Yet another age difference thread

[DizzyD]

OK, now I have to jump in here..... Great Forum topic, and I will elaborate more on my situation in another post. My crazy story and my relations with my awesome fiancee may be coming to an end soon, but not because of our age difference, but because her mom is very possessive of her, and she now wants to live in Germany, by Mom's Orders!. Anyway, another thread for my story. But here goes, as posted before by others, EACH SITUATION IS UNIQUE! Genetics, eating habits, fitness habits, drinking / smoking habits all play a key role too... A few of the regulars on here know a lot more about me and my situation, but now, take a look at a recent photo of me and my fiancee (maybe soon former fiancee - from engagement day in April 2007) and guess our age difference. (those that know me from off forum no fair giving it away) .... Check out the picture of me and Maria, and take a stab.... Some say we are very close in age. Some say we look like brother and sister. Some say a few years difference. Some say 10 years difference. What do you think? I'll post more about me later....

Ok I'll take  crack at it...14 years..

DD

[KenC]

Ok, the reasons why I asked.. I doubt that Lena would like to meet you and more important you had something in common to discuss when you met her if you were a fat 50yo truck-driver spending your week-end eating pop-corn and watching TV in a tiny dirty apartment.

Serebro,
Yes there is more to a person's dynamics other than age and wealth.  Lena was never lacking for men vying for her attention.  Most were younger and some were very wealthy, but this ol man had some good moves too!
KenC

[Jet]

Like KenC (and I didn't peek at his answer) I'd guess about 18 yrs - somewhere in the neighborhood of 38-20 / 40-22

[FSUrookie]

A few more photos.... NO correct guesses yet....

[DizzyD]

Ah HA...! those are better pictures... my guess update: 22 years....? am i getting warmer....?

DD

[Lily]

FSUrookie, you have very good pictures, and you two look as a great match together. 

I used to be very bad at guessing a person's age. I just don't understand the point of doing it. Why should we? 

It looks to me that the posters will just pick up arbitrary age figures that have not been mentioned so far, and someone would eventually be right.

[FSUrookie]

Hello to all.... And thanks Lily for the nice comments and to others I have PM off-board.... Some great advice on here... Has been very helpful to me....
Anyway, This past week has been a rough one for me.....
Yes, me and Maria were a great match....
I have nothing bad about her to say...
Unfortunately, her youth and along with her mother's very strong influence (maybe control) of her daughter may be our downfall.... long story (I'll post another time).
After being together for almost a year, and engaged since April 2007, out of nowhere she tells me that her mom wants her family to live in Germany (where they have family presently) Maria told me that she must honor her mom's words (orders).
But like I said, the relationship has been awesome.... Best girl I ever knew at any age.... But, life goes on and we all have our match out there somewhere.....
Oh, the age difference..... She is 19 and I am 41.....

[mspanky]

 I guessed her age on the dot! But I thought you were between 35-37. So I would have said 16-18 years difference.

[Jazzyclassy]

sorry  to say this but I remember you posted something a way back  here and I thought what a not equal  couple as you posted your pic already as your avatar ,  such an age gap is ridiculous it is complitely without brains , I mean how she ever took the ring from you if she knew she is going to live in Germany and has no intentions to be with you in the future. It was an obvious caprice of a silly young girl of 19  to boast in front of her friends -look I caught such a rich so called mature american , just playing around with him and a guy of 41 just wanted to boast with a young girlfriend, do you seriously thought she loved you ever?  I am in shock of this world it is going crazy, nuts and people do not look inside their souls they are fascinated by money , luxury , hot appearance and that's it they do not need soul , they are captured by the golden calf, nothing really matters to them

as I already told here guys tend to give example of successful marriages with huge age gaps , when the guys are totally rich , they never ever posted any example when 19 y.o girl would care and would be deeply in love with the simple postman who is riding bicycle and lives in 1 room appartment and drinks beer and watches telly every evening like  he has nothing to do else, like Serebro noted as well.

Money and position are the main reasons those girls marry old people,  Ranetkas' story is another example of that, as she told she got her passport already in western country I do not know where as she never pointed out which  , so as soon as she was annoyed by her old husband and moreover he started to have health problems she just dumped him , absolutely obvious result of such marriage. No love , no commitment just escaping from her homeland searching for a better life..... nothing else I can say for the justification of her actions and you guys are applauding her   , saying oi you need to have guts to say this , oh my God , the girls who do such things -marry old farts and then dump them when they are close to their death - are honest angels for you , when the people who from the start tell the things about age gap being a trap and disaster - you scold them complitely and when a scammer will approach you I wonder will you applaud her???

you are contradicting yourself , guys , that means you want to be used, yourselves and keep searching for young trophees as your wives, but will it be for a long time?

I am an optimist and I hope that such mess with age gaps will be over, am sick and tired of those people who  bring down  those who strive for a normal family , for normal relations between  the people of the same age. Maybe they can not attract the women of their age and it is easier for them to buy a young silly wives just  to have one.

