Is this a scammer?

[RussianWomenOnly]

Hello Everyone. 

I am a new comer for RWD and use online international dating in general.  By reading some posts on this great website, I was told to look for love/girlfriend on certain sites and Fdating.com is where I decided to create a profile.  I searched and found about 100 woman that I was interested in.  One in particular actually responded to my texts/messages.  We've met for 10 days now and already, I've chatted with her on Fdating.com, I even video chatted with her on Viber.  She's in Moldova and her viber number starts with +373 which is legitimately Moldova.  She's very beautiful and I've reversed image search some of the photos she send me through viber and nothing comes up.  I even got a starter membership with SocialCatFish.com, I used TINEYE, and nothing comes up. 

The only thing that I am worried about is she said she will only have a time frame of 2 months.  Within that 2 months or whatever, she wants me to visit her.  She keeps telling me I'm handsome and what not and I'm just average looking.  I'm Asian, I'm not rich but I do have a stable job.  She knows all this.  Another red flag that I see is that she will send me short videos like 15 seconds but she never refer or address me by my name.  Today, I asked if I can call/video chat with her, she said sure if she has time.  Today is Saturday so she shouldn't have no work.  She sent me a few pictures.  She said she's in Taxi, she did send me a selfie of her in side a car, the dashboard of what it does looks like a Taxi. She then sent me pictures of her holding hands with her son and her mother as they are on a walk.  The pictures she sent has a clear picture of what she was wearing. I wanted to call her/video chat so I can see her clothes.  However, she refused saying that she doesn't talk on the taxi and that she is spending time with her son and mother.  I can kind of understand that because I'm just a guy she just met 10 days ago online. 

Throughout our conversations, I kept saying we should start with friendship, courtship, then relationship. She was not opened to that as she said she will only give me 2 months and that I have to visit her soon after.  She has not asked for money (Not yet) or saying anything that would say she is in financial need of anything sort. 

What I am afraid of is that who I am talking to is not really her but that if I chat with her, it is her but she might be in collaboration with someone.  When i chat with "her", it's not really her and that when I do video chat with her is her but that she's in collaboration with someone, which is why she refused to video chat with me and that she will not video chat with  me unless her collaborator meets her up and give her the phone to chat with me.  Here's 2 pictures of her, can anyone identify her and let me know if she's a scammer? 

Side Note:  She is very nice and I think she's the one for someone like me.  I just want her to be real like not a scammer, will not leave me as soon she gets a greencard/US citizenship.  Please help me someone. 

[krimster2]

WHY would you entrust your future to a woman who WON'T EVEN CHAT with you?
if she's leading you "down the garden path" NOW just starting out
whadda ya think will happen later?

but...
I know, ya want a WHITE CHICK, right?
I feel ya 'bro
felt the same

but if you're planning on hunting in a dangerous jungle, you better learn WTF you're doing
or you'll be paying for her and her kid, for a long, long time
jungle rules
in Soviet Russia women hunt YOU!

if I were you, I'd stop messaging her
and when she asks WHY?
tell her, you'll start again, but ONLY AFER you chat
and say this is, "to be sure she's serious"
if she says NO or makes excuses, then you have your answer, what more do you need to move on
BTW, asian guys would have MUCH better luck with the babes from kazakstan or Uzbeckistan
you WOULDN'T have to have a woman with kids!!
just sayin' holmes...


Part Dva

If you’re gonna try and have a relationship with a Russian woman
you need to understand a few things from a MAN’S perspective

YOU are the captain, and not her
you set the terms of the voyage, and not her

you are offering her and her child a life raft, in an increasingly perilous sea…

don’t underestimate the gift that you can bestow upon them
however humble

you set the terms, scammers, or wimmin suffering from “cognitive dissonance” (can’t make up mind)
will show themselves in one way or another by erecting obstacles to ANY choice except for WHAT THEY WANT!

If they’re one of these types, then doing this will break their grip over you
and let’s face it, Mr Puppy Love
part of the problem IS YOU….

