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Author Topic: Time for some Humor!!  (Read 473665 times)

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Offline Shadow

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1150 on: November 19, 2011, 01:25:07 PM »
In the never ending series "those racist Russians"  a view on the stereotypes of tourist crossing the border. Russians do not forget themselves...

No it is not a dog. Its really how I look.  ;)

Offline OlgaH

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1151 on: December 01, 2011, 10:58:23 AM »


Offline tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1152 on: December 02, 2011, 09:18:48 AM »
~There is no one more blind than those who refuse to see and none more deaf as those who will not listen~
~Think about the intelligence of the average person and then realize that half of the people are even more stupid than that~

Offline ghost of moon goddess

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1153 on: December 20, 2011, 04:44:33 AM »
This music gives me goosebumps and has drug-like effect on me

Then I'd recommend small doses of Vivaldi for your withdrawal therapy ;D:

I've overdosed :-[   Doctor, the drugs you've prescribed are addictive   :D

Me no Doctor, be Patient, Sister ;D.

I'd like to have an argument, please  :)

If you want to keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single degree of freedom.

Offline SANDRO43

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1154 on: December 20, 2011, 07:26:26 AM »
I'd like to have an argument, please  :)
No argument, but how about a bird or two ;D?




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Offline GQBlues

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1155 on: December 20, 2011, 06:17:58 PM »
From an email...
 
A DIVORCE AGREEMENT

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

--Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

--We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.

--You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.--Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.

--We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.

--You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

--We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.

--You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.

--We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.

--We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC, CNN and Hollywood. 

--You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

--You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

--We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.

--You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

--We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.

--You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.

--We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.

--We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."--I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".
 
--We'll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.--Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
 
Would you agree to this?
 
Sincerely,
John J. Wall, Law Student and a fellow American
 
P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & Hanoi Jane Fonda with you.
 
P.S.S. And you won't have to press '1' for the English language when you call our country.

 
Quote from: msmob
1. Because of 'man', global warming is causing desert and arid areas to suffer long, dry spell.
2. The 2018 Camp Fire and Woolsey California wildfires are forests burning because of global warming.
3. N95 mask will choke you dead after 30 min. of use.

Offline acctBill

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1156 on: December 20, 2011, 07:53:38 PM »
From an email...
 
A DIVORCE AGREEMENT

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

--Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

--We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.

--You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.--Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.

--We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.

--You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

--We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.

--You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.

--We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.

--We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC, CNN and Hollywood. 

--You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

--You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

--We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.

--You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

--We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.

--You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.

--We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.

--We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."--I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".
 
--We'll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.--Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
 
Would you agree to this?
 
Sincerely,
John J. Wall, Law Student and a fellow American
 
P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & Hanoi Jane Fonda with you.
 
P.S.S. And you won't have to press '1' for the English language when you call our country.

Does this mean that Mr. John J. Wall and his conservatives (I'm assuming that the other side in the divorce) will be enlisting to fight in any future wars?  In the case of Iraq and Afghanistan I never heard of the children of conservatives, CEOs and politicians signing up to fight.   

Offline Muzh

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1157 on: December 21, 2011, 07:51:46 AM »
Does this mean that Mr. John J. Wall and his conservatives (I'm assuming that the other side in the divorce) will be enlisting to fight in any future wars?  In the case of Iraq and Afghanistan I never heard of the children of (rich) conservatives, CEOs and politicians signing up to fight.

You are not hinting at hypocrisy at all, are you?   8)
To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead. Thomas Paine - The American Crisis 1776-1783

Offline ghost of moon goddess

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1158 on: December 21, 2011, 12:41:19 PM »
No argument, but how about a bird or two ;D?

How about a parrot that bursts out laughing when RW&M start speaking in English?  :)

If you want to keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single degree of freedom.

Offline OlgaH

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1159 on: January 15, 2012, 04:23:44 PM »

Offline OlgaH

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1160 on: January 15, 2012, 05:09:06 PM »



Offline OlgaH

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1161 on: January 17, 2012, 11:00:18 AM »

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1162 on: January 19, 2012, 07:53:38 AM »
Partners help each other undress before sex.
 However after sex, they always dress on their own.
 Moral of the story:
 In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
 
= = = = = = =
 
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in
 the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.

 'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.

 The old man looked off in the distance without answering.
 
'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' he asked again.

 The old man slowly looked at him and said,  'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck.

This is your grandma's idea.'
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline OlgaH

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1163 on: January 21, 2012, 11:39:21 AM »

Offline JR

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1164 on: January 21, 2012, 06:20:56 PM »
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.'
Passenger: 'Who?'
Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.'
Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'
Cabbie: Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.
Passenger: Sounds like he was something really special.
Cabbie: 'There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, could do everything right.'
Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.
Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.
Passenger: An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?
Cabbie: 'Well... I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his f**king wife."
Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else :)

Offline Eduard

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1165 on: January 23, 2012, 02:29:58 PM »
Любимая женская поза - женщина стоя и слегка наклонившись вперед, выбирает кольцо с бриллиантом... Мужчина сзади расстегивает бумажник.
[/size]
A woman's favorite position: she is standing up, slightly bending forward, choosing a diamond ring... a man is behind her unzipping his wallet.
realrussianmatch.com

Offline Eduard

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1166 on: January 27, 2012, 11:04:27 AM »
this is funny but you have to understand Russian slang: Прежде,чем назвать женщину ЗАЙКОЙ-подумай:хватит ли у тебя КАПУСТЫ!!! да и не подведет ли морковка?


 :P
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Offline ghost of moon goddess

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1167 on: January 27, 2012, 12:15:45 PM »
this is funny but you have to understand Russian slang: Прежде,чем назвать женщину ЗАЙКОЙ-подумай:хватит ли у тебя КАПУСТЫ!!! да и не подведет ли морковка?
 :P
:ROFL:

Hint: using the words bunny, cabbage and carrot make  a statement expressing a "true meaning".   ;D
If you want to keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single degree of freedom.

Offline Eduard

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1168 on: February 01, 2012, 08:40:27 PM »
"Есть тёти как тёти,

есть дяди как дяди,

есть люди как люди

И бляди - как бляди...

Но в жизни порой по-другому бывает:

Есть дяди как тёти

и тёти как дяди...

Есть бляди, как люди

и люди - как бляди!"
realrussianmatch.com

Offline Eduard

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1169 on: February 01, 2012, 08:44:21 PM »
Милые мужчины!Когда вы делаете своей даме куниллингус, не пытайтесь при этом смотреть ей в глаза! С её стороны вы выглядите как фашист, выглядывающий из окопа.
realrussianmatch.com

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1170 on: February 18, 2012, 11:45:34 AM »
An older man was in WalMart, pushing his shopping cart around, when he collided
with a young guy also pushing a cart. He said to the young guy, "Sorry
about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to
where I was going."

The young guy said, "That's OK. It's just a coincidence. I'm looking for my
wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate. The older
man said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look
like?"

The young guy said "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with long blond hair,
green eyes, long legs, big boobs and she's wearing tight white shorts with a
 T-Shirt and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

The older man said, "Doesn't matter. Let's look for yours."

Most older men are helpful like that.
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline TheTraveler

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1171 on: February 18, 2012, 05:03:57 PM »
Hilarious, ML!  I gotta remember that one!

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1172 on: February 18, 2012, 07:39:24 PM »
A short bedtime story



A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1173 on: February 20, 2012, 12:33:37 PM »
   Green Shoes at the Masters


Whether you golf or not.


These are AWESOME shoes!    Nike now markets Green Shoes
First seen at the 2011 Masters Tournament
   Have you seen them?

Look below, but just at the shoes.



 
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #1174 on: February 20, 2012, 12:47:08 PM »
   Green Shoes at the Masters


Whether you golf or not.


These are AWESOME shoes!    Nike now markets Green Shoes
First seen at the 2011 Masters Tournament
   Have you seen them?

Look below, but just at the shoes.


She was wearing shoes?
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

 

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