Yes maybe, there are exlusive types of marriages with age gaps I am not denying them, I know few of them to be successful , but then again they also had issues and problems , anyway  I think people  here  got caught in an endless loop about this matter.

I also would like to agree with Zhena as she pointed that if there is mutual love people can get over many problems, and that Ranetka did not love her husband ever.

It is all very sad

[mspanky]

The 19 year old is very pretty. But it is disturbing to see her expression as he put the ring on her finger. Though I know they were posing for a picture she did not look happy. In fact she really looks just like a child going through the movements.  FRookie, you can do so much better. You can get a woman who'se eyes and face light up at your mere presence. Not a girl. You look like the sort of man most woman would be very happy to be with. Have you noticed our local beautiful moderator Lily? Now ther's a real woman with a beautiful smile!!!

[FSUrookie]

Thanks mspanky for the comments.....
I see what you are saying....
Yes, Lily also seems like a very nice lady.....

[Ranetka]

things -marry old farts and then dump them when they are close to their death - are honest angels for you , when the people who from the start tell the things about age gap being a trap and disaster - you scold them complitely and when a scammer will approach you I wonder will you applaud her???

I also would like to agree with Zhena as she pointed that if there is mutual love people can get over many problems, and that Ranetka did not love her husband ever.

It is all very sad

This is the kind of attitude I had to deal with on a daily basis. No matter what people will assume it's the money (what money? I had to work harder than ever, often paid more than 50 % of bills) and passport (again I did not have immigration issues for a year when I left).

[Jazzyclassy]

This is the kind of attitude I had to deal with on a daily basis. No matter what people will assume it's the money (what money? I had to work harder than ever, often paid more than 50 % of bills) and passport (again I did not have immigration issues for a year when I left).

What do you expect people to say? to say how great you are,  I do not understand why you ever spoke up about  your story here, waiting for people to say  wow it takes gut to share this, look around and see how many people are suffering from such people like you , I am not ashamed of my attitude , cos of such people like you I was refused with visa 2 times, who are playing , who are doing things on their own purposes and aims, why you ever married such old guy if you knew you would not tolerate him getting older and older?

personally I do not understand it at all

why can not you accept the other opinion about your situation, you came to a public forum , you knew that reaction will be different on your story , why you ever told it here then , if you can not read  something which criticises you

[Jazzyclassy]

And why you , Ranetka , posted yourself as a victim here?

[Blues Fairy]

I am not ashamed of my attitude , cos of such people like you I was refused with visa 2 times

??? ??? ???

Just what does Ranetka have to do with YOUR visa troubles when she expressly states she DID NOT marry for immigration and was not part of the GC girls statistic?  Can you read English?

[Bluebell]

People get divorced all over the world, for various reasons, but if a RW gets divorced from his American (or Western husband),  she is already accused of not marrying for love.

Ranetka, I am glad that you posted your story, it is very educative.

Jazzy, it's cute what you are saying and at your age one doesn't even expect less from you, but things are never that simple and transparent as you present them (or expect to be).  Reasons for falling in love and staying in a relationship are as many as people in the world, one cannot know and understand each. If Ranetka says she loved her ex-husband, I see no reason to question that. She is just supporting with her honest post what so many others are trying to tell, that large age gap marriages not always work out.

KenC and Ranetka, what was your most unpleasant or difficult thing in your marriage with large age gap to overcome? Except scornful looks and not being invited by friends. I would ask this question from Turboguy and VWRW too but they seem to live in paradise, no such things in their life.

Ranetka, if you don't mind, could you tell us more about how you met your husband and what made accept his marriage proposal? How your family reacted and how this marriage changed your own opinion about yourself? Or how did it influence your development as an individual? Does this marriage have any negative impact on your today life? Have you ever felt ashamed for being married to a nearly 60 years old man at a bare age of 30 something? (Not that you should have felt, please do not misunderstand, but I can imagine that some regard it as a shameful act...see our Jazzy).
These are all very personal questions, I will understand if you don't want to reply. Though if you reply, I suspect we will get very honest answers.

[Jazzyclassy]

??? ??? ???

Just what does Ranetka have to do with YOUR visa troubles when she expressly states she DID NOT marry for immigration and was not part of the GC girls statistic?  Can you read English?

do you honestly believe what you said yourself here, I can read english just like you read it

how can you prove she was not GC girl and did not marry him for immigration, how can you be sure of that?

[Bluebell]

do you honestly believe what you said yourself here, I can read english just like you read it

how can you prove she was not GC girl and did not marry him for immigration, how can you be sure of that?

Jazzy, but how can you be so sure that she is a GCG? Just because she is RW???

Please, Jazzy, I know marriages between Western people with such age gaps, even more, whose marriages work and are together. I know marriages from at home with these aga gaps, they are still together, and seemingly happier than many other couples.

We don't know anything about Ranetka and her husband, just that she is Russian and her husband American. So who is full of prejudices now, Jazzy?

[Jazzyclassy]

People get divorced all over the world, for various reasons, but if a RW gets divorced from his American (or Western husband),  she is already accused of not marrying for love.

