother) because she wants you for herself right now.
You need to get your daughter to buy in to the idea that you will be dating women but
that she is still the most important part of your life and that she can veto a woman but
she should try to consider your happiness (and loneliness).
Your daughter might surprise you.
Udachi!
Bill
As I was saying...
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Teenaged girls are very difficult. Emotional roller coasters. I say that as a mother from an intact, stable, and happy marriage with three teens.
Wait until she is 16, at a minimum. Adult is even better. You won't regret it.
Boe, I wish that would be true!!
Edit: I was referring to wait until she is an adult. The first statements are correct.
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@2tallbill: My daughter is very mature and very considerate of my feelings, my happiness. She is not happy about the idea of a blended family, this much is clear. Still, she's given me the green light, because she loves me and wants to see me happy. But, she'll still a child, and as such, she's not in a position to make such a weighty decision, even a selfless one like this. She's a happy, healthy, responsible, mature, confident young lady (better than I deserve, considering what a hellion I was at that age lol), and I know that even though she's telling me, it's OK, it's going to have a *huge* impact on her life. I guess what I'm saying is that she doesn't get veto power over my relationships, but at the same time, just because she's given me her blessing doesn't mean that *I* have the right to so thoroughly disrupt her life.
@Boethius: Waiting till she's 16 is something I've considered. She'll be a licensed driver at that point with a car of her own. A drastic change like this is a lot easier on a teenager when she has more latitude to come and go as she pleases! :-)
This is known as "guilty conscience."
Guess what? My 20 year old should be considered for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Can you believe that?
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Based on this latest information, I would NOT take the relationship to another level. If you like/love the gal, as it appears you do, I would probably continue to 'date' her and let everything play out further before proceeding. It would not be hard for you to alienate/lose your daughter over this if you rush things. The Russian lady should understand that your daughter is your 1st priority for now, if she doesn't get that, then I would consider breaking thing off. If she does get your daughter is 1st priority, she should also realize that you are doing what is right for you, and she can continue to enjoy the relationship that you have currently.
My 2 cents.
Fathertime!
Re: Two bolded statements.
Bullshevism.
At 13, the daughter is doing what comes naturally for her; manipulate her dad. If you think for a second that it will change in the future; I have a bridge for sale.
Also, at 13 the father should sit down with the daughter and talk like adults. If she threatens to move with her mom, tell her that your teachings to her have failed but don't, for one second, do the guilty father routine.
I had this talk with my older brother because his daughter pulled the same stunt on him. Between you and me, I hate to say this, but my niece is being a spoiled brat, and she just turned 30 and doing her residency at a hospital in B'klyn. So, it is not a matter of being "ignorant."
Karl, if this lady has "bent over backwards" as you say to be nice to your daughter, what makes you think your daughter will have a change of heart? Time for a little tough love.
Asbestos suit on!
Truer words were never spoken.
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Based on this latest information, I would NOT take the relationship to another level. If you like/love the gal, as it appears you do, I would probably continue to 'date' her and let everything play out further before proceeding. It would not be hard for you to alienate/lose your daughter over this if you rush things. The Russian lady should understand that your daughter is your 1st priority for now, if she doesn't get that, then I would consider breaking thing off. If she does get your daughter is 1st priority, she should also realize that you are doing what is right for you, and she can continue to enjoy the relationship that you have currently.
My 2 cents.
Fathertime!
Re: Two bolded statements.
Bullshevism.
At 13, the daughter is doing what comes naturally for her; manipulate her dad. If you think for a second that it will change in the future; I have a bridge for sale.
Also, at 13 the father should sit down with the daughter and talk like adults. If she threatens to move with her mom, tell her that your teachings to her have failed but don't, for one second, do the guilty father routine.
I had this talk with my older brother because his daughter pulled the same stunt on him. Between you and me, I hate to say this, but my niece is being a spoiled brat, and she just turned 30 and doing her residency at a hospital in B'klyn. So, it is not a matter of being "ignorant."
Karl, if this lady has "bent over backwards" as you say to be nice to your daughter, what makes you think your daughter will have a change of heart? Time for a little tough love.
Asbestos suit on!
I can see having a different viewpoint on the issue..but to say what I wrote was bologna isn't an accurate statement. Hey, the guy can choose what he wants to choose A younger teenage daughter can easily hold a decision against her father forever, and frankly I don't think she would be entirely incorrect in doing so. From my viewpoint, the father's 'relationship happiness' should almost always play second fiddle to the child he created, as it pertains to second wives/step parents. That is how I would view it, at least at this point in the 'relationship'. Move down the line a couple years in terms of the daughter's age, and time spent in relationship, and I might agree with what you are saying....but not at this early point in the relationship...not to mention the Russian lady also has children of her own, which adds another difficult dimension to a, 'move into the house' type transition.....I say NO WAY, at this time.
It has nothing to do with the 'guilty father' routine (whatever that is), but rather where priorities lie...at least that is the way I see it. Why not let the relationship play out further?
Fathertime!
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By now the FSUW has probably moved on and already has a new boyfriend. 8)
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Boe, I wish that would be true!!
Well Muzh, it seems to me the gist of what you are saying is that the daughter will NEVER change in the foreseeable future. Perhaps in some cases...
Fathertime!
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A younger teenage daughter can easily hold a decision against her father forever, and frankly I don't think she would be entirely incorrect in doing so.
If Karl makes a very bad decision, the daughter may hold it against him but if he enters into a bad marriage, he still has the option to end it when it gets too bad to limit the damage.
Kids minds aren't fully developed and they may not understand things now, but will get a better understanding of them later. My dad was in the military and we moved a lot. My sisters and I would always protest because we will be losing the friends we have and would have to start all over again. I went to 4 different high schools. Now I'm older, I'm glad we had the opportunity to live all over the United States, including Hawaii. We even lived in Germany. I enjoyed the ride and if Karl make a good choice in a wife, his daughter will enjoy the ride too. She may initially reject her dad's new wife and kids but she can grow out of it.
Some people have the idea if he goes after a woman to compliment his life, he will neglect his #1 priority, his daughter. This is only true if Karl lets his #1 priority be replaced. Doesn't have to be that way but it's also unhealthy for Karl to neglect his #2,3,4 etc... priorities in his life. Marriage, sex, and job are right up there in most men's top 5.
Why not let the relationship play out further?
Karl can do that but there is a risk. The longer he holds out, the greater the chance he'll lose the woman. He's said nothing but good things about her so I assume she's a keeper. Maybe he can suggest they all move in together and see how everybody gets along before deciding to marry?
Karl said there's nothing to indicate the woman is insincere. If she did earn his trust and he cares for her and does want to proceed with advancing the relationship, he should help her get her green card. He should ask questions. There may be an attorney involved and he can help her and her family out financially paying for that attorney and document fees.
