Advice on questions

[phantom]

Hello,

I got a letter today, from a lady I've exchanged a couple of letters with already, she said to ask her questions of course, which I have been.  Today, she told me to ask "Really personal" questions.  How personal to a RW can you ask?  What not to ask?

[macman]

Don't ask if she likes cyber sex!  Even though that's something "we" can research too.  Heck, might as well have stats on everything.

What would you ask a woman that you were interested in the U.S.?  Go from there. . . Personally I have a myriad of questions that I ask, somewhat like a template. 

Start your list.


mm

[SANDRO43]

I got a letter today, from a lady I've exchanged a couple of letters with already

Not another scammer, I hope  .

[Gator]

Phantom,

A long time ago I remember a RW who suggested the same.  So I went for it. 

One of my questions: "Do you look into your man's eyes when making love?" 

Her answer, "It depends upon what he is kissing." 

She also wanted to send me as a birthday present her panties with her "scent". 

She was fun, but not what I was looking for with regard to some other aspects.

Back to your woman.  You need to step up to the plate or she will think you are a weenie.  But do it in steps.  If she has been married before, ask her what type of wife was she.   What would she do differently in her next marriage?  From there, your next email can go to more personal stuff.

[phantom]

Not another scammer, I hope  .

Not this time Sandro, I have contact with her at one of the oldest known agencies in Russia. 
Thanks for the advice Gator, I'll start small and work my way up.

[Rvrwind]

I have contact with her at one of the oldest known agencies in Russia.

And in what way does that guarrantee its not a scam? ???
AWeb is also one of the older ones & one of the biggest, your certainly not going to convince me that that makes them legit!

[phantom]

It's maxim, I read a few good things on here about this agency.  There's two that I use, one in Russia and one in Ukraine.  (This happend do to my mistake in starting out), I have a lot of correspondence and have talked to several of them on the phone.  I'm only dealing with one scammer, she's off a free site, you can read about it and see her pics under scammers and suspect agencies under Has anyone gotten any like this.

[Rvrwind]

Yes, I too have heard good things about Maxim. Have had no personal dealings with them myself, but their reputation seems to be better than most in the industry.

[Lily]

Phantom,

macman suggested a good approach. You can ask her the questions that you think are the personal ones.

Before asking her, I'd recommend making a direct referral to her invitation, like 'I really appreciate your invitation to ask you some personal questions....' Otherwise she might forget that she actually gave you a green light to be personal and starts being angry or defensive.

[phantom]

Thanks Lily,

I'll do that.  I figured this was going to touchy and was wondering what to ask, without being deeply personal.

[Turkey]

Don't ask if she likes cyber sex! 

Also, don't ask if she's a virgin

[jb]

When this woman invited "personal" questions I doubt she had sex on her mind if she is a "normal" woman looking for a sincere mate.

There are so many things a man and woman should know about each other that are of a personal nature to simply explore the compatibility possibilities.  I would ask her about her childhood, her family, what does her father do, mother?  Her school years, education, career aspirations (if she's old enough), does she like children, does she have brothers and sisters, neices and nephews?  How does she feel about leaving Mother Russia and living in a totally different culture?  How will she deal with that level of stress?   What are her feeling about her role in a marriage?  I think I could round up about 2 pages of "personal" questions if I put my mind to it and sex would never come up.

Believe it or not, I have found most of the things which make a good marriage have nothing to do with sex, but many other factors will strongly relate to success or failure.  My guess is she is trying to determine now in the initial letter writing phase if you are worth meeting or not.

Of course, if you ask these things of her, be prepared to answer up yourself when she starts digging into your character.     

[macman]

One of my questions: "Do you look into your man's eyes when making love?" 

Her answer, "It depends upon what he is kissing."

GATOR --> lolouder <--  Gal in an advacent office asked - what are you laughing about!

[SANDRO43]

She also wanted to send me as a birthday present her panties with her "scent". She was fun, but not what I was looking for with regard to some other aspects.

You should have introduced her to an open-minded Japanese friend, they have shops specialising in that in Tokyo (though the items must be unwashed and belonging to pre-puberty girls, IIRC ).

[vwrw]

The best source of not deeply personal questions is tests. Look over the questions of a test, choose those you would like your girl to answer, and then send them to her.

[Lily]

When this woman invited "personal" questions I doubt she had sex on her mind if she is a "normal" woman looking for a sincere mate.

There are so many things a man and woman should know about each other that are of a personal nature to simply explore the compatibility possibilities.  I would ask her about her childhood, her family, what does her father do, mother?  Her school years, education, career aspirations (if she's old enough), does she like children, does she have brothers and sisters, neices and nephews?  How does she feel about leaving Mother Russia and living in a totally different culture?  How will she deal with that level of stress?   What are her feeling about her role in a marriage?  I think I could round up about 2 pages of "personal" questions if I put my mind to it and sex would never come up.

Believe it or not, I have found most of the things which make a good marriage have nothing to do with sex, but many other factors will strongly relate to success or failure.  My guess is she is trying to determine now in the initial letter writing phase if you are worth meeting or not.