Please google “co-dependency syndrome”
and make yourself face this demon
because the HOPE of realizing your DREAM has blinded you to the REALITY, and you’re like a man clinging to a life raft

learn to swim, brother

Now, the elephant in the room is “race”
due to the hundreds of years of being sold into the Mongol Slave Market at Bachassari, Crimea
Slavs (slaves!) have the same kinda feeling towards asians, as blacks have for whites
there,s even the Soviet equivalent to the US Western movies, made during Stalin’s time
where the blond Russian hero, fights with Fu-Man-Chu to rescue the beautiful slavic girl
these more rascist than any movie I’ve seen in the USA

just sayin

every body wants a ying to their yang
I get it…
but, just understand, in the FSU, being Asian means the wind is blowing against you and not with you, like it would if you were a tall, handsome blue eyed devil with light colored hair

[Davo]

⬆️..... This is bad advice for FSU dating in the online era and even more so for the free dating sites, which 95% of male profiles are time wasting keyboard Romeos.

I’ve had a lot of recent experience on fdating..... There are no red flags atm. On face value you’ve met a serious woman, who’s encountered a lot of keyboard romeos, which as I said is typical on fading especially.

First you’re only 10 days in and you’re still in the trust building stage..... She’s done everything she knows she needs to do to show she’s genuine :- Given you her contact details and video chatted.... She would have spent half an hour or more doing her hair, makeup and chose an outfit for your video chat..... I can’t count the woman who have deferred video chatting until she’s “prepared” her self.... This routine might not change until she’s met you in real life.

In my experience early on, women with children will wait until their child is in bed or out of the house so she’s not interrupted during your chat..... Also she won’t want her child seeing her chat with multiple men in their presence, well the respectful, caring mothers at least. 

You might think “Well she could send me a picture in the taxi..... why can’t she video chat?”, like preparing for a video chat she probably took 10 pictures before taking the one she sent and she’s definitely not going to have a private video chat in public this early on and not in the back of a taxi.

She’s not mentioning your name in her short videos, because she’s probably chatting with 10 - 20 other men and sending them the same videos.... When she trusts you and she sees you as a potential partner, they will get more personal.

She can spend years talking to hundreds of keyboard Romeos and never have one visit her,  so of course she’ll try to lock you down to meet in two months time..... She’s working out if you’re just going to waste her valuable time and cull you if you aren’t serious.

You’ve made a fundamental mistake saying you want to be friends first..... It’s a lesson I learnt on my first day on the site when I was told “I’m here to find my 2 half, not to make friends” then I was ghosted.

You can address her 2 month requirement by stating you’re a serious man with serious intentions and once you’ve got to know each other better, you can decide together when the time is right to meet...... Don’t leave it too long though..... On this point, this isn’t a cheap exercise. The best I can make out from listening to others is you’ll need between 20-50k US by the time she is happily settled in your home, not counting weddings etc.... I know some men who have spent over 100k!!.....If you don’t have a good disposable income or savings you’re  willing to dip into, then I wouldn’t waste your time or hers.

Keep doing exactly what you have been.....Your goal now is to build trust, mutual chemistry, and start subtlety flirting in a tasteful manner..... Most importantly make her laugh often!!

[RussianWomenOnly]

Both very opposite type of answers.  I wish with all my heart that this girl is real.  We just texted each other for 2 hours later today after I made the post.  She was very responsive but no video call.  It was very late for her.  We started texting about 11:45PM her local time.  I asked her flat out whether she is talking to other men. I don't really care if she is because I think she's very pretty and I'm sure there are a lot of other people she's talking to.  She just seemed very determined to date first before friendship.  She tells me this is Russian culture.  I told her friendship first, strong foundation, and build upon that.  Again, she disagrees. 

Thanks DAVO for telling me about how much it would cost.  Right now, I don't have that type of money saved up.  I am trying though.  I would like to visit her in 5 months time maybe around Christmas/New Year time.  But first I want to make sure she isn't a scammer. 

Anything else I can do that I haven't done to test her? 

Thanks

[Davo]

The difference in answers is because I’ve chatted with literally a 100 women on fdating and other sites over the past several years and the other poster hasn’t had any experience online...... In that time I’ve deliberately spent time chatting with 50+ scammers on multiple sites for the learning experience. This woman isn’t showing any scammer red flags atm..... She’s doing everything right so far that I’d expect a genuine woman to do...... You don’t need to do any tests, a scammer always shows their hand.

