Time for some Humor!!

[ML]

You're so stupid you had to call 411 to get the number for 911.
 
 Words can't describe your outfit, so I'll just throw up!
 
 Q: Why does that blonde have the biggest breasts in the sixth grade?
 A: Because she's 21

Q: Why did the blonde have trouble in the ladies' room?
 A: She is not used to pulling her own pants down.

Q: Did you hear the new penalty for speeding in Illinois?
 A: On the first offense they give you Bears tickets, and on the second offense, they make you use them.

You're more confused than an Amish electrician!

Q: What's the definition of diplomacy?
 A: The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
- - - - - - - -
 
 

• They can't measure your intelligence.  The scale won't go that low.
• Appearances can be deceiving.  Or in your case, disgusting.
• I promise not to make fun of your height.  I would never stoop to that.
• I'm glad you're tall.  It gives me more of you to dislike.
• I think you stepped on something smelly.  Like your feet!
• I've seen tables with nicer looking legs than yours.
• Are you going to eat that apple, or gum it to death?
• Your mouth's the perfect size... for your foot.
• I've seen a nose like yours before, but it looked better on the baboon.
• Know what I like about your face?  Me neither.
• Know what goes best with a face like yours?  A paper bag.
• Why don't you do something different with your hair?  Like, wash it.
• You're a person of rare intelligence.  It's rare when you show any.
• You'll never use your mind.  You can't lose what you never had.
• You've made this date I won't forget... no matter how hard I try.
• I know why they call this a "blind date."  Because now that I've seen you, I wish I were blind. 
• You're like disposable diapers...always getting dumped.
• ''What are you doing Friday night?''          ''Trying to forget you just asked me that.''
• "What's he got that I haven't?"                 "You want it alphabetically?"

 

[jone]

A man lands on Mars.  He's the first human ever to step foot on the planet.

The first alien he encounters is a female.  She is absolutely beautiful.  Stunningly gorgeous.  Everything he could want in a female of an alien race.  Her only problem, aside from being green, is that she is 20 feet tall.

He looks at her.  Thinks for a minute and says:

"Take me to a ladder.  I'll see your leader later."

[BillyB]

True story. I was told this by a black man.

What is long and hard on all black men?..............................

Answer: 4th grade

[BillyB]

 
Superman was flying around and he was in the mood to take care of his manly needs. Using his x-ray vision he spotted Wonder Woman in her house laying on her bed naked moaning and groaning. Instead of knocking on the door unannounced Superman thought it best to fly in at super speed, do his thing and get out before Wonder Woman would notice so he did. Wonder Woman said "Whoa!!! What was that?" The Invisible Man said "I don't know but my butt hurts!"

[Lily]

[ML]

A useful skill; until someone bursts her bubble!

[ML]

Why men should always let the woman speak first.

A real classic.

A couple of F words by the woman, but well worth it to watch until end.

http://www.toilette-humor.com/funny_adult_humor/the_lucky_escape.shtml

[I/O]

http://www.toilette-humor.com/funny_adult_humor/the_lucky_escape.shtml

There is a God, apparently.

[Gator]

I don't know about the rest of the men, but I really enjoy the new Lily.  Her decision to move to Canada was perfect.

[Gator]

There is a God, apparently.

And ML is correct, always let the woman talk first.

[calmissile]

I don't know about the rest of the men, but I really enjoy the new Lily.  Her decision to move to Canada was perfect.

+1

[I/O]

I don't know about the rest of the men, but I really enjoy the new Lily.

Dunno, I never quite imagined Lily to be quite so ..............endowed?
 

[calmissile]

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade.. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

" Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.

Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."

"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"


He said: "Who fucked up your hair?"

[calmissile]

America in the future.  LOL

[naigalina]

The Husband Store

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands.
When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions
at the entrance:

    "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!"

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

The 1st floor sign reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and The sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the 5th floor and The sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible
to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store
just across the street.

The 1st floor has wives who love sex.

The 2nd floor has wives who love sex and have money.

The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited.

[jone]

I'll bet some gal would have paid $50,000 for a husband on floor number 5.

