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Author Topic: Not visiting her home  (Read 15811 times)

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Not visiting her home
« on: February 01, 2005, 04:33:03 PM »
Hello

   What does it mean if the RW does not invite you to her home (to meet her extended family)?

   Does it mean 1) She knows you have a big house and is ashamed of her own shabby (in her eyes) quarters; or 2) She is ashamed of you and doesn't want her family to know who she's about to run off with; or 3) She doesn't want her family and you to meet because she has her own (unknown to everyone else) agenda; or 4) something else.

Fairbro

   

Offline KenC

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Not visiting her home
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2005, 04:49:35 PM »
fairbro,

It could mean any of those or maybe she wants a free trip out of her town.  You really need to give us more details though.  Who suggested what and why would be a start.

KenC
You are a den of vipers and thieves-Andrew Jackson on banks
Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies-Thomas Jefferson

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Not visiting her home
« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2005, 04:53:24 PM »
Quote from: fairbro
Hello

   What does it mean if the RW does not invite you to her home (to meet her extended family)?

   Does it mean 1) She knows you have a big house and is ashamed of her own shabby (in her eyes) quarters; or 2) She is ashamed of you and doesn't want her family to know who she's about to run off with; or 3) She doesn't want her family and you to meet because she has her own (unknown to everyone else) agenda; or 4) something else.

Fairbro  


Fairbro,

Did something happen unexpectedly to the poll? Seems it was ended abruptly, or something ??

- Dan

Olga Salem

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Not visiting her home
« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2005, 04:55:49 PM »
Hi Fairbro,

It could mean she is not all that interested in you. Maybe a bad sign. But before I get too negative, let me ask you - have you actually met in person yet? If not, did she say anything like "let's meet first and then if all goes well I will invite you to see my home and meet my family and friends"?

I ask because this is how I handled it with Doug. I was pretty sure he was "the one." but, because of embarassments with two other guys who visited me, I wanted to check him out before I brought him home.

After only one day in Kiev together I knew I wanted my parents to meet him. So I dragged him all the way to Krivoy Rog to stay with us for a week. And that is an important part of getting to know each other. You really need to meet her family and friends, see where she lives, where she went to school, works, etc.

Hope it helps!

- Olga Salem

www.goeastnow.com

 

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« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2005, 11:17:24 PM »
Removed by request of author
« Last Edit: February 05, 2005, 05:31:00 PM by Dan »

Offline Bruce

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« Reply #5 on: February 02, 2005, 01:43:45 AM »
Fairbro - Run, do not walk away from this disaster waiting to happen to you!  She repeatedly lies to you; spends your money like water while in reality you are frugal; you can not communicate; she is obviously immature; and I am not sure you get anything out of it but a pretty girl to look at while she is enjoying you treat her to things occassionally.  Meeting the parents are the least of your worries.  Correct me where I am wrong but what shot do you really think of having a lasting relationship with this girl?  What do you have in common?
"A word is dead when it is said, some say.  I say it just begins to live that day."  Emily Dickinson

Offline BC

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« Reply #6 on: February 02, 2005, 02:48:13 AM »
Regarding the topic of being invited to her home I'm convinced Olga has it right.

In all of my longer relationships meeting the parents came 'later'.  I personally would feel quite uneasy meeting a woman and her parents/family right off the bat - Not because of possible motives, just that I would want to get to know her better beforehand and get a little family background before getting foot in mouth(or a$$)disease.

When you meet a Russian for the first time you will probably note a 'cool' reception when compared to meeting westerners for the first time. Will likely be that way when first meeting her parents.  Is normal though and when the bottles and shotglasses start appearing you can relax ;) Take it easy on the shots though...

Interesting story fairbro.  Won't comment much here about it in case you want to start a thread for your situation.

 

Offline KenC

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« Reply #7 on: February 02, 2005, 04:22:48 AM »
Fairbro,

You seem to make a habit of getting engaged (that is what a K-1 is suppose to signify) to women you hardly know.  That is your real problem.  What is wrong with getting to know a woman well prior to proposing marriage?  It only sounds normal to me.  You seem to take this matter way too lightly and therefore so does the woman.  OK, let me put it this way: You proposed to this woman that you didn't know or with whom you could barely communicate, based on what?  Her physical beauty?  Her profile?  She accepts your proposal.  As she is in the same exact position as you, what is her acceptance based on?  Your ATM card?  The two of you have barely enough information about each other to start a relationship let alone get engaged.  I am not suprised that this is going sideways for you.  I would be more suprised if it worked out.