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My Daddy always told me......better to ask pertinent questions than giving bad advice.
Answers are always given from questions. Give this poor man the questions he needs to ask!!!
This is turning into another........... members arguing over 'I know more than vs you know nothing'!!!
I can only say what I did with my daughter. The ex was getting remarried rather quickly....I had a serious talk with my daughter, she was 12, I asked her what she thought of her mom getting remarried, she said it was too soon and it was not a good idea. I asked her, do you want your Mom to be happy? are you afraid of losing your mom? Answers were yes. I told her, your mom wants her happiness, she wants a family again and that includes her. She will always be loved by me and her mother. One day you(my daughter) will leave and start your own family and find happiness and you will always have your mom and dad there for you.
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Many guys who marry a woman from the FSU and assure her permanent status here in the US have fleeting thoughts about whether he is being used as a mule. In your situation there have not been enough questions asked to see whether there are signs that such is the case.
I have seen nothing that states that this woman has permanent residency or green card status. Please, someone point out to me where it says that she has such status in the US. Instead, she could be here on an over-stayed tourist visa. You haven't even told us anything but the broad strokes that she is attempting to correct her visa situation.
Karl, would you be so kind as to find out her status and inform the forum. Also, if she is here on a tourist visa, the husband in Russia has rights. Finding out the status will take you a long way to resolving many of the questions presented here.
Take logical steps to protect your current family. Only you can decide what they are. But there are too many stories, of all types, to not understand what you are getting in to. Have you ever heard the term VAWA? (Now, before the Forum goes off the deep end for me suggesting he acquaint himself with the term, we all know that there are guys who had a wonderful wife right up until the time that she claimed he was beating her.) I have a friend whose mother used VAWA to gain permanent status here in the US. My friend didn't even understand what had happened, just that her mother now had her green card, until I explained it to her.
You can have many different answers from the forum to your inquiry. But it all boils down to being able to understand what ramifications there are for yourself, and your daughter.
I spoke earlier that I had personal experience with this decision. As hard as it was, both my ex and I decided that we would wait until our children graduated from high school before we re-married. To this date, both of my kids have stated, again and again, how much they appreciated this.
Please, keep us informed as you move forward.
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If Karl makes a very bad decision, the daughter may hold it against him but if he enters into a bad marriage, he still has the option to end it when it gets too bad to limit the damage.
Kids minds aren't fully developed and they may not understand things now, but will get a better understanding of them later. My dad was in the military and we moved a lot. My sisters and I would always protest because we will be losing the friends we have and would have to start all over again. I went to 4 different high schools. Now I'm older, I'm glad we had the opportunity to live all over the United States, including Hawaii. We even lived in Germany. I enjoyed the ride and if Karl make a good choice in a wife, his daughter will enjoy the ride too. She may initially reject her dad's new wife and kids but she can grow out of it.
Some people have the idea if he goes after a woman to compliment his life, he will neglect his #1 priority, his daughter. This is only true if Karl lets his #1 priority be replaced. Doesn't have to be that way but it's also unhealthy for Karl to neglect his #2,3,4 etc... priorities in his life. Marriage, sex, and job are right up there in most men's top 5.
Karl can do that but there is a risk. The longer he holds out, the greater the chance he'll lose the woman. He's said nothing but good things about her so I assume she's a keeper. Maybe he can suggest they all move in together and see how everybody gets along before deciding to marry?
Karl said there's nothing to indicate the woman is insincere. If she did earn his trust and he cares for her and does want to proceed with advancing the relationship, he should help her get her green card. He should ask questions. There may be an attorney involved and he can help her and her family out financially paying for that attorney and document fees.
Well billyb, I'd argue that the woman may NOT be a keeper if she realizes the OP's daughter isn't comfortable and yet is pressing to move into the house anyway.
Regardless of how undeveloped the 13 year daughter's brain may be, her feelings should be respected within reason. Maybe she doesn't particularly like or want to live with the lady's children. Being forced into that sort of living situation would aggravate me too.
Overall, I don't see why the Russian lady was essentially demanding to move in since they only met in August and by February they fell out because of this unmet demand. Something information may be missing, because to this point there doesn't need to be a rush or pushing for living together so quickly since they live in the same area anyway....not like an overseas thing where people are almost forced to give it a go or be on different continents.
I think we are giving the man food for thought.
Fathertime!
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I spoke earlier that I had personal experience with this decision. As hard as it was, both my ex and I decided that we would wait until our children graduated from high school before we re-married. To this date, both of my kids have stated, again and again, how much they appreciated this.
The majority of my children's friends are in blended families. From the time they were in 7th grade, all three of them used to say how happy they were that they didn't have to deal with step parents, and how unhappy all of their friends were. Oddly, none of them had issues with step siblings.
I/O changed my position on this one, because he is such an awesome father, but I still think it should be looked at on a case by case basis.
I think fathertime makes a good point. What type of woman would push for this knowing her lover's child is hostile to it, especially after a mere 8 1/2 months? What mother would put her own children into this type of situation, or jump into a marriage after such a short time frame?
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Well billyb, I'd argue that the woman may NOT be a keeper if she realizes the OP's daughter isn't comfortable and yet is pressing to move into the house anyway.
When I met my first wife, she had a young son that felt threaten by me. Obviously I was taking his mom's attention from him. Kids are naturally selfish. After a while he warmed up to me because I gave him attention in return replacing what he lost. Although the marriage didn't last, still to this day he calls me "pop". Kids moving to new schools don't always like it but they will adapt. Kids can adapt to situations more than adults in a lot of cases. It's taken 8 months for Karl to get "almost" comfortable with his lady. If she's a good woman, his daughter will need much less time.
If Karl's woman is a good woman as he insisted, he and everyone here needs to relax on the issue that she will be destructive to his daughter's growth. Paranoia will destroya.
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When I met my first wife, she had a young son that felt threaten by me. Obviously I was taking his mom's attention from him. Kids are naturally selfish. After a while he warmed up to me because I gave him attention in return replacing what he lost. Although the marriage didn't last, still to this day he calls me "pop". Kids moving to new schools don't always like it but they will adapt. Kids can adapt to situations more than adults in a lot of cases. It's taken 8 months for Karl to get "almost" comfortable with his lady. If she's a good woman, his daughter will need much less time.
If Karl's woman is a good woman as he insisted, he and everyone here needs to relax on the issue that she will be destructive to his daughter's growth. Paranoia will destroya.
There are too many open questions here to offer such blanket assurances. Moreover there is a lot of difference between a young son who can be won over and a teenage daughter.
I noticed, to bolster your assertions, you didn't mention his age! How old was he when you met him?
I don't know if you have ever had a daughter, Billy, but I have, and I have a pretty good understanding of how they view their Dad. Young ladies believe in their father with all of their hearts until they don't.