[Lily]

"A Perfect Crime"

[Lily]

5 Ways Modern Men Are Trained to Hate Women

By: David Wong March 27, 2012

            
If you're not the type to keep up with ugly, soul-killing political controversies, let me catch you up: A while back, hugely popular political commentator Rush Limbaugh lost a bunch of advertisers because he publicly called a college girl a slut and a prostitute after she suggested that health insurance plans should cover birth control. But he's paid to say outrageous things. If you really want to feel all dead inside, you need to listen to what the regular folk were saying.
For instance, on crazy political message board FreeRepublic.com, posters referred to the girl in the above-referenced story (Sandra Fluke) as a " Nasty, disease-ridden plodding uterus, an utter skunk crack-ho filthy whore, a prostitute slutbag juice-receptacle" and a " Sperm-burpin' gutter slut", and said she " ...is so encrusted and used, that I had to throw out my flat-panel TV because her appearance on my TV infected it with AIDS, gonorrhea and syphilis".  There are many, many more worse comments collected here and here and here.

Now go to the front page of any mostly male discussion site like Reddit.com and see how many inches you can browse before finding several thousand men bemoaning how all women are gold-digging whores (7,500 upvotes) and how crazy and irrational women are (9,659 upvotes) and how horrible and gross and fat women are (4,000 upvotes). Or browse the "Men's Rights" section and see weird fantasies about alpha males defeating all the hot women who try to control them with their vaginas.

This current of white-hot rage has to come as a surprise to some of you, because we tend to think "sexism" is being dismissive toward women, or paying them lower salaries -- we don't think of it as frenzied "burn the witch!" hatred. Yet occasionally something like this Limbaugh thing will come along to prick that balloon, and out it pours. Like it's always waiting there, a millimeter below the surface.
Why? Well, you see ...

 #5. We Were Told That Society Owed Us a Hot Girl

Photos.com

Does it seem like men feel kind of entitled to sex? Does it seem like we react to rejection with the maturity of a child being denied a toy?
Well, you have to keep in mind that what we learn as kids is really hard to deprogram as an adult. And what we learned as kids is that we males are each owed, and will eventually be awarded, a beautiful woman.

Photos.com
"Surprise! Just a little something for graduation."

We were told this by every movie, TV show, novel, comic book, video game and song we encountered. When the Karate Kid wins the tournament, his prize is a trophy and Elisabeth Shue. Neo saves the world and is awarded Trinity. Marty McFly gets his dream girl, John McClane gets his ex-wife back, Keanu "Speed" Reeves gets Sandra Bullock, Shia LaBeouf gets Megan Fox in Transformers, Iron Man gets Pepper Potts, the hero in Avatar gets the hottest Na'vi, Shrek gets Fiona, Bill Murray gets Sigourney Weaver in Ghostbusters, Frodo gets Sam, WALL-E gets EVE ... and so on.
Hell, at the end of An Officer and a Gentleman, Richard Gere walks into the lady's workplace and just carries her out like he's picking up a suit at the dry cleaner.

"I'll take the one in brown flannel. I don't need a bag."

And then we have Star Wars, where Luke starts out getting Princess Leia (in The Empire Strikes Back), but then as Han Solo became a fan favorite, George Lucas realized he had to award her to him instead (forcing him to write the "She's secretly Luke's sister" thing into Return of the Jedi, even though it meant adding the weird incest vibe to Empire). With Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling played with the convention by having the beautiful girl get awarded to the sidekick character Ron, but she made it a central conflict in the story that Ron is constantly worried that, since Harry is the main character, Hermione will be awarded to him instead.
In each case, the woman has no say in this -- compatibility doesn't matter, prior relationships don't matter, nothing else factors in. If the hero accomplishes his goals, he is awarded his favorite female. Yes, there will be dialogue that maybe makes it sound like the woman is having doubts, and she will make noises like she is making the decision on her own. But we, as the audience, know that in the end the hero will "get the girl," just as we know that at the end of the month we're going to "get our paycheck." Failure to award either is breaking a societal contract. The girl can say what she wants, but we all know that at the end, she will wind up with the hero, whether she knows it or not.

"Wait right there. I need to go defeat my demons and realize the strength was in me all along."

And now you see the problem. From birth we're taught that we're owed a beautiful girl. We all think of ourselves as the hero of our own story, and we all (whether we admit it or not) think we're heroes for just getting through our day.
So it's very frustrating, and I mean frustrating to the point of violence, when we don't get what we're owed. A contract has been broken. These women, by exercising their own choices, are denying it to us. It's why every Nice Guy is shocked to find that buying gifts for a girl and doing her favors won't win him sex. It's why we go to "slut" and "whore" as our default insults -- we're not mad that women enjoy sex. We're mad that women are distributing to other people the sex that they owed us.
Yes, the women in these stories are being portrayed as wonderful and beautiful and perfect. But remember, there are two ways to dehumanize someone: by dismissing them, and by idolizing them.

