Are you man enough for a RW?

[roykirk]

roykirk-
her having a fear or phobia of  flying was deal breaker with an AW?
and the only issue?
i guess i'm a pushover, that wouldnt have bothered me much,if it was the only issue.
weird yes,
dealbreaker if she was a great person.no.

There were a couple of smaller issues, but yes, it was the main issue.  It was a deal breaker simply because travel is my passion.  My job is what gives me the money to travel.  I don't really think of myself as having a career.  Just since the first of the year, I've been to Mexico, Thailand, the Arctic, Russia 3 times, and next week off to Italy.  I just need Australia to have all 7 continents under my belt.  Hey I/O, got a room to rent? ;-)  Being with someone who had no desire to leave their comfortable nest in anything other than a car wouldn't have worked out too well for me.  ;-)

[ISORW]

AJ,
Lena had always used the phrase that she "knew her own price" meaning that she knew her value.  And what is good for the goose is also good for the gander.  Too many guys in this process do not understand their own value.  Or at least grossly under estimate it.

KenC

But isn't it also true there are quite a few guys who overestimate their value as well?  What comes to mind are guys who can't date a woman here but go over their thinking their citizenship/passport and $35,000 a year salary make them a real catch to any beautiful woman in the FSU who they think they are rescuing from a life of poverty and misery.

[KenC]

But isn't it also true there are quite a few guys who overestimate their value as well?  What comes to mind are guys who can't date a woman here but go over their thinking their citizenship/passport and $35,000 a year salary make them a real catch to any beautiful woman in the FSU who they think they are rescuing from a life of poverty and misery.

I personally do not know of any guys that over sold themselves.  Has anyone else?
KenC

[catzenmouse]

That sounds more like someone who "thinks" he is All That when he actually is Not That Much. A "poser" who has spent a lot of time in fantasy land and buys into any bit of the hype that boosts his faulty perceptions.

I've seen a few who were wannabe successes that ended up as crash & burns or just never got off the ground far enough to crash & burn.

Perhaps that is what you meant by "oversold".

[Jet]

I personally do not know of any guys that over sold themselves.  Has anyone else?
KenC

I actually know of 2, but I do believe it happens semi-frequently amongst the guys that don't avail themselves of the internet resources at their disposal (including sites like RWD). Lil refers to these types as "the artificial aristocrat" 

[Ronnie]

Usually it only takes a little bit of time and then she walks back and apologizes. 

This is what ruins this board.  You get a guy who says he's married to a RW, poses with a cardboard cutout of one so he can make a realistic looking avatar then even creates this alter ego whom he pretends to be his wife.

Then, he goes a step too far and the jig is up!  No RW apologizes.  Not ever! Never! Never!  It's in her DNA.

Well, Okay....I guess... I guess every rule has to have it's exception.  Congratulations Lena.  You're awsome!

[Ronnie]

BINGO!

 Probably why (being the first class pr!ck that I am, according to my ex's) I booted the second to last one out of my house and walked away from the last AW's that I was in relationships with. After they felt comfortable enough in the relationship they decided that I needed fixing or changing. Sorry girls, I like being broken just like I am and if I was good enough to get with in the first place then I'm good enough as I am. Don't like that... well then, See Ya Later!

Catz, 
Did you ever hear whispers within the family that you had a long lost twin?  Lost no more.

[catzenmouse]

Catz, 
Did you ever hear whispers within the family that you had a long lost twin?  Lost no more.

LOL! Well I always blame my stupid actions on my Evil Twin Skippy so it likes now we've got triplets!

P.S. If you want you can blame Skippy for things too... 

[Lily]

This is what ruins this board.  You get a guy who says he's married to a RW, poses with a cardboard cutout of one so he can make a realistic looking avatar then even creates this alter ego whom he pretends to be his wife.

Then, he goes a step too far and the jig is up!  No RW apologizes.  Not ever! Never! Never!  It's in her DNA.

