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Author Topic: Being a gentleman or a chump?  (Read 61807 times)

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Offline Gator

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Being a gentleman or a chump?
« Reply #75 on: April 15, 2019, 08:28:38 AM »
don’t believe in something for nothing
everything in nature operates according to an equilibrium
what you receive must always be balanced against what you give

I like your explanation.  But continue please.   

"Balance" inevitably becomes a matter of perception because most contributions to a relationship are intangible or non-quantifiable, and thus can not be measured.   Even tangible contributions have different measurement scales. 

Maybe the proper balance is for the man and woman simply try to do their best......and make time to have fun together....and appreciate and respect what the other brings to the relationship......and...and.....   

Offline Boethius

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Being a gentleman or a chump?
« Reply #76 on: April 15, 2019, 09:09:01 AM »
I think she probably saw an iPhone as a reasonable request because she has seen first hand, many men throw gifts at women on the first date.


No, I don't believe that.  She saw you as a mark.

Quote
I think some of these women see everything as transactional “I give you this, so now you give me that”. There is no concept of love, or caring, or anything emotional.... it’s about some version of trading sex for money.  I think it’s sad when people can’t see beyond this word view.


Men go to a poor country to exploit the women there, and the women see their experiences with them as transactional.  Go figure . . .

Quote
I can say that this foreign dating thing has been quite an experience. It’s not as easy as I thought, but it’s not as hard as I thought either. Time to pack my bags and go back to Chicago.


Personally, I think all you will find is exploiters if you focus on women in their twenties.  You need to find someone closer to your age - at least over 30.


Either that or she is just getting started and is testing the waters with BB. She wants to see how far she can go with her requests. She has already dropped the vacation in Europe hint.... :popcorn:


True.


This post was composed without the aid of google.

After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline Boethius

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Being a gentleman or a chump?
« Reply #77 on: April 15, 2019, 09:11:55 AM »
Well, isn't relationship and marriage all about fair trade?
You give me support - I give you my tenderness.
You improve my life by helping me to move to another country - I improve your life by cooking and cleaning for you, and making sure you have a fresh ironed shirt every morning.
You put that shelf on the wall - I iron your suit.
You give me bright shoulders to hide behind - I give you warm hands that hug you every evening when you return home from work.
I tell you you're the strongest - you tell me I'm the prettiest.


So what's wrong with all these transactions, as long as both sides are giving what they are expected to give - and receiving what they are expecting to receive?
 :popcorn:

So what  happens when someone offers one of the partners a better transaction?

This post was composed without the aid of google.
« Last Edit: April 15, 2019, 09:40:46 AM by Boethius »
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Online krimster2

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Being a gentleman or a chump?
« Reply #78 on: April 15, 2019, 09:14:51 AM »
HER perception of what YOU give
balanced by
YOUR perception of what SHE gives

for any system to be stable
all opposing forces must be balanced

part of what makes my job so darned easy
is that taking a poor village girl from Ukraine
and introducing her to an upper-class American life-style
does 90% of the work for me
her perception is that I provide it
when in reality my money provides it
what I ACTUALLY supply which she also recognizes
is being her protector, teacher, business partner, human sex toy, etc and also her best friend
she also recognizes the kind of father I am to our children as well
being together, being part of a family
something she never really had before she met me
we give each other that

« Last Edit: April 15, 2019, 09:23:40 AM by krimster2 »

Offline Olga_Mouse

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Being a gentleman or a chump?
« Reply #79 on: April 15, 2019, 10:39:13 AM »
So what  happens when someone offers one of the partners a better transaction?


I think one shall consider the whole set of "give and take" transactions, involved in every particular marriage.


And also keep in mind the time and energy 2 people invest into "fitting" each other.


