Tribute to Doug Salem - R.I.P.

[Admin]

It appears he passed away in late January. Am unsure of the cause of death.

If anyone has any other information, please let us know.

R.I.P Doug.

- Dan

[Gator]

What a shame!

Is this the same California man married to the dark haired Olga?

He was mentoring her entry into the business of finding RW for men.

If the same man, he was not that old.  And physically fit - still surfing in California.

Shocking!

[Admin]

What a shame!

Is this the same California man married to the dark haired Olga?

He was mentoring her entry into the business of finding RW for men.

If the same man, he was not that old.  And physically fit - still surfing in California.

Shocking!

50 years old, and by all accounts, in good health. Yet, he died unexpectedly while on a business trip.

Yes, he leaves behind Olga and their 3-year-old daughter Lana.

I'd spoken to Doug several times on the telephone - and exchanged numerous email messages with him. He was a passionate and talented man. Most memorable was his love for his daughter.

I am really taken aback by the news.

- Dan

[Admin]

For anyone interested, donations to a college fund for Lana may be made as follows:

Checks may be made payable to:
USAA College Savings Plan/505800609-01 (on Memo line please write “for the benefit of 505800609-01″) and mail to:
USAA College Savings Plan
P.O. Box 55354
Boston, MA 02205

[BC]

http://barrymorris.net/bidding-farewell-to-a-friend-and-mentor

Another reminder that every day is priceless.

[groovlstk]

Such horrible, horrible news. I didn't know Doug outside of his posts here, but he obviously had a ferocious intelligence and deep passion for his family.

The selfish voice in me says, if someone who took such care to keep himself fit for his wife and daughter, what chance do the rest of us have?

[Makkin]

  Sad news.....

   The chance we have is to live like there is no tommorow and still show the act's of kindness as I'm sure he did as noted by the admin here.

  Makkin

[Patrick]

Oh My, This is bad news. Doug helped me out on two occasions . He was my pal and we had spoken of a visit here in DC when they came out this way.

[Admin]

Such horrible, horrible news. I didn't know Doug outside of his posts here, but he obviously had a ferocious intelligence and deep passion for his family.

The selfish voice in me says, if someone who took such care to keep himself fit for his wife and daughter, what chance do the rest of us have?

None. We have no chance. Nobody gets out alive.

BUT - one hopes to be able to spend significant time with our children and spouse. Doug obviously loved both Olga and Lana enormously. My heart hurts for their loss.

I've been thinking about it constantly since learning the news. It keep intruding into my thoughts even when I am supposed to be focused on other matters. It is nearly a month since Doug died on January 22nd. Still, having just learned of it, the news is a bit staggering.

Doug had an incredible gift. I mentioned it to him privately, and also publicly here at RWD. His gift of written communication was remarkable. His passion for life and his chosen pursuits - and for his family - were evident from first contact with Doug.

He hasn't participated much here at RWD for some time, but I will still miss him.

- Dan

[Gator]

I Googled “Doug Salem” and at the top was “Doug Salem RIP."  Surprisingly, it was not about Doug’s early death.  No, it was an acrimonious attack on Doug, accusing him of behavior opposite of what Dan and others say about Doug based on personal knowledge.

That poster can not retract his ugly words.  Even if he could, the pain was already done.  It reminds me to withhold criticism of others unless I have stood in their shoes.

It is sad that this is all that I could find on Doug.  So I would appreciate if those who knew more about him would say something that would celebrate, however modest, his life.

I never talked with Doug and know him only from his posts.  He was an excellent writer and shared many stories, all enjoyable and insightful reads.   One was an animated account of teaching Olga how to drive.  It was horrifying as well as hilarious, featuring if I recall correctly, Olga jumping the curb at a mall and landscaping the bushes.  He gave a lot of his time to write the story, and it was done in the spirit of sharing a tense yet fervent moment most married men have faced.