 

Ronnie, you probably know too little RW, or RW of some particular type, with damaged DNA. I cannot believe that so many women could be so ill mannered as you write. 

[KenC]

This is what ruins this board.  You get a guy who says he's married to a RW, poses with a cardboard cutout of one so he can make a realistic looking avatar then even creates this alter ego whom he pretends to be his wife.

Then, he goes a step too far and the jig is up!  No RW apologizes.  Not ever! Never! Never!  It's in her DNA.

Well, Okay....I guess... I guess every rule has to have it's exception.  Congratulations Lena.  You're awsome!

Ronnie,
You are TFF!!!!

OK let me explain.  A RW will apologize under certain circumstances:  #1 there is no admission of wrong doing of any kind and #2 As long as you don't expect her to apologize! 

I used to get pissed when she would walk away from me, but that only led to an argument.  Then we would both be pissed off!   It wasn't worth the argument to me.  So I changed tactics.  I say nothing and walk away.  I actually did this in St Thomas in the Virgin Islands.  We were walking though a labyrinth of small shops and Lena kept darting here and there.  I said (to myself) screw this!  And walked back to a small cafe restaurant to order my lunch.  As she walked by I yelled to her "Hey, I'm having lunch here, wanna join me?"  (The people at the next table marveled at my pick up techniques! )  I avoided the argument, avoided the forever debate of what and where to eat, and Lena apologized for disappearing.  Winning the Trifecta in my book!

I have to also point out that Lena has been here for a long time and has picked up some American/Californian habits.  She actually smiles in photos now and treats most servers in restaurants well.
KenC

[Jumper]

LOL KenC!

i dont think we should compare any more notes..they must be sisters seperated at birth, i had a very very simlar experience in mexico -
same labrynth of shops,, same darting around,, while i dint sit in the cafe there ,i did just go back to the hotel pool/banquet area.. so its eeerily  similar enough.... i am NOT a good shopper at all,i told her she needed to marry a woman,
and i am not a good walking ATM..or a good clothes hanger.. i joke with her about it,
so she knows if i *dissappear * to tread a bit lightly lol and anymore sincveerely thanks me if a i do muddle thru a bit of shopping

one BIG thing -LOL
is that when in the grocery store she has finally, after 5 long years,
decided that not every single item (no matter how insignificant or small)
no longer needs  the  21 point certified car checklist  and safety inspection,,
as well as price debating,
done on it,, -before simply putting it in the cart.

i am pretty flabbergasted if i go with her anymore,,as she can just grab something we need..
 and.. um,,put it in the cart. what the heck is THAT  about?
i'm really not sure what to make of it,
and asked her if she'd like me to make an appointment
with the doctor? she must not be feeling well at all!


Ronnie,
thats funny

i will tell you that one of the reasons i became so attracted to my wife was ,
that while she was always very opinionated ,
when we had/have a disagreement or tiff, "if" she was wrong (often i was of course lol)
but *if* she was,  she would indeed later come back and apologize.sincerely.
while this was never immediate..it did, and does happen.
also she seldom if ever brings up old arguments into a *new* debate.
the past is the past (normally over it far sooner than i am)
 and no grudges held ,and few if any "old sins" ever thrown back up.
she simply moves on..
the other refreshing thing is, in times when she is extreemly miffed at me,, her treatment of me never changes. i wil still be treated as her *man*.. no cold shoulder at all,
same amount of attention to what i eat,wear,etc,, and ,converse normally ,
and all the other things in a married life.A stranger would never know she is mad at the moment with me..lol as she confines it completey to whatever topic we had a tiff about.
i'm not nearly as good at confining my emotions to "whatever" singular topic that caused
the tiff.. so in that ,she amazes me.

now there   is the whole extreemly(is there a stronger word than extreem?lol)  stubborn side, her way is the *only* right way of course!
, but we are all perfect here right? lol

anyway this all  may not fit a RW stereotype often portrayed here.
but it is my reality.(and seems like many others)

Actually she's in Ukraine now visiting family (hence me being bored, and more active here recently), calls daily and can't wait to get back "home" where things arent so expensive.
(now there's a twist in the ecomomies huh?)

but that brings up a topic /addendum for this thread.

