Getting dropped

[NWKid]

Wow, I've read this debate before, and there is no end, no solution, only stubborn opinions.  Now I'll give you mine

Some of you guys are delerious.  Some seem to think (not just here, on this board) that age implies sedentary.  That's BS.  If you really believe that nonsense, then I suggest you plan on divorcing and remarrying every five years, because we will ALL age.  It can not be helped.  I read time and again this pathetic excuse for dating women half your age.  It's called "rationalization."  If you are going to rationalize, why stop there?  Go ahead and tell yourself anything that will support your fantasy world.  We won't care.

If the concern is the health of the child, and the risks of pregnancy for older women, then I suggest some legitimate research to determine the degree of risk.  Use that information to find someone who will be a suitable partner for life.  If the concern is compatible interests, then by all means search for someone who shares those interests, be they skydiving, rollerblading, windsurfing, or whatever else suits your fancy.

I'd like to think that most of us are looking for a partner for life, someone to share the joys and pains of life - in all it's aspects.  Granted, others are simply looking for a hot babe to sleep with - someone without cellulite, gray hair or wrinkles.  In that case, be honest with her, be honest with yourself.  Most of all, be honest with your intentions.  These are real people, not just pictures in a babe gallery.

[andrewfi]

NWKid, I do not think posters were implying that as we grow old we are no longer capable of doing anything other than vegetating in front of a TV with a can of beer and a cigarette. It is almost always true though, that in anything other than the short term that most people in their 40's do not do the same things as those in their early 20's. On the other hand though most of the rest I agree with entirely. A guy who is marrying for youth will, I think, be entering a short term relationship with a cycle of ageing and divorce for as long as his money holds out.

Seems to me that the reality is that if a 45 year old bloke really lives a lifestyle that is compatible with that of most 24 year olds in the US, then finding a Russian mate in that age bracket would not be a problem. But then, if that were truly the case, then most posters here would not have to go halfway around the world to find a mate...

We can kid ourselves that we look 'young for our age' or other such BS, but in reality a guy in his mid 30's is OLD to a woman in her early 20's. Girls who want an older guy are not uncommon, but for most it is a passing phase, part of growing up.

There is, I think, validity in the idea of stages of life. Whilst I was a mature student, I dated other students, now, a year later and my current girlfriend in only five years younger than me. But I also live a very different life. But even allowing for life stages, just think about it. Look in the mirror. Look at the women you are fantasising over. Would the women, do you think, actively look at you, if it were not for your passport or money? Even for me, whilst a student, I knew that what I was enjoying was pretty short term, unless I was in  position to buy that which I wanted. In the real world, the FSU is not a good place to buy a woman with your lifestyle, unless you can actually live up to her high expectations and out compete the younger richer, better looking guys in your home environment (or hers!).

BTW, Dear John letters?

I got a few when I was first visiting the region and looking for a 'girlfriend' ahead of time. Usually women who realised what I was doing just dropped me without telling me. Others would say that they were seeking a serious relationship and had no time for a pen friend. Then I learned not to mess about. Nowadays, no more letters either way. Just normal relationship stuff.

 

[NWKid]

For those of you who can read Russian, take a look here and read what the Russian ladies are saying about you.  Some of the comments are pretty vicious. 

For those of you who can not read Russian, the poll at the top indicates an acceptable age range.  Note only one respondent indicated that 16+ years difference was ok.

http://www.antidate.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=243

[Muzh]

PS. Muzh, I wasn't picking on you in particular at the end of Paragraph 2, you just happened to be the last one who posted prior to Kevin and I needed to use anohter name to try and make my point.   You are giving good advice and saying what you believe.  That is great.    When I made my comment about casting a wider net I can agree you can drag up a lot of undersirable stuff.  

Yo, Turboguy.  No offense taken.  And I appreciate you PS.

Foolishly I subscribe to these lists to help others that are in the process or are learning what is to marry a RW.  It is not easy for a lot of AM to deal with intercultural relations.  It was not easy for me either, however, 5 years under my belt, I have the scars to prove my relative success.

[Turboguy]

I am sure you are wiser after 5 years.   If all goes according to plan my learning experience should start late this fall.   My lady has her forms coming back to me tommorrow so as soon as I get back from my trip to California and Texas I will be starting the K-1 process.

I am looking forward to learning more of your expereinces.  I want to learn all I can and make sure this works.  I am very patient, but I am sure I will need all I have.

[Son of Clyde]

If we are talking about dear John letters.

I went to visit a lady in her early 20's when I was in my early 50's.

Not a total disaster but I learned quickly that her feelings had changed. She started to see me as someone 10 years older than her parents. Her first excuse in not staying at my apartment was that she was having her period. When we went sightseeing one day I wore a knit cap and the first thing she said was that it made me look younger, like someone in their 30's. And when her girlfriend was always present I had another clue.

A few months ago I told her I was engaged but I did not know how to tell her. She was very happy for me and sent me a picture of her boyfriend. She said and I quote "this is man of dream."

I found out the hard way not to hold on to someone by a thread because she is hot looking.

