Finding a Russian woman for rural living

[GalinaF]

Like I said, we live "in the woods" but it all depends of what we do (for living).

I think that Doll hit the nail on the head. There is a huge difference between say a programmer who works from home and lives in a rural area and a farmer who grows vegetables in his greenhouses in the same rural area. Both men don’t have a structured 9-5 lifestyle, but their lives must be very different…

I agree that the original poster should be very honest in his introductory letters about his way of life and his expectations for his future partner. It would be a red flag for me if a man would have stated pretty clearly that he wouldn’t be happy if his future wife decided to have a regular job outside the house. I prefer to have a choice.

As for the location where the OP lives, it is really pretty in my opinion. I drove from Ticonderoga (took a ferry) down to CT through VT last fall, and the scenery was breathtaking.

[PARADOJAS]

Hi everyone and thanks for all the great input--a special thanx to Planner for that long and well-thought out response.

I've been shoveling snow all morning so that is why it has taken me a bit of time to respond. First of all, I am not a farmer. I climb trees for a living. However, I do like to grow my own food because I like knowing where it comes from. Also, it's always nice to have a little surplus to use for bartering at farmers' markets, like some hard apple cider and berry pies. I also know a bit about dachas and the role they play in Russian/Ukranian society, so I am not confusing that with farming.

I agree that the most important thing is to be completely upfront, to the point of overkill, when describing my lifestyle to a prospective mate. Take photos of the house and property, etc. I also agree that my search may be more suited to a woman from say Nicarauga, Honduras, Cuba or one of the poorer SA countries. Having said that, there is no doubt in my mind that the are women from the FSU who would find a lifestyle which I have described as very desirable. The problem of course is locating them, and that is why I started this thread.

As to why my past relationship with a former girlfriend imploded, I really don't think that is germaine to this discussion. I'll just say that after spending a month with her at her apartment in Donetsk, I saw enough red flags to call things off.

When I went to St. Petersburg in 1999 on a one-way ticket and a three-month visa, I put a personal ad (in both English and Russian) in the St. Petersburg Times which included a piece of poetry I had written my first day in the city. I was in Piter for 5 weeks, staying at the youth hostel, and I received a lot of responses and had a great time while there. I was even able to see the Kirov Ballet at the Marinsky and get in for the Russian price. Even though I am a bit frugal and travel on the cheap at times, I took it as a personal challange to pass myself off as Russian--the trick was not to smile when handing the tickets to the babushka guarding the entrance. But I digress...I think a good stratergy would be to make contacts thru dating sites, etc, before going there and also do a bit of traveling and make direct contact. Fortunately, my unstructured lifestyle allows for this.

[PARADOJAS]

Oh, I almost forgot. I wanted to ask the Russian women here if they've had any expierence with chaga. It thrives here in the hills quite well.

RJ

[Doll]

I haven't.

[Misha]

I agree that the most important thing is to be completely upfront, to the point of overkill, when describing my lifestyle to a prospective mate.

The good thing is that you don't have to please all Russian women, or even most Russian women, you just have to find one woman who will love you and will share your interests and a desire to have the same lifestyle as you do.

[Muzh]

Paradojas:

FWIW. My wife was born in Kharkiv, second largest city in Ukraine. She was the head of a pediatric department at a city hospital. My SIL teaches physics. My FIL was the head engineer at an engine manufacturing plant. All lived in the city. After the implosion of the former Soyuz they all decided to move to the village. They love it there. My wife has been to Rutland (in the summer) and she loved it. As a matter of fact, as soon as she starts practicing medicine next year she wants me to find a nice secluded piece of land and build a house. As she says, she loves nature.

Oh, BTW, my SIL does most of the farming at her parents house which is around the corner from her house. Her house is twice as big as mine.

Hope this helps.

[SMS60]

Have you ever been to a real American farm? Watched how they live? I mean how their days are?
I have. No, thank you.

You might want to get up from the computer and look out the window every now and then.

[Muzh]

Have you ever been to a real American farm? Watched how they live? I mean how their days are?
I have. No, thank you.

I have a friend that I met through my children. My son has a classmate whose father has a dairy farm, a 10 minute drive from my house. I live 8 miles away from downtown Albany, the capital of NY state. I've been to his house which is huge and located in a very nice hill overlooking the capital district. I know how he lives and how he runs his farm. He has work all year round. Farmers who grow crops, at least in the Northeast are part-time. And every time I drive past by one of them, they have very nice houses in nice properties. I guess you are more of a city slicker. 

