Getting dropped

[Goombah]

Well, today I received a letter from Lucy indicating that she has been talking with her mother, aunts, and uncles, and none want her to go to USA.  So... sorry.

What type of "Dear John" letters have others received?

Kevin

[jb]

I'm sorry about your misfortune.

From the photo you use as an avitar, you look very young yourself.  Just out of curiosity, how old is this person?  Is she just a girl, or is she a woman?  

With very rare exceptions, IMHO, a man on the hunt should avoid very young girls right out of high school and those still in college.  Regardless of the hype you may read about how much faster eastern European women mature, these girls are still basically children in an adult's body.  And children still do what their parents tell them to do.

No surprises there.

[Bruno]

Sorry for you, Kevin

Family from RW can be a big problem... myself, with Galina, it is not easy... my second meeting in May is more for convince her father... to allow Galina marry with me...

He is orthodox cleric in Ukraine and wish a orthodox marriage... i have propose to marry in orthodox church in Belgium but he will it happen in Ukraine... but i cannot marry in orthodox church in Ukraine because they are more strong and don't accept me ( i am catholic )...

If i cannot convince her father in May, it will be good-bye... and start with a other search... love is one thing but for FSU woman, family band are very strong... 

[Goombah]

I'm 46.  Lucy was 25 - under my "ideal" of 27-28 but we got along fine.  When I search sites, I typically search 26-31, but occassionaly stretch that to 23-35.  I want more kids, so 35 is pushing it (not now, but by the time she was settled in she would be late 30s).

She also mentioned concern that my children (almost 14 and 17) would never accept her.  This had come up before and I thought we were past it, but apparently not.

Kevin

[jb]

Yeah,,, Kevin,

46 - 25 is a bit of a strech, it wouldn't be so noticable if it were 56 -35, but the younger you are, a 21 year gap is often a perscription for disaster.  WRT your kids, I personally believe your new bride should be at least 15 years senior to your oldest child.  Don't ask me where I got that number, it's just a gut feeling.

YMMV

[KenC]

Goombah,

I would like to say I am sorry for the breakup, but in truth it is a good thing.  As I said in another post, she just wasn't in to you.  It was obvious.  I am more concerned about attitude than I am age differences.  Although, I do find it curious that you are actively seeking women so much younger.  Why is that?  Next time make sure you receive as much attention as you give.  It is OK for one party to be bit by the love bug earlier than the other, but if it doesn't even out soon, someone is gonna take a fall.  You should never have to convince a woman to love you.  It just doesn't work out in the long run.

KenC

[Goombah]

All true words.  

My age difference preference is based on two things:  I want more children, and want the lady to be settled in a little before we take that step.  I also want it to be safe for her, not a (pun not intended) stretch.  Thus I'm looking for ladies in their late 20s or early 30s.  Also, and I'll be honest, given the choice between older and younger, I'm attracted to younger.  Is this a mis-guided attempt to regain  some lost part of my youth?  Yep, probably.  Is this some ego/trophy trip I'm on?  Yep, probably.  Would I have a chance to do this in the USA?  Nope, but FSU makes it possible.  I'm not truely desperate yet, and still new at this, so am "shooting for the gold".  All that said, on my short list (I did a little contingency surfing) are ladies 25, 26, 27, 28, and 34, with the 26 and 34 y.o. tied for 1st place.  I have one runner-up at 23, but am having problems going there.  I have one walk-on-glass-for at 18, but my big head is stepping on my little head over that one.

[Muzh]

Goombah:

For all it's worth, plant your feet firmly on the ground.  A young 20 something is NOT going to go along with teenage children.  A young 30 something WILL.  Also, a young 30 something is still fertile, very fertile and at no risk.  My wife had her baby at 35 and it was a very healthy pregnancy.  Forget about the part of giving her 4 or 5 years to settlle in before having a baby, it WILL NOT happen.  She will tell you yes, yes; but her mind will say no, no.

An age difference of 20+ years is very difficult.  Add cultural differences, mix two cups of children, bring to a boil and then simmer; and voila - a succulent disaster dish.  You don't have to take my advice as gospel, however, ask around and listen CAREFULLY.  Then go back to the hunt.

P.S.  If you find a young 20 something, don't be shocked when (not if) she ask you to literally ignore your two other children (as in see them twice a year, tops), especially if her first born is a boy.

[jb]

Well said, Muzh,,, very well said.

Kevin,

Two words,,, "realistic expectations".

You seem to make the common mistake of viewing the FSU as a shopping mall for babes, trust me, it ain't.  
You should be thinking in terms of a wife and mate, not a brood mare.

[Bruno]

[line]
My age difference preference is based on two things: I want more children

[line]

A woman can have children very late... the menopause is around 45 year old... in old time, it was some risk for woman to have the first children after 35 year old but now, it is not more true... we have now the "kaizer" method ( chirugical... not use the natural way )...

And why not choice a woman more old that 40 with already a young child... you can be his father...