I trust my wife completely , always have.
she has never given me any reason not to.


This venture doees take a certain mindset ,
i certain level of true self confidence in both parties..
as a long distance  relationship, when just starting.. often withers from jealousy or mistrust
Trust hasnt had time to be earned ,
so initially you must be self confident enough to yes "know your value.."
and also not be completely devasted to your soul,
if things go sideways,,with someone you honestly simply cant know well yet.

a  "whatever will be will be " mentality is a really tough road for many men emotionally ,
even slightly controlling jealouse types, on either side, will be sorely tested..

now AFTER an established relationship. its quite likely your spouse will travel to the home country , and that trust will still be paramount.

this isnt much different than any marriage of course, as trust is always a key..,
but your spouse being half way around the world for both the man and the woman,,
could bring up plenty of issues if they are not self confident and a lot of trust built into the foundation of thier relationship?

guys who would dwell on *what she is doing *
(or women dwelling on *where thier man is*,,what he is up to*
 while shes away)
are not personality types that will have much luck in this?

an insecure person is going to go crazy.

as even in thier new country, most RW are going to get some serious attention.
they have an accent ,different/exotic sounding looking, they typically dress a bit better or more feminine /sexy. a cultural thing.
and honestly to many guys, just simply a bit more interesteing, for no other reason
than  they are not from "here" ,so an easy way to strike up a conversation..
(no different than a aussie guy coming to the states women will find him interesting from the accent alone)

[Ronnie]

KenC, If Lena reads this you'll regret some of these "trifectas" you've got going on.  She may know someone who can fix the race 

After reading this thread yesterday, I decided I would wear my "outside clothes" inside all day (I work from my home office).  She fussed and fumed and gave me grief about it all day but I didn't relent.  I might even do it again tomorrow!

Ronnie, you probably know too little RW, or RW of some particular type, with damaged DNA. I cannot believe that so many women could be so ill mannered as you write. 

Lily,
I think I dated way too many, but now that I think back they were mostly Ukrainians or Russians living in Ukraine.  If there is one slight difference between RW and UW, this might be it.  Ukrainians have been made to feel inferior by Russian jokes about them, etc.  And, of course Holodomor...to Ukrainians it seems it was yesterday just like the Muslim talk about the crusades like it just happened yesterday.  It is no wonder Ukrainians now want total independence from Russia.

Anyway, I think it's not just UW or RW, my AW wives..yes both of them.... never apologized or admitted to a mistake.  But I won't give up hope.  I think I'll buy a bottle of champagne and put a label on it.."to be opened in the event of a certain occasion" and let my wife guess what that occasion might be.  Then when that day should come that she says, "I'm sorry" (I'll take it in any language), I'll shout Hallelujah and pop the stopper!

[AnastassiaAsh]

The topic of not apologizing or no communication pops up so often but at the same time is so strange to me because i never had any of such problems with my husband or really in life. Most of the time I shop by myself and those times when we are together I go my way and he goes his way and we meet later at the check out. What's the problem? Is it so hard to say: "Honey, let's meet here in 25 min." or "I'll be right there and will be back in 10 min"... Of course i will always let my husband know where I am and he will do the same. It seems to me, maybe it's not a RW thing, but just depends on the character and how confident she feels about herself, her man and their relationship. What's up with these 'biting' remarks, silence treatments or whatever? It is as foreign to me as for you, dear men. If i am wrong I would be the one to run and apologize right then and there or in about 15 min or so... 

[AnastassiaAsh]

Here are some important questions for me:

Are you man enough to know exactly what you want, who you want and what kind of woman you want?

Are you man enough to not give up your principles and values when in a very difficult situation, particularly when you are facing a gorgeous woman?

Are you man enough to regularly provide for your future family and have good savings in case of a rainy day?