[jinx]

 Doug was the first person from a forum to pick up a phone and call me, he wanted to talk like regular guys, and not just posts in a forum. He took time out to warn me of the pitfalls of forums like these, and how we can get caught up in them, and there is no point in arguing with certain people, they will never see your point of view, he was right about that, and many other things too.

 Doug was very opinionated as many know, and a little stubborn, but no one can deny he was a great storyteller...it was easy to get caught up in his writings, to picture the things that he has seen, his descriptions and attention to detail were incredible, you were transported to Ukraine for a trip report, or just caught up in his daily life, like his driving lessons with Olga, or conversations with his daughter, he let us into his life, he wasn't afraid to have it all out there for the whole net to see. He even used his real name when posting, how many people here do you know their last name?

 I met Doug in real life finally just 2 months ago. He lived nearby in Folsom, and commuted down to Watsonville a couple times a week...he decided to stop by my shop and say hello, and he did! We chatted for a couple of hours, he got to meet my girlfriend Nataly who is from Ukraine like his wife. He was in full storytelling mode, he talks in real life, the same as he writes...slow and deliberate, thinks about what he is saying and with great attention to detail. He was telling about some of the problems he has with his in-laws, how they care for Lana (his daughter) when they visit, and the differences in their cultural attitude toward child rearing. He had us laughing, and yet having serious discussions about the subject....Nataly was defending Olga's parents (of course) and I was trying to see both sides of the issue. It was forum dialogue brought to life, not written on a page. He liked to stir up those kinds of emotions in people and get them talking....whether you agreed with him or not, it didn't matter, Doug enjoyed those debates....as many of us do in these forums.

 I didn't know Doug well enough, but I will miss him. We were going to meet with he and Olga in San Francisco, but I got busy with the holidays, and he was busy with work too. I was wondering what happened with him, and today I found out like the rest of you...and like Dan, I can't stop thinking about it...Nataly and I keep thinking about 3 year old Lana, and his now widowed young wife, it's all too sad.

 The one thing I do know is that Doug was really happy at this time in his life, he loved his job, he had a great house, with dacha like fruits & vegetables growing out back  and he couldn't stop talking about his daughter, he was so proud of her, and loved her so much. Olga was always in his thoughts too, and he was happy that she had chosen a career that she would enjoy, and was taking steps to make it happen.

 Things were going great...and now he is gone too soon, but his memory will live on...we'll miss you Doug.  - David (formerly jinx13 here)

[jinx]

Doug's introduction, for those that didn't know him:

 Privyet

I'm new to this board. I have been on others in the past, but dormant for over a year now. Some of you probably know me.

As a minimum I can say I know DonAZ, Manchester, Maxx, Wesley Spence and BWS on this group.

I am Doug Salem; married to Olga, from Krivoy Rog, Ukraine eight years this coming February.

This is my second marriage; Olga's first.

We have a little girl named Lana. She will be three this January.

I had no children from my previous marriage; and Olga had no children either.

Little Lana is the first and only for both of us; and of course, our pride and joy.

Olga will be 30 in May of 2008; I will turn 50 in just over a week.

I will put up some recent photos if I can figure out where and how to do that.

My first marriage was to an American woman from the Deep South and lasted seven years.

I stayed single for 12 years between marriages.

I was 41 when I set out on my quest to find Olga.

We have made some important changes since I last went online.

The new me hides behind the mysterious-but-meaningful pseudonym – “Late Takeoff, which was my style as a surfer, and ended up being how my life played out.

I still work as a marketing executive in the engineering and construction and Defense industries. But I hung up my private consulting practice shortly after Lana was born.

I took a full-time position with a big corporation so I could be home for dinner and FAMILY every night.

This necessitated our moving from our beloved Southern California to Northern California.

Olga closed down her little business and Yahoo Group - "GoEastNow," and "Ask Olga and Friends," respectively.

Although we felt Ask Olga and Friends made a difference, GoEastNow was thankless, unprofitable, and demeaning.

Olga gave up on parlaying her two Ukrainian degrees into a career here in the U.S., and effort that seemed equally futile.

