What is a strong man?

[2tallbill]

Many RW say they want a strong man.

Guys please notice that I am asking RW what they think. Feel free to add whatever you want
but don't beat up the ladies who respond to this.

This is what I believe a Strong man is.

1. Honest: About everything
2. Trust worthy: You can rely on him
3. Strong convictions: He believes in certain things and doesn't waiver
4. He can make a decision: and live with it
5. If he makes a mistake he will accept the results, not make phony excuses or place blame on others and not repeat it.
6. He doesn't accept lies or deceit or tolerate it in others
7. He is kind but expects the same in return.
8. He doesn't blame others for his faults
9. He protects his lady
10. Confident
11. Able to support his family in a proper manner
I would like to know what RW consider a strong man to be.


Please not that I edited this after reading several following posts including JBs

[Turboguy]

Sometimes what people want and what they say they want are two different things.   I think your list is quite good and well thought out however:

I wonder what will happen with 3 if she believes other things cause she isn't going to waver either.   

I hope he knows with 4 not to make that decision until she has made it first and then to make sure his decision is in agreement with hers. 

[Lily]

One AM did 9 shots on the subject 

Well, in the non-physical terms you apparently did not leave us any space 

[Daveman]

One AM did 9 shots on the subject 

Well, in the non-physical terms you apparently did not leave us any space 

Perhaps you could have plenty of space to write about how these characteristics would apply in relationships, or other characteristics which could compare/contrast a domineering man with a gentleman from an FSU lady's perspective. It could be very interesting. 

Dave

[2tallbill]

One AM did 9 shots on the subject 

Well, in the non-physical terms you apparently did not leave us any space 

Lilia, I don't understand what you are trying to say. (Merry Christmas)

Bill

[2tallbill]

Sometimes what people want and what they say they want are two different things.   I think your list is quite good and well thought out however:

I wonder what will happen with 3 if she believes other things cause she isn't going to waver either.   

I hope he knows with 4 not to make that decision until she has made it first and then to make sure his decision is in agreement with hers. 

Turbo, I am not sure what you are trying to say (Merry Christmas by the way)
I am not opposed to a strong woman either. But honesty, trust worthy, ability to make a decision etc.

Do these things not make a strong man?

Obviously a man has to listen to his wife, but what does an RW consider to be a strong man to be?

Take care,

Bill

[2tallbill]

OK, I will add another one. Confidence

[jb]

2Tall,

All good points, and they reflect upon the notion of good character, I think these are traits any woman seeks in a man.  However, when a Russian woman says she wants a "strong" man to create a family with, she may be referring to the size of his paycheck.  Does he have the resources available to support her and any kidlets that she already has or any that happen along the way?  To a RW, "strong" often means "stable".  Being the pragmatic women that they are, they know that stability is tied to money.   From what little I know about Russian families, and Russian family breakups, the root problem is generally lack of money.  Too many RWs have had to work 2 and 3 jobs, often they have to neglect the children, and sometimes even demean them self, i.e., put up with sexual harassment in the work place, etc., in order to feed and house the family.   A man who cannot adequately support his family is viewed as a weak man and not worthy of respect.

Of the several long term successful Russian marriages and families I personally know, those husbands have the usual failings that most men suffer from and would not score so high on your 9 point list.  However, their families are well supported, the wife and child have nice clothes, the flat is well furnished, no one is hungry, the kids are educated in good schools with private tutors if needed.  This is a family life in which the woman can take pride.  She is respected by her friends and sometimes envied by her less fortunate sisters.

I could be wrong, if I am there are enough RWs on the board to tell me so,,, but I think this is one of those cultural things we in the welfare west sometimes get confused about.

Just another 2 cents.

[2tallbill]

2Tall,

All good points, and they reflect upon the notion of good character, I think these are traits any woman seeks in a man.  However, when a Russian woman says she wants a "strong" man to create a family with, she may be referring to the size of his paycheck.  Does he have the resources available to support her and any kidlets that she already has or any that happen along the way?  To a RW, "strong" often means "stable".  Being the pragmatic women that they are, they know that stability is tied to money.   From what little I know about Russian families, and Russian family breakups, the root problem is generally lack of money.  Too many RWs have had to work 2 and 3 jobs, often they have to neglect the children, and sometimes even demean them self, i.e., put up with sexual harassment in the work place, etc., in order to feed and house the family.   A man who cannot adequately support his family is viewed as a weak man and not worthy of respect.