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having some experience of this , i can see both sides of the coin here,
personally i dont think we have all the info yet to give him our best opinions , nor does he , if i was being asked or contemplating moving in with a woman , blending our familys , i would make it my business to know her visa status , its not that important on its own , but it shows to me there could be a lack of trust or deeper level of understanding /communication going on between them both
blended familys are complicated , especially at the outset, all of the cards need to be put on the table here before it can move forward by both parents ,
both parents need to be on the same page in most of the important aspects of family life,
discipline , values , education etc
it will flounder very quickly if it is set up on expectations alone without deeper communication and commitment from both parents
all the kids should imo be involved and their issues discussed , with the objective being that they are informed , involved and any issues they raise can be adressed and fears allayed before they fester and resentment sets in ,
clingy , kids are normal , especially after their original family/parnets have been seperated or divorced , they need reassurance of love , but they cannot be allowed to dictate terms ime
the tail does not wag the dog
adults if their happy and balanced will provide a good enviroment for their kids to flourish in , be supported & develop themselves , kids will adapt , if nurtured well with open honest communication and trust builds over time , it takes commitment from the adults to the long term process
kids all grow up and move on with their lives , im not an advocate of putting yours totally on hold , somehow thinking the child will benefit , often they dont ime , they just grow up never learning to share, compromise and work through life difficultys in a responsible way
having had a hand in 7 kids lives, all over 20 now in blended familys the results can be well worth the effort , if you commit to it with the right person
IS SHE THE RIGHT PERSON ??
SX
how many kids does your lady have and the ages ??
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I don't know if you have ever had a daughter, Billy
Almost. He contacted his wife when she was 17. He was in his forties.
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There are too many open questions here to offer such blanket assurances. Moreover there is a lot of difference between a young son who can be won over and a teenage daughter.
I noticed, to bolster your assertions, you didn't mention his age! How old was he when you met him?
2 1/2 years. Doesn't really matter the age. All kids can adjust when the environment around them changes.
Young ladies believe in their father with all of their hearts until they don't.
All kids believe in their parents until they don't. Usually that happens when their minds get mature enough to understand their parents flaws.
He contacted his wife when she was 17. He was in his forties.
See Jone, I got experience with kids of all ages.
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She is not happy about the idea of a blended family, this much is clear.
The majority of my children's friends are in blended families.
What is a blended family? Russian/American or Different marriages? or something else?
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Canadian/Canadian, Chinese/Chinese, South African/South African, Russian/Canadian, etc.
I don't think that really matters much. I meant children of divorce, with the kids coping with step parents.
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When I met my now wife Angel Eyes, she had a daughter (Smileygirl) then
12 years old. (She turned 14 today). Smileygirl wasn't very keen on the idea of moving
to the USA, so I had two hearts to win over not just one and eventually I did just that.
If it would take another year to accomplish this then that's what I would have done.
It sounds like the FSU girl friend is willing to bend over backwards, so I still think getting
the daughter to buy into the idea is the best option.
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When I met my now wife Angel Eyes, she had a daughter (Smileygirl) then 12 years old. (She turned 14 today).
Happy Birthday to Smileygirl from all of us at RWD! :clapping:
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Happy Birthday to Smileygirl from all of us at RWD! :clapping:
Spasibo ;D
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С Днем Рождения))
keep that channel alive you got fans/
in case you didn't find anything useful, check the link
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Karl, would you be so kind as to find out her status and inform the forum. Also, if she is here on a tourist visa, the husband in Russia has rights. Finding out the status will take you a long way to resolving many of the questions presented here.
We spoke yesterday. I'm not familiar enough with US immigration law to know precisely what questions to ask, but here's some hopefully useful information:
-She got here two years ago on a visitor's visa.
-She has filled out all the forms and written all the checks to the State Department toward her residency, and is now just waiting; she figures about two years to get a green card
-Her status is, as she explains it, 100 percent legal and that she's in no danger of being deported
-Her father and half-sister are both US citizens
-Her ex-husband (and her kids' father) is back in Russia He is a businessman of some sort, and seemingly successful, as he sends her a few thousand dollars every month for the kids
-She was an attorney back in Russia
-Her children are *very* nice, which I choose to believe is a reflection on her. I really like them and they really like me. My daughter, as you might imagine, is a little cool toward them.
-I know I'm jaded, but in terms of her appearance, she's absolutely stunning; strange women have approached us while we were together to tell her how pretty she is. I'm an attractive guy, so I know what life is like with a beautiful woman, but this was new to me. Point is, if it was strictly about marriage ----> green card -----> dumpage, she'd have had no trouble whatsoever finding an older rich guy on whom to work her wiles. I have a good career, but I am not rich.
Hopefully that's some useful information. If you wanna know more, ask. Feel free to PM me as well. This outpouring of advice has taken me by surprise, and believe me when I say it means a lot to me, regardless of which way you're pointing me. I apologize for not having been around; it's been a crazy week. I promise to stay engaged in the discussion and to keep you good folks apprised.
-Karl
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Visitor's Visa? Never heard of it!
Unless the general category over tourist visas.
Generally, a citizen of a foreign country who wishes to enter the United States must first obtain a visa, either a nonimmigrant visa for temporary stay, or an immigrant visa for permanent residence. Visitor visas are nonimmigrant visas for persons who want to enter the United States temporarily for business (visa category B-1), tourism, pleasure or visiting (visa category B-2), or a combination of both purposes (B-1/B-2).
Those of us who have had to deal with visa issues know that you cannot stay permanently here on a tourist visa.
But there is something you said that possibly would give credibility to her staying here: Her father is a US citizen.
She may have been a lawyer, in Russia, but that is not the same as being an attorney here in the US. It is much different.
Thank you for coming back here and updating us.
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Visitor's Visa? Never heard of it!
Unless the general category over tourist visas.
Generally, a citizen of a foreign country who wishes to enter the United States must first obtain a visa, either a nonimmigrant visa for temporary stay, or an immigrant visa for permanent residence. Visitor visas are nonimmigrant visas for persons who want to enter the United States temporarily for business (visa category B-1), tourism, pleasure or visiting (visa category B-2), or a combination of both purposes (B-1/B-2).
Those of us who have had to deal with visa issues know that you cannot stay permanently here on a tourist visa.
But there is something you said that possibly would give credibility to her staying here: Her father is a US citizen.
She may have been a lawyer, in Russia, but that is not the same as being an attorney here in the US. It is much different.
Thank you for coming back here and updating us.
Still scratching my head how someone on a tourist visa can bring their kids to USA with them.....that reeks immigrating.......
You can change your status here in US from tourist visa to ??.... read this one time, not sure if the person married.
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Based upon what the OP wrote, it appears that she overstayed her tourist visa. It also appears that she has applied for an Adjustment of Status to gain permanent residency.
