I can't tell if my 2 month Russian romantic interest was a Prof. Dater?

[GQBlues]

2) When a woman likes to model clothes, jewelry, etc., and send pictures of such . . . they are telling you what they want you to buy for them, or send money for such.

OMG! I could never figure out why my wife used to send me pictures of Audis when she was still in Russia. No wonder....I just thought she was showing me they also have Audis in Russia.

 

[Boethius]

I think this, what you've said here, is more the point than anything. I think I'm a little bit butt-hurt that she basically said "Ok, Bye" and blocked me, with no explanation. So, I think my ego got a little tap on the nuts, but... at the end of the day... Prof Dater or not... she was a depressive type who seemed intensely frustrated with her job, her life, her city, her boss, her coworkers... and in the end... obvously with me. But... I didn't do anything (major) wrong.

And that's just how I'm going to look at it from now on. Ha ha ha...

Thanks @2tallbill

Look at it from her perspective.  She's 35 years old.  Practically dead in Russian terms, she will "die alone".  Of course if things aren't progressing, she isn't going to waste her time with you.


I think not asking you questions was probably a language issue.

[Patagonie]

I totally agree!

What do you mean exactly? Everyone uses that word "Judge" but I have never really understood it. We all judge... everything, and everyone. You read my post, and you passed a judgement. I read yours and did the same. When a woman sends me a photograph, if she looks lovely in the picture, I tell her, which is a judgement.

I will give you more precision, a judgment comes in a way you put her below and decrease her value in term of self esteem.

Do you mean, never criticize a woman? The reason I am asking you to clarify isn't because I disagree with you. I am totally willing to see where I have mistakes in my thinking. But... if a woman behaves in a way that I find disrespectful, rude, or confusing to me... how would any other man deal with that? Again... not suggesting I handled things well. I'm literally asking because I am open to learn.

This seems to be a very common theme on this forum, and it is very common on the dating websites. Almost every single woman on the FSU dating websites say at some point in their profile... "Do not waste my time, if you do not have the intention of visiting me."  This is something I can completely understand. I can also imagine that maybe as high as 50% of the men on those dating website are maybe just lonely men, who really like the idea of meeting a beautiful FSUW... but are either too shy, too poor, or too indecisive to make it happen.
Correct

On the other hand... The whole "Shut up and go. Stop talking and do it!" bit doesn't really feel right to me either, for many reasons. Russia has closed it's borders to everyone right now, just for starters.  Someone else on this forum suggested we meet in a neutral country. I like that idea a lot. However... maybe I am trying to do something that I do not have the means to do... but I cannot take a week off of work to go to Europe every time I start chatting with a pretty FSUW.  Don't get me wrong... I'm more than willing to make the trips... even if it takes 4-5 trips to meet several different ladies. I can afford the travel financially, but my position in my company does not allow me to just jet-set to Europe meeting FSUW like that. So I guess I don't have a "shut up and do it" attitude yet. If this girl (or any other girl) did really just blow me away... that might be different. But this girl has more blown me off, than away... and I'm brand new to this whole endeavor. So... I have to check my impulsivity at the gate these days, with my responsibilities.

You come along a cultural trait here, you pursue a woman, you cross that ladder, and there is a moment you buy your flight ticket. After a now show in September I was loosing points on my scorecard; then I asked her if she had no personal plan for the next weekend and the day before my flight I Sent her the copy on flight on whatsapp. i met her in full quarantine time in KIEV;

When I was dating my ex wife, for her birthday, I waited to be in Kiev, called her from Boryspol to tell baby we will sleep together tonight. Her mom almost got an attack, the whole family was in fire all the rest of the day knowing it was a question of hours before your coming. THAT's real, that's not blabla. [
I think this is a very valid assessment. I definitely thought she seemed self-centered. But... I am very interested in what you think about the rest of what you said. For example, what do you mean by "have to lead an upper game?" In my mind, this cuts to the center of so many relationship problems in the west. I have the feeling that everyone in the West, and maybe even the whole world, for all I know... has a "self-importance" problem. There seems to only be extremes. I find women who either think of themselves as absolute dolls, and a gift from heaven for any man lucky enough to "win them," or... I find women who hate themselves and wonder why anyone would even want to be with them. And weirdly enough... the "fashion model" types, are usually more in the second camp, not the first. So my question, I suppose is... what is a man to do? If you meet a woman who you think is beautiful, fun, smart, energetic, and all that... but... you can kind of tell she is self-centered, and she doesn't really ask you about yourself or how you are doing. Do you just, recognize that as a character flaw and get away from her? Do you just accept that this is one aspect of a whole human, and you make the agreement with yourself that you understand this about her, and it's okay? Or do you bring it up, and try to discuss it and "work on it" together, with the assumption that there is most certainly something about you that she would like to address as well?
You pull out, and after you push out. She is silent, you used to answer each hour every two hours, you send your message after four hours. She is still flaky, you wait now 8 hours before sending your next message. They are working like elastic and always try to figure out if you pull it at the right moment.It's too early to make a definitive conclusion about the fact that she doesn't address you a lot of question because IMHO you are in the middle of the ladders and not reach the next level of connection. Or as you have already talked about yourself, she owns a lot information.


I'm not so sure I understand what you mean here. I met her on RussianCupid.com. I play the guitar, and have a photograph of myself playing it in one of my profile pics. She wrote to me (first, if that is what you mean) and we talked about me playing the guitar. Since she wrote to me first, I was a little skeptical that she might be fake. So... after 1-2 days of chatting on that website, I asked her to send me a photo of herself where she's making the thumbs up sign with her hand and I can see her face. We laughed about it, and she said she'd do it, but only if I do it too. So I gave her my WhatsApp number so that she could send me that photo. She sent me a video instead, where she made the thumbs up sign, and made a joke about how she is trying to steal all my money, my cat, my car, and my furniture. (It was cute). So... that is how we started talking off that website. What does that matter?that's ok, she has enough humour to manage this, good, not all women manage like this. Scammer problem is huge and the can use a variety of tricks, but that's not the case.

[2tallbill]

I've read everybody's comments, and I think all of you are really great for taking the time to give me some feedback. I have an interesting update, and then I also have a few things I'd like to add and ask.

Thanks for the input everyone! This forum is an excellent resource.

D007,

You are the only one who knows everything, I only know what you write here.
I doubt that she is a prodater or trying to scam you. I only commented the way
I did because she did the disappearing thing.

You gotta go with your gut. You've talked to her, you are the one who made her
laugh and you are the one who will make it work or decide to move on.

I try to give generic advice that other newbies reading this thread can use as well
as yourself. If you are still interested in her, then by all means pursue her.

I think Patagonie was referring to the way you were trying to figure out if she was
real with the last name misunderstanding. A Russian woman would think that you
are insinuating that she was trying to lie or pull something over on you. You made
a connection with her and you set everything back a hundred miles.

Pat also in my opinion was trying to read the tea leaves using his experience in making
educated guesses as to what might have gone wrong.

Scammers and prodaters won't spend time with you chatting and such things. Pat is
French and his English is very good but it's not as nuanced as mine for explaining
things. Your lady and yourself will have many misunderstandings because of language
as well. Her joking about getting your house, car and goldfish or whatever is pretty
funny and cool. She gets a gold star and a smiley from me with that.

Udachi!

Bill