Of the several long term successful Russian marriages and families I personally know, those husbands have the usual failings that most men suffer from and would not score so high on your 9 point list.  However, their families are well supported, the wife and child have nice clothes, the flat is well furnished, no one is hungry, the kids are educated in good schools with private tutors if needed.  This is a family life in which the woman can take pride.  She is respected by her friends and sometimes envied by her less fortunate sisters.

I could be wrong, if I am there are enough RWs on the board to tell me so,,, but I think this is one of those cultural things we in the welfare west sometimes get confused about.

Just another 2 cents.

Ok so I should add able to support his family in the proper manner.

I can still edit my post and I will.

So those who read this later will note that I added confidence and ability to support his family in a proper manner.
Based on JBs post.

[2tallbill]

Perhaps you could have plenty of space to write about how these characteristics would apply in relationships, or other characteristics which could compare/contrast a domineering man with a gentleman from an FSU lady's perspective. It could be very interesting. 

Dave

Dave, I personally don't think that a domineering man is a strong man. Actually I think he is weak and
afraid. I think that you and RW would agree.

I also think that the traits that I posted (after additions JBs and others) would be considered as a "good" strong man where
domineering would be characterized as a weak man.

I would like RW to post what they think

Bill

[Lily]

Lilia, I don't understand what you are trying to say. (Merry Christmas)

Bill

Sorry I should have been more clear  I mean you wrote more points on the subject than I could ever suggest 

[Daveman]

Dave, I personally don't think that a domineering man is a strong man. Actually I think he is weak and
afraid. I think that you and RW would agree.

I also think that the traits that I posted (after additions JBs and others) would be considered as a "good" strong man where
domineering would be characterized as a weak man.

I would like RW to post what they think

Bill

Bill,
Yes, of course I agree with you.  Didn't mean to come across as insinuating that THOSE traits would make a man domineering.  I thought maybe Lily and the other ladies could expand on these point from a relationship perspective.. how these traits we thing of as gentlemanly would compare/contrast with a man who is simply domineering.

And as jb mentions, financial stability is extremely important for a feeling of emotional security.  There is a big difference between gold digging and the natural and absolute NEED of a woman to feel secure.

Dave

[Lily]

 I thought maybe Lily and the other ladies could expand on these point from a relationship perspective.. how these traits we thing of as gentlemanly would compare/contrast with a man who is simply domineering.
 

Afraid I would not make an accurate perspective on expanding those points, as every relationship is very particular. I tried to hypothetically fantazise, but failed. sorry. May be other ladies have a better imagination?

I am glad that Bill could answer the question himself, and pretty exhaustively 

[SANDRO43]

Should I develop a Strong Man Scorecard similar to the Scam Card ? Should it also include tyre-changing and trailer-reversing as in Maxxum's MAN QUIZ ?

[Taz]

I think most women in general want a particular type of man. It is a very simple phrase but can be quite complex in meaning. Women want a man the can be PROUD of. Generally women want a man to be a man.

Think of it this way, a man needs to be the shelter for the family and protect his family from the stress, bad weather, problems, etc. of the world while the woman wants to provide the home coziness that makes this place a comfortable one to live. So this means you should be strong in the face of adversity. Strong enough to provide a good shelter for your family. Don't be stupid. Once a RW loses respect for you the relationship is over! It is finished but you just don't know it yet.

There is the old Russian say; "The man is the head of the family but the woman is the neck!" With respect to being decisive I've learned something about Russian women and being involved with them. With a Russian woman you can choose to be either right OR be happy but you can't be/have both. Choose carefuly.

Merry Christmas to all!

[Blues Fairy]

For me a definite sign of strength would be a person's flexibility in conflict resolution - having no fear of appearing weak when making concessions, or taking the responsibility even if belongs elsewhere.