[Faux Pas]

I wholeheartedly agree that there is a "butt for every bucket". As to whether yours is in the FSU remains to be seen but, I wish you all the luck in finding her. Lifestyles such as yours in the U.S. is usually one of choice. You choose it, why not a FSUW? Explaining it to possible candidates likely to the point of ad nausea would be highly recommended. Also, quite likely many women you encounter in this pursuit will wonder and consider you strange for making such a choice. I'd wager that you could find some that would share your passions but, I suspect many that wouldn't.

Good luck in any event

In the same vein, one of my favorite new reality shows "Flying Wild Alaska" had a man and his wife who live deep in an Alaskan National forest, 350 miles from the nearest road. They have a pilot fly them into civilization once a year for supplies, business and such and for this he maintains an 800 foot landing strip. Now that is dedication to the cause.  

[ML]

The great mystery for me . . . .

Why after 20 or more years after collapse of FSU and after 20 or more widespread freedom of information and after 20 or more years of widespread internet interactions between FSUW and WM . . . .

do FSUW not fully understand that life in western village, small city and medium size city has virtually zero in common with life in FSU village, small city or medium size city??????

Anyone have answer to this??


And remember, this false thinking is from women, who most of the men here think, are somehow quite smart or clever.

[ECOCKS]

People know what they know.

They still swear sitting in a draft near a fan or open mashrutka window will make you sick to the point of death too.

It will take another generation or two before these things go away.

[PARADOJAS]

I have to agree with ECOCKS. I almost got tossed off Tanya's balconey in Moscow for whistling "Do It Again" by Steeley Dan in her house. She said whistling in the house could make all her valuables disappear. I told her I only wanted her bronze bust of Stalin to vanish. So it goes...

[Doll]

The great mystery for me . . . .

Why after 20 or more years after collapse of FSU and after 20 or more widespread freedom of information and after 20 or more years of widespread internet interactions between FSUW and WM . . . .

do FSUW not fully understand that life in western village, small city and medium size city has virtually zero in common with life in FSU village, small city or medium size city??????

Anyone have answer to this??

 

It works vica verca same way.

[mies]

Hi, Paradojas,

few cents from me (ok, i know it's more like $1.99, not just few cents  ). About your ideal wife and about your life.

How do you imagine the standard/regular day for your future wife together with you?
What time does she wake up?
What does she do all day?
What does she wear?
Does she cook?
What does she cook?
Does she do the cleaning in the house? How does she do it?
Do you time how many minutes you take shower?
What kind of shower do you have?
What is the average temperature of the shower when you take it?
Do you monitor your energy use?
Do you sell generated electricity back to the grid?
Do you drive car?
How many gallons of gas do you use per month?
Is there a public transportation in your area?
How many times per year do you shop for clothes and where?
If you buy grocery products - what do you buy?
Do you go to church? What kind of church?
How many pairs of shoes do you have?
What kind of washer/dryer do you have?
Do you monitor your water usage/water meter?
How often do you do laundry?
What kind of lamps do you have at home?
What is the average temperature in your home during winter months?
When do you start heating your home?
What kind of blanket do you have for your bedroom?
What size of bed?
How much time do you spend at computer per day?
What kind of soaps/shampoos are you buying for yourself?
Will your wife have her own computer or use yours?
Will she watch TV?
What will be her monthly spending (possibly in the form of allowance from you) on body lotions, beauty products, & shampoos?
Do you mind the way women's hands look when they do farming full-time?
Will your future wife have children?
What school will they go to?
Whom will they play with?
Will they do any extracurricular activities? sports? art classes? music?
Do you play musical instruments?
Do you do crafts? what kind of?
What will happen if your wife starts gaining weight? will you offer her a low-nutrition diet?
What will happen if your wife will gain weight to the point of being 40lbs overweight? and will not be able to lose it?
What if she gains weight during pregnancy?
What kind of health insurance will your wife have?
How much time does it take to get to the nearest hospital from your home?
What kind of birth control will your future wife be using?
Are you going to split the household chores? What will you do and what she will do?
Do you expect her to be earning money? How much?
If you do not expect her to be earning money - how are you going to give her access to your money? Up to what limit?
How many other people (except you) will your wife see on average during a week? a month?
Do you invite friends to visit your home? how often? What do you do during these visits?
Do you visit your friends' homes? how often?
What do your friends do?
How many books (approximately) do you have at home?
What kind of books do you have at home?
How many books do you buy per year? (on average)
How do you learn about news?
Do you read printed newspapers? Read them online? Watch TV? Listen to radio? Other options?
How do you normally spend Christmas? New Year? Your birthday?
How many times per month (or per year) do you dress up?
How many times per month (or per year) do you wear formal shoes?
Do you go to movies? What kind of? How often?
Do you go to concerts? What kind of? How often?
Do you eat out?
How many times per months will your wife call her relatives back home?
How many more $ per months will you be spending to phone bills (comparing to what you are spending now)?

These are just few questions from the top of my mind.

