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Author Topic: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?  (Read 9801 times)

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Offline 392ihc

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Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« on: October 07, 2009, 06:41:36 PM »
Hello my friends!  I post again after two "high-learning curve" trips to Ukraine in the last year.  Those two trips were attempted WM/VM.  I have "dated" maybe 12 UA women during these two trips and one lady from Moldova.  Some of these ladies were true scammers; some were very genuine and pleasant people.  The only woman I was really interested in seeing again was in Kiev but she strongly suggested that I meet other women and we be only friends!   

For the last two months I have been in serious contact with a lady from Moscow.  This relationship was totally unique for me from the start because she wrote to me and I responded even though she did not have a picture posted on LL.  Normally I do not write to a woman who does not have a picture.  We have sent emails, sms, have chatted live with web cam, and spoken on the phone.  We have chatted live for probably over 50 hours total.  Sometimes she stays up until 4:00 in the morning in her time to chat with me!  Her English is passable but difficult to understand on the phone.  She does much better with the "typed chat" feature on MSN Live. But when we speak my Russian is improving because of my committment to learning it and she just "glows" when I speak my basic Russian to her!  Unless you have experienced this yourself you cannot imagine how much these women enjoy a foreign man who at least tries to speak Rooskee!  We have daily contact of some sort.  Everything about this relationship is different from all of the others.  She insisted early on that she will not spend one day with me if I am rich!!  She offered to find an apartment in Moscow for me near her apartment and that she will pay the booking fee for me to hold it. So, with this background I should tell you have a ticket for Moskva for the end of this month.  As an aside I want to tell you that my ticket on Delta from Denver to Moskva was only $614.00.  This is half what I paid last July to fly to Kyiv!  She and I both are very excited about our time together.  Of course I had to pay for a Russian visa (30 days) and now she wants me to change my length of stay from two weeks to four!  She has assured me that she will stay with me during all of this time.  (God, I hope she never reads this!)  I add here that obviously this is a WO/VO trip.

Sounds pretty fantastic, right?  Kharasho kanyeshna!  So what the hell am I on here  to ask about?  Just go and have a great time, right?

Well, this darling lady has one trait that I find very annoying if not down right destructive.  About once a week she totally "loses it" and starts ranting things I consider to be total nonsense about our relationship.  She will deny my feelings for her, suggest that after this initial visit she will never see me again, or she will be left alone for months before I return.  The first rant occured after she told her brother she had invited me to Russia for a visit.  She made the mistake of telling him that I had been to UA twice already!  So he ragged on American men telling her we are only sex tourists and warned her against seeing me!  Well, she continued to "see" me but the entire next converstion was about other UA women I saw and questions about my intentions with her now......and full of "Mike, I don't know".  Yesterday she went off again after at least an hour of very warm and pleasant chatting.  I could not understand what triggered the episode yesterday.  I told her things were still good between us and she told me "NO, not all things".  I told her she meant the world to me and she said, "Don't write me these things!"

While she is "under the influence of her demon" I have been very kind, loving, and supportive.  I repeat things she loves to hear from me--even some in Russian.  Usually this doesn't even slow her down!  While chatting I just sit there while her lines keep rolling up on my screen........then I will ask her if she is done.  Then I try again to tell her kind and loving things.  Maybe then this will start to slow her down some.  But before I respond I make her promise me she will listen and not type to me!  When she is like this there is no point in trying to speak anything rational to her.  I realize that these behaviors in all of us usually are a sign of our fear and insecurity, which is why I have so far attempted to reassure her at these times.

Later the next day she is like nothing happened!  But still I call her on it and tell her I do not like this...and that it is very unpleasant for me when she does this.  I have told her I wonder where my sweet XXXXXX goes and I cannot find her when this happens!  Each time she tells me she is sorry and she will always be GG for me in the future!  (Good Girl).  I emailed her after she went to bed yesterday and told her I was very worried and we would speak more today.  I called her today and she told me she was wrong.  We could not chat today because my server was down......we did make arrangements to chat tomorrow even if I take my laptop to a WIFI location!

So, finally I get around to asking my question!!  In YOUR experiences, dating, loving, marrying, living with, or breaking up from Slavic women, does anyone else see any issues similar to what I have described?  And, if so, how do you deal with it?  How much do you allow these things to bother you?  Also, how do you think RM deal with this?  I mean beside getting drunk!