So a single "better transaction" offered - even presuming one partner wasn't meeting the expectations of another - might not undermine the marriage; but if the two factor combine (a) one partner isn't anymore meeting the expectations of another, and b) there is a steady "better transaction" offer available) - I wouldn't be surprised that the marriage would become shaky...
"If I get through this job without completely losing my mind, it will be a miracle of Biblical proportions" [Commander Susan Ivanova, Earth Alliance space station Babylon 5]

Offline Olga_Mouse

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Being a gentleman or a chump?
« Reply #80 on: April 15, 2019, 10:40:58 AM »
HER perception of what YOU give
balanced by
YOUR perception of what SHE gives

for any system to be stable
all opposing forces must be balanced


Wow! Surprise, surprise! Krimster is capable of making logical conclusions?
 :popcorn:
"If I get through this job without completely losing my mind, it will be a miracle of Biblical proportions" [Commander Susan Ivanova, Earth Alliance space station Babylon 5]

Offline JayH

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Being a gentleman or a chump?
« Reply #81 on: April 15, 2019, 11:15:09 AM »

Wow! Surprise, surprise! Krimster is capable of making logical conclusions?
 :popcorn:

Yeah-- but you can bet he had his shoes off to figure it out ! :)
SLAVA UKRAYINI  ! HEROYAM SLAVA!!!!
Слава Украине! Слава героям слава!Слава Україні! Слава героям!
 translated as: Glory to Ukraine! Glory to the heroes!!!  is a Ukrainian greeting slogan being used now all over Ukraine to signify support for a free independent Ukraine

Offline Boethius

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Being a gentleman or a chump?
« Reply #82 on: April 15, 2019, 11:26:25 AM »

I think one shall consider the whole set of "give and take" transactions, involved in every particular marriage.


And also keep in mind the time and energy 2 people invest into "fitting" each other.


So a single "better transaction" offered - even presuming one partner wasn't meeting the expectations of another - might not undermine the marriage; but if the two factor combine (a) one partner isn't anymore meeting the expectations of another, and b) there is a steady "better transaction" offer available) - I wouldn't be surprised that the marriage would become shaky...


Hmm, well, I have never considered any part of my marriage "transactional", nor "give and take".  I am free to do as I wish, as is my better half.   I don't think I ever took time to "fit" to him, and he isn't one who bends, LOL, which is why he was able to survive living in the USSR as a representative of the wrong social class.


The only thing we do apart is, he fishes and I don't.  When we first married, I'd go with him and read, but don't anymore.  He does ask before he goes, but frankly, even if he didn't, it's all good.  If he's fishing in the city, I drive him, as he doesn't want to leave a car parked on the street leading down to the river - too much traffic, potential of it being hit.


This post was composed without the aid of google.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Online krimster2

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Being a gentleman or a chump?
« Reply #83 on: April 15, 2019, 12:27:09 PM »
"Yeah-- but you can bet he had his shoes off to figure it out

I removed my shoes to help snatch de feet from the jaws of victory

 


Offline Gator

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Being a gentleman or a chump?
« Reply #84 on: April 15, 2019, 01:46:13 PM »

I think one shall consider the whole set of "give and take" transactions, involved in every particular marriage.


"Give and take" happens every day in an enduring relationship.    IMO give and take transactions should be infrequent if you understand and respect each other. 

Giving and taking should come naturally and from the heart with out transacting.     

I guess I am having a problem with the word "transaction."  It was BB's term, not yours.  A "give and take" transaction seems like a business deal in which something is bartered.

There is nothing to be transacted in the system of my money is our money, and her money is her money.  ;D   

Quote
And also keep in mind the time and energy 2 people invest into "fitting" each other.

Again, maybe I am missing your point.   Fitting into each other is the goal.  If the result is fun and loving,  it  is well worth the investment of time and energy.   Yes?   


Quote
So a single "better transaction" offered - even presuming one partner wasn't meeting the expectations of another - might not undermine the marriage; but if the two factor combine (a) one partner isn't anymore meeting the expectations of another, and b) there is a steady "better transaction" offer available) - I wouldn't be surprised that the marriage would become shaky...

As I answered you earlier, some cases of not ever having married are self-explanatory.   

Olga, you are a valued contributor to RWD, and I am not trying to be flippant nor to offend you.  Discovering a seemingly better offer implies that the person was not committed to the relationship.   Psychologists will advise not to start a new relationship while still in an existing relationship, even a bad one.  Instead focus on reconciling the existing relationship. 

Offline BillyB

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« Reply #85 on: April 15, 2019, 02:32:02 PM »
I think some of these women see everything as transactional “I give you this, so now you give me that”. There is no concept of love, or caring, or anything emotional.... it’s about some version of trading sex for money.  I think it’s sad when people can’t see beyond this word view.


Taking care of someone's needs is a sign of love and care. Money to buy food and necessities is a need. Sex is a need. People can take care of each other's needs without it having to look like a transaction.

