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Author Topic: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."  (Read 33586 times)

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Offline Tag-n-bag

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"I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« on: July 30, 2010, 03:24:26 PM »
If you were to combine the following movies:
•   “From Russia With Love”
•   “You’ve Got Mail”
•   “The Exorcist”
•   “Saw XXX”

into only one movie, what would the name of this movie be?

1.   “From The Exorcist With Love”
2.   “You’ve Got A  Psycho On The Line”
3.   “My First Real Time Chat Session With A RW”
4.   All of the above.

The answer is number 4.

I was all worked up about installing Skype on my laptop so I could actually speak with some of the Skype contacts I got from women at Elena’s Models. To this point, I had only corresponded with any of these woman via email. Having the chance to hear their voice would be a nice change I thought. I have to say that I am not very impressed with Skype so far. I have yet to be able to have a call connected and instant messaging is more like homemade messaging…it’s slow, especially when it’s 2:00 AM and you’re doing your best to stay awake.
It was during these wee hours of the morning when I began to sense that the chat session I was having with a 30 yo RW from Moscow was starting to go terribly wrong.

Talk about lost in translation!

My God, what did I say to this woman?

I may just sent Russian-US relations back to the cold war.

I have read the transcript of this session several times and I still don’t know what I may have said to set this woman off. The next thing I know she’s telling me how much she didn’t like ‘americans’ and how I was mocking her, Russians and the Motherland. WHAT? I politely offered my apologies if had had offended her, told her that if I did it was not intentional and asked her to please explain what I had said that was so terrible. She then bid me good night and wrote me off like a bad check.

I have posted the pertinent portion of our last chat in the hopes that one of you can either tell me what I said wrong, or offer me some advice as to where I can hide from this woman.

[2:39:50 AM] ME: hi RW
[2:40:10 AM] RW: hi
[2:40:23 AM] ME: r u at work?
[2:40:28 AM] RW: aha
[2:40:39 AM] RW: today is Friday (dance)
[2:40:42 AM] RW: :)
[2:40:53 AM] RW: nobody in office
[2:41:00 AM] RW: )))))
[2:41:05 AM] ME: party time!
 [2:41:55 AM] ME: what r u doing tonight?
[2:43:21 AM] RW: going to go to my friend
[2:43:35 AM] RW: out of Moscow
[2:43:36 AM] ME: okay then what?
[2:44:19 AM] ME: you are driving out of the city?
[2:44:26 AM] RW: for resting close to Nature
 [2:44:42 AM] ME: i love this about you guys
[2:45:02 AM] RW: ?????
[2:45:40 AM] ME: "resting in nature"
 [2:45:51 AM] RW: hm
[2:46:06 AM] ME: what does "resting in nature" mean exactly?
[2:46:18 AM] ME: like a vacation?
[2:46:33 AM] RW: r u telling about my chinese english maybe?
[2:46:38 AM] RW: :)
 [2:47:40 AM] ME: in Russia do many people have weekend rest in nature type houses?
[2:49:46 AM] RW: yes
[2:49:59 AM] RW: can imagene?
[2:50:20 AM] RW: imagine
[2:50:23 AM] RW: : ))
[2:50:25 AM] ME: this is great
[2:50:32 AM] ME: i want a house like this
[2:51:16 AM] ME: maybe i should move into one and live in the woods 8-)
[2:51:37 AM] RW: is it funny for u to talk with russian?
[2:51:39 AM] RW:  :)
[2:51:45 AM] ME: you speak chinese english?
[2:51:50 AM] RW: aha
[2:51:55 AM] RW: :)
[2:52:04 AM] ME: yes
[2:52:27 AM] ME: i can do okay typing though
[2:52:48 AM] RW: ah come on
[2:52:54 AM] RW: ur russian worst
[2:52:57 AM] RW: anyway
[2:52:58 AM] ME: tell me what you do when you "rest in nature" all weekend
[2:53:24 AM] ME: do you swim?

This is where it began to go south…read it carefully because I still don’t get it.

[2:53:49 AM] RW:  that's why don't cavil (quibble-I had to look up ‘cavil’ in the dictionary) at every word
 [2:54:29 AM] RW: I don't like ur style of communication
[2:54:29 AM] ME: cavil?
[2:54:48 AM] RW:  that's why wish u good night and bye
[2:54:56 AM] ME: what is wrong?
[2:55:26 AM] ME: I don’t understand RW
[2:56:17 AM] RW: u r talking with mockery
[2:56:32 AM] ME: i don’t mean to be
 [2:57:23 AM] ME: I'm sorry if i insulted you RW
[2:57:33 AM] ME: if i did so it was unintentional
[2:57:51 AM] RW: because u r not so clever man it seems

This is where it got a little strange.

