Is it usual for Ukrainian Women to be inaffectionate when starting relationship?

[southernX]

trenchcoat
having read some of your posts , my thoughts are ''YOU '' need to make a decision here , be the guy who makes adecison one way or the other ,

as it stands you angst is going to cause you to make a bad decision here

bite the bullet and go visit her in her home city etc ,quickly , dont wait too long , get it done and see how it pans out

or let her go now and walk away ......


at present you dragging yourself and her hopes into something that your not sure of and are forecasting all sorts of shite that has not happeend yet !!!! 

get to it and make a decison asap one way or the other imo , dont string this girl along , communicate with her about her desires for a future , and explain yours , be thoughtfull on how you do this , dont over explain it , &listen carefully to her when you do

if she is a good girl that still does not mean she is the right woman for you to marry , only you can decide that , her affection may well come when she is sure you are the right guy , however it may never come if you continue to give off the insecure male vibe that we are picking up on here

when i was engaged to my now wife i happily sent money to her for her and her familys survival as she advised me her job was being cut , and she would only recieve half a salary , but still would be working a full week , + an extra 2 hours aday travel as the factory was moving to the other side of the city , making her travel to work much longer .. her mum and son depended on her alone to pay everything ,
so she had no choice then but to accept the crap deal she had , she did not ask me to help , but i knew it was my place to do so no matter what once i had made the commitment to her and my new family

that situation went on for about 6  months until she quit altogether to prepare to come to australia , during this time her mum died , so again i helped organise & pay for her mums funeral with her

you need to make a decision here with what you know , committ or walk away & do it because you are prepared to live with the decision you have made either way , not based on guilt or some white knight theory hoping it the relationship will improve

because once you buy in with marriage,'' YOU ''should then accept any issues that affect her family as a part of you , exactly the same as she would
SX

[dragonkid]

And I keep trying to find a reason why you continue with her;  there is no sane reason.

Trench from reading your messages this is what i came up with, correct me if i misinterpreted anything

-she deleted her account
-during your trip she hasn't asked you for money
- she has no idea about what you can provide

If she wanted money she would be with a bald, old, fat guy licking his palm and manipulating him. She wouldn't waste her time with you for money. I don't think there is no scam. She would have a wide variety of guys, check if she is on fdating/russiancupid/ukrainedate if not, she is truly into you.

But there is also no guarantee she actually likes you deeply even after meeting you. Maybe it is your lack of game, and seduction. Only way is to go there and bang her...... 

If you meet her the second time, and things go further, i would recommend you to send her some money, if it is no skin off your nose. Some people would say not to, but in your situation it sounds like she is not using you for money. Just do the check on ukrainedate/russiancupid/fdating/mamba just to make 100% Some people will tell you that they never had to etc, neither have i, but if i really liked the girl i would. I would just make sure she really wants me and not just a guy to send her some money.

[mies]

Trenchcoat, here is my take on what's going on there.

I'll write about Ukraine, similar logic applies to Russia or Belarus.

1) Forget anything your read/heard other guys (from the West) said or wrote in response to this new development. For a moment.
2) Now, with a clear mind, consider this:
2.1. Many women who married WM have shared on various online fora the following "We agreed before marriage that I will be sending money home to support my parents. This was a necessary condition for me moving abroad." I've read MANY stories on this topic. (translating for you: the woman is probing you whether you are a husband material).
2.2. There were no housewives in USSR. You clearly did no basic background reading about culture there. Women in USSR worked in a same manner as men. Any Soviet citizen, regardless of gender, had to work. There were legal sanctions (criminal responsibility, punishable by imprisonment; or in some cases by compulsory treatment in a mental institution) for those who refused to work or did not work for longer than 4 months = "tuneyadcy" - http://www.calend.ru/event/5152/. (translating for you: the girl's mother is getting at least as high of a pension as the dad, and possibly higher).
2.3. Very few people receive minimum pension in FSU. Usually those are either people who had minimal salary, or the people lost their "employment record", or there were substantial gaps in their employment history. The minimal pension is not $53, it is closer to $70, with the current exchange rate. Used to be substantially more than that before Russia decided to invade Ukraine. (translating for you: their life is not that bleak as your imagination had it painted.)