Of course, if you ask these things of her, be prepared to answer up yourself when she starts digging into your character.     

I guess one may also think to ask one or two similar questions in one letter and to save others for the next one. This way one probably has a better chance to get reasonable answers. Otherwise the girl may feel like being interviewed, this is not a good feeling for the cases.

[Gator]

JB,

IMO personal questions are those that uncover feelings that she would not share with ordinary acquaintances such as coworkers.  Are we not involved in a time-compressed process leading to possible marriage?  So we need to accelerate the pace.

Your questions would reveal necessary information, yet I do not consider them personal.  IMO questions of your genre are mandatory for the 2nd, 3rd and 4th emails, and if everything looks good after that, it is time to stop writing and to start talking on the telephone.
 
Spontaneous conversation on a telephone reveals far more than carefully worded emails.  On the telephone, one question leads to another at a rapid pace, and soon we are revealing character and values.  For example, I need to know a woman’s style for conflict resolution (e. g., negotiator or argumentative).  If I asked her in a letter that direct question, you can guess the answer.  Yet, on the phone she will unknowingly give clues.

Lily,

You make an important point, yet I consider the intro stage to be more of an interview than idle babbling.  One needs to balance the two.  A few questions at a time is best. 

For sure, it should not be an interrogation.  And a man would lose because Russians invented interrogation.  Spain surely sent some Catholic leaders to Russia to learn various techniques before conducting the infamous Inquisition.   

[jb]

Are we not involved in a time-compressed process leading to possible marriage?  So we need to accelerate the pace.

I'd say you are absolutely correct about an accelerated pace for relationship building, however it's just my opinion, and my personal choice I guess, but I wouldn't be bring up issues of a sexual nature until after a face-to-face.  I've said this before, and got pretty badly mauled for saying it, but if two people are of average build, and are interested in sex,,, I do believe the all the various parts will fit together OK.  Being sexually compatible should not be a question to explore by e-mail.  I just don't think two people will know beyond a doubt if they are sexually attracted with nothing more to go on than photos and e-mails.  In the past I've met very visually appealing women who turned me right off when they opened their mouth.   We have all read lots of T/R where guys were really pumped before they met the WOVO they traveled to see only to not find her to be so great in real life.

The way phantom asked his question for advice I assumed he was uneasy with the RW's possible definition of "personal", I thought he might get some input from the ladies here, when I noticed he wasn't getting any responses I just ventured my opinion based on 5 years of marriage to a Russian woman.  To my wife, a very personal question might be a probing question about a previous marriage, how long she was married and why did the marriage fail.  If I'd been stupid enough to ask that question, she'd probably blown me off and never when out with me again.   RWs usually reveal personal information slowly over time as trust is built.

Just my .02 cents

[Gator]

JB,

Again, your excellent knowledge of the Russian woman is showing.  And you give excellent advice for newbies.

A man should never introduce the subject “sex”.  In so doing, he gains nothing but  could lose a good woman.

I will use my Moscow woman as an example.  As with most RW I met, she is a sincere, classy, proper and decent. The qualities we seek.  She received hundreds of introductory letters, and if a letter contained the word “sex”, she would hit “delete” automatically.  Poof - you have been vaporized.

If she became interested in a man after trading a few emails and he introduced “sex”, she would ignore him.  If he repeated, she would vaporize him, thinking him too stupid to realize that she was not ready to discuss the subject.

Yet, there are a few decent RW who will hint at sex using such terms as wanting her future husband to enjoy her body.  But that is not a license to become inquisitive. 

And then there is the exception such as the one free-spirited woman I mentioned above.  She was highly educated, just a live wire. 

[SANDRO43]

Spain surely sent some Catholic leaders to Russia to learn various techniques before conducting the infamous Inquisition.

[I/O]

RWs usually reveal personal information slowly over time as trust is built.

In my experience....absolutely...!!!  Very very slowly...!!  BUT very definitely and very plainly.  No sugar coating. IIRC mine and I have had one very short conversation of the subject of physical intimacy in two years and that actually came long after it was a reality. We both prefer actions to words, particularly in this area.

I also am inclind to think the definition of "Personal" as outlined by the author's pen friend is far more likely to be suggesting of questions relating to personal history, family, childhood and so forth.  If by some stretch of the imagination, she is implying questions regarding physical intimacy, I would be doing a "Forrest Gump" if I was in his boots, (Run Forrest Run) because I doubt she is much of a Russian woman.  It just woudn't fit with the nature of the Russian women I know.

FWIW

I/O

[ScottinCrimea]

My experience is that any question about her past is a personal question.  For whatever reason, Rw, or RM for that matter, are typically reluctant to discuss the past in any detail.

[phantom]

Thanks for all the good advice here on this one.  I have my questions wrote down and going to take them a few at a time.  No intimate ones.    I just had to ask, as I'm new and was not sure exactly what she meant anmd didn't want to go too far on "personal"