My current lady is 20 years younger than me but people say we look like a good match and it makes me happy.

And she is a very special lady.

[2tallbill]

This is not about the OP. I reopened this subject to talk about what happens after
you get on a plane, curl the girls toes, get along swimmingly and fly home. An
accurate answer is that it usually falls apart while you are apart. Meeting a girl
for a week or two at most then flying off into the sunset is does not foster stability
and the relationship usually falls apart. 

What can you do to keep things from falling apart? I have many recommendations
but that will have to wait until I slay a few dragons and save the day for a few of
my customers.

[BC]

What can you do?  Get ready for the next trip and the one after that

[ML]

Not to be bragging, but I have  never been dropped by a gal that I was seriously interested in.
But some situations:

1) This gal and I had a great time together. I spent more time with her on a WMVM trip than with any of the others, she was really great at sex and very interested in it.  However she had sort of wierd coloring in her face;  not from makeup.  I don't really remember now, but seemed sort of greenish tint and sometimes I was sort of embarasssed to be seen with her, even as she had a pretty face  She had red hair which was untamed maybe looking somewhat like an afro; that didn't bother me too much.  Funny . . . she had trimmed her 'bush' and told me if not, it would look like hair on her head.   And she had much too huge breasts, which she was 'oddly' proud of.  Oddly . . . because they were going to cause her big time trouble down the road.
Anyway, a few months later I was planning a business trip to another city and was thinking about getting one of the gals from this trip to meet me there.  I wasn't serious about any of them, but didn't have time to line up a gal in the new city.
When I emailed this gal; I was quite surprised when she said:  Sorry, but I don't have the 'big feeling' for you (not enough to take time off work, I presumed).  Surprised . . . since we had spent a lot of time together, laughing and having super fun all the time without a hint of trouble or dissatisfaction.  But not a hurt for me because she was not going to be a long-termer for me.  She ended email saying, but if you come back to my city again, I will spend time with you (screwing, I presumed).

2) Another time I called a gal for a 4th date.  We had screwed on 3rd date.  She said she didn't want to meet because I made fun of her English.  I said that was not true.  I never make fun  of people's English, but sometimes a word they say is just so funny no one could avoid laughing.  I told her there was a difference between laughing and making fun.  She said, well that wasn't the real reason.  I stopped there because I knew it was because our sex had not been up to par.  However, this was her fault because she kept giving me instructions (suggesting impossible positions for me, etc.) which doesn't work because men are much more fragile than women when it comes to performance.

3) This gal and I spent a lot of time together on my WMVM trip, went on a 4 week trip to Turkey, and met for another two weeks in her apartment.  A super high IQ gal and was in top 5% of women in entire world in terms of sex drive; even to the point of being nearly overly demanding to a high interest guy like me; like twice or more a day, every day.  (Once, just after breakfast at around 9:30 AM during our last meeting she said; are we going to do it or not?  Nothing impatient about that timing!!)  But that wasn't the problem (although it would probably become so).  The problem was her increasingly extreme volatility.
Anyway when she bid me goodbye at the airport she said:  Dear, I don't think you are interested in moving forward in our relationship, so I am going to look at some other men. 
I wasn't hurt at all because I knew I could not take her volatility long-term.
She did marry a local man a couple of years later, and we still exchange messages at birthdays, Christmas, etc.

[2tallbill]

Well, today I received a letter from Lucy indicating that she has been talking with her mother, aunts, and uncles, and none want her to go to USA.  So... sorry.

What type of "Dear John" letters have others received?

Kevin

Getting dropped via email before making a trip is GREAT! You just saved a bunch of
time, energy, money and get to move on without the emotional energy spent.

[ML]

Getting dropped via email before making a trip is GREAT! You just saved a bunch of
time, energy, money and get to move on without the emotional energy spent.

I only received two 'sort of' Dear John letters.  Neither one hurt too much.
- - - - - - -
One from a gal that I had no intentions of a LTR with because she was only a 5 or less in face (not from ugliness but some sort of odd color in her face; not from make-up) and had DDs which were much much too big.  They would cause her tons of trouble in the future.

However,  I wanted to keep contact with her because she was great at sex and loved to give BJs.  And we were very compatible and had tons of fun together. 

But she surprised me by writing that she didn't have a 'big feeling.'
- - - - - - - -
The other was almost my ideal mate.
An MD with great sense of humor (we would often laugh so hard our stomachs hurt), knew tons of 'stuff' of course, was around 5' 9", no children and no living parents, pretty in face, nice B cup (the best size, no sag).
But, after our first meeting, she gained quite a bit of weight which was evident on second meeting.
As I was departing, she asked when we would meet again.
I said: After you lose X pounds.
She said: No problem, I can do that in a couple of weeks.
When 6 months was coming up, I asked her (on phone) if she had lost the weight.
She said: No, but we can do it together.
I said:  Goodbye.
The next year, I tried to contact her again for a trip to Turkey, as she was a lot of fun on such trips and I was willing to put up with the weight, short-term.
She replied:  Goodbye John (not my name), and goodbye America.