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Author Topic: What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?  (Read 4669 times)

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Offline I/O

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What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?
« on: August 30, 2007, 09:45:16 AM »
As I see it at this time (Not married), there is three basic areas of cost associated with this pursuit.  (OMB’s please feel free to add areas as you see it) Financial, Emotional and Social costs are the three big ticket items I see right now. I don’t profess to know much about any of these, but I have become aware of their existence and as such I think the freshmen should at least think them over as he “moons” over the pretty photos on the website or in the agency catalogue.

Financial: Have you got 20K up your sleeve at the outset to get this thing close to fruition? In my particular situation, it will cost a lot more than that. Maybe 30K or more by the time we are married. Each situation is somewhat different in how it plays out, but whatever the circumstance, you will be in for several trips, visa processes and relocation expenses.

I can also see, even this far out, that being married to a Russian woman will be substantially more expensive than marrying domestically, at least in the early years.  English language studies, transportation expenses, my personal assistance time (Which may eat into the time I could or would use to generate income), higher short term medical and other insurance costs, visits to Russia and the list goes on.  Exactly what these cost will be is likely to vary from situation to situation, however, anyone starting out should sit down and consider if or not they can in fact “Carry the can” financially. Think about it.

Emotional: Being in a relationship with a Russian woman can be an emotional rollercoaster. The highs can be as nothing you have experienced before, but the flip side is, so can the lows. A distance, international relationship in the first instance (Before marriage) requires a level of trust and patience like no other. To flippantly say, “Ah I can handle that, no worries mate” (As the Aussies would say) is being an ostrich at best.  The hairy chested, I can handle it approach wont help you sleep any better at night, even if it does score you a few points in the bar with your mates.

I would invite the married guys to speak on the emotional nuances of being married to a Russian woman as I can not. For this post, I can only speak from the position of being in an international relationship.  No turkey shoot I can assure the reader. Freshman, please consider this before you cost yourself more than you can afford.

Social: If you think being in an international relationship with a stunning looking, enigmatic foreign woman is going to improve your social status, you are very much mistaken. Sure, there are those who will envy you at a superficial level, but most wont. Most WILL wait for you to crash and burn. Even your closest friends will be suspicious of your/her motives.  She won’t fit into the local social scene as hand in glove, at least not initially.  You will find yourself somewhat socially isolated, at least for a time.

It is most likely that you will lose some friends over your choices. “Ah, who cares, they were not real friends anyway”, is true BUT. Yes there is a, but. Your whole life is going to change dramatically (I can only guess how much for me at this time) and it is not all going to be in a good way.

I’ll leave it to those more experienced than I to expand on this and it is not my intention to persuade anyone regarding how they should think about these matters, but it is my desire to persuade people to think.

I/O 
« Last Edit: August 30, 2007, 09:50:53 AM by I/O »

Offline catzenmouse

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Re: What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?
« Reply #1 on: August 30, 2007, 11:14:13 AM »
There are two good references for this in the FAQ section.

 How much does it cost financially to marry a FSU woman?
 http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?pid=10

-and-

 How much does it cost emotionally to marry a FSU woman?
 http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?pid=14

Both of these really just touch on what the costs are. They also reinforce much of what I/O is talking about.

Ken
"Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal."
-- Louis K. Anspacher

Offline Icarus

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Re: What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2007, 01:26:05 AM »
Some words of wisdoms for sure.

I would like to add another cost; not to kijack, but just my two cents. the Spiritual cost. (yes, flame away).

Ick
I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I come to die, to discover that I had not lived.

Offline catzenmouse

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Re: What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?
« Reply #3 on: August 31, 2007, 04:13:39 AM »
Okay, here's your flame.

Why don't your write something up about what you mean. As long as it is pertaining to FSUW and not a religious rant I think it would have merit.

Ken

P. S. Pretty lame flame huh?

Some words of wisdoms for sure.