[Chicagoguy]

Wow !   Almost like a deposition.

[Misha]

Do you mind the way women's hands look when they do farming full-time?

First, I will be up front and say that I grew up on a farm and that my mother and my grand-mother as well as all my aunts were "farming full-time." Their hands are/were perfectly fine.

Second, I wonder whether people here, Russian and other, have the foggiest what modern farming involves. In Canada and the United States it no longer involves mules and one-bottom plows. Even an average farmer will often have thousands of acres under cultivation and the tractors and combines they use will be worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. So, even if a woman was farming full-time, what this would mean is that she would be spending most of her time sitting in a cockpit of a very large piece of machinery.

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBhuGXwDEgE[/youtube]

 

[mies]

First, I will be up front and say that I grew up on a farm and that my mother and my grand-mother as well as all my aunts were "farming full-time." Their hands are/were perfectly fine.

Second, I wonder whether people here, Russian and other, have the foggiest what modern farming involves.

Misha, please, don't start the discussion "oh those Russian don't have the foggiest view..."

1. The OP does not take a woman from the farm. He looks for city girl.
2. The OP discusses himself as living off-the grid and being environmentally friendly to its extreme. As a moderate environmentalist myself, I can assure you that modern farming is predominantly environmentally unfriendly. I am also sure that neither you, nor I, have a clear idea how in reality OP's life is organized and how does he grow his organic produce.
3. OP, judging from his description, isn't even a real farmer. He just lives off-the grid and tries to have self-sustaining and independent production-consumption cycle. Have he stated that he owns thousands of acres?

So please, don't roll your eyes and sigh "oh those dumb Russians..." OK?

[ECOCKS]

There you go confusing everyone with reality and facts again.......sigh.

[Misha]

Mies, reread my post and you will see that I specified Russians AND OTHERS.

Besides, what is the relationship between modern farming of any kind and a woman's hands?

[PARADOJAS]

Mies--here's my two cents' worth--I think you've got too much time on your hands.

[I/O]

Second, I wonder whether people here, Russian and other, have the foggiest what modern farming involves.

I do and if you track around the Urals a bit you'll find plenty of modern (albeit American for the most part) broadacre farming equipment.

http://video.biocenter24.com/video/yo78G-Yav20/John-Deere-9430-in-Urals.html

[Ranetka]

Well I had two boyfriend farmers and a couple of farming friends. What can I say? Nice cars, big houses, land, quiet rural locations, tons of money.  Great. However, this is NOT what makes a lifestyle. Lifestyle is working around the clock in season, seasonal workers in your garden half a year, dirty house (busy single man + house help+huge old house=dirty huge old house), no holidays in summer. Unfriendly locals in a nearby village who's idea of a foreign person is a polish farmworker who has to point out at stuff in the shop. Ah yes, remember talking to a couple in a village pub who were saying "We are still outsiders, we only moved here 12 years ago"

Another thing is remoteness. It's England so you can not really be isolated if you can drive. Still one can feel lonely in a remote location.

I would not hesitate dating a farmer again but I DO NOT find this lifestyle attractive at all.

[Misha]

Lifestyle is working around the clock in season, seasonal workers in your garden half a year

...and having the rest of the year to do whatever you want 

dirty house (busy single man + house help+huge old house=dirty huge old house)

In Western Canada, farm houses are generally no older and no worse on average than in the suburbs. I wager the same is true for the USA and Australia. 

no holidays in summer

Mexico and Cuba are pretty nice in the winter  :evil:

Unfriendly locals in a nearby village who's idea of a foreign person is a polish farmworker who has to point out at stuff in the shop.

Very British. Most farmers in Western Canada are the descendants of Ukrainian, German and a host of other Eastern Europeans 

Another thing is remoteness. It's England so you can not really be isolated if you can drive. Still one can feel lonely in a remote location.

One can also feel lonely in the middle of Times Square 

[PARADOJAS]

How did this thread become one about farming? My original post was about finding a woman who would like a "rural" (as in not a city) lifestyle. Perhaps I should have written "country" rather than "rural." Again, I am NOT A FARMER. In fact, I don't want to be a farmer. I just like growing my own food, just like some folks do in their dachas. I like the "rural" lifestyle because it slows down life. There are not all the distractions, pollution and crime one finds in the city. You have time to reflect about life and your place in it. There is a direct connection between you and the earth. My ex Tanya told me at her friend's dacha in Peredelkino, "Russian people are true peasants of earth." She then went on to give me a dazzling display of the proper technique of weeding a garden row with a hoe, all dressed in a bikini, sunhat and work boots.

[Ranetka]

...and having the rest of the year to do whatever you want 

Nah, the rest of the year you fix what was broken in season ha ha.

You beat me up on other points though :-)