Are you man enough to do what is right, not what you or your woman wants?

Are you man enough to solve any problem by respectfully, openly and honestly talking with your woman instead of waiting or not addressing it all?

Are you man enough to keep lifting your bar constantly in everything you do and succeed?

Are you man enough to plant a tree, have a good house and raise a son? 

Are you man enough to be honest to yourself?

Are you man enough to sacrifice big part of your interests for the time with your wife and kids?

Are you man enough to exercise regularly?

Are you man enough to raise a child who is not your own, as your own?

Are you man enough to apologize yourself before a woman or anybody else, or your child?

Are you man enough to keep the passionate fire in the relationship alive? 

.............................

[roykirk]

The topic of not apologizing or no communication pops up so often but at the same time is so strange to me because i never had any of such problems with my husband or really in life. Most of the time I shop by myself and those times when we are together I go my way and he goes his way and we meet later at the check out. What's the problem? Is it so hard to say: "Honey, let's meet here in 25 min." or "I'll be right there and will be back in 10 min"... Of course i will always let my husband know where I am and he will do the same. It seems to me, maybe it's not a RW thing, but just depends on the character and how confident she feels about herself, her man and their relationship. What's up with these 'biting' remarks, silence treatments or whatever? It is as foreign to me as for you, dear men. If i am wrong I would be the one to run and apologize right then and there or in about 15 min or so... 

My thoughts exactly while reading this thread.  My ex and I had exactly this same arrangement.  She knew I didn't want to hang out in Macy's for 2 hours, so I'd go one direction and she'd go the other and we'd meet up later.   It worked out great. 

[Jet]

It seems to me, maybe it's not a RW thing, but just depends on the character and how confident she feels about herself, her man and their relationship.

Anastassia, I think you may be on to something here. In the first year of our marriage I recall writing about some of these characteristics in my wife. Her sensitivities regarding fault & blame were much more acute in those days. I remember an incident where I came home and mentioned that I noticed a rip in one of the window screens, and that I would need to fix it on the weekend. I was somewhat shocked by her retort of "It is not my fault! I did not rip the screen. Are you trying to blame me?"  I came to understand that because my comment did not include any acceptance of blame, she expected the SHE was being blamed, by default. IIRC this incident happened maybe 1 month after we were married, the fourth month for her in the US. Over the first year this behavior subsided to the point of non-existence and it has never been an issue since. At the time I had chalked it up to her Soviet upbringing and the detrimental effects of accepting blame and being caught having made a mistake under the Soviet system, but perhaps it boils down to something more simple, as your statement suggests and it was merely a lack of confidence in herself and her decision to marry a foreign man at the time. Thinking back, there does seem to be a direct relation between her behavior and her self confidence / confidence in the choices she'd made.

[AnastassiaAsh]

It all boils down to confidence in yourself, common sense, lack of insecurities, and most of all trust in you and knowing that you would never blame or hurt her feelings. Even when it seems like it one should first ask and clarify what the other meant, and most often than not they didn't mean to hurt you, it is you who understood it this way. That's when communication is crucial. Hurry to clarify things instead of being hurt first.

I remember when I was with Lance, he was sometimes a funny boyish guy, famous American 'toilet' jokes as i call them ( I hate them  ) were flying out pretty often and also he just liked to 'scare' me, in the dark or from the corner, he loved seeing me startling. Well, i was very mad and told him not to do that ever again, he stopped. But then a little later when i was pregnant 7 or 8 months, with a huge belly, i was going up the stairs to my bedroom at night, there was no light and he scared me to death again! I thought my labor would start right then and there, I felt so bad that i started just literally crying saying that he didn't love me that much if he could even think about doing such a cruel thing... . ..... ..

What can I say now? Insensitive behaviour on his part and me overreacting too.... These are little things that i can think of like negative with Lance, everything else was pretty much really good. 