Now, if I can be so bold here, I really don't need a response explaining to me how all women are different and on and on and on, ad nauseaum.  Please just tell me da or nyet.....  If da, then maybe tell me how you have handled it.  AND, I am NOT asking  anyone to tell me to end this relationship, marry her tomorrow, run away as fast as I can......I am very capable of making this decision on my own.  Thanks anyway.  I add this because many posts here, IMO, get hijacked and taken to some esoteric, philosphical no man's land which have very marginal value. Again, only my opinion! 

Real responses I always appreciate and will always consider thoughtfully.

Thanks,
Mike in Wyoming

Offline ECOCKS

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #1 on: October 07, 2009, 06:52:06 PM »
Da.

Advice: Stay calm. Let it run it's course. Stay calm. Be sure she's finished, then ask what she wants to do about any of the things she ranted about. Stay firm, remind her you love her (or care for her depending upon your stage of things) and do what you can to address any legitimate concerns you pick up during the rants.

Prediction: Assuming everything else worked out and this becomes a long-term relationship for you and her, the frequency of these will lengthen out to much more tolerable and somewhat predictable intervals.

Good Luck!
Pick and choose carefully among the advice offered and consider the source carefully. PM, Skype or email if you care to chat or discuss

Offline 392ihc

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #2 on: October 07, 2009, 06:56:07 PM »
Oh, bad me!  Forgot to tell you she is 48, widowed, has a 25 year old daughter.  Lives in an apartment with daughter and babushka.  She had her own business until the crisis....now only a job for hourly wages which she calls "funny money"!

Online Faux Pas

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #3 on: October 07, 2009, 06:57:28 PM »
I second ECOCKS here Mike but with an add-on. Don't use the Slavic angle when evaluating this woman. Would you put up with and react the same way with a woman that you were chatting/contemplating meeting in your next town?

She has as much or more reason to stay on the defensive with you as you do with her but if she is as irrational as you state here IMO thats a personality trait and really has little to do with Slavonic culture

Offline Doll

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #4 on: October 07, 2009, 06:58:55 PM »
Bi-polar?

Offline Blues Fairy

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #5 on: October 07, 2009, 07:12:24 PM »
Agree with Faux Pas.  If anything in her behavior looks like, smells like, and sounds like extremely bad manners - by common human standards - it probably is, and don't make "Slavic" excuses for her, it's ridiculous.  Next time something that seriously bothers you happens again, tell her calmly but firmly that you will tolerate it no longer.  If she is reasonable, she'll reconsider her behavior; if she is not, maybe you should reconsider this woman.

BTW maybe I'm mistaken, but it sounds like you guys act way too romantic for a couple who haven't even met and are not technically a couple yet.

Offline Misha

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #6 on: October 07, 2009, 07:16:33 PM »
In YOUR experiences, dating, loving, marrying, living with, or breaking up from Slavic women, does anyone else see any issues similar to what I have described? 

Нет, никогда.

Offline 392ihc

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #7 on: October 07, 2009, 07:18:17 PM »
Spaseeba!  This is what I needed to read!   Thanks very much! 
Mike

Offline Vaughn

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #8 on: October 07, 2009, 07:21:45 PM »
Well, this darling lady has one trait that I find very annoying if not down right destructive.  About once a week she totally "loses it" and starts ranting things I consider to be total nonsense about our relationship.  She will deny my feelings for her, suggest that after this initial visit she will never see me again, or she will be left alone for months before I return.

Based on the usual perceptions, her fears are quite real - will the ladies in Ukraine ever see you again? Since you are
more than willing to lay the blame on her for telling her brother about your previous trips, what are we left to think?

Treat her with kid gloves. This isn't nonsense to her. She doesn't want to be in the chorus line. Consider that your
overabundance of information was a questionable tactic, and conduct your future with her accordingly. The degree
to which she rants is an entirely other matter, one on which we can only speculate. Is it a dysfunctional rant - or merely
some direct and pointed jealousy of which you're also willing to assign blame?
« Last Edit: October 07, 2009, 07:23:30 PM by Vaughn »

Offline Doll

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #9 on: October 07, 2009, 07:23:03 PM »
Quote
She insisted early on that she will not spend one day with me if I am rich!!
 
 :D :D :D :D

Offline JR

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #10 on: October 07, 2009, 07:40:19 PM »
How she behaves now is how she will behave in the future. Sorry 392, but she will never stop the rants. The subjects may change but the method of delivery won't.

