You met a girl and things are going great

[2tallbill]

So you've met a girl, the trip was great you feel you have a good
connection, the sex was amazing and then you get on a plane to
go home.

There are ONLY a thousand things that could go wrong. I will list some
of them in the next post or two.

My advice is when you've found gold immediately start planning your
trip back preferably before you even leave. FSUW don't do vague, hearing
that you are coming back in 6 months or so is like telling her you've got a
ten year sentence but will probably only serve 5 with good behavior.

She still barely knows you. She still needs to be pursued, charmed and caught
again and again. This is a fragile situation and you still need to continue getting
to know the girl and making sure that you are a good fit.

Relationships have fallen apart several times after it went swimmingly during 
the first trip. It's not just me either, several guys can attest to this as well.

Understand that she will have fears that need to be abated, friends will tell her
scary stories, old boyfriends will come sniffing around. She is considering leaving
her family, friends, culture, language and life and that is freaking scary. Hearing a few
vague promises about a future trip are not going to make that go away.

Concrete plans.................. That's what she needs. She needs to hear steps taken, 
tickets purchased, apartments rented. Your new job is to take a photo of every cool,
pretty or romantic thing you see and send it to her.

Whatever you do, do not assume everything will be easy now that you've found gold. 
How you need to keep away the bandits, smugglers, kidnappers, foul play and various
dragons that want to f#ck this up for you.

I will post more, I encourage some of the other FSU veterans (who have married FSUW)
to do the same.

[John Gaunt]

So you've met a girl, the trip was great you feel you have a good
connection, the sex was amazing and then you get on a plane to
go home.

There are ONLY a thousand things that could go wrong. I will list some
of them in the next post or two.

My advice is when you've found gold immediately start planning your
trip back preferably before you even leave. FSUW don't do vague, hearing
that you are coming back in 6 months or so is like telling her you've got a
ten year sentence but will probably only serve 5 with good behavior.

She still barely knows you. She still needs to be pursued, charmed and caught
again and again. This is a fragile situation and you still need to continue getting
to know the girl and making sure that you are a good fit.

Relationships have fallen apart several times after it went swimmingly during 
the first trip. It's not just me either, several guys can attest to this as well.

Understand that she will have fears that need to be abated, friends will tell her
scary stories, old boyfriends will come sniffing around. She is considering leaving
her family, friends, culture, language and life and that is freaking scary. Hearing a few
vague promises about a future trip are not going to make that go away.

Concrete plans.................. That's what she needs. She needs to hear steps taken, 
tickets purchased, apartments rented. Your new job is to take a photo of every cool,
pretty or romantic thing you see and send it to her.

Whatever you do, do not assume everything will be easy now that you've found gold. 
How you need to keep away the bandits, smugglers, kidnappers, foul play and various
dragons that want to f#ck this up for you.

I will post more, I encourage some of the other FSU veterans (who have married FSUW)
to do the same.

I agree Bill. I visited pretty much every other weekend for the 6 months or so after the first meet.
Then she visited me for a few weeks.
Only then did I feel I was swimming in calmer waters.

This endeavor takes perseverance and a good bank balance.
It’s not for those earning minimum wage.

[mhr7]

friends will tell her scary stories,

They'll tell her "he doesn't treat you right" kind of things as well. Just like at home but the effect seems to be much worse. She can't go running to Mom in a foreign country. And the sex slavery stories from almost everyone.

[2tallbill]

She can't go running to Mom in a foreign country. And the sex slavery stories
from almost everyone.

Yes, but they also figure since they are attracted to you that every women
in the entire USA must also be attracted to you and that all the hot women
in the USA are throwing themselves at you.

They watch a movie (for free obviously) with a SEXY American actress in it, 
half your age and way out of your league and imagine that the actress desires
her American man. She also worries that you haven't had your pipes
cleaned by her for 3 months and that it might be too difficult for you to turn
down that hot tramp American actress.

[2tallbill]

I agree Bill. I visited pretty much every other weekend for the 6 months or so after the first meet.
Then she visited me for a few weeks.
Only then did I feel I was swimming in calmer waters.

This endeavor takes perseverance and a good bank balance.
It’s not for those earning minimum wage.

That's an excellent point and good planning on your part. 

Coming from the USA the trip is a little bit further, but not as bad as our
Aussie and Kiwi friends. I visited Angel Eyes 4 times the year that I met
her. Then she visited me twice. I wasn't going to let my Angel with the
heart of gold get too lonely.