2.3. Her parents own a place they live at. Depending on how big the place is, their pensions probably are just enough to pay utilities and "condo fee". Any income starting at $150/mo/person is an OK pension a person can survive on in Ukraine if they do not have medical bills and own the place they are living at. (translating for you: her parents will need a monthly support of at least $200 in order for their daughter to be fairly relaxed and happy living abroad knowing that her parents are taken care of. She wouldn't be able to give them more than that even if she took second job in Ukraine.)
2.4. If they get sick, medical treatment will cost extra and might get expensive, but basic surgeries in the hospital not in the capital would be somewhere in the ballpark of $1'000 (the surgery itself, tips to the nurses, medications, etc.) If the person has some serious health issue (cancer, stroke-->immobilization, heart conditions that require a surgery, broken bones with long hospitalization) - medical bills will be much higher, still cheaper than in the West.
2.5. Even though not high % of people receive minimal pension, but in a country with 45+ mln population even a small % is a high number of people. And they are managing to survive, without foreign-son-in-laws. (translating for you: do not worry. It will be OK, they will manage fine.)


To sum up:
- the girl is checking whether you fit the role of the husband.
- she wants to negotiate now, before going any further, that you will allow her to send money to her parents. Or potentially will contribute while you are already married before she starts earning money herself.
- in any case, this luxury should not cost you more than $200/mo, (and pray that they remain in a good health for a while).

What should you do? Tell her something along the lines:
"You can help from your salary once you start working as much as you consider appropriate, I understand that they are your parents. Once you marry me and move to UK, until you start working, say, for 1 year, I am willing to send your parents $200/mo. They will become my family too." I am sure this is what she wants to hear, you will put her mind at peace. She wants to see if you are serious about marriage, and whether you will treat her parents as family, whether you understand that she is not abandoning them.


Try this, and see what her reaction will be.
I may be wrong. Or I may be right. I think I am right in my prognosis 

 

Huh, well a situation has occurred since my last post update and if I wasn't already feeling in a strange place on all of this it has got stranger. She wrote to me a few days back and turns out her father has decided to retire, now theoretically he is already past retirement and and receiving a state pension but due to the pension being so low (averaging out to $53.78 a month) it pretty impossible to live off it seems.

The upshot is that as the girl I met is their only offspring and soon to be only one with a full time job she will have to support them. The mother I assume is in the traditional role of housewife, may or may not be getting any pension and no doubt has not work for some time so I'm guessing unlikely to find work so no doubt not an option. So, if this isn't bad enough it appears the girl I met is going to have to get a second job! as otherwise life could get pretty meager. Even with this there is probably only weekends to work, maybe evening depending on what if any work turns up.

Needless to say she will not only have not much free time anymore, she will also be tied to the situation there supporting them plus working a pretty draconian regime which sounds awful. I feel bad for her as we met and she seems like a lovely girl. The scenario I think looks bleak atm I guessing her parents are about mid 60's, the men can claim state pension in the Ukraine at 60, women 55. So, while it sounds terrible if they live another 20 years then no doubt she will have to support them all this time & she will be 50 by the time she gets off the hook. That just what I'm envisaging anyway. Maybe they might not go that long, or maybe they might and get ill health problems making matters even worse.

In any case even 10 years would start getting iffy in terms of having a family. Plus it means there is little chance of seeing her once he retires so forming a relationship, etc doesn't look good. She's not the type of girl I would want to walk away from I would feel so bad. Yet the window for a further meet up is closing, once her father retires in a few moths time, if that, that's it as far as seeing her pretty much. No doubt she could still get holiday off but she will no doubt be knackered, plus shes still got to support them.

Now my thoughts initially were is this a scam and waited for the follow up letter asking for money, but she didn't at least not so far. I'm now thinking that she probably won't (I know I can be overly paranoid on scam stuff) like I said she seems genuine and tells it straight I feel. The other thought was, is this a way of letting me down gently, possibly again and no doubt maybe some girls may do that. I'm thinking though that she is telling it like it is, the ages/situation could well tie up, the retirement pension/old age situation is true enough and as far as I know/she tells me she is an only child.

