Yet another age difference thread

[Serebro]

KenC, I don't mean (only)money or something like that.
When we speak about age gap there can be a lot of reasons and many different details and conditions.
Many girls who look for older/rich men aren't looking for money, they are attracted by the personal qualities that made those people rich-such as-their education, their logic, their being ambitious, their desire to risk and to win, their ability to try something new and never give up, their being optimistic and an interesting partner for the conversation and so on.
At the same time a young and pessimistic alcoholic complaining that all girls are b*tches and they only want guys with money doesn't look that good.
So when we speak about age and other gaps it doesn't work for anyone, there's no special formula for anybody.Like anywhere.

[Ranetka]

Just out of curiosity, was he able to keep up with you when you first married and couldn't after his health problems or was that from the beginning?

You do not understand. He just got OLDER overnight. I woke up this morning and realised I am with an OLD MAN.

[neo]

What, so the 25 year age gap didnt give it away for you before that???

I mean did you maybe not think about trying it on with some of your dads friends to see if they could keep up with you before marrying an old timer?

[jb]

Ranetka,

I think your post is commendable, if nothing else happens it will give a certain young RW food for thought.

[Ranetka]

What, so the 25 year age gap didnt give it away for you before that???

I mean did you maybe not think about trying it on with some of your dads friends to see if they could keep up with you before marrying an old timer?

Gee, I wish I heard this advise before  :DWhere have you been before Neo?

[Serebro]

Ranetka's posts remind me of a story that happened to me in the USA:one day my 39yo employer,his 42 yo american wife, their american employees and I went to a bar to celebrate something. My employer's wife with 2 other people went upstairs to speak with someone and my employer and I stayed together when we saw a couple sitting next to us, that couple was from Scotland, a man and a woman of about 35-40 yo.When they heard us speaking with each other they asked me where I was from and my boss replied that I was from Russia, they nodded smiling and asked:"And you are going to get married?!"

Yeah, I was from Russia, I was 22 and my boss was 39 and the only thing that we could to together was having a date!



And you know...those people knew nothing about me, they didn't know how long I had lived in the USA by that time and if I was a citizen.. I mean even if I had lived in the USA for a long time every time people had seen me with older men providing they had known my nationality they would have thought that we were a couple!

[Turboguy]

You do not understand. He just got OLDER overnight. I woke up this morning and realised I am with an OLD MAN.

Was that the day after you got fitted for contacts?

[Ranetka]

Was that the day after you got fitted for contacts?

They don't say love makes you blind for nothing Turboguy.

I am sure you will look the young stud forever though.

[Turboguy]

Heck, I didn't look like a young stud when I was a young stud.

[mspanky]

 Though  I really like Turbo and vwrw, the only problem I see arrising is with work. If vwrw goes on to the corperate world, this could be great for her,but she will most likely meet a lot of  men she has much in common with. Men she admires and looks up to. Men who can teach her a lot more than she knows now about how to be a success. Successful men in a business suit are always very attractive to the women around. The women who are savvy,smart and beautiful will attract a lot of male attention in her office. Probably why office affairs rate highly as the #1 reason women cheat.

[catzenmouse]

For all you voyeurs here is a picture of Turbo when he was a young stud. Picture was taken in 1875. 

[Zhena]

Great post Ken, it lays it all out there.  Of course as usual, many will only read what they want to read, but those with the maturity to handle a RW will also have the maturity and insight to see the truths of what you have said.  We like to think we are all unique, but as you said, unique is not all that common.

My wife is 15 years younger than me, not really over the edge as far as age gaps go but pushing the envelope in my thinking, but it's me that wants to go out clubbing and my wife that prefers to sit at home.  Maybe I should have found someone younger. 

Haha...same with us My husband just loves to go out-and me not so much. I suppose he is suffering sometimes

[Zhena]

You do not understand. He just got OLDER overnight. I woke up this morning and realised I am with an OLD MAN.

Ranetka....I am sorry...
I try to understand you and not to blame you. I suppose the reason of your marrying him. Still I try not to blame you-you might have a hard life,blah-blah-blah. It happens. But one I see for sure-you never loved him,really. You was grateful maybe in response in his love to you-but yourself,you never ever loved him. Cos if you would do-his getting older overnight wouldnt scare you so much. You always care about those who you love,no matter what.
From this,I can make just one conclusion-make sure there is a mutual love before to marry someone.

