It appears you have not registered with our community. To register please click here ...

!!

Welcome to Russian Women Discussion - the most informative site for all things related to serious long-term relationships and marriage to a partner from the Former Soviet Union countries!

Please register (it's free!) to gain full access to the many features and benefits of the site. Welcome!

+-

Author Topic: Time for some Humor!!  (Read 473630 times)

0 Members and 48 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline Son of Clyde

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2440
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: No Selection
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #175 on: September 06, 2007, 01:52:11 PM »
I saw this online in another forum:

A dyslexic walks into a bra.



Online 2tallbill

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12413
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Living the dream
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #176 on: September 06, 2007, 02:39:32 PM »
I saw this online in another forum:

A dyslexic walks into a bra.




LOL
I am soooooo............stealing that joke
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Online 2tallbill

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12413
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Living the dream
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #177 on: September 06, 2007, 02:40:41 PM »
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his blonde secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Offline Son of Clyde

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2440
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: No Selection
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #178 on: September 06, 2007, 04:21:39 PM »
A man sees his attractive, young, blond neighbor going to her mailbox every hour or so and gets curious.

Finally he goes outside and asks her what she is doing.

She tells him she just bought a brand new computer and whenever she turns it on a voice tells her she has mail.

Offline Vaughn

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2644
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: No Selection
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #179 on: September 06, 2007, 06:07:21 PM »
A newlywed groom stood off to the side of the reception hall
with his best man. Eyeing the crowd, he remarked, "You know
what? With the exception of my bride, my sister, and my mother
I've had every woman in this room!"

The best man replied, "Between us both, we've had them all."

Online 2tallbill

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12413
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Living the dream
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #180 on: September 06, 2007, 07:14:25 PM »
Not a dirty joke..........

TWO Nuns lived at the convent


One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past
thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster
SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing.
He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go
this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?
SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down


FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Offline acrzybear

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1205
  • Country: de
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 0-2 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #181 on: September 06, 2007, 08:37:00 PM »
I saw this online in another forum:

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

Did you hear about the insomniac, agnostic, dyslexic?

He stayed up all night wondering there was really was a dog.
Necessitas dat ingenium

Offline Son of Clyde

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2440
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: No Selection
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #182 on: September 07, 2007, 07:25:41 AM »
Dominus Nabisco Cookies

Offline jb

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5324
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #183 on: September 07, 2007, 08:06:55 AM »
I used to have a dyslexic labrador retreiver.  Whenever he would fetch ducks he would run across the top of the water never even getting his feet wet.

Offline Vaughn

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2644
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: No Selection
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #184 on: September 07, 2007, 04:37:17 PM »
"I am not a gay necrophiliac," declared Ralph, in dead earnest...

Online 2tallbill

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12413
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Living the dream
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #185 on: September 07, 2007, 05:14:52 PM »
Ok, I don't get the last three jokes

Should I have cracked more books and tapped less kegs in College?

Bill
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Offline jb

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5324
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #186 on: September 07, 2007, 05:19:56 PM »
Bill,

Mine was so obvious... Of course, nobody else laughed either.

Offline Vaughn

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2644
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: No Selection
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #187 on: September 07, 2007, 05:30:01 PM »
Bill, I don't really want to review 13 pages, so tell me: have we covered
the "Neil Armstrong" joke?

Offline Jet

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2544
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Married 11/03 Divorced 9/09 Married 6/12
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 3-5 years
  • Trips: None (yet)
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #188 on: September 07, 2007, 09:21:07 PM »
Ok, I don't get the last three jokes

Should I have cracked more books and tapped less kegs in College?

Bill

Yes  ;D
At the point when a joke needs to be explained it ceases to be funny  ;) (but I really liked Vaughns, and jb's was pretty good too  :thumbsup:
Every action in company ought to be done with some sign of respect to those that are present. ~ Geo. Washington

Offline Bruno

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3926
  • Gender: Male
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #189 on: September 08, 2007, 02:19:03 AM »
Ok, I don't get the last three jokes

Should I have cracked more books and tapped less kegs in College?

Bill

Hmmm... i get these of JB... so, 1/3... not bad for a foreign guy...

Now, one question for 2tallbill ... Are you a real blond guy ? If yes, i understand your 0/3...

 :ROFL:  :cheesygrin: :ROFL:

Offline Son of Clyde

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2440
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: No Selection
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #190 on: September 08, 2007, 04:53:21 AM »
You mean mine?
Dominus Vobiscum was something from latin class in Catholic school.
We used to say Dominus Nabisco Cookies instead.
Someone else told me he said Dominus Go Frisk Em

Online 2tallbill

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12413
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Living the dream
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #191 on: September 08, 2007, 04:52:48 PM »
Yes  ;D
At the point when a joke needs to be explained it ceases to be funny  ;) (but I really liked Vaughns, and jb's was pretty good too  :thumbsup:

I was simply remarking on the unfortunate fact that three fastballs went over the plate
in a row and I couldn't put wood on any of them. 

To Bruno: no blonde just brown with grey mixed in.