If you can't stand it now what makes you think you'll like it better ten years?

I was married to a women such as this for over ten years and I'll tell you frankly that things will not change. She doesn't recognize there is something wrong with her bahavior, the "sorry" is just candy coating to help you swallow it.

What the hell are you doing sending her sweet nothings when she's ripping you a new one? Turn the damn puter off and walk away. Not that it'll do any good. She isn't going to change. But don't grovel at her feet, she will only despise you for it.

So here's the question: "Is this the kind of behavior you want to spend the rest of your life with?" That is what you have to come to terms with.
Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else :)

Offline Daveman

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #11 on: October 07, 2009, 08:02:06 PM »
Well, from my observations, Slavic women can be a bit on the fiery side, wear their moods on their sleeves, and also can be quite argumentative when the mood strikes them. However, you are speaking about a ranting woman whom you've never even met. Many guys have described this outburst type behavior during the "adjustment" phase.  But geez, a little over the top for someone you've never met in person and even more so since it occurs on a frequent basis. 
The duty of a true patriot is to protect his country from its government. -- Thomas Paine

Offline 392ihc

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #12 on: October 07, 2009, 09:16:35 PM »
Hey!  Thanks for all the thoughts here!  Great stuff for me to think about, of course.
Several of you are correct in stating this is not to be considered a Slavic issue but a personal, perhaps feminine issue.  Very true.

Not that it really matters to the validity of the question but I will freely tell you that I never slept with any of the women in UA, I do not correspond with any of them and I have no intention of seeing any of them again.  I told XXXXX this only because she asked me  about it.  Her response to me?  "That is not normal!"  Did she believe me?  Maybe some days yes, maybe some days no.  Only she knows for sure.  Do you believe me?  I don't care!  So, let's see who wants to slice and dice this tidbit!  I ain't one of them guys!

Are we too "involved" for not even met yet?  Yes.  I think this may be a possible cause for the fear and insecurity for her....too much too quickly.  Fear and insecurity in me?  Sure......but I know I will walk away before I will commit to a lifetime of this if it continues to bother me.....  I've done this with AW and I don't care how good a cook she is or how great the sex may be.....I am not going to choose this in my life as a regular diet.  So, I'm going to Moskva and I will find out.  This is actually exactly what I told her....she needs to see the real Mike and not internet Mike and vice versa.  And, I told her we need to be together long enough to have an argument!!  Sounds crazy to you maybe, but I believe a couple must learn early how they handle conflict in the relationship!!  I find it extremely revealing about your chances together.  Will I stay the full 30 days?  I don't know yet.

Offline JR

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #13 on: October 07, 2009, 09:34:31 PM »

 perhaps feminine issue.  Absolutely NOT!!! This is a character trait.


but I believe a couple must learn early how they handle conflict in the relationship!! 


Conflict resolution is very important. My guess is she is going to be a volcanoe :) Wish you the best and hope it works out well for you!
Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else :)

Offline Daveman

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #14 on: October 07, 2009, 09:39:36 PM »
Hey!  Thanks for all the thoughts here!  Great stuff for me to think about, of course.
Several of you are correct in stating this is not to be considered a Slavic issue but a personal, perhaps feminine issue.  Very true.

Not that it really matters to the validity of the question but I will freely tell you that I never slept with any of the women in UA, I do not correspond with any of them and I have no intention of seeing any of them again.  I told XXXXX this only because she asked me  about it.  Her response to me?  "That is not normal!"  Did she believe me?  Maybe some days yes, maybe some days no.  Only she knows for sure.  Do you believe me?  I don't care!  So, let's see who wants to slice and dice this tidbit!  I ain't one of them guys!



okay, here is something with which I had to come to terms early on.  They view sex entirely differently than most AW.  For them, sex is absolutely a normal part of men and women being in proximity (well, that's a stretch, but not much of one). Here's the catch -- they love sex and love men who love sex -- so what's the catch? well, they just don't get our holdover puritan thoughts about sex.  So, for you to have visited women, naturally, you would have had sex. They scream and bitch about sex tourists, but hey, there would be no sex tourists iffen they weren't puttin' out (I would advise against mentioning that simple fact... trust me.. I learned the hard way.. also, don't make the request "will the virgins in this conversation please stand up?"..  ).  So the sex thing is a really screwed up topic with them sometimes.  Basically, the faster you give HER an orgasm, the quicker she'll shut up about it (only slightly joking).  Not a problem at all a little later. Then it's quite refreshing to be with a uninhibited woman who, well, you get the idea.