The problem of child is maybe not the true reason... you have 46... not far from 50... and psycholog say that man around 50 feel the need to seduce young woman... Why ? for feel itself young... some people call this the middle life crisis...

[Goombah]

I am being realistic and never treat the ladies as brood mares.  However, unles you are asking me to drop my desire for kids, dating a lady 35-46 isn't going to achieve something I consider important.  I have offers from local ladies, fine looking ones with good jobs, if I was willing to drop that requirement.  One, at 46, even offered to try to have one more kid for me (possible with medical science, but I wouldn't ask that of any lady that age).

Don't get too high on your horse...  I treat any lady I write with utmost respect, and fall into WOVO mode easier than I should.  I just don't think finding a young, beautiful, intelligent, lady willing to have kids and love me at 46 is beyond possible, or even probable so long as I am honest.

Kevin

[jb]

I just don't think finding a young, beautiful, intelligent, lady willing to have kids

The fact that you even thought of an 18 y.o. in this venue, (the one to walk-on-glass for), speaks of some unrealistic expectations.

Not riding high horses here, but we were analysing why you got dumped, it's not my problem, but yours.  I'm able to, with my experience, put myself in the shoes of RWs perhaps a little better than you.  I merely point out that surfing MOB websites, (shopping mall for babes), while it can be a pleasurable pastime, is not realistic if you are shopping out of your league.  A good rule of thumb is to think in terms of what you could date at home, then go up 2 points on a scale of 10, and down 5-8 years in age.  If you usually date women who are 6's and 7's, and are 38-40 in the USA, then you can easily find an 8 or 9, who is between the ages of 30-35.  IMHO, this should be your realistic target zone.

I'm not here to preach at you, just sharing an opinion or two.

[Goombah]

Guys, get a grip.  The 18 yo was cute - like half the ladies in Playboy when I was a young man.  There is a huge difference between "Wow - wouldn't that be nice is some ideal world!" and acting on it.

So the USA version of hotornot rates a full size version of my avator photo at 7.6 with 70 people voting.  Various color photos come in +/- 0.5 of that (clothes DO make a difference).  Using your +2 formula, that pretty much means anyone doesn't it?

I like a couple of Hugh Hefner quotes (although I'm looking in his range):  In response to him dating a young lady who said "Gee... I've never dated anyone older than 22" he responded "Neither have I".  The other was an explaination of why he dates young ladies:  "When I was a young man, I really like ladies 18-22.  My taste simply have not changed as I grew older".  Of course, there is his classic response to "What is your best pickup line?" to which he responded "Hi, I'm Hugh Hefner" (which I'm not!).

[BC]

Goombah,

Am your age with wife 17 yrs junior..

I could not invision a larger age difference working out for me.  The only reason I even thought seriously about my marrying my wife is that we met without intentions to marry, that her daughter 10 yrs readily accepted me as a potential father figure and that my wife had several previous long term relationships with men my age or older so was fully aware of the cons involved. Don't be the first 'diadushka' in her life.

I really believe any woman who really enjoys being with a man 10 or 15+ years senior is very very rare.  Don't believe the fantasy RW hype that makes it seem like the 'rule'.

The risks increase exponentially(sp?)the further you push the envelope.  

[Goombah]

Thanks.  My "bracket" is slowly moving up. I don't seriously consider 23 any more, being very comfortable by 28 (17-18 year difference).  I know that is more than adviced, but its where I'm at.  

Kevin

[jb]

Guys, get a grip.

I have a pretty firm grip on reality.  You mentioned her, not me.

So the USA version of hotornot rates a full size version of my avator photo at 7.6 with 70 people voting.

Frankly, I'd never be so vain as to post something there.  Seems narcistic to me.  And 70 people voting is not a quorum.

As for Hugh Hefner, well,,,, great wealth buys a lot.  I guess if you were 73 y.o. and had about a billion dollars to tempt the young ladies with, you too could have 4 or 5 nude 22 y.o. beauties attending to your every need and desire.  I'm also pretty sure he buys Viagra by the truck load. If you consider him to be some sort of role model then all I'd say is:  "In your dreams, buddy, and somebody else needs to get a grip".  

Seriously, I think you just need to re-evaluate your objectives and not set yourself up for failure in future g/f goals:cool:

[BC]

Frankly, I'd never be so vain as to post something there.  Seems narcistic to me.  And 70 people voting is not a quorum.

And the age selection on hotornot likely skews things a good bit. Most users would select their own agegroup.  Probably not many 26 to 32 year old women looking at pics of over 40 so quite a few could be the rich 60'ish woman or man thinking hmmm nice!...

[Muzh]

Seriously, I think you just need to re-evaluate your objectives and not set yourself up for failure in future g/f goals:cool:

 

JB:

It has been my experience that there is no worse blind than the one who will not open his eyes.

You did the good deed for the day.  Let experience (goombah's) take over.

[jb]

Let experience (goombah's) take over.

Yeah,,, I'm about done here..........