I don't know if her father is giving up retiring for ill health or because he felt he had enough of working. My thoughts are that he has noticed his daughter's dating activities/suspects of them and has possibly retired to avoid being stuck working until he drops. If his daughter goes of with someone, particularly a foreigner who is not local then likelihood is he cannot retire and is stuck working till he drops. If he dumps his daughter with the responsibilities now of supporting them through old age then she cannot date a foreigner, it will not happen.

For me, sending money out off marriage is not a possibility (see stipend thread) I don't think it is good for the relationship and I would always have the feeling I was being scammed/taken advantage off. In any case I would not see it as a long term solution. That and I haven't visited where she lives so really so not know enough about her plus the affection issue and closeness. The only other way I can think of would be a marriage then she could work over here send money back. Again though, I do not know her well enough for this, not having visited where she lives and the affection issue. I could visit once more perhaps before her father retires but I would be unsure if enough ground could be covered to make marriage a possibility, if she would be affectionate enough, she seemed to be warming to me a little. Sex too for me unlike DK  I would really see as a prerequisite before a marriage so I knew a girl was not just taking me for a ride and was into me enough to do it with me. So its really an issue for me of what to do?

Apologies for the long post.

[dragonkid]

Just to add, the draw back of sending her money prior to marriage is the investment.  You may feel bad if the relationship falls apart, and rather than aborting it, you stick it out. Don't count on her working, i talked with my ex, and she wasn't interested in the type of work that was suitable for a foreign girl like herself. From working in a bank to working in a cafe, puts some people off. We talked and decided she would probably be a stay at home wife, do some minor modelling gigs (5'11), she liked the idea of doing some personal training. Don't count on your wife bringing in more than $500 a month from doing jobs she find interesting.

some guys on here can vouch (as they have told me) that once a fsu woman starts working hardcore, your sexless marriage begins  Not worth it in my opinion.

[mies]

Trenchcoat, sorry, I totally missed the Mariupol part.

This is Mariupol on January 24th, 2015, shelled by Russian multiple rocket launchers GRAD (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BM-21_Grad):






31 individuals were killed on that day, 108+ injured.

Your girlfriend lived through thouse events. She saw news on TV with images of dead people and blood pools on the streets of her town, and she probably saw the buildings destroyed by shelling. This already is enough for her to be a little more cautious and more reserved, and perhaps even less affectionate for some time, until she feels safe. I've heard of many stories when kids from these areas shut down emotionally and stop talking all together. Adults are dealing better but they are affected by those events, too.

This is map of Russian invasion into Ukraine as of May 1, 2016 (2 days ago):


Brown color - Russia. Cream-pinkish color - Ukrainian territory invaded and controlled by Russia. Everything else to the left is Ukrainian territory under Ukrainian control.
If you can look at the bottom of that map, where three ships are, the town with Ukrainian flag in it is Mariupol. It is dangerously close to the frontline, so called "neutral zone" as per Minsk agreements.

Russia already tried to capture Mariupol in 2015. It is very possible that will try to do it again.

I think the girl is marriage-minded. She isn't interested in financial aspect, but she is interested in the safety issue, must be. My bet would be: she wants to leave Mariupol, and this is probably what her parents want for her too.
Her parents wouldn't want to go living abroad, so there is no risk for you in that. But. If the frontline advances to Mariupol, and if the town will be shelled and bombed again, if by then you will be married, you (as a family, together with you wife) will need to help her parents to relocate to a safer area in Ukraine and support them there. It will be more expensive than $200/mo. If they move to a smaller town in the Western Ukraine, and will be renting a place, you probably will be looking at least at $400-500/mo (total for both of them) for a very modest living. If they both were pensioners by now, I'd advise them to relocate ASAP. Or at least go living somewhere safe until matters settle down. But they do not have funds for that, plus one of them still works and cannot abandon her work, for many reasons (I can give more details on that).

This is how GRAD looks in action:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=cRbDY9EOekI

You girl was a target for that. Ask yourself whether living through such experience might affect your affection level and emotional state.