There is no easy way to navigate the shark invested waters of those direct questions.  
The duty of a true patriot is to protect his country from its government. -- Thomas Paine

Offline Shadow

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #15 on: October 08, 2009, 01:16:44 AM »
It sounds like she is rather nervous about some things, at which point the negative emotions might overtake the normal mood.
Indeed this will not change, though the frequency depends on how she feels.
No it is not a dog. Its really how I look.  ;)

Offline CallMeSasha

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #16 on: October 08, 2009, 01:18:45 AM »
About once a week she totally "loses it"

Later the next day she is like nothing happened! 

i can relate to that!  :wallbash:

Offline Sculpto

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #17 on: October 08, 2009, 04:12:30 AM »
she is falling in virtual love and doesnt want to be disappointed and also doesnt understand the emotions she is feeling.  The normal naysayers are saying nay.. i simply say proceed with caution and do not play with this woman at all. 

Offline I/O

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #18 on: October 08, 2009, 05:32:17 AM »
392ihc: Here's the acid test. Go to Moscow, walk down the street with her, comment on the cute arse or tits walking in front of you, if she whacks you across the face with her handbag, marry her, if she starts screaming and shouting, leg it. BTW, on the volatility side, RW's are incredibly similar to Latin W's if you're looking for a benchmark.

Offline pacifica

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #19 on: October 08, 2009, 09:41:46 AM »
You are in a process of finding a wife, and you've met other women before you've "met" her. So what? Everyone has a past. If she is jealous now about your past dates, how is she going to react if, God forbid, you'll pay a compliment to another woman when you are together?

Offline Daveman

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #20 on: October 08, 2009, 09:47:31 AM »
You are in a process of finding a wife, and you've met other women before you've "met" her. So what? Everyone has a past. If she is jealous now about your past dates, how is she going to react if, God forbid, you'll pay a compliment to another woman when you are together?

LoL...  :evil: :evil:, I want the video of that one.  Please????  8)
The duty of a true patriot is to protect his country from its government. -- Thomas Paine

Offline KenC

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #21 on: October 08, 2009, 10:19:12 AM »
392,
My experiences are the same as Jolly Rats.  Married for ten years and the outbursts never subsided.  Some people just love to argue and debate or express themselves in a volital manner.  It is a personality thing and not a Slavic thing.  This behavior can really wear on you over time, but to hope it changes, is not realistic IMO.  I wish you well, but think you should find someone else with a more pleasant personality.

A pebble in your shoe may be tolerable in walking a short distance, but unbearable in a marathon.  Marriage is a marathon.
KenC
« Last Edit: October 08, 2009, 10:26:30 AM by KenC »
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Offline Andrew

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #22 on: October 08, 2009, 01:59:49 PM »
Yep. Mine flies off the handle on a regular basis. probably because she is so stubborn.
I found that when it happened in person it was really easy to diffuse the situation, probably because she could see my reaction and emotional response to her ludicrous outbursts.. Don't let it put you off until you have seen it in person, you can make a much better decision then.
good luck
is she a gemini by any chance?  ;)

Offline JR

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #23 on: October 08, 2009, 04:10:31 PM »
God forbid, you'll pay a compliment to another woman when you are together?

OMG!   never, Never, NEVER NEVER EVER DO THAT ! ! 
Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else :)

Offline dobradavid

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Re: Slavic Women and Negative Outbursts?
« Reply #24 on: October 11, 2009, 08:17:21 AM »
Well, this darling lady has one trait that I find very annoying if not down right destructive.  About once a week she totally "loses it" and starts ranting things I consider to be total nonsense about our relationship. 

So, finally I get around to asking my question!!  In YOUR experiences, dating, loving, marrying, living with, or breaking up from Slavic women, does anyone else see any issues similar to what I have described?  And, if so, how do you deal with it?  How much do you allow these things to bother you?  Also, how do you think RM deal with this?  I mean beside getting drunk!

Mike in Wyoming

My wife and I have "divorce decision time" moments when she did this - and I know of several gents who are divorced/divorcing now because of this. The next step in the US is to visit your place of work - a total non-starter from a relationship standpoint.

 

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