But with Tim right now, it is heaven! He is a very sensitive man, he kisses my hands, covers me with the blanket and treats me like a little queen, and it seems like he enjoys the process itself. He always says: "If you want to be happy, make your woman first of all happy". And I am sure my love and affection returns back to him seven fold. 

[KenC]

OK, we have had some fun here, but the thread is getting a little off track here and I would like to nudge it back to the subject it was intended to address.  What type of men should not look to the fsu for a wife?

Up thread, Catz had posted:
The following are all intertwined but here are a few things that will paint a big red target on your forehead:
 - Weak personality type
 - Lack of self confidence
 - Submissiveness
 - Indecisiveness
 - Prone to depression or mood problems
 - Lack of patience


This is a good start but can we add to the list?

There is one type of man I would like to identify here that is not covered on this list.  The over confident man.  The type that knows everything and refuses to listen to advice from those who have experience.  I remember one guy in particular from years ago named Wayne.  He debated endlessly that he knew what he was doing and that he possessed the ability to make good snap judgements.  His over confidence blinded him from the obvious potential problems.  Needless to say his quest turned into a disaster.  His quick decisions led him into a half baked relationship and when the relationship faced an obstacle, he was also quick to give the girl the boot.

In a way this over confident man is as blind as the weak men Catz described.  Both are not in touch with reality.  One thinks he "knows" the reality and the other "hopes" his reality will prevail, but both live in their own little world.  Ironically, both types of men are usually in a hurry to start their dream life with their RW.
KenC

[Jumper]

Nastya said
 

Are you man enough to know exactly what you want, who you want and what kind of woman you want?
yes,brunnette,, i dont prefer blondes..
(joking joking i know you meant more serious things )

Are you man enough to not give up your principles and values when in a very difficult situation, particularly when you are facing a gorgeous woman?
yes,absolutely no problem,
but i'll give up my virtue on the first date , to the right girl  

Are you man enough to regularly provide for your future family and have good savings in case of a rainy day?yes

Are you man enough to do what is right, not what you or your woman wants?
yes, but that is often viewed as a *weakeness* by more than a few RW.
many view things that a (business) man needs to be ruthless or he will get knowhere

Are you man enough to solve any problem by respectfully, openly and honestly talking with your woman instead of waiting or not addressing it all?
yes.i'm actually very good at that,,,
but  unfortuantly i'll sometimes reflect back immaturity, if its shown to me

Are you man enough to keep lifting your bar constantly in everything you do and succeed?
i naturally do so,,so the answer is yes..
but success is relative, if i am providing for my family well,that is success,
i am  the type of person always moving forward.
however  expecting the bar to be raised *significantly* ,and *constantly* , is unfair.
and i had a realtionship within someone in the past who was like that,
 it is not for me.
 i am no beast of burden that will happily toil endlessly for even greater success for someone else, they have a good mind, two hands ,two feet, if what i have accomplished and the rate or pace i am accomplshing it at , is not enough for them ,then they should use thier own hands to accomplish thier own goals or to work together towards the family ones.

Are you man enough to plant a tree, have a good house and raise a son?  
lol yes i've done/still doing that

Are you man enough to be honest to yourself?
brutally honest,  and with others

Are you man enough to sacrifice big part of your interests for the time with your wife and kids?
yes,(this i certainly live)
but that comes with a caveat.i will make huge sacrifices,but i do expect my family recogonize i have hobbies and interests as well. It is afterall my family, and I have the same right to *some* personal time for such things as they enjoy..
 I do not view the role of *family man*  to be a *completely* self sacrificial subserveant position,with my only happiness coming from providing for others.
I did not sign up to be merely mobnk, servant /provider,
i do not expect my wife..to be that..
 i wouldn't think she would expect it from me .
i do have a lot of friends that marred  women who treat them this way.

Are you man enough to exercise regularly?
LOL! i am
but i dont hit the gym often...
I'm far too active to really need to..a lot exercise comes from what i do,,what i enjoy,,
but yes if needed, i woud hit the gym and be dedicated to it, i owe it to myself ,
my wife, and my kids to take care of my health.

