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Author Topic: LOOKING FOR LOVE.......IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES................a new approach.  (Read 13813 times)

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Offline CaptB

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Scammers, pro-daters, unscrupulous agencies, tours (the herd approach), fake photos, fake women, no women (yuris)........etc. etc. etc. No matter what I say here........guys are still going to beat them selves up by doing things to old way. A dozen years ago......agencies and tours were the main avenues of meeting RWs. I started this back in 1998 on the old RWG. There were only about 400 members. At least a third actually made a trip to the FSU. We relied on each other for travel tips: a good landlord, cab driver, interpreter, honest flower delivery etc. There were only a few agencies.....and some were actually honest.


Now......there are a gazilion agencies, websites, tour companies......with good comments made on only a handful. Scamming is rampant. But we do have a 15 - 20 year record of actual.... successful marriages......and thus....."reliable contacts". My plan back in 2002 was to use contacts, one city to focus on.....and maybe a reliable website or two. The website I used back then was "TRUELOVES.COM" (now defunct). My plan was derailed after finding an interpreter......who eventually became my wife. Actually a friend of my wife's......used the same plan in reverse.....to find a husband in the US. They have been married 8 years now. My wife's friend was writing, calling and skyping a guy in Wisconsin. My wife and I lived in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan at the time. We told her we would call him.....and see if he wanted to go out to dinner with us. We told him we needed to check him out to make sure he was'nt a serial killer (he laughed). We had a nice dinner and discussion. Two months later she invited him for a visit.....and a year later they were married.


If I were doing this today I would pick on interesting city. Pick out a few interesting women to make contact with. Then ask the board members here if anyone is from this city. Maybe a relative or friend could meet-up with the RW you have chosen....verifying they are real.....and getting a general impression of her character, personalty etc. Of course you pick-up the tab for the meal and cab. Maybe an RW board member here has a friend or relative who is looking for an AM.......or maybe looking for a little work as an interpreter. Most will ignore my plan.......because they are gluttons for punishment. Is this a guaranteed plan for success once you have found a legitimate candidate.............NO.........that is up to you. But I believe it is the best way to find an honest RW........which nowadays.........is maybe the hardest part of this endeavor.


P.S. My reasoning for focussing on one city is manyfold: Back-up plans are easier to facilitate. I am a huge believer in visiting an RW for the first time in "THEIR" city. That way you get to see how her relatives, friends and co-workers regard.........HER. If she does'nt want you to meet any of these folks I would........RUN FOREST.......RUN!!!!!! My wife's friends, relatives and co-workers.....ALL said what a great person she was . They also let me know how fortunate I was.....that she chose to be with me. You don't get that by going on vacation......somewhere else. You are just delaying getting to know the "real her"......in her own environment........surrounded by her own people.


Capt B   
"A Yooper in Moscovia"

Offline CaptB

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I was hoping for a few comments......maybe an exchange of ideas. This is probably the main reason why I usually drift away after awhile......then come back next year to announce another anniversary. My wife asked......"why do you bother. The guys want excitement.....entertaining trip reports (well....I like those too).....and wasting a lot of time before taking the plunge". Her number one issue that she agrees with, in my original opening post is: "a guy should meet her first.....in her city.....before meeting at another location". She knows dozens of guys who were looked upon as "vacation providers" in her city alone. And for the record....she had some interesting places lined-up to visit.....if things worked out between us.....and she "paid" for the bus tickets herself.


No surprise that we hit it off....to either of us. I told her I would come for a visit within 3 or 4 months. We talked on the phone well over a hundred hours on the phone before I visited. Any and all subjects were discussed at length. The only real surprise was how much I liked her relatives, friends, coworkers & city of Stavropol.


I always liked to have a first meeting in the spring. Yup.....weather is not always the best.....but airfare is dirt cheap. If she is worth a second visit....then I come back in the Summer. Airfares are much higher.....but we already met.....many less surprises.....and now there is a better guarantee of having a nice visit/vacation.