During the period of time her AOS is being reviewed, she can legally stay in the USA. However, until she received a work permit and travel permit, she cannot work and should not leave the USA until her green card is issued. If she were to travel out of the US during this limbo period, her application for a green card will be considered abandoned and she probably cannot be readmitted.
It can take some years for the AOS to be processed and approved or denied, depending on the circumstances of her situation.
Being married might speed up her green card, however it is not a requirement. Perhaps her motives are legit, it's hard to know for sure. Perhaps he should continue the relationship, but use common sense and not commit to a marriage any sooner that he would for a native US citizen.
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We spoke yesterday. I'm not familiar enough with US immigration law to know precisely what questions to ask, but here's some hopefully useful information:
-She got here two years ago on a visitor's visa.
-She has filled out all the forms and written all the checks to the State Department toward her residency, and is now just waiting; she figures about two years to get a green card
-Her status is, as she explains it, 100 percent legal and that she's in no danger of being deported
-Her father and half-sister are both US citizens
-Her ex-husband (and her kids' father) is back in Russia He is a businessman of some sort, and seemingly successful, as he sends her a few thousand dollars every month for the kids
-She was an attorney back in Russia
-Her children are *very* nice, which I choose to believe is a reflection on her. I really like them and they really like me. My daughter, as you might imagine, is a little cool toward them.
-I know I'm jaded, but in terms of her appearance, she's absolutely stunning; strange women have approached us while we were together to tell her how pretty she is. I'm an attractive guy, so I know what life is like with a beautiful woman, but this was new to me. Point is, if it was strictly about marriage ----> green card -----> dumpage, she'd have had no trouble whatsoever finding an older rich guy on whom to work her wiles. I have a good career, but I am not rich.
Hopefully that's some useful information. If you wanna know more, ask. Feel free to PM me as well. This outpouring of advice has taken me by surprise, and believe me when I say it means a lot to me, regardless of which way you're pointing me. I apologize for not having been around; it's been a crazy week. I promise to stay engaged in the discussion and to keep you good folks apprised.
-Karl
There is nothing you've written that would indicate to me that she is pursuing you for anything other than a relationship. Doesn't mean she doesn't have ulterior motives just nothing you've written would indicate it. As I stated earlier, she doesn't need you for a green card and if she is currently in status, there's nothing you can help her with to get one. Forget that as her motive. Also, she's versed in law and likely knows what she's doing far more than you.
The behavior and question of your daughter is something different entirely but, it does sound that if you are being manipulated it's by your daughter instead of the RW. I was a single parent with 2 kids so I can relate to your dilemma. Before they went off to college I came close to remarrying but each time chose not to. I didn't pursue my current wife until they had both left home. I think both of my kids would have adjusted fine to a new woman in the house although one of them, they were not to warm with.
IMHO, your question and nobody here can answer it for you is the question of your daughter. Will you allow her manipulation to interfere with your possible happiness. She has that right and she is a product of your upbringing. Sometimes a father is doing more good for the kid by telling them no and teaching them that they don't always get their way. You know better what she needs. Food for thought
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Still scratching my head how someone on a tourist visa can bring their kids to USA with them.....that reeks immigrating.......
You can change your status here in US from tourist visa to ??.... read this one time, not sure if the person married.
Yes you can convert a Tourist Visa to a green card however it is discouraged. The key is that you did not commit fraud by intending to immigrate when you came on a tourist visa. It happens all the time. In fact, my wife and step-daughter are in the process of doing an AOS right now.
Yes, you can bring kids to the USA on a tourist visa. That is how my step-daughter was admitted. Both are doing an AOS.
If you want an idea how common this is check out the cases on this web site....
http://www.trackitt.com/usa-immigration-trackers
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Based upon what the OP wrote, it appears that she overstayed her tourist visa. It also appears that she has applied for an Adjustment of Status to gain permanent residency.
During the period of time her AOS is being reviewed, she can legally stay in the USA. However, until she received a work permit and travel permit, she cannot work and should not leave the USA until her green card is issued. If she were to travel out of the US during this limbo period, her application for a green card will be considered abandoned and she probably cannot be readmitted.
It can take some years for the AOS to be processed and approved or denied, depending on the circumstances of her situation.
Being married might speed up her green card, however it is not a requirement. Perhaps her motives are legit, it's hard to know for sure. Perhaps he should continue the relationship, but use common sense and not commit to a marriage any sooner that he would for a native US citizen.
It's highly unlikely she'll be denied. With family already here and citizens she has an excellent case. Although she would likely be approved without them. She's educated, has support and met the requirements for a visitors
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It's highly unlikely she'll be denied. With family already here and citizens she has an excellent case. Although she would likely be approved without them. She's educated, has support and met the requirements for a visitors
Agree
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I agree with both of you. She will probably obtain permanent status without needing his participation. That is why I clued in on the Father being a citizen.
But I still don't think he ever got the whole answer. If anything it was a lawyer's dodge. Visitor's Visa. She knew exactly what she was saying.......
Or our OP didn't quite know the questions to ask.
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Still scratching my head how someone on a tourist visa can bring their kids to USA with them.....that reeks immigrating.......
You can change your status here in US from tourist visa to ??.... read this one time, not sure if the person married.
It is much easier than you think if a spouse remains in Russia. Especially if grandparent(s) are US citizens.
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It sounds like she is here on a 3 year visitors visa. She got here, sometime later decided to apply to change her status. It's not really complicated. Once in country it's not amounting to much more than paying the fees
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It sounds like she is here on a 3 year visitors visa. She got here, sometime later decided to apply to change her status. It's not really complicated. Once in country it's not amounting to much more than paying the fees
One small correction. She and her children might even have a 10 year/ multi-entry tourist visa. It does not mean that you can remain beyond the specific approved period that is entered on your I-94 for each visit. It is unusual for individual visits to be granted more than 6 months on a tourist visa. Once you overstay the departure date on your I-94, you are out of status and therefore illegal.
As you correctly stated, as soon as USCIS cashes your check and issues an "A" number for an AOS, you are no longer Out of Status (Illegal) and can legally stay in the USA until a decision is made on the AOS. Of course, you cannot work or get a SSN during the limbo period.
In California, the limbo period creates another problem. Your drivers license expiration date is tied to the departure date on the I-94 and there is no way to renew or extend it during the period the AOS is in limbo.
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It is much easier than you think if a spouse remains in Russia. Especially if grandparent(s) are US citizens.
It could easily been ascertained there was 'intent' on staying in USA from these visa's given to a family. What ties could there have been to go back to Russia?
BTW- it was not a spouse, they were divorced, yes?
Could there have been some $$/arm twisting to get visa's? Interesting to know what actually happened!!!