[2:58:13 AM] RW: I don't like american like american don't like russian
[2:58:20 AM] ME: RW, maybe because you don’t know me, you are translating what I say out of context.
[2:58:25 AM] RW: that's why good bye dear american
[2:59:17 AM] ME: I'm sorry RW, I really don’t understand what has upset you
[2:59:44 AM] ME: but if you do not want to chat again, I understand
[2:59:57 AM] ME: take care
[3:00:23 AM] ME: bye
[3:00:34 AM] RW: bye

« Last Edit: July 30, 2010, 03:27:26 PM by Tag-n-bag »

Offline Jooky

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #1 on: July 30, 2010, 03:48:21 PM »
This is where you 'went wrong'...

[2:44:42 AM] ME: i love this about you guys
[2:45:02 AM] RW: ??
[2:45:40 AM] ME: "resting in nature"
[2:45:51 AM] RW: hm
[2:46:06 AM] ME: what does "resting in nature" mean exactly?
[2:46:18 AM] ME: like a vacation?
[2:46:33 AM] RW: r u telling about my chinese english maybe?

Because either you're not 'clever' enough to know what she means by 'resting close to nature', or you're teasing her about her English and she doesn't like it.

So, she doesn't like your style of communication. Don't sweat it. You're not going to click with every girl that comes along.

I do recommend you drop the net speak with the 'r' and 'u' for several reasons. If you're communicating with a truly educated woman it will make you come across as uneducated. If she's using an online translator it will make the translation more difficult for her (this woman apparently wasn't using one). Mostly, I just think it's retarded.  :P

Offline GQBlues

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #2 on: July 30, 2010, 03:49:31 PM »
Wow! Not the dreaded 'C' word!?! Cavil is simply not something you say to a woman, let alone one from Russia.  :P That is what started the revolution, man..

You obviously over-cavilled this woman's attempt to communicate with you. Wait until she comes back to cavil the heck out of you...
Quote from: msmob
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3. N95 mask will choke you dead after 30 min. of use.

Offline Tag-n-bag

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #3 on: July 30, 2010, 03:52:21 PM »
You may be right, but I don't know. The day before we chatted for a minute and out of no where she starts saying bullshit this and bullshit that and how all RW are not free...yada, yada, yada.

I have no idea what prompted this outburst. She wasn't upset with me so I suppose she was just venting.

Offline Gator

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #4 on: July 30, 2010, 03:56:35 PM »
Tag,

The name of the film is Lost in Translation!

Much gets lost in translation, not just translation of words but translation of cultural attitudes.

Don't worry.  It will happen again with another woman.  It will happen after you believe that you may know a woman.  It happens.  

In this case, please recognize that RW are sensitive about their English and most apologize even though they can communicate freely.  Keep telling them that their English is "very good."  Remind them how little you know in Russian, yet one day you want to learn.  Respond "Not true" to "Chinese English" and the like.

Never try to decipher an obvious misunderstanding.  Fruitless.

Chalk this one up to experience.  Call other women.  Keep practicing.  You can even try to call this woman again.  Perhaps she has forgotten.  Perhaps not.  You will eventually click with a couple.

Offline SMS60

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #5 on: July 30, 2010, 03:58:19 PM »
At 2:54:48 you should have kept your dignity and told her bye. My gosh, you were coming across as a little puppy dog.

But, this was a good learning experience. I suggest to move on to another contact. Keep in mind yopu are the prize and deserve some respect. Once you don't receive it move on. This one was practice.

Teen age dating is so much fun............
Quote from: Simoni on Today at 09:06:15 AM
But my understanding is that "Anything Goes" does not really mean "anything" if that "anything" violates the TOS.

Offline Gator

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #6 on: July 30, 2010, 04:10:42 PM »
Tag,

Keep attempting Skype.  To work well, you must have a fast connection and a computer running smoothly.  Much better than what you are attempting.

If 'cavil' threw you, here are some others that you should be prepared for:  repose, cozy, sanatorium....

A RW once told me that she did not like writing, she preferred intercourse.

Plus, you need to avoid your Jersey colloquialisms:

[2:44:42 AM] ME: i love this about you guys

Even if she understood 'you guys' it reveals that you are talking with many women.  Thats a "No No."