[mies]

bite the bullet and go visit her in her home city etc ,quickly , dont wait too long , get it done and see how it pans out

I am a Ukrainian, and I wouldn't go to Mariupol now, nor anywhere near it. Terrorist attacks (planted explosives) are very possible, shelling is possible, being abducted by separatists - not very likely but still possible, being targeted by Russian subversive groups - possible as well.

Trenchcoat, I would rent 2 apartments in Kyiv, pay for the girl and her parents' tickets to come visit Kyiv, call it a small "vacation" for them, buy grocery and fill the fridge in the apartment where they'd be staying, buy tickets to Kyiv Opera, some concerts. Do not go to expensive restaurants, there are many inexpensive and very charming cafes in Kyiv. Meet her parents and the girl in a place where all of you will feel safe and be relatively safe.

Odessa is closer to Mariupol than Kyiv, but May is a bad month for Odessa because of Russians. Now is not a good time to go there.

Dniepropetrovsk may be second option after Kyiv, and shorter trip for them. But Kyiv is more interesting and generally more pleasant.

[dragonkid]

Trench , whatever your disposable income is, deduct $1500 from that each month. Are you okay with that? If so do as mies say, if not, run as fast as you can.

[Trenchcoat]

Trenchcoat, here is my take on what's going on there.

I'll write about Ukraine, similar logic applies to Russia or Belarus.

To sum up:
- the girl is checking whether you fit the role of the husband.
- she wants to negotiate now, before going any further, that you will allow her to send money to her parents. Or potentially will contribute while you are already married before she starts earning money herself.
- in any case, this luxury should not cost you more than $200/mo, (and pray that they remain in a good health for a while).

What should you do? Tell her something along the lines:
"You can help from your salary once you start working as much as you consider appropriate, I understand that they are your parents. Once you marry me and move to UK, until you start working, say, for 1 year, I am willing to send your parents $200/mo. They will become my family too." I am sure this is what she wants to hear, you will put her mind at peace. She wants to see if you are serious about marriage, and whether you will treat her parents as family, whether you understand that she is not abandoning them.


Try this, and see what her reaction will be.
I may be wrong. Or I may be right. I think I am right in my prognosis 

Ah, I see, well appreciate the input here, its good to bear this in mind. Will have to see how it goes in correspondence and take it from there. $200, your forgetting the $140 they will already be getting in state pension so just $60 a month or perhaps a bit more depending upon their situation. Either way, it is not a sum that would bother me if I were paying as a monetary value if it were $200 or so or if she paid if she were here with a part time job I would see no reason not to do that. So if that is her hang up its not big deal to me if a more committed relationship was on the cards, but perhaps that is still down the road a bit at this stage.

[lyndontom]

But there is also no guarantee she actually likes you deeply even after meeting you. Maybe it is your lack of game, and seduction. Only way is to go there and bang her...... 

Is that the strategy you'll adopt when you find your Virgin?

[Trenchcoat]

Trenchcoat, sorry, I totally missed the Mariupol part.

This is Mariupol on January 24th, 2015, shelled by Russian multiple rocket launchers GRAD (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BM-21_Grad):


31 individuals were killed on that day, 108+ injured.

Your girlfriend lived through those events. She saw news on TV with images of dead people and blood pools on the streets of her town, and she probably saw the buildings destroyed by shelling. This already is enough for her to be a little more cautious and more reserved, and perhaps even less affectionate for some time, until she feels safe. I've heard of many stories when kids from these areas shut down emotionally and stop talking all together. Adults are dealing better but they are affected by those events, too.

If you can look at the bottom of that map, where three ships are, the town with Ukrainian flag in it is Mariupol. It is dangerously close to the frontline, so called "neutral zone" as per Minsk agreements.

Russia already tried to capture Mariupol in 2015. It is very possible that will try to do it again.

I think the girl is marriage-minded. She isn't interested in financial aspect, but she is interested in the safety issue, must be. My bet would be: she wants to leave Mariupol, and this is probably what her parents want for her too.
Her parents wouldn't want to go living abroad, so there is no risk for you in that. But. If the frontline advances to Mariupol, and if the town will be shelled and bombed again, if by then you will be married, you (as a family, together with you wife) will need to help her parents to relocate to a safer area in Ukraine and support them there. It will be more expensive than $200/mo. If they move to a smaller town in the Western Ukraine, and will be renting a place, you probably will be looking at least at $400-500/mo (total for both of them) for a very modest living. If they both were pensioners by now, I'd advise them to relocate ASAP. Or at least go living somewhere safe until matters settle down. But they do not have funds for that, plus one of them still works and cannot abandon her work, for many reasons (I can give more details on that).