[Turboguy]

Personally Kevin, I think age is just a number and I think there are immature 50 year olds and settled 20 year olds.    I have always thought that the wider you cast your net the better your chance of catching fish.    If I were you I would not worry about age or what anyone thinks but you.   You are the one who has to live with who ever it is you marry.

You remind me of myself long ago.   I got divorced at about 42 after 18 years of marriage.  I had a couple of teen agers kids to support and what I really would have liked to find was a woman with whom I could build a life a lot like I had but who would be a little nicer and not so nasty.     I really just wanted a nice normal family life.   I get the impression that is what you want too.  

This was long before it was popular to go after FSU women.   Most of the gals I dated in the USA were around 21 perhaps a few as old as 30 even when I was in my late 40's  I never noticed an age difference and it never created a problem.   They just were not marriage material.  Perhaps that was because they were young.  Most of the older ones I met had 3 kids, drank too much, couldn't carry on an intelligent conversation and needed to go on a diet. 

When I started to get interested in  FSU women, things like that become much more possible.    I started off this time with a goal of finding a gal between 35 and 45.   Well, I think I have found my gal.  At least we are just getting ready to start the fiancee paper work.    Do you know the funny thing.   I know all kinds of things about her but I don't have any idea how old she is.   I know she has a sister 35.  I never thought it was polite to ask and she has not told me yet.   I have her 325-A  going out in the mail to her so when I comes back I will know but to be honest I don't care.  I am guessing her at 30.     

Think for a minute what you really want.   My guess is it goes something like this.  You want a woman you can be romantically attracted to.   You want a woman williing and wanting to have children.   You want a woman who will be faithful.   You want a woman you can share a life and share happy times with, and that may include enjoying some of the same things and enjoying each others company.    Add a few more of your own if you want.   Now tell me which one of those age makes a bit of difference except for the limits of an older woman and children.   Yes, there will be 20 year olds who want a fast life and wild times.  They are not your gal.   My suggestion is to just check out as many options as you can.  If the age seems wrong drop them, if not don't worry about the number.

[Muzh]

    If I were you I would not worry about age or what anyone thinks but you.   You are the one who has to live with who ever it is you marry.

The reason Kevin is posting on this list is because he DOES care what we think.  And you're right, he is the one who has to live with his decision.  Now keep in mind, Kevin will not be the only one affected by his decision but that young RUS honey he will bring here.

Food for thought.

[Bruno]

[line]


I have always thought that the wider you cast your net the better your chance of catching fish.


[line]


The problem is not to catch a lot of fish... but to catch the needed fish... your meethod of fishing allow only the cleaning of the sea... you need to know what kind of fish you need and lauch your net only on these type of fish... other you can catch other kind of fish who can be dangerous, not digest, of deadly...

[Goombah]

Thanks Turboguy, your last paragraph pretty much sums it up.  For the younger ladies, when I read they like to go to the disco, I move on.  If they write about cozy house, working in garden, or more domestic things I read further.  In the middle is going to theater, travel, etc. because I like to do all those things to.

Kevin C.

[BC]

Goombah,

ok thinking positive here... experience with older men would be a HUGE plus  

[Turboguy]

Thanks Kevin, I am glad my last paragraph helped.   I still say age is just a number.   I have been around guys who where 20 years younger than me but seemed more like they were 20 years older.    The same goes for gals. 

I have made some mistakes in my life that I have paid a big price for and it has usually been when I did not do what I knew to be right for me.  Sometimes that has been from worrying about what other people think.   I think it is good to seek out the advice of others who may have more experience but you really need to listen to your own heart when it comes decision time.   If you make a mistake it is not going to be Turboguy or Muzh who is unhappy.  It will be Kevin.

I have met Russian gals who where 20 who were 30 who were 40.   I don't find that age makes as much difference as what they are looking for in life.   I wrote one gal from Almaty who was 32 with two kids.  She wrote back very interested and told me her main interests were extreame sports in general and skydiving and para sailing in particular.   She was beautiful but it was obvious to me we were not compatable.   I have written and met gals who were 20 or so an they wanted a nice settled life, making a cozy home, perhaps going to the beach once in a while.   They would have been much more suitable for me. 

PS. Muzh, I wasn't picking on you in particular at the end of Paragraph 2, you just happened to be the last one who posted prior to Kevin and I needed to use anohter name to try and make my point.   You are giving good advice and saying what you believe.  That is great.    When I made my comment about casting a wider net I can agree you can drag up a lot of undersirable stuff.  

A long time ago I knew a young guy who listed what he wanted in a gal as this   Age 21 or 22,  must be 5'7, think with a great build, natual blond and italian heritage.    I will add that this was 10 years ago and he is still single.    I have a couple of listings out there looking for women.   What age range do I specify.   I will tell youl  21-50.  I don't worry that much about age.   I could see finding a 21 year old I like.  I could see finding a 50 year old I like.  I would rather have the choices than miss a chance at the one I really want becase she was one year younger or older than I had specified.