[Nightwish]

I agree Bill. I visited pretty much every other weekend for the 6 months or so after the first meet.
Then she visited me for a few weeks.
Only then did I feel I was swimming in calmer waters.

This endeavor takes perseverance and a good bank balance.
It’s not for those earning minimum wage.

I visited 14 times in the first 6 months when I met Tanya, I've been to Ukraine in total 104 times (gone through 2 passports) where at least 10 of them was a week or longer (4,5 years in LDR due to certain circumstances) she came here visiting about 10-12 times during those 4 years.. now she has been living here for almost a year, managed to sneak her out even with "closed" borders last summer.

It's not for the thin wallet for sure.. when the Check-in desk starts greeting you with your first name even before you present your passport, you know you are a frequent flyer 

[2tallbill]

She can't go running to Mom in a foreign country.

For the most part when you marry a Russian girl, you are marrying Mamma too.
You have two hearts to win, not just one. If you can't get Mamma on board, you
have struck out.

[ML]

For the most part when you marry a Russian girl, you are marrying Mamma too.
You have two hearts to win, not just one. If you can't get Mamma on board, you
have struck out.

My wife's mother was against her coming to USA and during wife's several trips back to Ukraine her mother asked her again not to leave Ukraine.

So far, she has returned to USA each time.

[BillyB]

For the most part when you marry a Russian girl, you are marrying Mamma too.
You have two hearts to win, not just one. If you can't get Mamma on board, you
have struck out.

When I first visited my wife, her mom knowing I been in the military asked if I had tattoos. I didn't. I later asked what if I did have tattoos. She said if I did, she would tell her daughter to not be with me.


About 7 years into our marriage, my MIL got into an argument with me over something I can't remember. Out of anger, she said she's going back to Ukraine and she will take her daughter with her. Lol. She wants to punish me by taking her away.

[GQBlues]

For the most part when you marry a Russian girl, you are marrying Mamma too.
You have two hearts to win, not just one. If you can't get Mamma on board, you
have struck out.

MIL/FIL will always be a huge part of your union with a FSUW. They are still actively involved in our affairs that at times they even argue and take sides. Wifey and I now just laughs it all off, but even trivial things can get pretty intense with the in-laws.

Wife just successfully negotiated a great deal with the dealer to lease her Audi S6. FIL tells her how much annual mileage she should get (12K), she said OK. I told wifey before to just take 10k or even less, which MIL agrees.

Wifey and FIL thinks it limits her from driving the car and/or she'll end up just paying for it in the end. I told him/them nonsense. Drive the darn car as much as you want. The dealer makes you believe this makes a difference in your lease term but the truth of the matter is, it doesn't. It's all in the car's depreciation rating amongst other things. Once you nail where that is for the period of your lease, you'll get the sweet spot on how much your DP/payment out the door. Then add whatever estimated of mileage you like and negotiate for that number. It made a 'YUGE' difference. I convinced wifey, and told her exactly what she needs to deal with, FIL stubbornly disagrees.

MIL got angry with him and took my side.    Wifey got an awesome deal complete with free Audi care service for 3 years. I'm really proud of her. Such a contrast when she first arrived. She's gotten a ton of street smarts in her in as little time as she has spent living here.

I put a deposit for an A6 eTron, FIL thinks it's also a bad idea, tells me straight out I'll have a problem like what happened in Texas. Wifey busts-up about it. I won't be able to drive the car if I lose the ability to charge it. LMAO.

In-laws...you just gotta love 'em...

[cameraguymn]

Seems you read my mind making this post. 

[2tallbill]

You lawyers and businessmen out there wouldn't buy a business without
doing reasonable research into the business to investigate it's value and
viability.

Due diligence: reasonable steps taken by a person in order to satisfy
a legal requirement, especially in buying or selling something.

In business: a comprehensive appraisal of a business undertaken by a
prospective buyer, especially to establish its assets and liabilities and
evaluate its commercial potential.

You lawyers and businessmen out there wouldn't buy a business without
doing reasonable research into the business to investigate it's value and
viability.

Yet every year there are men who fly to the FSU and marry women barely
knowing them or doing the basic research to see if they are compatible and 
have the same values.

You do not treat this like the Spanish inquisition or a Gestapo interrogation
but you need to make sure you are not setting yourself up to fail.

True story about a guy who told his story on another forum.

He met a beautiful woman who had a teenage son. They fell in love and got
married. Once they moved to the USA he found out that the teenage son totally
ignored him on any house rules and that the beautiful wife expected to be the
only one who was going to enforce any discipline with the son.

The son became sullen in the USA, wrecked the family car, routinely screamed
at his step father, skipped school, refused doing any chores and eventually the
marriage ended in divorce.