Capt B
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Offline JayH

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CaptB   -nice posts. The good guys on forum applaud you silently-- the forum fools hate success stories -it is about the only time they shut up and don't destroy threads with negative over analysis!!
So keep telling your story-- some of us are interested ! :)
SLAVA UKRAYINI  ! HEROYAM SLAVA!!!!
Слава Украине! Слава героям слава!Слава Україні! Слава героям!
 translated as: Glory to Ukraine! Glory to the heroes!!!  is a Ukrainian greeting slogan being used now all over Ukraine to signify support for a free independent Ukraine

Offline Shadow

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I would not change the approach I had before, though as I mentioned being in relative close distance it is easier to accomplish.
What I did? Simple. I never limited myself geographically. In fact I went to places like Argentina and New York as well as the FSU (good old days). So I would never limit to one city or even one country.
Instead I would check out a lot of profiles, reading them carefully to see if they seemed to be personal, looking at the pictures as well and trying to pick up a personality that might match mine. Then write a number of mails, seeing how communication could go.
Get the phone number and call. And if there seemed to be mutual interest, book a short trip.
As said being European I had for the FSU the ability to leave on Thursday evening and be back on Sunday evening, spending three days on the initial date. More than enough to find out the level of chemistry and if we wanted to continue building a relationship.
I would be writing to as many as bothered to answer me, and while I would not inform them of trips, at the same time be brutally honest in case of relationship development.


No it is not a dog. Its really how I look.  ;)

Offline Chicagoguy

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I agree with CaptB. For newbies it is easier and cheaper to go to one city. But I would choose one with at least 500,000. Still, it can be tricky to use backup plan in close proximity. Maybe Moscow + one more.

As for myself, I did a nice profile and let the women write to me first. This way I thought they would at least have some interest in me. Many letters went unanswered and I am not sure if this was correct or polite.

My wife was not interested in meeting in her hometown. She did not want to be hearing all the opinions and thoughts of her family and friends. She had had one man before who had come all the way from Australia and it made her a nervous wreck.

But we did communicate every single day for 1.5 years until she had K-1 visa and arrived here. Now I visit her family every other year and a great time is had by all.

Offline Gator

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CaptB, thanks for not drifting away.  Your single city approach was followed by many at RWG 10-15 years ago.  I recall many stories of men who went to Tver, so many men that some called the city fished out.    :D   The agencies were reputable, one being owned by an American physician and another by the Canadian cowboy Rvrwind. 


Its all about getting a sincere man in contact with a sincere woman, each with reasonable expectations, and letting nature take its course. 





 

Offline GQBlues

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...If I were doing this today I would pick on interesting city....

I would too. Mine.
Quote from: msmob
1. Because of 'man', global warming is causing desert and arid areas to suffer long, dry spell.
2. The 2018 Camp Fire and Woolsey California wildfires are forests burning because of global warming.
3. N95 mask will choke you dead after 30 min. of use.

Offline Gator

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I would too. Mine.


Does this mean your traveling to Russia 10 years ago was a personal mistake?   

Offline GQBlues

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The quoted text said: "If I were doing this today". Had nothing to do with whatever happened 10 years ago.
« Last Edit: September 30, 2014, 01:46:29 PM by GQBlues »
Quote from: msmob
1. Because of 'man', global warming is causing desert and arid areas to suffer long, dry spell.
2. The 2018 Camp Fire and Woolsey California wildfires are forests burning because of global warming.
3. N95 mask will choke you dead after 30 min. of use.

Offline Gator

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The quoted text said: "If I were doing this today". Had nothing to do with whatever happened 10 years ago.


I can infer much from your post, in different directions. 


Is this the same as "If I were doing this today for the first time, meaning I am the GQ of 10 years ago, not married to my lovely Siberian princess, never having been to Russia, I would stay in LA?"






Offline GQBlues

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Re: LOOKING FOR LOVE.......IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES................a new approach.
« Reply #10 on: September 30, 2014, 02:24:20 PM »

I can infer much from your post, in different directions. 


Is this the same as "If I were doing this today for the first time, meaning I am the GQ of 10 years ago, not married to my lovely Siberian princess, never having been to Russia, I would stay in LA?"

Nope. It says exactly what I already stated:

The quoted text said: "If I were doing this today". Had nothing to do with whatever happened 10 years ago.

Just as the author recounted his experience from 10 years ago then speculated what he would do today which bears NOTHING, as in NADA, ZILCH, ZIP and big FAT ZERO - to do with what he did 10 years ago.

Capiche?
« Last Edit: September 30, 2014, 02:28:24 PM by GQBlues »
Quote from: msmob
1. Because of 'man', global warming is causing desert and arid areas to suffer long, dry spell.
2. The 2018 Camp Fire and Woolsey California wildfires are forests burning because of global warming.
3. N95 mask will choke you dead after 30 min. of use.

