Time for some Humor!!

[ML]

Wish I could do it.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/eSKCi9ml4ME

[calmissile]

Wish I could do it.http://www.youtube.com/embed/eSKCi9ml4ME

You can.  All it takes is a few lessons and a compaitible partner.   Dancing is a great physical activity for couples to share in.  Second best to the 'other' physical activity.     

[calmissile]

What Aisle is the Polish Sausage in?

A customer asked, "In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?"

The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?"

The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something.

If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?

Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"

The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."

The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Polish?"

The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot."

[Lily]

 

 

[Faux Pas]

 

 

 

[calmissile]

.

[Lily]

Spring in Russia 

"Russian Spring"

Writing on the snow "Get a d**k instead of summer. Santa"


Caption: "The frost paints in Russia can be severe"


On the left: "My usual walking route"
On the right: "My usual walking route in spring"


"It's spring..Think of yourself as of Mario"


"Thanks God I have my shovel..oh shoot, it is in the trunk!"
 
 

[calmissile]

British Cell Phone Humor     

http://www.youtube.com/embed/vhnLk3TJWFY?rel=0

[ML]

Nancy Pelosi use of drugs

[ML]

British Cell Phone Humor     

http://www.youtube.com/embed/vhnLk3TJWFY?rel=0

Doug, you mislabeled this; where is the cell phone humor?

[calmissile]

Sorry, I must have pasted the wrong link.  Try this one.    LOL

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=Jreqe8rTy3Y

[calmissile]

Very funny!

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=Jreqe8rTy3Y

[Lily]

[Lily]

 

 

 
Are you afraid of sleeping alone? Get a kitten!

[calmissile]

Lily,
I love your sense of humor.       

[mendeleyev]

Jacob, Age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Miami, are all excited
 about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss
 the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they
 go in.
  Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:  "Are you the owner?"
  The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
  Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
  Pharmacist: "Of course, we do."
  Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
  Pharmacist: "All kinds."
  Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
  Pharmacist: "Definitely."
  Jacob: "How about suppositories?"
  Pharmacist: "You bet!"
  Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"
  Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The Works."
  Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for
 Parkinson's disease?"
 Pharmacist: "Absolutely."Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"
 Pharmacist: "We sure do."
 Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"
 Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
 Jacob: "Adult diapers?"
 Pharmacist: "Sure."
 Jacob: "We'd like to use this store for our Bridal Registry."

[ML]

http://www.m2film.dk/fleggaard/trailer2.swf

[ML]

http://clipnation.com/ultimate-golf-fail-compilation/

[ML]

It is well understood that many (most) (all) men here are so old they have probably forgotten what a lot of things look like, or even what to do with many things.

So just a small reminder regarding the looks issue; the what to do with it . . . I can't remember.

[LAman]

It is well understood that many (most) (all) men here are so old they have probably forgotten what a lot of things look like, or even what to do with many things.

So just a small reminder regarding the looks issue.

How can anyone forget what a  pussy(cat) looks like?? 

[Lily]

It is well understood that many (most) (all) men here are so old they have probably forgotten what a lot of things look like, or even what to do with many things.

So just a small reminder regarding the looks issue; the what to do with it . . . I can't remember.

One good thing that we can do it is waxing    but how on earth do you wax this cutest creature?? 

[ML]

One good thing that we can do it is waxing    but how on earth do you wax this cutest creature?? 

Lily, didn't you put the smily signs in wrong places ??

Also, I need to look up an old joke about washing a cat.
Maybe someone else  can remember it  already.

[calmissile]

Lily, didn't you put the smily signs in wrong places ??

Very funny ML.  Took me a minute to figure it out.     

[ML]

Didn't find the cat joke I was looking for.  But came across this listing of top 100 Stand Up Comics.  Can't argue much about the top 10, although I would have put Bob Newhart in there and I never heard of Bill Hicks.

However, from a 'modern' perspective, I would move up Jerry Seinfeld,
Denis Leary, and Garry Shandling.

Just off the top of my head, I would say Rodney Dangerfield and Woody Allen are the most quoted.  Some real classics from both:  Take my wife . . . please.  Sex is like the card game bridge; if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

1. Richard Pryor    2. George Carlin    3. Bill Hicks    4. Bill Cosby    5. Lenny Bruce    6. Woody Allen    7. Steve Martin    8. Don Rickles    9. Jonathan Winters  10. Rodney Dangerfield  11. Sam Kinison  12. Stephen Wright  13. Robin Williams  14. Andy Kaufman  15. Eddie Murphy  16. Redd Foxx  17. Chris Rock  18. Eddie Izzard  19. Billy Connolly  20. Jerry Lewis  21. Jerry Seinfeld  22. Steve Coogan  23. Ricky Gervais  24. Lewis Black  25. Emo Phillips  26. David Cross  27. Richard Belzer  28. Joan Rivers  29. Mitch Hedberg  30. Denis Leary  31. Dave Chappelle  32. Peter Kay  33. Patton Oswalt  34. Jon Stewart  35. Brian Regan  36. Jeff Foxworthy  37. Zach Galifinakis  38. Sarah Silverman  39. Bob Hope  40. Louis C.K.  41. George Burns  42. Richard Jeni  43. Doug Stanhope  44. Albert Brooks  45. Bob Newhart  46. Phyllis Diller  47. Bill Bailey  48. Bill Maher  49. Brian Posehn  50. Eugene Mirman  51. Adam Sandler  52. Doug Benson  53. Harland Williams  54. Bobcat Goldthwait  55. Dave Attell  56. Demetri Martin  57. Janeane Garofalo  58. Greg Giraldo  59. Victor Borge  60. Mike Birbiglia  61. Arj Barker  62. Jim Breuer  63. Stephen Lynch  64. Paul F. Tompkins  65. Jim Gaffigan  66. Jim Norton  67. Maria Bamford  68. Bob Saget  69. Jimmy Carr  70. Dylan Moran  71. Tim Allen  72. Ellen Degeneres  73. Jay Mohr  74. Larry David  75. Freddie Prinze  76. Bill Dwyer  77. Jackie Mason  78. Lily Tomlin  79. Gregg "Neil Hamburger" Turkington  80. Christopher Titus  81. Ed Byrne  82. Garry Shandling  83. Stewart Lee  84. Mort Sahl  85. Flip Wilson  86. Tim Vine  87. Colin Quinn  88. Daniel Kitson  89. Judah Friedlander  90. Martin Lawrence  91. Dom Irerra  92. Lee Evans  93. Carlos Alazraqui  94. John Mulaney  95. Joe Rogan  96. Dick Gregory  97. Margaret Cho  98. Howie Mandel  99. Dara Ó Briain  100. Bill Burr

[Larry1]

I would have moved Eddie Murphy into the top ten.  I think he's funnier than George Carlin, who is ranked two on that list.