[BillyB]

I've gotten the impression from some insincere women who also want a strong man is that they do not care how a man obtains the status of being a "strong man". A man could be a strong man through corruption to obtain his finances and power. A man can be clever and strong by scamming others is actually admired by some RW, especially if the money scammed is taking care of her needs and keeping her in style. With the "haves" and "have nots" in this World, women prefer the "haves" and stong men usually have something to offer. You could be the nicest and most honest man in the world but you are not an attractive mate for a woman if you have nothing to support a family.

[jj]

I think 2tallbill has describes some good attributes.  I would just throw in my two cents and say that a man is seen as strong if he is responsible and a "can do" type of guy and also shows his wife affection, and reminds her how pretty and desirable she is  to him , and he enjoys giving her pleasure.

[2tallbill]

For me a definite sign of strength would be a person's flexibility in conflict resolution - having no fear of appearing weak when making concessions, or taking the responsibility even if belongs elsewhere.

Interesting point I think, let me see if I understand it.

Lets say I have a disagreement with an RW and again lets say she argues herself into
a box (in a not logical way), where they have no where to go. She would quite likely see this
and I give her a way out, where she doesn't have to say she is wrong. I would then appear strong
because I did this?

Let me know if I am on the right track or it's something totally different.

Take care,

Bill


ZhelAyu tebe schaslIvovo RozhdestvA!

[jb]

I wouldn't go in that direction if I were you, Bill.

[Blues Fairy]

Lets say I have a disagreement with an RW and again lets say she argues herself into
a box (in a not logical way), where they have no where to go. She would quite likely see this
and I give her a way out, where she doesn't have to say she is wrong. I would then appear strong
because I did this?

Let me know if I am on the right track or it's something totally different.

Quite right.

I may also add another sign of strength is the man's ability and willingness to deal with his own psychological issues before they start affecting the relationship, - not burdening his woman with them.  A strong man does not whine.

[Taz]

I would caution you to not over analyze here. Each women is unique though there will of course be common themes. If you find a woman who wants to keep up with the Ivans at all costs, you need to pass right away.

Unfortunately I do see a lot of husband comparing taking place here in the US amongst RW. My wife (currently ex) didn't get caught up in it. We had nothing to prove and she knew we lived pretty well. My experience has been that if you get caught up in it, someone is always then trying to bring you down somehow. Usually they will snipe at your relationship. My ex was smart enough to know this and I was totally aware of how difficult the RW that played this game could be.

[acrzybear]

Quite right.

I may also add another sign of strength is the man's ability and willingness to deal with his own psychological issues before they start affecting the relationship, - not burdening his woman with them.  A strong man does not whine.

 sort of

 

This shows one of the BIG differences in attitude between AW and RW.  An AW will tell you she wants to hear how your day went and get mad when you don't want to talk about it and "share" your feelings, A RW is not concerned as long as the man takes care of his responsibilities to the family and is not an alcoholic. 

  As a Police Officer the are things I see on a daily basis that I do not want to talk about and it used to irritate the hell out of me when the issue would be pushed.

Blues Fairy

Do you have a sister that might be interested in a big 6'5"  goofy American?  (jk)

[Lily]

  This shows one of the BIG differences in attitude between AW and RW.  An AW will tell you she wants to hear how your day went and get mad when you don't want to talk about it and "share" your feelings, A RW is not concerned as long as the man takes care of his responsibilities to the family and is not an alcoholic. 
 

IMHO, I would disagree with this attitute of a 'typical' RW...Everyone perceives the life is what people used to see around themselves. Women are not an exception.Would you believe me as a RW if I tell you that i never came across a RM who is an alcoholic? 

[I/O]

Would you believe me as a RW if I tell you that i never came across a RM who is an alcoholic? 

Actually yes. I've never met a RM whom I would consider had a drinking problem, much less an alcoholic.  Frankly I am not convinced about any of the above mentioned regarding a "Man's" strength or otherwise, but one thing I do know is that a really strong man will NEVER tell you about his strength.

I/O