Offline Tag-n-bag

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #7 on: July 30, 2010, 04:18:41 PM »
At 2:54:48 you should have kept your dignity and told her bye. My gosh, you were coming across as a little puppy dog.

But, this was a good learning experience. I suggest to move on to another contact. Keep in mind yopu are the prize and deserve some respect. Once you don't receive it move on. This one was practice.

Teen age dating is so much fun............

I was being a gentleman.

Apparently the definition of gentleman varies from culture to culture. Maybe I should have burped or farted or something.

Offline SMS60

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #8 on: July 30, 2010, 04:34:55 PM »
I was being a gentleman.

Apparently the definition of gentleman varies from culture to culture. Maybe I should have burped or farted or something.

No, you should have politely said good bye. Being the apologetic nice guy is not always a nice as you think. You should look at dating in another view. You are looking at it as being polite and nice to make her like you. You are actually manipulating to achieve her attention. But you dont see it that way. Your eyes should be on you. Do what is respectable to you and it will always look better in the ladies eyes.

« Last Edit: July 30, 2010, 04:37:59 PM by SMS60 »
Quote from: Simoni on Today at 09:06:15 AM
But my understanding is that "Anything Goes" does not really mean "anything" if that "anything" violates the TOS.

Offline Jumper

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #9 on: July 30, 2010, 04:57:36 PM »
Tag-
it happens .. as mentioned you are not going to hit it off with every RW..
and even ones you do, you will have some misunderstandings ,
both language and culturally related.

I'd certainy second jooky and gators advice to avoid slang ,, one letter words and *sms message stylings*..

Also skype works very well here..
if it isn't for you .. figure out why?

vid is usually good, can sometimes be a bit off, but voice and text should be smooth..
(why where you texting anyway? was the vid or voice that messed up?)

If you were not aware,
 you can also use a mail.ru account to do video chats now
(similar to skype) it is a new added feature in it's "my world " section.


Hey no need to figure out what happened,
my guess is she had a bit of prerconveived notions about you (or americans) beforehand,
perhaps unintentionally you reinforced it.
 with the reference to english ,even though she was trying to joke about it,,
and  not understanding what she meant by going with friends to nature ..
with some  inference it's what you love about "her people"
(that could be taken deragotoraly ,quite easily)
it set off her .. "nyet" alarm.. )
  
better luck next time..
 :D


« Last Edit: July 30, 2010, 04:59:28 PM by AJ »
.

Offline SANDRO43

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #10 on: July 30, 2010, 05:02:23 PM »
[2:44:26 AM] RW: for resting close to Nature
 [2:44:42 AM] ME: i love this about you guys
[2:45:02 AM] RW: ?????
[2:45:40 AM] ME: "resting in nature"
 [2:45:51 AM] RW: hm
[2:46:06 AM] ME: what does "resting in nature" mean exactly?

CAUTIONARY NOTICE TO CHATTERS WITH FSUW

Among other valuable information, our RWDpedia contains a Russglish Glossary (http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/mwiki/index.php/Russglish_Glossary) that already includes expressions like Rest on (the) nature. Chatters are advised to have a read-through to avoid possible misunderstandings and resulting cavils ;D.

BTW, it's always open to further contributions :).
Milan's "Duomo"

Offline Blues Fairy

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #11 on: July 30, 2010, 05:05:00 PM »
This girl seems very defensive about her English skills - and not too polite in expressing that, either.  

I will once again reiterate my advice in such a situation: if some RW's behavior looks like, sounds like, and smells like extremely bad manners, it probably is, and PLEASE do not attribute that to cultural, language, or any other differences.  A well-bred and well-meaning person will find a way to express herself politely regardless of her language ability.

Offline I/O

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #12 on: July 30, 2010, 06:10:25 PM »
Tag: Lost in the communication is your failure to recognise an illmannered individual in part and inability to write in a way easily E-translated which she was probably doing. My writing isn't exactly exemplary but I learend very early on when using IM's that accuracy, punctuation and importantly, Capitalisation are important. Suggest you use an E-tranlator such as www.translation.paralink.com for a little practice. Switch on the "Back" translator, copy your text in there and watch what happens. You'll find a range of subsitute words over time that will facilitate reasonable communication.

Alternatively, do the logical thing, find someone who speaks English and has decent manners. :rolleyes2:

Offline Tag-n-bag

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #13 on: July 30, 2010, 07:03:00 PM »
Tag: Lost in the communication is your failure to recognise an illmannered individual in part and inability to write in a way easily E-translated which she was probably doing. My writing isn't exactly exemplary but I learend very early on when using IM's that accuracy, punctuation and importantly, Capitalisation are important. Suggest you use an E-tranlator such as www.translation.paralink.com for a little practice. Switch on the "Back" translator, copy your text in there and watch what happens. You'll find a range of subsitute words over time that will facilitate reasonable communication.