How did this happen? How would anyone not do the due diligence about expectations
in raising a family and marriage. The man should have known rather than assumed
his new wife's view on discipline. They should of had a conversation on the rules
for kids and the consequences if the rules were not followed.

A woman is going to have opinions on how a marriage works, how children should
be raised, what her responsibilities are and what your responsibilities should be.
Surely you wouldn't marry a girl without know what her expectations are and
whether her values match yours.

Yet men get married and later divorced because they assumed everything would
work out without discussing it first.

My advice is to make sure you have the same values AND try as hard as possible to
get to know the woman that you are pursuing. Make a list of what you think each
person in a marriage is responsible for and what you expect her to do and what
you expect you should do.

You should know what her opinion is about your existing children or exwife is if
you have any. Could you imagine the potential problems that could entail if
she doesn't want them to visit you? You need to be on the same page because
kids naturally want to test boundaries and you both need to be singing from the
same songbook when problems inevitably happen.

Udachi!

Bill

[tfcrew]

Doesn't cover everything but..I just posted this in another thread----
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=25195.msg555993#msg555993

[ML]

~Think about the intelligence of the average person and then realize that half of the people are even more stupid than that~

And they are breeding the fastest.

[2tallbill]

You met a girl and things went great, she rode you like a stolen bike
you've had very intimate time together, you talked about everything,
you got on a plane like you were walking through quicksand uphill
and now are back at home.

What do you do?

If you read upthread, you already planned a trip back to see her or
you are planning on meeting her again.

What if you have limited time off? What if you have limited funds?
What do you do then?

You talk to your boss, you work weekends, extra shifts, you eat nothing
but lettuce, you stop eating out, stop going to Starbucks, you scrimp and
you save because if she is the real deal then you need to get back to see
that girl.

You need to see her again as soon as possible. This solidifies things in her
mind and believe me she needs reassurance that this was not a one time
flash in the pan.

Next thing you do is you go to this site http://www.meighan.net/alexander/
You learn two or three phrases per day and you try them out with your girl.

Keep an attitude of optimism and always moving forward to the next step.

Udachi!

Bill

[BC]

You talk to your boss, you work weekends, extra shifts, you eat nothing
but lettuce, you stop eating out, stop going to Starbucks, you scrimp and
you save because if she is the real deal then you need to get back to see
that girl.

Well, don't suggest telling your boss or coworkers you're chasing a FSUW.  In fact, IMO what you describe is unsustainable, and just more opportunity for too many shortcuts.

Better a flash in a pan than your ass served on a platter.

[2tallbill]

Well, don't suggest telling your boss or coworkers you're chasing a FSUW.  In fact, IMO what you describe is unsustainable, and just more opportunity for too many shortcuts.

Better a flash in a pan than your ass served on a platter.

Traveling to the FSU several times a year from the USA is not a typical thing for most
people. Getting extra time off if you have a job requires a conversation with your employer.
I got a job in North Dakota and worked out a generous paid time off benefit before I accepted
the job. Then after meeting Angel Eyes I lost my job. Before I accepted a new job, generous
time off was part of the deal.

My boss at the first North Dakota job actually had a Russian wife and he knew exactly what
I was doing. My boss at the second job knew exactly what I was doing and it was part of
the deal before I would sign on.

If you want or need and extra 10 days off to visit Russia what is wrong with putting in
some 7 day weeks and some 12 hour days? If you are in sales, like I am all you got to do
is to sell more than anyone else at a higher profit than anyone else then sales managers
tend to agree with anything.

[ML]

If you want or need and extra 10 days off to visit Russia what is wrong with putting in some 7 day weeks and some 12 hour days?

For most jobs, this is not possible.
Most employers need people at work every day M-F, and for many jobs there is nothing to do in the 6th and 7th day or in hours 9-11.

[2tallbill]

For most jobs, this is not possible.
Most employers need people at work every day M-F, and for many jobs there is nothing to do in the 6th and 7th day or in hours 9-11.

Most people aren't going to be able to pursue FSUW. This pursuit isn't for everyone.
You will find far more business owners than insurance adjusters chasing FSUW.
If you are in an inflexible job then you need to change jobs or forget about a
hot Russian wife.

[2tallbill]

This pursuit isn't for everyone.

Most will not even get on a plane. Most of those who get on a plane
will fail on the first trip and never try again.

[ML]

Most will not even get on a plane. Most of those who get on a plane
will fail on the first trip and never try again.

May want to check if the windows and doors are securely fastened to the plane.