The next time, try getting to know the woman before asking for her hand in marriage.  Maybe even try falling in love.

KenC
You are a den of vipers and thieves-Andrew Jackson on banks
Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies-Thomas Jefferson

Offline jb

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« Reply #8 on: February 02, 2005, 05:19:11 AM »
fairbro,

I'm stunned by your post.  Therefore, the following should be considered a whack by the clue bat.  I hope you understand, this will hurt me more that you.

Quote
About myself. I worked for the government for 20 years
Guessing on my part, you are in your 40's or better?  BTW, was it military or Civil Service?

Quote
She is very busy, working a long day at the office, going to the university or sportclub in the evening and being used as a babysitter by her older sisters.
Again guessing on my part, she is in her early 20's?

Quote
Then (months after sending a letter to a photo I really liked) I got a reply from Olesya and I was doubly smitten (so I canceled the fiance visa for Irina). <snip> since we weren't married nor engaged yet.

Another guess, you don't fully understand the word "commitment".  If you were in the K-1 process you had to have asked the girl to marry, you were in fact, engaged.  And even worse, you have a tendency to fall in love with photographs.

Quote
Yulia is very intelligent. My impression is that Olesya is sincere, but in a game of wits, I wouldn't want to be matched against Yulia. I think I am very bright, but I got the feeling Yulia was always three steps ahead of me.

Still guessing here, but it appears that you were thrice smitten, the young lady picked up on it and doesn't think you have a clue as to who you want to marry, or understand what marriage is all about. As for you thinking you are very bright, well........

Quote
I did mention to Olesya that I was jealous, that I wanted to see her always. She said she was jealous of me, of the women at the reception and cafe-bar in the hotel.

The first part tells me you have a controlling personality, the second part tells me she picked up on the fact, very quickly, that you have a roving eye.  You poisoned your own soup with this girl.

I suggest you re-read KenC's post over and over, write it down, memorize it, and then get comfortable with the notion that you are standing on the tracks and that train whistle is blowing ever louder.
« Last Edit: February 02, 2005, 08:07:00 AM by jb »

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« Reply #9 on: February 03, 2005, 03:34:02 AM »
Removed by request of author
« Last Edit: February 05, 2005, 05:31:00 PM by Dan »

Offline Bruce

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« Reply #10 on: February 03, 2005, 05:18:35 AM »
I think members did a good job with the clue bat.   Some people just have to learn things in life the hard way.  Best of luck.
"A word is dead when it is said, some say.  I say it just begins to live that day."  Emily Dickinson

Offline jb

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« Reply #11 on: February 03, 2005, 10:10:14 AM »
Yeah, Bruce, I considered a reply, but thought F-it, this guy isn't worth the virtual ink to try to educate.  However he'd be right at home on the rwguide.

Offline KenC

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« Reply #12 on: February 03, 2005, 10:45:15 AM »
jb & Bruce,

You guys can count me out on fairbro too.  He is far too smart for my help.

KenC
You are a den of vipers and thieves-Andrew Jackson on banks
Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies-Thomas Jefferson

Offline Albert

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Not visiting her home
« Reply #13 on: February 03, 2005, 10:46:36 AM »
Very interesting story as written from the viewpoint of a 16 year old boy.

It gave me cold sweats to think that this guy might have been in an important position in government . . . or anywhere.

Offline BC

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« Reply #14 on: February 03, 2005, 10:59:13 AM »
jb
As they say experience is the best teacher.. I never listened to my parents in my younger years either but I never forgot their words.

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« Reply #15 on: February 03, 2005, 11:38:05 AM »
Hey Fairbro, I have read your story. I really don't see any problems. I think everything will work out.
 
With regards to Irina, your right. After you saw Olesya,...... Irina who? Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. You hit it on the head,  All's fair in love and war," since you weren't married nor engaged yet.

I wouldn't worry about her lack of English. Communications is not all that important when your both goggly eyed over each other. You can communicate later.  It will get better and those electronic translators are really cool and work really well, ....well except when your in the bedroom and who needs a translator there, right? Been there, done that, lot's of fun and even got that t-shirt!
 