[Zhena]

Ranetkas story made me think...about other variants of life scenario. You know,this is a tragedy if you finding out one day that your life partner is not going to support you in any situation.  What if you,being a young healthy woman,never knowing a luck of attention and absolutely sure about tomorrow-what if one day you happen to get in the accident and be paralysed for the rest of your life?... And your old husband,looking at this,deciding that he doesnt need such a problem in his life? Scary and sad.

[Patrick]

Zhena, I like your style. Calling a spade a spade when most everyone else is enjoying what she is saying. LOL Gotta Love It !!! Cheers Patrick

[Turboguy]

I think you answered the question in your last post in the one before it.  Make sure you have mutual love and it is not going to be a problem.

[Eastguy]

Ken awesome post, Cant help adding ym 2 cents just for fun

Do you really want a wife that young?

yes, since she can have many more kids than a woman close my age , 40 ( she is 20) which is a big part of what I am looking for

 Are you strong enough to take the potential flack from strangers or even friends and family members? 

Yes being very much a non conformist in everything,.. preps you for that, if you are  mainstreamer kind of guy then its a problem.

 Just how many quiet nights at home can she take?  Just how many late nights clubbing can you take?  Are you prepared to have children at an advanced age? 
There will be many nights out. I love to go clubbing.

Maybe the age difference is OK now, but what about when you are 65 and she is still in her 40’s?  How about 75?  80?

it's all about staying in shape..[

Are you the jealous type? 
no


Are you confident enough to not be wrought with jealousy when younger men are drooling over your young wife? 

I love that, tells me I made the right choice,.. and if they get too uppity gives me a chance to show her i can still kick their asses even tho I am twice thier age, which may tell her she made the right choice

How great will you look in the eyes of others when you cannot keep that young wife for longer than it takes her to get her green card? 

Like a fool, but it will have been worth it, if the prenup holds up



What's it all mean? 

Life is hard. might as well enjoy it.

[Misha]

I think you answered the question in your last post in the one before it.  Make sure you have mutual love and it is not going to be a problem.

Well, if mutual love solved everything, many divorce lawyers would be flipping burgers :-) Sorry to be cynical, but I am sure that many (most) people who get married do believe that they are in love and will always be in love. Yet, close to half of all marriages will end in divorce in spite of the love they shared at the beginning.

[Turboguy]

I don't question that they believe they are in love when they get married but are they really in love or are they really in lust. 

I recall one gal telling me she got married because she wanted to get out of Kane PA,  She ended up in Erie Pa which is not much better than Gary Indiana.    I have seen people marry for health benefits.  My guess is that a lot of people who get divorced do so because they made a bad choice of who to marry.

[mspanky]

Zhena,

 I understand what you are saying, but we are talking about a marriage here. Love is supposed to be forever. But how many men here can say that our wife's aging would be what makes us leave in the first place? Many men leave because we want a younger model than the young one we already have!!!
 How many men here could even love a woman old enough to be mother or grandmother? How many men will stay with a wife if she gained 200lbs or became sick? They may stay, but you'd better believe a majority would have a little missy on the side if he could.


  As for being a burden, I love my parents. I will do all I can for them if they get ill.but will most children do that? Even with that, I would still be able to enjoy sexual pleasures and a relationship with someone who I can fall back on when things get too tough. I think it's harsh to judge someone who cannot handle a burden and say they cannot love. One of my cousins has an autistic son,she has refused to put him on medication or let him live in a home because she loves him and she alone should take care of him. The boy is now growing up and after puberty is getting violent but still no medication. She has not had a vacation forever. Her husband ignored. The other child,ignored.she puts all her energy in the child and has gone through severe depression. A lot of people faced with being caretaker at a young age will become depressed with the burden.

   I have a friend who has also the same situation. He and his wife are divorced. The child was loved, but they did not stop living as they both had numerous family members to help out. The son just turned 18 and is in a home. The wife is back at work and he has never stopped. they are both sane. But they had a tremendous amount of help and each had the week or weekend off from being sole caretaker.

 He is remarried but has no other child. But he has support. Many would put him down for putting his child in a home, but can I say he SHOULD carry the burden,otherwise he does not love his child???

[Jet]

IMHO I think a few of you guys are being a little too hard on Ranetka. It took a lot of guts to post her story, and I applaud that.
I recall when my Dad had his heart attack back in 2002. My Mom was absolutely scared sh!tless, and they had been happily married 39 yrs at that point, so I'm not really buying into the "she didn't really ever love him" stuff. My Dad has since made a full recovery and is probably more active now at 73 than he was before the attack, which is a good thing as some health problems are not so forgiving, but the road between hospital release and today was a very long and hard one for BOTH of my parents. I remember my Mom sinking into depression and complaining "Everybody is always asking about your Father. Your Father is just fine, couldn't be better. I'm a G-D train wreck and nobody gives a flying f*ck about me!" (and yes she did/does use that kind of language, even at 70  ) These outbursts also had no relevance to whether she loved my Dad or not, and FWIW there is only a 3 yr age difference between them.