[krimster2]

"right now, I don't have that type of money saved up.  I am trying though."

dewd, NO...
"that type of money"

whatcha talkin 'bout Willis!!!
that type of money???
AND she has a kid, are you serious?

love costs a lot to buy, my friend
and your case it's gonna be MUCH cheaper for you to rent
go to a strip bar in Kyiv, you can get a girl all night for $500!!!
she'll be 20ish, about an 8 to an 8+
in the old days these number were higher
the strip club in the Dnipro Hotel Ground floor, huge stage and dance floor
had SUPER nice girls, who wanted to "practice English" with you

in the distant past, I rented a boat in Odesa, and had the gangsta naked women on a yacht thang goin on....
fishing totally sucked, but the view was freakin AMAZING

a mile offshore and you can get wasted and have a threesome, with everyone completely naked
and it could easily be transacted, if you wanted it to be
or just BYOB

once you get your gaskets all BLOWN, you won't be so freakin' horny all the time
so you can spend more time figuring out how to make s'more money holmes


DAVO,

you are "completely missing the point"
this is a CONTROL ISSUE
she ONLY ALLOWS him a certain amount of limited access
ONLY WHEN SHE WANTS
this is a classic "control scam"

EXPERIENCED GUYS who've dated and/or married beautiful FSU
generally agree on the following principle"

if an FSU woman is "in to you" you will 100% know it, she'll make it CLEAR
if she's not, you'll "have doubts"

maybe some day you'll get around to learnin that to Davo!!!

oh BURN!
need some ointment?




 

[2tallbill]

I just want her to be real like not a scammer, will not leave me as soon she gets a greencard/US citizenship.  Please help me someone.

My advice is to ask the mods to take down her photo. There are idiots
on the internet with nothing better to do than to cause you grief. You
don't need that.

If she won't video chat with you that's a really bad sign. She might be
worried about her English, but most good women will want to chat with
you and fumble along with Google Translate rather than not chat at all.

If she won't agree, then my advice is to move on.

Udachi!

Bill

[2tallbill]

Anything else I can do that I haven't done to test her? 

Thanks

Don't test her, a good girl (which is what you want) will get pissed off. 

[2tallbill]

She was very responsive but no video call. 
It was very late for her.  We started texting about 11:45PM her
local time.  I asked her flat out whether she is talking to other men.

She will only want to turn on the camera if she dolls herself up first.
Set up a time to chat in advance and she will probably do it.

Don't worry about other men. If you get on a plane to visit her she
will dump them faster than cottage cheese with mold growing on it.

She just seemed very determined to date first before friendship.  She tells me this is Russian culture.  I told her friendship first, strong foundation, and build upon that.  Again, she disagrees. 

Thanks DAVO for telling me about how much it would cost.  Right now, I don't have that type of money saved up.  I am trying though.  I would like to visit her in 5 months time maybe around Christmas/New Year time.  But first I want to make sure she isn't a scammer. 

Thanks

She's probably not a scammer. She is spending too much time with you.
If she agrees to video chat then you can be even more sure. If you worry
too much about scams you will lose good girls.

Waiting till Christmas is too long. Somebody else might decide to visit her
and you will be the one dumped like moldy cottage cheese.

You don't need $20-50k to get started, you just need enough money to
visit and rent yourself a flat for a week to ten days. But start saving money
because you will need it eventually.

[Davo]

DAVO,

you are "completely missing the point"
this is a CONTROL ISSUE
she ONLY ALLOWS him a certain amount of limited access
ONLY WHEN SHE WANTS
this is a classic "control scam"

EXPERIENCED GUYS who've dated and/or married beautiful FSU
generally agree on the following principle"

if an FSU woman is "in to you" you will 100% know it, she'll make it CLEAR
if she's not, you'll "have doubts"

maybe some day you'll get around to learnin that to Davo!!!

oh BURN!
need some ointment?

FFS he’s only 10 days in!! .... What you think she’s going to commit to chatting 8 hours a day and a 1 hour video chat every 2nd day so soon?..... At this point he’s just another man out of the hundreds she’s already met online and she's a single working mother...... He’s not even on her top 10 list of priorities at this point if time.

One video chat, 2 hours chatting in one sitting like today and sharing photos and videos is an excellent start this early on..... In a couple of weeks he’ll know if she’s genuinely interested in him, when she commits more time to him..... One thing you don’t want to do 10 days in is bombard her constantly..... Quality conversation not quantity is what he needs to do in these early days.

If that’s your idea of a burn, then you better send me some SPF 1 😂

[krimster2]

day-yam, he's THAT FAR to the "back of the line"?
wow!

didn't realize, it was that BAD for the agency users
not only is he NOT even on "first base" yet...
hell he ain't even within a hundred miles of the ballpark
and ALREADY he's feelin some major ANGST....

thinkin maybe this ain't gonna be for him

I still stick by my tried-and-true rule
that your "gut" will tell ya all that you need to know about the woman's feelings or lack there of
but co-denpendent types can't let go of the fantasy they create for themselves
don't cling to false hopes based on self-deception and/or deception from agencies
get REAL

DAVO, why on earth would anyone serious use an agency?
just bacause they can do it "after work" on their PC in their bedroom, for a small amount of money while watching X-File reruns?
and then they TOTALLY buy the fanatsy the agency is selling them HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER!