In nations where people suffer more and in hunter gather societies, men who can feed a woman and family are more desirable. What good is LOVE if a guy can't feed his family and put clothes on them?

You want a girl that values a strong man that can take care of himself and a family but you don't want a materialistic girl who'd open her legs for any guy that would buy her an iPhone. Good women wouldn't ask you for anything. An FSU woman here once said when a girl asks you for something, it's not about how much she likes you, it's about how much she hates you.

If you were a great find for a woman, the woman wouldn't insult you with requests that may make you run away.
Fund the audits, spread the word and educate people, write your politicians and other elected officials. Stay active in the fight to save our country. Over 220 generals and admirals say we are in a fight for our survival like no other time since 1776.

Offline brownbeard99

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« Reply #86 on: April 16, 2019, 06:15:06 AM »
Let me propose a hypothetical situation. A man marries a woman and she stays at home. She gives him all her love for years. She cooks for him, cleans for him, gives him sex in exchange for him providing for all her physical needs.

One day, the woman is in a bad car accident (her husband was driving) and she is paralyzed.  She is stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of her life.

She can no longer cook or clean for him. She can’t provide for him sexually the way she did before. As far as transactions go, she is pretty much worthless compared to what she was before.

By your transactional philosophy, this man should leave her on the street to die because she no longer provides transactional value. I disagree with this.

Okay, this isn’t hypothetical. It happened.

I want a family that sticks together regardless of the circumstances... not one that runs in the face of adversity. I want a wife who has the moral character to stand by my side when I am down. She benefits in the long run.  If you don’t have such character, that’s fine. It my choice.

The real hypocrisy I see out there (in general) is that I am criticized for having two marriages that ended, yet the same people believe you should not stay in a marriage if you aren’t getting the short term transactional value you want.

Call me naive... I still believe in love.

Online krimster2

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« Reply #87 on: April 16, 2019, 07:03:41 AM »
Belief is the state of mind in which a person thinks something to be TRUE, regardless of the evidence to prove it with factual certainty
only someone with an exaggerated self-importance would think that THEIR beliefs MUST be accepted by OTHERS
your ex-wives clearly disagreed with your beliefs
you still don't see that all of your "external" problems
are actually "internal" problems
and that's why you keep making the same mistakes over and over and over
« Last Edit: April 16, 2019, 07:07:31 AM by krimster2 »

Offline brownbeard99

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Being a gentleman or a chump?
« Reply #88 on: April 16, 2019, 07:46:33 AM »
Belief is the state of mind in which a person thinks something to be TRUE, regardless of the evidence to prove it with factual certainty
only someone with an exaggerated self-importance would think that THEIR beliefs MUST be accepted by OTHERS
your ex-wives clearly disagreed with your beliefs
you still don't see that all of your "external" problems
are actually "internal" problems
and that's why you keep making the same mistakes over and over and over

Your logic here is severely flawed, as it usually is. I will make one more feeble attempt to edify you.

If you read my post, you will see that this is the way I see the world. I make no attempt to tell anyone else that they need to view relationships in the same way. To the contrary. Other people are trying to tell me I am wrong for thinking this way. 

I will state again that I believe people are free to see relationships as purely transactional. That is their right.  I do not prescribe to this philosophy and will not try to change people to my point of view.  You can think what you want and I can think what I want.

And no, both ex wives do not disagree with me.  I just returned from Ukraine last night. My second wife picked me up from the airport and took me out to dinner. She said she was wrong and wants me back.  She wishes she never left.

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« Reply #89 on: April 16, 2019, 09:11:09 AM »
“I will make one more feeble attempt to edify you.”

indeed it is feeble...

“If you read my post, you will see that this is the way I see the world.”

I have acknowledged your view...
your expectation is for every woman to automatically comply with YOUR views and that it is unreasonable for a woman to have her own views
you feel this way because you have a fundamental disregard for others' feelings

“And no, both ex wives do not disagree with me.  I just returned from Ukraine last night. My second wife picked me up from the airport and took me out to dinner. She said she was wrong and wants me back.  She wishes she never left.”

they agree with you - yet they divorced you - what a contradiction
contradictions are incompatible with the truth
so it’s “a story"
every self description of yours automatically includes “a story” of how great you are
even your rebuttal is a sign of your sickness
your illness prevents you from seeing the TRUE you instead of the self-aggrandizing fiction you create

stop believing in your own bullshit
no one else does including your ex-wives and the poor girls you met in Ukraine
and me...