I would like to add another cost; not to kijack, but just my two cents. the Spiritual cost. (yes, flame away).

Ick
"Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal."
-- Louis K. Anspacher

Offline Lily

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Re: What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?
« Reply #4 on: August 31, 2007, 04:50:01 AM »

Financial: Have you got 20K up your sleeve at the outset to get this thing close to fruition? In my particular situation, it will cost a lot more than that. Maybe 30K or more by the time we are married. Each situation is somewhat different in how it plays out, but whatever the circumstance, you will be in for several trips, visa processes and relocation expenses.
 

I would be curious to see a split of the expenses, like airtickets costs for each trip, visa application fees, etc. Each situation is of course different, there are almost always the costs that could not necessarily be borne by WM.

One Dutch guy got a calculation that it would cost about 12k Euros to marry a foreign woman  :o
Here are the details, including costs for receipt of the info, postal expenses, etc. I copied it and paste it here for you.

Some words may look familiar like legalization. Sorry my Dutch is not enough to translate everything for you.. :) maybe someone would be so kind to help translating?

 Visas for fiancee to invite her and for her to stay ( MVV and VTV ) - 6000 Euros
Further the figures in Euro are shown in the end.
 
info verkrijgen/ request of info 50
verkrijgen documenten in NL/ documents fees 15
porti eigen documenten 20
telefoonkosten 20
leges 35
reisverzekering / travel insurance120
contact ambassade / contacting the embassy 50
herhaald bezoek ambassade / visit of embassy 60
verkrijgen documenten / receipt of docs 30
smeergeld lokaal / local bribe?  :o 20
legaliseren documenten lokaal 10
legaliseren documenten ambassade 120
verzenden documenten naar je partner / sending docs to the partner 35
 "Inburgering in het buitenland" pakket / info package on becoming a NL resident  65
taalcursus Nederlands / language course 30
Verzendkosten / postal costs 35
onderhoud partner 550
telefoonkosten 50
reis naar de ambassade  /travel to embassy 30
examenkosten  costs of the exam (about 830 Eur - added by Lily)
ambassadebezoek /visit to embassy  60
herhaald bezoek ambassade 60
contact met IND 10
onderhoudskosten partner 450
extra telefoonkosten 300
extra bezoek 800
leges 830
tickets 600
bagage 80
Onderhoud partner 150
VTV leges 188
diplomawaardering 100
derving inkomsten 6000

€ 11.300,-.
inburgeringscursus 435
verblijfsvergunning 188
€ 11.925,- netto
and 21 months further
allegedly taken from www.buitenlandsepartner.nl
 
Da, da, Canada; Nyet, nyet, Soviet!

Offline Todd

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Re: What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?
« Reply #5 on: August 31, 2007, 05:10:01 AM »
I would say that a great deal of this expense would be driven by the place where someone is coming from.
It is much easier and lower cost if one is living in Europe as opposed to the US.  Also, I'm in London this week
for the fourth time this year, and I can't get over that the dollar is still trading at over $2 per pound.  Hotel
rooms are $500 per night, dinners are $75, etc.  Thus, I would expect this process to be much more expensive.

I'm guessing if you are coming from the US that this will cost in the neighborhood of $30-50,000.  The greatest
uncertainty around this cost is ironically the wedding cost in the US as her parents are not likely to be paying.
Without wedding costs, I would estimate that the overall cost would be closer to $30,000 depending on how
smart one is about travel and plane costs and how quickly one finds their special someone.  Remember, at minimum, it is likely that you will be making 4 or 5 trips to the FSU if you are successful.

Todd

Offline I/O

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Re: What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?
« Reply #6 on: August 31, 2007, 05:31:47 AM »
Lily: I've never counted the cost in any fine detail but just as a quick reflection, here is a few rough costs to add together. 