Photos.com
"Careful, you'll make my tie smell like whore, 'friend.'"

Which brings us to the next problem ...
 #4. We're Trained from Birth to See You as Decoration

Photos.com

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with putting a pretty girl on the cover of a magazine or posing her next to a shiny new car. The pretty girl gets a good job, men want her, women want to be her, everybody is happy. Right?
The problem is that it goes way deeper than that.

"Brought to you by the American Corn Farmers Association."

From my experience, if there is a fundamental difference between male and female sexuality, it's this: There are actual occasions where women aren't thinking about sex. Here, let me show you an extreme example. I'm going to quote a Free Republic thread again, because I quite frankly can't stop reading them. These are some comments they made about a female public figure, and I want you go guess who it is:
 "Her face is so ugly you can smash it into some dough and make gorilla cookies."
"So fugly, I'd say 'don't even look'!!!"
"At least Medusa was modestly attractive by comparison."
"This person is disgusting and I would never trust 'it's' opinion on ANYTHING!"

Have you guessed? They're talking about Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan.

Via Wikipedia
A woman who didn't just graduate from Harvard Law -- she became the fucking dean.

Yes, even in that setting, when judging a female for a position on the highest court in the land, our instinct is still to judge her suitability as a sex partner. It's the first thing we notice. And you could just write that off as a bunch of douches being shallow, but then you have to realize how all of society has conformed to this. Forget about objectification in the media or fashion industry -- go to a diner, they've got the pretty girl waiting tables. Go to a department store, they'll have a pretty girl selling you pants.
See, that's the difference. With men, there are some scenarios where it stops mattering how he looks. With women, it always matters. In a comedy movie, the male wacky sidekick can be the chubby Zach Galifianakis or the nearly deformed Steve Buscemi. But if the female wacky sidekick isn't attractive, like the overweight Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids, then every scene needs to be about how ugly and fat and mannish she is. That has to be the core of her character.

Photos.com
"You mean there's other things in the world besides food? Surely you jest."

Her role in society or level of accomplishment doesn't matter. Even if she's a damned candidate for the Supreme Court, the female always has a dual role: to function as a person, and to act as decor.
And we get pissed if she doesn't do her job. Check out any article about a female celebrity who has gained weight. Here's literally the first one I found on Google, a blog post about how fat Christina Aguillera has gotten. Check the comments:
"fuck her! I have a full-time job, go to grad school full-time, cook at home every night and still find time to get my ass to the gym. lazy ass fat bitch ..."
Don't get me wrong -- if it's a male celebrity in the article, you'll get lots of people making fun of his fatness. If it's a female, you get anger.

Getty
That's her, two months ago, by the way. How dare that fucking bitch?

She owes it to us to be pretty. That's the social contract as we've understood it from the time we were toddlers.
And it's a no-win situation. We hate you if you're ugly; if you're pretty, then ...

 #3. We Think You're Conspiring With Our Boners to Ruin Us

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... aka, Why Do You Think the Garden of Eden Story Has a Snake?
First, you need to understand something about the unique love/hate relationship men have with their penises.
Do you remember that story about police having to free a guy who got his dick stuck while humping a pool filter? Or  that other guy who git stuck humping a park bench, or the other guy who got stuck humping a picnic table? Or that judge who got caught jerking off while on the bench listening to testimony?

Photos.com
"Do me a solid and bring that one chick with the huge boobs back up to testify."

You see this type of story come up a lot -- check your local police blotter. And they all have something in common: They're all guys.
Seriously, do a Google search for "masturbating in public library." Notice something in common with all of those stories? They're all dudes. Obviously I'm not saying women don't pleasure themselves ( every single study would prove me a liar); I'm saying that men are far, far more likely to engage in extremely high-risk masturbation in public. They're more likely to do it at work, and they're more likely to do it in situations where they could go to jail.
No, it's not some rare, weird exhibitionist fetish, either. It's that they can't even wait the couple of hours it'd take to do it safely at home.

It's why we refer to the IT guy as "cockblocker."

