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Author Topic: Time for some Humor!!  (Read 473737 times)

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Online 2tallbill

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2325 on: October 02, 2015, 09:57:01 PM »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2326 on: October 02, 2015, 10:08:23 PM »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Offline Muzh

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2327 on: October 03, 2015, 09:59:15 AM »



I'll have to interject here.


The graph above seems to be the guiding principle of today's ad people as every other commercial men are depicted as bumbling idiots that are "rescued" by the savvy damsel next to the idiot. Maybe art imitating form?


Fire-retardant suit on!  ;) [size=78%] [/size]
To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead. Thomas Paine - The American Crisis 1776-1783

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2328 on: October 03, 2015, 01:52:46 PM »
Did you ever notice that men shake their fuel pump pistol when they are finished pumping
gas and women never do?

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2329 on: October 03, 2015, 02:08:30 PM »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2330 on: October 03, 2015, 02:11:01 PM »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2331 on: October 03, 2015, 02:13:52 PM »
The reason that in a disaster they evacuate women and children first.
That's so that they can try to think of a solution in silence

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2332 on: October 03, 2015, 02:19:02 PM »
It's called Cinderella drunk, when you make the walk of shame the next day
without shoes. Only prince charming knows where they went




FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2333 on: October 03, 2015, 03:40:01 PM »


It's not whether you win or lose,
it's whether you left any trace DNA
« Last Edit: October 03, 2015, 03:42:51 PM by 2tallbill »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2334 on: October 03, 2015, 03:40:46 PM »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2335 on: October 13, 2015, 09:12:59 AM »
​Square Testicles               

An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.  After much discussion an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'.  The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money . The elderly woman replied that she made bets.  The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?'

The elderly woman replied, 'Well, for instance, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.'  The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?'

'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.'
'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.'
'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.'  The elderly woman did so with a little smile.

Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied . . .

'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Royal Bank of Ireland.'
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline Anotherkiwi

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2336 on: October 13, 2015, 05:34:09 PM »
​Square Testicles               

An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning...

Lovely story...but "Royal" Bank of Ireland?  Wash your mouth out with soap!  :devil:

Offline Gator

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2337 on: October 13, 2015, 08:27:10 PM »
The month of October is baseball playoff season.  So for baseball fans: 

T-shirt worn by a Toronto fan: 

   ONE BJ IS BETTER THAN NINE YANKS

It's not funny if it has to be explained. 


Offline SANDRO43

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2338 on: October 14, 2015, 05:21:27 AM »
Lovely story...but "Royal" Bank of Ireland?  Wash your mouth out with soap!  :devil:
It seems there WAS a Royal Bank of Ireland, at least from 1836 to 1966 ;):

Quote
Allied Irish Banks Limited was formed in 1966 as a new company that acquired three Irish banks: Provincial Bank of Ireland, the Royal Bank of Ireland, and the Munster & Leinster Bank. The banks saw an alliance as the best way to overcome the fragmented nature of the Irish banking industry. Ireland in the mid-1960s was changing fast and the merger strengthened the banks’ position in the emerging global business era.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allied_Irish_Banks
Milan's "Duomo"

Offline Anotherkiwi

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2339 on: October 18, 2015, 04:15:31 PM »
It seems there WAS a Royal Bank of Ireland, at least from 1836 to 1966 ;):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allied_Irish_Banks

Oops!  :-[

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2340 on: November 17, 2015, 10:17:25 AM »
Für heiße Momente (German) = For Hot Moments

Watch for surprising ending.





A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2341 on: November 22, 2015, 08:53:55 PM »
A 'different' reason for some gun control ?

http://www.facebook.com/XplicitNationMedia/videos/897589420296422/
0:00/0:00
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2342 on: November 23, 2015, 11:19:39 AM »
A 'different' reason for some gun control ?

I say let'em buy guns and ammunition and let Darwin sort it out.
Maybe it's time to thin the herd?
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2343 on: November 27, 2015, 03:56:34 PM »


FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2344 on: November 27, 2015, 03:57:51 PM »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2345 on: November 27, 2015, 04:01:31 PM »
For the perpetually indecisive and shy.

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2346 on: November 27, 2015, 04:05:50 PM »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Offline tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2347 on: November 27, 2015, 06:04:03 PM »
A 'different' reason for some gun control ?

http://www.facebook.com/XplicitNationMedia/videos/897589420296422/
0:00/0:00

Gun control? Just give them all free guns, and then there will be less of them.
~There is no one more blind than those who refuse to see and none more deaf as those who will not listen~
~Think about the intelligence of the average person and then realize that half of the people are even more stupid than that~

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2348 on: November 29, 2015, 04:20:41 PM »
Very old jokes


'I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink and be Mary.'

My mother in law said: ‘When you’re dead, I’ll dance on your grave.’
I said: ‘Good. I’m being buried at sea.’

Hardy: 'Didn't you once tell me that you had an uncle?'
Laurel: 'Sure, I've got an uncle. Why?'
Oliver: 'Now we're getting somewhere. Is he living?'
Stanley: 'No. He fell through a trap door and broke his neck.'
Oliver: 'Was he building a house?'
Stanley: 'No, they were hanging him.'

'The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.'

'My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.'

'Do you know how many middle-aged men go out for a pint of milk and never come home? Not enough.'

'I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say 'Yeah? When?'

'A big girl came up to me after a show and said, "I think you’re fatist." I said, "No, no. I think you’re fattest."

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Offline jone

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2349 on: November 29, 2015, 04:33:03 PM »
One of my favorite holiday jokes:

A traveling sales man for Beechum's pills went to a small town determined to sell the population on his company's product line based on what they were already interested in.  He found out that they were all intent on completing a new church for the town. 

He cozied up to the pastor and said his company would like to provide the new hymnals for the church.  "They might have a small amount of acknowledgement to our company, but would be new hymnals and we would really like to do this."  The pastor agreed and the hymnals arrived in time for the Christmas eve service.  The pastor looked them over and saw none of the anticipated advertising.  He was happy and attributed the lack thereof to divine intervention.

Christmas eve service began with the singing of Hark the Herald Angels Sing: 

The congregation sang:

Hark the Herald Angels Sing
Beechum's Pills are Just the Thing
Peace on Earth and Mercy Mild
Two for Adults, One for Child.

Kissing girls is a goodness.  It beats the hell out of card games.  - Robert Heinlein

 

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