Website membership. Dedicated to her alone, $200
SMS costs    $2-300 before meeting.
Phone calls have been neglegible for us, allow whatever you like.
7 trips (Mostly me to her, but some her to me)
Train from her city to airport $50 each way so $700 +
Round trip tickets average $2500 so $17500
Hotels and stopovers whilst travelling at times $1500 (Approx)
Meals and entertainment whilst together (Not the home meals) $1500-$2500
Gifts and other oddments maybe $1000
Engagement ring...........I am not going to disclose, but think thousands, not hundreds.
Wedding will be fairly small, so perhaps $5000 all told.
Suits, wedding dresses, wedding rings and so forth..........You guess, but probably another $3-4000.

In broad terms, conservatively $35000 Au which is approximately $29000 USD in todays money.  There is a heap of things I have left out of there which I wouldn't even bother to add up.  This is not about counting the cost, but in this thread I wanted to remind guys that the expenses can be substantial and therefore they should address their finances before falling in love with an impossible dream and in the process, jerking some decent woman around also.

I/O

PS $900 in tourist/visitor visa charges I forgot about and $1350 for the SC300 visa (Similar to the USA K-1) and there is more of that to come.  The moment we marry, another $650 to change that visa to a SC309 (Temporary Spouse Visa) then two years down the track there is more.  And..............don't forget she is still living on a Russian passport and a visa, so she has all the same travel issues to other coutries she had whilst she was in Russia. 
« Last Edit: August 31, 2007, 05:37:58 AM by I/O »

Offline Lily

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Re: What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?
« Reply #7 on: August 31, 2007, 06:47:57 AM »
 :o  :o

SMS costs    $2-300 before meeting.
Phone calls have been neglegible for us, allow whatever you like.
 
Meals and entertainment whilst together (Not the home meals) $1500-$2500
Gifts and other oddments maybe $1000
Engagement ring...........I am not going to disclose, but think thousands, not hundreds.
Wedding will be fairly small, so perhaps $5000 all told.
Suits, wedding dresses, wedding rings and so forth..........You guess, but probably another $3-4000.
   

I think the above expenses would also occur in marriage to an AW as well, as they are not necessarily applied to her foreign status. But the visa fees, travel and hotel expenses do count, for sure..

But did your FSU fiancees undertake any expenses on their part, did not they? 
Da, da, Canada; Nyet, nyet, Soviet!

Offline I/O

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Re: What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?
« Reply #8 on: August 31, 2007, 07:32:52 AM »
Lily: Yes you are right, some of these expenses are quite normal whether it be a local relationship or an international relationship.

In my country the bulk of wedding expenses are usually absorbed by the brides family but in my case this wont occur.  The wedding will be in my country and I consider that my responsability.

My finace' has absorbed some minor expenses, however she has been a student for a good deal of the duration of our relationship and as such had only part time work, therefore her income was not exactly huge.  Her family is quite comfortable so to say and they certainly don't live poor. But again, I would never "Put upon" her parents to support aspects of our relationship.

Certainly there is things that could have been done more economically, but at the end of the day, I am not rich by any stretch of the imagination, but I am not destitute either so in the bigger scheme of things, much of this will pale into relative insignificance.

I have never subsidised her telephone or internet expenses nor have I given her quantum sums of money for "Non Us" expenditure. It just doesn't work that way for us. Neither of us have ever wanted nor have we felt any sense of obligation to each other which may have been attributed to finances.  In the event that some unforeseen disaster occurred and we hit the wall, I would never resent a cent of my expenditure. I have enjoyed every step of the way and regardless of the future, I will treasure the memories accumulated thus far anyway.

Money is not a subject I enjoy discussing, however, I raised it in this thread as a reminder to others that they need to be appropriately resourced and aware of the issues.