Instead, she has decided to fall back on her true strengths, which are people-skills, creativity, and fashion. She is studying to get her license to cut hair. I know she will be very successful at it. Make way for Salon Olga.

We are very, very happy with our little family. (We also have a black Lab, Shadow, who has been with us for six of our eight years.) We have, as they said in the hundred or so marriage agency profiles I so naively perused way back in 1998 (including Olga’s) – a COZY HOME and a STRONG FAMILY.

Yes, here we are cozy and strong, but getting here was much different than I ever imagined.

In light of changes I described, and a surprising new insight brought about by the birth of our child, my approach to, and presence on, the Internet should be much different than what you have seen in the past.

The new insight I speak of is not that schmaltzy “kids-change-the-way-you-look-at-the-world’ stuff you may be thinking it is. It’s about the huge cultural abyss that lies, and always will lie, between me and my Russian wife. How understanding and bridging that treacherous and ever-present drop-off is crucial to the happiness that eludes most in this endeavor.

My opinions and convictions about the RW-WM issue are basically the same. That may disappoint or alienate some of you. That is one thing I can not change. They are not exactly what the popular majority on these kinds of groups want to hear, and they are definitely not what a “marriage agency,” owner wants somebody like me to say.

But I think I will be able to express those opinions and convictions differently now; and that should soften things a bit and make my information more useful.

And again, there is the new information and insight, which continues to surprise and enlighten me. I think it may be time to let some of that out of my head. Perhaps that is why I joined.

 

[AkMike]

He'll be missed.
 A long time ago he took the time to help me with a small question. No big deal but I appreciated him for it. Olga does/did have a group chat on Yahoo. Both are good people..

[Son of Clyde]

Dan, I hope you will let me post this in spite of my differences with Doug.
I had spoken to Doug and Olga a dozen or more times and Olga had done some interpreting for me. We were at odds because they had reservations about my wife and some problems they thought might get in the way of her being able to obtain a visa. I did not dislike Doug, I just disagreed with him on this one issue.

I made this post on another board:

Doug and I had some fights and misunderstandings on and off the boards.
He was a bit like me and could be defensive and even explosive at times.
Even though we did not see eye to eye I am still very sorry to read about his passing. Doug helped me in the early days to find a reputable marriage agency where he met Olga and I met Iryna. You can never know what is going on personally in someone's life because there are certain things we all keep inside. There may have been more to the story (health issues) that we or even Doug may not have been aware of. Life is precious, live it to the fullest, enjoy what God has given you. Doug died way too young but he had much to be proud of. He had a marriage that survived the test of time and a child. He had what every man wishes for, a good family and dedicated friends. What I am trying to say is that Doug had a full life and was very proud of his family. I am very sorry to hear this sad news.
 

[Admin]

Folks, I moved this topic to the 'Married' forum, renamed it to be a permanent Tribute to Doug, and set it as a "Sticky" topic.

Please feel free to share your experiences with Doug and your feelings about his passing.

As I stated yesterday, I will miss him - though not nearly as much as his lovely wife Olga and beautiful daughter Lana.

Please keep them in your prayers.

- Dan

[Shadow]

I would dispute Doug's view on backup plans, altough admitted that Olga was thinking the same way which made it a good match.
His knowledge and almost always entertaining posts made him stand out from anyone in the crowd.
While I did not know him personally, his name is well known.

I wish his family will overcome this loss soon, and keep their fond memories of him.
While the body dies, the spirit lives on as long as it will be remembered.

[Jumper]

Only knew him thru his posts ,but they were always interesting and entertaining.


God Speed Doug,


my sincere  condolences to his family =(

AJ

[Bruce]

Sorry to hear the news.  What a shame.  Doug was a great poster over the years on many boards.  This should be a wakeup call to all of you to live life to the fullest.  One never knows the road ahead.

[Jet]

I knew of Doug from several places even before I found RWD and if anything, the man was passionate, not only about life, but about the lives of others, that he and his wife touched. I didn't always agree with him, but I was always interested in hearing his "take" on things, and some of our most spirited debates happened right here within this community of RWD. It's funny how the death of a person you've never met, and never talked to, can affect you more deeply than you thought.