You girl was a target for that. Ask yourself whether living through such experience might affect your affection level and emotional state.

This is very disturbing, particularly the second U-tube video, its terrible seeing those people lying on the ground with their lives lost. I guess I didn't really realize that had happened there. Do you think the Russians are building up to move in? I googled and saw there have apparently been some small scale skirmishes in the outlying villages & towns. I guess she may be getting worried, I think most of us would be after seeing that. I feel bad about it if she is in a situation there, I would not like her subjected to that, I guess it could very well affect her emotional state like you say. I think I'll have to enquire further and see what she's thinking. I find often women say something but mean another, making it difficult as I'm never sure when interpretation is necessary or miss it completely. I would of course treat her parents as family in a marriage or near as situation and support as necessary.

 

[Trenchcoat]

I am a Ukrainian, and I wouldn't go to Mariupol now, nor anywhere near it. Terrorist attacks (planted explosives) are very possible, shelling is possible, being abducted by separatists - not very likely but still possible, being targeted by Russian subversive groups - possible as well.

Trenchcoat, I would rent 2 apartments in Kyiv, pay for the girl and her parents' tickets to come visit Kyiv, call it a small "vacation" for them, buy grocery and fill the fridge in the apartment where they'd be staying, buy tickets to Kyiv Opera, some concerts. Do not go to expensive restaurants, there are many inexpensive and very charming cafes in Kyiv. Meet her parents and the girl in a place where all of you will feel safe and be relatively safe.

Odessa is closer to Mariupol than Kyiv, but May is a bad month for Odessa because of Russians. Now is not a good time to go there.

Dniepropetrovsk may be second option after Kyiv, and shorter trip for them. But Kyiv is more interesting and generally more pleasant.

Afraid that boat has sailed I suggested in my last correspondence about meeting up in Odessa, not in May but in June, maybe it will be better then? I just really wanted a more relaxed setting by the sea, sea breezes, beach, getting away from the hustle and bustle a bit. See what she says I guess. Been to Kiev so would prefer an alternative.

Thanks for the warning on Mariupol  , your probably right in suggesting to avoid it, in any case its a long journey for me after the plane journey. Meeting here parents as well like that would be safer I guess, not sure its a long term solution for them as no telling when or if the Russians may invade.

[Trenchcoat]

Trench , whatever your disposable income is, deduct $1500 from that each month. Are you okay with that? If so do as mies say, if not, run as fast as you can.

Mies has just said its $400-500 direction, which seems about right from being there, $1500 seems a bit steep, lol whatever the scenario.

[Nightwish]

listening and taking daragonkids advice on anything is like asking a toddler building a space-shuttle and be happy with the result and shoot for the stars.

all that comes out is complete jiberish and he has absolutely zero experience or knowledge of the things he is "advising".
Watching him giving relationship advice in regards to relations with a FSU woman is like watching a train accident happening.. you want to look away....but

On topic.
I have a friend living in Mariupol, its "constant" fire going on around the town, once in a while in town. She hear everything but wont call it unsafe (maybe not to worry me), but on the other hand she is living it, so she is a little shell chocked (aka getting used to it I think)
 
But she do not recommend meeting someone there for the reasons mies named, The place is what you would call unstable, and I think its only a matter of time before another attempt to take over the town is made.. may it be today - tomorrow or next year.. but I think its coming. Putin wants a land-bridge to Crimea ...

[mies]

Ah, I see, well appreciate the input here, its good to bear this in mind. Will have to see how it goes in correspondence and take it from there. $200, your forgetting the $140 they will already be getting in state pension so just $60 a month or perhaps a bit more depending upon their situation. Either way, it is not a sum that would bother me if I were paying as a monetary value if it were $200 or so or if she paid if she were here with a part time job I would see no reason not to do that. So if that is her hang up its not big deal to me if a more committed relationship was on the cards, but perhaps that is still down the road a bit at this stage.