I/O 

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Re: What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?
« Reply #9 on: August 31, 2007, 07:56:40 AM »
I think the financial cost is going to depend on where you go and who is involved and what type of woman (a lot of variables).  I know mostly men who go to Kiev and Moscow to meet women and generally the girls they meet in Kiev / Moscow want a man to visit them each month.  Not a problem for them as they go there for business, rich, or live in Europe. These guys don't do the letter writing thing and go on blind dates until they meet someone where both parties are interested.  These girls also tend to have higher expectations as they choose who they want to be with - they have many options like the men (a lot of these girls are called scammers but in truth they see the profiles of the men there going to meet and never show up for the meetings because a better man in there eyes comes a long).  So if you going to Kiev / Moscow and want a very attractive young woman based on my experience be willing to spend $100K plus for entire process. You can go cheaper but love should not have a price.  3 years ago women did not have many options as few men where visiting Kiev or Moscow as now. There are always exceptions but stay away from Kiev or Moscow if you can't travel often or don't have the funds.  There are many good girls in Kiev / Moscow.  

These men I know have serious intentions and some of them have their woman living with them in Europe / USA currently.

I can't speak for the smaller cities but have heard a lot less cost.
 

Offline Lily

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Re: What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?
« Reply #10 on: August 31, 2007, 08:32:54 AM »

I can't speak for the smaller cities but have heard a lot less cost.
 

My guess wold be the opposite - the farther her location is from the capital cities, the bigger are the costs, as the transportation gets more expensive and more burdensome.
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Offline Mir

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Re: What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?
« Reply #11 on: August 31, 2007, 08:49:55 AM »
I agree with Lily

Offline Misha

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Re: What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?
« Reply #12 on: August 31, 2007, 11:28:19 AM »
My guess wold be the opposite - the farther her location is from the capital cities, the bigger are the costs, as the transportation gets more expensive and more burdensome.

Especially if the one traveling does not speak Russian and is not willing to spend a day or two on a train. I travel very cheaply within Russia, but I actually like platskarta and have a strong stomach so I can buy all my food from the babushkas on the stops along the way.

Offline Todd

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Re: What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?
« Reply #13 on: August 31, 2007, 12:08:01 PM »
I actually would have to disagree.  Moscow and St. Petersburg are in the top 5 most expensive cities in the world.  Outside of these two cities expenses should be much less.  Of course, if you are a business traveler, using hotel points gives a great deal of bang for the buck in Moscow.

Todd

Offline Todd

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Re: What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?
« Reply #14 on: August 31, 2007, 12:10:06 PM »
Also, given the income disparity, I don't believe that either the woman or a potential bride's family should have to pay anything at any point in the process.  It just isn't right.

Anyone who believes otherwise should not undertake this process and deserves to be  :cluebat:

Todd

Offline Erwin

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Re: What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?
« Reply #15 on: August 31, 2007, 12:24:42 PM »
I was listening to a lovely Russian woman who was very upset as she was trying to compose lyrics to her music on her way back from Moscow to her home town after discovering that the foreign man (she met and spent time with) keeps a spreadsheet on the financial costs to date of getting to know and meeting her and other women; they go like this:

How much will it cost to marry a Russian woman?

How much will it cost to marry a Ukranian woman?

How much will it cost to marry an Chinese woman?

How much will it cost to marry a Vietnamese woman?

How much will it cost to marry a Phillipino woman?

How much will it cost to marry an American woman?

How much will it cost to marry a Canadian woman?

How much will it cost to marry a British woman?

How much will it cost to marry an Irish woman?

How much will it cost to marry a German woman?

How much will it cost to marry a Scandinavian woman?

How much will it cost to marry a native American woman?

How much will it cost to marry a Mexican woman?

How much will it cost to marry a Brazillian woman?

If you only know, how bad you make me feel...if you only know..

I am not a car; I am not a house;

I am not a product that you can compare and choose...

What should the cost be?  What the cost should be before you decide to buy someone's happiness?

I have a kind soul and feeling ... If you only know, how much I truly love you...

But, for your my friend... your pursuit of love ...your pursuit of marriage are being driven by money...by money ...for there is a Visa Card.

For me, your true love for me would have been PRICELESS...it would have been PRICELESS...