Offline CaptB

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Re: LOOKING FOR LOVE.......IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES................a new approach.
« Reply #11 on: September 30, 2014, 03:50:58 PM »
GQBlues,


I beg to differ. There are many things that are different today....in this RW dating process. More scammers (individual)......more scamming agencies. Better communication.....Skype.....cheap phone calls....etc. I do tire of hearing the phrase.....that was 10, 15 years ago......it is not relevant ....TODAY.
I never had a problem with the ladies 40 years ago....or 30......20.......or 10. If I had to be back on the market today....it would be no different. Yes....things are different today. They were different 15 years ago......when I started this process. I heard the same comments now......as I did 15 years ago......from those "younger studs"......who basically called you a "clueless geezer".....:-)


But some things will never change. A woman....even now.....would appreciate a "snail-mailed".......personal letter. Such a simple thing would make you stand-out.....in a "sea of e-mails". Today I would Skype..........of course. But I might throw in a paper letter or two.......she would be thrilled...if she has any interest in you.


As I said......some things will never change. Visiting a RW in "her" city will cut through the crap. Knowing how her relatives, friends and coworkers regard ......."HER".............that is something that will never change........not 15 years ago....................................not today. 






Gator,


If you were on the old RWG......you may remember "Doc Woody" from Fort Pierce Florida. He found his wife through Lifetime Partners in Tver, Russia. He was there to visit other RW.......but ended-up falling for his interpreter. They have a few kids and are doing fine.....last I heard. He had heard that LTP was for sale and he purchased it. He was the owner for about two years. He thought he could pop in a few times a year.....and the business would pretty much run itself.. :cluebat: :cluebat: :cluebat: .
Several of the female employees basically stole all of the customer files (AM & RW)..........and started there own agency (I won't mention names).
Mark Dayton.....who was there in the late 90's ....when I first went to Tver.......ended-up buying the business from Doc Woody. LTP is still there......and still owned by Mark. Mark has a rough personality......but I believe him to be honest.......and genuinely cares about his clients. I believe his current model is all services....ALA-CART. Instead of an all-inclussive package......you can buy only the services that "YOU" determine necessary. I don't have a link. I just Googled "Lifetime Partners Tver Russia".........for those who may be interested. "FISHED-OUT"............for me........no place is really fished-out.


This process may be harder today......many more obstacles.......but some things will never change. Commonsense, focus, reading & accepting the signs,
meeting the people around her.......and their opinion of her.........are as relevant today......as they were 15 years ago.




Capt B


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« Last Edit: September 30, 2014, 10:28:38 PM by CaptB »
"A Yooper in Moscovia"

Offline GQBlues

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Re: LOOKING FOR LOVE.......IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES................a new approach.
« Reply #12 on: September 30, 2014, 03:58:33 PM »
GQBlues,


I beg to differ. There are many things that are different today....in this RW dating process. More scammers (individual)......more scamming agencies. Better communication.....Skype.....cheap phone calls....etc. I do tire of hearing the phrase.....that was 10, 15 years ago......it is not relevant ....TODAY....



Knowingly or otherwise, you just reiterated what I said. Your speculation of what you would do today bears no relevance to what you did 10 years ago.

Where we differ is - while you apparently would go back and do the entire process again, I wouldn't. That's all I said.
Quote from: msmob
1. Because of 'man', global warming is causing desert and arid areas to suffer long, dry spell.
2. The 2018 Camp Fire and Woolsey California wildfires are forests burning because of global warming.
3. N95 mask will choke you dead after 30 min. of use.

Offline CaptB

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Re: LOOKING FOR LOVE.......IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES................a new approach.
« Reply #13 on: September 30, 2014, 04:09:59 PM »
I understand. Thanks. Any particular reasons why you would not do this again? Just curious.


Thanks,


Capt B


"A Yooper in Moscovia"
"A Yooper in Moscovia"

Offline GQBlues

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Re: LOOKING FOR LOVE.......IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES................a new approach.
« Reply #14 on: September 30, 2014, 04:54:31 PM »
I understand. Thanks. Any particular reasons why you would not do this again? Just curious....

No problemo.

Above and foremost, I am of the conviction that women are women. Secondly, I never had any problems, or problem dating, any of the local women. There's a multitude of wonderful, gorgeous women where I live. If Slavic women are someone's persuasion, there's thousands of single and available Slavic women all over this city, and beyond state lines well within the US.

So in a case such as myself, why go halfway around the world with all the rigor and tribulations of LDD?
Quote from: msmob
1. Because of 'man', global warming is causing desert and arid areas to suffer long, dry spell.
2. The 2018 Camp Fire and Woolsey California wildfires are forests burning because of global warming.
3. N95 mask will choke you dead after 30 min. of use.