No, I actually mean $200/mo on top for what they are earning with their pensions. The math is the following: their joint pensions at the very minimum will be about $130-140. Their "condo fee" (tied to the size of the property) and their electricity/water/gas bills will all add up to roughly $100+ (depending on how big the apartment is). They also need to buy food and basic supplies. This is what the $200/mo will be used for. This is modest but livable.
I understand that this is something people have in a committed relationship. But I think it's OK to discuss the possible future even before you are in a committed relationship. She wants to hear from you what you think about this. Maybe she expects more substantial help and will decide to date someone else. Maybe she will think that you are kind and generous and responsible and just the guy she always were hoping to meet.
The best strategy is to be honest and specific. Tell her that:
- you do not mind that she will help from her income
- you do not mind to help them, for the amount of up to $200/mo, for a limited period of time (up to 1 year). After that it's her responsibility.
- if any force majeur circumstances occur (war, sickness/hospitalization), you will do you best in helping them within the limits of your budget, since they will be you family too.
- your parents will be treated by both you and your wife in a same manner. (and you may appreciate this later on, if your parents will need assistance and care and your wife will offer/provide it to them). 

[dragonkid]

Mies has just said its $400-500 direction, which seems about right from being there, $1500 seems a bit steep, lol whatever the scenario.

What mies didn;'t account that you have to pay for your wife whilst she is in UK. Add living expenses of $500 a month, going out, clothes,food, and travel. Extra $500 is just if anything goes wrong, i have to pay £5k this month for things i didn't expect to happen, every month something pops up, that is life. Anyways, it sounds like you are shy to talk to her about your situation, she may think she will have a nice receptionist job in the UK. Mies suggested telling her she has a year, it will never work lol, you don't need to tell her anything, if she doesn't get a job, don't act like you will drop her, because you won't, and she knows that.

[Trenchcoat]

I have a friend living in Mariupol, its "constant" fire going on around the town, once in a while in town. She hear everything but wont call it unsafe (maybe not to worry me), but on the other hand she is living it, so she is a little shell chocked (aka getting used to it I think)
 
But she do not recommend meeting someone there for the reasons mies named, The place is what you would call unstable, and I think its only a matter of time before another attempt to take over the town is made.. may it be today - tomorrow or next year.. but I think its coming. Putin wants a land-bridge to Crimea ...

You mean gunfire? Does anyone get hit? Think you could be right, they may make another attempt, all the way to the Crimea is quite a distance though, could be pushing beyond the Russian area perhaps so no real mandate but I guess that wouldn't stop him.

[GuppyCaptain]

Trench , whatever your disposable income is, deduct $1500 from that each month. Are you okay with that? If so do as mies say, if not, run as fast as you can.

And this is based off of what, your experience?

[mies]

Afraid that boat has sailed I suggested in my last correspondence about meeting up in Odessa, not in May but in June, maybe it will be better then? I just really wanted a more relaxed setting by the sea, sea breezes, beach, getting away from the hustle and bustle a bit. See what she says I guess. Been to Kiev so would prefer an alternative.

Thanks for the warning on Mariupol  , your probably right in suggesting to avoid it, in any case its a long journey for me after the plane journey. Meeting here parents as well like that would be safer I guess, not sure its a long term solution for them as no telling when or if the Russians may invade.

You are welcome. There is regularly updated statistics somewhere online on frequency of actual and prevented terroristic attacks, and Odessa is somewhere at the top of the list. If I find the link I'll share it here, but it's in Ukrainian.