Ohhh...if only you know..

Best,

E

Offline Lily

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Re: What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?
« Reply #16 on: August 31, 2007, 10:36:01 PM »
I actually would have to disagree.  Moscow and St. Petersburg are in the top 5 most expensive cities in the world.  Outside of these two cities expenses should be much less.  Of course, if you are a business traveler, using hotel points gives a great deal of bang for the buck in Moscow.

Todd


St Pete probably isn't expensive.

Moscow may be expensive if one does not know where to get the most for your money, and who tend to accept the first deal that is advertized to them. My guess would be that if you travel to your girlfriend or fiancee who lives in Moscow for some time and knows things in her city, she should be able at least to advise you, and may be to spend some time researching market.

But yes, if a Moscow girl believes that the men are here to spend money on her, she would consume you to the end, making you visit the most expensive places in Moscow  :) There are plenty of fancy things here to suck money out of people who are willing to spend.
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Offline Muj

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Re: What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?
« Reply #17 on: September 01, 2007, 12:55:13 AM »
I agree vacations, dating and marriage cost money.  How much more to marry a RW or UW vs an AW?   Cant say.  Vacations with my wife to be in the FSU were wonderful and I expect more.  How much spent otherwise?  Maybe the same.  If you're not enjoying your time, then think twice, not a priority on the money IMHO.

Emotionally, my wife proves no burden, quite the opposite, in comparison to the alternative.  Otherwise think twice.
 
Most men loose the shared interests of single men after marriage.  So some friendships may wane.

Offline Bruce

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Re: What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?
« Reply #18 on: September 01, 2007, 03:38:44 AM »
They are all different.  People who come from nothing tend to make you overspend on things and quickly adopt the keeping up with the Jone's mentality.  People who come from something tend to make you spend legitimately.  Most of them come from nothing and quickly adopt the buy me get me mentality.

Figure at least one trip back to her country every year for you and her / your children to start with no matter who the woman is.  Then it is up to you.  No matter which culture the women is from men and women tend to fight most often over money and prioritization for money. 

My advice, spend little to nothing on her when you are dating ie. poor restaurants at best / little inexpensive gifts well into the relationship.  If you have to expend dollars to impress her the answer is a resounding NEXT!  Character is the most important thing you are searching for and a girl who shows any indication she is into things more than you is a definite no.

That being said, even the most modest sincere girl who comes here from nothing will most probably soon adopt the keeping up with the Jone's philosophy.  It takes years or comming from money to have the self actualization that happiness comes from within and not from without.  It is a very difficult if not impossible concept for a RW to grasp.
"A word is dead when it is said, some say.  I say it just begins to live that day."  Emily Dickinson

Offline Mir

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Re: What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?
« Reply #19 on: September 01, 2007, 03:46:21 AM »
Yes the one who wants to screw you will find ways to do it in any city.
My advice is to spend on her what you like to do yourself.
If you like to go to expensive restaurants in your bachelor life (alone or with friends), take her to similar ones (a meal always tastes better with good company). If you only go to cheap restaurants, then take her to the same.
The point is not to break the bank trying to impress her.

Offline Misha

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Re: What Cost to Marry a Russian Woman?
« Reply #20 on: September 01, 2007, 06:11:36 PM »
Yes the one who wants to screw you will find ways to do it in any city.
My advice is to spend on her what you like to do yourself.
If you like to go to expensive restaurants in your bachelor life (alone or with friends), take her to similar ones (a meal always tastes better with good company). If you only go to cheap restaurants, then take her to the same.
The point is not to break the bank trying to impress her.

I do not think I even went to a decent restaurant with my wife while we were dating in Russia. Once at a cafe and a few small bistros. I bought a few roses and a few bouquets. The most expensive give: a ring for her birthday after we had been dating steadily for two months and seeing each other daily. In the end, I know that she married me for me. I impressed her with my personal qualities.

 

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