Russian women missing appointments? Ha! Nothing new their Hasbro, oops, I mean Fairbro. Happens all the time. Most Russian women mess about half their appointments, or are at least 30 minutes late, right?
 
Her idea to only spend a month in America, well Fairbro, that proves to you she is not marrying you just to move to America. I think she is sincere. And most Russian women, once they have started at the University, want to graduate so I see nothing out of the ordinary their. She will probably need you to help support her during her last 2-3 years of school but look at it this way, let her learn to be a doctor and then bring her back to America, you put her to work and your one hot coool daddy, you can retire and with Olesya working and that 20 year retirement plan from the government, well, no more buy clothes at Goodwill, no more furniture from garage sales, no sir. You bring her back as doctor and it's brand new, still in the box, Wal-mart's best clothes and furniture for you baby!
 
From your post........ "Worst-case scenario is she is planning on running away after departing the plane. I can't see that. She just doesn't strike me as the kind of person to plan and carry out such a deceit. At first, when we told her she had to go to the Moscow embassy for the visa interview, she was reluctant to go by herself - she wanted me to accompany her.......Hasbro, you don't have anything to worry about!  The fact that she wanted you to be at the interview PROVES she is a sincere woman and loves you. This ladies for real.
 
You did fine by giving her an ATM card, many of us have done the same. Yes, sir, been there buddy, got a T-shirt to prove it. And running up $800, that's nothing. You want a woman who is frugal with your money, she's it. I've heard of guys whose fiancée's would spend $1100, $1200, and they loved their future husbands. No sir Hasbro, don't let the naysayers here on rwd convince you otherwise. You got a keeper.


You would feel a lot better meeting her parents? Why? Your not marrying them. I think she might have been embarrassed because you are a foreign man and she did not know how her parents would take to her marrying a foreign man. But once your married, it's to late, right?
 
Hasbro, keep her. She sounds fine to me.
 
 
 
 

Offline jb

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« Reply #16 on: February 03, 2005, 11:58:30 AM »
I wonder what LP from PL would say about this gig.

Offline Photo Guy

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« Reply #17 on: February 03, 2005, 12:59:36 PM »
fairbro,
I have very little experience with RW, but my general impression
from everything you've written is:
You do not know this woman very well(!!), and you need to develop
your gut instincts. There are red flags everywhere.
Why would you marry someone you don't know well? To borrow
a line from the film , '2 Brothers and a Bride': 'I want to be
known well.' That's at the core of a relationship. You have a
problem communicating and sure, the language barrier doesn't
help. You hand someone an ATM card and do not specify
the conditions of its use?! I did notice you had good vibes with
Yulia. That's what you need with a woman. What are you looking
for in a woman? Do yourself a favor - make a list. Breaking
promises by not showing up for appointments is on my
'unwanted' list. 'High maintenance' is also on my bad list.
Make a list. Realize what you want and need in a wife.  -doug

Offline Photo Guy

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« Reply #18 on: February 03, 2005, 01:11:08 PM »
fairbro proudly states:
'Actually, I really *don't* want much more than a pretty face. And the ATM card is probably close to the top of the list of plusses for the RW. What I really want is a baby. I am not looking for a wonderful personality, Jennifer Lopez looks, or legs that go on forever. I was even thinking of adopting a child, but that would no doubt be a big nyet from the RW, especially after we were just married. Second on the list of qualities would be an outgoing, enthusiastic personality, which Olesya has. Third would be wealth, but not in Russia!

When I explained my worry, about the overseas bride running away, to my tattoo-artist friend, she advised (she has been married seven times, so she has experience in these matters): "Get married, pop out a couple of kids. Once she's got a couple of kids, then she's not going to run off, she's tied down."

Is the RW looking for love? Of course. But I sense a little desperation sometimes. To escape the crowded flat, the RW will accept less than the ideal. ..'