Medical problems can suck the "love" out of a relationship just as easy as financial problems, substance abuse problems, or any number of other problems. I think most are serious when they say "for better or worse", they just can't always comprehend how much worse the "worse" part can really get. I also think that the amount of "worse" a couple can handle grows with the length of the marriage. I think if my little story above had taken place in 1967 instead of 2002, it might have a very different ending (and again, this has little to do with age difference).

Anyway, rant mode off, thanks for posting Ranetka and I hope the adversarial types don't scare you back into "just reading for amusement" 
Welcome to the board,
Jet

[KenC]

Yes I loved him, still do, just not enough, I suppose. And yes, we did feel like we could overcome all problems and nothing would be matter. And we both lost 5 years of our life with both our clocks ticking fast. I consider this marriage the biggest mistake, so does he. Although we had loads of great time together I would have not done it again.

Turbo & VWRW,
Read this over and over again please.
KenC

[FSUrookie]

OK, now I have to jump in here..... Great Forum topic, and I will elaborate more on my situation in another post. My crazy story and my relations with my awesome fiancee may be coming to an end soon, but not because of our age difference, but because her mom is very possessive of her, and she now wants to live in Germany, by Mom's Orders!. Anyway, another thread for my story. But here goes, as posted before by others, EACH SITUATION IS UNIQUE! Genetics, eating habits, fitness habits, drinking / smoking habits all play a key role too... A few of the regulars on here know a lot more about me and my situation, but now, take a look at a recent photo of me and my fiancee (maybe soon former fiancee - from engagement day in April 2007) and guess our age difference. (those that know me from off forum no fair giving it away) .... Check out the picture of me and Maria, and take a stab.... Some say we are very close in age. Some say we look like brother and sister. Some say a few years difference. Some say 10 years difference. What do you think? I'll post more about me later....

[KenC]

OK, now I have to jump in here..... Great Forum topic, and I will elaborate more on my situation in another post. My crazy story and my relations with my awesome fiancee may be coming to an end soon, but not because of our age difference, but because her mom is very possessive of her, and she now wants to live in Germany, by Mom's Orders!. Anyway, another thread for my story. But here goes, as posted before by others, EACH SITUATION IS UNIQUE! Genetics, eating habits, fitness habits, drinking / smoking habits all play a key role too... A few of the regulars on here know a lot more about me and my situation, but now, take a look at a recent photo of me and my fiancee (maybe soon former fiancee - from engagement day in April 2007) and guess our age difference. (those that know me from off forum no fair giving it away) .... Check out the picture of me and Maria, and take a stab.... Some say we are very close in age. Some say we look like brother and sister. Some say a few years difference. Some say 10 years difference. What do you think? I'll post more about me later....

18 to 20 year difference
KenC

[KenC]

Quote from: KenC on Yesterday at 06:22:31 PM

Ken awesome post, Cant help adding ym 2 cents just for fun

Do you really want a wife that young?

yes, since she can have many more kids than a woman close my age , 40 ( she is 20) which is a big part of what I am looking for

 Are you strong enough to take the potential flack from strangers or even friends and family members? 

Yes being very much a non conformist in everything,.. preps you for that, if you are  mainstreamer kind of guy then its a problem.

 Just how many quiet nights at home can she take?  Just how many late nights clubbing can you take?  Are you prepared to have children at an advanced age?
There will be many nights out. I love to go clubbing.

Maybe the age difference is OK now, but what about when you are 65 and she is still in her 40’s?  How about 75?  80?

it's all about staying in shape..[

Are you the jealous type? 
no


Are you confident enough to not be wrought with jealousy when younger men are drooling over your young wife?

I love that, tells me I made the right choice,.. and if they get too uppity gives me a chance to show her i can still kick their asses even tho I am twice thier age, which may tell her she made the right choice

How great will you look in the eyes of others when you cannot keep that young wife for longer than it takes her to get her green card?

Like a fool, but it will have been worth it, if the prenup holds up



What's it all mean?

Life is hard. might as well enjoy it.

Thanks man!  I am glad you enjoyed it but more happy that it made you think about things.  My purpose was to help newbies with the thought process before they took the leap.
KenC