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One small correction. She and her children might even have a 10 year/ multi-entry tourist visa. It does not mean that you can remain beyond the specific approved period that is entered on your I-94 for each visit. It is unusual for individual visits to be granted more than 6 months on a tourist visa. Once you overstay the departure date on your I-94, you are out of status and therefore illegal.
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It is quite easy to get another 6 month extension but I thought on tourist visa's it was maximum 1 year before you have to go back to your country. How does this affect current topic's info???
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Yes you can convert a Tourist Visa to a green card however it is discouraged. The key is that you did not commit fraud by intending to immigrate when you came on a tourist visa. It happens all the time. In fact, my wife and step-daughter are in the process of doing an AOS right now.
Yes, you can bring kids to the USA on a tourist visa. That is how my step-daughter was admitted. Both are doing an AOS.
That sounds about right then. Her visa does not allow her to work or study, that much I know, so I guess that narrows it down to a tourist visa?
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It's highly unlikely she'll be denied. With family already here and citizens she has an excellent case. Although she would likely be approved without them. She's educated, has support and met the requirements for a visitors
That's what she seems to indicate. She has expressed really no concern at all that she'll gain status. She did mention that neither she nor the kids can leave the US until she gains said status, lest she not be readmitted, but she also said there's a waiver of some sort that will allow international travel while she's waiting on her green card.
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It sounds like she is here on a 3 year visitors visa. She got here, sometime later decided to apply to change her status. It's not really complicated. Once in country it's not amounting to much more than paying the fees
That sounds about right. She's chucked out a bunch of money toward her status, and is now just waiting.
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That sounds about right. She's chucked out a bunch of money toward her status, and is now just waiting.
Visitors visa( tourist) are from 3 months to 10 years..... different than what states on I-94 when you enter USA.
Something must have happened during initial entry that got her into her current 'status'....that is 2-3 years ago.
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To give real example, a single girl I knew from Moldova(with a child) secured a tourist visa( how, I haven't the faintest), for 10 years. While here, she(we) were looking for ways for her to stay longer. Her I-94 was for 3 months, she asked for an extension and it was granted 6 months, during this time I lost track of her. She did end up going back home but returned <one year. She did get married and recently got divorced. I always knew she was intent on living in USA and of course....her child is with her.
During our research, we did find examples of persons changing AOS to stay longer......I don't remember how...now. It wasn't big bucks involved.
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It is quite easy to get another 6 month extension but I thought on tourist visa's it was maximum 1 year before you have to go back to your country. How does this affect current topic's info???
A couple issues...
Yes, you can get and extension on a tourist visa in some circumstances if you apply when you are in status (not overstayed the departure date).
Once you have overstayed your departure date, they will not give an extension and you have to leave the country. Re-entry after you have overstayed is not automatic that it will be approved. USCIS seemingly wants to punish those that overstay their departure dates. It is not clear cut what 'penalties' will be applied and seem to be on a case by case basis.
However, note that if you have overstayed your departure date or visa expired, you can apply for permanent residency via the AOS process, and you can stay until it is decided.
It is important to note that you cannot get a visa extension once you have applied for an AOS. Nevertheless, the AOS allows someone to stay in the USA until a decision is made on the AOS.
The most common applications for green cards for most of us fit into 3 categories and there are advantages and disadvantages to each of them.
1. Filing for a Fiance visa. Fiance usually stays in foreign country until visa is approved. Then fiance can come to USA and has 3 months to get married. After marriage, applies for green card and permanent residence. Note: We found it difficult for future wife to get tourist visa prior to marriage. Denied the first attempt. Only approved after marriage in Ukraine.
2. Spousal Visa. For cases where you have married already and your wife resides in a foreign country. It is not very clear in the immigration documents, but there seems to be a preference to those that are already married. I believe it is categorized under something called a Family Unification or words to that affect.
3. Adjustment of Status. This is for cases where the applicant for a green card is already physically in the USA. You might be already married, a student that is here on a student visa, someone on a work visa, etc. Again, it appears that if you are already married, there is less hassle getting approved.
If you are married and doing an AOS, the husband sponsors the wife as a Foreign Immediate Relative and you apply with a form I-130. One of the most popular methods today for a married couple to do an AOS, is when the wife is already here (even on a tourist visa) to apply for everything at once.
I-130 Petition for Foreign Immediate Relative (also for step-children of wife).
I-485 Application for Adjustment of Status - from present visa to Green Card
I-131 Application for Travel Document - Allows the applicant to leave the USA temporarily without being considered out of status.
I-765 Application or Employment Authorization - Allows the applicant to get a SSN and legally work while the AOS is being processed.
G-1145 Email notification of AOS status
This is oversimplified as there are many more documents required that deal with family history, financial docs, divorce docs, etc. The advantages are obvious to those that find this method their best option. Your wife and children can be in the USA while all the processing is going on, which can take months to years. In addition, while you are living together as a married family, there is no doubt less trouble convincing immigration that it is not a sham marriage. With joint bank accounts, the kids in school, wife's drivers license, etc. it is pretty clear that the 'Family Unification' is a good thing for both the family and intent of the immigration policies.
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That's what she seems to indicate. She has expressed really no concern at all that she'll gain status. She did mention that neither she nor the kids can leave the US until she gains said status, lest she not be readmitted, but she also said there's a waiver of some sort that will allow international travel while she's waiting on her green card.
It's called an Advanced Parole. She can apply for that if she has applied and waiting for Adjustment of Status and get it without much fanfare. My wife traveled on it once before she got her 2 year green card. She didn't have any issues but, I have heard stories of where folks did. Usually a result of all the paperwork not being strictly in order.
It's always risky for her to leave the country while her AOS is pending. If she happened to lose her AP document while out of the country she would be SOL (shit out of luck)
Visitors visa( tourist) are from 3 months to 10 years..... different than what states on I-94 when you enter USA.
Something must have happened during initial entry that got her into her current 'status'....that is 2-3 years ago.
There's a whole host of reasons and exceptions that one can apply for change of status while here on a tourist visa. It's one reason why they use to be so difficult to get a tourist visa. Once they are in country, feet on the ground it's looked at much differently. The process is generally much longer to approval
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A better link for tracking all family based visa applications....
http://www.trackitt.com/usa-immigration-trackers/family-based
A link to track concurrent I-130/I-485 applications
http://www.trackitt.com/usa-immigration-trackers/i130-i485
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It is unusual for individual visits to be granted more than 6 months on a tourist visa.
Border patrol can give up to a year on a tourist visa without the visa holder having to leave the country but 6 months is usually the time they grant.
Karl, the lady is not using you for a visa. If she's doing the proper paperwork and paying her fees and our government has not told her to leave, she is doing nothing illegal. If you like her, ask her what you can do to help with her AOS.
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I disagree with many of you.
It is unlikely that a person can come into USA on a tourist visa . . . and then AOS to stay here . . . except when certain conditions are met.
The main one is . . . you marry a USA citizen.