It makes absolutely no sense. All calculation of risk goes out the window. Why?
It's because, in males more so than females, the sex drive is completely detached from the rest of the personality. The part of the male brain that worries about job security or money or social reputation or legal consequences has almost no veto power over the sex drive. You've heard guys say they were "thinking with their dick" or "I was thinking with the little brain" or "I took an order from Captain Bonerhelmet." That's what they're referring to.
Science doesn't seem to totally understand why the "base urges" part of the brain reacts differently in men.  Maybe it's just a matter of having 10 times as much testosterone in their system, or maybe society has trained us to be like this, or maybe we're all spoiled children. My theory is that evolution needs males who will stay horny even in times of crisis or distress, and thus cuts off the brain's ability to tamp down those urges. Whatever -- nailing down the cause isn't the point. The point is that a man can be giving the eulogy at his own grandmother's funeral, and if there is a girl in the front row showing cleavage, he will be imagining himself pressing those boobs in his face, with his own dead grandmother not five feet away.

Photos.com
"And that's why I know that grandma is boobing down on our cleavage today in this titties time."

When that happens, when we get that boner at the funeral, we get mad at the girl showing the cleavage. Because we, ourselves, our own rational personality that knows right from wrong and appropriate from inappropriate, knows this is a bad place to get a boner. So it comes off like cleavage girl is conspiring with our penis to screw us over.
Is that a crazy thing to think? Yep! That's why it's so frustrating, especially if you don't have a whole lot of emotional maturity, and grew up with male role models who had even less.
No, this doesn't excuse anything. Obviously, "She was asking for it!" is still a bullshit rape defense. All I'm saying is when you see guys actually get annoyed or angry at the sight of a girl showing too much skin, or if you see them eager to degrade or humiliate the girls at the strip club, this is why. It's probably why some Muslims make their women cover themselves head to toe.

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"Where's your eye drape? You trying to get us arrested?"

And in the Bible, it's Eve who tempts Adam to sin ... by conspiring with a snake.
Every male reading this is going to think I'm belaboring the obvious (after all, the world is ). But I have never explained this to a woman who didn't look at me like I was insisting that all men are secretly werewolves.
But even this isn't the thing that makes us angriest ...

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_19785_5-ways-modern-men-are-trained-to-hate-women.html#ixzz2LwCI2tY5

[Lily]

#2. We Feel Like Manhood Was Stolen from Us at Some Point
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You know how every comedy has that stock character of the womanizing, amoral guy who just says what he thinks all the time, and cares only about himself? Joey in Friends, Charlie Sheen in Two and a Half Men, Sterling Archer in Archer, Gob in Arrested Development, Ashton Kutcher's character in That '70s Show, Michael in our Web series, the title character in my books?
Guys love that character because he's doing what, on some level, we all wish we could do. It's also why you have all of these ad campaigns desperately appealing to males who fear that they've lost their masculinity ("If you use a competitor's product, we're going to have to take away your Man Card!")
 