I'll miss Doug

Liliya and I would also like to offer our most sincere condolences to Olga, Lana, and the rest of their families in this time of grief.

[Admin]

This is only *some* of the posts Doug made at RWD over the years - but if anyone wants to get a glimpse of his thoughts and opinions, click here -- http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?action=profile;u=1330;sa=showPosts

Among the posts, he refers to a Blog which he began. It was excellent. Sadly, when he and Olga decided to abandon the GoEastNow site (still referenced in his profile), he also brought down the blog.

I think Doug and Olga found there are some imbalanced and mean-spirited people who visit these sites and make life difficult on owners/admins. It ultimately resulted in their withdrawal from managing their own site.

- Dan

[coco]

I remember Doug posting over this years on many boards.
I always enjoyed his passionate posts.

condolences to his family

Coco and Bluebell

[AnastassiaAsh]

Well, i didn't know these guys and for some reason never came across his posts, but I think I heard their last name. I have read lots of threads and some of his wonderful messages, reports and articles.

Any way, i have just emailed Olga to three email addresses that I found. You all know I went through the same 'hell' 5 years ago, so I decided to reach out to her and let her know that i can help her with anything i can and that she is not alone... I am not sure if i get anything back... 

[mspanky]

 I read some of the post from he and his wife. What an amazing couple. This is too sad. Especially for the little girl who will never really get to know the father who doted on her so much.

Anna,

 I hope you can get through to her as I'm sure Olga will need  a shoulder to lean on.

[chivo]

I woke up yesterday morning, read this and was also taken aback. Because my Firday was so busy and I had to leave early, I was unable to respond. I couldn't help but think about this all day.

I first met Doug about 5-6 years ago. I have been on one forum or another since 2000, and as those of you who have been around for awhile, read many of his posts.

Since Doug live so close to me at the time, it only made sense to look him up and share some of our experiences.

Doug was living in Chino Hills at the time, and I was about a 15 minute drive away in West Covina. Both are suburbs in Los Angeles. I was also working in Rancho Cucamonga then and could easily pass by his house on my way home from work, and did so a few times.

I visited him and Olga on a few occasions, once even sharing a nice Russian style dinner Olga prepared for a group of RW/AM. They were of course always the perfect hosts.

Like most who knew him as mentioned, he was very opinionated and passionate about what he believed. Almost to a fault. There was very little grey area with him, and personally, I respected this about him. It matter not that we agreed or disagreed on things.

We lost touch after some time, and I moved here to Moscow in '04.

Our last correspondence was about 6-8 months ago when I wrote him a email correcting some things he posted on another forum, and updating him on my living arrangements here.

Of course he strongly urged me to get out of Russia and come back and re-establish myself in LA.

At the time I was a little angry that he had such a negative view of life here as I felt he was short on the facts, but deep down I knew he only wished the best for me.

Thats how I remember him, as someone who could cut to the bone, but truly believing that he had your best interest at heart.

No I didn't always agree with him, but with him, what you saw is what you got. Thats all I ask in anyone.

My prayers and heart go out to his lovely and caring wife.

R.I.P

chivo

[Vaughn]

I just moments ago learned of Doug's death on a Blog by his employee/partner/friend. I cannot believe
this - it's unthinkable, so difficult to accept.

A very few folks here know that I lost my little sister, Jeannie, early in January. Like Doug, Jeannie
was also fifty years of age. Doug's passing reminds me once again that I need to celebrate each
and every dawn I face.

My earliest recollection of Doug Salem was when I stumbled upon his site promoting a Snail Mail
Campaign as an effective way to meet and establish contact with RW/UW of sincere intention.
Of course, the campaign drew much criticism, but that sort of stuff never swayed Doug very much.
David, thanks for posting that photo of Doug and his daughter - it speaks to me so clearly.

Vaughn