Offline Anotherkiwi

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Re: LOOKING FOR LOVE.......IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES................a new approach.
« Reply #15 on: September 30, 2014, 05:19:36 PM »
Above and foremost, I am of the conviction that women are women. Secondly, I never had any problems, or problem dating, any of the local women. There's a multitude of wonderful, gorgeous women where I live. If Slavic women are someone's persuasion, there's thousands of single and available Slavic women all over this city, and beyond state lines well within the US.

So in a case such as myself, why go halfway around the world with all the rigor and tribulations of LDD?

So, why did you?  You go on and on about how you are "not" the average MOBer, yet you behaved just the same as those who you continue to castigate.  I'm happy that you have a supposedly wonderful marriage to your Siberian princess, but WHY did you go chasing her and not just some equally appealing prospect in LA?

I've asked you this before but surprise, surprise, you couldn't be bothered answering.  Why not?  Are you afraid that everyone else will find out that you really aren't that much different from them after all?

Offline lonedrake

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Re: LOOKING FOR LOVE.......IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES................a new approach.
« Reply #16 on: September 30, 2014, 06:28:22 PM »
Quote
My wife was not interested in meeting in her hometown. She did not want to be hearing all the opinions and thoughts of her family and friends.

Same with my wife. Small city of 10,000 or so. She did not even want me to visit her in her hometown the second trip. I basically told her she had no choice. 

So my advice for others is visiting her in her city just depends on her and the size of the city.

Offline CaptB

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Re: LOOKING FOR LOVE.......IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES................a new approach.
« Reply #17 on: September 30, 2014, 06:51:25 PM »
I think it depends more on what "you".....want to do. Why would a woman, with nothing to hide,........"not" want you to meet her family, friends and coworkers? I can understand is an RW was worried about my impressions of her city (compared to the US etc.). But if she was a wonderful person....how could you "not" like where she came from.......the place that produced ....."her". If only RW had the same financial resources......ease of travel.....I would give them the same advice......about meeting him in "his" city. Unfortunately most have to wait until the K-1 (or even K-3) visa.......for that to happen.


My wife did not have a choice. It was "MY" rule to meet her first.....in her city. I was happy to meet her friends, relatives & coworkers.....and her boss who let me teach an English class where she worked as a teacher of English. They were all happy to meet me...also. They "ALL" told me how lucky I was. She was everybody's favorite person. Now she's "MY".......favorite person.


Capt B


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« Last Edit: September 30, 2014, 10:00:00 PM by CaptB »
"A Yooper in Moscovia"

Offline Drew

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Re: LOOKING FOR LOVE.......IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES................a new approach.
« Reply #18 on: September 30, 2014, 07:06:46 PM »
Why would a women, with nothing to hide,........"not" want you to meet her family, friends and coworkers?

Very simple.  As I have been told by several FSU folks now living in USA, a woman living in a smaller FSU city will be the subject of never ending ridicule if she brings a foreign man to her home town; and they do not later get married.

Offline southernX

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Re: LOOKING FOR LOVE.......IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES................a new approach.
« Reply #19 on: September 30, 2014, 07:27:10 PM »
Very simple.  As I have been told by several FSU folks now living in USA, a woman living in a smaller FSU city will be the subject of never ending ridicule if she brings a foreign man to her home town; and they do not later get married.

bingo ,  ;)

i met my wife in her home city , however she did not advise any of her co workers or boss even some of her family about her search or meeting me etc, some never knew until we had the visa ,

she decided ''she ''was the best judge of what was her future and did not wish to be bothered with everyone elses opinion of her actions & choices or losing her job etc
others in her close family including parents /siblings , i was introduced to ,with them she did want their opinion of me  :)

so it all depends on the woman and how independent her thinking is imo

SX
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Offline GQBlues

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Re: LOOKING FOR LOVE.......IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES................a new approach.
« Reply #20 on: September 30, 2014, 07:30:42 PM »
So, why did you?...

Why do men climb Mt. Everest? Where few triumph and many more failed and died.

Quote
.... You go on and on about how you are "not" the average MOBer, yet you behaved just the same as those who you continue to castigate....

Behave?!? LMAO! I don't offer gifts/money to anyone to get attention from women the way losers like SleepyCat do.

Quote
...I'm happy that you have a supposedly wonderful marriage to your Siberian princess, but WHY did you go chasing her and not just some equally appealing prospect in LA?...