There are other routes, mostly related to asylum issues, etc.
Having a father here as citizen does not help.
A USA citizen can help parents come to USA, but cannot help children above a certain age, or children who are married.
Sure, anyone can try AOS just like anyone can fill out paper work in their home country at USA embassies abroad to request permission to immigrate to USA. But there are long waiting lists and most are denied anyway.
Everyone needs to review the instructions for Form 485, particularly Part 2, Application Type.
Surely the readers here know that when a foreigner here in USA on a tourist or student visa marries a USA citizen and then petitions for AOS . . . there is much evidence that must be produced to try to convince that there is a valid marriage.
Now you are thinking that although a person who marries a USA citizen has to prove a valid marriage for a chance to stay here . . . and yet another person is not married at all to a USA citizen and they have a chance of gaining AOS??????
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It is unlikely that a person can come into USA on a tourist visa . . . and then AOS to stay here . . . except when certain conditions are met.
I've dated lots of FSU women in the states on just about every kind of visa there is. Some have become legal here after coming here on a tourist visa. They told me stories. My wife's friend has a mother that came here on a tourist visa and easily became legal. It really isn't that hard. Maybe we at the forum don't know the exact procedure to get this done but it can be done legally.
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I've dated lots of FSU women in the states on just about every kind of visa there is. Some have become legal here after coming here on a tourist visa. They told me stories. My wife's friend has a mother that came here on a tourist visa and easily became legal. It really isn't that hard. Maybe we at the forum don't know the exact procedure to get this done but it can be done legally.
Yes that is part of the problem. We tend to read what's on the government web site, take it literally, and then play amateur lawyer to interpret it. IIRC, on this forum there were many that argued that you cannot get a green card after arriving on a tourist visa, and go on to indicate that fraud is being committed, etc. In the past, there was a lot of fraud to get immigrants into the country at any cost. There were visa mills that brought thousands of foreigners into the country under any excuse possible, including fake marriages. As part of the fallout, it made life difficult for those legitimate couples to allow a fiance to visit the country before getting married. IMO, immigration is much more concerned about fake relationships than they are about preventing legitimate couples from uniting and the fiance immigrating. Part of the evidence of this, is the large amount of proof and documentation that is required now to prove the relationship is legitimate in order to get a fiance visa.
IMO, immigration has deliberately made the laws somewhat ambiguous. The discretion of issuing a visa is left up to the interviewer and those reviewing the applications. It allows the State Department to change policies on immigration without having to implement them in changes to the laws. If the visa regulations and requirements were detailed in black and white, then anyone meeting the specific requirements would have to be allowed to enter the USA. This way immigration can control the number of immigrants and they do not have to worry about appeals and lawsuits for someone being denied. It is just my opinion of why it is the way it is. In some minds, it is not fair and I cannot argue that. But, it is what it is.
There also appears to be a large difference in how immigration views married couples, vs. engaged couples when applying for a tourist visa. Engaged couples often have a difficult time getting a tourist visa for their fiance. For example, my fiance was denied a tourist visa before we were married (as well as nearly everyone else in the room). After getting married and explaining that I was waiting outside in the car, her tourist visa was expedited. One could claim that it was an isolated case, however speaking to others it appears to us to be common.
Here is more food for thought.... You would think that a married spouse applying for a tourist visa would be a very high risk of immigrating while in the USA. By that logic, you would think that a married spouse would not be granted a tourist visa. You would also think that in cases where they are granted tourist visas, they would be prohibited from adjusting status when in the USA. Quite the opposite is true. Not only are the tourist visas easier to get, but the AOS process seems to go smoothly for most couples. The links I provided gives ample evidence that many people in the USA on temporary visas are converting to green cards on a regular basis. The preference to grant tourist visas to married applicants does not appear to be codified in immigration law. It appears to be part of the flexibility that immigration has to make decisions without having to deal with black and white rules.
My wife and daughter were granted 10 year/multi-entry tourist visas. It should be intuitively obvious that they would plan to immigrate at some point. I was not aware of the AOS process to any detail when they arrived here. We had planned to apply for a spousal visa (CR-1, CR-2) while they were here. They had departure dates on their form I-94, 6 months from their arrival date. They also have round trip tickets as they had originally planned to return and wait for the spousal visa. Once learning about the AOS process, it is a different world. The concurrent filing of Immigration/Adjustment of Status/Work Authorization/Travel Permit is a process that appears to be a streamlined process to actually encourage 'family unification'. Note: You cannot apply for adjustment of status unless the foreign applicant is physically in the US at the time.
I cannot rationalize the apparent large differences in immigration policies between applying from a foreign country and those already on US soil. In any case, it is what it is and complying with the regulations is of great importance. In my opinion, being married prior to application, and not overstaying any visa are the important considerations. There are still many K-1 and CR-1 visas being approved and the traditional way of doing this is the still the most common method.
Lastly, although I have a disdain for lawyers in general, they are still doing an enormous business getting immigration visas for foreigners. I have personally spoken to local immigrants about how they immigrated and learned that many of them paid $10K - $20K for the immigration process. If this were as simple as reading the web site requirements and filling out the forms correctly, you would think that they could figure this out themselves and avoid these fees. Obviously there is more to the story than what is obvious. On one lawyers web site, I recently read that lawyers are less constrained by what the regulations indicate to us unwashed, but instead have the history of what works rather than common interpretations of the written regulations. I suppose this is true of much practice of law in the USA. I also suspect that immigration is not so dense as to allow the lawyers to pull the wool over their eyes. It would seem that the lawyers find 'legal' processes that work and that is why they can command the large fees for success.
I do not want to imply or recommend doing an AOS rather than the conventional Fiance Visa or Spousal Visa. Circumstances and requirements are different for each of us. The traditional K-1/CR-1 visas are the most documented and may well be the best option for the largest number of members. Getting married outside the country and immigrating as a married spouse is just one of many, many ways to immigrate.
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I do not want to imply or recommend doing an AOS rather than the conventional Fiance Visa or Spousal Visa. Circumstances and requirements are different for each of us. The traditional K-1/CR-1 visas are the most documented and may well be the best option for the largest number of members. Getting married outside the country and immigrating as a married spouse is just one of many, many ways to immigrate.
It is also usually the quickest and path of least resistance.
I know a RW who was in the U.S. on a 3 month tourist visa. While here she met a man (eventually married) and overstayed her visa to explore a relationship with him. She was out of status and stayed out of status for almost 4 years. They knew where she was the entire time as she was in constant contact with USCIS as she was trying to get AOS for obvious reasons. She eventually married (and divorced) the man and had a baby during that time. She was finally approved and they sent her a 10 year green card. She even skipped all of the steps up to and after the 2 year green card. My point here is, nothing is cut and dried no matter how much we as forum debaters and lawyers discuss it here :D
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I cannot rationalize the apparent large differences in immigration policies between applying from a foreign country and those already on US soil.