THAT'S A POOR MAN'S DREAM - now aint it?
and like most dreams, not too well founded in reality

still no ointment?
your call, mr tough guy!!!



 
 

[Davo]

day-yam, he's THAT FAR to the "back of the line"?
wow!

didn't realize, it was that BAD for the agency users
not only is he NOT even on "first base" yet...
hell he ain't even within a hundred miles of the ballpark
and ALREADY he's feelin some major ANGST....

thinkin maybe this ain't gonna be for him

I still stick by my tried-and-true rule
that your "gut" will tell ya all that you need to know about the woman's feelings or lack there of
but co-denpendent types can't let go of the fantasy they create for themselves
don't cling to false hopes based on self-deception and/or deception from agencies
get REAL

DAVO, why on earth would anyone serious use an agency?
just bacause they can do it "after work" on their PC in their bedroom, for a small amount of money while watching X-File reruns?
and then they TOTALLY buy the fanatsy the agency is selling them HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER!

THAT'S A POOR MAN'S DREAM - now aint it?
and like most dreams, not too well founded in reality

still no ointment?
your call, mr tough guy!!!

Where did anyone mention an agency?..... I’ve dated on western sites like zoosk, POF, tinder, etc... Fdating is no different, except now most western sites require a subscription......This is modem dating and it’s no different between western dating and FSU.....Meet online chat for a while and if there’s chemistry then you meet for a date.

Look Krim call me what you want, but at least I’m not a complete and utter BS artist trying to impress a group of random strangers..... I’ve said it before, you have nothing to offer any newbie except BS and fantasies. We aren’t 14 year old teens who are easily impressed by the ramblings of the older kids in the play ground..... Yes you tell a good yarn, but since you time travelled back to give your first GF a smart phone to impress Trench,  you lost any credibility you once had..... Hanging out at a factory gate and enticing a poor women with cheap makeup or your gas, ass or grass advice, if true is pathetic!!.... If any newbie seriously took this advice onboard as a potential way to attract a FSU woman, then he’s as stupid as they come.

Don’t even get me started on the man hole cover car armor plating story..... You obviously have never welded cast!! 🤦🏼‍♂️..... Your wife getting shot when a hit man tried to take you out..... Your drug empire and hiring hot Chinese chemists, being a made man in the Russian mafia..... How gullible do you think we are?...... Trench the chance that his daughters are engaged to oligarchs sons is about the same as you dating a hot anti-feminist British model who wears mini skirts in the dead of winter.

[RussianWomenOnly]

One of my question is that could it be someone else that I am texting with on Viber?  Can someone else be texting me and that for video chat is really her and she gets paid by the real scammers?  She has sent me a few short videos of the girl in question (same girl as in the photos) that are 10-15 seconds each.  Could it be someone else on the doing the texts?  I only video chatted with her once (30 minutes) and we are suppose to video chat again sometime today.   

[krimster2]

"You obviously have never welded cast!! "

cut into strips, not welded...

I offered to prove with hospital records from Costa Rica, the situation with my wife to the last "doubter"
but he didn't accept my terms

keep tryin...
be more funny

noobs are completely unable to learn anything from me
because I was never a "modem dater"
you wanna put yourself on tinder with gazillions of others
then your outcome will be FAR WORSE then if you were a PHYSICAL DATER instead with "one-on-one"
a predator, who hunts the prey in their native habitat
instead of lookin at em on a "trail cam" at HOME...

since you guys aren't ABLE to go hunting in person "abroad"
this is ALL you have
for the MAJORITY of you, it's completely pointless

sad...

I admit to some hyperbole...
but the essence of what I write is true
i'm just a simple story teller tellin stories, that's all

[RussianWomenOnly]

Just chatted with her again for about 30 minutes. One thing she always does is that she always deletes all of her messages on Viber after our conversation.  Is this a red flag?  But the reason she deleted her messages I think it's because she got upset with me.  I talked about how when I was in the military, I was away from my wife (Now ex-wife.  Separated for 4 years now) for over 6 months.  I said, I kneeled and prayed and cried every night during basic training.  She sent me a message saying she's not a psychiatrist and went offline.  She didn't block me because when I sent her messages afterwards, it still shows 2 grey checks meaning she received the message on her phone but not seen.  I really think she's legit and that I have a good chance here.  Guys, thoughts?