May is a bad month for visiting Odessa for the following reason(s). Russia had little interest in Donetsk and Lugansk, its goals were/are: Dniepropetrovsk, Kharkov, and Odessa. Dniepropetrovsk and Kharkov - because there are many defense R&D and industrial facilities, producing parts for long-range missile systems, including for nuclear long-range missiles currently used by Russia. Basically, Russia cannot attack USA or any other "far land" without the parts produced in Ukraine. The maintenance on Russian long-range missile systems until recently was performed by Ukrainian scientists from those two cities (Kharkov and Dniepropetrovsk). Odessa also has some strategic defense facilities, and it is a major high-capacity sea port, recently they either built or were planning to build a large oil refinery with Chinese financing. China was also interested in Odessa and some of its facilities through a long-term 50year lease.
Back in 2014 Russia annexed Crimea in early March, and tried to act fast through subversive groups and agents to overturn Ukrainian administrations in Kharkov, Odessa, Dniepropetrovsk, Donetsk and Lugansk. They had some success in Luhansk and Donetsk (cities were fully invaded later, in mid-late summer of 2014).
Dniepropetrovsk is controlled by a Jewish oligarch Kolomoyskyi, who isn't Russia's ally. People say that all "separatists" and Russian spies in Dniepropetrovsk were captured, questioned, and buried quietly in the forests by the "unknown Ukrainian activists".
Kharkov had a big group of Russia-sponsored, Russia-friendly and anti-Ukrainian fight-club neo-nazi organization "Oplot" (http://uk.wikipedia.org/wiki/%D0%9E%D0%BF%D0%BB%D0%BE%D1%82_%28%D0%B1%D1%96%D0%B9%D1%86%D1%96%D0%B2%D1%81%D1%8C%D0%BA%D0%B8%D0%B9_%D0%BA%D0%BB%D1%83%D0%B1%29) formed by a mix of retired police and criminals, with tight ties to a Russian FSB and Russian neo-nazi organizations. City mayor, also Jewish, but unlike Kolomoysky, teaming up with Russia, tried to vote for "federalization"... there were clashes between peaceful pro-Ukrainian demonstrations and armed "civilians" backed by police, there were casualties and few pro-Ukrainian protesters were severely injured/disabled, I think 1 or 2 died or were killed. Then few more things happened, some of the local pro-Russian leaders fled to Russia, the mayor was shot (not clear if it was a real attack or self-arranged) and went for a treatment to Israel, where he was hiding for a while, and when he returned he said he is pro-Ukrainian and not a separatists and now tries to stay under the radar.

In Odessa things got messy (detailed story: http://dumskaya.net/news/_7377-037031/ (chronological list of events),  http://www.svoboda.org/content/article/27708905.html and some photos http://peaceinukraine.livejournal.com/1378282.html).
On May 2, 2014 there was a soccer game, were planned 2 demonstrations:  pro-Ukrainian soccer fans, pro-Russian. Pro-Russian had weapons and started shooting at the unarmed pro-Ukrainian demonstration. Local head of police Fuchedzhy created "corridors" to make those two crowds meet. Then part of the pro-Russian/separatist demonstration were told by somebody (likely, police) to go to the building of professional unions. then someone barricaded the doors. There were people at the roof:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLxSZ1ZG-JA&feature=youtu.be&t=49

It is unclear who was at the roof, most likely Russians or police. The investigation is still ongoing. People from the roof started throwing Molotov's cocktails at the crowd and shooting at the crowd. Crowd started throwing Molotov's cocktails back at the building. The building burnt, with people inside. 31 people died from burns or suffocations, 8 more died when they tried to jump off the building because someone barricaded the doors from inside and blocked all exits. Few managed to get out and were unharmed by the crowd. 
It was somewhat similar to what happened in Kyiv in the building of professional unions on Khreshatyk. The difference is that in Kyiv riot police mercilessly killed and burned the wounded people in the make-shift hospital in the building of professional unions. In Odessa the "conflict" was orchestrated by Russia and pro-Russian Ukrainian officials, such as head of the local Odessa police Fuchedzhy. Fuzhedzhy himself fled to Russia when Ukrainian security service opened investigation of the incident.
Communist party is also strong in Odessa (now, if I remember correctly, the party is banned in Ukraine).  This is why May is a very bad month to be in Odessa. Plus, May 9th was an official WWII Victory day in USSR and still is in FSU. There are ALWAYS provocations on this day, even prior to 2014, in the following areas: Crimea, Odessa, Kharkov, Lviv. Now security in Lviv is very tight. In Odessa it is more difficult to ensure complete security. This is a city with very high risk of terrorism. 

If you want a relaxing place, maybe you will find these places relaxing and pleasant:
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synevyr
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shatsky_ozera
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yaremche

Lviv is also a good place.