God help the RW who marries you, expecting a loving and
decent father for her children. It's amazing how low self-esteem
can ruin a person. Maybe you'll just get what you deserve,
but if you have kids they'll be taught that marriage is not
about love, and how will that affect society?   -doug

Offline jb

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« Reply #19 on: February 04, 2005, 02:53:30 AM »
Personally I don't understand why he's discounted "wealth" as one of his criteria since there's lots of well-off women in the FSU.  But to find a woman like that, you need to do a little searching beyond the marriage agencies and online profiles.

ahhh,,, I forget, she will have already done a bit of traveling, will probably speak a few languages, will have a better education, will own a nice flat in Moscow, plus a dacha, will have her head screwed on straight, will want to marry a man she loves and respects and will not fit very well under some controlling jerk's thumb.

How silly of me.


Doug Salem

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« Reply #20 on: February 04, 2005, 06:45:45 AM »
I liked the part about the Rastafarian haze.

Perhaps a Freudian/Selassian slip? 

Pass the duthchie, Fairbro, so we can all be on the same page.

Jah Love,

- Doug 2/too 

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« Reply #21 on: February 04, 2005, 07:00:05 AM »
That, and the screen name, "fairbro"; did not go unnoticed here, although I didn't want to go there for fear of PC concerns.  He made enough other statements on his own to bury himself.

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« Reply #22 on: February 04, 2005, 09:58:55 PM »
Good God, what a bunch of losers! I ask for advice, I get sarcasm, and hostility.

Sarcastic.

Insincere.

Lonely.

Pathetic.

They have to travel halfway around the world to find a woman. The woman agrees to come with them, will stay with them, only because they are from a rich country.

I might as well sink down to the level in this thread. People are happier communicating when they are on the same level. So I will have to lower my attitude to  be antagonistic and depressed.

Quote
When I explained my worry, about the overseas bride running away, to my tattoo-artist friend, she advised (she has been married seven times, so she has experience in these matters): "Get married, pop out a couple of kids. Once she's got a couple of kids, then she's not going to run off, she's tied down."

Good grief, nobody gets it? Do I have to explain the irony? I put that in there to see if anyone was more than a half-wit. (Duh! Someone who's been hitched seven times shouldn't be giving out marriage advice.)

Photo Guy (Chubster) admiring himself with his shirt off, probably ruminating over all the modeling assignments he has to turn down.

Doug Salem - does anyone have any idea what he is talking about? "Selassian slip?" "Pass the duthchie?" "Jah Love?" "Doug 2/too?" I guess the latest earthquake in the Gold-Plate State rattled the quantum particles ping-ponging in the brain.

jb - does my nickname bother you? I've had that nickname for a long time, some friends originally tagged me with it, and I've enjoyed it ever since. Looks like someone has a race problem.

Quote
I wonder what LP from PL would say about this gig.

Oh, how clever. *I* have a problem communicating? LP? PL? What is this? The Little Boys Treehouse Club with secret letter codes? Only nerds need apply?

Quote
Yeah, Bruce, I considered a reply, but thought F-it, this guy isn't worth the virtual ink to try to educate. However he'd be right at home on the rwguide.

but F-it, he replied anyway. rwguide? Why try to communicate, just make up your own words. "...try to educate..." More condescending arrogance from someone who thinks regurgitating the latest psychobabble is tantamount to wisdom, still grousing because I shot down his "controlling personality" evaluation, no, I mean *invalidation.*

Jack - Here's a guy who goes around with a bag over his head. Either he's extremely ugly, has "low self-esteem," or three eyes. His mommie didn't clean the Hasbro blocks off his bed last night. Oh, I get it, Hasbro-Fairbro, it's a joke on my name! Like Jack in the Bag, or Jack-of-no-brains, hey this is pretty easy... Почему у него такой грустный вид?

albert - starts his name with a lower-case letter. Visualizes himself as an ice-cream cone. Oh, forget it, I don't need to go any further...

Gee, мне печальный the little kids won't let me into the  treehouse. Maybe I should have brought some жевательная резинка.

My friend lives in Indonesia, and O and I are going to Bali for the honeymoon. Страдать молча!

If anyone wants to waste his time throwing more insults, go ahead, but I probably won't read any more replies.  Entertaining, but dull. Who needs worthless crap?

fairbro

(To read the cyrillic, change encoding to unicode - UTF-8
« Last Edit: February 04, 2005, 10:00:00 PM by fairbro »

Offline BC

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« Reply #23 on: February 05, 2005, 02:17:52 AM »
Fairbro,

Seems you got some good responses to your first couple of posts, quite even keeled.