Are you man enough to raise a child who is not your own, as your own?
absolutley!! and enjoy it..
.. but in my experience many RW have a difficult time with this,,it  is  a challenge for many of them , if it is not thier child

Are you man enough to apologize yourself before a woman or anybody else, or your child? absolutely no problem

Are you man enough to keep the passionate fire in the relationship alive?  
yes!  

Anastasia good questions,,
and a good example of the type of probing questions that both the men and women should be asking each other in thier communications-
 wether in person, on the phone or email..

[AnastassiaAsh]

hahaha, AJ, i didn't really expect anybody to actually answer those, but that's cool! I totally agree with lots of things you wrote except that little one thing - about virtue on the first date.  Other than that you are goooood! 

[Ronnie]

I'd like to try to keep the topic on track and at the same time address something AA said about going shopping and agreeing to meet up at a certain time and place.

First point is..what would a MAN want with roaming through the mall by himself?  He's there usually only at her request!  Which usually only happens when she wants punish to him for something but can't find the waterboard.

Second point...
Not all women are as reasonable as AA.  And, yes I know that's an understatement.  Case in point (and bringing it back to topic):  After allowing a UW to drag me all over the Odessa burbs one day while she interviewed for a second job, the next day when she wanted to subject me to the same misery.  I said, I've got some things to attend to so lets meet at a certain place and time, whenever you think your interviews will be done. 

She didn't want to do it.  Wanted instead to replay the previous day.  Now, I'm pretty a understanding guy and don't want to unduly impose demands on other people's time and energy, but at the same time I expect others to be at least as considerate.  After a very short discussion I finally just said, "when and where do you want to meet?"  We were standing on the sidewalk at the time and she just snarled, "Ne Znayu!", whirled around and walked off.  In the 90 seconds or so that it took for her to disappear from view, I debated what the future with this woman would be like if I followed her. 

I determined to not go there. Instead, I returned to my apartment and made arrangements to leave for Dnepropetrovsk.  The lady doctor called me repeatly over the next 24 hours, and I'll be honest, had she apologized or even suggested she maybe shouldn't have behaved the way she did, she might have become my wife.  But, she didn't.  And I've net regretted for a second having stuck with my decision to not put up with stuff I knew would only be the tip of a destructive iceberg.

So this was not a woman who had any reason to be insecure or lack self confidence.  She was a doctor after all and despite the low pay, they still are revered in Ukraine as in all other countries.

I agree with Jet, that it had to be from Soviet mentality where you never ever admit you did something that can be viewed as wrong.  The standard procedure in those days was to deny, deny, deny even if the gun in your hand is still smoking.  Younger women like LenaC and AA may not have been infected with that old mentality.

[Ronnie]

AA, Your list of questions was interesting.  Have you got a list for the woman?  Seems to me the last question has more to do with the woman than the man...(you see, I sometimes listen to Dr. Laura  )

[AnastassiaAsh]

- What would a MAN want with roaming through the mall by himself?

- DVDs, CDs, computers, laptops, computer games and other gadgets....

There will be lots of same things on the list for a woman. In fact i can't think of anything that would be really different for a woman. I have done all of those things except raising somebody's child. It seems to me I won't be able to do that. 

The last thing I mentioned about keeping the passion alive - is for both! I mean a man should be the initiator and his woman should reciprocate.

[Wolf]

  What would I do with this shopping thing?
   I would search for a terrace or a coffe, I would sit there and start reading the newspaper or a book and I would tell her we would meet there  at agreed time. If there is a delay of more than half hour I would leave to do my  things. It is not the first time I have done it and I donīt believe it would be my last.
   I hope my English  hasnīt disimproved with the time   

[catzenmouse]

I'd be interested in what some of the other ladies think about this.

vwrw, mischief, pitbull, Lily?

What kind of men have you come across that you feel should have not attempted to find a FSUW?

Any similar traits?

Things about them that made you wonder what was wrong with them?