Why do men trek the Alaskan wilderness to fish if they lived in California/Florida? I also spent a great deal of time and had GFs from all over Europe, South America, North America, even Asia...

Quote
....I've asked you this before but surprise, surprise, you couldn't be bothered answering.   Why not?  Are you afraid that everyone else will find out that you really aren't that much different from them after all?...

Oh I know I'm different. MUCH different. Do you honestly think and believe all the women in the MOB are exactly the same too?
« Last Edit: September 30, 2014, 07:45:51 PM by GQBlues »
Quote from: msmob
1. Because of 'man', global warming is causing desert and arid areas to suffer long, dry spell.
2. The 2018 Camp Fire and Woolsey California wildfires are forests burning because of global warming.
3. N95 mask will choke you dead after 30 min. of use.

Offline fathertime

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Re: LOOKING FOR LOVE.......IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES................a new approach.
« Reply #21 on: September 30, 2014, 08:18:10 PM »
If I could go back in time to when I first begin looking internationally, I think I would do it again.  At the time, looking at what I was likely going to pull here in the states, it was and would be the better call to go abroad.  I got to see a few cities in Ukraine, and parts of South America along the way. 


     I look at what my friends all pulled in for wives when they were in their mid 30's and I don't think I'm much different than they are...if anything I had much more baggage then they did as they were all child-free and I wasn't...and I also had a very large forehead working against me at that point!  :)   The friends wives are neither attractive or interesting.  Lightning could have struck for me, but I think going abroad and making something happen was a very good route for me to take at the time.  When I was much younger going abraod wasn't a real consideration, as being around young beautiful women all the time was normal, and the options were very good.     


Fathertime! 
I just happened to be browsing about the internet....

Offline Shadow

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While not being in course with the current searching, I get the idea that the amount of scammer is much lower as it used to be. Perhaps some more individual, but the large scam rings that would drive new victims here almost daily seem to have moved to more lucrative business.
Also women in the FSU have much more possibilities to initiate and keep contact, which makes it so much easier to weed out the bad ones.
Of course it s true that with women having more possibilities to look online for a partner they become more picky, as well as the entitlement issues that are more prevalent in the FSU as in the past. There for the rate of success will not have increased, rather decreased.
No it is not a dog. Its really how I look.  ;)

Offline BillyB

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If I were doing this today I would pick on interesting city. Pick out a few interesting women to make contact with.



I'd do things in a different order. I'd communicate with women all over the world and at home. I'd find an interesting beautiful woman. Then where she's located at, that's the city I'd choose to visit her in even if there's not much to see or do there. I'd bring contact info of a few backup ladies living in that city in case things didn't work out with plan A.


For those new to this endeavor, this is a wonderful opportunity to get it right the second time around. Educating yourself at the forum and using the big head can improve the odds of finding a quality woman from the FSU. If I'm ever single again, I'd definitely keep the FSU option on the table.
Fund the audits, spread the word and educate people, write your politicians and other elected officials. Stay active in the fight to save our country. Over 220 generals and admirals say we are in a fight for our survival like no other time since 1776.

Offline ChickMagnet

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  • Trips: > 10
This process is not rocket science today and it wasn't 11 years ago. In fact, it's easier today. If I was doing this process today, I would find a reputable pay site and obtain the contact info of the lady I was seeking.

Avoid the free sites as that is where the scams can occur when you receive communication with a good looking photo. Pay up on the reputable sites. If you are a tightwad on paying up, stick with WW. Because you should be able to justify your financial situation to the lady your are seeking at some point along the path. She deserves that information. You don't have to be rich just supportive. My wife told me years later that she didn't know I had to make payments on my house. Of course, that's the American way. Very few
normal folks purchase a home without a mortgage.

Unlike 11 years ago, you can use Skype for video chat and Viber for phone with each other (WhatsApp for text and all the above are free). You can't get more personal than that except in person. Then you just talk and eventually make arrangements to visit her city. Spend the money and book the flights and hotel and go for it. It's that easy.

Of course you will need a backup plan or you can just wait for your flight. You can standby on earlier flights with an airline ticket. Have alternate plans in case your plan goes south.

The biggest obstacle I see in the process today is the ability of the lady to speak English. You may have to be creative if she doesn't speak much English. I had to use an interpreter via the phone before I visited her in person. Even after we met in person we used some sign language. If she likes you, you will communicate. And folks that have never experienced this situation may disagree. Trust me, you will communicate.

The rest is left up to the seeker.

Mark




 

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