See, every single male can remember the first time, when he was 5 or 6 years old, he showed his penis to a stranger and everybody started freaking the hell out. He can remember the first time he got in trouble for hitting somebody, for peeing in public, for trying to jump off some high object or set something on fire. All of the core male urges, all the suggestions whispered to us by Darth Penis, all of it gets us in trouble.
And, when we get nostalgic for the past, we always dress it up in some ridiculous fantasy like 300, where everybody is shirtless and screaming and hacking things with swords. We are fed this idea that at one time, this is how the world was -- all of these impulses that have been getting us grounded and sent to detention from kindergarten on used to be not only allowed, but celebrated.
Photos.com
"No, just hold on. I'm gonna ramp you over that car."
And then at some point, women took it all away.
A once-great world of heroes and strength and warriors and cigars and crude jokes has been replaced by this world of grumpy female supervisors looming over our cubicle to hand us a memo about sending off-color jokes via email. Yes, that entire narrative is a grossly skewed and self-serving version of how society actually evolved. It doesn't matter.
The result is a combination of frustration and humiliation and powerlessness that makes us want to get it back in the only way we know how: with petty, immature acts of meanness.
Photos.com
"Now, maybe next time you'll remember who has the dick in this business."
 #1. We Feel Powerless
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I don't know what it's like to be a woman. I haven't been one in a long time. So as a result, it's not easy for me to describe what it's like to be a man, because I don't know what you're using for context. I'm going to do my best:
Did you ever watch old cartoons where a character is starving on a desert island, and when another character approaches, he's so hungry that he imagines the other character as a talking piece of food?
Via TV Tropes
Third panel omitted due to graphic content.
It's like that for most men, most of the time. We're starving, and all women are various types of food. Only instead of food, it's sex. And we're trying to conduct our everyday business around the fact that we're trying to renew our driver's license with a talking pair of boobs. So, from about age 13 on, around 90 percent of our energy and discipline is devoted to overcoming this, to behave like civilized human beings and not like stray dogs in a meat market. One where instead of eating the meat, they want to hump it.
Right now I'm reading a book from mega-selling fantasy author George R. R. Martin. The following is a passage where he is writing from the point of view of a woman -- always a tough thing for men to do. The girl is on her way to a key confrontation, and the narrator describes it thusly:
"When she went to the stables, she wore faded sandsilk pants and woven grass sandals. Her small breasts moved freely beneath a painted Dothraki vest ..."
That's written from the woman's point of view. Yes, when a male writes a female, he assumes that she spends every moment thinking about the size of her breasts and what they are doing. "Janet walked her boobs across the city square. 'I can see them staring at my boobs,' she thought, boobily." He assumes that women are thinking of themselves the same way we think of them.
Do you see what I'm getting at? Go look outside. See those cars driving by? Every car being driven by a man was designed and built and bought and sold with you in mind. The only reason why small, fuel-efficient or electric cars don't dominate the roads is because we want to look cool in our cars, to impress you.
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We also assume you have the taste of a pimp.
Go look at a city skyline. All those skyscrapers? We built those to impress you, too. All those sports you see on TV? All of those guys learned to play purely because in school, playing sports gets you laid. All the music you hear on the radio? All of those guys learned to sing and play guitar because as a teenager, they figured out that absolutely nothing gets women out of their pants faster. It's the same reason all of the actors got into acting.
All those wars we fight? Sure, at the upper levels, in the halls of political power, they have some complicated reasons for wanting some piece of land or access to some resource. But on the ground? Well, let me ask you this -- historically, when an army takes over a city, what happens to the women there?
It's all about you. All of it. All of civilization.
Photos.com
Nope. Can't see a single symbolic thing about this illustration.
So where you see a world in which males dominate the boards of the Fortune 500, and own Congress, and sit at the head of all but a handful of the world's nations, men see themselves as utterly helpless. Because all of those powerful people only became powerful because they heard that women like power.
This is really the heart of it, right here. This is why no amount of male domination will ever be enough, why no level of control or privilege or female submission will ever satisfy us. We can put you under a burqa, we can force you out of the workplace -- it won't matter. You're still all we think about, and that gives you power over us. And we resent you for it.
Photos.com
"Now you squat down and crap your pants, or you never touch these boobs again."
All of the most bitter disputes work like this, by the way: Both sides think they're the powerless party. It's why tipping servers is such a bitter topic among some people -- the server feels like the customer has all of the power (because their entire income comes from tips), and the customer feels like the server has all the power (because they can deny them food and drink and ruin their one night out). It's why the richest people in the world can talk like they're besieged victims, and mean it. It's why the male leaders of the most powerful and richest church in the world can talk like they're being made martyrs due to women asking for birth control. And mean it.
Which brings us back to where we started. If you add all of this together, you get a world where this woman can testify before Congress about her friend suffering from ovarian cysts ...
Via Wikipedia
... and a male political cartoonist will draw her like this:
Via Caglecartoons.com
Sorry, ladies.
David Wong is the Senior Editor of Cracked.com and the author of the ridiculous New York Times bestseller This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously Dude, Don't Touch it. Dave's IS AVAILABLE FOR DOWNLOAD NOW ON iTUNES, AMAZON INSTANT VIDEO, YouTube and through any other streaming service you can think of.

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_19785_5-ways-modern-men-are-trained-to-hate-women_p2.html#ixzz2LwIHZPG6

[Lily]

[ML]

Woman Got Away from Grizzly Attack With 25 Cal. Pistol

What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself? The Beretta Jetfire.

 Here is the woman's story in her own words.
 
 While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my boyfriend we were surprised
 by a huge grizzly bear charging at us from out of nowhere. She must
 have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive.

If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me I would not be here
 today!
 
 Just one shot to my boyfriend's knee cap was all it took  . . .  the bear
 got him and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.

 It's one of the best pistols in my collection....

[BillyB]

Just one shot to my boyfriend's knee cap was all it took  . . .  the bear
 got him and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.

One does not need to outrun a bear to survive. Just got to outrun the other guy.

[Lily]

[Larry1]

Is it my imagination or was that guy painted to resemble Lenin?  At least in the face.  If so, good job.

[Lily]

He was, Larry