The more you revealed though the more you seemed only interested in justifying your way, or making some kind of statement.. only that I fail to see the point you wanted to make.

You asked for opin and you got it.. Accepting only those of your liking seems to make me ask "What were you looking for?"

Yep it's tough around here. Not a bunch of cheerleaders that's for sure...

Your feathers are obviously ruffled. Sometimes that is what it takes..

Really do wish you luck.


Offline acrzybear

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« Reply #24 on: February 05, 2005, 04:18:14 AM »
HHmmmmmmmmm!! Interesting that some folks get a couple of honest comments and they don't like what they hear so they get all pissed off and resort to name calling. Words of wisdom - if you don't want to know the answer, then don't ask the Fu#@ing question!

Nuff said on that subject:dude:   
« Last Edit: February 05, 2005, 04:29:00 AM by acrzybear »
Necessitas dat ingenium

Offline Photo Guy

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« Reply #25 on: February 05, 2005, 04:29:19 AM »
fairbro,
You give an account of your dealings with a RW.
That account tells us you put up with a lot of s**t
from women, which means you have no standards
or very low standards, -no real judgment criteria
for choosing a wife. You're like a guy wearing a
'kick me!' sign on his back. And now you feel you've
been kicked?  You invite it. (at least on a subconscious level)
You really do.

Offline jb

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« Reply #26 on: February 05, 2005, 05:17:16 AM »
Quote
still grousing because I shot down his "controlling personality" evaluation, no, I mean *invalidation.*


Do you actually read what you post?  Virtually every paragraph deals with "control", it would be too much to list each example here.

Quote
Looks like someone has a race problem.


No, not really,,, I'm a white guy, married to a white woman. Race is not an issue in my house.  It seems to me the people with race problems are those who strive to marry outside their race.  I've known several black and hispanic women who go abso-freaking-lutely ballistic when they see a man of their race with a woman of an odd color.  If you are a "bro" and want to marry a foreign woman there are some real stunners in the Dutch East Indes, Ethopia, Peru, Argentina, and Brazil.  Those are the countries I've personally visited which have significant black and hispanic populations.  I'd hate to think any man would have a problem with girls such as these.


Offline Jack

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« Reply #27 on: February 05, 2005, 06:51:17 AM »
 

......(she's back).......

 

Hasbro,.errr, I mean Fairbro,..err I mean CLAIRE!!!  Oh, noooooo, she's back!

Hide the wifes, cover the children's eye's and ear's, tell the mistress's to take a month's vacation, America's Russian woman hater has made a surprise attack on the peaceful, sleepy community known as the RWD.

 

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« Reply #28 on: February 06, 2005, 02:10:10 AM »
« Last Edit: February 06, 2005, 10:08:00 AM by fairbro »

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« Reply #29 on: February 06, 2005, 06:49:37 AM »
Quote from: Jack


......(she's back).......



Jacqueline, does that veil you have to wear, listening to a loudspeakered call to prayer 7/24, and bending down five times a day in the desert heat prevent your brain from functioning.  


Offline Jack

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« Reply #30 on: February 06, 2005, 07:05:58 AM »
daaa, Hasbro, I think so. With my head in the knelled position so much, and the blood rushing to my head so often during the day, my brain does not work as well. I have repeatedly told this to Osama as well, but he does not believe me. I'm thinking of switching to a religion where I don't have to pray so much each day. Hasbro, do you know how often the Mormon's have to pray in a day?

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« Reply #31 on: February 06, 2005, 09:43:56 AM »
Yeah and the Mormon has to pray separately with each wife, so that's a lot of praying.

That reminds me of the Mormons I met in S. They told me they were praying the mafia wouldn't disturb them in their building. Whoops, I mean they were paying...
« Last Edit: February 06, 2005, 09:45:00 AM by fairbro »

 

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Re: American With Russian Fianc - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by krimster2
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Re: American With Russian Fianc - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by ML
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Re: What to do by krimster2
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What to do by 2tallbill
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Re: If you don't know what you are talking about, post away anyway by 2tallbill
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Re: American With Russian Fianc - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by krimster2
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Re: American With Russian Fianc - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by Brillynt
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Re: American With Russian Fianc - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by krimster2
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Re: American With Russian Fianc - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by Infoman
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Re: American With Russian Fianc - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by krimster2
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