[krimster2]

duh!!! hand smacks forehead....

[RussianWomenOnly]

To Krimster2:  Can you explain to me why that is a red flag?  More detail please.  I am very new to this. I asked her why and she said she thinks network is evil.  But to me, we're just people online trying to talk to each other.  She says she does it all the time and it's not a big deal.  I'm just confused.

[krimster2]

"network is Evil" LOL

she doesn't want the "other guys" she's making money from, to see your messages
but don't worry, she also deletes theirs as well

more red flags than a Soviet era Victory Day parade

you're like "a city boy" with no experience in the wild
who's decided to go hunting in a ferocious "dog-eat-dog" jungle, marked by the ruthless self-interest of all you come into contact with
what do YOU think's gonna happen to ya?

you also don't have the financial resources this exercise requires...
all in all, a total waste of your time

you should instead be spending this time figuring out ways to make yourself "better"
both financially and get some local dating experience, before you go down this path
otherwise it'll end up being a disaster for you in one way or another

[Davo]

Just chatted with her again for about 30 minutes. One thing she always does is that she always deletes all of her messages on Viber after our conversation.  Is this a red flag?  But the reason she deleted her messages I think it's because she got upset with me.  I talked about how when I was in the military, I was away from my wife (Now ex-wife.  Separated for 4 years now) for over 6 months.  I said, I kneeled and prayed and cried every night during basic training.  She sent me a message saying she's not a psychiatrist and went offline.  She didn't block me because when I sent her messages afterwards, it still shows 2 grey checks meaning she received the message on her phone but not seen.  I really think she's legit and that I have a good chance here.  Guys, thoughts?

Not sure about the deleting of messages, but her being abrupt with you is another sign in my mind  she’s not a scammer..... You can say pretty much anything to a scammer, even offensive things and they will stay steadfast to the plan / script.

You’re making basic mistakes that apply to western dating too..... You shouldn’t be talking about ex’s so early on, unless she specifically asks and then keep the details to a minimum and put a positive spin on it ..... Once you meet and there’s strong chemistry, then you can have deep and meaningful conversations about negative things / relationships in your past.

You need to come across as a strong “mans man” and a leader. Telling her sob stores like you cried every night will get the same abrupt result from most FSU women on day 11..... Like I said before, in this early phase you should make it light and playful, make her laugh often, flirt and leave her feeling happy and wanting more when you say goodbye..... As a rule every 3-5 comments I’d put some humor in my replies, depending on the subject..... Remember your not only trying to impress her, her girlfriends are hearing everything you say and picking it apart.

[Trenchcoat]

 

Both very opposite type of answers.  I wish with all my heart that this girl is real.  We just texted each other for 2 hours later today after I made the post.  She was very responsive but no video call.  It was very late for her.  We started texting about 11:45PM her local time.  I asked her flat out whether she is talking to other men. I don't really care if she is because I think she's very pretty and I'm sure there are a lot of other people she's talking to.  She just seemed very determined to date first before friendship.  She tells me this is Russian culture.  I told her friendship first, strong foundation, and build upon that.  Again, she disagrees. 

Thanks DAVO for telling me about how much it would cost.  Right now, I don't have that type of money saved up.  I am trying though.  I would like to visit her in 5 months time maybe around Christmas/New Year time.  But first I want to make sure she isn't a scammer. 

Anything else I can do that I haven't done to test her? 

Thanks

She's absolutely right in FSU (Former Soviet Union) culture women don't do friends then date, that's western bs. Typically I hear that FSW (Former Soviet Women) tend to stick more with females as friends. If a FSW does 'friend' you then it's generally a bad sign so far as wanting a relationship goes as a relationship is likely to never happen as she's sees you as a 'friend' and not a 'romantic prospect'. My reading of that is that potentially to women in the FSU almost any male could be a potential partner and potentially a good one. Out there the economy is not so good and a guy that can provide may be seen as a better choice by a FSW than a guy she thinks is attractive. Your banging on about being friends is I'm afraid probably not helping you. In fact you're kind of lucky she knows that it's a thing I'm the west as otherwise she might wonder what your game is.