It will be a good retreat for them, plus they might use it as a "scouting trip" to see whether they like the place and decide whether they would want to move there if things get bad in Mariupol. All of those locations are substantially cheaper than Odessa. I haven't been to the lakes but everyone who went there loves them. I was many times in Yaremche, the service is excellent there. There are many small private hotels, all-wood houses, there is a crafts market (http://www.nezabarom.ua/img/objects/aaf5171ed0.jpg ), beautiful nature, mountains, very peaceful, many hiking options, the river. You can also buy this absolutely gorgeous hand-made Karpathian wool blanket for about $30:


Many people from Eastern Ukraine moved to Western Ukraine, including to Lviv and to Karpaty region, because life is fairly cheap and comfortable there.

[GuppyCaptain]

My lady is in Chuguyev which is just outside of Kharkiv and very close to the Russian border. It has a military airfield on the outskirts of town so I worry about it being a target. The next time I visit I need to have a chat with her about what to do and what she'd want to do in case any Russians that are simply on holiday there decide to try to take over Chuguyev or Kharkiv or both.

I'm leaving on Sunday and arriving in Kharkiv by air on Monday (Victory Day).

[mies]

P.S. you can also visit/stay in Uman' and visit Sofiyivka.
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arboretum_Sofiyivka
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uman
No sea breezes, but a nice historic location, and one of key locations in the history of Hasidic Judaism - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosh_Hashana_kibbutz


Kamyanets-Podilskyiv is another historic small provincial town with famous castle, and may be a potential "relocation place" for her parents: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kamianets-Podilskyi
Cost of living is low, area is pleasant/clean air, there is a river, climate is ok. In those days any place with infrastructure (roads, hospitals, railroad, etc.) but a bit at a distance from "key cities" is a good location.

[mies]

My lady is in Chuguyev which is just outside of Kharkiv and very close to the Russian border. It has a military airfield on the outskirts of town so I worry about it being a target. The next time I visit I need to have a chat with her about what to do and what she'd want to do in case any Russians that are simply on holiday there decide to try to take over Chuguyev or Kharkiv or both.

I'm leaving on Sunday and arriving in Kharkiv by air on Monday (Victory Day).

Have a nice and safe trip. and best wishes to your lady and her family.

[GuppyCaptain]

Spasibo mies.

[alex330]

May is a bad month for visiting Odessa for the following reason(s).

Add to that - "The Odessa Network" or exit port for the largest weapons smuggling operations with people like Boris Kogan operate out of Odessa. There is also a biological weapons facility in Odessa. Second wealthiest city in Ukraine, numerous Russian criminals with their investments, etc,

The LNG terminal plans for the port are once again in place with US investment I believe.

I am told there are altercations and bombings in Odessa that are not shown in Western media. Hard to say whether true or not from where I am many times, but Jay sent me a link the other day and the Azov Battalion has moved into the city in anticipation of new events.

[Slumba]

If you are visiting Uman, you should be aware of what times the ultra-Orthodox Jews will visit.  I am told that up to 100K Jews per year, make a visit to the grave of the famous Rebbe Nachman (like a rabbi, but more respected and considered a great scholar/teacher).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uman#Pilgrimage_to_Rebbe_Nachman.27s_grave

Probably things will be a little crowded at that time of year...

[cc3]

My lady is in Chuguyev which is just outside of Kharkiv and very close to the Russian border. It has a military airfield on the outskirts of town so I worry about it being a target. The next time I visit I need to have a chat with her about what to do and what she'd want to do in case any Russians that are simply on holiday there decide to try to take over Chuguyev or Kharkiv or both.

I'm leaving on Sunday and arriving in Kharkiv by air on Monday (Victory Day).

Aloha, FLUF () driver, my lady is an internally displaced person from an eastern border city, Luhansk. When hybrid warfare activity began there, she and her daughter got out (June 2014) and relocated, with me, to the calm and peaceful Lviv. She's eternally grateful and happy not to be in the violent chaos of the 'liberated' "Lugansk People's Republic", subjected to such garbage moskal propaganda as this link:

http://02varvara.wordpress.com/tag/lnr/

Would you and your lady consider relocating westward in Ukraine? Lviv is fantastic!