Ranetka, I am glad that you posted your story, it is very educative.

Jazzy, it's cute what you are saying and at your age one doesn't even expect less from you, but things are never that simple and transparent as you present them (or expect to be).  Reasons for falling in love and staying in a relationship are as many as people in the world, one cannot know and understand each. If Ranetka says she loved her ex-husband, I see no reason to question that. She is just supporting with her honest post what so many others are trying to tell, that large age gap marriages not always work out.

KenC and Ranetka, what was your most unpleasant or difficult thing in your marriage with large age gap to overcome? Except scornful looks and not being invited by friends. I would ask this question from Turboguy and VWRW too but they seem to live in paradise, no such things in their life.

Ranetka, if you don't mind, could you tell us more about how you met your husband and what made accept his marriage proposal? How your family reacted and how this marriage changed your own opinion about yourself? Or how did it influence your development as an individual? Does this marriage have any negative impact on your today life? Have you ever felt ashamed for being married to a nearly 60 years old man at a bare age of 30 something? (Not that you should have felt, please do not misunderstand, but I can imagine that some regard it as a shameful act...see our Jazzy).
These are all very personal questions, I will understand if you don't want to reply. Though if you reply, I suspect we will get very honest answers.

Blue bell I understand you , I might be a bit wrong with taking it so close to my heart and be emotional about this topic, I should not have be agressive with Ranetka, but what am saying people can not get here, I probably can not express my opinion well  , I guess, maybe

ok the thing is that it is really interesting how she ever met him and under which circumstances she married him?

[Blues Fairy]

how can you prove she was not GC girl and did not marry him for immigration, how can you be sure of that?

How can one ever prove to you that one's not a camel, Jazzy?

[Jazzyclassy]

Jazzy, but how can you be so sure that she is a GCG? Just because she is RW???

Please, Jazzy, I know marriages between Western people with such age gaps, even more, whose marriages work and are together. I know marriages from at home with these aga gaps, they are still together, and seemingly happier than many other couples.

We don't know anything about Ranetka and her husband, just that she is Russian and her husband American. So who is full of prejudices now, Jazzy?

The thing that we had so many stories and situations here when girls were acting like that, I am not judging her, I just asked why she portraited herself as a victim here when it was her who left her old husband, if there was love why it faded away after 4 years of marriage? you think  that real love fades away ever or fades away so fast ?

[Jazzyclassy]

Blues fairy, please relax for some reason you hate me,  i'll leave you to that , do not want to develop you so called " love" towards me,

you know nobody knows things about Ranetka , none of us actually can  declaire anything , if she is CG girl or innocent woman , who traped herself in the marriage with old man,

so I think I need to apologise before her , for claiming her anything, but you also can not tell that she is so innocent , as none of us know that for sure

[Shadow]

Thanks mspanky for the comments.....
I see what you are saying....
Yes, Lily also seems like a very nice lady.....

FSURookie, after seing the pictures, I do not see the two of you as loving couple. Not only her expression, but yours as well seems to show more 'acceptance' as 'love'.

To Ranetka, marrying a man you love can never be the biggest mistake you ever made. You even say that you still love him, but just could not bear the difference that age gaps can bring. Calculating back, you were 30 or 31 when you married him. Was he your first husband or did you have a prior divorce ? And what went wrong the first time ?

To Jazzy, look around and you see that not every age gap is a deal breaker. The biggest deal breakers are quck decisions, where prior to marriage people do not spend a lot of time to get to know each other, or think that things will change after marrying. People do not change, and if you find out after marriage, the only way out is divorce. This is why a lot of communication and spending time together before marriage is a good thing.

To Bluebell: Nice to see the Luxemburg flag  How is Coco ?

[Bluebell]

To Bluebell: Nice to see the Luxemburg flag  How is Coco ?

Hi Shadow  Thank you for asking, Coco is fine but busy like always, now after holidays, even busier than usually. Kind regards to you and Mila 

[Jet]

 or innocent woman , who traped herself in the marriage with old man,

Jazzy,
It is understood that in youth, one is supposed to be passionate and idealistic. Trust me, that will become tempered with age and life experience. I don't see Ranetka fishing for sympathy here. I see her trying to warn others that even though they may be very sure of themselves at the start, things can happen which are beyond anyone's control, to remove that confidence. It is obviously a painful experience for her, which in itself makes the GreenCardGirl scenario highly unlikely. If she was a GCG, her advice would likely center around the immigration aspects if she spoke up at all. She has stated quite clearly that the GC was not a factor at all, and I believe that.

I don't see any signs of "victim" mentality in her posts. I see a woman who has the courage to admit she made a mistake, trying to warn others so they will learn from it before they end up enduring the pain she is. How can one ridicule that? Isn't that the whole idea of these forums? Isn't the idea here at RWD for people with experience to help others who have little or none? Would you prefer to learn how to avoid pain and suffering, or to blindly make mistakes that are easily avoided?