Both Krim & Davo give good sound answers and are right. The only point of dispute is whether she is a scammer or not. That's not always easy to tell without first hand being there it could be either way. I'm not sure why she is deleting messages on Viber as surely only a guy with her might glance and see it on her phone. Could the husband still be on the scene??? That she says she has a son and sent you photos to me says she may be legit as most scammers will know that most guys go for women that don't have kids so adding a kid when she needn't adds little.

I can't say for certain that she isn't a scammer of course but I would say continue and learn more. Odds are she will only want to invest so much time before asking for money, etc. So I would say continue and it will help you learn more about whether a woman is a scammer, or isn't being quite straight with you, or is legit. It will also help you learn more about FSW and dating them. I know that it's easy in the beginning to put one foot in it after another but after a while you learn the scene and can avoid faux pas's on a regular basis.

I would say on the money front don't sweat it. However if you go for a woman with a kid that is going to increase the cost of getting her and the kid over to you. Sometimes the father if he is still hanging around wants paying off to allow release of his child to go abroad - some guys have got stung real bad in that. Then there are the extra visa costs and costs for the child once in your country. That's why a lot of guys (like myself ) avoid women with kids. Sure less competition from other men but it tends to add to the complexity and cost of what is already a somewhat complex & costly task. I myself don't have a lot of money but am still willing to pursue this endeavour. However I live in the UK and a fair amount of cost is on the state, if in the US then yeah it's likely to cost a fair way more pretty much every which way.

Lastly I would say don't get hung up on this woman, sure if all seems right enough to visit her but there is no telling if she will be right for you when you meet. Going there and learning though helps a lot it's what I've done so far. If it doesn't work out learn from it and try for other women as you could meet a better match, good luck!

[Trenchcoat]

Forgot to mention also don't get too tied up if there are other men messaging her, I did that when I started off. It's basically a pointless affair asking as you need to go visit her first and see if you are into each other before anything can happen. So who cares if she gets messages from other guys? You might meet and there be no chemistry so then you won't care less just as you may be messaging other women. Until you both meet and decide you wish to commit to each other then it's really a non-issue. If you decide she's not worth going out to fly over and meet then again it's a non-issue. People are essentially free to message who they wish to in terms of potential suitors up until the point of agreeing commitment. So makes no sense for either side to limit down the field beforehand. So I wouldn't fret about that, it's something to set aside and press onwards.

[Boethius]

It’s untrue that FSUW, at least in Slavic republics, don’t have male friends.

[RussianWomenOnly]

Trenchcoat:  Thank you very much for that.  I am very confused as to why she wants relationship before friendship.  That just seems so upside down.  How can a marriage last if you are not friends to get to know each other first then commit?  As for child, its something I can accept.  There's no way I will only get her here to the US without her child. I know it cost more and maybe more complicated but it doesn't worry me.  If I can find true love with this woman, I will accept her child as my own.  And for the red flags, yes I see red flags, which is why I am not going to visit her until I am completely satisfied with everything and that it's not a scam.

Thanks everyone for your wisdom and advice, please keep them coming. 

[2tallbill]

It’s untrue that FSUW, at least in Slavic republics, don’t have male friends.

Yes, they have male friends but usually they don't see them as romantic
interests. I believe the point he was trying to make was for a guy trying
to be their romantic interest, being friend zoned, so to speak, isn't good.

Was it Trench who said that? He is almost always wrong, but I think many
FSUW have friends with their girlfriends man/husband or some such, and
classmates where they don't have any romantic interest.

[Davo]

Trenchcoat:  Thank you very much for that.  I am very confused as to why she wants relationship before friendship.  That just seems so upside down.  How can a marriage last if you are not friends to get to know each other first then commit?  As for child, its something I can accept.  There's no way I will only get her here to the US without her child. I know it cost more and maybe more complicated but it doesn't worry me.  If I can find true love with this woman, I will accept her child as my own.  And for the red flags, yes I see red flags, which is why I am not going to visit her until I am completely satisfied with everything and that it's not a scam.

Thanks everyone for your wisdom and advice, please keep them coming.

I’m not sure how much dating you’ve done after your divorce, but I would have thought it’s similar in the US to most other western countries.....  When you meet a person who’s previously a stranger,  you meet for a date and if there’s chemistry and mutual attraction you might be intimate that day or maybe after 2-3 dates. After the friendship grows the more time you spend together..... In my opinion sexual chemistry is as important as friendship. You can be the best friends in the world, but it doesn’t mean you’ll be compatible on a sexual level.