Alternatively, do the logical thing, find someone who speaks English and has decent manners. :rolleyes2:
[/quote

Thanks, great idea!

Offline Gylden

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #14 on: July 31, 2010, 12:11:18 AM »
To the contrary, I think this is very good proof how well skype does work. You were exchanging e-mails with her for a while, without making the discovery of how she really is. The discovery you were able to make through skype took rather a small amount of your time.

You are getting educated in many aspects of cultural differences vs. bad attitude/personality problems at a must faster rate. Think about if you went to the FSU before making these discoveries and made them in person. Much worse scenario!

Welcome to the next level!!
 ;)






Offline Ranetka

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #15 on: July 31, 2010, 02:12:33 AM »
You p*ssed her off not only mocking her English skills you also talking down using "you guys".
Your comment came across as patronizing. Making joke of someone's ability to talk, walk or whatever is not always funny for the recipient especially if you making a joke about the whole class of people.

If I were her I would have asked you who exactly are "you guys" and what exactly is so funny. And why exactly do you think it is acceptable to laugh at someones language skills, would you laugh at the disabled person's limping?

Her English is limited so whe had to be rude to say the same.




There are shortcuts to happiness and dancing is one of them.

I do resent the fact that most people never question or think for themselves. I don't want to be normal. I just want to find some other people that are odd in the same ways that I am. OP.

Offline Doll

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #16 on: July 31, 2010, 04:22:45 AM »
You p*ssed her off not only mocking her English skills you also talking down using "you guys".
Your comment came across as patronizing. Making joke of someone's ability to talk, walk or whatever is not always funny for the recipient especially if you making a joke about the whole class of people.

If I were her I would have asked you who exactly are "you guys" and what exactly is so funny. And why exactly do you think it is acceptable to laugh at someones language skills, would you laugh at the disabled person's limping?

Her English is limited so whe had to be rude to say the same.





Agree 100%

Offline Doll

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #17 on: July 31, 2010, 04:39:51 AM »
Quote
You are getting educated in many aspects of cultural differences vs. bad attitude/personality problems at a must faster rate. Think about if you went to the FSU before making these discoveries and made them in person. Much worse scenario!
You have no clue what it is to learn a foreign language! This girl lives in Russia, tries her best to talk and sure she makes mistakes! It is only natural but the guy mocks he English so many times! This is a bad scenario!

Offline I/O

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #18 on: July 31, 2010, 05:50:47 AM »
Doll and Ranetka: You can make as many excuses as you like but this................
Quote
I don't like american like american don't like russian
..............is childish illmannered BS regardless of the circumstances.

I've travelled the length and breadth of Russia more than a few times and the only people I've heard resort to that nonsense were those I wouldn't p!ss on if they were burning (very few I might add). :rolleyes2:

Offline Doll

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #19 on: July 31, 2010, 05:59:36 AM »
Quote
I don't like american like american don't like russian
Not sure what she meant.

Offline I/O

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #20 on: July 31, 2010, 06:04:06 AM »
Not sure what she meant.
Why am I not surprised? I wouldn't expect you to stoop to that level of understanding.

Offline brad5959

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #21 on: July 31, 2010, 06:19:24 AM »
Not sure what she meant.

she is saying that she does not like Americans, and that Americans do not like Russians.

just horse manure, that's all.  she became offended for no reason whatsoever.

Offline Shadow

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #22 on: July 31, 2010, 06:26:16 AM »
she is saying that she does not like Americans, and that Americans do not like Russians.

just horse manure, that's all.  she became offended for no reason whatsoever.
She should have said that the mutual differences in culture are often underappreciated. ;D
No it is not a dog. Its really how I look.  ;)

Offline Doll

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #23 on: July 31, 2010, 06:42:55 AM »
Why am I not surprised? I wouldn't expect you to stoop to that level of understanding.
I do not know why you are not surprised.
One thing is clear- you can't insult people (mocking in this case). This is the road to nowhere.
Language, food, habits, everything need to be respected or you don't go to another country.

Offline Doll

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Re: "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate..."
« Reply #24 on: July 31, 2010, 06:46:01 AM »
Guys, the word "like" can be (in her understanding) "how". There is no punctuation so we are not sure what she was going to say. The girl was offended, this is for sure.

 

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