Those already on US soil have been screened which saves a step that Immigration would have to do to those trying to get on US soil. Those on US soil have some knowledge how America works and after experiencing it, they desire to stay. America needs immigrants to help run our industrial machine since citizens are having less children. Green Card Lottery is still available to those from the FSU. It helps bring in immigrants and diversity to our nation. Making it simpler for those on US soil to get a green card makes it simpler for Immigration to get immigrants into this nation.
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Some are still confusing the issue.
There is no question that a person can come on K-1 visa, get married and then AOS.
There is no question that a person can get married overseas and come on CR or IR visa and then AOS.
There is no question that a person can come into USA on student, work or tourist visa, marry a USA citizen and then AOS.
There is no question than people can come into USA on various humanitarian visas and then AOS.
There is no question that a person can come on various types of H visas for skilled professionals and then AOS.
There is no question that people can come into USA on various types of E visas which requires an investment of X dollars into USA to start a business employing Y number of people and then AOS.
But look at Part 2 of I-485.
There are listed categories (a) through (h) of persons eligible to AOS.
None of them apply to a person who comes into USA on student, work or tourist visa and simply applies for AOS . . . without having already married a USA citizen.
The gal in the current discussion could not have applied for AOS (given her circumstance she told the OP) because she couldn't even have found a block to check from the categories a through f. You don't check a block, they send back your application. You check a block that is not true; then it's immigration fraud which leads to permanent bar, etc.
Yes, we can say that we heard X,Y, Z say they did this; but don't believe it for a minute. Persons who claim such are merely trying to hide something related to the real method they used to AOS . . . or are hiding the fact they did not AOS and are still here illegally.
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None of them apply to a person who comes into USA on student, work or tourist visa and simply applies for AOS . . . without having already married a USA citizen.
People who come to the US on any type of visa can qualify for AOS. They don't have to get married, they simply need to have family members living in America. Karl's lady's family are American citizens and they can start the paperwork to AOS.
http://www.immihelp.com/greencard/adjustmentofstatus/
http://www.hooyou.com/i-485/eligible.html
http://www.hooyou.com/i-485/vwp-filing-memo.html
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Not true Billy.
Read the references you posted.
"Immediate relatives" of a U.S. citizen refers to the parents, spouses, widows, and unmarried, minor (under 21 years of age) children of a U.S. citizen. Immediate relatives of a U.S. citizen can immigrate to the United States without being subject to any numerical restrictions, unlike other close family members of U.S. citizens or permanent residents.
Sure, other family categories can apply IN THEIR HOME COUNTRY, and be put on waiting lists of 10 years or more.
Further:
Unauthorized Employment, Unlawful Status or Failure to Maintain Status -- Aliens who have engaged in unauthorized employment, or who were not in lawful status at the time of filing the adjustment application, or who have failed to continuously maintain status for even a single day since their entry into the United States are barred from adjustment of status.
Exceptions -- This rule has several exceptions, which include:
Immediate relatives (spouses, parents and unmarried children under 21-years of age) of U.S. citizens are still eligible to adjust their status;
= = = = =
The woman referred to by OP was not in legal status, thus could not apply for AOS. The only exceptions are as listed above.
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ML, it's clear based on the link below that Karl's lady or her family isn't doing anything illegal. The lady doesn't have to be in legal status as long as our government has her paperwork and cashed her payment. Besides, when it doubt, there is a waiver for everything. When getting a tourist visa for my MIL, I was thinking of extending the time she could stay and changing the ticket. I was told by Homeland security she can overstay her visa as long as her paperwork was getting processed. If by a small chance they denied a tourist visa extension, she would then be illegally in America. Because Karl's lady has parents and siblings as American citizens, there's almost a zero chance she will be denied a green card. If our government doesn't do much to return illegal immigrants to their country after they crossed the border without paying for a tourist visa, what chance will they return home those that do pay?
http://www.immihelp.com/greencard/familybasedimmigration/categories.html
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Billy, you are not reading what you are referencing.
A USA citizen can get their parents into USA.
But a USA citizen cannot get their child into USA if they are over a certain age or are married.
Yes, anyone (brother, sister, child, cousin, non-relative) can apply for immigration FROM THEIR HOME COUNTRY.
Yes, if USCIS accepts your I-130 and I-485 and sends you NOA . . . then you can stay until case is decided.
But USCIS won't accept or send you NOA if you don't qualify under one of the categories (a) through (h) listed on the I-485.
And yes, it is a terrible mis-justice that people can come illegally and perhaps be allowed to stay under amnesty . . . while at the same time others are waiting years and years to immigrate legally.
But none of the current amnesty programs apply to the OP's woman. She came from the wrong country.
Oh, I just noticed that the last reference you posted has completely false info. And it is even contradictory, so a bad typo situation in its entirety.
See if you can notice the absurdity of the wording as to who is eligible. Hint: What is difference between son or daughter . . . and child? And what person is not either over 21 or under 21?
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I don't see this as cut and dried on either side of the argument. This is probably a case for an immigration attorney to work. There are many exceptions and immigration has a lot of leeway besides what is codified into law as depicted on the web site. Several months ago while researching this topic, I followed some immigration attorney's cases which got into case law and court rulings. It's amazing how much more there is to law than reading the code.
For example there is the battered spouse avenue. It is possible her husband was here on a legit work visa like so many in our city working for ESRI. Perhaps he left and she stayed behind and became out of status because she did not follow him. If she claims it was a result of domestic violence, she clearly has an avenue to seek a green card. There are many exceptions to the 'rules' we read about. Do we even know if they got legally divorced?
Here is a link to some of the exceptions. We don't know enough to speculate on her circumstances but it would appear to me that she may have retained an attorney to work her immigration issues.
http://www.uscis.gov/humanitarian/battered-spouse-children-parents
In any case, I would be suspicious of her motives to want to marry quickly since it would assist her in getting a green card with a lot less hassle than using an attorney. If the OP is able to delve deeper into the specifics of her case, he would be better informed to evaluate her motives which could be innocent or worse case, someone trying to avoid deportation.
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Billy, you are not reading what you are referencing.
A USA citizen can get their parents into USA.
But a USA citizen cannot get their child into USA if they are over a certain age or are married.
Yes, anyone (brother, sister, child, cousin, non-relative) can apply for immigration FROM THEIR HOME COUNTRY.
Please read my last link. It clearly states US citizens can petition their relatives. Sons and daughters can be ANY age over 21. They don't have to leave America to do so. My mom sponsored her siblings and parents from Vietnam and she did it from right here in America.
The link says a US citizen can sponsor their siblings as long as the sponsor is age 21+. Karl's lady has a sibling that is an American citizen.
