Time for some Humor!!

[viking]

From a RW's personals ad on mamba:
* Спонсоры, поддержки и тому подобное не интересует! Я нормальный человек! А вы?
 * А ещё для особых ценителей объявление:
 ...УДАРЮ ПО ЯЙЦАМ ЗА 3000 РУБЛЕЙ !
 это мне не сложно так что не стесняйтесь!
                  

Eduard
Can you put this in English so the rest of us can participate? Thanks

[Belvis]

From a RW's personals ad on mamba:
* Спонсоры, поддержки и тому подобное не интересует! Я нормальный человек! А вы?
 * А ещё для особых ценителей объявление:
 ...УДАРЮ ПО ЯЙЦАМ ЗА 3000 РУБЛЕЙ !
 это мне не сложно так что не стесняйтесь!
                  

From a RW's personals ad on mamba:
* Not interested in sponsors and etc.! I'm a normal human! And you?
* An announcement for special connoisseurs:
... Will hit your balls for 3000 rubles!
no problem for me, so don't be shy to ask!

[ML]

This has been around for quite a while; but this new (to me version) has some pictures which helps to understand what is being said.

"The Italian man goes to Malta."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=m1TnzCiUSI0

[SANDRO43]

This has been around for quite a while; but this new (to me version) has some pictures which helps to understand what is being said."

The accent sounds more French than Italian .

[ML]

The accent sounds more French than Italian .

OK, then you or someone change title to  "Frenchman goes to Malta"
and repost on Yahoo.

[ML]

Best way to get someone to do something?
Tell  them not to do it.

The signs in German tell shoppers to NOT sit or lie on the water bed because there are some problems.
 
Make sure your stomach is calm before you watch, because it might hurt from your  laughing.


http://www.youtube.com/embed/9wm-Ge8LL7o?rel=0

[Shadow]

Best way to get someone to do something?
Tell  them not to do it.

The signs in German tell shoppers to NOT sit or lie on the water bed because there are some problems.
 
Make sure your stomach is calm before you watch, because it might hurt from your  laughing.


http://www.youtube.com/embed/9wm-Ge8LL7o?rel=0

Just FYI... the sign only said not to have sharp items in your pockets...

[ML]

Woman to her man:  For  your birthday, I have decided to agree to your request that we have a 'threesome.'

Man:  Wow . . . a blonde, redhead, brunette or what?

Woman:  I don't care what color his hair is.

[GQBlues]

In the spirit of post-Halloween humor...these kids are 2-die-4...there's got to be a law against this!






The last 3 sets of kids are exactly what ours will be like. 

[ML]

This cannot be made up!!!

[ML]

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two ' working girls ' and take them to their separate hotel rooms for an hour of pleasure.
 
 The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection.
 
 His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of, "Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE .... UGH! "
"Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH!"
"Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE ... UGH!"
This goes on for the whole hour.
 
 Later back at the bar, the second dwarf asks the first, " How did it go? "
 
 The first mutters, " It was embarrassing. I just couldn't get an erection. "
 
 The second dwarf shook his head. " You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get on the bed. "

[Noch1]

I fixed, but I will try for free 

[knighta]

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two ' working girls ' and take them to their separate hotel rooms for an hour of pleasure.
 
 The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection.
 
 His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of, "Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE .... UGH! "
"Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH!"
"Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE ... UGH!"
This goes on for the whole hour.
 
 Later back at the bar, the second dwarf asks the first, " How did it go? "
 
 The first mutters, " It was embarrassing. I just couldn't get an erection. "
 
 The second dwarf shook his head. " You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get on the bed. "

 Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two ' working girls ' and take them to their separate hotel rooms for an hour of pleasure. [/color]
  [/size]
  The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection.
 
  His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of, "Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE .... UGH! "
 "Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH!"
 "Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE ... UGH!"
 This goes on for the whole hour.
 
  Later back at the bar, the second dwarf asks the first, " How did it go? "
 
  The first mutters, " It was embarrassing. I just couldn't get an erection. "
 
  The second dwarf shook his head. " You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get on the bed. "
 

[calmissile]

A friend sent me an email with some humerous photos.  He has no idea that some of them probably were taken in Ukriane.   LOL

[ML]

Ingenuity at its best . . . except for the washer above the pooper (I would never use it), and the electrician with his feet in the water.

[Noch1]

that was funny as hell.
Gotta print the toilet with pylon

[ML]

Two Trees and A Woodpecker...

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.
A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch,
'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'

The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert.
Can you tell if that is a son of a beech, or a son of a birch?'

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree.
He replies, 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.
It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in.'

[Eduard]

мужчина спросил в аптеке что нибудь наподобие виагры,только для женщин.фармацевт не растерялась и послала его в ювелирный..


A man asked a farmacist for something like Viagara only for a woman. The quick thinking farmacist suggested that the man visits a jewelry store...

[ML]

His travel request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.
 
 He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
 
 Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted,
'Let's go'.
 
 The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

 

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot,
'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.' 

'Why?' asked the pilot.   

'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' he responded, 'and I need to get some close-up shots.'   

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered,

'So, what you're telling me, is ...

You're NOT my flight instructor?'

"Life is short.
 Drink the good wine first."

[calmissile]

KFC

[calmissile]

An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution.

When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor.

The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to.

I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say,
'99'.

The old guy obeys and says,
 "99".
 
The doctor says, "Great", now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say,
 '99".
 
Again, the old guy says,
 '99'."

The doctor said, “Very good”.
 
Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly.
 
I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way.
 
Now take a deep breath and say,
 '99'.
 
The old guy begins,
 
"One...

 two…
 
 three…"

You don't stop laughing because you grow old.
You grow old because you stop laughing!
 
 
 
 
 

[ML]

Gal and I were watching a silly sitcom last night; and couldn't quit laughing when we heard this:

Woman to friends:  I just made $20,000 by selling two kidneys.

Friends:  But everyone needs at least one to survive.

Woman:  Oh . . . they weren't mine!!

[GQBlues]

Lesson 1 to a child...Don't ever let yourself get so fat.
 
Lesson 2: Always remember to immediately disown an aunt you suspect is an eveil, evil aunt. One who'll laugh at your own hanging....
 

 
See what I mean?
 
 
 

[calmissile]

.

[Brillynt]

Cal,

Thanks, now I have to clean the coffee off the monitor.