I don't have alzheimer's but I definitely have part timers

Take care,

Bill
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Online 2tallbill

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12413
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Living the dream
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #192 on: September 08, 2007, 05:51:10 PM »
Bill, I don't really want to review 13 pages, so tell me: have we covered
the "Neil Armstrong" joke?

None on Neil Armstrong as of yet.
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Offline Simoni

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2542
  • Country: ua
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Ukraine
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #193 on: September 08, 2007, 10:17:41 PM »
Now that we have a break in the jokes, I have a question....  does anyone else find the russian jokes translated into English rather lame?

While in Ukraine this summer, lots of guys shared jokes with me and laughed and laughed! But to me they were very funny at all.  Most that is.  Some were  :D

Russian humor has to be acquired...

Offline Rvrwind

  • Commercial Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1901
  • Gender: Male
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #194 on: September 09, 2007, 04:04:03 AM »
Russian Humor is an aquired taste alright. It helps if you know the language, the culture & the history however.
This one should be easy for all. The girls at the office laughed way too much over it.

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service --
Tver Angels Local and International Introductions
Classy Ladies for Discerning Gentlemen

RVR-Canadian Cowboy
Dyin' is easy, it's livin' thats hard!!!

Offline Vaughn

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2644
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: No Selection
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #195 on: September 13, 2007, 07:12:09 PM »
Now that we have a break in the jokes, I have a question....  does anyone else find the russian jokes translated into English rather lame?

No doubt about it. I spotted this one in a Russian journal, and decided to memorize
it in Russian. It brings gales of laughter when I tell it to a group of Russians, but my
suspicion is that they're just as tickled by my New Yorkskii accent.

A wife tells her husband that their flat really needs sone new wallpaper. "Go talk to
the neighbor - he just finished papering their place." The hubby goes down the hall
and approaches Sergei, asking, "Hi Neighbor! Tell me - we want to wallpaper our
apartment - and yours is identical in size - so how many rolls of paper did you buy?"

"Nine" answered Sergei. So hubby goes to the market and finds a good deal on nine
rolls - and finishes the job that weekend. Trouble was, he had two rolls left over, and
couldn't figure out why. So he visits Sergei again:  "I thought you told me you bought
nine rolls. We bought nine, but have two remaining."

Sergei answers, "So do we."

Not hilarious, but it seems to be in the FSU. Or maybe it is my accent and unpolished grammar.
 

Offline LadyX

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 14
  • Gender: Female
  • Всегда вместе с тобой, Стивочка
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #196 on: September 26, 2007, 11:41:59 PM »
Hi! Just couple funny pics... :D

Online 2tallbill

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12413
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Living the dream
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married 5-10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #197 on: October 01, 2007, 05:04:43 PM »
A Cajun walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side.  He puts the alligator up on the bar.  He turns to the astonished patrons. 
 
"I'll make you a deal.  I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my manhood inside.  Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute.  Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed.  In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval.

The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his big unit and related parts in the alligator's open mouth.

The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. 
 
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the alligator hard on the top of its head.

The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer.  "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."

A hush fell over the crowd.  After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.

A Blonde woman timidly spoke up..........
"I'll try it - Just don't hit me with the beer bottle!"
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Offline baldrick

  • Member
  • *
  • Posts: 11
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #198 on: October 02, 2007, 08:46:51 AM »
Paddy and Mick (Irish) were at the morgue to identify Sheamus,s body that had been badly burnt. Paddy goes first and turns the body over and looks at his ass and says "no thats not him". Mick goes next, turns the body over and looks at his ass and says "you,re right Paddy that,s not him". The doctor somewhat puzzled asks "how do you know its not him?". Thats easy says Mick, when we used to go out everybody used to say "here comes Sheamus with the two assholes"

Offline Turboguy

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6551
  • Country: us
  • Gender: Male
  • Spouse's Country: Russia
  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: > 10
Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #199 on: October 02, 2007, 03:08:05 PM »
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. Examples, the trade name of Tylenol has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil, is also called Amoxicillin, and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.


The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After consideration by
teams of government experts, it recently announced it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, & it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market concoction by the name of:

MOUNT & DO.


Thought for the day:There's more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there will be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

 

+-RWD Stats

Members
Total Members: 8883
Latest: Leroy14
New This Month: 1
New This Week: 0
New Today: 0
Stats
Total Posts: 541002
Total Topics: 20849
Most Online Today: 2013
Most Online Ever: 12701
(January 14, 2020, 07:04:55 AM)
Users Online
Members: 11
Guests: 1876
Total: 1887

+-Recent Posts

Re: What to do by krimster2
Today at 09:47:10 AM

What to do by 2tallbill
Today at 09:37:41 AM

Re: If you don't know what you are talking about, post away anyway by 2tallbill
Today at 09:18:17 AM

Re: American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by krimster2
Today at 07:00:25 AM

Re: American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by Brillynt
Today at 06:16:36 AM

Re: American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by krimster2
Yesterday at 09:20:42 PM

Re: American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by Infoman
Yesterday at 09:12:54 PM

Re: American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by krimster2
Yesterday at 09:02:12 PM

American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by Infoman
Yesterday at 08:45:42 PM

Re: What to do by Trenchcoat
Yesterday at 07:59:27 PM

Powered by EzPortal

create account