The link also says a US citizen can sponsor their unmarried child over 21. Karl's lady, unmarried and over 21, has parents that are American citizens that can do so.
I'm not sure how you think they're breaking the law with those facts but immigration knows where she's living and if they want to deport her, they can do so. My guess is that she will be granted a green card and she will be legal here with or without Karl's help.
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Please read my last link. It clearly states US citizens can petition their relatives. Sons and daughters can be ANY age over 21. They don't have to leave America to do so. My mom sponsored her siblings and parents from Vietnam and she did it from right here in America.
The link says a US citizen can sponsor their siblings as long as the sponsor is age 21+. Karl's lady has a sibling that is an American citizen.
The link also says a US citizen can sponsor their unmarried child over 21. Karl's lady, unmarried and over 21, has parents that are American citizens that can do so.
I'm not sure how you think they're breaking the law with those facts but immigration knows where she's living and if they want to deport her, they can do so. My guess is that she will be granted a green card and she will be legal here with or without Karl's help.
Save your breath Billy. Nothing is going to change peoples preconceived notions, not experience or examples.
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Billy,
You are correct in that the parents can sponsor their daughter, however you are failing to read the priority system for those relatives. As ML pointed out, since the daughter is over 21 she does not fall into the unlimited category and must have obtain a priority date based upon the quotas that are issued. As ML indicated, this can take years to successfully immigrate. If she were under 21, she would fall into the unlimited category.
These links farther down in your reference explain the differences between limited and unlimited categories...
http://www.immihelp.com/greencard/familybasedimmigration/immediate-relatives-us-citizens.html
http://www.immihelp.com/greencard/familybasedimmigration/preference-categories.html
There are other methods for her to legally get a green card. Check these out for example. As I indicated earlier, there is a great deal of flexibility available to immigration authorities and as you can read, it is not cut and dried. No doubt these are categories that the immigration attorneys use to earn their fees.
http://www.immihelp.com/greencard/familybasedimmigration/extreme-hardship-waiver.html
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Instructions for I-485
Who Is Not Eligible to Adjust Status:
You are out of status . . . with exceptions for Immediate Relative of US Citizen (parent, spouse, widow, widower, or unmarried child under 21 years old).
= = = =
And, I already stated there are many loopholes, mainly related to humanitarian issues.
I was talking with driver taking me from airport to hotel once. He was from Pakistan. Said he had worked in house of US Ambassador, and when Ambassador went back to USA, he arranged for immigration of this man and his family to USA.
Ambassadors work for US Secretary of State, so I am sure there is power there to do something that doesn't fit the blocks.
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however you are failing to read the priority system for those relatives.
Karl isn't asking how long it'll take for his lady to get a green card. I'm not debating how long it takes either. Karl is wondering whether or not she's doing things legal or illegally and we at the forum need to give him peace of mind his lady isn't doing anything wrong and he can proceed with this relationship knowing he's not going to get used as a green card mule.
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Instructions for I-485
Who Is Not Eligible to Adjust Status:
You are out of status . . . with exceptions for Immediate Relative of US Citizen (parent, spouse, widow, widower, or unmarried child under 21 years old).
= = = = = =
I didn't go far enough apparently. The above persons are the only ones who can adjust their status while residing in the USA.
Yes, others can get a number and wait in line for possible immigration into USA . . . but this waiting in line is done OUTSIDE THE USA.
Karl's gal is not a parent of a legal age USA citizen, she is not the widow of a USA citizen, she is not the unmarried child under age 21 of a USA citizen.
The only way she can AOS while remaining in USA is to have a USA citizen spouse.
Yes, her USA citizen parent can sponsor her under the limited quota category for immigration into USA . . . WHILE SHE IS LIVING OUTSIDE USA. It will be a very long wait.
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The only way she can AOS while remaining in USA is to have a USA citizen spouse.
People can stay in America as long as the visa they entered here by says so and there are extensions and waivers out there to bypass the expiration dates.. I checked back Karl's posts and he said "She did mention that neither she nor the kids can leave the US until she gains said status, lest she not be readmitted, but she also said there's a waiver of some sort that will allow international travel while she's waiting on her green card. He also said she came here 2 years ago on a tourist visa and she is in no danger of being deported. That's believable. Our government rarely deports illegals, they definitely won't be wasting money deporting people that are family to US citizens and are pumping money into the system.
If by for some reason her visa is expired and/or extensions denied and living here illegally, the site below recommends people to stay in America while waiting for AOS. Visa expired or not, our government will eventually grant her the right to legally live in America.
http://www.alllaw.com/articles/nolo/us-immigration/visa-expires-leave-wait-for-green-card.html
"What If You Stay in the United States Illegally?
To further add to the confusion, there are a few categories of people who, if they manage to stay in the U.S. illegally without getting caught, can still apply for adjustment of status here. Many people have done this while either waiting to finish preparing their Adjustment of Status application or while waiting for a visa to become available to them (otherwise known as waiting for your Priority Date -- the date on which your visa petition was first filed -- to become current).
People who can apply to adjust status even after living in the U.S. without valid visa status include some who qualify under an old law called Section 245(i), as well as immediate relatives of U.S. citizens who entered the U.S. legally. In fact, if such people have already stayed in the U.S. unlawfully for several months, they're better off trying to stay around and adjust status rather than leaving the U.S. for consular processing, because it's only during consular processing that an immigrant can be penalized for an overstay by being prevented from returning to the U.S. for a period of years."
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Back to Karl's initial question on whether he would be okay if he marries her.
We know that this lady is probably into Karl from the fact that she moved closer to his place. We know that she wants to become his wife.
On another note, would she still be with Karl if he says that he will not marry her on whatever reason? He could work out explanations like possible issues of inheritance, previous bad experience, etc. Would she be willing to stay with Karl without becoming his wedded wife, or would she leave him in a hope to find someone who would be willing to marry her?
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Since I last posted in this thread, I talked to my wife and another FSU woman who is currently trying to bring her family to America. They both agreed that it's fastest to get their family a tourist visa and keep them in America to AOS than to send them back home and do it the normal way such as them getting citizenship and sponsoring them. The FSU woman said most people in the local FSU community know this. If my MIL want to live in America someday, if it's faster and cheaper to do it by way of tourist visa, I'd consider the method.
Would she be willing to stay with Karl without becoming his wedded wife, or would she leave him in a hope to find someone who would be willing to marry her?
Most FSU ladies I've dated locally said they would like to find a man to marry. They didn't need me to stay in America. I assume they don't want to be in a friends with benefits or short term relationship or they simply believe in marriage as the right thing to do if a man and woman is to live together forever. A man asking a woman to marry may signal he's willing to make the ultimate commitment for life which may not be the case when a man asks a woman to simply to live with him. Edited to add that lady with a child doesn't want to give her child a bad example of living with a man before marriage.