« Last Edit: April 16, 2019, 10:05:09 AM by krimster2 »

Offline brownbeard99

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« Reply #90 on: April 16, 2019, 10:06:08 AM »
“I will make one more feeble attempt to edify you.”

indeed it is feeble...

“If you read my post, you will see that this is the way I see the world.”

I have acknowledged your view...
your expectation is for every woman to automatically comply with YOUR views and that it is unreasonable for a woman to have her own views
you feel this way because you have a fundamental disregard for others' feelings

“And no, both ex wives do not disagree with me.  I just returned from Ukraine last night. My second wife picked me up from the airport and took me out to dinner. She said she was wrong and wants me back.  She wishes she never left.”

they agree with you - yet they divorced you - what a contradiction
contradictions are incompatible with the truth
so it’s “a story"
every self description of yours automatically includes “a story” of how great you are
even your rebuttal is a sign of your sickness
your illness prevents you from seeing the TRUE you instead of the self-aggrandizing fiction you create

stop believing in your own bullshit
no one else does including your ex-wives and the poor girls you met in Ukraine

Do you realize how many hours you have collectively spent on me with your nonsense?

I own you.

Offline ML

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« Reply #91 on: April 16, 2019, 10:14:20 AM »
Do you realize how many hours you have collectively spent on me with your nonsense?

I own you.

The real champion title of owning others here belongs to Trench.
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline brownbeard99

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« Reply #92 on: April 16, 2019, 10:16:58 AM »
The real champion title of owning others here belongs to Trench.

I will never achieve that level of notoriety.

I have to be realistic in my goals...

Online krimster2

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« Reply #93 on: April 16, 2019, 10:19:53 AM »
you only own yourself
don't worry about me
I have 3 monitors in front of me
while chatting here
I have also compiled 29,000 lines of hand written VHDL on one monitor
and finished editing the HTML for the online store for a scanner product I'm selling on another one
I think people call this multi-tasking
I'm buying a new PC this month because the newer ones will let me have 4 monitors




 

Offline brownbeard99

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« Reply #94 on: April 16, 2019, 10:24:55 AM »
you only own yourself
don't worry about me
I have 3 monitors in front of me
while chatting here
I have also compiled 29,000 lines of hand written VHDL on one monitor
and finished editing the HTML for the online store for a scanner product I'm selling on another one
I think people call this multi-tasking
I'm buying a new PC this month because the newer ones will let me have 4 monitors
Then you can dedicate a whole monitor just for me?

Dayum

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« Reply #95 on: April 16, 2019, 10:32:31 AM »
"then you can dedicate a whole monitor just for me?"


do you think you're that important?
rhetorical question since I already know the answer

Offline brownbeard99

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« Reply #96 on: April 16, 2019, 11:26:16 AM »
"then you can dedicate a whole monitor just for me?"


do you think you're that important?
rhetorical question since I already know the answer

I don’t think I am that important at all.

That’s why I don’t understand why you stalk me.

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« Reply #97 on: April 16, 2019, 11:34:18 AM »
"That’s why I don’t understand why you stalk me."

narcissist said what?

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« Reply #98 on: April 16, 2019, 11:45:14 AM »
"That’s why I don’t understand why you stalk me."

narcissist said what?
You aren’t?

Okay, let’s see if you can go a week without coming on one of my threads and posting your pointless drivel. You can’t do it. You are obsessed with me. You aren’t capable of leaving me alone. I’m sure you will provide some “legitimate” reason why you follow me around, but the truth is, you are obsessed with me and can’t leave me alone.

You are truly pathetic

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« Reply #99 on: April 16, 2019, 12:07:26 PM »
WOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
you got me
I can’t help but be obsessed with an amazing guy like yourself
whether it’s getting your MBA at Harvard while simultaneously working full-time as a top level executive at a pharmaceutical company or the incredible success you have in relationships
you’re just the most amazing guy ever!!!!  the GREATEST!!!
who wouldn’t be obsessed over that!!!!

but as for me, I don’t obey your orders, sorry...
will continue to do as I please
if you don’t want to hear things about yourself that don’t reinforce your bullshit
check out the ignore button, then you won’t hear it
« Last Edit: April 16, 2019, 12:11:43 PM by krimster2 »

 

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